A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

The exit plan idea is a good one and will help keep you grounded when everything explodes around you.
I'm sure the workouts are a life saver too.
The stuff you observe is real. That's human nature, so I think your caution is well-advised.

"The stuff you observe is real." - Yes I have to keep reminding myself of that. Because of the extreme gaslighting I often catch myself questioning whether I'm just making it up and whether it's really happening. Probably fell for it so many times over the last few years which is probably why I'm still here. I'm also way too nice so find it hard to imagine someone could do somthing like this.

I remember a story she told me when she was growing up as a kid. Another kid stole some fruit so she grabbed a knife and chased her down the street. Kind of haunts me to think about. Then she once warned me what she would do if she caught me messing with another woman, Lorena Bobbitt type stuff So yeah. . . .

[newaussiecuck]

OK, so now I'm all kinds of confused. I stopped by the park on my way home from work, just in the last minutes of sunlight. I went straight there to chat to some of my friends knowing they'll be gone by the time I go home and pick up my dog. Also after missing L on Saturday I wanted to check if she had come or not.

To my surprise L's brother came not too long after I got there with L's puppy. I was pretty happy to see her as it has been quite a while.

Anyway so while there he casually asked somthing like confirming that I know his sister. I said yeah but haven't seen her for quite a while. He mentioned that the puppy has been having separation anxiety because his sister has been out of the country on holidays (to an Island holiday destination a lot of people go to). I was thinking to myself that's why I haven't seen her, as she's been away. To confirm I asked if she's still away now and ge said "Yeah, she's on holidays with her partner"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My stomach kind of fell away from me, but I think I managed to look casual enough. He was asking about my dog and I said it was going to be too late to bring her as usually nobody is here so I just came to see some friends. He said to ho get her and he'll be around half hour or so more. So I did and we chatted a bit more while the dogs played.

I asked his name and I told him mine (he kind of gave the impression that he knew it already which was interesting). I then said "And your sister is L yeah?" and he confirmed yes.

Later he asked where the toilets were and I looked after the puppy while he was gone (so he trusts me enough for that which was nice).

He said he'll come a bit earlier tomorrow and that he'll see me then.

So yeah, not sure what to make of that. She was so clear to make me realise that her brother wasn't her partner. Could it be a test to see whether I'm some kind of psycho who'll spit the dummy and freak out? That's the best case scenario I can come up with, but feeling pretty confused and a bit turned inside out.

Not sure what to make of this.

[Domingo-ITA]

Non-English native speaking here, so please forgive any harshness in my words. I can assure I don’t mean to be harsh.

Frankly, L’s outcome isn’t surprising. Of course her brother was not her partner, she didn’t lie to you. But of course there *is* a partner.
On the other hand, even if no partner was there, you still were running way too fast. She is a woman you only saw 4-5 times, you don’t see her since a month, you both don’t know each other’s surnames, address, email, telephone number, work, friends, preferred restaurants, preferred readings, political/civil ideas… and you still have mentioned you thinking having kids with her.

This makes me think you seem to be a bit disconnected from reality. This is perfectly normal, as since years you are living in one of the most toxic relationships I have read about.
My advice: don’t even think to start another relationship for now. Any failing now (as in L’s case) could affect your psychological wellness. A new relation will come when you will be in peace with yourself.
Before that, you really need to step out from your marriage, as soon as possible, regardless of how your wife behaves today or tomorrow. It’s not a thing of how she behaves but if there is something to save in your relationship with your wife.

Again, please forgive any harshness in my wording.

[newaussiecuck]

Non-English native speaking here, so please forgive any harshness in my words. I can assure I don’t mean to be harsh.

Frankly, L’s outcome isn’t surprising. Of course her brother was not her partner, she didn’t lie to you. But of course there *is* a partner.
On the other hand, even if no partner was there, you still were running way too fast. She is a woman you only saw 4-5 times, you don’t see her since a month, you both don’t know each other’s surnames, address, email, telephone number, work, friends, preferred restaurants, preferred readings, political/civil ideas… and you still have mentioned you thinking having kids with her.

This makes me think you seem to be a bit disconnected from reality. This is perfectly normal, as since years you are living in one of the most toxic relationships I have read about.
My advice: don’t even think to start another relationship for now. Any failing now (as in L’s case) could affect your psychological wellness. A new relation will come when you will be in peace with yourself.
Before that, you really need to step out from your marriage, as soon as possible, regardless of how your wife behaves today or tomorrow. It’s not a thing of how she behaves but if there is something to save in your relationship with your wife.

Again, please forgive any harshness in my wording.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and detailed response. Although you're a non-native English speaker I understood your meaning perfectly. I didn’t find your words too harsh in any sense. In fact I do agree 100%. I think I had even written that I recognised that I was getting ahead of myself.

Good news is that having not seen L for so long she couldn't have gotten the impression from me of moving too fast. I think she has actually handled things perfectly to give me the space needed to sort out my feelings and intentions etc.

I wrote my above post in a raw state right after leaving the park. Maybe I'm too much of an optimist or have rose coloured glasses on but having slept on it, I'm actually feeling a lot better about the encounter. Whether there is or isn't a partner I'm not sure. She certainly didn't act like she had one. Having seen PG's behaviour with having partner and reading up on dating girls from this culture she would NOT speak with me in the manner she did if she had a partner. If she did, she was clearly looking to maybe move on from this partner. Or maybe her trip away is to get engaged to her partner and she was using me to kind of test her feelings and see if she had the right guy, who knows.

Reading between the lines by the way her brother acted, I get the impression that I'm being invited to become friends with him first. I let him know I was heading home to go walk my dog and he kind of insisted I should get her and bring her back to the park. Like he wanted to hang out a bit. Then he was pretty clear about saying he'll be coming again the next day but a bit earlier and will see me then. It kind of makes sense to me that I would need to be friends with him anyway if I was to be with L, so it makes sense to start there and spare L of hurt feelings if I turn out to be a jerk.

I don't know, but I just get the feeling that the mention of partner was to test my reaction and as a way to kind of make it a friends first kind of thing. Like a way of saying not to get ahead of myself, but also a test to see if I'm serious and in it for the long haul. Knowing I'm married they would have serious doubts about whether I'm just after a quick fling with her. I feel a bit like they're setting roadblocks for me to test my intentions.

I could be totally wrong about this of course. Either way it doesn't change where I go from here. I need friends of my own as mentioned and whether thats just friends with her brother and/or L then I think that is a good outcome on its own. Who knows maybe it's a good place to start and build onto something more if that's an option later.

Edit: It was also interesting that he knew and mentioned that it has been quite a long time since seeing the puppy and how much she had grown. Thus I got the sense that he was well across the situation. For example she went to the park Saturday afternoon and asked about me. He wouldn't know that she didn't see me then unless they had spoken about me and the situation.

If he was just giving the message about partner as a way to make sure that I stay away from her (and he never said to stay away or gave such an impression, it was just a casual but deliberate comment), then why the follow up invites to hang out yesterday and again today? It seems there's more to this.

[newaussiecuck]

Domingo-ITA - Also wanted to acknowledge your other advice around not starting another relationship just now and impacts on my well-being. This is sound advice. Would starting as friends with Ls brother would also help I guess.

Having said that, without a nice juicy carrot to provide motivation to leave it can be all too easy to drift along even if it's a bad situation. She'll do whatever she needs to in order to make it so that I don't leave. When I see her as she is right now she's the perfect wife that I would be crazy to leave. I know this is unfortunately an illusion and who knows how long before things slide backwards again.

I'm just realistic in myself and what I've allowed to happen and what I've put up with already. Without a decent shove and carrot as motivation it is quite hard to leave. Drifting along day to day takes much less effort and resources than the shit-fight I'll go through in order to leave. These last 2 weeks have been hell and that was only for standing my ground about her not going to the park.

Then I have to also consider how much a divorce will cost me.

[newaussiecuck]

Sorry for yet another post. My mind has been going a million miles an hour.

If I was just some random guy at the park to L, and she was happy with her partner then why would her brother feel the need to mention anything at all about L? Why go to the trouble of weaving into the conversation about her "being overseas with her partner"? I've said nothing nor done nothing to indicate interest in her above what she had indicated to me, and that was a private conversation only with her, and only subtle indications of interest at that so early on. There was no need to say anything.

As mentioned, he seemed to indicate that he knew my name already. Why would he even know that if I was just a random park friend? Something doesn't add up. Why would they even be speaking about me if I meant nothing to her?

Sorry but somtimes it's just helpful to pen my thoughts whatever they may be.

Edit: For that matter, why would she have gone to the trouble of asking around about me to find out my name before I asked for her name? Strange behaviour for someone with a partner? If she met him around the same time as me and chose him instead, then it would seem a little soon to be taking an overseas trip with him.

Her last words to me were "I'll see you on Saturday" after that amazing surprise visit in which we both seemed to have so much fun. I'm at a loss as to what could have happened. It's all a bit confusing to me, but I'll just let it all wash over me and continue to just work on myself and finding a way out of my situation.

I still can't believe the one time I don't go in 2 to 3 months (last Saturday afternoon) is the one day she comes and was asking for me.

Last update: Her brother didn't come to the park tonight.

[whosbeensleeping]

Re carrots: Eros is the engine of the world.

[newaussiecuck]

No L at the park again this morning but not entirely surprised after what her brother said the other day, plus I think with holidays her puppy school is still cancelled (3 weekends in a row, plus the 1st one likely cancelled due to bad weather). Plus she's supposed to be out of the country at the moment, with her "partner".

I won't say that I can understand this partner thing. Maybe everything changed after I didn’t show up last Saturday? Surely that can't be it though.

I guess looking back the exact same thing happened with Park Girl 1.0. All interested and such until I showed the slightest interest too and then she disappeared for a bit and then suddenly had a partner. Is it some kind of game or ploy that I don't know about? Maybe a way to even the playing field given that she knows I'm married? Was she just playing stupid games? I'm at a loss as to where I went wrong both times. I think I need help with my game if I'm going to be single. I'm completely not ready for it and don't know if I ever can be. I guess I just like simple and straightforward.

It's just weird and I don't pretend to understand it at all. I'm feeling really stuck as I can't contemplate single life if it's going to feel like this.

Had a day out with wife and her friends. I think it must have been nearly a dozen tines during the day that she asked if I was OK. Maybe I was acting distant but I'm not surprised, I feel distant. I thought of L a bit.

[mundyman]

Your wife is a narcissist. I would look up online ways to deal with a narcissist and their behavior. Most of it involves calling them out in their behavior and not allowing yourself to be bullied.
Your wife spends all day in bed, doesn’t work??? Why do you put up with this? She must find something to do that involves getting out of the house. Is she unemployable? No wonder she finds comfort and relationships in her online bubble. As we say here, “she needs to get a real life.”

Stop with the Park girls. They are mind candy that allow you to create a happy fantasy land where you are in the relationship of your dreams. You continually allow yourself to think they are truly interested in you and you begin to create a life with them that will never happen. You are continually fooling yourself and using them as the salve to distract you from your shitty primary relationship.

The communication you have with your wife sucks, if your story is an accurate one. You two have terrible communication as you both fail to talk about and confront the issues in your relationship. Yet you can’t understand why nothing changes. It’s time to have those sit down, painful, honest conversations with her. State clearly your issues with her and the consequences of there being no changes. Meaning, telling her the relationship is over and you’re leaving. And then mean it.

Good luck.

[newaussiecuck]

Well, I went to the park again yesterday afternoon and left maybe 10 minutes after the last person left. I had to pick some things up at the shops. After that, for some reason on a hunch I decided to drive past the park again. Someone was there, a lady but it wasn't L. However the dog looked like it could be L's dog.

I went in, and the dog greeted me at the gate. It looked exactly like L's dog and I called it by name and it responded. I went over to the lady and asked "Is this (L's dog's name) and she said yes.

I just met L's mother!!!!!!!!!!

She seemed nice and we talked a bit about the dogs. She did mention that L was away but didn't mention a partner. I got the impression she wasn't too happy that she went away and left the dog behind. She did ask an interesting question though. She asked if I'm working. I explained all about what I do and she seemed pleased.

At one point she pulled out her phone and took a video of the dog playing. I'm pretty sure she also took a video of me and the dog and maybe my dog.

When saying goodbye I asked her name and said that I was pleased to meet her. She said likewise.

So there you have it. I've officially met L's mother, and it wasn't the lady that I had guessed it could be when I thought it was that couple a couple of weeks back.

[whosbeensleeping]

That's cool. Sounds like it lifted your mood.

[newaussiecuck]

Your wife is a narcissist. I would look up online ways to deal with a narcissist and their behavior. Most of it involves calling them out in their behavior and not allowing yourself to be bullied.
Your wife spends all day in bed, doesn’t work??? Why do you put up with this? She must find something to do that involves getting out of the house. Is she unemployable? No wonder she finds comfort and relationships in her online bubble. As we say here, “she needs to get a real life.”

Stop with the Park girls. They are mind candy that allow you to create a happy fantasy land where you are in the relationship of your dreams. You continually allow yourself to think they are truly interested in you and you begin to create a life with them that will never happen. You are continually fooling yourself and using them as the salve to distract you from your shitty primary relationship.

The communication you have with your wife sucks, if your story is an accurate one. You two have terrible communication as you both fail to talk about and confront the issues in your relationship. Yet you can’t understand why nothing changes. It’s time to have those sit down, painful, honest conversations with her. State clearly your issues with her and the consequences of there being no changes. Meaning, telling her the relationship is over and you’re leaving. And then mean it.

Good luck.

Thanks for your input and sorry I haven't had time to respond until now. Even now I feel time is too short to say everything that I need to say. Will do my best at least for now.

I haven't has as much time as I would like but I looked up the narcissism traits and signs and yes I can see a lot of them for sure. It's been a but of a revelation and explains a few things. For example when I showed her extreme displeasure in what she was doing online, the way she would always twist things around and come up with other reasons for why I was so upset. From what I've now read she was incapable of conceiving that she had done somthing wrong.

It explains even now the way she is seemingly able to try and sweep everything she's done wrong under the rug like it never happened. I haven't seen an ounce of guilt or remorse for what she's put me through. In fact when we had that blowup a couple of weeks back when I prevented her from coming to the park with me, she was angry with me, instead of conceiving why I might have acted the way I did.

Wow, what a revelation! Plus all those times I've mentioned that she takes credit for the good things that I've done. and blames me for bad things or ideas she's done.

I think maybe the online world appealed to her so much as she was able to weave a life in which she was absolutely brilliant. Reality could be suspended.

Yes she's capable of working (or at least was) as she has 2 university degrees. However early on I guess I allowed her to stay home as we were planning to raise a family and a stay at home mum would have been good with me. In hindsight should have made sure she worked at least until we had (in this case didn't have) kids.

Do you think we are fixable? I strongly doubt it, and not sure if I can go through much more pain caused by her.

Wife has completely changed now and so quickly my head is spinning. From not wanting anything to do with me to now all over me and making plans, caring about the smallest detail with me. Last night she started talking about selling our house so we could move closer to my work so that I would have a shorter commute and not have to be away from home for so long each day. Either that or find a new job closer to home. I'm frankly at a loss as to how to respond to this. but more time at home is the last thing I'm wanting right now.

I understand these are also more traits of narcissist.

Wow, so much to think about.


With the park girls I never sought out any of them, they came to me I guess you could say. If someone REALLY nice personality-wise comes along and shows interest then I want to explore that. She's not a knock-out or eye-candy but she seemed very real and very nice. Her mother and brother I would describe likewise. I do see potential for a very nice future with her if she was as genuine as she seemed.

Yes, communication with wife is absolutely terrible. It was never like this until a few years ago. We used to talk about anything and everything. I guess it's not surprising that nearly 3 years of being locked out of her life have caused communication problems.

[whosbeensleeping]

Glad mundyman's content is helping you gain some insight.
I agree with his assessment. Not sure I have anything more to add. Take your time and proceed with care. It is good that you don't have children, if a breakup does happen.
It does seem convenient that a move closer to work would take you away from the one place you enjoy, the park.

[newaussiecuck]

Just to add. Don't forget that at the time our problems started (when she chose to move her life online and get into an online marriage with another lady, without telling me of course), we were in somewhat of a Domme/sub female lead marriage type of thing.

She had all the power and I guess this suited her narcissist personality (if that is indeed what it is, but I agree the signs are there) to a T. She got put up on a pedestal and could do no wrong. She was worshipped and treated like a Queen.

Yes I share some of the blame for what I've allowed to happen, but at the time I was in a very weak position in our relationship to question or criticise anything. "Don't question my authority" has been uttered in times past.

After seeing what she's done and who she really is it's very unattractive. I can see she's trying to do things to earn my validation and praise, but I just feel unable to give it without being completely fake.

I think long and hard about what I would need from her in order to make things right between us and I struggle to think of something. What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of being at the hospital with me as I undergo a fairly major surgical procedure?

What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of travelling with me to see my father for the last time (and first time in 3 years). And for not going to his funeral? Or when I returned from his funeral and asked her to watch a recorded video of it with me so that we could at least share that experience in some small way that she declined even that request.

[newaussiecuck]

Glad mundyman's content is helping you gain some insight.
I agree with his assessment. Not sure I have anything more to add. Take your time and proceed with care. It is good that you don't have children, if a breakup does happen.
It does seem convenient that a move closer to work would take you away from the one place you enjoy, the park.

Thank you, yes it has been very helpful. It also helps me to see that after all these years of blaming myself (or letting her blame me) for all mistakes made that maybe wasn't so terrible after all.

I must say that was the first thing that I thought of last night. She's angling for any way possible of keeping me from going to the park. I spent all afternoon with her and her friends on Saturday afternoon and she was giving the worst case of sad puppy dog face when I was leaving for the park.

I can't lose that fight, it's a stake in the ground that I need to stick to. It's a place I can go to for a little socialisation and taste of normality no matter what else is happening in my life. If I relent and let her come, then I lose that. I can't be free to talk to people with her hovering around. Plus if she stops coming or we do split then I will feel her ghost everywhere there. I need somewhere to be free from her presence.

[newaussiecuck]

It's also not lost on me that although she's done a complete 180 in these last couple of weeks, it was only after she sensed that I was preparing to walk out the door. It's very sad that she waited until it was all too late before doing what I'd been asking for these last 2.5 to 3 years.

I think part of it too is so that she can say "see I've made all these changes for you, so now you can stop going to the park for me". Mind you, they're all things she should have been doing all along anyway. It's not many brownie points earned when it's just what should be normal behaviour. I also question how long she'll be able to keep it up. If it's not genuine and is just for show then it won't be sustainable.

[newaussiecuck]

That's cool. Sounds like it lifted your mood.

Yes it did lift my mood. It's not like she lives around the corner. It's about a 15 minute drive for her mother to get there from her place. Plus she came at the same time of day that her son (L's brother) saw me there last time. Unfortunately it was kind of too late and already dark. Was just a miracle that I decided to go back.

Point being, of all the places and times of day she could have taken the dog, it seemed a bit too much of a coincidence to not feel like she went there to meet me. 15 minutes away and late in the day when it's already dark on a weekend night. Maybe it was just coincidence, but I'm not a huge believer in coincidences.

There was also the question confirming that I'm working. It felt like she was just making sure that I wasn't some loser that her daughter was wanting to get involved with. It probably doesn't help that I don't really dress to impress, I'm not materially driven.

Of course all that doesn't mean shit unless/until I actually see L again. I hold out hope that she did try to see me the weekend before last, but I won't lie. It was a real gut punch when her brother mentioned that she was away with her partner.

One thing is for sure though, I do think it was for the best that I didn't see L during this time. It's allowed me to sort out a lot of feelings given the space. I didn’t expect to feel such a strong reaction against my wife's attempts to draw me back in. Given it was what I wanted for so long, I think it was for the best to experience this away from any entanglement with L. She's given me motivation to take some action and stand my ground more firmly than I usually would, but I don't feel pressured or under undue influence. It's been hard enough, but I think I would have been torn in two if L was pulling me hard at the same time.

So I'm just trying to keep a level head, defend my space at home and ability to go to the park and enjoy life as much as I can. I do think I deserve it. I don't owe anybody anything.

[whosbeensleeping]

Just to add. Don't forget that at the time our problems started (when she chose to move her life online and get into an online marriage with another lady, without telling me of course), we were in somewhat of a Domme/sub female lead marriage type of thing.

She had all the power and I guess this suited her narcissist personality (if that is indeed what it is, but I agree the signs are there) to a T. She got put up on a pedestal and could do no wrong. She was worshipped and treated like a Queen.

Yes I share some of the blame for what I've allowed to happen, but at the time I was in a very weak position in our relationship to question or criticise anything. "Don't question my authority" has been uttered in times past.

After seeing what she's done and who she really is it's very unattractive. I can see she's trying to do things to earn my validation and praise, but I just feel unable to give it without being completely fake.

I think long and hard about what I would need from her in order to make things right between us and I struggle to think of something. What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of being at the hospital with me as I undergo a fairly major surgical procedure?

What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of travelling with me to see my father for the last time (and first time in 3 years). And for not going to his funeral? Or when I returned from his funeral and asked her to watch a recorded video of it with me so that we could at least share that experience in some small way that she declined even that request.

Sounds like you know your mind pretty well. I think you have the answers to your questions.
Sometimes we can be driven by fear of being alone.

[whosbeensleeping]

Saw this quote tonight:
Trying to make a narcissistic relationship work is like bailing water from a sinking ship while your partner punches more holes in the hull and yells at you for not working fast enough.

[newaussiecuck]

I just spent a good 45 minutes at the park with L's mother. She was already there when I arrived.

The puppy spent a good bit of time on my lap, she kept coming back to me (instead of L's mother). She commented about how much the puppy likes me, and then some other comment that I didn't fully catch. It was along the lines of her being partly my puppy. Not those words at all, but it was some kind of indication to that effect.

I showed her a video of my dog and L's puppy playing together and she commented about how well they play together.

I asked and she said that L will be coming back home on Thursday. I subtly mentioned that I hope to see her again soon, it's been a very long time since I've seen her and she kind of smiled a little I think and said "Yes". Not sure if she 100% understood what I was subtly trying to say (and English is her 2nd language), but I think she got the gist of it enough.

Otherwise it was just a calm peaceful fun evening at the park, hanging out with L's mother.

Oh and she took lots of photos and videos so definitely captured me in some of them. She was also texting a bit. I couldn't see who with, but I do wonder if it was L.

[Long Lurker 34]

NAC - If by some chance you end up remaining with your wife, I would you only do it on the basis of you becoming the Domme and your wife being the groveling sub.

[newaussiecuck]

Just to add. Don't forget that at the time our problems started (when she chose to move her life online and get into an online marriage with another lady, without telling me of course), we were in somewhat of a Domme/sub female lead marriage type of thing.

She had all the power and I guess this suited her narcissist personality (if that is indeed what it is, but I agree the signs are there) to a T. She got put up on a pedestal and could do no wrong. She was worshipped and treated like a Queen.

Yes I share some of the blame for what I've allowed to happen, but at the time I was in a very weak position in our relationship to question or criticise anything. "Don't question my authority" has been uttered in times past.

After seeing what she's done and who she really is it's very unattractive. I can see she's trying to do things to earn my validation and praise, but I just feel unable to give it without being completely fake.

I think long and hard about what I would need from her in order to make things right between us and I struggle to think of something. What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of being at the hospital with me as I undergo a fairly major surgical procedure?

What can make up for her choosing to be at home with her online relationship instead of travelling with me to see my father for the last time (and first time in 3 years). And for not going to his funeral? Or when I returned from his funeral and asked her to watch a recorded video of it with me so that we could at least share that experience in some small way that she declined even that request.

Sounds like you know your mind pretty well. I think you have the answers to your questions.
Sometimes we can be driven by fear of being alone.

Yes, it would seem so doesn't it.

Indeed and perhaps that's the reason she didn't leave me back when she indicated she wanted to. Maybe I'll actually be doing her a favour and setting her free.

[newaussiecuck]

Saw this quote tonight:
Trying to make a narcissistic relationship work is like bailing water from a sinking ship while your partner punches more holes in the hull and yells at you for not working fast enough.

That seems remarkably accurate. I can relate to that very well actually. Brings back some memories for sure.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - If by some chance you end up remaining with your wife, I would you only do it on the basis of you becoming the Domme and your wife being the groveling sub.

As written about in this thread I did try and go back to being sub to her and it was a miserable failure. I'm never going back to being sub with anyone so you're probably right. I don't see her as being sub either so probably wouldn't work. I do agree though, probably the only way we could stay together.

Interestingly, I think this last few years has really toughened me up and I've grown into somebody more attractive to someone like L it would seem. I'm not the person that I used to be, that's for sure.

[whosbeensleeping]

More power to ya.
That turned out to be a lovely meeting with L's mother.
Even if it doesn't become something more, that was a lovely experience to have.