A virtual cuckold?

[Long Lurker 34]

Understood. I'm taking your advice to relax and breathe.

Feelings I'd managed to suppress by throwing myself into work and relaxing at the dog park have been rushing back this week. Thoughts of getting to know this lady (if it's even still on the cards. This week has felt sooooo long) are bringing up the same battle I had with park girl 1.0 Getting to know someone else outside of my marriage just isn't me. I feel a bit torn about it all. Like to proceed I feel like I'm admitting to myself that my marriage is over. In most respects it has been for almost 3 years now. What we had is pretty much completely gone, with some papering over the top to keep up a facade.

Pushing those thoughts aside and remembering to breath. I'm getting way ahead of myself. For now I'm just getting to know a new friend. I don't have to decide between anything yet.

After the way I've been treated for so long I shouldn't be feeling guilty, but yet I still do. Nothing has changed since I told my mum about park girl 1.0 about 6 months ago. In 12 months nothing will change unless something changes. This could be the catalyst for change in whatever form that takes.

I've decided to say no if my wife wants to come all of a sudden. Especially last year has shown me that I need friends of my own, I was doing it really tough and had nobody except for the person causing my problems.

NAC - 'Friends of your own'. - Excellent idea and a good basis to start with PG 3.0. Just be a friend and don't go reading into all sorts of things if she does not showing up tomorrow. Don't forget, she has a whole life outside of bumping into you at the dog park.

Breath.

And distraction. There's a reason why, on numerous other threads, why the guys do a lot of house cleaning. It takes your mind away from what your wife is doing. Yours is a different circumstance, but just the same continuous dwelling on your situation will cause or lead to a lessening of mental health.

Breath. And be well.

I really hope she's there tomorrow and it goes as well as last week was going. Hoping she'll understand my hasty exit. She knows I'm married but I'm sure she's also figured out something isn't right there since I'm always alone.

Oh and her brother was there again last night and he commented how much their dog has warmed up to me.

[whosbeensleeping]

Nice perspective Long Lurker. Well said.

[newaussiecuck]

She came! I went an hour later than usual but still had to wait 30 minutes which felt like forever. Just when I was thinking she wasn't coming I saw her and waved and she waved back. She looked happy to see me there.

We had a great time, and you'll be happy to hear it's at least a friends first approach. We played with the dogs, sat close and talked for a bit, got up and played with the dogs again, sat down and talked again and got to know each other a lot better. She asked a lot of questions about me and my nature. I told her that I really enjoyed hanging out with her, she's got a good energy and vibe etc. At one point she made an interesting comment where she said that she feels like she's my dog's third owner. I'm still pondering that a bit as to exactly what she means, but it was a pretty deep multilayered comment. It was said in a positive way though. I guess it subtly acknowledges that I have a wife, and that she's more than just a random person we bump into at the park. Interesting I guess.

We spoke about what we each do for work, and she commented that I look very fit and sporty ( she's not the sporty type). She liked how I mentioned that I like a lot of old-school traditional ways of doing things, after I mentioned that I mowed my lawn with an old school push mower that morning.

It was just a good, fun time getting to know a new friend. She already knows me better now than anyone else that goes there including people I've known for 12 months. She's very perceptive I would say.

Oh and I finally asked her name and of course she told me. Interestingly though, after I then told her mine she said that she already knew my name. She said that she had asked around for people that know my dog and found out my name in that way. Again-> interesting.

We didn't exchange contact details but we'll meet again next Saturday. We would have met again the next day but our schedules didn't line up and she can't make it during the week. I feel good to take things slooooow anyway. Too fast would be overwhelming for me, and I don't want to lead her on either. It would also allow me time to hopefully sort somthing out with my wife possibly. I don't think she will budge on her online thing though, but I'll need to try obce again before I could possibly date this other girl.

[newaussiecuck]

Just remembering some other questions she asked. Things like whether I'm the type that likes to stay home mostly. I mentioned that I like do like to be doing things and spending a lot of time outside, but I think she was really checking that I'm not the type to be out partying all night.

I just highlighted it as it's not really a relevant question for just a dog park friend. Otherwise why would she care about that.

[whosbeensleeping]

Sounds nice.

[newaussiecuck]

On Sunday, wife and I went out for an hour or two to do some shopping and got takeaway for lunch. It was good and I was starting to feel a bit guilty for talking with L (PG3) and thinking about her, and I was almost forgetting our problems and feeling like a normal couple again. She was being nice again and buttering me up a bit. I went and made us coffee and when I got back she was on her computer again. I wasn't even half way through drinking my coffee before she started asking what I was doing now and giving off major "well you can't stay here" vibes. I made myself scarce, but stopped feeling guilty again. Can't even sit on my own couch!

Long Lurker - I hear you about the housework and distractions and that's pretty much all I do. I also work out a fair bit now and I must admit I'm in pretty good shape now, and I won't lie that it did feel good that L seemed to notice what kind of shape I'm in. My mental health has also been great and I feel pretty strong like I can handle anything life throws my way.

I still need to decide whether to go away alone to see my family or stay home with wife for more of the same. It also means I'll possibly see L a bit more, but that's not factoring into my decision. Probably good for me to get away again and get some more perspective. It all reminds me how little things have changed though in that 6-7 months when I went away alone to see my dad around the time that I was messing things up with PG1. Now I'm maybe going away alone again while L (PG3) is in the equation. I'm a much stronger and confident person now though, I was a complete basket case back then with PG1, what a mess! L actually commented about me being an extrovert. I've never seen myself that way but I'm definitely a lot more confident now in approaching complete strangers. I've improved a lot personally in this last 6 months, and to be fair I guess our relationship has too in some ways, but it also feels really fake to me. Everything still revolves around her online relationship, what/if we do anything on the weekends, even what time we eat lunch.

When I look back at everything over the last few years with cold eyes, from the "I'm done" comment, to the way she treated me during my surgery, to going alone to my dad's funeral even now to my potential trip away alone. Every indication points to our marriage being over and she's just keeping me around because:
1. It's convenient
2. She gets provided for
3. She gets a protector in the house
4. She gets to fulfil all her other needs through her online relationship

It's only when she notices that I'm really off that she pulls me back a bit, butters me up until I forget about it and then she's back to her regular program. So much manipulation! When I do anything or feel like leaving then I'm left feeling guilty for it, but when I try to work through and resolve things by sitting down and talking etc she's not interested in fixing things, it's evident that she likes things just the way they are.

[newaussiecuck]

A short update. Quite unexpectedly, I saw L again last night! It was a complete surprise as I wasn't expecting to see her until Saturday. Increadibly, we arrived at the gate from different directions at exactly the same time when I had no idea she was even coming. I had previously invited her to go during the week when I first met her and another time since but she couldn't make it during the week. So yeah, that was very unexpected. She got a pretty warm reception from me to see her there.

It was pretty good and we had great fun playing with the dogs. I was really struck by her energy and confidence with being the centre of attention amongst my 20 or so friends that were there, who were all complete strangers to her. Maybe she wanted to guage how I would react with her there in front of all my friends. Would I play things down, pretend not to know her? I guess she got her answer. No, not at all.

It would have been pretty clear to all there that something is up. Not that we actually did anything, we didn't really even talk much just played and talked about the playing, but the energy between us was pretty electric. She definitely got noticed. Its probably raining today so likeky won't be going, but I'll see if there's any comments tomorrow. If asked, I'll just tell the truth that she's a new friend. I guess at this stage we're just kicking the tyres and seeing what's the potential.

That's only the 6th time I've seen her in 2.5 weeks, so it's all still very new and she seems pretty sensible to keep things slow.

I was positively buzzing when I got home, was hard to not let it show too much. She didn't come to bed until after midnight again though, so if she suspected anything it didn't change her online habits.

[whosbeensleeping]

That seems pretty nice. I do worry about what seems like an essentially passive approach to your situation though. That doesn't always work out.

[newaussiecuck]

Look you're right and I guess it's a case that if you're not the one driving then you're being driven. Although I'm improving I do still need to work on this area.

In terms of taking action I have sat down to talk to her but it wasn't receptive. She just told me to do more around the house, which I did but nothing changed. I've tried getting angry and telling her how I can't talk to her anymore because of her computer use, but nothing changed. I let her feel she was losing me to park girl while I was away visiting my dad when he was sick, when I was upset she, but apart from a brief 1 week or so period of buttering me up until she felt park girl was gone, nothing has changed. I've tried being nice and showering her with attention and massages for weeks on end, but nothing changed. I've tried being distant and just busily getting on with my life over the last 6 months or so, and although things feel better for me as I'm not feeling so much for her, nothing really has changed. She would rather spend Easter alone than go away with me (if I go).

I think the only next move is to ask if she's willing to let her computer "game" go and if so then I'll help in whichever way I can. If not, then I'll just have to ask if she's willing to risk losing me to keep up with it. I could even suggest counselling but I told think she'll take it up.

The hesitation that I have is she'll likely just pay lip service and agree to stop if I stop going to the dog park (my friends there have really kept me sane through this mess), only for her to continue in a more hidden way (on her phone, or when I'm not home), after I've given up a good chance with someone really nice. I don't really think there's anything that will convince me she's truly stopped, my trust in her is really broken to be completely honest. At every point when I've made it clear she has to change she does in some small way, just emough to get me off her back. But it never really changes what she does at the heart of the problem, the online affair.

As I said recently, at the heart I think she was done and gone but hung around longer when I put up with it as she realised she could have her cake and eat it too. She'll need to understand that there'll be no more cake at my expense. I'm not putting up with this shit much longer.

I realise that some very difficult and honest conversations need to be had, and soon.

Meanwhile I feel that I should be free to explore options with L, talking isn't any worse than what wife has been doing for years now. I may learn that we're not right for each other, for now though I'm liking her quite a bit. More talking needs to be had with both L and wife before anything really happens one way or another. I've learned though that talk is cheap, it's actions that matter.

I woke up 3am last night and I could see she was on her phone through the covers. I know she can and does play her game on her phone, so doesn't take a genius to figure out she was up talking to her online person.

[TinyTim]

I’m confused. You’re posting in the cuckold forum about “virtual cuckolding” but you don’t seem to get off on it. It upsets you. You look for love elsewhere, the park. I’d say either embrace your cuckold status and enjoy it, or if you can’t, which seems likely, then move on from this rut you’re in. Climb out and enjoy life. Best wishes.

[newaussiecuck]

I’m confused. You’re posting in the cuckold forum about “virtual cuckolding” but you don’t seem to get off on it. It upsets you. You look for love elsewhere, the park. I’d say either embrace your cuckold status and enjoy it, or if you can’t, which seems likely, then move on from this rut you’re in. Climb out and enjoy life. Best wishes.

No need to be confused at all, I can explain it pretty simply. Whether this problem was caused by me initially expressing some interest in cuckolding or not is something I can't fully answer. If it was, then this thread serves as a warning to those throwing caution to the wind and blindly proceeding down this path.

With much cold reflection, I don't think my problems have anything to do with that. I think it's a case that as my wife has grown older, she's become aware that her sexuality isn't what she thought it was. I think that over these last few years I've probably also become a bit more masculine in my appearance and demeanour which has only made the situation worse. I think the root of our problem is that I'm of the wrong gender. I guess I should have taken heed very early in our relationship/marriage when she told me that she never ever thought she would get married and never knew that someone like me existed. I didn't realise it at the time, and just took it as a compliment. However when I think back on it now, that isn't what a normal healthy girl who is attracted to men says. Her choice of online partner also speaks volumes.

I guess I started this thread a while back as I tried to grapple with the reality of what was happening to our relationship and marriage. It was a way to rationalise and try to become at peace with it and try to find a way to embrace it. That approach failed spectacularly, but at least I made the attempt and can close the door on that approach. I think it's wise that I create a new thread that more relates to what is happening in my life now. I also don't care to go back and read some of what I have written here.

To clarify, I never did go to the park to "look for love", it kind of snuck up on me last year and bit pretty hard unexpectedly with park girl 1. She spent weeks, maybe a couple of months trying to get my attention but when she finally got it, it was all too late and she had already found someone else. But it did open my eyes to new possibilities that maybe I could/should explore in my life. I'll get back to this later, but I guess from that moment onwards I kind of had half an eye open and is why I have reacted faster to L. Not to mention that L is a lot more socially acceptable, PG1 would have raised some pretty serious eyebrows.

It's pretty clear to me that my wife can't remain in a marriage to me without the primary relationship that she has formed on the side. I say primary as that is what it is, it's at least 95% of her interactions with another person, probably even as high as 99%. We hardly talk, and when we do it's her talking at me rather than a proper discussion. We never discuss any feelings or proper relationship kind of stuff. We're best described as friends or flat-mates, with some air of pretending that it's otherwise.

She's happy to push me aside and push me away. She was hell-bent on making sure that I could cope on my own without her. Maybe she sensed I was too dependent on her (which I was) and needed to break that in order to move on and away from me. However I think the plan changed and became doing just enough to keep me around.

"then move on from this rut you’re in. Climb out and enjoy life. Best wishes." - Yes that is very good advice and the path in which I am taking. I've spent the best part of 3 years trying to climb out of the rut that I'm in with my wife by my side. Ready to move on with life with my wife and to have a happy life together. I no longer share optimism that this is possible. Over the last 6 months I've pulled myself out of this rut alone, I did it all myself and now I'm feeling strong and standing on my own 2 feet. I'm not dependent or beholden to anybody. I can cook, clean, shop and do everything on my own. I spend the majority of my time on my own. I look back at my wife as she spends hours and hours typing away at her computer, and I don't really feel love anymore. I do feel pity that she seems to have fallen in love with someone that she probably can't really be with. What a mess she has caused for herself, but I can't continue to suffer the consequences of her actions.

Back to the park. When I met L (park girl 3) I wasn't even looking. As she was a new person (and yes I admit a bit cute but I was just being a gentleman I swear) I showed her how to use the facilities there to get her dog some water. Maybe she just thought I was nice, but although she told me she would only go once a week, she came again the next day and the next day after that. It wasn't until the next week when I saw her for the 4th time that I realised that maybe she's a bit keen on me and I really started to notice her. It was the part when she made sure that I knew that the guy taking her dog there during the week wasn't her partner, but was her brother. That made it pretty clear to me that she was interested. We're still getting to know each other, and it's all very early but I'm starting to get a bit keen on her too. She's not a glamorous supermodel or anything like that, but to me she's a bit cute and really it's her energy and personality that I find most attractive. She's just a nice, good, down to earth, homely kind of girl with an attractive confidence about her and I really like that! As we get to know each other further, we'll see if we can be something more. She really impressed me the other night when she was able to come and surprise me with a visit, and the way she was when she was there.

As for me wife, today I'm working from home and busy with my work and she's starting to get into that really weird over-talking, babbling kind of frame and it's making me feel pretty uncomfortable again. It makes me withdraw and makes her do it even more. If she was talking about real stuff then I would listen, but it's kind of just disjointed nonsense. It hasn't stopped her from shutting the door to the room that she's in while on the computer, which is her new habit of an afternoon (bedtime for her online person). I can only imagine what she's doing in there, but it's clear that she doesn't want me interrupting. She's starting to panic about me withdrawing, but it doesn't cause her to reconsider getting off the computer. I think that's all the answer that I need to be honest.

So yes, I think I'll create a new thread to post in if I do continue posting.

[whosbeensleeping]

I think you're doing a great job all things considered, and are clear in your mind. Nonetheless I guess I was thinking that a therapist could be a useful sounding board for developing action plans for various outcomes.
I don't feel smart enough to advise you well. However a good trained therapist ought to have some good thoughts or be able to help you find your own.
Or maybe you have a clear path in your mind already.
I'm just thinking that if you're going to remove the golden egg you'd do well to be as best prepared as you can. Having been through two divorces, I can attest that the "hell hath no fury" saying is entirely accurate.
Not trying to sour your vibe. I'm really happy you have something positive with a woman. I think our hearts need that. But a cautionary note might also be in order.

Edit: just read your latest update and it sounds very clear indeed. You are the only one who can have a clear picture of your situation. Personally I don't think your thread needs to be positive about the experience in order to be relevant to the forum topic. I very much hope you keep posting and we can follow along and hear how things are going for you.

[newaussiecuck]

I think you're doing a great job all things considered, and are clear in your mind. Nonetheless I guess I was thinking that a therapist could be a useful sounding board for developing action plans for various outcomes.
I don't feel smart enough to advise you well. However a good trained therapist ought to have some good thoughts or be able to help you find your own.
Or maybe you have a clear path in your mind already.
I'm just thinking that if you're going to remove the golden egg you'd do well to be as best prepared as you can. Having been through two divorces, I can attest that the "hell hath no fury" saying is entirely accurate.
Not trying to sour your vibe. I'm really happy you have something positive with a woman. I think our hearts need that. But a cautionary note might also be in order.

Edit: just read your latest update and it sounds very clear indeed. You are the only one who can have a clear picture of your situation. Personally I don't think your thread needs to be positive about the experience in order to be relevant to the forum topic. I very much hope you keep posting and we can follow along and hear how things are going for you.

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I've thought long and hard and I did talk to that therapist last year (who just pushed towards marriage counselling) but I didn't find his talk to be super helpful. In all honesty I think it's my wife that needs the therapist. I've done some reading and a lot of people say that marriage counselling can often makes things worse not better.

This could either go really easily (she could say thank God, I've been waiting for you to finally get the hint - probably unlikely), or REALLY crazy nasty.

I'll try and diffuse this bomb as best I can, but I think it's helpful to move slowly with L. No need to rub her face in it. Slowly also allows to see what her true feelings are. Like I'm just not going to be F-ing L while trying to pretend I have a happy marriage. That's just not me, nor would L allow it either.

Whatever happens, I'll need to be super strong. No matter what I do I'm likely going to be hurting someone, but I've been hurting for almost 3 years now.

I spoke to my mum 6 months ago in regards to park girl, so she won't be super surprised I guess. Disappointed of course, but she said she'll support me in whatever I decide. I had told her some of what was going on and she was pretty horrified. I'll just let her know that it's all still the same.

Not sure when it will be, but once I figure out that L and I want to start dating (if it gets that far), then it's time to sit down for some frank and honest discussions. At least then I can say "I haven't done anything yet . . . . . . but I have met someone really nice who wants to start dating me. Where are we at?" etc etc. I think this is the best approach as I can come up with. The timing of this discussion will be key. Not too late and not too early.

Plans never go as expected, but at least it's something to aim for at least for now.

[TinyTim]

Thanks for your explanation above newaussie. I’m not in your shoes but if I was I think I would have to have a full understanding of precisely what is going on in your wife’s online game. That’s the elephant in the room. Marriage counseling would be the logical next step, or individual therapy as suggested by whosbeensleeping and others. IMO the marital relationship has to be dealt with first. Either fix it or if unfixable, divorce. You imply she’s a lesbian, at least that’s what I gathered above. Do you know this? Is her online partner female? Why not take all the guess work out of this? Also, a note of caution re: L. Does she assume that you’re single? Are you wearing a ring? Will she consider you of questionable character if she discovers she’s deceived here? I don’t know. Clearly if you aim to get serious with her or anyone else then you first need to be truly available. Unless it’s just a fling you’re after. Something tells me you want more than that.

[newaussiecuck]

Thanks for your explanation above newaussie. I’m not in your shoes but if I was I think I would have to have a full understanding of precisely what is going on in your wife’s online game. That’s the elephant in the room. Marriage counseling would be the logical next step, or individual therapy as suggested by whosbeensleeping and others. IMO the marital relationship has to be dealt with first. Either fix it or if unfixable, divorce. You imply she’s a lesbian, at least that’s what I gathered above. Do you know this? Is her online partner female? Why not take all the guess work out of this? Also, a note of caution re: L. Does she assume that you’re single? Are you wearing a ring? Will she consider you of questionable character if she discovers she’s deceived here? I don’t know. Clearly if you aim to get serious with her or anyone else then you first need to be truly available. Unless it’s just a fling you’re after. Something tells me you want more than that.

"I’m not in your shoes but if I was I think I would have to have a full understanding of precisely what is going on in your wife’s online game."

Yes, I actually do know precisely what is going on with her game. I did speak to a lawyer last year and he said that I'm within my rights to find out what is happening within my marriage. So yeah, it's not pretty. In fact it's probably the worst that you can imagine. I won't write any details.

"Is her online partner female? "

The answer to this is yes. Her online partner is female. There is also a catfishing element here, her online partner doesn't know my wife's true gender. I find this behaviour disgusting and reprehensible and I cannot abide by it any longer. It also tells me a lot about my wife’s character and I don't think this is fixable. Once you see, you can't unsee. I truly had no idea she would be capable of this, the way she has treated me and the level of lies, gaslighting and emotional manipulation/abuse. I've tried to suppress thinking about those elements, but now that I do, I don't think I even want to try and fix things anymore. I've tried so much already but I think my thoughts and energies would be best spent on exiting this situation and possibly looking towards a better future with L or if not her then someone else.

"Also, a note of caution re: L. Does she assume that you’re single? Are you wearing a ring? Will she consider you of questionable character if she discovers she’s deceived here?"

L knows that I am married, but I think she rightly suspects that somthing is not right at home. I'm wearing my ring, she would have seen it for sure. Also the first time I met her, I was also looking after my mother in law's dog, and I introduced the 2nd dog to her as "My mother in law's dog". She knows. Further, she stated that she feels like she's my dog's 3rd owner, so she's also verbally stated her acknowledgement that I'm married, while also stating what her intentions are within that one statement.

We haven't spoken about this, but I do understand that in her culture it's kind of socially acceptable for someone my age to leave his wife for someone around her age. For someone her age, it's considered preferable to partner with someone of my age. I would be considered stable, able to provide for and raise a family and not be running around town partying and chasing girls.

Apart from just wanting to see me and play with the dogs, I think her surprise unplanned visit on Tuesday was also partly to guage how I would react around her publicly. If I was a married guy just trying to sneak around and have a fling, then I would likely react by flinching away, keeping distant, pretending I don't really know her. Instead I was smiling and laughing with her, standing close and talking etc. It's one thing to say things, but I think how we were that night would be somewhat reassuring for her in many ways. Nothing I could ever say would ever give her that level of reassurance as to my intentions.

The way we've talked, things we talk about, slow pace, nothing physical as yet (not even a hug or touch of hands) are all indicative of long term interest and not a short term fling. I think she's also rightly taking her time to get to know me before proceeding further.

In terms of my marriage, theres a legal term in contract law I believe somthing along the lines of constructive termination. It's where one party behaves in such a reprehensible manner that it can deem the contract to be terminated early. Somthing about they have behaved in a way that indicates that they want the contract terminated. I believe my wife's behaviour could be thought of as such a constructive termination. I don't think it would have any bearing on divorce proceedings though. However, she's behaved in a way indicative of not wanting to be married.

One incident I clearly remember and still haunts me. My dad was sick and dying in hospital last year and while I was giving my wife an update on his condition, her eyes glazed over in deep thought and then she put her head down typing to her online person. That was when I truly knew.

I'm pretty concerned and apprehensive about how this will play out. I'm kind of expecting full psychological warfare and will need to be very strong in my convictions. Proceeding slowly should hopefully reduce the risk to my physical safety but I will still need to be on guard.

[TinyTim]

I wish you good luck resolving this and great happiness going forward.

[newaussiecuck]

I wish you good luck resolving this and great happiness going forward.

Thank you my friend.

[newaussiecuck]

The weather was pretty shit this morning and although it had mostly fined up when I was there,it had been raining and it was pretty cold and windy and miserable. Long story short, I didn’t see L during our usual time. Maybe she came later but it was already getting onto lunch time so I don't think so. Not reading anything into it, wet and muddy dogs aren't much fun. The way she came on Tuesday when it was pretty difficult for her to go at that time probably says enough. Was looking forward to it today, and feeling a bit flat but maybe she's feeling the same who knows.

To be honest I was also pretty wrung out so having some rest probably wasn't the worst thing for me. Wife has been doing a lot of over-talking/babbling and generally trying to pull me back in. That sounds positive except that at the same time nothing changed about her computer use, so unfortunately it was all fake and just emotionally draining.

I did go to my mother in law's earlier this morning, alone as per usual, and I took the opportunity to have a conversation and lay some groundwork for what might come later. I just reiterated some things she had already observed herself about my wife's computer use. She said "It's very bad that one, I don't like it. It's no good". I also let her know that I might be going away alone to see my family. I told her that she's always on her computer typing away and she said "I know, she won't even come here to see me". I didn’t say much more than that, but just kind of let her see I'm very unhappy with how things are. She's really proud and fond of me, and she knows I've tried my very best with someone so very difficult. Whichever way things go, the conversation has no downside in either scenario.

I did a good workout tonight and ate a lot of good food, feeling a lot more centered now. Hopefully a good night's rest will have me recharged again.

[Long Lurker 34]

AC - I think you posted earlier this situation with your wife has been going on for three years. If you have been trying to right the boat for this long and there has been no sustained improvement, then in my, internet hazed view, it's rightfully time to beat feet and cut your losses.

[whosbeensleeping]

Thanks for sharing the details of your wife's carryings on. Such a difficult situation, and there's no guidebook for it.
I too wish you the best and am hoping for the best possible outcome.
As you say, if things work out with L, that will be a bonus. In the meantime, I'm sure her attention lifts your spirits.
All the best.

[newaussiecuck]

AC - I think you posted earlier this situation with your wife has been going on for three years. If you have been trying to right the boat for this long and there has been no sustained improvement, then in my, internet hazed view, it's rightfully time to beat feet and cut your losses.

Yes, almost 3 years now and that's pretty much where I'm at. I did speak to a divorce lawyer about 7 or 8 months back, but then my father passed away and I couldn't cope with losing my dad plus ending my marriage while trying to start a new job. Now that I've grieved and settled into my job, I guess it's time to revisit that.

[newaussiecuck]

Thanks for sharing the details of your wife's carryings on. Such a difficult situation, and there's no guidebook for it.
I too wish you the best and am hoping for the best possible outcome.
As you say, if things work out with L, that will be a bonus. In the meantime, I'm sure her attention lifts your spirits.
All the best.

Thank you, yes it's a tough situation for sure. Yes L has lifted my spirits but also maybe knocked me a little off centre. I need to make sure I keep a calm head.

I was hoping but not expecting to see L today. We'd never spoken of meeting today, that was for yesterday. I would be lying if I didn't say doubts were starting to creep back in. Will I see her again? No reason to think that of course, but I guess that's a natural feeling and all part of the fun. Absense does make the heart grow fonder.

In the meantime I'll try keep the peace with wife. It's really tough this week, the pushing away and pulling back is REALLY tough to deal with. Either have me or just leave me alone. She called yesterday after I'd only been at the park half hour basically telling me to come home. Last weekend she was making up dumb reasons for me to leave. Sigh.

[Long Lurker 34]

NAC - I think you posted earlier this situation with your wife has been going on for three years. If you have been trying to right the boat for this long and there has been no sustained improvement, then in my, internet hazed view, it's rightfully time to beat feet and cut your losses.

Yes, almost 3 years now and that's pretty much where I'm at. I did speak to a divorce lawyer about 7 or 8 months back, but then my father passed away and I couldn't cope with losing my dad plus ending my marriage while trying to start a new job. Now that I've grieved and settled into my job, I guess it's time to revisit that.

NAC - I believe in whatever manner you get through this extremely trying and vexatious period and the sooner the better too, you will be left feeling quite roughed up. That being so, hopefully then, you can take sometime and allow your life to right it's self into a more calm situation.
Remember to breath.

[newaussiecuck]

Thanks LongLurker. yes no matter which way things fall it won't be easy. I just know that things can't stay the way they have been. I have thought, planned and prayed a lot in this last week. I feel that as long as I stay true to myself, and handle things with honour, honesty, courage and dignity then I will get through this period as smoothly as possible. I do need to be on guard for tricks, deceipt, manipulation and emotional blackmail.

My philosophy in life is do what is right and act with honour, and then the chips can fall where they may. If I do this, then I can live with any consequences of acting in a right manner.

The other night I did a guided meditation/prayer and I prayed for both L and then my wife and afterwards when I thought of L I felt this swelling of my heart and a feeling of light and the positivity that she exudes. Then when I thought of my wife I felt negativity and darkness. Somehow through her talking with this online person she has changed, and not in a good way. She's not the same person that I married. This exercise gave me some much needed clarity on my path forward.

There's always a chance of course that I'll never see L again as it's now been a week, but I don't think so. I feel a connection to her and I am sure she will be back. I don't know for sure, but I also feel that maybe I could have possibly met a couple of her friends last night. A young couple came in, of roughly the same age and likely country heritage that L is likely descended from and managed to talk to me a bit. The girl seemed pretty interested in my dog like maybe a bit overly so, like maybe she had heard of my dog before.

Just a feeling I had, that maybe L or someone else in thd family had sent them there in the same way that she had sent her brother. It's within custom to meet family VERY early. Maybe a way to do it discretely. It's customary to meet and seek approval from family before dating.

[newaussiecuck]

I wrote the above post yesterday. Last night, yet another new couple were there before I arrived and they were sitting off to the side all by themselves. I spent time with my friends but after maybe half hour I got up and walked over to them and spoke to them about their dog. They were very friendly, maybe a little bit overly so and again like the couple yesterday they seemed pretty pleased to meet my dog. This couple were older and of the age that I would expect L's parents to be at. I have a strong feeling that I might have just met L's parents! They were like bubbling over with excitement to talk to me, that's not usual for first time meeting a stranger at the park.

Wife knows somthing is up with me and now seems to be putting on a show of best behaviour, while still staying on the computer but I'm not sure if something is even up with that. She knows that I'm not sleeping, which is very unusual for me. Whenever I leave the house she says "Don't be too long". She's trying to pull me back in again after nearly 3 years of pushing me away and neglect. After everything that she's done to me, it's not fair to be doing this to me now. I have a feeling that she will invite herself to the park tonight. I think I'm going to have to tell her that she can't come tonight, it's my time to spend with the only friends that I have. Sad thing to say, but it's true.

Even if wife stops everything with her computer I still feel maybe it's all too late. It doesn't solve the problems that caused it to start in the first place. That it was with another woman. The "I'm done" comments for no reason. The terrible way that she treated me. If I give up maybe a great thing with L to stay with wife, then how soon before it happens again? I'll never be able to trust her.