Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[Mr Mrs Cream]

I would lose a therapist quickly who blames one partner in a marriage for not automatically without reservation exploring every kink or fantasy their partner has.
Cheating is a choice, it is a deliberate action. No one forced anyone into cheating by not participating in their fantasy or kink.

That sounds like the very old traditional "you have to go along with it because he is your husband".

The point I'm taking here is that the therapist recognizes the drive that is embedded in sexual desires, etc. and that it's something not readily acknowledged by traditional therapists.

implied is that if there is no possible compromise, then the relationship may be best ended.

But all this is my take.

Maybe if you will be more open with therapists that you are supporting SW in this and you would like to hold her hand when another man will be with her, she agree that is the best idea and tell SW to think about such solution.
SW and therapists know about your fetish, so maybe therapis with part of her opinion will be with you.
That is the best solution when you two are with bull, so he knows that it is only part of the game.

[slenderfish]

Maybe if you will be more open with therapists that you are supporting SW in this and you would like to hold her hand when another man will be with her, she agree that is the best idea and tell SW to think about such solution.
SW and therapists know about your fetish, so maybe therapis with part of her opinion will be with you.
That is the best solution when you two are with bull, so he knows that it is only part of the game.

Good suggestions.

[slenderfish]

We started watching Jessica Jones on Netflix. SW was visibly uncomfortable when the first scene occurred wherein Jessica fucks Luke Cage.

[rooster444]

Maybe show her this to lighten up the mood. From last week's SNL - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjxDHqKErWE

[CarstonMathers]

Maybe show her this to lighten up the mood. From last week's SNL - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjxDHqKErWE

Holy shit that was funny!

[slenderfish]

Maybe show her this to lighten up the mood. From last week's SNL - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjxDHqKErWE

Good fun and funny!

[Mr Mrs Cream]

Maybe show her this to lighten up the mood. From last week's SNL - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjxDHqKErWE

Funny.
I thought it would turn into such amazing sex scene as in mainstream movie Crank 2:
https://www.xvideos.com/video23935034/c ... _sex_scene

[rooster444]

Reading through this she has either decided to 1) go it alone and cheat with whomever she wants for her own private benefit or 2) lost total interest in the idea and doesn't need the constant badgering / interest from her husband. Hopefully she comes clean with the 'sex forward therapist' or whatever it's being called.

At this point you have nothing to lose. Book an adult vacation and enjoy yourselves - She will either be repelled (where it seems she wants to be) or embrace it (where you want to be).

[slenderfish]

Reading through this she has either decided to 1) go it alone and cheat with whomever she wants for her own private benefit or 2) lost total interest in the idea and doesn't need the constant badgering / interest from her husband. Hopefully she comes clean with the 'sex forward therapist' or whatever it's being called.

At this point you have nothing to lose. Book an adult vacation and enjoy yourselves - She will either be repelled (where it seems she wants to be) or embrace it (where you want to be).

You summarized it. I agree.

At the same time, a couple of points:

- She knows of my desires and at some level does want to be supportive. The therapist may be helpful on this point. Next session (after nearly three-week break for travel, etc.) on Thursday.

- She does tease a bit in good fun, from time to time, but is wary that I'll take it and run with it.

And, more intriguing...

- Yesterday she kind of repeated, like three or four times in response to something, so that I would get it in my mind, the following:

"If you want me to do something (in this case, the "naked cuddling" that was homework from the therapist) you should just ask me, don't assume I'm going to read your mind."

I've been thinking about this wobbling between being in charge, just pushing, versus stepping back and letting things move on their own. It's hard to know.

[afagehi7]

Reading through this she has either decided to 1) go it alone and cheat with whomever she wants for her own private benefit or 2) lost total interest in the idea and doesn't need the constant badgering / interest from her husband. Hopefully she comes clean with the 'sex forward therapist' or whatever it's being called.

At this point you have nothing to lose. Book an adult vacation and enjoy yourselves - She will either be repelled (where it seems she wants to be) or embrace it (where you want to be).

You summarized it. I agree.

At the same time, a couple of points:

- She knows of my desires and at some level does want to be supportive. The therapist may be helpful on this point. Next session (after nearly three-week break for travel, etc.) on Thursday.

- She does tease a bit in good fun, from time to time, but is wary that I'll take it and run with it.

And, more intriguing...

- Yesterday she kind of repeated, like three or four times in response to something, so that I would get it in my mind, the following:

"If you want me to do something (in this case, the "naked cuddling" that was homework from the therapist) you should just ask me, don't assume I'm going to read your mind."

I've been thinking about this wobbling between being in charge, just pushing, versus stepping back and letting things move on their own. It's hard to know.

Should have asked her what else she would do if you told her to. Perhaps that's what she needs, to be absolved of any responsibility and be told to do something by her man...if you tell her to do it then you can't get mad and if it isn't good then it's your fault... Perhaps she's submissive like that?

Don't know... I think it's unlikely, but possible... At least worth thinking about...

"You are going to be my slut and dildo yourself while I do X" as a trial run. Again it's doubtful but a different angle.

[Long Lurker 34]

"don't assume I'm going to read your mind"

How refreshing, a woman claiming to not be able to read a mans mind. Entirely going against the stereotype and not at all what has been reinforced throughout my life. Egads!

[afagehi7]

"don't assume I'm going to read your mind"

How refreshing, a woman claiming to not be able to read a mans mind. Entirely going against the stereotype and not at all what has been reinforced throughout my life. Egads!

If she would only take her own advice!!!

[BallSpanking]

I think she left the door open, at least enough to broach the topic diplomatically.
You could bring it up by reminding her of her statement, directing you to ask her if you want something.
That is fair, and direct.

The mere 'asking' should not create an 'expectation', if it could be asked in a neutral way, but there is the rub.
Any reference to HotWifing, however oblique, may well trigger a resentful response.

So, if there is a way you can preface the 'neutrality' of your question, making sure she will not make a negative inference, once you ask, and assuring her your question is not meant to imply a course of action ... (shit, that is a lot of "if's") ...
Then maybe you can ask her the question you need to ask.

Remember, she reserves the right to say no. But hopefully a more loving, tender understanding can be found to proceed to the benefit of all.

[slenderfish]

We have agreed to discuss this a bit with the therapist tomorrow.

This comes from the homework that the therapist assigned; she's supposed to find solo pleasure with her body (stroking her skin, rubbing, may include masturbation but not toys), I'm to continue my solo as before, and we are expected to spend at least 10 minutes fully naked in bed with touching and not necessarily (but permitted) leading to sex.

I'd observed we kind of fell behind on the "together" elements of the homework and she pushed back with this point that I should merely ask if I want something. Basically stating that anything physical or sexual must begin with me, and implying that she will follow. I guess this has been true, in a consistent way, for all these years.

Time to test the thesis here.

[anonymister1948]

I'm curious if Mr. B and the guy she fucked in her hometown (not the flaky friend) are sexually dominant. That may be another facet that attracts SW besides the obvious things you've stated. Have you two ever talked about a dom/sub sex life?

[afagehi7]

I'm curious if Mr. B and the guy she fucked in her hometown (not the flaky friend) are sexually dominant. That may be another facet that attracts SW besides the obvious things you've stated. Have you two ever talked about a dom/sub sex life?

I think they are. Evidence suggests that she's somewhat sexually submissive... The depth is what is unknown. Could just be she likes the man to be a "man" and take charge or that she wants to be a submissive slut. Probably in the middle which is what makes it tricky. She may not even know herself

[paulmots0518]

We have agreed to discuss this a bit with the therapist tomorrow.

This comes from the homework that the therapist assigned; she's supposed to find solo pleasure with her body (stroking her skin, rubbing, may include masturbation but not toys), I'm to continue my solo as before, and we are expected to spend at least 10 minutes fully naked in bed with touching and not necessarily (but permitted) leading to sex.

I'd observed we kind of fell behind on the "together" elements of the homework and she pushed back with this point that I should merely ask if I want something. Basically stating that anything physical or sexual must begin with me, and implying that she will follow. I guess this has been true, in a consistent way, for all these years.

Time to test the thesis here.

My wife has run the gamut of interest in swinging/ hotwifing over the years. Some years nothing and some years she spent several days and weeks traveling with a boyfriend.

My best advice is something similar to what I now do:

I take the lead on creating "opportunities" such as going to a meet-and-greet, swingers club, house party, swingers cruise, Hedo/Temptation/Desire, etc. but she's fully in charge of who she picks (or doesn't) to have sex with.

I "force" her to look/think/talk/flirt/consider (at events more than specific individuals) but the actual decision of physical fun/sex is 100% hers.

My advice is to create a list of swinger / hotwife type events and have her rank in order which she'd prefer to attend. Then it's your responsibility to find appropriate events (accommodations, food, type of people) that you can take her to. Worst case you socialize with like minded people and best case she finds someone she's interested in.

It's better than all the vanilla events you do. At least there's a chance.

[rooster444]

This is what I've been suggesting. We took the plunge a long time ago, first with the wife going on a beach vacation without me where she found a young stud within hours of her arrival. Then onto Hedo III (when it was open - a bit less hard core) with us together, Hedo II, Temptations and other resorts always knowing the door was open for her. Chasing around with people you know in familiar haunts is not the way to breakout of a routine or open the door for experimentation. My guess would be one vacation with her solo or easing into 'the lifestyle' with a lighter location like Temptations with the flirty dress-up, the sexual overtones & environment and old Slenderfish would have a firecracker on his hands. Seems like money isn't an issue, I say go for it.

[TheHammer]

Another option to start with would be to take her to a strip club and she could get a couple of lap dances from girls.

[DoneThat]

Here’s what I would do, because it worked for me. But in our case it brought her out of Hotwife retirement to ride again.

Create an online profile, as a husband of a wife “who just might have sex with you.”

Find a handsome, worthy man who is open to meeting you first, about the possibility of meeting her.

Explain your situation to the handsome man, vet him, and if worthy invite him for a private party at home.

Explain to her that you’ve vetted a decent guy to join you two for an evening of chit chat and nothing more… unless she decides otherwise… and you just want to be sociable.

Hopefully she decides, why not?

During that private party, turn into the kind of dogs men really are, and comment on how nice she looks, then both ask her if she would model different outfits for you two to admire.

If she accepts, she’ll get turned on by the reactions, and try on progressively more daring outfits.

If she finally exposes her breasts, either completely or just sheerly, both you and he drop your pants. If she enjoys sucking cock she’ll probably take advantage of the situation.

If she doesn’t model, or does so without letting him view her beautiful nipples, just back off to avoid upsetting her.

In our case, she tried on a couple sexy outfits, ultimately one that completely exposed her breasts. We dropped our shorts, she sucked our cocks, then fucked us. A month later she started inviting him over for her exclusive enjoyment.

In your case, I would tell her that the guy is wealthy and recently divorced.

[swl2608]

Explain to her that you’ve vetted a decent guy to join you two for an evening of chit chat and nothing more… unless she decides otherwise… and you just want to be sociable.

I think this is as far as he would get. Can't see SW taking kindly to Slenderfish lining a 'prospect' up for her.

It's a great idea though! Just don't think she'd go for it unless she was fully involved in the plan.

[afagehi7]

Explain to her that you’ve vetted a decent guy to join you two for an evening of chit chat and nothing more… unless she decides otherwise… and you just want to be sociable.

I think this is as far as he would get. Can't see SW taking kindly to Slenderfish lining a 'prospect' up for her.

It's a great idea though! Just don't think she'd go for it unless she was fully involved in the plan.

Agree 100%... What if fish were to find guys on SLS or SDC that would be suitable candidates and show SW? She wouldn't be mad but I doubt it would work. She seems like farm girl in that she wants to find guys IRL.

[slenderfish]

I'm curious if Mr. B and the guy she fucked in her hometown (not the flaky friend) are sexually dominant. That may be another facet that attracts SW besides the obvious things you've stated. Have you two ever talked about a dom/sub sex life?

We have talked about this a bit, kind of stumbled into the matter when we were consulting in the fall of 2021 with a "sex coach" as SW wanted a bit of outside authority to help her make sense of the whole stag/hotwife kink. The sex coach was much more familiar and comfortable with the dom/sub and related. It turns out she was an active Master and had gotten into the coaching gig from there.

The coach did her own research, as did we, and one of the points we all discovered, and effectively agreed upon, is that there are parallels in the power exchange and dynamics of both style of kinks. SW chuckled when she stumbled onto something that associated political affiliation with the style of kink. Apparently the stag/hotwife (and cuckold) kinks are more associated with politically conservative people.

We have not straight out discussed this. Not really even on the radar. But is now on my radar.

[slenderfish]

Here’s what I would do, because it worked for me. But in our case it brought her out of Hotwife retirement to ride again.

Create an online profile, as a husband of a wife “who just might have sex with you.”

Find a handsome, worthy man who is open to meeting you first, about the possibility of meeting her.

Explain your situation to the handsome man, vet him, and if worthy invite him for a private party at home.

Explain to her that you’ve vetted a decent guy to join you two for an evening of chit chat and nothing more… unless she decides otherwise… and you just want to be sociable.

Hopefully she decides, why not?

During that private party, turn into the kind of dogs men really are, and comment on how nice she looks, then both ask her if she would model different outfits for you two to admire.

If she accepts, she’ll get turned on by the reactions, and try on progressively more daring outfits.

If she finally exposes her breasts, either completely or just sheerly, both you and he drop your pants. If she enjoys sucking cock she’ll probably take advantage of the situation.

If she doesn’t model, or does so without letting him view her beautiful nipples, just back off to avoid upsetting her.

In our case, she tried on a couple sexy outfits, ultimately one that completely exposed her breasts. We dropped our shorts, she sucked our cocks, then fucked us. A month later she started inviting him over for her exclusive enjoyment.

In your case, I would tell her that the guy is wealthy and recently divorced.

I like this suggestion. I'll look for an inroad to begin it, but don't think such an inroad will show itself for some time.

I agree with the others that this likely has low odds of coming to fruition in the way it panned out for you, but I can't really see any downside to starting the conversation with SW and seeing how far it might proceed.

[Tryn]

Have you tested the waters of SW saying to just be direct with her on what you want? Maybe just telling her you want her to seduce her trainer is what she wants to hear from you. Perhaps she’s wrestling with it in her mind and wants you to confirm for her that she should go for it? Perhaps she wants you to directly give permission on that or other things, such telling her to go out while you’re away and bring a man home?