Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[ktcouple]

When you connect with a new guy, what’s more important for you, that you have personal or sexual chemistry first?

My wife had several thirds who she connected only on a sexual level with, and she is interested in an fwb type of connection more now. I’m comfortable with a connection that’s focused/based on sex to grow a bit more friendly, but I’m not so comfortable if it’s the other way around, a connection based on a mutual interest, work, friendship, growing into sexual.

How other hotwives see this?

[Farmgirl]

When you connect with a new guy, what’s more important for you, that you have personal or sexual chemistry first?

My wife had several thirds who she connected only on a sexual level with, and she is interested in an fwb type of connection more now. I’m comfortable with a connection that’s focused/based on sex to grow a bit more friendly, but I’m not so comfortable if it’s the other way around, a connection based on a mutual interest, work, friendship, growing into sexual.

How other hotwives see this?

Without personal chemistry first, there will be no sexual chemistry for me. A personal connection makes for great sex, without it I may as well just do myself, at least there would still be a connection .
You seem worried about your wife having or developing a connection. That is normal for husbands without much experience, but it's not.a good thing. It shows a lack of trust in your wife and your marriage.
I would advise working on the trust issue, it will reap rewards far, far down the road.

Love is not a finite emotion, it is endless in quantity. Children, family, friends, lovers, all can be loved without shorting anyone, and everyone is loved differently.

[Sexilexi]

When you connect with a new guy, what’s more important for you, that you have personal or sexual chemistry first?

My wife had several thirds who she connected only on a sexual level with, and she is interested in an fwb type of connection more now. I’m comfortable with a connection that’s focused/based on sex to grow a bit more friendly, but I’m not so comfortable if it’s the other way around, a connection based on a mutual interest, work, friendship, growing into sexual.

How other hotwives see this?

This is a difficult question to respond to because this lifestyle brings so many different avenues that one couple could take. Of course the couples who are into a romantic connection will say that it is how they do it. And the couples who are more into one night stands will say they get the most fulfillment out of that.

My advice: have a big serious talk with your wife. Both of you come up with pros and cons to venturing out into the unknown. I second farmgirl’s advice also, about trust. You both can voice your opinions, talk about the what ifs, open up completely to eachother on this topic, and listen to eachother.

I second farmgirl’s “love” comment as well. She is right on par with saying that love is displayed in so many different ways. Love isn’t one emotion. You don’t love pizza like you love your mom. You don’t love your wife like you love your best friend.

Bottom line though - for me, personally, connection (whether it’s sexual or romantic or personal) with another man makes the sex so much hotter. But that doesn’t mean I go and love every man I fuck. But again, I’m only one Hotwife doing it the way I desire lol… maybe the Hotwife next door just wants to get hit on by a man she’ll never see again and that is the hottest sex ever for her. Lol We hotwives are all different lol

Just talk to her. You’ll be surprised how well you both connect once you voice it all out!

-Lexi

[ktcouple]

I would advise working on the trust issue, it will reap rewards far, far down the road.

Thank you (to both of you) for the advice, I think you’re right and there is still some insecurity on my side that I need to work on. We will definitely discuss this more.

[runaway]

Question from a wannabe: Do any of your husbands eat your cream pies or is that just a wannabe fantasy?

[Farmgirl]

Question from a wannabe: Do any of your husbands eat your cream pies or is that just a wannabe fantasy?

It is my Hotwife reality! I have an active, frequent sex life with my husband, and my boyfriend, along with an occasional FWB. My husband nearly always licks me clean afterward, only rarely does he not.
For me, it is a loving, bonding moment. I feel loved and cherished that he would clean me intimately after I've been with another man, the ultimate approval and support of who I am.
That is the loving side, there is also the sexually on-fire side .

[Jasmaras+74]

Hello everyone, nice to meet you all, after taking the advice from a member on this site. I figured id post my story here, as to hopefully garner some more insight from other people. Firstly, just to add some context. I am here to talk about my experience with being in this life style, and the somewhat short bit i experienced from it. Finally. Let me explain my situation. Any advice is appreciated of course. Firstly, I've been aware of my boyfriends fantasy for sometime. I am 22 years old, and he is 23. We've been dating the past 3 years now from college, and no matter how much of a goofy goob he maybe. I love him a lot. So, this past year starting around I want to say the summer time last year. He informed me of his fantasy, that is to see me be with other guys. Now, we've talked through this me and him a lot, that is not the problem. The problem I have, is that in the past 4 months. We've decided to take this fantasy of his to the next level. Of course, I actually enjoy this fantasy a bit myself. Granted, for a little bit of different reasons I am sure apart from his. Nevertheless, we have some little teases I would do to indulge him in his fantasy a little bit. Pretending I was on the phone with another guy, whilst we played around a little bit nothing harmless, but. Again, after some discussing with my boyfriend. We decided to playfully flirt with someone online, we laid it out openly how this is just some play tease that I am doing for him, talking with this stranger. As he watched me do it, or later tell him about it. The guy was understanding, happy, and we seemed to be having a fun time. Besides the blatant flirtatious play we would do back to one another, we also began to talk about life in general, life, hobbies, jobs, passions, etc. It was rather nice to have the time to talk with another guy, who for the most part seemed to be rather respectful, and interesting to talk to. Now, over time I felt our little chats were becoming too intimate. Saying good night to one another, focusing more on actually seemingly getting to know one another. Than some simple play reminiscent of some new found lovers dirty chat. Now, of course. I have no problems with that, after all. I participated in these chats, and it was rather nice to actually talk about our passions in equal regards to one another. It was rather fun and interesting. But, after some time. I began to feel uncomfortable, as. As I said. The chats began to grow more intense imo to actual intimacy, albeit it being a stranger over the internet. I began to grow addicted to our nightly chatter I felt, and broke it off. My boyfriend during the whole thing of course, seemed rather ecstatic, as this was apparently what he really wanted to see, not some simple lust filled chats. But an apparent actual genuine connection we were seeming to form. Nevertheless, I broke it off. Yes, he was fun to talk to. And god he was veeery interesting. And, when i broke it off. He seemed genuinely saddened, as even though i stopped using the associated account we used to discuss with him, reddit btw. He shot me a message soon there after. Saying he misses me. Finally, what I want to get here is. As other people who are more generally experienced with the road this life style seems to be, at least to me. Did I over step a line? Perhaps, do I even love my boyfriend? I know that sounds so stupid, but. I feel terrible about the situation, nauseous even. As yes we did talk about me moving on from talking to him, but. I feel I have nobody else to really bring up with this. And I know I feel deep inside, that I cannot say that I am wholly innocent from this. As I felt genuinely happy, and yet sick he wanted to talk still. Even though I told him that I am breaking it off. Anyways, I'm sorry if my verbal spewlage is an incredibly messy swamp of sentences, but. I hope I explained it all. As to help you all get into the idea of where my mindset is at, and assist me with some possible advice. Anyways, if anybody happens to have any questions let me know of course. And I'll do my best to answer them to the best of my abilities, nevertheless. I absolutely suck at explaining things. So I hope you don't mind me playing charades with you to hopefully explain it. Jk. Nevertheless, thank you again, and any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Farmgirl]

Hello everyone, nice to meet you all, after taking the advice from a member on this site. I figured id post my story here, as to hopefully garner some more insight from other people. Firstly, just to add some context. I am here to talk about my experience with being in this life style, and the somewhat short bit i experienced from it. Finally. Let me explain my situation. Any advice is appreciated of course. Firstly, I've been aware of my boyfriends fantasy for sometime. I am 22 years old, and he is 23. We've been dating the past 3 years now from college, and no matter how much of a goofy goob he maybe. I love him a lot. So, this past year starting around I want to say the summer time last year. He informed me of his fantasy, that is to see me be with other guys. Now, we've talked through this me and him a lot, that is not the problem. The problem I have, is that in the past 4 months. We've decided to take this fantasy of his to the next level. Of course, I actually enjoy this fantasy a bit myself. Granted, for a little bit of different reasons I am sure apart from his. Nevertheless, we have some little teases I would do to indulge him in his fantasy a little bit. Pretending I was on the phone with another guy, whilst we played around a little bit nothing harmless, but. Again, after some discussing with my boyfriend. We decided to playfully flirt with someone online, we laid it out openly how this is just some play tease that I am doing for him, talking with this stranger. As he watched me do it, or later tell him about it. The guy was understanding, happy, and we seemed to be having a fun time. Besides the blatant flirtatious play we would do back to one another, we also began to talk about life in general, life, hobbies, jobs, passions, etc. It was rather nice to have the time to talk with another guy, who for the most part seemed to be rather respectful, and interesting to talk to. Now, over time I felt our little chats were becoming too intimate. Saying good night to one another, focusing more on actually seemingly getting to know one another. Than some simple play reminiscent of some new found lovers dirty chat. Now, of course. I have no problems with that, after all. I participated in these chats, and it was rather nice to actually talk about our passions in equal regards to one another. It was rather fun and interesting. But, after some time. I began to feel uncomfortable, as. As I said. The chats began to grow more intense imo to actual intimacy, albeit it being a stranger over the internet. I began to grow addicted to our nightly chatter I felt, and broke it off. My boyfriend during the whole thing of course, seemed rather ecstatic, as this was apparently what he really wanted to see, not some simple lust filled chats. But an apparent actual genuine connection we were seeming to form. Nevertheless, I broke it off. Yes, he was fun to talk to. And god he was veeery interesting. And, when i broke it off. He seemed genuinely saddened, as even though i stopped using the associated account we used to discuss with him, reddit btw. He shot me a message soon there after. Saying he misses me. Finally, what I want to get here is. As other people who are more generally experienced with the road this life style seems to be, at least to me. Did I over step a line? Perhaps, do I even love my boyfriend? I know that sounds so stupid, but. I feel terrible about the situation, nauseous even. As yes we did talk about me moving on from talking to him, but. I feel I have nobody else to really bring up with this. And I know I feel deep inside, that I cannot say that I am wholly innocent from this. As I felt genuinely happy, and yet sick he wanted to talk still. Even though I told him that I am breaking it off. Anyways, I'm sorry if my verbal spewlage is an incredibly messy swamp of sentences, but. I hope I explained it all. As to help you all get into the idea of where my mindset is at, and assist me with some possible advice. Anyways, if anybody happens to have any questions let me know of course. And I'll do my best to answer them to the best of my abilities, nevertheless. I absolutely suck at explaining things. So I hope you don't mind me playing charades with you to hopefully explain it. Jk. Nevertheless, thank you again, and any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

It is normal to develop some feelings for the "other" guys. At least it is for me and many I know. Only you know the depth of these feelings and if you can control them so no harm comes to your relationship with your boyfriend.
Feelings with a new guy are always strong if you connect. That's known as NRE, new relationship energy. it's not a bad thing, rather it can be exciting and enjoyed if you recognize it for what it is. It's NRE, not "in love".
It's okay to love your lovers, but your primary boyfriend/husband remains your number one.

I don't want to seem judgmental, but you two are awfully young to be navigating this LS. I do realize that I don't know either of you, so you may be much more mature than I was at that age .

[irishstag41]

Hallo hotwives.
A quick question if you will? What is the difference between a hotwife relationship, where the wife has a long term relationship and a polyamorous relationship, where the wife has two partners?
My wife has a boyfriend and they're regularly seeing one another. He is married and his wife is supportive
with them seeing each other. My wife stays over in his house while his wife is away .
Thanks

[Farmgirl]

Hallo hotwives.
A quick question if you will? What is the difference between a hotwife relationship, where the wife has a long term relationship and a polyamorous relationship, where the wife has two partners?
My wife has a boyfriend and they're regularly seeing one another. He is married and his wife is supportive
with them seeing each other. My wife stays over in his house while his wife is away .
Thanks

Others will probably answer this better than me.
My take: I have a husband, I have a boyfriend, and I have a FWB. There is a distinct hierarchy in the relationship, my husband comes first, my boyfriend second, and any other FB or FWB come after them. I love my husband and my boyfriend, and I have a love for my FWB. But, there is still that hierarchy of who is first in my life. I don't have to think about it, neither do they; it just is.
Was I in a poly relationship, to me, it would be as if I had two husbands, two men to love equally and equally share my life with.
This is just my opinion, those in poly relationships may see it differently.

[Jasmaras+74]

Hello everyone, nice to meet you all, after taking the advice from a member on this site. I figured id post my story here, as to hopefully garner some more insight from other people. Firstly, just to add some context. I am here to talk about my experience with being in this life style, and the somewhat short bit i experienced from it. Finally. Let me explain my situation. Any advice is appreciated of course. Firstly, I've been aware of my boyfriends fantasy for sometime. I am 22 years old, and he is 23. We've been dating the past 3 years now from college, and no matter how much of a goofy goob he maybe. I love him a lot. So, this past year starting around I want to say the summer time last year. He informed me of his fantasy, that is to see me be with other guys. Now, we've talked through this me and him a lot, that is not the problem. The problem I have, is that in the past 4 months. We've decided to take this fantasy of his to the next level. Of course, I actually enjoy this fantasy a bit myself. Granted, for a little bit of different reasons I am sure apart from his. Nevertheless, we have some little teases I would do to indulge him in his fantasy a little bit. Pretending I was on the phone with another guy, whilst we played around a little bit nothing harmless, but. Again, after some discussing with my boyfriend. We decided to playfully flirt with someone online, we laid it out openly how this is just some play tease that I am doing for him, talking with this stranger. As he watched me do it, or later tell him about it. The guy was understanding, happy, and we seemed to be having a fun time. Besides the blatant flirtatious play we would do back to one another, we also began to talk about life in general, life, hobbies, jobs, passions, etc. It was rather nice to have the time to talk with another guy, who for the most part seemed to be rather respectful, and interesting to talk to. Now, over time I felt our little chats were becoming too intimate. Saying good night to one another, focusing more on actually seemingly getting to know one another. Than some simple play reminiscent of some new found lovers dirty chat. Now, of course. I have no problems with that, after all. I participated in these chats, and it was rather nice to actually talk about our passions in equal regards to one another. It was rather fun and interesting. But, after some time. I began to feel uncomfortable, as. As I said. The chats began to grow more intense imo to actual intimacy, albeit it being a stranger over the internet. I began to grow addicted to our nightly chatter I felt, and broke it off. My boyfriend during the whole thing of course, seemed rather ecstatic, as this was apparently what he really wanted to see, not some simple lust filled chats. But an apparent actual genuine connection we were seeming to form. Nevertheless, I broke it off. Yes, he was fun to talk to. And god he was veeery interesting. And, when i broke it off. He seemed genuinely saddened, as even though i stopped using the associated account we used to discuss with him, reddit btw. He shot me a message soon there after. Saying he misses me. Finally, what I want to get here is. As other people who are more generally experienced with the road this life style seems to be, at least to me. Did I over step a line? Perhaps, do I even love my boyfriend? I know that sounds so stupid, but. I feel terrible about the situation, nauseous even. As yes we did talk about me moving on from talking to him, but. I feel I have nobody else to really bring up with this. And I know I feel deep inside, that I cannot say that I am wholly innocent from this. As I felt genuinely happy, and yet sick he wanted to talk still. Even though I told him that I am breaking it off. Anyways, I'm sorry if my verbal spewlage is an incredibly messy swamp of sentences, but. I hope I explained it all. As to help you all get into the idea of where my mindset is at, and assist me with some possible advice. Anyways, if anybody happens to have any questions let me know of course. And I'll do my best to answer them to the best of my abilities, nevertheless. I absolutely suck at explaining things. So I hope you don't mind me playing charades with you to hopefully explain it. Jk. Nevertheless, thank you again, and any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

It is normal to develop some feelings for the "other" guys. At least it is for me and many I know. Only you know the depth of these feelings and if you can control them so no harm comes to your relationship with your boyfriend.
Feelings with a new guy are always strong if you connect. That's known as NRE, new relationship energy. it's not a bad thing, rather it can be exciting and enjoyed if you recognize it for what it is. It's NRE, not "in love".
It's okay to love your lovers, but your primary boyfriend/husband remains your number one.

I don't want to seem judgmental, but you two are awfully young to be navigating this LS. I do realize that I don't know either of you, so you may be much more mature than I was at that age .

Thank you very much for your advice, I got to read it just in time before my boyfriend got home, before we began our chat about the whole thing, and it was a pleasant chat. We talked about both of our fears and desires about the whole thing, as well as other things of course, but nevertheless. I really appreciate your advice, as it helped me kind of cut down on the clutter that was in my mind about the whole situation, and thankfully was able to tell my boyfriend, that even though I felt excited when I was talking to the other guy. Besides feeling guilty, I never felt like I felt out of love with my boyfriend, as did he say as well. So, nevertheless besides going over how much of a great help your advice was piece by piece from our conversation we had, which would take forever to type. Haha, thank you again. I really do appreciate it.

[Sexilexi]

Hallo hotwives.
A quick question if you will? What is the difference between a hotwife relationship, where the wife has a long term relationship and a polyamorous relationship, where the wife has two partners?
My wife has a boyfriend and they're regularly seeing one another. He is married and his wife is supportive
with them seeing each other. My wife stays over in his house while his wife is away .
Thanks

Hello irishstag!!

I don’t know much about all the technical terms but I would venture to comment the main difference between the two is maybe the commitment aspect…

Polyamorous is set up with the idea that all parties involved are committed to being life long partners.

Where as partners in the Hotwife dynamic - is more friends based, that don’t come with the commitment.

??

That is my two cents haha

-Lexi

[jane]

i'd agree. a boyfriend you see regularly,like once a week, but poly is more of an every day thing to the point many live together as a triad.

[irishstag41]

Should I just go with the flow ? . I feel if I set boundaries it will become to rigid and I will smother things ..
Thank you

[Farmgirl]

Should I just go with the flow ? . I feel if I set boundaries it will become to rigid and I will smother things ..
Thank you

Do you feel she needs boundaries? Would boundaries on her make you feel better? What concerns do you have?

[irishstag41]

Hi farmgirl,
Our relationship, is based on her freedom to choose, so on reflection, the word boundaries doesn't sit well with me . I don't think that would work. I guess I'm being a little anxious regarding it morphing into a poly thing, as this guy lives close by , and they have hit it off, but that can be a very positive thing too.
Sorry if I'm confusing you!

[Farmgirl]

Hi farmgirl,
Our relationship, is based on her freedom to choose, so on reflection, the word boundaries doesn't sit well with me . I don't think that would work. I guess I'm being a little anxious regarding it morphing into a poly thing, as this guy lives close by , and they have hit it off, but that can be a very positive thing too.
Sorry if I'm confusing you!

By definition, poly is a relationship involving three or more. It takes all three to be on board for it to be poly. Are you talking about that scenario or more of a boyfriend relationship?
Either way, see where she wants it to head. Then you can discuss any concerns.

[irishstag41]

Hi
Yes it seems to be developing into a boyfriend relationship with feelings . Thanks for the information I feel more comfortable going forward

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Sorry if this question has been asked before but I'm very interested in the psychology behind wives enjoying their husband cleaning up their creampies from other men. Lots of men have mentioned on this site that their wives seems to have quite fast and powerful orgasms when they are being cleaned up by their husbands, in fact so many mention it that it seems to be fairly universal.

So I was wondering, what is so different about it that leads to women having such powerful and frequent orgasms? I can only assume that physically it doesn't feel much different, so there must be a psychological twist to it that sends women over the edge so easily?

[Farmgirl]

Sorry if this question has been asked before but I'm very interested in the psychology behind wives enjoying their husband cleaning up their creampies from other men. Lots of men have mentioned on this site that their wives seems to have quite fast and powerful orgasms when they are being cleaned up by their husbands, in fact so many mention it that it seems to be fairly universal.

So I was wondering, what is so different about it that leads to women having such powerful and frequent orgasms? I can only assume that physically it doesn't feel much different, so there must be a psychological twist to it that sends women over the edge so easily?

I can only speak for myself as all Hotwives are different.
You are right that physically it differs not much from being licked to orgasm without a creampie. That part of the orgasm is pretty much the same, though with the creampie it is a more velvety feeling.
What makes the cleaning special above the physical is that there is the feeling of love and appreciation from my husband for who I am, and then there is the naughtiness factor. It is pure proof that I have been very naughty, after all, I'm a wife. And, I'm enjoying not only me being naughty, but so naughty that my husband is licking me clean! If you want to lump it all together, I Love being Naughty .

[runaway]

Hi VHWs, two questions:

Is your sex drive greater than your husbands ?

In your opinion, how common is it for wives to have greater sex drives than their husbands?

[Farmgirl]

Hi VHWs, two questions:

Is your sex drive greater than your husbands ?

In your opinion, how common is it for wives to have greater sex drives than their husbands?

My sex drive isn't greater than my husband's, we are compatible.
In my experience, it is neither common for wives to have a greater sex drive nor for their husbands to have a greater drive. People are individuals, they can't be lumped into a normal by gender as far as sex drive goes.
If you want to look at a "common", it is far too common for one spouse to turn off the sex drive of the other by the inattention to the other's needs.

[Sexilexi]

Hi VHWs, two questions:

Is your sex drive greater than your husbands ?

In your opinion, how common is it for wives to have greater sex drives than their husbands?

I would say our sex drives are equal. But it always wasn’t that way personally for me. There was about a decade where I had almost a zero sex drive. (Various reasons - I would rather not discuss).

IMO - I don’t know how common it is or not. Speaking from my current experiences only - I would say that my sex drive is not more than my hub’s sex drive. We are equal.

We love sex! Hahahaha

[alicexg]

Me and hubby have a equal sex drive, but sometimes it varies it depends of several things and life sometimes gets in the way. However I have met other couples in the swinging lifestyle that sometimes the wife is way up sometimes the hubby is way up. To me my confidence level, hubby encouragement/support and trust, not having other problems (work/kids/life) and having enough time in my hands boost my sex drive tremendously. Also age difference is sometimes a factor, we have met a swinging couple years ago he was in his 60's and her late 20's, and she could not stop the entire night, huge sex drive.
xoxo
Alice

Hi VHWs, two questions:

Is your sex drive greater than your husbands ?

In your opinion, how common is it for wives to have greater sex drives than their husbands?

[alicexg]

Question:

I have never done a DP but I am very curious about it, {I do love anal sex specially with well hung me} if you have done DP before is it pleasurable/painful or its just another male fantasy?