Hello, maybe a Wannabe?

[NumbersGuy]

Of course I’ve heard of swingers and wife sharing before but it's been eye opening for me to see the extent of the activities on this forum. Nice to be aware that I’m not alone in my desire.

I’m Kevin and my wife is Anika. I’m a married father of two young kids, in my mid-40s. I’m Asian-American, born in the US, with Japanese heritage. Anika is late 30s, also born in the US but her family migrated from Iran. We’re both well-educated and professional. I do accounting and she has a high-powered marketing job at a major corporation. She travels a lot for work, all over the world. Anika is very beautiful, often called exotic, with long dark hair, green eyes and slim but with an ample chest partially benefitting from implants. She’s into yoga and exercise and a healthy lifestyle. She was a recent MBA graduate when I met her and she had had several boyfriends. In fact, she had a boyfriend when she and I first connected and began our relationship. She had had some one night stands and I know there was some mildly wild “partying” but I’ve never asked for details. I don’t think anything outside of the realm of a normal American young woman’s experience. Our own sex life is fun, fairly regular, a few times a week of some kind of activity. We’re adventurous, playful.

We live in the Portland area and for the past four years we’ve rented out a small unit above our garage to students who attend a local college. The school year schedule works great for us with my in-laws spending summers with us, up from Tucson. We’ve had three young women as tenants over the four years. They were not amazingly sexy but they provided plenty of fodder for my perverted mind over the years, although it was never more than fantasy, but that’s material for a different forum.

This year, our tenant is a young man, Jake, who moved in in early August. He’s 19, a sophomore. He’s of stocky build but he’s soft, non-athletic, a pale white nerdy kid with dark brown curly hair and brown eyes. He’s typical of the kids at his school, very smart but socially awkward. Most importantly, I’m sure he has a thing for Anika. He’s not the smoothest kid and when she’s around, he openly stares. He’s nervous around her and stutters. There also have been two confirming incidents.

The first is when he had some friends over one evening and they were playing board games up in his room with the windows open and they were talking. I could hear them while I sat on my back porch near our pool. One of them mentioned Anika being “a hot mom” and Jake talked about watching her play in the pool with the kids. They talked about her chest, her ass and her beautiful face, especially her mouth and specifically her lips. They were laughing and joking and he didn’t say anything too lewd but he called her a “milf”. This conversation may have upset me when I was a young man but I sat there, a bit stunned, not only by what they were saying but by my own reaction. I had an erection.

Second, one day I was in the house and could see into his place and he was standing by the window and looking over into our yard. Anika was working in the garden on a hot day and she had on a sports bra top and shorts. I could only see him from the chest up and I can’t say with 100% certainty but I’m 99% sure that Jake was masturbating while he watched her. Either that or he was very intently shining shoes.

I only once joked with Anika about this. I said he had puppy dog eyes for her and maybe she could be his Mrs. Robinson. She gave me a “Don’t be silly” brush off but what surprised me was how she blushed. I know Anika and in that moment I knew she knew Jake was into her. I wondered what other interactions there have been. To be clear, there’s no way an affair has sprung up without my knowledge-it would be too out of character for Anika-but I wonder if there’s been some flirting. I don’t feel an ounce of jealousy-it turns me on.

This experience has opened my eyes to the idea of becoming a cuck. I’ve been fantasizing about Jake and Anika almost daily and when we have sex, it's in my mind. She’s unaware of my fantasies.

I don’t know if I want to really go down this path but I’ve contemplated the decision tree.

1) The easiest is to do nothing and enjoy the fantasies. Maybe the safest route but honestly, it seems a bit boring and I don’t see why this isn’t worth some exploration.

2) I could create situations where Anika is alone more often with Jake. When she blushed that day, I believe it also meant she liked his attention. Maybe something could happen naturally between them. The problem is that I don’t want to put Anika in the position of “cheating”, even if it's something I secretly desire. She’s an ethical person and I wouldn’t want to manipulate her into feelings of guilt.

3) I could talk to her about it. Tell her what I’ve been thinking. Tell her about my fantasies. See what she says and how she reacts. This seems the safest and smartest route. But how do I tell her such a thing? I’m afraid she'll think I’m a pervert, especially because we’ve taken a somewhat protective, almost parents-away-from-home posture with our tenants.

Sorry this has gotten long. I’m working through a lot of things. Any thoughts or comments appreciated.

[BallSpanking]

You are at a stage where it is way too premature to take any steps. You don't even know if you want this yet, or whether Anika would be interested.
But judging from your observations you have stumbled on to fertile ground. Given Anika's reactions, and you knowing her as you do, there is a sense of awareness on her part she is not confessing to, and is probably thrilling to her. It underscores her sexiness as a woman, and she likes that.
In fact, that would be a fun 'innocent' path by which to proceed.
Suggest to Anika that she give him a sexy peek at her body (accidentally on purpose). Maybe outside working in the yard, laying out topless by the pool when she 'thought' Jake was not around ... Not sure if there is a window facing his rental that Anika could pass by or sit on a regular basis. I think you are likely right about his masturbating seeing your wife, so if there were a regularly scheduled activity like yoga in the sun room ... He would definitely beat off to that if he could see her.
This naughty idea could find its way into your conversations, casually, and nestle in her bosom ... If she likes it, she will find little ways to move that forward. You are just barely at the starting gate, but the road ahead looks very promising.
Keep us updated, please.
Congratulations!

[hubudig2]

Welcome to the forum.
In my opinion and experience, cuckolding works best when you and your wife are completely open and honest with each other, it's an amazing journey you can share with each other.
Like you said, option 2 puts her in a difficult situation and you wouldn't get to know her thoughts and feelings, it could take you down a bad road.
Option 3, although it would take some groundwork, would turn it into something you can share and even if nothing happens right now, you'll potentially be able to have some erotic fun with Anika, talking about or planning possible scenarios.
Regarding how to tell her, it really depends on your dynamic and how comfortable you both are with talking about these sorts of things.
If you think telling her about Jake in particular wouldn't go down well, try to broach the subject more generally. The next time she mentions another guy being hot for example you could tell her that you recently became aware that the idea of her with another guy turns you on, see how she reacts, see where it leads.
It's usually a good idea to tread carefully when approaching the subject. Women tend to immediately react by assuming you want to fuck other women in return for her fucking another guy. Given your situation with also having young women stay with you, it's almost certainly best to leave out any mentions of Jake until Anika fully understands that you genuinely are turned on by the idea of her with a guy rather than jumping to the conclusion that you want her to fuck Jake so that you can have something of your own with any women that stay with you.

[NumbersGuy]

Wow, these are amazing replies! Thank you for the thoughtful comments!

I've been thinking about it all afternoon and I think yes, I will talk to her. We often take morning walks with the dog and I think that would be a good time to bring it up in a "safe" way. I'll try to work the courage up over the long weekend. Explain that this has nothing to do with me seeking permission to do anything. And I won't be asking her to do anything herself. In fact, I think I just say that this idea turns me on. I won't push beyond that at first. See how she reacts. I'd love to have her dress sexy or tease Jake but that would have to come later.

By the way, she does have a healthy sex drive and she enjoys being sexy. She likes make up and long hair and perfume and jewelry and dresses and skirts and heels and showing some cleavage and all that traditionally very feminine stuff. She always has. One of the things I love about her. I'm proud of how hot she is. Even when she dresses for work in her professional clothing, I think she's very sexy. You'll think I'm crazy but I think she looks like the actress Caterina Murino who plays Solange in the 007 movie Casino Royale with Daniel Craig. No one has ever said that out of the blue but when I say it to them, they always agree.She'll also freely comment on what actors she thinks are hot (Keanu Reeves, for example)

[BallSpanking]

You definitely need to know if she is curious about the idea ... And you can't just go and blurt it out.
Shock value is not a great intro to the topic, though to some extent it is unavoidable. The same should apply to her progress along this road.
Never pressure her into doing something she does not want. Resentment is the quickest way to shut down this possibility.
Your approach should be expressed in loving terms. Remember the thought of being with another man, which by now she desperately needs, also causes her a huge amount of anguish. She said as much, her greatest fear is she will succumb to temptation and hurt you.
This, in fact tells you where the stumbling block is.

She acknowledges her needs, but feels like she is betraying her husband and her marriage.
Betrayal only happens when there is no knowledge or agreement. A mutually agreed boundary (or hall pass) in a marriage is completely the business of husband and wife. Some insist on monogamy, others, as in Europe, have grown to understand life can be long and full of unexpected twists, so it is better not to be too radical about monogamy. It doesn't do to display it for everybody, but, within a marriage, this agreement can work just fine.

The hows, whys, and wherefores are completely for you and your wife to decide on (I would suggest incremental baby steps to not freak her out), there are many different flavors and ways HW's swing.

Please keep us posted.

[NumbersGuy]

Well, this is a little embarrassing but I did speak with Anika and it went well, just not how I planned. After posting here yesterday and really being consumed by this fantasy, I was pretty worked up at bedtime last night and I went right after Anika. She commented with a “what's got you going tonight?” and laughed as I attacked her. After a nice warm up, we were getting into it. I’m on top of her, doing my regular thing but with a little more gusto and she’s moaning with her eyes closed and body writhing under me in pleasure. I’ve got my dick inside her and suddenly, I just blurt it out.

“God, I’d love to see Jake fucking you”.

I know. So much for my cool headed discussion. It then gets worse.

Because it came out of the blue and she wasn’t expecting it, she misheard me. She stops everything. Eyes wide open, total look of shock and she says, “You want to have sex with Jake!?”

So embarrassing.

So there I am, on top of her, dick still in her and I have to explain. “No, no, I think it’d be hot to watch Jake fuck YOU.” A slow look of comprehension crosses her face and she pauses but then, I feel her moving beneath me again. She starts saying things like “Yeah? You want to see me fucking that young stud? Tell me more. Tell me what you want to see.” While I resume fucking her, even harder now. I told her my fantasies. I told her all of it. My thoughts of him fucking her in our bed. Of her riding him and cumming on his cock. Of her going over to service him every night. Of him choking her with his cock. We both got really turned on and she was just saying things like “Yes! Yes! And Oh God Yes!”. Then I told her to think of him now, think of him fucking her. She closed her eyes and started saying “Jake..Jake”. Then, we both started cumming. Had to be one of our hottest sessions in a while.

Afterwards, we snapped back into our normal routine. Cleaning up, cuddling in bed, falling asleep. I said something like “that was hot” and she said “hmmm yeah it was”. But then we fell off to sleep.

This morning, we were walking the dog together and I brought it up again. And she looked at me funny and just said that it was just fantasy play. That she could never do something like that. I just shrugged and said it’d be fine with me if she wanted to try. She hit my arm lightly and said I was crazy.

So not how I wanted it to go but she didn’t freak about my fantasy at least. She even got turned on by it at a fantasy level.

We’ve invited Jake over for BBQ tonight but not sure if he’ll come. Likely not. Tomorrow, we’re going to our lake house for the long weekend and we invited him but he said no. He’s busy with school and his clubs and his college life.

[BallSpanking]

The cat is out of the bag. Leave it be for a while. Honestly, let normalcy prevail and keep an eye out for little details.
She may start dressing a little more revealingly in the yard, spending more time there, in the area he can see her ...
Not sure if there's a window facing the rental ...
Don't bring it up again until she does. She will.

[joel68]

This thing heated up quickly. Sounds like she’s eventually going to be into it.

Jake definitely wants to fuck her.

BallSpanking, I agree. Play it cool. She will likely bring it up. It could be the next time you fuck. If not, then eventually in the sack. It may take a few more fuck sessions before she talks about it. But from what you said, it could come up again when you are fucking her.

Oh, and one more thing. If she brings it up during fucking and it’s hot, it could take a few more sessions like that to come around to doing it for real. One thing you could say is that if just talking about it makes your fuck sessions hotter, just think how hot they will be if it’s for real. Or something along those lines. Just a suggestion. This one you will need to play by ear depending on what she says.

[hubudig2]

Sounds like you fucked that plan right up but somehow got away with it lol.
She took that well, she'll be mulling over the possibilities for a little while, leave her to it.
If she doesn't bring it up for a few days, you can mention catching Jake checking her out or something.
Depending on why she thinks she could never do something like that, it could be that she needs a confidence boost.
Help her flirt with the idea, let her work it out for herself that Jake is into her.
When she knows for sure that it's possible, she'll instead start to question why she shouldn't do it.

[philxxo]

It sounds like you are off to a great start. It's the waiting game now. Don't push at all. She will bring it up and ask questions. She is going to have to be really comfortable with the idea before it happens. She will worry you want to start fucking other women, that you will see her differently forever and ever, that it will destroy your marriage, that she isn't attractive enough anymore to get a stud. Even if you say it's OK and continue to encourage her she will have to think about it all for a long while. Continue to encourage her in how beautiful, sexy, and attractive she is. Continue to reinforce to her that she could get any man she wants. She will bring it up again, at least in an attempt to try to understand it, and what's on your mind. When she does, be patient gentle and understanding with her. Realize that you have dropped a bomb on her. Be very open with her, why you want it, why you think it is an erotic turn on for you. She will likely ask many times trying to understand before she ever agrees to do it. If it happens quickly for you, you will be very lucky. For most of us it's a long struggle. I am still a wannabe so take my advice for what it's worth.

My wife is not just pretty, she is smoking hot good looking. She still struggles with getting older and saying she is "too fat" and blah blah blah. She could get any man she wanted. I keep telling her that. She also insists that she loves me and that she is perfectly satisfied, so there is no reason for her to do that. Your wife will likely say the same things. Good luck and keep us posted!

[NumbersGuy]

So yesterday, Jake texted me and asked if he and two of his buddies could come out to the lake house for the day and of course I said yes. I honestly think it was the appeal of the lake on a warm day but I like to think Anika was also in his thoughts.

We had two other families there for the day too so it was a small party. Anika was wearing a regular white t-shirt and shorts but the t-shirt was tight and a little see-through and with a lacy white bra beneath. Shorts were snug on her ass and her legs looked sexy. I’m pretty sure the other dads there and Jake and his buddies all noticed. At one point, she was speaking with Jake and she looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with me and she gave me a little naughty smile and then she laughed at something he said. I wouldn’t say she was sexually teasing him but definitely flirting with him for my benefit.

Later, she went swimming and wore a black one-piece bathing suit. Her chest looked amazing. I didn’t see anyone overtly staring but they had to have noticed. We let Jake and his friends have a few beers and I think we all enjoyed having young people there who were interesting to talk to and also had the energy to goof around in the water with our kids. I was a little disappointed that they didn't get into the water when Anika did but maybe they were nervous or didn’t want to appear to be too forward. After she swam some, she quickly changed back into her casual clothes.

In bed last night, we had sex again which makes this a very active week for us. She asked if I liked watching her flirt with him. I said yes and asked what she liked about him. She talked about his young body, his curly hair. I asked her what she thought of his friends and she said they were all hot and she thought they were checking her out, too. She told me when she was trying to get an extra large pot off a high kitchen shelf, one of the boys helped her and when she was on a small step stool, he was behind her, her ass eye level to him, and he put his hands on her hips as she leaned up to get it. She said she felt his breath on her lower back as her t-shirt lifted as she stretched up. With that image in my head, she then said she wondered how big Jake’s dick was and that made me cum. (She’s on the pill by the way.) She laughed then and said “wow, you really do like this fantasy.” And then I said yeah and went down on her because she hadn’t cum yet. I asked her to think about him and she said his name again, eventually cumming in my face.



This morning we went on a long walk along the lake with the dog and we had a conversation I wish we had had ten years ago. We talked more openly about sexual turn ons than we ever have before. The conversation started when she asked (without my prompting) if it was just something about Jake that I found erotic or if my fantasies would extend to other men as well. I said I think it would extend to others. We then went through a list of different possible sexual things to do. The context of the questions was ‘do these things turn you on’-I wasn’t asking her to actually do anything. She also was clear to say that she’s very happy with our current sex life and that I’m enough for her-sometimes too much.

I asked lots of things but I’ll share some of her highlight reactions:

MFM Threesome? “You and another guy at the same time is a hot idea but I don’t know if I really could.” Why not? “I don’t know, that’s just not the kind of people we are.”

FMF Threesome? “I’d be willing to experiment with a woman, but no way will I accept you doing anything with another woman. Ever, under any circumstance.”

Having an “affair” with another guy (with my permission)? “Who hasn’t fantasized about a steamy affair? But the reality of something like that is very, very different. Complicated and full of risks.”

Me watching her with another guy? “That just sounds weird.”

Swinging? “Again, you don’t get other women.”

A gangbang? After laughing, she said “That might be a hot fantasy to imagine but I really don’t think it would be enjoyable in real life. Probably gross and possibly painful.”

What age range would you be willing to go for? Any racial preferences? “There are sexy young and old men. I’ve been with guys of different races (we’re mixed race ourselves) and I’m glad to have tried a little variety but there’s not some race out there that I’m wishing I had tried.”

After she made that last comment, I said that I would like to hear more details of her sexual past and she asked if I was sure. I said an enthusiastic yes and she said sure. We didn’t have time to continue the discussion but I’m looking forward to it.

[BallSpanking]

How about "a tryst"?
The fact is a 'summer fling' with the perfect circumstances with Jake, is staring her in the face.
She will never again have it available to order, take out, or eat in, all in one.

[NumbersGuy]

In bed last night, I asked about her sex past and I learned a lot. First off, her tallies are higher than I would have guessed. 17 dudes have fucked my wife. And she gave oral to many more. I was a little blown away. Are those numbers high or low or average? I’m sure you’d like to hear more but first, maybe a little about me.

Anika was #5 for me and that was it. I was a serial monogamist. I had a high school girlfriend for three years who dumped me the day before I left for college and the very next day, on my first day at college, I met my next girlfriend for over 2 years who cheated on me several times before dumping me. Then, within a week, I had another serious girlfriend who I stayed with for nearly three years before she also cheated on me and ended it. Then, within a few days, I started up with a woman who I thought I was going to marry. In fact, we were engaged. Until…I’m sure you can guess…she cheated and broke it off. That woman was actually an acquaintance of Anika and when Anika heard about our break up, even though she had a boyfriend at the time, she pounced on me. We were married within a year. All of my girlfriends were very attractive and I’ve had steady access to sex since the age of 16. But I never “played the field”. Never had a one night stand or even just a random hook up. I also was clearly in a pattern of getting cheated on and I would tell you that while I tolerated it a few times, I never enjoyed it. It was painful. I think the key difference now would be my participation. If Anika lied to me and had an affair, it would still be devastating for me. But I’m secure in my relationship with her now and as long as I was fully aware of what was happening, I think I would enjoy it.

I also don’t want to give the impression that I’m a wimp because I got cheated on so often and because I’m into this cuck idea. I’m average height, 5’9”, and slim but I’ve always been muscular and athletic. I do yoga daily, bike and run. I’ve done a triathlon, can do a hand stand push up and I’ve got six pack abs. I am of east Asian (Japanese) heritage. It's true that I’m soft-spoken and a gentle person, but I also would not back down from a fight.

So back to Anika’s past. As we were lying there, she started telling me about what she regarded as her “hottest” relationship. A guy she had an affair with one summer just after she graduated from undergrad. He was much older, in his 30’s, and an executive at the firm where she was temping. He was also married. But she said it was sexually eye opening because he was kinky, got her to try different things and she said the danger of the inter-office relationship with a married man made it even hotter. As she told me details, we were lying beside each other and we both started masturbating. I told her how hot it would be if she looked him up now and so we searched him on FB. He came right up. Appears to be a divorced (surprise, surprise) dad but still a handsome white guy. I said she should send him a friend request and when she did, we both came. I look forward to hearing more details of her past.

One thought. The second we both orgasmed, the image of that guy and everything we were talking about just disappeared, poof, gone. We cuddled and went to sleep like we always have. It makes me think about how when it comes to sex, I can want something really bad but then after it happens, the desire evaporates. What would it be like if there was another guy there fucking Anika after I came? Would I come to my senses and freak out?

[BallSpanking]

The post-climax reality is devoid of the erotic pleasure just experienced. Usually it is filled with regret, insecurity and uncertainty.
Sometimes, as her hubby, it may be better to keep a little distance, to avoid "harshing their mellow" ...

[philxxo]

I don't know if her numbers are high. My own wife admitted to me that she sucked 20-30 cocks in high school. She had sex with others as well no doubt. I am her second husband also. So she is probably into the 30's at least. I was divorced and was a total man-whore while I was single. I fucked everything I could get my hands on. I'm sure I am over 50. Not something I am proud of really. I think nowadays a lot of attractive women have relatively high numbers.

I would be curious to know why you got cheated on so much? Why do you think that was? Do you have a smaller cock? It could be anything I suppose.

I feel the same way about my wife. I enjoy hearing about all of her past sexual experiences. She finds that odd. She doesn't at all like hearing about mine. If she had an affair behind my back, I would be really pissed off. But If I got to watch her with another man, or at least knew all about it, including details, I would enjoy it as well.

I hear that once you cum, all the desire for cuckolding goes away briefly, so just be prepared for that if it ever happens. Based on what you say, I think it would be extremely hot for her to fuck one of the college guys around, or maybe even an ex as you mentioned. A college kid would be better in my opinion, as there is definitely no threat to your marriage. It would be "safe" for her as well. Only sex, and the kid might be a stallion. It would be new and more exciting for her. Continue to make opportunities available for them to be together and see what happens. Continue to demonstrate to her and tell her how much the thought of it turns you on.

[BallSpanking]

I don't know if fucking an older, probably fatter, divorced middle aged guy will have the appeal he used to have with Anika.
Why not an A-1 Alpha? Younger, handsome, well muscled, and well hung?

[NumbersGuy]

So we’ve done it twice more where we’re in bed and she starts telling me about her sexual past while we’re masturbating. She tells me about a three day road trip with 4 guys when she was moving from Boston to Florida when she blew all four of them several times. She tells me about her early corporate days when she slept with coworkers and clients. When she tells me, she tells it like a story and adds lots of sexy details. I have to touch myself lightly to stop from blowing too fast. I suspect some of the facts are exaggerated for my benefit and maybe even the entire story and I can tell she likes telling me.

One of the stories however kind of bothers me and I wonder what you all would advise I do. She talked about a conference she attended in Tel Aviv, Israel, years ago. She told me about this guy who came on to her and that they fucked every night of the conference, even sneaking out of the conference between daytime meetings to play some more. She said he was married and she’s never seen him again.

My issue is that I’m 99.9% certain she’s only been to Tel Aviv once and we were already married then. It was when our oldest was like a year old. I vividly remember her being nervous about going there because of terrorism fears. I also remember her photos from her guided tour of Jerusalem-something you’d likely do on your first visit. So did she cheat on me and now inadvertently told me? Did she just make the story up to turn me on? Or maybe she got the facts confused and it happened before marriage but not in Tel Aviv.

So should I say anything? Here I am encouraging her to become a hotwife but if I flip out over a past indiscretion, won’t that set me back, maybe forever? I should add that despite what I said in my previous post, I’m not as angry or as devastated as I thought I would be. It was a long time ago now and I remember that the first 2 years with kids wasn’t a great time in our marriage. I think I could just let it go, but the wondering is bothering me.

I would be curious to know why you got cheated on so much? Why do you think that was? Do you have a smaller cock? It could be anything I suppose.

I'm not totally sure. Maybe I was a little suffocating in the relationships? I went so serious so fast. Maybe I'm too nice? And yeah, I'm small

[philxxo]

Well, that is very interesting. Blowing all 4 guys sounds to me like she was a total shameless slut at one point in the past, and that sounds promising for you. All you need to do is reawaken that again. That girl that sucked all 4 guys multiple times is likely still inside her head. Just try to convince her that you are OK with it and she doesn't need to suppress it if that is who she really is. Make her feel comfortable with discussing it. Ask her what she liked about each guy. Ask about their cocks. Let her know that turns you on that she was sexually free and liberated and felt confident to do whatever she wanted. She is telling you all of this because she is testing your responses. Are you jealous and insecure? She has to be sure that it will not damage your marriage. Don't display any jealousy or insecurity at all.

I would definitely check on the Tel Aviv situation. Try to find out if she had been to Tel Aviv before or not. I'm not sure how you would do that. Secondly, she could very well be trying to tell you that she cheated on you in the past. The first 5 years of marriage to anyone often sucks. My first 5 years in both marriages were consumed with a lot of fighting. So maybe you could let it pass. Secondly, maybe she is testing you? My wife is concerned that despite what I say to encourage her, this is all fantasy. If it actually happens she thinks that I may get insanely jealous and hate her for the rest of our marriage. If you show any hint of jealousy at all she may become scared of the idea. My wife is insanely jealous. I am the opposite. She thinks its abnormal that I am not as jealous as she is. In my mind, just having sex with someone else, especially if it were a young well hung alpha stud who could rock her world, isn't a threat to the relationship. Having sex behind your back and having an "affair" is quite different. Especially with someone that she could potentially see as a marriage partner. A young college kid would not fit into that category. I would ask more questions about the Tel Aviv conference and let her know it is OK even if you were already married. If you are small, I would ask about these other guys cocks. Were they big? Does she like that? Does she prefer that? Let her know its OK with you for her to seek a bigger cock. She has a right to be sexually pleased how she wants. Just because she is married, you don't want her having to deny herself what a beautiful woman such as her deserves.

In my case, my cock is average but pleasing. I just don't have the stamina and long lasting enough to make her cum with PIV sex anymore like she needs. I tell my wife that it's OK if we get a young stud to do her right. I tell her as my wife, that she deserves to be fucked the way she wants and needs. I also frame it as something that we are doing together, not just her doing it. Let her know that you will still be involved. She may or may not want you watching. I would prefer to watch but I told my wife it's not absolutely necessary if she wants it another way. Convince her that you are happy with her being sexually free. Get yourself into position that you are enjoying the ride with her as well. Convince her that you like the thought of her having sex with whomever she wants, it turns you on. If she will agree to some pics, then get on an app and let her see what kind of guys she could get. Many times, if the right stud appears, then resistance to the idea crumbles.

[CandA]

Either way, you’re learning a lot and becoming closer. You want that to continue.

Think through your feelings and give it some time and thought while you ponder how you feel about things regarding her sexuality and fidelity.

[NumbersGuy]

How badly do you other wannabes want this? Is this desire an important part of our sexuality? I'm kind of wondering if I can fully reach my potential as a person if I don't really explore this?

[Mr1SexyGILF]

So should I say anything? Here I am encouraging her to become a hotwife but if I flip out over a past indiscretion, won’t that set me back, maybe forever? I should add that despite what I said in my previous post, I’m not as angry or as devastated as I thought I would be. It was a long time ago now and I remember that the first 2 years with kids wasn’t a great time in our marriage. I think I could just let it go, but the wondering is bothering me.

It is often suggested here the secret to successful and enjoyable ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) is Communication, Communication, and more Communication. If you are not comfortable asking her about the timing of the Israel conference, you two may not be ready to move this from fantasy to reality

Mr GILF

[NumbersGuy]

I can't sleep.

So there was 9/11 news on the tv and I casually mentioned our fears about terrorism back when she took her trip to Israel and I asked how many times she’s been there and she said “just the once”. In addition, when she first told me the story, she talked about having sex outside on the hotel balcony which overlooked the beach. A little internet sleuthing and I found which hotel her conference was at and sure enough, its along the beach in Tel Aviv with amazing balcony views.

Thinking it over, I think she gave too much detail for it to be totally fabricated. The balcony memory also means she’s not confusing venues. I think she cheated. I’m a little upset but not so much that I want to confront her or express anger. I do feel like I should let her know I realize for several reasons.

1. Communication communication communication.
2. Let her off the hook if she does feel any guilt.
3. Use this to really move us ahead to where I want this to go.

I’m not exactly sure how I will do this. I think you already know I’m not the best at following up on my carefully laid plans so I won’t make any specific plans. I’ll just wait for a good opportunity to say something. She’s going away for a work trip this afternoon so it may have to wait a few days.

[CandA]

I’m sorry for your painful realization, but I feel you are discovering that you have the amazingly sexual wife you’ve dreamed of. Maybe you can get to ethical non-monogamy from the cheating version.

She also sounds smart enough to be already aware she has admitted and then confirmed her history to you.

Best of luck

[philxxo]

Yep, she cheated on you. I'm sorry. I would definitely confront her with it at some point soon while it is fresh. I think she knows that she told you. She probably feels safe telling you now because of the recent communication with you. She is testing you. I don't blame you for being upset about it. Being cheated on behind your back isn't the same thing as hotwifing. However, when you confront her about it, as you should, let her know that's it's now obvious that she cheated on you. Accept it for what it is. Don't appear angry or hurt over it. But tell her that you want to know all the details, why she chose to cheat etc. She did it for a reason. Maybe it was big cock, maybe it was because he was handsome, maybe just the excitement and sexual boredom at home. Then work that to your advantage and tell her she can be sexually free with your permission. You just want to be informed and know all the details and be fully informed. Maybe even some pictures. You might consider telling her that when she travels for business like that again, that she has a "hall pass" to meet and fuck whomever she would like. Tell her you love her unconditionally no matter what she chooses sexually.

As for how bad I want this. I feel like this is something I want to experience with my wife. My wife had many men before me, and because she is much younger, I will likely die first. Mine will not be the last cock in her, so why wait til I die? I tell my wife, we can try this, if either of us doesn't like it then we don't have to do it again. It's been a fantasy of mine for a very long time. When I masturbate, it gets me off faster than anything else. You only live once, if you think you want this, then give it a whirl.

[NumbersGuy]

She came home from her trip and we were able to sit outside on our balcony and enjoy a pleasant evening but I felt something was wrong. I thought maybe it's me, so I just brought it up. I said I know that I asked about her experiences with other guys and I’ve been talking about watching her with other guys but I couldn’t help but wonder about the timing of the Tel Aviv story she told me. She nodded with a tense face and she was holding back tears. She said she’d been thinking about it these past several days. When I casually asked about how many times she’d been to Israel, she knew for sure that I had been thinking about it, too. She told me she has been crying in private about it but she didn’t want to cry now, she didn’t want me to feel sorry for her.

When we were caught up in the heat of her telling me about her sexual past, she said she began that story and immediately recognized her mistake. But she couldn’t stop herself. She said it felt so good to let it out, to unburden herself of the secret. She said she’s never told anyone, not even her best friends. Her friends think highly of me as a husband and a father and she would be too ashamed to tell them that she cheated on me and endangered it all.

I told her that I understood. I said that it's painful for me for two reasons. First, she lied and two, she had to live with a lie. Living with a lie like that had kept us from being as emotionally close as we could have been.

She asked me what I was going to do. She asked if I thought we needed counseling. Then, she whispered in a hoarse voice, do we need to get lawyers?

I said I absolutely hope not the lawyers. I told her I couldn’t imagine anything so terrible as tearing us apart, our family apart, especially if she and I both want it to work out.

She immediately hugged me as tight as she ever has and began sobbing in my chest. Said she would do anything to keep us together. I didn’t cry, just deep breathing to keep my head clear.

I said I wasn’t against counseling but I felt if we felt we could achieve open and honest communication on our own, I wouldn’t feel it necessary.

Then, with a deep breath, I said that this moment is the big moment. Her chance to answer my next question fully and honestly. I promised that anything said now would be forgiven.

Have there been others?

Three other guys, in addition to the guy in Israel. Israel, as she had said, was someone she never saw again.

I nodded. Controlling my shock, trying to keep my face stoic as she watched me closely. Tell me.

The first wasn’t Israel. It was a former boyfriend and it wasn’t long after our wedding. She had been traveling for a work trip and they had arranged to meet for a drink and one thing led to another. For the next several months, work sent her to that city and they met up several times. She doesn’t remember how many. Maybe 3 or 4. He's now married himself and she hasn't seen him in many years.

The next was a man who was considered an important client of her company. This actually started before we were married and occurred occasionally for several years. He was older and she said it wasn’t particularly passionate for her but she found the circumstances erotic. When they would be at the same conference or event, he would basically demand her. After our marriage, he said he didn’t see why it needed to stop. This ended years ago when he retired and just stopped seeing him.

The most recent was in early 2021. Her first business trip as we were coming out of covid. She said she thinks she was starved for social interaction and she was having dinner at a hotel bar and met a young man and she went up to his room. She said it was a few hours, she didn’t even tell him her real name and she doesn’t know his.

I will tell you that at this moment, afterwards, as I think it over and tell you about it, I am turned on. However, when she was talking, it was not erotic at all for me. I wasn’t hurt as much as I was in shock. I was literally shaking. I didn’t know what any of this meant. Her capacity for dishonesty is mind-blowing.

I said it sounds like she’s cheated on me throughout our marriage. She did some clarification and pointed out the long period when only the post-covid young man occurred and she said even that is nearly two years ago.

I then had to ask the next painful question. I really didn’t want to but I had to. Why? What’s wrong with just me?

She pleaded and tried to say that there’s nothing wrong with me. She said that her 100 best nights of sex were all with me. She said there’s never been a moment when there was a choice between being with me or another guy and she chose the other. But, she said that I did know she has a high sex drive and she said when she’s alone or away from home, she said the temptation can be too great for her. She said she’s thought of quitting her career or requesting a “no travel” arrangement but her career is a big part of her life and identity. But if I demanded it, she would do it, she’d quit.

Whew.

I said I would keep my end of the bargain. She was forgiven. I still loved her. I said that if she’s committed to our relationship like I am, I can see a path where we could have an even more loving and closer relationship now. But we need to keep talking.

Thank you guys for letting me unload all of this on you. I’ll be honest, I don’t think we could handle the jump to “hotwife” anytime soon, although I’ve been an unknowing cuck.