Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[mr-nobody]

You ladies are awesome.

[TriangleTangle]

My question for the ladies. I've had the impression that many women fall for a man emotionally much easier after he has come inside her- even if she was on the fence beforehand. Does a man cumming in a woman carry that much weight in emotional bonding for women?

TT

[Goodhubby7]

I have a question for our lovely ladies as im seeking a female perspective on this.
Im happily married (14yrs) to a beautiful intelligent and successful (own company) woman. She is also very straight laced and a bit of a goody two shoes. She is 42 and im 50. We havent had sex in almost 2 years now. Ive suspected she may have done something with another guy but have no proof and i havent said anything.
Recently she has changed her appearance, started smoking again secretly behind my back(again ive not said i know). I have said on a few occasions in the past that when she goes out i want her to have fun and enjoy herself, have a drink and let her hair down. Even to the point of flirtinf as i know men will chat her up and would be a good boost to her ego and self confidence which would be a good thing.(she has never really said anything to that).
Recently ive sort of told her on a few occassions if anything ever happened involving someone else i would understand and wouldnt have a problem as long as we communicate things. Again she hasnt said anything about it. At first i thought she is ignoring it and certainly not agreeing. But ive also thought she hasnt dismissed it straight away either.
My question is, does it seem possible she would like to go down the route of becoming a hotwife in someway but unsure how?.
If so how would or could i approach things or do i just wait for her. I dont know how to drop any more hints or find a suitable opening to bring this type of thing up with her.

[Lookingforadventure]

I have a question for our lovely ladies as im seeking a female perspective on this.
Im happily married (14yrs) to a beautiful intelligent and successful (own company) woman. She is also very straight laced and a bit of a goody two shoes. She is 42 and im 50. We havent had sex in almost 2 years now. Ive suspected she may have done something with another guy but have no proof and i havent said anything.
Recently she has changed her appearance, started smoking again secretly behind my back(again ive not said i know). I have said on a few occasions in the past that when she goes out i want her to have fun and enjoy herself, have a drink and let her hair down. Even to the point of flirtinf as i know men will chat her up and would be a good boost to her ego and self confidence which would be a good thing.(she has never really said anything to that).
Recently ive sort of told her on a few occassions if anything ever happened involving someone else i would understand and wouldnt have a problem as long as we communicate things. Again she hasnt said anything about it. At first i thought she is ignoring it and certainly not agreeing. But ive also thought she hasnt dismissed it straight away either.
My question is, does it seem possible she would like to go down the route of becoming a hotwife in someway but unsure how?.
If so how would or could i approach things or do i just wait for her. I dont know how to drop any more hints or find a suitable opening to bring this type of thing up with her.

Hi Goodhubby7, I'd say that if the two of you haven't had sex in two years but haven't talked about why, and if she's hiding smoking from you, and you are hiding your knowledge about it from her, you should probably talk about all those things before you consider adding other people to your sex life.

I've really enjoyed being a hotwife, but it has required a lot of conversations between my husband and I as we figure out what works for us. If your marriage isn't strong, it could be a recipe for disaster.

[Lookingforadventure]

My question for the ladies. I've had the impression that many women fall for a man emotionally much easier after he has come inside her- even if she was on the fence beforehand. Does a man cumming in a woman carry that much weight in emotional bonding for women?

TT

I don't think this has anything to do with my emotional connection with men at all. My husband and I meet potential play partners online and I usually chat with men quite a bit before we play. I'm very picky and only meet a small segment of them. So far, in the 18 months or so since we started our hot wife journey, only two men have stuck as long term play partners. One has cum inside me. The other has never even had piv sex with me. But I have an emotional connection and friendship with both.

To me, it is conversation and mental stimulation that builds the emotional connection, not cum.

[Liese]

Hi Goodhubby7, I am in strong agreement with Lookingforadventure. Open honest communication about matters that you both should be in on comes first. Hub and I had to build a strong foundation of that plus being quite direct with each other about sexual interests and ideas before we decided we could enter this lifestyle. We've now been enjoying it successfully (with a few small bumps in the road, of course) for over 20 years.

[Liese]

My question for the ladies. I've had the impression that many women fall for a man emotionally much easier after he has come inside her- even if she was on the fence beforehand. Does a man cumming in a woman carry that much weight in emotional bonding for women?

TT

Not my experience at all. My strongest emotional connections (both romantic and more platonic FWB ones) occurred with those who didn't orgasm in me. And that covers 20 years of playing with dozens of different people.

[Nowayareyousure]

Hi VHWs. You are wonderful to create this thread.

My situation. My wife agreed to dip her toes. We came really close to her being with a guy, but it fell through. A couple of weeks later she decided to put a pause on things. She was scared about her feelings for another man in that she thought it would not be good for our marriage. She is worried she is a one man only type of girl. I think it was only NRE that she hasn't felt in 20 years.

I know there isn't research and data on this, but I wonder how many HWs felt like it might ruin their relationship with the husband before moving forward. How many thought they might lose interest in their husband and / or their sex life? How many thought they'd be too into the single guy to put any energy into the marriage and husband? She said if she went for it, I might regret it.

I think it might just be nerves, but then again I usually only read of the HWs that loved it AND grew closer to their husband. I want to proceed with caution.

[Caramel55]

Hi VHWs. You are wonderful to create this thread.

My situation. My wife agreed to dip her toes. We came really close to her being with a guy, but it fell through. A couple of weeks later she decided to put a pause on things. She was scared about her feelings for another man in that she thought it would not be good for our marriage. She is worried she is a one man only type of girl. I think it was only NRE that she hasn't felt in 20 years.

I know there isn't research and data on this, but I wonder how many HWs felt like it might ruin their relationship with the husband before moving forward. How many thought they might lose interest in their husband and / or their sex life? How many thought they'd be too into the single guy to put any energy into the marriage and husband? She said if she went for it, I might regret it.

I think it might just be nerves, but then again I usually only read of the HWs that loved it AND grew closer to their husband. I want to proceed with caution.

I think hers is a valid concern. We are relational beings and need some kind of connection to enjoy sex. At least I do. That said, her relationship with you should be above and beyond any man out there can provide. You have both love and sex, kind of a synergy that good marriages have.
Most of the time this enhances the couples sex life as she brings that new sexual energy back to the bedroom. You have to do it together, always talking every step of the way.

[Nowayareyousure]

Thanks Caramel55. I'm still learning to be veeeerrrry patient. It is the journey that should be enjoyed and not the destination.

[nerdyhubby]

For the HWs who initially began HWing due to their SOs desires, was their ever a tipping point you can recall that made HWing an activity you took ownership over for not just your partners enjoyment but also your own? If so was it a particular person, activity etc that brought that clarity to you? Did it change how active you (or both) became in pursuing opportunities?

If you still only do HWing for your SO, how active are you in pursuing opportunities versus your SO?

[Anonymousrachel]

For the HWs who initially began HWing due to their SOs desires, was their ever a tipping point you can recall that made HWing an activity you took ownership over for not just your partners enjoyment but also your own? If so was it a particular person, activity etc that brought that clarity to you? Did it change how active you (or both) became in pursuing opportunities?

If you still only do HWing for your SO, how active are you in pursuing opportunities versus your SO?

When we first started I admit that it was mostly because I wanted to do it for Rob. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to… I never felt like I was pressured into it. I was hesitant a little at first thinking I wasn’t going to enjoy it as much as he did, but I wanted to try it out. My tipping point probably came when I started chatting and flirting with some others, I actually started to really enjoy it! It also helps that our first successful play date was pretty damn amazing.

[Farmgirl]

For the HWs who initially began HWing due to their SOs desires, was their ever a tipping point you can recall that made HWing an activity you took ownership over for not just your partners enjoyment but also your own? If so was it a particular person, activity etc that brought that clarity to you? Did it change how active you (or both) became in pursuing opportunities?

If you still only do HWing for your SO, how active are you in pursuing opportunities versus your SO?

My/our hotwifing has always been about me finding and choosing my own play partners and meeting when I wanted to. The maybe "tipping point" was when I was sure my Number1 wanted and was prepared for me being a Hotwife. It was mostly once I was sure it wouldn't blow up in our faces. Then I embraced it fully.

[Seenew123]

A question for verified hotwives,

Mrs D is starting out have not met anyone yet. She is mostly talking to 1 guy only, and has not shown much interest on other bulls i found for her. Is this how it starts....my worry is shes gelling with one bull only and ultimately i would want her to experience other guys also...she spending time with only 1 guy makes me jealous.

We have been married for 10 years and an item for 20 years. She has had no man other than me even a kiss also.

[2inUPMichigan]

A question for verified hotwives,

Mrs D is starting out have not met anyone yet. She is mostly talking to 1 guy only, and has not shown much interest on other bulls i found for her. Is this how it starts....my worry is shes gelling with one bull only and ultimately i would want her to experience other guys also...she spending time with only 1 guy makes me jealous.

We have been married for 10 years and an item for 20 years. She has had no man other than me even a kiss also.

In your intro that you wrote this morning you said she was talking to 2 men but now you are saying it is mostly 1 man. (I'm a little confused by the conflicting information)

Did the two of you pick out the men together? Or did you pick out who you wanted to see her with? The reason I am asking is there are frequently posts from men who are surprised by the fact that their wives don't pick the same men that they would choose.
She may not be interested in any of the other men, and that's okay. Make sure she is included in the selection process of potential men because after all she is the one that will potentially be having sex with them

The second issue you brought up has to do with jealousy. I am wondering if the two if you sat down and talked about your vision for how this would look for the two of you? Did you talk about whether or not she would have more than one man that she plays with? If not then this is the time to slow down and talk about it. How comfortable are each of you with her playing with just one man? How comfortable are each of you with her playing with more than one man?
If she has never had any sexual contact with anyone else she might not have the same vision as you (which is perfectly okay). The two of you need to talk very honestly about these issues and find a way to make both of you happy.
Explain to her your concerns about her concentrating all her attention on one man. Ask her if she would consider meeting more than one man.

*****
I can tell you when we first started I told my hubby that I intended to look for more than one regular long term FWB so that he never felt like he was in competition for my time and attention with one man.
Feel free to use my words when you talk to your wife.

Good luck!

[Seenew123]

A question for verified hotwives,

Mrs D is starting out have not met anyone yet. She is mostly talking to 1 guy only, and has not shown much interest on other bulls i found for her. Is this how it starts....my worry is shes gelling with one bull only and ultimately i would want her to experience other guys also...she spending time with only 1 guy makes me jealous.

We have been married for 10 years and an item for 20 years. She has had no man other than me even a kiss also.

In your intro that you wrote this morning you said she was talking to 2 men but now you are saying it is mostly 1 man. (I'm a little confused by the conflicting information) - There are 2 guys, but mostly shes interested in meeting one only, the other guys she talks on an off but not really into him.

Did the two of you pick out the men together? Or did you pick out who you wanted to see her with? The reason I am asking is there are frequently posts from men who are surprised by the fact that their wives don't pick the same men that they would choose. I choose the guys, her type is very familiar to me, then i pass on the details and she chats with them and takes it forward

She may not be interested in any of the other men, and that's okay. Make sure she is included in the selection process of potential men because after all she is the one that will potentially be having sex with them - I basically show her pics of the guys, background and then she decides if she wants to chat with them

The second issue you brought up has to do with jealousy. I am wondering if the two if you sat down and talked about your vision for how this would look for the two of you? Did you talk about whether or not she would have more than one man that she plays with? If not then this is the time to slow down and talk about it. How comfortable are each of you with her playing with just one man? How comfortable are each of you with her playing with more than one man?

We have spoken about it and we both are ok and would want to meet more than 1 guys, i have told her my ultimate fantasy would be for her to have threesome, which shes not sure of cause of safety reasons etc. Ultimately shes said yes she would want to meet 3-4 guys at different times not together

If she has never had any sexual contact with anyone else she might not have the same vision as you (which is perfectly okay). The two of you need to talk very honestly about these issues and find a way to make both of you happy.
Explain to her your concerns about her concentrating all her attention on one man. Ask her if she would consider meeting more than one man.

I think i will during our next interaction which happens before making love tell her the same.

Based on where we are do you think this is normal and she would ultimately become a true HW with more than 1 man. I am really ok if she has a LTR with 1 guy but hopefully she will be a little more deviant Is this how it starts go out with one guy and start hunting for new relationships (NRE)

*****
I can tell you when we first started I told my hubby that I intended to look for more than one regular long term FWB so that he never felt like he was in competition for my time and attention with one man.
Feel free to use my words when you talk to your wife.

Good luck!

[Farmgirl]

A question for verified hotwives,

Mrs D is starting out have not met anyone yet. She is mostly talking to 1 guy only, and has not shown much interest on other bulls i found for her. Is this how it starts....my worry is shes gelling with one bull only and ultimately i would want her to experience other guys also...she spending time with only 1 guy makes me jealous.

We have been married for 10 years and an item for 20 years. She has had no man other than me even a kiss also.

She is acting normal. There are many versions of normal, each couple does it just a bit different, but yes she is normal. If her being normal bothers you, the two of you need to sit down and discuss limits that both of you are comfortable with. Most likely her idea about this is not going to be what you had in your mind.

[Seenew123]

A question for verified hotwives,

Mrs D is starting out have not met anyone yet. She is mostly talking to 1 guy only, and has not shown much interest on other bulls i found for her. Is this how it starts....my worry is shes gelling with one bull only and ultimately i would want her to experience other guys also...she spending time with only 1 guy makes me jealous.

We have been married for 10 years and an item for 20 years. She has had no man other than me even a kiss also.

She is acting normal. There are many versions of normal, each couple does it just a bit different, but yes she is normal. If her being normal bothers you, the two of you need to sit down and discuss limits that both of you are comfortable with. Most likely her idea about this is not going to be what you had in your mind.

Hi Farmgirl, we have spoken about it. The other guys she has chatted with have one way or other disappointed her.

From our talk on this issue she has told me she is still slightly unsure of how far she wants to go. But to begin with can go on wine date with light petting.
When another bull talks crass or pesters her for nudes etc she rethinks this entire idea all together.

My objective was to understand if any of the other VHW had similar journey where they started with one FWB and then started seeing more men also.

Thanks for your response, its much appreciated.

[Caramel55]

From our talk on this issue she has told me she is still slightly unsure of how far she wants to go. But to begin with can go on wine date with light petting.
When another bull talks crass or pesters her for nudes etc she rethinks this entire idea all together.

Just want to pipe in though I won't be answering your main question.
I get turned off quickly when someone talks crass to me, from the start. Maybe that's not her style and it's unique to each woman.
There are prospective men/bull out there that assumes that because she's a hotwife she must want that esp if they watch a lot of porn. She should go at her own pace, stick to how she wants to be treated and eliminate those that make her feel bad. If she's unsure, probe why and ask her questions. My husband and I have spent many coffee dates talking about this. It's time consuming in the beginning but worth it.

[Seenew123]

Thanks @caramel55

I think from the forum and community we are getting good support. Initially i had told her to lower her bar, but now i feel bulls must raise their standards.

Also after reading various threads i feel its common for HWs to have 1 steady LTR FWB and happens to.meet more as time progresses.

[Subcucky]

I have been bringing up cuckolding to my wife for a while and she found out I was bisexual over a year ago which she was very unhappy with. She has recently admitted to me that she likes to go out and flirt with other men and I have encouraged her to be able to do this without hiding anything. She continues to question my desire for pussy and tells me that my top thing is to be cuckolded and humiliated. She texted me this last month to which I replied, “yes”

This is the source of our problems-Be honest
You would like an alpha heterosexual man to fuck you wouldn’t you

I should also say that her long term ex BF recently called her and she spoke to him for about 15 minutes and admitted that there was a sexual tension present.

Do you think the prospects of me being cuckolded is very good?

[Kate88]

I have been bringing up cuckolding to my wife for a while and she found out I was bisexual over a year ago which she was very unhappy with. She has recently admitted to me that she likes to go out and flirt with other men and I have encouraged her to be able to do this without hiding anything. She continues to question my desire for pussy and tells me that my top thing is to be cuckolded and humiliated. She texted me this last month to which I replied, “yes”

This is the source of our problems-Be honest
You would like an alpha heterosexual man to fuck you wouldn’t you

I should also say that her long term ex BF recently called her and she spoke to him for about 15 minutes and admitted that there was a sexual tension present.

Do you think the prospects of me being cuckolded is very good?

I think you have good prospects of sucking a cock.

[2inUPMichigan]

I have been bringing up cuckolding to my wife for a while and she found out I was bisexual over a year ago which she was very unhappy with. She has recently admitted to me that she likes to go out and flirt with other men and I have encouraged her to be able to do this without hiding anything. She continues to question my desire for pussy and tells me that my top thing is to be cuckolded and humiliated. She texted me this last month to which I replied, “yes”

This is the source of our problems-Be honest
You would like an alpha heterosexual man to fuck you wouldn’t you

I should also say that her long term ex BF recently called her and she spoke to him for about 15 minutes and admitted that there was a sexual tension present.

Do you think the prospects of me being cuckolded is very good?

Some women question their husbands if they bring up the subject as a way to "get pussy". She may be concerned that you are bringing up the subject to "get dick".
If the subject of hotwifing/cuckolding was brought up around the same time that you told her you were bisexual then I could see her reluctance and hesitation if she was unhappy as you report.

[Liese]

Also after reading various threads i feel its common for HWs to have 1 steady LTR FWB and happens to.meet more as time progresses.

It is common, but it's far from universal. I love playing with different guys. Newness is a turnon for me. My one steady LTR is my husband. The rest are just thrilling playmates. Some are recurring guest stars, but a LOT of them are one and done. No fault of theirs, that's just how I like it with a lot of them.

[false-abroad]

Dear VHWs,

Are there hotwives that do not and did not masturbate? I mean never really even tried.