Anyone successfully contacted their wife's ex from years ago?

[hedonistcouple]

I'm contemplating contacting my wife's second lover from 32 years ago. She met him a week after her husband left her aged 21, and he was a mix of rebound, her older guy fetish(he was 35) and a spontaneous 'what the hell' moment after she met him on a drunken night out.

She dated him for six months and he would often stay the night but they didn't live together. She says that he was the best lover she's ever had and they were (in her words) 'really, really dirty together. I was her 11th and since we started stag & vixen 20 years ago she's had a total of 30 lovers so he was clearly something special.

She said he adored her, was besotted with her looks (he was punching way above his weight) and was desperate to get engaged but she refused as she was newly single and sorting her head out after her split. They had a pregnancy scare and he was ecstatic but then crestfallen when it was a late period. They split when she met someone else and he was heartbroken, literally sobbing on her doorstep on several occasions afterwards. She hasn't seen or heard from him since.

I have located him but for reasons that I won't go into at this point, I absolutely have to be the one to contact him. I just don't know how to explain myself and our stag & vixen setup!!

[snoogaloo82]

I'm contemplating contacting my wife's second lover from 32 years ago. She met him a week after her husband left her aged 21, and he was a mix of rebound, her older guy fetish(he was 35) and a spontaneous 'what the hell' moment after she met him on a drunken night out.

She dated him for six months and he would often stay the night but they didn't live together. She says that he was the best lover she's ever had and they were (in her words) 'really, really dirty together. I was her 11th and since we started stag & vixen 20 years ago she's had a total of 30 lovers so he was clearly something special.

She said he adored her, was besotted with her looks (he was punching way above his weight) and was desperate to get engaged but she refused as she was newly single and sorting her head out after her split. They had a pregnancy scare and he was ecstatic but then crestfallen when it was a late period. They split when she met someone else and he was heartbroken, literally sobbing on her doorstep on several occasions afterwards. She hasn't seen or heard from him since.

I have located him but for reasons that I won't go into at this point, I absolutely have to be the one to contact him. I just don't know how to explain myself and our stag & vixen setup!!

Proceed with caution as there could still be some tender hearts that still need to mend.

[brutay2]

I'm contemplating contacting my wife's second lover from 32 years ago. She met him a week after her husband left her aged 21, and he was a mix of rebound, her older guy fetish(he was 35) and a spontaneous 'what the hell' moment after she met him on a drunken night out.

She dated him for six months and he would often stay the night but they didn't live together. She says that he was the best lover she's ever had and they were (in her words) 'really, really dirty together. I was her 11th and since we started stag & vixen 20 years ago she's had a total of 30 lovers so he was clearly something special.

She said he adored her, was besotted with her looks (he was punching way above his weight) and was desperate to get engaged but she refused as she was newly single and sorting her head out after her split. They had a pregnancy scare and he was ecstatic but then crestfallen when it was a late period. They split when she met someone else and he was heartbroken, literally sobbing on her doorstep on several occasions afterwards. She hasn't seen or heard from him since.

I have located him but for reasons that I won't go into at this point, I absolutely have to be the one to contact him. I just don't know how to explain myself and our stag & vixen setup!!

When you contact him, tell him about this forum and direct him toward the discussions of hotwife experiences. He may find this life style very appealing. Good luck

[warmnsalty]

Mrs reconnected with an ex best friend. When when was married to her first husband, this guy was their 3rd wheel. They 'd always flirted but never hooked up. 20 years later they reconnected. She asked if she could fuck him, sure I said. Things went great for over a year, then dude catches feelings. She'd told him from the start is was just fucking... well he couldn't handle that part so after a year and a half she stopped fucking him. Took 6 months of no contact for him to "reset" - she still meets him now and then for lunch or drinks but no fucking.

[snoogaloo82]

Mrs reconnected with an ex best friend. When when was married to her first husband, this guy was their 3rd wheel. They 'd always flirted but never hooked up. 20 years later they reconnected. She asked if she could fuck him, sure I said. Things went great for over a year, then dude catches feelings. She'd told him from the start is was just fucking... well he couldn't handle that part so after a year and a half she stopped fucking him. Took 6 months of no contact for him to "reset" - she still meets him now and then for lunch or drinks but no fucking.

So they still see each other on occasion? That is wild, I would have thought if they'd gone through what they went through I would think things would be over with.

[warmnsalty]

It was rocky at first, but he finally got the message. He was a big part of her former life and helped her out a lot while married and afterward. She was excited they reconnected, liked fucking him as well. Was sad it turned out the way it did but wanted to maintain a friendship. Mrs is a strong woman and can handle herself. She made it clear after the break that that was over and if he wanted to still be friends it would be just that, nothing physical. He finally moved on and now has a gf so it's a problem of the past.

[snoogaloo82]

It was rocky at first, but he finally got the message. He was a big part of her former life and helped her out a lot while married and afterward. She was excited they reconnected, liked fucking him as well. Was sad it turned out the way it did but wanted to maintain a friendship. Mrs is a strong woman and can handle herself. She made it clear after the break that that was over and if he wanted to still be friends it would be just that, nothing physical. He finally moved on and now has a gf so it's a problem of the past.

That's so wonderful that they could work things out! I have to say that 99% of the time things like this would fail. It's wonderful to hear that things worked out for everyone!!

[MarknSusan]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

[slenderfish]

Slenderwife was in contact, off and on, with a "rebound" ex- (rebound from the first "love of her life" boyfriend). This "Mr M" was married at the time they were dating, and her older sister had been friends with his wife back in high school. She had been depressed over the breakup and was out with a girlfriend, at some place where there was dancing, and this guy (Mr. M) took a liking to SW and they dance and then went somewhere and fucked. She kept fucking him for over a year after that, perhaps two years. SW finally broke up with him when he didn't leave his wife and they had their second child.

But she said he was more of a career mentor over that time, and it was very helpful to her confidence and earnings power. She told me she kept in contact with him over the years for additional career advice from time to time. I also noticed from time to time that she hid certain contact from me, and even made plans to meet up with him on a layover while traveling. She had moved to where I live when we became engaged, etc.

Once I got the hotwife bug, I stopped giving her crap about anything to do with him, without being too obvious. A few years ago, on her birthday, she and I were out and she sighed, and told me this was the first year he had not reached out to her to wish her a happy birthday. She was disappointed, in a very slight way.

I urged her to send a text message to him giving him shit for forgetting. I even composed it for her to type and then send, while sitting next to her at the bar and watching the text conversation pick up. Big hard-on!

And once SW agreed to try taking a lover, he was one of the most obvious candidates. She said she wanted to try with someone who was not a random stranger.

Ultimately, he was her second true hotwife lover, after he completed his divorce, at least 10 years after SW and he had stopped dating. However, he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was married and that her husband supported her shenanigans. So he kind of freaked himself out once they did fuck, and they stopped all contact.

His loss!

[Long Lurker 34]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

With M&S on this.

[hedonistcouple]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

WOW, that has really shocked me Mark. You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

[Caribwaters]

My wife after being married many years reconnected with an old high school boyfriend. They went to a few dances, etc, as teenagers, but never engaged in sex. From the time I started dating my wife this guy's name would frequently come up. Over the years always wanted to know anything about him, such as, was he married, how many kids, when did he divorce, what did he do for work, what town was he living in, etc.

She ultimately manipulated her boss into hiring him as a "casual" contractor and on the 1st day he showed up at the office my wife introduced herself to him. They briefly talked, then he had to meet with the boss man. After their discussion he asked her out to lunch, which she immediately accepted. They went to a popular restaurant that he used to frequent in his younger days, using his conversation van. After lunch they returned to the van and immediately started having naked sex in the back while still in the parking lot.

This set off nearly a 30 year on-again off-again assignation between them. He remarried and later divorced during their continuing undiscovered relationship. She claims he had the biggest dick and gave her the best organism of any lover she had enjoyed. Always crazy about him and he could make her do just about anything as long as he fucked her before the night was over. Much to her disappointment he passed away a few years ago.

[leggysman]

You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

The point, I think, is that the guys you'd be contacting are not into hotwifing, and would find it very odd to be contacted by an ex's current partner

[MarknSusan]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

WOW, that has really shocked me Mark. You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

Hedonistcouple I sincerely apologize if I offended you, or sounded judgmental in any way.

I understand your desire to have your wife reconnect with a past lover and it’s something obviously that my wife has successfully accomplished. But she had the connection with these men and she put it together. Not me.

IMO…you seemingly asked, and I simply responded…solely based on our experiences.

I would love to see it work for the three of you.

However, it’s a relationship your wife had with a lover. And again, IMO he probably may not understand why a man he never met is approaching him in an attempt to put his wife together with him.

So my comment is not intended to judge you ..it was intended to help you and your wife accomplish a successful reconnect with a past lover.

Do what you and more importantly, what your wife are comfortable with.

I wish you, your wife and her past lover a successful encounter. Please let us know how it works out.

[leo-cpl]

I'm contemplating contacting my wife's second lover from 32 years ago. She met him a week after her husband left her aged 21, and he was a mix of rebound, her older guy fetish(he was 35) and a spontaneous 'what the hell' moment after she met him on a drunken night out.

She dated him for six months and he would often stay the night but they didn't live together. She says that he was the best lover she's ever had and they were (in her words) 'really, really dirty together. I was her 11th and since we started stag & vixen 20 years ago she's had a total of 30 lovers so he was clearly something special.

She said he adored her, was besotted with her looks (he was punching way above his weight) and was desperate to get engaged but she refused as she was newly single and sorting her head out after her split. They had a pregnancy scare and he was ecstatic but then crestfallen when it was a late period. They split when she met someone else and he was heartbroken, literally sobbing on her doorstep on several occasions afterwards. She hasn't seen or heard from him since.

I have located him but for reasons that I won't go into at this point, I absolutely have to be the one to contact him. I just don't know how to explain myself and our stag & vixen setup!!

32 years is a long time, people change......he may be happily married or may not be interested, he may not be such a good lover, their chemistry may not be as good. They hooked up and dated for just 6 months (that made things exciting and fun she was on a rebound) that's the best kinda sex there is (carefree, horny and young) but it wouldnt be the not same situation all over again.

IMO you just missed not being when that happened and now you think them meeting mat recreate that excitement and you can be around to witness it.....There are other ways to get what you looking for without going into the past....Good Luck, hope things work out for you guys!

[snoogaloo82]

I'm contemplating contacting my wife's second lover from 32 years ago. She met him a week after her husband left her aged 21, and he was a mix of rebound, her older guy fetish(he was 35) and a spontaneous 'what the hell' moment after she met him on a drunken night out.

She dated him for six months and he would often stay the night but they didn't live together. She says that he was the best lover she's ever had and they were (in her words) 'really, really dirty together. I was her 11th and since we started stag & vixen 20 years ago she's had a total of 30 lovers so he was clearly something special.

She said he adored her, was besotted with her looks (he was punching way above his weight) and was desperate to get engaged but she refused as she was newly single and sorting her head out after her split. They had a pregnancy scare and he was ecstatic but then crestfallen when it was a late period. They split when she met someone else and he was heartbroken, literally sobbing on her doorstep on several occasions afterwards. She hasn't seen or heard from him since.

I have located him but for reasons that I won't go into at this point, I absolutely have to be the one to contact him. I just don't know how to explain myself and our stag & vixen setup!!

32 years is a long time, people change......he may be happily married or may not be interested, he may not be such a good lover, their chemistry may not be as good. They hooked up and dated for just 6 months (that made things exciting and fun she was on a rebound) that's the best kinda sex there is (carefree, horny and young) but it wouldnt be the not same situation all over again.

IMO you just missed not being when that happened and now you think them meeting mat recreate that excitement and you can be around to witness it.....There are other ways to get what you looking for without going into the past....Good Luck, hope things work out for you guys!

Very good advice!!!

[hedonistcouple]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

WOW, that has really shocked me Mark. You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

Hedonistcouple I sincerely apologize if I offended you, or sounded judgmental in any way.

I understand your desire to have your wife reconnect with a past lover and it’s something obviously that my wife has successfully accomplished. But she had the connection with these men and she put it together. Not me.

IMO…you seemingly asked, and I simply responded…solely based on our experiences.

I would love to see it work for the three of you.

However, it’s a relationship your wife had with a lover. And again, IMO he probably may not understand why a man he never met is approaching him in an attempt to put his wife together with him.

So my comment is not intended to judge you ..it was intended to help you and your wife accomplish a successful reconnect with a past lover.

Do what you and more importantly, what your wife are comfortable with.

I wish you, your wife and her past lover a successful encounter. Please let us know how it works out.

Hey, I didn't take any offence or feel judged in any way. I was just really surprised that someone who was a long-standing forum member would say that they would be creeped out. I could totally understand a guy who had no knowledge or experience of Hotwifing or ENM being creeped out but I thought someone in our lifestyle would not be phazed. I have zero interest in other women and if the husband of one of my ex-girlfriends contacted me I would decline, but not be creeped out because I have years of experience in this lifestyle and realise that we all have different variations of ENM. I really appreciated you thoughts in your reply, so thanks so much for those.

Interestingly, I was a member of the original forum when it was hosted on Bianca's Smut Shack way back in 1994 and I have seen hotwifing develop from a niche fetish, to a popular category in porn and be the subject of mainstream media articles. My wife and I were practicing Stag & Vixen sex years before it existed as a term. Over the last couple of years I have noticed Hotpast become a major community on Reddit and there is definitely a link between Hotpast and Stag & Vixen starting to emerge online.

I am going to make further posts about our situation soon but one of the main reasons that I'm thinking about an ex is that it's been so difficult for us to have the time to find suitable guys as my wife refuses to look online and going to clubs is time consuming as we have kids and no reliable babysitter.

We have had a previous successful long-term situation with a vanilla friend who we eventually persuaded to become my wife's lover after two years of hints but he's no longer in the country and we don't have any other suitable friends!

Last year my wife responded to mild flirting from a guy she met while walking the dog and eventually took the scary and potentially damaging step of telling him that we were a Stag & Vixen couple and invited him into our bed.

She eventually managed to fuck him on 3 occasions over a 6 month period but it was an emotional rollercoaster ride as he was very wary of our setup at the start and we're now very wary of vanilla guys.

There's a lot more to tell but my plan is that her history with an ex can be used to our benefit.

[MarknSusan]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

WOW, that has really shocked me Mark. You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

Hedonistcouple I sincerely apologize if I offended you, or sounded judgmental in any way.

I understand your desire to have your wife reconnect with a past lover and it’s something obviously that my wife has successfully accomplished. But she had the connection with these men and she put it together. Not me.

IMO…you seemingly asked, and I simply responded…solely based on our experiences.

I would love to see it work for the three of you.

However, it’s a relationship your wife had with a lover. And again, IMO he probably may not understand why a man he never met is approaching him in an attempt to put his wife together with him.

So my comment is not intended to judge you ..it was intended to help you and your wife accomplish a successful reconnect with a past lover.

Do what you and more importantly, what your wife are comfortable with.

I wish you, your wife and her past lover a successful encounter. Please let us know how it works out.

Hey, I didn't take any offence or feel judged in any way. I was just really surprised that someone who was a long-standing forum member would say that they would be creeped out. I could totally understand a guy who had no knowledge or experience of Hotwifing or ENM being creeped out but I thought someone in our lifestyle would not be phazed. I have zero interest in other women and if the husband of one of my ex-girlfriends contacted me I would decline, but not be creeped out because I have years of experience in this lifestyle and realise that we all have different variations of ENM. I really appreciated you thoughts, so thanks.

Interestingly, I was a member of the original forum when it was hosted on Bianca's Smut Shack way back in 1994 and I have seen hotwifing develop from a niche fetish, to a popular category in porn and be the subject of mainstream media articles. My wife and I were practicing Stag & Vixen sex years before it existed as a term. Over the last couple of years I have noticed Hotpast become a major community on Reddit and there is definitely a link between Hotpast and Stag & Vixen starting to emerge online.

I am going to make further posts about our situation soon but one of the main reasons that I'm thinking about an ex is that it's been so difficult for us to have the time to find suitable guys as my wife refuses to look online and going to clubs is time consuming as we have kids and no reliable babysitter. We have had a previous long-term situation with a vanilla friend who we eventually persuaded to become my wife's lover after two years of hints! Last year my wife responded to mild flirting from a guy she met while walking the dog and eventually took the scary step of telling him that we were a Stag & Vixen couple and invited him into our bed. She eventually managed to fuck him on 3 occasions over a 6 month period but it was an emotional rollercoaster ride as he was very wary of our setup at the start. There's a lot more to tell but my plan is that her history with an ex can be used to our benefit.

I appreciate taking your time to clarify your thoughts. I also agree with your comments about how hard it is finding suitable guys.

About the ex…I suppose your intent is to possibly surprise your wife with him?

[Iamgroot]

My wife's ex boyfriend came out of the closet after high school, so I don't think it would be any use to contact him. She is friends with him on Facebook.

[snoogaloo82]

My wife's ex boyfriend came out of the closet after high school, so I don't think it would be any use to contact him. She is friends with him on Facebook.

That's cool that she came out. My first girlfriend I found out is a lesbian, and married and with a son.

[SilverStag]

Remember the old adage: Ex's are Ex's for a reason. Don't reopen Pandora's Box.

[snoogaloo82]

Remember the old adage: Ex's are Ex's for a reason. Don't reopen Pandora's Box.

I'd never heard that saying before, but it's definitely a good one!!

[curiouschattycouple]

I met my wife's ex bf when we were dating, from her high school days. A total loser, lazy, shrimpy, pale, and socially/emotionally awkward, way below her in every way. Somehow he was packing a nice 7.5" dick, 1.75" thick, and took her virginity and made her orgasm when he did it. Wtf right? All he had going for him was his prowess in the sack, and I am still.jealous of that.

[leo-cpl]

My wife has connected with three old boyfriends and they all turned out to be good experiences.

However, I would NOT suggest that you initiate the contact. Most people don’t understand NM relationships. My wife had to carefully explain her intentions and it took a little bit of time.

The idea of some guy cyber stalking me and then contacting me because I dated his wife in the past would creep me out.

If your wife doesn’t have the initiative to contact him…it’s probably not going to work anyway

WOW, that has really shocked me Mark. You talk about how your wife has connected with exes but then say that if someone like me contacted you, then you'd be creeped out. That's a stunning reaction to have for a man who's into hotwifing. Wouldn't it be kinder and friendlier to give that guy some empathy?

Hedonistcouple I sincerely apologize if I offended you, or sounded judgmental in any way.

I understand your desire to have your wife reconnect with a past lover and it’s something obviously that my wife has successfully accomplished. But she had the connection with these men and she put it together. Not me.

IMO…you seemingly asked, and I simply responded…solely based on our experiences.

I would love to see it work for the three of you.

However, it’s a relationship your wife had with a lover. And again, IMO he probably may not understand why a man he never met is approaching him in an attempt to put his wife together with him.

So my comment is not intended to judge you ..it was intended to help you and your wife accomplish a successful reconnect with a past lover.

Do what you and more importantly, what your wife are comfortable with.

I wish you, your wife and her past lover a successful encounter. Please let us know how it works out.

Hey, I didn't take any offence or feel judged in any way. I was just really surprised that someone who was a long-standing forum member would say that they would be creeped out. I could totally understand a guy who had no knowledge or experience of Hotwifing or ENM being creeped out but I thought someone in our lifestyle would not be phazed. I have zero interest in other women and if the husband of one of my ex-girlfriends contacted me I would decline, but not be creeped out because I have years of experience in this lifestyle and realise that we all have different variations of ENM. I really appreciated you thoughts in your reply, so thanks so much for those.

Interestingly, I was a member of the original forum when it was hosted on Bianca's Smut Shack way back in 1994 and I have seen hotwifing develop from a niche fetish, to a popular category in porn and be the subject of mainstream media articles. My wife and I were practicing Stag & Vixen sex years before it existed as a term. Over the last couple of years I have noticed Hotpast become a major community on Reddit and there is definitely a link between Hotpast and Stag & Vixen starting to emerge online.

I am going to make further posts about our situation soon but one of the main reasons that I'm thinking about an ex is that it's been so difficult for us to have the time to find suitable guys as my wife refuses to look online and going to clubs is time consuming as we have kids and no reliable babysitter.

We have had a previous successful long-term situation with a vanilla friend who we eventually persuaded to become my wife's lover after two years of hints but he's no longer in the country and we don't have any other suitable friends!

Last year my wife responded to mild flirting from a guy she met while walking the dog and eventually took the scary and potentially damaging step of telling him that we were a Stag & Vixen couple and invited him into our bed.

She eventually managed to fuck him on 3 occasions over a 6 month period but it was an emotional rollercoaster ride as he was very wary of our setup at the start and we're now very wary of vanilla guys.

There's a lot more to tell but my plan is that her history with an ex can be used to our benefit.

Totally agree that its crazy difficult to find the right guy! However, we feel the best bet is still online (coz everyone knows why you are there and good chance of finding experienced people) and the vetting process to finally decide to meet a guy/cpl casually is v imp.

[SRKnight]

My HW was the “other woman” for three years with Todd and then took two year break. During that two years we meet and married. We were 5 hours away and he contacted her and they have been at it for over 12 years now. He recently moved 10 miles away and it is hotter all the time.