Figuring it out

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA, this is an incredibly sexy retelling of your exquisite MFM night at the club, and suggests that you all reached a sexual nirvana. Such a hot experience!

Thank you. It was a wonderful night. One chapter yet to write too.

[Lookingforadventure]

After we had recovered a bit, we made our way back to the pool deck and sat in three lounge chairs overlooking the pool. I sat in the middle and occasionally held hands or stroked the legs of both men.

The crowd had gotten busier. I pointed out a tattoo or two that I appreciated, and we eavesdropped on some pool conversations. I pointed out one woman to G who had a particularly nice butt. He agreed it was nice (and added that her breasts were quite nice too) but said he liked mine better. Liar.

At one point, G said that he'd probably have to leave soon. He gave my hand a squeeze. I got the impression that...in addition to me wearing him out...he was leaving because he wanted to give Adventurer and I some time alone. (One of the things I love about him is his respect for our marriage)

I thanked him for the wonderful evening and pulled him in for a kiss. He shook A's hand and went to get dressed.

Adventurer and I finished our drinks. I teased him about a particularly attractive man getting out of the water. I didn't get a good look at his face, but he had a muscular back and firm butt that caught my eye.

Adventurer laughed and said he'd love to watch me have sex with a young lover like that. I said that I'd rather have sex with him. I asked if he wanted to go inside, and he quickly agreed.

We found a private room and enjoyed slower and more intimate sex in missionary position. There was a lot of eye contact and a lot of kissing. I think Adventurer's cock was close to the edge after such a long evening (he had held off on orgasming). I let him set the pace and enjoyed how well our bodies fit and know each other.

Adventurer told me how hot the night had been and how much he enjoyed it. He said how sexy I was and how much he loved me. I ran my fingers down his back, wrapped my legs around him tightly and said that I loved him too.

As I watched him go over the edge, a couple entered the room. The man was carrying his girlfriend/wife with his cock inside her. He lay her back on the chair next to us and continued pumping. It was the woman I had pointed out to G with the nice butt.

Adventurer must have thought she was cute too, because he stayed inside me and watched her for awhile. I gave his cock a squeeze with my pussy as he thrust into me. Then we lay in each other's arms for a bit, and both enjoyed the view.

Later, after we quietly left the room, we decided it was time to head home. I went to get dressed as A went to pay our bar tab.

I was dressed and waiting for A in the hall, when the young man I had admired in the pool came over to say hi. He asked if I was heading home, and I said I was. He said he was disappointed. He would have loved to go upstairs with me.

I smiled and said that I had already gotten a lot of use out of the upstairs. I explained that I had been there with my husband and my boyfriend and wasn't sure I had any more in me, but that otherwise he'd totally be my type. (Which wasn't exactly true because I don't know if I would have sex with a total stranger).

He smiled and gave me a fist bump and said he "liked my vibe". Lol.

And then Adventurer joined me and we went home. All in all, a wonderful date night with my two men.

[Long Lurker 34]

After we had recovered a bit, we made our way back to the pool deck and sat in three lounge chairs overlooking the pool. I sat in the middle and occasionally held hands or stroked the legs of both men.

The crowd had gotten busier. I pointed out a tattoo or two that I appreciated, and we eavesdropped on some pool conversations. I pointed out one woman to G who had a particularly nice butt. He agreed it was nice (and added that her breasts were quite nice too) but said he liked mine better. Liar.

At one point, G said that he'd probably have to leave soon. He gave my hand a squeeze. I got the impression that...in addition to me wearing him out...he was leaving because he wanted to give Adventurer and I some time alone. (One of the things I love about him is his respect for our marriage)

I thanked him for the wonderful evening and pulled him in for a kiss. He shook A's hand and went to get dressed.

Adventurer and I finished our drinks. I teased him about a particularly attractive man getting out of the water. I didn't get a good look at his face, but he had a muscular back and firm butt that caught my eye.

Adventurer laughed and said he'd love to watch me have sex with a young lover like that. I said that I'd rather have sex with him. I asked if he wanted to go inside, and he quickly agreed.

We found a private room and enjoyed slower and more intimate sex in missionary position. There was a lot of eye contact and a lot of kissing. I think Adventurer's cock was close to the edge after such a long evening (he had held off on orgasming). I let him set the pace and enjoyed how well our bodies fit and know each other.

Adventurer told me how hot the night had been and how much he enjoyed it. He said how sexy I was and how much he loved me. I ran my fingers down his back, wrapped my legs around him tightly and said that I loved him too.

As I watched him go over the edge, a couple entered the room. The man was carrying his girlfriend/wife with his cock inside her. He lay her back on the chair next to us and continued pumping. It was the woman I had pointed out to G with the nice butt.

Adventurer must have thought she was cute too, because he stayed inside me and watched her for awhile. I gave his cock a squeeze with my pussy as he thrust into me. Then we lay in each other's arms for a bit, and both enjoyed the view.

Later, after we quietly left the room, we decided it was time to head home. I went to get dressed as A went to pay our bar tab.

I was dressed and waiting for A in the hall, when the young man I had admired in the pool came over to say hi. He asked if I was heading home, and I said I was. He said he was disappointed. He would have loved to go upstairs with me.

I smiled and said that I had already gotten a lot of use out of the upstairs. I explained that I had been there with my husband and my boyfriend and wasn't sure I had any more in me, but that otherwise he'd totally be my type. (Which wasn't exactly true because I don't know if I would have sex with a total stranger).

He smiled and gave me a fist bump and said he "liked my vibe". Lol.

And then Adventurer joined me and we went home. All in all, a wonderful date night with my two men.

LFA - Just an awesome night with your Guys.
I like how G knows enough to leave you time to play with A alone.
I like how you and A are so well connected and nicely playful.
Neat how the young clearly appreciated you and your vibe.
As for total stranger. G must have been too at some point. Not that I am suggesting anything more than you have already.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA - Just an awesome night with your Guys.
I like how G knows enough to leave you time to play with A alone.

Me Too
I like how you and A are so well connected and nicely playful.

Me Too
Neat how the young clearly appreciated you and your vibe.

Or they were at least polite to us middle-aged folk
As for total stranger. G must have been too at some point. Not that I am suggesting anything more than you have already.

G was a stranger at one point, but I texted with him daily for several weeks before we met in person. That meeting was supposed to be just a simple meeting, but I ended up kissing him and giving him a blow job (oops). After that, we texted for five more months before I was ready to have sex.

I tried having sex with someone that I knew less well, and I didn't like it. I didn't post about it here because you never know if he might be a reader as well, and I don't think it was his fault, but it felt very cold and impersonal to me. I was ready to quit altogether if that's what this lifestyle was about. But Adventurer was ok with me continuing to play with the guys that I had developed trust with. That relationship aspect is important to me. I think that's why I couldn't do a random hookup with a stranger. With that said, I did once let strangers touch me at the sex club (no penis contact) and I found it quite exciting. So who knows what the future might bring.

[Long Lurker 34]

LFA - Just an awesome night with your Guys.
I like how G knows enough to leave you time to play with A alone.

Me Too
I like how you and A are so well connected and nicely playful.

Me Too
Neat how the young clearly appreciated you and your vibe.

Or they were at least polite to us middle-aged folk
As for total stranger. G must have been too at some point. Not that I am suggesting anything more than you have already.

G was a stranger at one point, but I texted with him daily for several weeks before we met in person. That meeting was supposed to be just a simple meeting, but I ended up kissing him and giving him a blow job (oops). After that, we texted for five more months before I was ready to have sex.

I tried having sex with someone that I knew less well, and I didn't like it. I didn't post about it here because you never know if he might be a reader as well, and I don't think it was his fault, but it felt very cold and impersonal to me. I was ready to quit altogether if that's what this lifestyle was about. But Adventurer was ok with me continuing to play with the guys that I had developed trust with. That relationship aspect is important to me. I think that's why I couldn't do a random hookup with a stranger. With that said, I did once let strangers touch me at the sex club (no penis contact) and I found it quite exciting. So who knows what the future might bring.

LFA - I beg to disagree, if as I recall, after your session, he approached you and that says something. Besides from I'm sure what you have read here and other places, younger guy - older woman. Not that I'm calling you old by any means. I think he saw you in action and just appreciated what he saw and figured "Nothing ventured...." And when you declined he handled it quite maturely, which, to me at least implies a certain amount of experience and respect.

[Lookingforadventure]

I'm a little bit giddy today. I have a date with G planned for tomorrow. He reached out this morning for our traditional coffee time together (via text) and happened to send me a picture that demonstrated exactly how eager he is to see me. Dick pics are a strange thing. Unsolicited ones from strangers are a real turn of to me. A photo of one that I adore, that is hard at the mere prospect of getting to slide into me in 24 hours, is rather intoxicating. I'm licking my lips and wiggling in my seat. Is it tomorrow yet?

[venus-can99]

Thats awesome to hear LFA. Is the date at the "office" (hotel) or more of a date night in the evening with dinner/dance and lots hot sex? All of the above ? Will D joining you or just solo?

Have fun

[Lookingforadventure]

Thats awesome to hear LFA. Is the date at the "office" (hotel) or more of a date night in the evening with dinner/dance and lots hot sex? All of the above ? Will D joining you or just solo?

Have fun

This is a "I'm going to the office" date with just G and I.

He said he wanted to try going slow with me and making out first, fully dressed. I used to be very good at long make out sessions that ended before things "got too far". I'm not sure I still have that level of self control. We will see.

[Lookingforadventure]

I got to see my boyfriend yesterday!!!!!

We had made a plan to meet at our regular hotel yesterday morning. G had asked me to wear leggings and to dress as if we were going on a date to the movies. He even suggested that I bring milk duds for our movie date.

I thought it was all very curious. He explained that he wanted to take things slow and make out with me, to see how far he could get. LOL. I liked his chances.

It turns out that G had a plan in mind where he wanted to make a gift for Adventurer. He was going to set up my phone to record an "interview" on the hotel room couch. He'd feed me milk duds as I slowly got to new states of undress, then he'd also feed me his cock. Adventurer would have actually loved that "casting couch porn" gift, but we didn't get around to making it. I guess we'll have to have another date.

While the video didn't happen, we did get to enjoy some clothed make out time. And I really liked it.

This is maybe a random aside, and could be more information that anyone really needs to know, but one of my favourite fantasies if I'm masturbating on my own, has to do with making out and being slowly seduced. It might go back to how I was raised and needing to be a "good girl" when it comes to guarding my virginity, but there is something very sexy (and guilt free) to me about having someone want me very badly, and slowly push my boundaries (over the clothes touching, then undoing a button or two, maybe some under the clothes touching, a finger sliding into my panties, my bra strap being slid down and a mouth placed on my nipple, maybe even a "just the tip" kind of penetration). In real life, I'm all about consent and would get pissed if someone pushed a girl beyond her stated limits, but in my fantasy I enjoy the idea of being pleasured into wanting more.

In any case, I don't think I ever told G about that quirk of mine, but yesterday's makeout session fed right into the fantasy. There was kissing and groping, exploring fingers, and some slow unbuttoning. We only lasted about 10 minutes before I decided I needed to suck his cock LOL, but they were an excellent 10 minutes.

The rest of the date was great too.

[venus-can99]

I mentioned in an earlier post that I've started a "hot wife adjacent" hobby of going to a pole dance studio for classes. While I recognize that this hobby isn't necessarily relevant to this site, I thought I'd give an update because I'm proud of my accomplishments.

This coming weekend will mark 10 weeks of my going to class once a week. I am still not very good: I am not a dancer, I don't have natural "flow" in my movements around the pole, and I am still building up my strength to do complicated moves.

With that said, last night I climbed to the top of the pole for the first time. I can even hold on to the pole with just my legs and let go with my hands (but not for too long, especially when I'm high). I also did my first successful forearm stand last night (you grab the base of the pole with both hands, your forearms on the ground. With strong shoulders, you kick your legs up and loop one around the pole. Once you are secure in a stand, you can let go with your legs and do all sorts of sexy things...a straddle, a pike, variations of pinwheel). When I started 10 weeks ago, there was no way I could have done either.

I still can't invert (where you grab the pole while standing, and lift your legs up and over your head, grabbing the pole with them so that you are suspended upside down) but I'm making progress.

In the 10 weeks, I've also lost about 10 pounds. I'm not sure that anyone else would notice, but I see more definition in my legs, arms and abs. All of this makes me feel stronger and sexier. That's important for a hot wife

Thank you for letting me brag. One of my goals for 2023 is to get good enough that I can do a bit of a routine for Adventurer (maybe even Adventurer and G). We will see how that goes.

I am dilligently following along this thread and thanks once again for sharing the journey - I am still around Christmas time 2022.
Besides your description of sexual activities with G, Adventurer and Sir, I love the way you interprese dialog so it makes me feel as if I am in the room watching. The banter with G and A about mundane things and your reflections is superb and I think that makes the thread so enjoyable.
Digressions like pole dancing and such paint a full picture.

Venus

[Long Lurker 34]

I mentioned in an earlier post that I've started a "hot wife adjacent" hobby of going to a pole dance studio for classes. While I recognize that this hobby isn't necessarily relevant to this site, I thought I'd give an update because I'm proud of my accomplishments.

This coming weekend will mark 10 weeks of my going to class once a week. I am still not very good: I am not a dancer, I don't have natural "flow" in my movements around the pole, and I am still building up my strength to do complicated moves.

With that said, last night I climbed to the top of the pole for the first time. I can even hold on to the pole with just my legs and let go with my hands (but not for too long, especially when I'm high). I also did my first successful forearm stand last night (you grab the base of the pole with both hands, your forearms on the ground. With strong shoulders, you kick your legs up and loop one around the pole. Once you are secure in a stand, you can let go with your legs and do all sorts of sexy things...a straddle, a pike, variations of pinwheel). When I started 10 weeks ago, there was no way I could have done either.

I still can't invert (where you grab the pole while standing, and lift your legs up and over your head, grabbing the pole with them so that you are suspended upside down) but I'm making progress.

In the 10 weeks, I've also lost about 10 pounds. I'm not sure that anyone else would notice, but I see more definition in my legs, arms and abs. All of this makes me feel stronger and sexier. That's important for a hot wife

Thank you for letting me brag. One of my goals for 2023 is to get good enough that I can do a bit of a routine for Adventurer (maybe even Adventurer and G). We will see how that goes.

I am dilligently following along this thread and thanks once again for sharing the journey - I am still around Christmas time 2022.
Besides your description of sexual activities with G, Adventurer and Sir, I love the way you interprese dialog so it makes me feel as if I am in the room watching. The banter with G and A about mundane things and your reflections is superb and I think that makes the thread so enjoyable.
Digressions like pole dancing and such paint a full picture.

Venus

VC99 & LFA - I absolutely agree and it couldn't be stated any better.

[venus-can99]

Oh man. The two of you are seeding a fantasy in my mind that might be hard to shake. I'm picturing wearing a sexy nurse outfit (with plenty of cleavage on display, and maybe quite short so that patients can admire the view if I need to bend over and pick something up) and providing lots of careful attention to those in need

I'm thinking that I would be a kind nurse (no dominatrix...this time) but also firm. My patients would have to lay back and let me handle everything. If they get gropey the game will end. Think you could handle it?

See how great our Canadian Healthcare is ?

[Lookingforadventure]

I am dilligently following along this thread and thanks once again for sharing the journey - I am still around Christmas time 2022.
Besides your description of sexual activities with G, Adventurer and Sir, I love the way you interprese dialog so it makes me feel as if I am in the room watching. The banter with G and A about mundane things and your reflections is superb and I think that makes the thread so enjoyable.
Digressions like pole dancing and such paint a full picture.

Venus

VC99 & LFA - I absolutely agree and it couldn't be stated any better.

Thank you both. Venus you have some fun adventures still to read if you are only in December 2022. My favourite might be from March when I went to Florida to visit G. I won't give away more details so you can enjoy it when you get there.

And thanks for the feedback on my writing too. I don't know if I've included much dialogue lately and I will try to remedy that. I do think that the wit and banter that I have with my lovers is one of the things that I really love. Intimacy is about so much more than sex, and for me to enjoy the experience I need more than just fucking. I'm glad that the genuineness of our relationship comes through in the posts.

[venus-can99]

Thank you both. Venus you have some fun adventures still to read if you are only in December 2022. My favourite might be from March when I went to Florida to visit G. I won't give away more details so you can enjoy it when you get there.

And thanks for the feedback on my writing too. I don't know if I've included much dialogue lately and I will try to remedy that. I do think that the wit and banter that I have with my lovers is one of the things that I really love. Intimacy is about so much more than sex, and for me to enjoy the experience I need more than just fucking. I'm glad that the genuineness of our relationship comes through in the posts.

Finally I am all caught up
I did LFA and Wow that was very nicely written - what I liked was how you described you misgivings about Brian being with G, the moments of stolen pleasure and the sheer enjoyment of being with G.
I had a number of questions as I read along and many of them were answered.
Are you planning to repeat the holiday experience with G perhaps slightly extended vacation? Perhaps a week?

Look forward to reading more - this is such a fun thread. Once again thanks to you, A and G for sharing this incredible journey.

Venus

[Lookingforadventure]

Finally I am all caught up
I did LFA and Wow that was very nicely written - what I liked was how you described you misgivings about Brian being with G, the moments of stolen pleasure and the sheer enjoyment of being with G.
I had a number of questions as I read along and many of them were answered.
Are you planning to repeat the holiday experience with G perhaps slightly extended vacation? Perhaps a week?

Look forward to reading more - this is such a fun thread. Once again thanks to you, A and G for sharing this incredible journey.

Venus

Congratulations! Lol. I'm glad you made it through.

It is funny that you ask about going away with G again. We actually have a couple of ideas in the works. It is tricky because I have limited vacation time from work, and am also in the last stages of having kids at home. My oldest starts university this fall and I'm keenly aware of how fast time will fly before I'm an empty nester. I want to squeeze in and savor all the family time I can. I also want to make sure that Adventurer and I have enough couple time. We've always prioritized getting away, even for a night, with just the two of us a few times a year.

With that in mind, I don't see a week-long vacation with G anytime soon. But we are planning an overnight next month for my birthday (46) and hopefully another in October to celebrate three years since I first met him in person and gave him a blow job in a park

I'm looking forward to both.

[venus-can99]

Congratulations! Lol. I'm glad you made it through.

It is funny that you ask about going away with G again. We actually have a couple of ideas in the works. It is tricky because I have limited vacation time from work, and am also in the last stages of having kids at home. My oldest starts university this fall and I'm keenly aware of how fast time will fly before I'm an empty nester. I want to squeeze in and savor all the family time I can. I also want to make sure that Adventurer and I have enough couple time. We've always prioritized getting away, even for a night, with just the two of us a few times a year.

With that in mind, I don't see a week-long vacation with G anytime soon. But we are planning an overnight next month for my birthday (46) and hopefully another in October to celebrate three years since I first met him in person and gave him a blow job in a park

I'm looking forward to both.

Oh the pleasure is all mine.
May I be first one to give you an early best wishes for your birthday? You are 46 ? I never would have guessed just seeing you pics posted by A. I have noticed how much importance you place on family, so I am sure it may limit your time to get away. Perhaps it may become easier once you are an empty nester.

In the meanwhile though I look forward to hearing all about your adventures and - hint, hint A - seeing them as well in the pic thread.

[Lookingforadventure]

Oh the pleasure is all mine.
May I be first one to give you an early best wishes for your birthday? You are 46 ? I never would have guessed just seeing you pics posted by A. I have noticed how much importance you place on family, so I am sure it may limit your time to get away. Perhaps it may become easier once you are an empty nester.

In the meanwhile though I look forward to hearing all about your adventures and - hint, hint A - seeing them as well in the pic thread.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. You are definitely the first since it is still quite a ways away and I'm not 46 yet!!!! Just a youthful 45.

[Lookingforadventure]

I wrote a post last week at one point and then deleted it. It was a bit melancholic, I guess, and I wasn't sure that I wanted it "out there" after all. The post was about "Sir" and also about Charlie and Tess. The gist of it is that I find it hard to say goodbye. The way that I play in this lifestyle requires friendship with the people that I play with. As a result, I end up genuinely caring for them. When things fizzle and fade, it seems like a loss. It isn't a deep depression or anything, but I still mourn that something has ended. Does anyone else feel this way?

Ultimately, I've decided to keep the door open to my relationship with "Sir". It might not be what it was in the past, but I think I'm ok with it being occasional instead.

I'm happy to report that he reached out yesterday. We had a very nice conversation. It wasn't a play session, just a catch up, but it felt good. His birthday is also approaching (earlier than mine) and I asked if he had any big plans for the day, or big resolutions for the coming year. That sparked him to ask about my goals and if there are new things that I'd like to try.

I've committed to giving him and Adventurer my "goals" list by Sir's birthday. Then we might try to knock one or two of them off the list before my birthday. I'm not sure if that will actually happen (Sir has been somewhat unreliable lately) but the goal setting could be fun. Maybe I'll even post the list here.

[regular3]

Ooh yes please.

[Long Lurker 34]

I wrote a post last week at one point and then deleted it. It was a bit melancholic, I guess, and I wasn't sure that I wanted it "out there" after all. The post was about "Sir" and also about Charlie and Tess. The gist of it is that I find it hard to say goodbye. The way that I play in this lifestyle requires friendship with the people that I play with. As a result, I end up genuinely caring for them. When things fizzle and fade, it seems like a loss. It isn't a deep depression or anything, but I still mourn that something has ended. Does anyone else feel this way?

Ultimately, I've decided to keep the door open to my relationship with "Sir". It might not be what it was in the past, but I think I'm ok with it being occasional instead.

I'm happy to report that he reached out yesterday. We had a very nice conversation. It wasn't a play session, just a catch up, but it felt good. His birthday is also approaching (earlier than mine) and I asked if he had any big plans for the day, or big resolutions for the coming year. That sparked him to ask about my goals and if there are new things that I'd like to try.

I've committed to giving him and Adventurer my "goals" list by Sir's birthday. Then we might try to knock one or two of them off the list before my birthday. I'm not sure if that will actually happen (Sir has been somewhat unreliable lately) but the goal setting could be fun. Maybe I'll even post the list here.

LFA - I can see how something like that could be very personal and maybe a bit too close to the bone as it were. On the other hand writing about tough things can have a cathartic effect for the writer. Perhaps not directly for yourself, viewing through the narrow slit (for us on your life) of your postings, your approach to how you participate in the LS and how awesome it seems, feels, appears, with these sort of events, brings to the fore the bumps/issues that are also the other type of experience one has to deal with.

I'm not in the LS, except for what I post here, so the sliver is barely there, but loss is loss and sometimes even seemingly minor things can hurt or bother you sometimes even decades later. When it involves friendship and closeness at times it can be wrenching. And whether one acknowledges it or not we humans do tote up and carry around our losses, big and small.

Ah the fun bits. That would be some neat reading.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA - I can see how something like that could be very personal and maybe a bit too close to the bone as it were. On the other hand writing about tough things can have a cathartic effect for the writer. Perhaps not directly for yourself, viewing through the narrow slit (for us on your life) of your postings, your approach to how you participate in the LS and how awesome it seems, feels, appears, with these sort of events, brings to the fore the bumps/issues that are also the other type of experience one has to deal with.

I'm not in the LS, except for what I post here, so the sliver is barely there, but loss is loss and sometimes even seemingly minor things can hurt or bother you sometimes even decades later. When it involves friendship and closeness at times it can be wrenching. And whether one acknowledges it or not we humans do tote up and carry around our losses, big and small.

Ah the fun bits. That would be some neat reading.

Thank you. Writing the post was actually very therapeutic for me. I find that writing helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings, so it was a good exercise. I guess I'm just sensitive to not wanting people to misunderstand the situation. I didn't want anyone to think that I was being strung along by Sir or that I'm being ignorant to him trying to blow me off. I know that's not the case. I think the novelty has just worn off, so it is less of a priority for him (or for either of us really). I was writing because I was feeling sad about the end of a certain phase of our relationship, but I also still feel protective and don't want anyone to bad mouth him about it. I guess I'm complicated.

But thank you for your post. Clearly you understand what I was trying to convey (even though I deleted it). I appreciate your support.

[Long Lurker 34]

LFA - I can see how something like that could be very personal and maybe a bit too close to the bone as it were. On the other hand writing about tough things can have a cathartic effect for the writer. Perhaps not directly for yourself, viewing through the narrow slit (for us on your life) of your postings, your approach to how you participate in the LS and how awesome it seems, feels, appears, with these sort of events, brings to the fore the bumps/issues that are also the other type of experience one has to deal with.

I'm not in the LS, except for what I post here, so the sliver is barely there, but loss is loss and sometimes even seemingly minor things can hurt or bother you sometimes even decades later. When it involves friendship and closeness at times it can be wrenching. And whether one acknowledges it or not we humans do tote up and carry around our losses, big and small.

Ah the fun bits. That would be some neat reading.

Thank you. Writing the post was actually very therapeutic for me. I find that writing helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings, so it was a good exercise. I guess I'm just sensitive to not wanting people to misunderstand the situation. I didn't want anyone to think that I was being strung along by Sir or that I'm being ignorant to him trying to blow me off. I know that's not the case. I think the novelty has just worn off, so it is less of a priority for him (or for either of us really). I was writing because I was feeling sad about the end of a certain phase of our relationship, but I also still feel protective and don't want anyone to bad mouth him about it. I guess I'm complicated.

But thank you for your post. Clearly you understand what I was trying to convey (even though I deleted it). I appreciate your support.

LFA - You're welcome. Anytime.
- I don't and will never have your experience in the LS and what goes with it. But the one thing I do have, at this point, is several more decades of living and hard won understanding.

[Farmgirl]

I wrote a post last week at one point and then deleted it. It was a bit melancholic, I guess, and I wasn't sure that I wanted it "out there" after all. The post was about "Sir" and also about Charlie and Tess. The gist of it is that I find it hard to say goodbye. The way that I play in this lifestyle requires friendship with the people that I play with. As a result, I end up genuinely caring for them. When things fizzle and fade, it seems like a loss. It isn't a deep depression or anything, but I still mourn that something has ended. Does anyone else feel this way?

I fully get what you're feeling . Like you, I have a love for all of my guys and a very close connection with those past and present. Over the years, they have come and gone for various reasons, but have remained friends that I still care about. It is a loss when things fizzle and fade, but it's also a natural progression. So, it's right to mourn and right to remember, they're a part of us and will remain so.

[Farmerj]

LFA, I get what your saying and i also do not as I am not privileged in your lifestyle. But as in anything in life when you enjoy something and then lose it, feelings can make you feel malaise or sad. Reverse that thought, as it was something you got to experience as a bonus or something special. It should not feel sadness but joy and happiness on something that was experienced. Much like a amusement park that had your favorite ride but now has closed. feel the joy of experiencing something that was here if even for a short time. I am sorry if that sounded so disjointed from a old man, whats the old sayin Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?

[lovethis]

LFA, I get what your saying and i also do not as I am not privileged in your lifestyle. But as in anything in life when you enjoy something and then lose it, feelings can make you feel malaise or sad. Reverse that thought, as it was something you got to experience as a bonus or something special. It should not feel sadness but joy and happiness on something that was experienced. Much like a amusement park that had your favorite ride but now has closed. feel the joy of experiencing something that was here if even for a short time. I am sorry if that sounded so disjointed from a old man, whats the old sayin Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?

The amusement park is still there how ever, that particular ride may not give the same thrill it once did, but still wont stop you from the limited times that it may become available.
New rides are in the making and usually the thrill level will match or exceed the previous ride or rides.