Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[afagehi7]

"The therapist comment that "everyone has sexual fantasies" may be true."
This is not a true statement. Many women do not fantasize about sex. I know, I'm married to one.

How did you get married to my wife?

[Happyjohnson]

"The therapist comment that "everyone has sexual fantasies" may be true."
This is not a true statement. Many women do not fantasize about sex. I know, I'm married to one.

How did you get married to my wife?

You mean there are more than 3 in the world!

Mine also claims to not have any sexual fantasies, much as I wish to differ and asked frequently in the past - now I have just given up on ever finding out about them!

[slenderfish]

"The therapist comment that "everyone has sexual fantasies" may be true."
This is not a true statement. Many women do not fantasize about sex. I know, I'm married to one.

I suppose that was a very broad statement. Her point was that fantasies are normal and enrich the sexual experience, and that everyone can have fantasies (as humans). Also that every human has certain things that turn them on, some more than others.

She encourages SW to begin viewing soft porn or similar, across the spectrum of sexual matters, to find out what might rev her engine.

[slenderfish]

SW likes her wine and that is unrelated to any hotwife elements. It's just that sometimes when she is in the relaxed and uninhibited place, she will do sexy things (like cuddling or wrestling with her girlfriend or dancing on a pole in front of friends) that are apparently desires she doesn't otherwise permit herself.

[solstice]

Many women do not fantasize about sex. I know, I'm married to one.

Some women can't admit to themselves of their urges, my wife maintained she never masturbated, when driving home from a birthday meal she was a little intoxicated from a few free drinks brought to her by the waiter, she had her hand up her dress and was rubbing her pussy, I looked over at her and she blushed and said her panty hose were up too tight were causing her to itch, five minutes later she asked me to find a place to park, I turned off the road and she was in the back seat in no time with her knickers off and her legs spread and ready.

[slenderfish]

SW's mother is an alcoholic. So we have been careful over the years. However, once the pandemic hit, SW did take her social drinking to a new level. We are actively talking about the subject and better managing her intake and frequency of going out and hitting it hard. Proving at this point that she can have a nice time out to dinner with a glass of wine or two, and leaving it at that. She is the one driving this subject.

[slenderfish]

I have to brag. Yesterday at the sex-positive therapist session, SW had been activated at the Sunday wedding by a "frenemy" and was saying that I had not been properly supportive of her distancing from that friend. That I'd talked to the friend and even found myself on the dance floor with the friend.

My point and position is that we are at a mutual friend's wedding and celebrating him/them. That we must be polite and reasonably friendly with all the guests, as an element in the social compact. And that I really don't want to get sucked into the details of girls' stuff.

The therapist asked SW to find a place of peace inside herself, to take a breath and relax.

She then noted to SW that she has seen many couples over the years for many different reasons, and also her personal experience and observing friends and family.

She said compared to all those populations, SW married "extremely well" and should be appreciative of what she has, and to remember we are all different and our differences can be seen as positives or negatives. We choose.

[veub]

SW likes her wine and that is unrelated to any hotwife elements. It's just that sometimes when she is in the relaxed and uninhibited place, she will do sexy things (like cuddling or wrestling with her girlfriend or dancing on a pole in front of friends) that are apparently desires she doesn't otherwise permit herself.

What led to my question is watching the video of her in the pool. I found it sad.

[afagehi7]

I have to brag. Yesterday at the sex-positive therapist session, SW had been activated at the Sunday wedding by a "frenemy" and was saying that I had not been properly supportive of her distancing from that friend. That I'd talked to the friend and even found myself on the dance floor with the friend.

My point and position is that we are at a mutual friend's wedding and celebrating him/them. That we must be polite and reasonably friendly with all the guests, as an element in the social compact. And that I really don't want to get sucked into the details of girls' stuff.

The therapist asked SW to find a place of peace inside herself, to take a breath and relax.

She then noted to SW that she has seen many couples over the years for many different reasons, and also her personal experience and observing friends and family.

She said compared to all those populations, SW married "extremely well" and should be appreciative of what she has, and to remember we are all different and our differences can be seen as positives or negatives. We choose.

Even as hot as she is, she married well. You're certainly a high value man and could easily get another SW, easier than she could get another fish.

[william70]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

[slenderfish]

SW likes her wine and that is unrelated to any hotwife elements. It's just that sometimes when she is in the relaxed and uninhibited place, she will do sexy things (like cuddling or wrestling with her girlfriend or dancing on a pole in front of friends) that are apparently desires she doesn't otherwise permit herself.

What led to my question is watching the video of her in the pool. I found it sad.

The pool was a bit out of context. The birthday boy hosted a party in the desert and it was 90 degrees at midnight. His right-hand man made an arrangement with SW that if she went into the pool, everyone would follow, first behind her would be the birthday boy. So when that didn't happen, she tried to get the birthday boy to join her, but he was too shit-faced to even try. He apologized to her some days after, when we saw him again.

[slenderfish]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

1. I actually didn't dance with her, she got pushed onto me and I deliberately danced very sloppy and stepped on her toes so that I could beg away. The groom came off the dance floor after his dance with his bride, and took me to dance with his new wife, since she does love ballroom dance and the groom knows that it's my hobby. When more ballroom-style/couples-style dancers came to the dance floor, the groom pulled his wife to the next guy and she paired me up with the frenemy. The new wife does not know about the intrigue between this woman and SW.

2. Yes, it's a process that I see happening in layers. SW will try to "cut down" and if she is able (you know the odds) that's great. But if she is not, then we (she) must realize it's a bigger challenge after all, and start making the difficult decisions. I just can't be that guy, the bad guy; rather, I'm assisting and shepherding her to the realization.

[afagehi7]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

1. I actually didn't dance with her, she got pushed onto me and I deliberately danced very sloppy and stepped on her toes so that I could beg away. The groom came off the dance floor after his dance with his bride, and took me to dance with his new wife, since she does love ballroom dance and the groom knows that it's my hobby. When more ballroom-style/couples-style dancers came to the dance floor, the groom pulled his wife to the next guy and she paired me up with the frenemy. The new wife does not know about the intrigue between this woman and SW.

2. Yes, it's a process that I see happening in layers. SW will try to "cut down" and if she is able (you know the odds) that's great. But if she is not, then we (she) must realize it's a bigger challenge after all, and start making the difficult decisions. I just can't be that guy, the bad guy; rather, I'm assisting and shepherding her to the realization.

SW likes her wine and that is unrelated to any hotwife elements. It's just that sometimes when she is in the relaxed and uninhibited place, she will do sexy things (like cuddling or wrestling with her girlfriend or dancing on a pole in front of friends) that are apparently desires she doesn't otherwise permit herself.

What led to my question is watching the video of her in the pool. I found it sad.

The pool was a bit out of context. The birthday boy hosted a party in the desert and it was 90 degrees at midnight. His right-hand man made an arrangement with SW that if she went into the pool, everyone would follow, first behind her would be the birthday boy. So when that didn't happen, she tried to get the birthday boy to join her, but he was too shit-faced to even try. He apologized to her some days after, when we saw him again.

Fish you're rocking it. You're killing it at life with a hot AF wife, slamming career, a house most of us will never be able to afford , better fitness shape, and probably better looking than all of us. Don't let the jealous guys get to you. You are farther in the hotwife journey than most of us will ever go. You do you as obviously you are successful.

[2inUPMichigan]

I'd say do a search for local guys on Doublelist, explain the situation to the guy, have him hang in the back and after a couple glasses of wine up front tell her of your 'gift' waiting for her in the back and she can either leave through the front door or the back.

Not cool, she needs to make a sober decision before the night starts if she is interested or not.

[superb101]

Seems to me hotwifing needs to be abandoned until the alcohol issue is confronted and dealt with. Im actually wondering if the issue with alcohol isnt keeping the hotwifing from moving forward. There are reasons for alcohol addiction!

[veub]

SW likes her wine and that is unrelated to any hotwife elements. It's just that sometimes when she is in the relaxed and uninhibited place, she will do sexy things (like cuddling or wrestling with her girlfriend or dancing on a pole in front of friends) that are apparently desires she doesn't otherwise permit herself.

What led to my question is watching the video of her in the pool. I found it sad.

The pool was a bit out of context. The birthday boy hosted a party in the desert and it was 90 degrees at midnight. His right-hand man made an arrangement with SW that if she went into the pool, everyone would follow, first behind her would be the birthday boy. So when that didn't happen, she tried to get the birthday boy to join her, but he was too shit-faced to even try. He apologized to her some days after, when we saw him again.

It doesn't make it any less sad. She looked totally wasted and everyone was either ignoring or laughing at her.

[william70]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

1. I actually didn't dance with her, she got pushed onto me and I deliberately danced very sloppy and stepped on her toes so that I could beg away. The groom came off the dance floor after his dance with his bride, and took me to dance with his new wife, since she does love ballroom dance and the groom knows that it's my hobby. When more ballroom-style/couples-style dancers came to the dance floor, the groom pulled his wife to the next guy and she paired me up with the frenemy. The new wife does not know about the intrigue between this woman and SW.

2. Yes, it's a process that I see happening in layers. SW will try to "cut down" and if she is able (you know the odds) that's great. But if she is not, then we (she) must realize it's a bigger challenge after all, and start making the difficult decisions. I just can't be that guy, the bad guy; rather, I'm assisting and shepherding her to the realization.

#1. I will stick with my opinion. SW didn't deserve this.

#2. You are simply enabling her. This only extends the issue. This always makes things worse. I strongly sugest you attend an NA AA meeting. These meetings are specifically designed for the spouse/loved one of an alcoholic.

[afagehi7]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

[johnstevens555]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

I agree with you on the points on alcoholism. Surely you notice that it is usually these same two trolling all of the good threads.

[william70]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

Are you saying that someone who see's a possible problem, and offer advice as bashing? You make it apparent your knowledge of alcoholism and recovery is limited.

[william70]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

I agree with you in the points on alcoholism. Surely you notice that it is usually these same two trolling all of the good threads.

Please enlighten us on your definition of trolling, please.

[TheHammer]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

Agree, this is a sex forum, not an alcoholism forum. Slenderfish is smart and astute and he doesn’t need to be lectured. If he wanted advise about alcohol use, he would ask it. Since he didn’t, it’s a personal matter between him and SW.

[william70]

There's a difference between enjoying drinking and being addicted. If she is drinking in the morning, there's a problem... intoxicated 5 days a week, problem... Tying one on over the weekend is acceptable behavior for people who don't have kids. If it run in the family, certainly monitor it closely.

I don't get why these guys are bashing fish.

Agree, this is a sex forum, not an alcoholism forum. Slenderfish is smart and astute and he doesn’t need to be lectured. If he wanted advise about alcohol use, he would ask it. Since he didn’t, it’s a personal matter between him and SW.

SF brought up her drinking. If he didn't think it was a issue why did he bring it up. SF has 141 pages to his thread. He knows what ever he writes is going to bring on a conversation. Kudos to him. I gave him my POV. What he does with it is entirely up to him, not anyone else's.

[2inUPMichigan]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

1. I actually didn't dance with her, she got pushed onto me and I deliberately danced very sloppy and stepped on her toes so that I could beg away. The groom came off the dance floor after his dance with his bride, and took me to dance with his new wife, since she does love ballroom dance and the groom knows that it's my hobby. When more ballroom-style/couples-style dancers came to the dance floor, the groom pulled his wife to the next guy and she paired me up with the frenemy. The new wife does not know about the intrigue between this woman and SW.
You always had the option of politely excusing yourself and state you already promised the next dance to your wife.

2. Yes, it's a process that I see happening in layers. SW will try to "cut down" and if she is able (you know the odds) that's great. But if she is not, then we (she) must realize it's a bigger challenge after all, and start making the difficult decisions. I just can't be that guy, the bad guy; rather, I'm assisting and shepherding her to the realization.

I also agree the therapist was way out of line. I would have never gone back after she essentially told your wife to shut up and be grateful because she married "extremely well". How insulting for a professional therapist to place more value on one person than the other, certainly not her job to do so.

Giving your wife homework to watch porn so that she can find something to fantasize about, as if she is broken because she says she doesn't fantasize It is not a requirement to have fantasies!

[afagehi7]

WOW. I've got all sorts of issues with your and your therapist's statements.
1. I agree with SW that you should not associated your self with the friend/enemy. So your telling us had there been 500 guests there and 250 of them were women you felt obligated to dance with everyone? No,no,no. You danced with that person either conscientiously or unconscientiously to have some effect on SW.
2. Your going to have a hard time with this statement, but it is true. Social drinkers do not have hangovers!!! They do not have to "sleep it off."
I am sure that there are a few people out there that have successfully quite drinking on there own. There is no one (alcoholic) that I'm aware of that has successfully cut back and stayed there. This includes my mother, myself and 2 of my children. We all tried and failed.
Just say'n.

1. I actually didn't dance with her, she got pushed onto me and I deliberately danced very sloppy and stepped on her toes so that I could beg away. The groom came off the dance floor after his dance with his bride, and took me to dance with his new wife, since she does love ballroom dance and the groom knows that it's my hobby. When more ballroom-style/couples-style dancers came to the dance floor, the groom pulled his wife to the next guy and she paired me up with the frenemy. The new wife does not know about the intrigue between this woman and SW.
You always had the option of politely excusing yourself and state you already promised the next dance to your wife.

2. Yes, it's a process that I see happening in layers. SW will try to "cut down" and if she is able (you know the odds) that's great. But if she is not, then we (she) must realize it's a bigger challenge after all, and start making the difficult decisions. I just can't be that guy, the bad guy; rather, I'm assisting and shepherding her to the realization.

I also agree the therapist was way out of line. I would have never gone back after she essentially told your wife to shut up and be grateful because she married "extremely well". How insulting for a professional therapist to place more value on one person than the other, certainly not her job to do so.

Giving your wife homework to watch porn so that she can find something to fantasize about, as if she is broken because she says she doesn't fantasize It is not a requirement to have fantasies!

None of us know the whole session or lead up to the session. Fish is a competent guy and I'm certain he hired a well qualified professional. The therapist knows what she is doing. We're just Monday morning quarterbacking when we only watched 5 minutes of the game.