Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Parsifal]

Dear VHWs,

Do you ever make time to cosy up in bed with your husband, dessert music and dessert wine, like a 20 year Tawny Port, mixing up syrupy kisses and warm whispers about what a little slut you are?

Parsifal

[Sexilexi]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

Hello Big Red!

I’m required to update at least every hour (unless I’m sleeping). Even if it’s just a quick update saying “all is good” and of course as often as I can, sending photo updates too.

Imo a husband isn’t being irritating or needy when his Hotwife is playing solo… she’s your Hotwife and you both do this together!

I love updating him while I’m out. It’s sexy. 🥰

I would recommend having a long talk about what’s expected and all that so you both can be on the same page. Every couple is different.

Good luck
-Lexi

[Sexilexi]

Dear VHWs,

Do you ever make time to cosy up in bed with your husband, dessert music and dessert wine, like a 20 year Tawny Port, mixing up syrupy kisses and warm whispers about what a little slut you are?

Parsifal

Hey there Parsifal!

I didn’t want to leave your question hanging… I will chime in even though d_lited and I don’t really do this. Hehe

Every once in a while we will cozy up in bed but it’s not often. However, we do talk a lot about playdates which always reminds us of our life we share and how wild it is!

Enjoy those moments with your wifey.

-Lexi

[Farmgirl]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

I don't update as I play. I'm not a sportscaster, I'm a Hotwife enjoying sex. For me, it would be offputting to have to stop and do updates, so I wait until we're back together to tell on myself.

I read Lexi's reply and we look at it differently. That is as it should be, we both love our husbands, yet do things differently. You and your wife need to find your way, and what works for you. It may be similar to either of us, or it may be yet another path.

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs,

Do you ever make time to cosy up in bed with your husband, dessert music and dessert wine, like a 20 year Tawny Port, mixing up syrupy kisses and warm whispers about what a little slut you are?

Parsifal

Minus the music and wine, we do cuddle and I tell what a slut I am .

[Parsifal]

Dear VHWs,

Do you ever make time to cosy up in bed with your husband, dessert music and dessert wine, like a 20 year Tawny Port, mixing up syrupy kisses and warm whispers about what a little slut you are?

Parsifal

Minus the music and wine, we do cuddle and I tell what a slut I am .

Hearing your honest confessions would be enough of an intoxicant, verily

[2inUPMichigan]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

A week before her play date and the two of you have not yet discussed how you will maintain contact while she is away? Uh oh, that is an oversight that needs to be taken care of now.
The two of you need to sit down together and come up with an idea of what is comfortable and works for both of you as far as how often she will update you and what form these updates will take. Not deciding this important piece of the puzzle ahead of time could leave you with unnecessary stress and anxiety and her feeling unsure.

She will then be able to explain right away if she intends to communicate by text or phone during the play date so that the man she is with has a heads up and understands that is part of your agreement. He needs to be aware of what agreements the two of you have in place so he doesn't step all over them and interfere accidentally.

My situation: I do not communicate with my husband during play dates unless there is a change in location or another concern I need to discuss with him. He does not communicate with me unless there is a family emergency. This is what we both agreed to prior to starting.

Overnights are something that I have chosen not to do. Even if the weather is getting sketchy, I will find my way home. Sleeping in the same bed with another man is too intimate for me.

Good luck - hope this is everything both of you hope it is!

[Big Red]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

A week before her play date and the two of you have not yet discussed how you will maintain contact while she is away? Uh oh, that is an oversight that needs to be taken care of now.
The two of you need to sit down together and come up with an idea of what is comfortable and works for both of you as far as how often she will update you and what form these updates will take. Not deciding this important piece of the puzzle ahead of time could leave you with unnecessary stress and anxiety and her feeling unsure.

She will then be able to explain right away if she intends to communicate by text or phone during the play date so that the man she is with has a heads up and understands that is part of your agreement. He needs to be aware of what agreements the two of you have in place so he doesn't step all over them and interfere accidentally.

My situation: I do not communicate with my husband during play dates unless there is a change in location or another concern I need to discuss with him. He does not communicate with me unless there is a family emergency. This is what we both agreed to prior to starting.

Overnights are something that I have chosen not to do. Even if the weather is getting sketchy, I will find my way home. Sleeping in the same bed with another man is too intimate for me.

Good luck - hope this is everything both of you hope it is!

Thanks 2up. We’ve begun talking about it. Since the playdate is out of town and a number of days, she’s going to stay in contact with me. I told her I’d like to get updates and she wants to provide those, and pictures of herself, as long as she’s not distracting herself from her time with him. I agreed not to reach out and interrupt the date unless it’s an emergency. So…. I think I’m feeling good here!

[Big Red]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

I don't update as I play. I'm not a sportscaster, I'm a Hotwife enjoying sex. For me, it would be offputting to have to stop and do updates, so I wait until we're back together to tell on myself.

I read Lexi's reply and we look at it differently. That is as it should be, we both love our husbands, yet do things differently. You and your wife need to find your way, and what works for you. It may be similar to either of us, or it may be yet another path.

Thanks Farmgirl, it’s great to hear about different perspectives and agreements between partners. I’m excited about next week! We’ve decided she is going to stay in contact with me within some boundaries.

[Big Red]

When a HW is playing solo out of town, how often does she update her husband? What does the update include? Do expectations for updates change if it’s a few nights away with a FWB?

My wife’s first play date is coming up next week, and I’m really anxious about what expectations I can have insofar as frequency and context regarding her updates to me. I don’t want to be irritating and needy, but I’m afraid I’m going to be a mess when she leaves to go to him.

Thanks in advance.

Hello Big Red!

I’m required to update at least every hour (unless I’m sleeping). Even if it’s just a quick update saying “all is good” and of course as often as I can, sending photo updates too.

Imo a husband isn’t being irritating or needy when his Hotwife is playing solo… she’s your Hotwife and you both do this together!

I love updating him while I’m out. It’s sexy. 🥰

I would recommend having a long talk about what’s expected and all that so you both can be on the same page. Every couple is different.

Good luck
-Lexi

Hi Lexi! Thanks for your perspective. It’s really helpful. AM and I are going to stay in contact when she’s with him, and I’m excited to get the updates… She’s been texting back and forth and they spoke for quite awhile yesterday. Even just the little updates she’s been giving me already about the build up has been hot to follow, and it comes with reassurance that I’m her #1. Really looking forward to next week!

[Farmgirl]

Thanks Farmgirl, it’s great to hear about different perspectives and agreements between partners. I’m excited about next week! We’ve decided she is going to stay in contact with me within some boundaries.

Best wishes for the both of you !

[scottamadore2]

We are young couple 34/27 we are not experienced yet but are willing to try
When I recently asked my wife to start looking for potential bull she says that she is really worried about falling in love with a bull as she says she can only enjoy sex when she is emotionally attached to a person
How should I convince her ?

[Farmgirl]

We are young couple 34/27 we are not experienced yet but are willing to try
When I recently asked my wife to start looking for potential bull she says that she is really worried about falling in love with a bull as she says she can only enjoy sex when she is emotionally attached to a person
How should I convince her ?

I don't think you can convince her, she has to convince herself. You can learn all you can so that you have the answers to her questions and concerns. I, and many of us, want and need an emotional connection for sex so that part is very normal. I don't do ONS or strangers, I currently have a FWB and a boyfriend. I have a love for my FWB and I love my boyfriend.
But, that in no way takes any love away from my husband, my Number1. I know that my Number1 is and will remain my Number1. The others are an addition, never a replacement. This is something I know.
Your wife, like so many new to this, has concerns and worries.

[Farmgirl]

Do most of the VHWs have at least some secrets from hubby? Like I don't mean anything major, but like stuff you've enjoyed keeping to yourself and your bulls. Just stuff that it's been fun to have as a private thing.

Not for me. I don't intentionally withhold things from my husband. A large part of my enjoyment is in telling on myself, to withhold would be counter to me having the most enjoyment.

[scottamadore2]

We are young couple 34/27 we are not experienced yet but are willing to try
When I recently asked my wife to start looking for potential bull she says that she is really worried about falling in love with a bull as she says she can only enjoy sex when she is emotionally attached to a person
How should I convince her ?

I don't think you can convince her, she has to convince herself. You can learn all you can so that you have the answers to her questions and concerns. I, and many of us, want and need an emotional connection for sex so that part is very normal. I don't do ONS or strangers, I currently have a FWB and a boyfriend. I have a love for my FWB and I love my boyfriend.
But, that in no way takes any love away from my husband, my Number1. I know that my Number1 is and will remain my Number1. The others are an addition, never a replacement. This is something I know.
Your wife, like so many new to this, has concerns and worries.

Thanks a lot farmgirl I am going to show this reply to her as well as it really makes sense I cannot convince her and neither I want her to do this just for my sake. For now we are progressing we recently got married few months back and we know each other since almost a year I revealed my fantasy to her before marriage, that time she wasn't up to do it but recently we have been planning a trip to Dubai and she is excited to try it if we find any potential bull there but her major concern is always what if I fell in love with a bull.

[Swe_male]

I'm not sure if this is a HW question but but you maybe could answer as a woman, my GF once asked me about pegging and if I would like to try it. I said sure, if I wouldn't try I would die wondering.. you could surprise me, I said. She said, you better don't say no then...

After that.. nothing.. I'm a bit disappointed actually!
Should I remind her or just wait?

The discussion came up when she used her dildo and she asked me whether I wanted to be fucked by a cock or not, and that this could be some tryout..

[Farmgirl]

I'm not sure if this is a HW question but but you maybe could answer as a woman, my GF once asked me about pegging and if I would like to try it. I said sure, if I wouldn't try I would die wondering.. you could surprise me, I said. She said, you better don't say no then...

After that.. nothing.. I'm a bit disappointed actually!
Should I remind her or just wait?

The discussion came up when she used her dildo and she asked me whether I wanted to be fucked by a cock or not, and that this could be some tryout..

That falls under the heading of communication . You seem to want to try it, so I would say to tell her.
Many men like anal play and pegging. It's just another enjoyable addition to good sex for many of us .

[HotwifeBabs]

Do most of the VHWs have at least some secrets from hubby? Like I don't mean anything major, but like stuff you've enjoyed keeping to yourself and your bulls. Just stuff that it's been fun to have as a private thing.

Not so much secrets, but things or details I forget to tell him.

[superb101]

For all VHWs, what is the best advice you have ever given to another woman who was seriously considering this LS?

[Farmgirl]

For all VHWs, what is the best advice you have ever given to another woman who was seriously considering this LS?

Above all, be open and honest with your husband and keep him first in your life, but be a Hotwife in your own way.

[BBCfan]

  My wife had an on and off again FWB over many years.
She last saw him 8 or 9 years ago just before we started dating.

After quite a few years of suggesting they rekindle, She seems on board now.

They have begun chatting, and when I ask her if she really wants to do this, she replies with " Only if you want me to.   I'm doing this for you."

Then I reply "I don't want you to do it if you don't really want to."

She then replied with something like, " I really want you to see me taking his huge dick, I know how much it turns you on."  Also knowing that me being present is likely not gonna happen for the first few times anyway, if at all.

She will never come right out and say "I really want to do this, I want to reconnect with him again."

She's not the kind of person that would do something she doesn't want to do, but  I still have some influence. She was always dead against it until recently.

So is she likely deflecting from admitting she wants to do it just to try to save my ego a bit?... Or maybe so it doesn't seem like she's wanting wanting to step out of her marriage?

I just would never want her to do it "for me."
  I want her to be totally desiring it for the right reasons if she's going to step forward with it.

I figured this is an insight that only a VHW might understand.

Any help how I could approach this to know she is certainly on board would be appreciated, or even just a Woman's perspective would be helpful.

[Lookingforadventure]

  My wife had an on and off again FWB over many years.
She last saw him 8 or 9 years ago just before we started dating.

After quite a few years of suggesting they rekindle, She seems on board now.

They have begun chatting, and when I ask her if she really wants to do this, she replies with " Only if you want me to.   I'm doing this for you."

Then I reply "I don't want you to do it if you don't really want to."

She then replied with something like, " I really want you to see me taking his huge dick, I know how much it turns you on."  Also knowing that me being present is likely not gonna happen for the first few times anyway, if at all.

She will never come right out and say "I really want to do this, I want to reconnect with him again."

She's not the kind of person that would do something she doesn't want to do, but  I still have some influence. She was always dead against it until recently.

So is she likely deflecting from admitting she wants to do it just to try to save my ego a bit?... Or maybe so it doesn't seem like she's wanting wanting to step out of her marriage?

I just would never want her to do it "for me."
  I want her to be totally desiring it for the right reasons if she's going to step forward with it.

I figured this is an insight that only a VHW might understand.

Any help how I could approach this to know she is certainly on board would be appreciated, or even just a Woman's perspective would be helpful.

I would sit down with her and be very honest. Let her know that you are very supportive of her and whatever she decides to do. Admit that it would be a turn on for you and that you are excited about the possibility, but that it is even more important to you that she be happy and comfortable with it. If she is only doing it "for you" then you would rather she not do it at all.

You could also ask her about how it feels when she's chatting with him. What is it about him that makes him stand out in her memories? What excites her about the possibility or rekindling things?

See what she says. Maybe just talking about the fantasy will be as far as it goes, but if it gives you both thrills then it is a success.

[BBCfan]

I would sit down with her and be very honest. Let her know that you are very supportive of her and whatever she decides to do. Admit that it would be a turn on for you and that you are excited about the possibility, but that it is even more important to you that she be happy and comfortable with it. If she is only doing it "for you" then you would rather she not do it at all.

You could also ask her about how it feels when she's chatting with him. What is it about him that makes him stand out in her memories? What excites her about the possibility or rekindling things?

See what she says. Maybe just talking about the fantasy will be as far as it goes, but if it gives you both thrills then it is a success.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I appreciate your input.

I have done what you suggest in the first paragraph a few times very similar to as you suggest I should.
She does reply with "I wouldn't do something unless I was wanting to."
But when I ask her point blank if she really wants to, she deflects and says only if you want me to. That's what had me a bit confused. Perhaps It's part of the game for her? She obviously must want to on some level to move forward, but just won't say it directly.

I love your suggestion the second paragraph. Have done that a bit, but can see the value in doing in a bit more detail.

It already is a huge success as it has completely rekindled our romance and passion.
I think as much as there's a part of me that really wants it, I also don't want to jeopardize what I have with her, especially now that things are so fun, playful and exciting.

[rackjack]

This is a question for all but I would really love a response from Farmgirl, whose comments elsewhere gave me this question. What is the difference between a boyfriend, a FWB, and a fuck buddy? Farmgirl says she has or has had all three and I wonder what the differences are. To me, it seems it could relate to frequency of sex, activities together outside of the bedroom (or lack thereof), or any of several other things. Thanks.

[Farmgirl]

This is a question for all but I would really love a response from Farmgirl, whose comments elsewhere gave me this question. What is the difference between a boyfriend, a FWB, and a fuck buddy? Farmgirl says she has or has had all three and I wonder what the differences are. To me, it seems it could relate to frequency of sex, activities together outside of the bedroom (or lack thereof), or any of several other things. Thanks.

Hi, rackjack. A good question for new folks.
For me, it is mainly the level of emotional connection. I need and want an emotional connection, so I don't do ONS, strangers, ect., hence the FB, FWB, and boyfriend.
A FB is a sexual partner that I have a friend connection with, I love them like a friend; that would be the least amount of connection I would want.
A FWB is a much closer friend and I have a love for them, I make effort to help and mentor them.
My boyfriend I love. We share a good bit of our lives outside of just sex, we call each other everyday, text several times a day. He is more than just a lover.