A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

The psychologists never tell you what to do. That's standard behavior from what I have heard over the years.

I also heard that they never say you are cured. If they do, then you won't keep coming back. Just sayin'.

But I do hope you come to some kind of resolution soon.

Yes unfortunately you are right. I can understand why they don't tell you what to do. I can imagine if they tell someone they should leave and they later regret it then it would open him up to a lawsuit. Plus he only has what I tell him to go off, it's hard when he doesn't have the full picture.

Unfortunately there's also some good (or at least better) times which muddies the water and creates so much confusion. I know it's textbook cycle of abuse, but knowing it and what I feel are two different things.

The way she is today is like a completely different person, and how she's so tiny (only about 43kg, 95 pounds) makes her seem so harmless and needing protection, but then when I see her like on the weekend, holy heck dangerous crazy town!

[newaussiecuck]

After seeing J on Monday, I'm now regretting not speaking to her more. It now has me thinking of L again. I don't think I have her out of my system yet. I'm now wishing I asked whether she actually knows L.

I forgot to mention that J was on a video call when I arrived so partly why I didn't go over. My dog was sitting on the chair next to her and she got put onto the video call. I'm now starting to wonder who was on the other side of the call. Could it have possibly been L?

[joel68]

Interesting development. Hope it continues to progress no matter what direction or who it involves.

[newaussiecuck]

Interesting development. Hope it continues to progress no matter what direction or who it involves.

Thanks Joel, it's not really much of a development I guess.

It is interesting that J showed up only a few days after the parents of that girl (who moved overseas) came. Maybe they do know L also. I was pretty nice to them, and they were there on the day that I kicked those kids out of the park. Their dog (the girl's dog) was one of the two that were scared by the kid's German Shepherd puppy. I think they appreciated that I looked after them and their dog like that. So who knows, if they do somehow know L or her mother and it got reported back somehow. . . . . and then J shows up a few days later.

All speculation and probably all wrong, but I guess it means something that I'm still thinking about L.

[joel68]

Too bad about the phone thing. Water under the bridge at this point.

Maybe there will be another opportunity if she returns to the park. I hope she eventually does when you are there.

Or possibly someone could know her number too. Who knows?

[newaussiecuck]

Too bad about the phone thing. Water under the bridge at this point.

Maybe there will be another opportunity if she returns to the park. I hope she eventually does when you are there.

Or possibly someone could know her number too. Who knows?

It's a shame for sure, but totally understandable when I look from her point of view. What I shared with her (too much too soon) probably sounded completely crazy and unbelievable. Unfortunately, the reality was worse than what I had shared.

I think she was wise to stay away at least for a bit, but it would have been a lot better if she could have communicated that.

Having said that, this is all speculation and maybe I'll never see her again.

At the same time, I'm feeling nicer things towards "wife" today so I have one hell of a mess to sort out.

[slayveone]

I hope you guys figure out a good middle ground. I just hope you're not connecting dots that don't exist to make the picture you want. Ultimately it comes down to how much you are willing to take from her in this situation. Personally, I wouldn't want to go that far down the rabbit hole as you two have with you dom/sub without the trust that you could use a safe word and be able to express yourself if something doesn't feel good to you anymore.

It seems like to me you would prefer being able to enjoy the submissive side of your relationship if you could also have times where you guys could turn it off and just enjoy each other as you are.

Good luck, with 756 posts I'm sure I'm not saying anything someone else hasn't but I wish you the best.

[newaussiecuck]

I hope you guys figure out a good middle ground. I just hope you're not connecting dots that don't exist to make the picture you want. Ultimately it comes down to how much you are willing to take from her in this situation. Personally, I wouldn't want to go that far down the rabbit hole as you two have with you dom/sub without the trust that you could use a safe word and be able to express yourself if something doesn't feel good to you anymore.

It seems like to me you would prefer being able to enjoy the submissive side of your relationship if you could also have times where you guys could turn it off and just enjoy each other as you are.

Good luck, with 756 posts I'm sure I'm not saying anything someone else hasn't but I wish you the best.

Hi slayveone, thanks for your comments and input.

I'm thinking though that you might be commenting from earlier in the thread and haven't read what's been happening more recently?

With a Domme/sub relationship it should be Safe, Sane and Consensual. Unfortunately if you read later events, what's happening is neither of these. I'm feeling very unsafe emotionally and psychologically and at times even physically. I'm having serious doubts as to how Sane her behaviours are and I don't consent to being treated this way.

Not an attack on you or your post at all, I just wanted to clarify in context of more information becoming available through more recent events.

[slayveone]

I apologize. I didn't read the whole post as I had stuff come up, but wanted to share my thoughts from what I had gotten to.

I'll try to read some of the more current posts later on. I'm sorry things are not going well in your situation and hope things improve sooner than later for you.

[newaussiecuck]

I apologize. I didn't read the whole post as I had stuff come up, but wanted to share my thoughts from what I had gotten to.

I'll try to read some of the more current posts later on. I'm sorry things are not going well in your situation and hope things improve sooner than later for you.

No worries, all good and thanks for your well wishes!

[newaussiecuck]

The good feelings I was having yesterday were unfortunately short lived. Had a reasonably good day yesterday and evening last night. This morning in bed there was even some more nice cuddles (nothing sexual just cuddling). She offered to cook a nice breakfast and although I was running late due to extra time in bed giving cuddles I could see she wanted to cook the breakfast so I agreed and helped with coffee.

We ate a nice breakfast together and I complimented how nice everything tasted and how she cooked the bacon so well. We talked a bit about what we'll have for dinner and everything seemed as great as things have been of late.

After finishing her breakfast she got up first to put away her dishes while I was finishing my last few bites, all good. I put away my dishes and went to get dressed noticing she'd sat back down at the table again while I was putting away my dishes. I didn't think much of it only was mildly surprised she didn't jump back into bed since it was still early and cold.

I got dressed and she was still sitting at the table. I thought she was spending some time on her phone, but she didn't have her phone with her. She was just sitting. Upon seeing her like that I immediately got a bad feeling. She got up and put away a few dishes angrily and walked off into the bathroom and closed the door.

I pulled my car outside and went back in to check on her. She was visibly upset. I hugged her and asked if she was ok. Not really responding I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said she was fine (didn't want to talk). I hugged her again, told her I loved her, hugged her again for quite a while and made to leave for work as I was already running late.

I hung around a bit, and she slowly followed me out. I hugged her and said my goodbyes and wished her a good day.

I'm in shock how everything went from great to so bad in such a short period of time with zero cause. I've been racking my brain but can't think of a single thing I did or didn't do to cause this sudden unexpected change in mood. I can only think that the cooking of the breakfast was done in order to get somthing in return that she didn't get (I don't know what) and that made her upset. Either that or she deliberately wanted to spoil my mood and make me feel like crap before going off to work.

All very strange.

[newaussiecuck]

From "The Narcissist's Playbook" in the section detailing different forms of abuse.

"
Hot and cold:
This is where everything may be fine one moment, and then suddenly things take a sharp turn. This is usually caused by the target disagreeing with the manipulator or behaving in a way that the manipulator disapproves of. If things take a sharp turn out of the blue, it may be because the manipulator is sadistic and therefore enjoys making the target uncomfortable simply because it's fun to watch them squirm.
"

[whosbeensleeping]

Exactly. So sorry you are experiencing this.

[Long Lurker 34]

The good feelings I was having yesterday were unfortunately short lived. Had a reasonably good day yesterday and evening last night. This morning in bed there was even some more nice cuddles (nothing sexual just cuddling). She offered to cook a nice breakfast and although I was running late due to extra time in bed giving cuddles I could see she wanted to cook the breakfast so I agreed and helped with coffee.

We ate a nice breakfast together and I complimented how nice everything tasted and how she cooked the bacon so well. We talked a bit about what we'll have for dinner and everything seemed as great as things have been of late.

After finishing her breakfast she got up first to put away her dishes while I was finishing my last few bites, all good. I put away my dishes and went to get dressed noticing she'd sat back down at the table again while I was putting away my dishes. I didn't think much of it only was mildly surprised she didn't jump back into bed since it was still early and cold.

I got dressed and she was still sitting at the table. I thought she was spending some time on her phone, but she didn't have her phone with her. She was just sitting. Upon seeing her like that I immediately got a bad feeling. She got up and put away a few dishes angrily and walked off into the bathroom and closed the door.

I pulled my car outside and went back in to check on her. She was visibly upset. I hugged her and asked if she was ok. Not really responding I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said she was fine (didn't want to talk). I hugged her again, told her I loved her, hugged her again for quite a while and made to leave for work as I was already running late.

I hung around a bit, and she slowly followed me out. I hugged her and said my goodbyes and wished her a good day.

I'm in shock how everything went from great to so bad in such a short period of time with zero cause. I've been racking my brain but can't think of a single thing I did or didn't do to cause this sudden unexpected change in mood. I can only think that the cooking of the breakfast was done in order to get somthing in return that she didn't get (I don't know what) and that made her upset. Either that or she deliberately wanted to spoil my mood and make me feel like crap before going off to work.

All very strange.

NAC - She clearly needs professional help and like many who have been on MH meds will feel ok and then stop taking them. She hasn't even gotten to see help yet and if I understand with many mentally ill people their situation deteriorates over time.

[newaussiecuck]

She was perfectly fine when I got home from work, actually she seems more than fine. The talking over the top of me is back, she's on top again. Mission accomplished though, my work day was ruined. I think it's more calculated behaviour than a treatable mental health condition.

Creating chaos (like she's doing) is another textbook tactic to take attention away from past misdeads. With all of this chaos and ploys for sympathy and suicide threats etc etc (it's one thing after another after another after another, such that I don't get to process and recover from the previous event before the next one hits) all of a sudden her online affair is long in the past and never considered. I'm sure the focus will soon come onto me and how my actions will be deemed unreasonable. Although I'm doing nothing different than I have been over the last 2 to 3 years, now that she's stopped her online relationship (after getting dumped, not by her own choosing) and turned everything upside down again I can see that she deems the way I've been living my life is unacceptable behaviour that she's hell bent on controlling.

However, I'll call her bluff and insist on a mental health assessment and see how she reacts. I bet she'll assure me that she's perfectly fine.

[Long Lurker 34]

She was perfectly fine when I got home from work, actually she seems more than fine. The talking over the top of me is back, she's on top again. Mission accomplished though, my work day was ruined. I think it's more calculated behaviour than a treatable mental health condition.

Creating chaos (like she's doing) is another textbook tactic to take attention away from past misdeads. With all of this chaos and ploys for sympathy and suicide threats etc etc (it's one thing after another after another after another, such that I don't get to process and recover from the previous event before the next one hits) all of a sudden her online affair is long in the past and never considered. I'm sure the focus will soon come onto me and how my actions will be deemed unreasonable. Although I'm doing nothing different than I have been over the last 2 to 3 years, now that she's stopped her online relationship (after getting dumped, not by her own choosing) and turned everything upside down again I can see that she deems the way I've been living my life is unacceptable behaviour that she's hell bent on controlling.

However, I'll call her bluff and insist on a mental health assessment and see how she reacts. I bet she'll assure me that she's perfectly fine.

NAC - To flip this around for a moment. Does she know you have been psychologist? If she is aware of this what has her take or reaction to your meetings been? Has she said anything about your mental health state?

[newaussiecuck]

She was perfectly fine when I got home from work, actually she seems more than fine. The talking over the top of me is back, she's on top again. Mission accomplished though, my work day was ruined. I think it's more calculated behaviour than a treatable mental health condition.

Creating chaos (like she's doing) is another textbook tactic to take attention away from past misdeads. With all of this chaos and ploys for sympathy and suicide threats etc etc (it's one thing after another after another after another, such that I don't get to process and recover from the previous event before the next one hits) all of a sudden her online affair is long in the past and never considered. I'm sure the focus will soon come onto me and how my actions will be deemed unreasonable. Although I'm doing nothing different than I have been over the last 2 to 3 years, now that she's stopped her online relationship (after getting dumped, not by her own choosing) and turned everything upside down again I can see that she deems the way I've been living my life is unacceptable behaviour that she's hell bent on controlling.

However, I'll call her bluff and insist on a mental health assessment and see how she reacts. I bet she'll assure me that she's perfectly fine.

NAC - To flip this around for a moment. Does she know you have been psychologist? If she is aware of this what has her take or reaction to your meetings been? Has she said anything about your mental health state?

No, she doesn't know I've been seeing a psychologist. She wouldn't be happy with that.

She hasn't said anything about my mental health state. Any time I'm feeling overwhelmed and take some time out for myself or withdraw into myself seems to get interpreted as an attack on her (ie not providing enough affection/attention etc) and she retaliates making the problem worse.

An example of that was when I took some time out for a workout and then she accused me of waking her up when I came to bed at 9:45pm apparently causing her to flinch and hurt her shoulder. The ensuing bad feelings that caused in me stopped me from sleeping that night.

That's also what happened that night she threatened suicide (when she snapped and left the house). I was completely overwhelmed by the sudden and constant shift to her seeking/demanding affection and long term plans for our future. I was completely overwhelmed and couldn't take any more right then and I shut down. To take solace I put on my headphones to listen to uplifting music and that's when she completely snapped and seemed to have a psychotic episode.

There doesn't seem to be any genuine concern of my well-being from her actions. However, there is concern for my well-being in other ways. For example yesterday suggested that I start taking magnesium supplements as it might "help with your sleeping problems". She's aware that I have had sleeping problems but zero awareness or acknowledgement that she's caused them. It's very strange.

[newaussiecuck]

So Saturday morning we almost has sex. Again it was the morning after my last update, and that morning I was again overcome with good feelings towards her. I don't know how I came to feel that way right after feeling so aweful the day before at work. We had a long cuddle in bed, and a fair bit of affection was shown both ways I guess. However when I got up and was making breakfast she came out and seemed to be very angry again. Another complete reversal like the day before. Saturday was terrible as that bad mood continued all day until dinner time.

Sunday felt like old times again, everything "seemed" great after another very long cuddling session in bed. The day went smoothly. However I didn't really realise until thinking about it while away in the office today. I had completely capitulated. Anything she asked for or suggested I did unquestioningly. She suggested what to have for lunch, dinner, what to do during the day, asked me to do things for her during the day (make cup of tea, make coffee, get snacks) pretty much everything.

Thinking about this today has me pretty confused. I guess the one day where everything goes smoothly is the one day I stopped resisting and just unthinkingly went along with everything, allowing all decisions to be made for me. It wasn’t a conscious decision to act that way, it was just automatic without thinking.

I did a small workout last night for the first tine in more than a week. I wasn't feeling up to working out with all the sleeping problems I'd had. Maybe that has me thinking clearer today. I'll get another one done tonight.

[Long Lurker 34]

So Saturday morning we almost has sex. Again it was the morning after my last update, and that morning I was again overcome with good feelings towards her. I don't know how I came to feel that way right after feeling so aweful the day before at work. We had a long cuddle in bed, and a fair bit of affection was shown both ways I guess. However when I got up and was making breakfast she came out and seemed to be very angry again. Another complete reversal like the day before. Saturday was terrible as that bad mood continued all day until dinner time.

Sunday felt like old times again, everything "seemed" great after another very long cuddling session in bed. The day went smoothly. However I didn't really realise until thinking about it while away in the office today. I had completely capitulated. Anything she asked for or suggested I did unquestioningly. She suggested what to have for lunch, dinner, what to do during the day, asked me to do things for her during the day (make cup of tea, make coffee, get snacks) pretty much everything.

Thinking about this today has me pretty confused. I guess the one day where everything goes smoothly is the one day I stopped resisting and just unthinkingly went along with everything, allowing all decisions to be made for me. It wasn’t a conscious decision to act that way, it was just automatic without thinking.

I did a small workout last night for the first tine in more than a week. I wasn't feeling up to working out with all the sleeping problems I'd had. Maybe that has me thinking clearer today. I'll get another one done tonight.

NAC - I have sleep problems too, in that I find if I don't 'stress' my body enough I either can't get to sleep or wake up really early. By 'stress' I mean doing sustained physical things. Such as biking, landscaping or, if I had a gym membership, doing a workout. This was my working reality for nearly 50 years and my body is used to a certain level of 'stress' being applied and if it isn't, it just doesn't feel the need to sleep. Or at least that's how I have interpreted it.
So whether you feel into it or not go have a tough workout and get the blood moving. I suspect you will feel better having done so after a good night's sleep.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - I have sleep problems too, in that I find if I don't 'stress' my body enough I either can't get to sleep or wake up really early. By 'stress' I mean doing sustained physical things. Such as biking, landscaping or, if I had a gym membership, doing a workout. This was my working reality for nearly 50 years and my body is used to a certain level of 'stress' being applied and if it isn't, it just doesn't feel the need to sleep. Or at least that's how I have interpreted it.
So whether you feel into it or not go have a tough workout and get the blood moving. I suspect you will feel better having done so after a good night's sleep.

Yes I'm finding continuing exercise is incredibly important for me. I did one last night but didn't sleep much. Not sure why, there wasn't anything really going on for once.

We seem to be coming into an interesting period where things have settled down a lot and seem to be bearable (not that 3 days is much to go on). I don't know if this will be sustained or if it's a calm before next storm. I'm trying to remain on guard a bit and not get lulled into a false sense of security.

It could be that I'm behaving more the way that she likes and has reduced the pressure at least for now having got what she wanted.

[whosbeensleeping]

Hi, wow it's been a week since we heard from you. I hope everything's okay. I'm traveling and have limited time and connectivity so wasn't able to comment on your recent posts.

[newaussiecuck]

Hi, wow it's been a week since we heard from you. I hope everything's okay. I'm traveling and have limited time and connectivity so wasn't able to comment on your recent posts.

Thanks for checking in and hope you're enjoying your travels!

Things had gotten so bad there were only 2 alternatives. 1. Pull the pin or 2. de-escalate and see if things could work between us. Option 1 there's no going back from. Option 2 still leaves the door open to option 1 if it doesn't work out.

Things have settled a lot this last week with only 1 bad day. Was probably my fault to be honest, but an eye roll on my part in answer to a comment triggered another night of silent treatment. That was nearly a week ago though.

So yes, things seem to have settled a lot and feel a lot more like they used to. However that also means I'm going along a lot more with things and doing what she says a lot more than I had been doing in recent times. Don't know if that's good (probably not) or bad (probably is) but it seems clear it's the only way things can work.

Now to see if we can work on better communication and see if we can actually have a proper relationship. There is a hell of a lot of work to be done. However we've actually had quite a pleasant week for the most part.

I'm still a bit suspicious of her phone activities though.

[whosbeensleeping]

Thanks, having an amazing trip. I hope you can continue work through things. I agree it's likely that the conversations are continuing.

[Long Lurker 34]

Hi, wow it's been a week since we heard from you. I hope everything's okay. I'm traveling and have limited time and connectivity so wasn't able to comment on your recent posts.

Thanks for checking in and hope you're enjoying your travels!

Things had gotten so bad there were only 2 alternatives. 1. Pull the pin or 2. de-escalate and see if things could work between us. Option 1 there's no going back from. Option 2 still leaves the door open to option 1 if it doesn't work out.

Things have settled a lot this last week with only 1 bad day. Was probably my fault to be honest, but an eye roll on my part in answer to a comment triggered another night of silent treatment. That was nearly a week ago though.

So yes, things seem to have settled a lot and feel a lot more like they used to. However that also means I'm going along a lot more with things and doing what she says a lot more than I had been doing in recent times. Don't know if that's good (probably not) or bad (probably is) but it seems clear it's the only way things can work.

Now to see if we can work on better communication and see if we can actually have a proper relationship. There is a hell of a lot of work to be done. However we've actually had quite a pleasant week for the most part.

I'm still a bit suspicious of her phone activities though.

NAC - Her being unreasonable.
- You bending to her will.
- A pleasant week of being submissive to her.
- Is this good for you? Only you can decide this, but I think we really all know the answer.

[newaussiecuck]

Hi, wow it's been a week since we heard from you. I hope everything's okay. I'm traveling and have limited time and connectivity so wasn't able to comment on your recent posts.

Thanks for checking in and hope you're enjoying your travels!

Things had gotten so bad there were only 2 alternatives. 1. Pull the pin or 2. de-escalate and see if things could work between us. Option 1 there's no going back from. Option 2 still leaves the door open to option 1 if it doesn't work out.

Things have settled a lot this last week with only 1 bad day. Was probably my fault to be honest, but an eye roll on my part in answer to a comment triggered another night of silent treatment. That was nearly a week ago though.

So yes, things seem to have settled a lot and feel a lot more like they used to. However that also means I'm going along a lot more with things and doing what she says a lot more than I had been doing in recent times. Don't know if that's good (probably not) or bad (probably is) but it seems clear it's the only way things can work.

Now to see if we can work on better communication and see if we can actually have a proper relationship. There is a hell of a lot of work to be done. However we've actually had quite a pleasant week for the most part.

I'm still a bit suspicious of her phone activities though.

NAC - Her being unreasonable.
- You bending to her will.
- A pleasant week of being submissive to her.
- Is this good for you? Only you can decide this, but I think we really all know the answer.

I wouldn't say that I've been acting submissive but I would say that I've been more willing to do things she's asked.

They way I was acting was as if the relationship was over and I had put up 10 foot high walls and blocking any and all requests etc. No relationship is possible like that for any length of time, and things needed to come to a head. Either walk or lower the walls and try and have a relationship.

I've slowly lowered the walls and I feel on her part she's also doing better. It's not feeling like she's snapping her fingers and I'm jumping to it. But if it's a reasonable request asked in the right way then I'm doing it. On her part she's also doing more things for me.

But you're right, we have a long way to go. I'm being cautiously optimistic rather than rose coloured glasses blindly jumping back into things.

I am concerned that we seem to have gotten here through a lot of manipulation etc. But I think I can draw a line in the sand now and see if we can have a relationship free from abuse because I can assure that I won't tolerate any further abuse from this point forward.