Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[US31]

Wow!
I can’t wait for details! Remember, you can’t pull back on the reins now. Don’t go jack off and then have post nut clarity! and get cold feet…

[Bomerang43]

I can't wait for your details!

[Guhunkadorn]

I've been following your postings since day one both here and else where.

So I say she should go for it.

And I agree with US31 - do not master bate! Plan to have your wife take care of you upon her return.

Furthermore, in early days, she should space her visits out to no more than one every 2 weeks, giving you two plenty of time to communicate in between and for her to decide it's what she wants to pursue.

Good luck.

[drstrangelove]

Major update!!!

Thank you all for early feedback.

My head is still spinning, but I’ll do my best to give everyone all the context on the latest.

We just had a good talk with her. We both shared how we felt. I reinforced that she’s my life partner and our family is the top priority. I told her I loved her and thought this could be a fun adventure we do together, noting our sex life has gotten a bit stale. I framed it that it could be her having a stress free time without me, the kids and work; and it would be something I could enjoy along with her.

To my surprise, she agreed! She added though that she doesn’t want to jump into bed with him, but asked if I would be ok with her asking him to get drinks together. I said of course.

We did cover some early ground rules. I told her transparency was critical for me and she needed to tell me everything about what they discuss and do. She agreed. I also told her “aftercare” would be really important to make sure I don’t feel isolated or vulnerable—I’d need her to make sure we reconnect with each other after they see each other. She also agreed with that.

I told her I’d do my best not to be too intense or annoying as well—that I’ll need to show restraint and patience—I promised to try to be empathetic as she’ll be going through a lot emotionally as well.

Lastly, and I noted it was premature, so she cut me off and said—“you’re going to ask about birth control aren’t you?”

So I nodded. She replied that she doesn’t want to go on BC, but she understood the concern and would use condoms.

So at that point, with her actually saying it, I realized this is 100% real now. It’s clear she wants to fuck him again, but doesn’t want to come off overeager to me and hurt my feelings again. She said she feels great about herself after the call and I could see her confidence was booming.

So she is texting him now—she never asked about his personal dating life or where he is living now (he sold his house after the divorce). Assuming the exchange goes well, she’s going to ask him to meet for drinks.

So that’s it.

And I just want to say, thank you to everyone in this thread. This has been such a crazy long journey with all of you. I can’t believe it’s finally this close to being real. It feels surreal.

I’m sure I’ll have more updates and more thoughts once my brain settles a bit.

[drstrangelove]

Another update.

So she texted him and asked where he lived and he replied with the town right next to us. He added: “It’s a long driveway off Main Street…”

She replied: “Painting a picture in case I come visit?”

He replied with a shrug emoji.

Then she replied: “Maybe we start with meeting for drinks?”

He said: “Just like the last time.”

She hasn’t replied to that as we are dealing with kids, but this thing is now seemingly full steam ahead.

We discussed briefly the choice of whether or not she tell him I know or not. Originally we decided to pretend she’s cheating, but it does create the complication of her needing to lie and create alibis. Either way, she plans to frame it as this is not serious for her, just some escapism as her married sexlife is stale.

But we will need to decide on the course before she meets him for drinks—also one of them will have to pick a discreet location to use to meet.

I can tell she’s a bit overwhelmed—she’s light and free texting him, but then she’s right back to me and the kids and madness of her life.

Meanwhile, I’m trying my best to be relaxed when I feel like I’m going to implode lol.

[Bomerang43]

You two are absolutely on fire!
She should tell the truth that you know whole situation

[drstrangelove]

You two are absolutely on fire!
She should tell the truth that you know whole situation

Yea, at first I thought it was best to keep it in the dark, but now it feels like it’s inevitable, right? It’s not like it would spook him at this point. And it means she won’t need to lie and pretend to sneak around.

Edit: spoke to her about it. She said he hasn’t asked about me and she doesn’t think he will. So her preference is to not even mention me and let him think whatever he wants. So I said that’s fine and if he does ask, she can decide how to handle.

[drstrangelove]

Last update for today.

So she had to run out to get one of our kids and we texted. I asked if this was really real and she said she loved me and that something was happening…

Like, this is real, guys lol. It’s crazy to think about.

She also said I could help her pick out the outfit she wears to bar to meet him (as long as also work appropriate).

They agreed to meet in NYC when they’re both there; he’s checking his schedule, but I’d imagine it could happen over the holidays at some point.

[Bomerang43]

You always wanted this. Finally it's happening! Thank you so much for recent updates.

[jratt85]

I still don't trust that guy.. who's to say what he might decide to do to her for costing him his marriage.. Too many tales of torture and murder have started out that way.

[drstrangelove]

I still don't trust that guy.. who's to say what he might decide to do to her for costing him his marriage.. Too many tales of torture and murder have started out that way.

Wow, that’s intense!

Obviously I have to trust her judgement on that. But based on convo, he admitted he was angry the first year, ut he recognizes his marriage was ending regardless and my wife was just the spark that did it. He said he was much happier now and has a better relationship with his kids. She seemed to think it was truthful as he seemed much happier and lighter.

My best guess here is he just really wants to start fucking her again.

Edit: and I should note, that’s still a prime concern of hers. She is hyper anxious/paranoid and it’s the primary reason she wanted to meet at bar to get a better sense.

It’s just from my perspective, him plotting a long term murder seems very unlikely.

[drstrangelove]

Sorry, one last update.

So my wife is super stressed from work and was up all night finalizing her budget. We had some brief text exchanges as I was upstairs and I asked if she planned to tell anyone about this so she had someone to confide in. She has already thought about it and decided she wants to tell her sister.

Which honestly, is the best possible choice—she’s not judgmental, super sweet, and won’t tell anyone.

But it is a bit weird because we are hosting her family for three days over Christmas and she wants to tell her before she meets F for drinks. I asked if it could wait until she goes to his house, but she didn’t want to wait. So it’ll be a humiliating Christmas with her sister knowing I’m a cuck lol.

And she offered sex in bed, but I could tell she just wanted to sleep. I told her I don’t want her to feel like our sex life is a burden on her—another weight to bear. She is so stressed from holidays that I don’t want my dick to be another problem for her.

I’m also hoping that helps to prove I’m ok giving up some sexual fun with her if she’s adding a new sexual partner.

[whosbeensleeping]

It's sounds like there are many positive turns for you. Hope this turns out to be the opening of a door to a new chapter full of ongoing adventures. Good luck!

[jratt85]

I still don't trust that guy.. who's to say what he might decide to do to her for costing him his marriage.. Too many tales of torture and murder have started out that way.

Wow, that’s intense!

Obviously I have to trust her judgement on that. But based on convo, he admitted he was angry the first year, ut he recognizes his marriage was ending regardless and my wife was just the spark that did it. He said he was much happier now and has a better relationship with his kids. She seemed to think it was truthful as he seemed much happier and lighter.

My best guess here is he just really wants to start fucking her again.

Edit: and I should note, that’s still a prime concern of hers. She is hyper anxious/paranoid and it’s the primary reason she wanted to meet at bar to get a better sense.

It’s just from my perspective, him plotting a long term murder seems very unlikely.

My mom watches all those true crime shows on ID etc so I hear it all the time. It's amazing just how often it happens, and how many murders start from sex issues.

[drstrangelove]

Just a small update, relatively, but I thought I’d add it.

She woke up early this morning really horny (she just got passed her period and we haven’t fooled around in a week or so). We had to get up to deal with kids and I didn’t think I’d cum quickly from sex, so I offered to just give her a quick orgasm with oral. And I did, but I was so turned on I actually came in my boxers like the old days—haven’t done that in about two years lol.

So she clearly knows how into this I am.

[Guhunkadorn]

Yep....they say actions speak louder than words.

I actually find your sister-in-law knowing to be almost as erotically charged as your wife's upcoming encounter and I'm guessing you do as well.

Once again: good luck.

[drstrangelove]

So we had an interesting night.

For starters, I got around to looking at the last few text exchanges between her and F. He noted he likely wouldn’t be able to meet before the new year, so there’s some built in time now before anything happens. He also made a joke that she should remember to delete all her texts this time around so she’s not caught—she replied with a laugh and thanked him for the heads up.

So I realize the precedent is already being set as they’re on a clear path to resume their relationship and he is under the impression she’ll be sneaking around. It’s something her and I will need to discuss before she meets for drinks, but I’m not going to push it now. She’s incredibly stressed with the holidays: gifts and kids; her family coming to visit tomorrow, etc.

So last night my wife decided to watch the Barbie movie again (for the third time) because she loves it. I haven’t seen it, but I joined in the middle and watched for a bit. I made some snickers because the dialogue was fairly forced and patriarchy stuff seemed a bit preachy.

My wife got mad at me and I de-escalated so she could watch solo.

She came upstairs a bit later and we struggled to communicate. I really couldn’t understand why she was so annoyed with me. I tried to listen and be supportive, but she seemed walled up and defensive.

She then initiated intimacy, making out. I told her I had so much fun in the morning giving her head and she noted how quickly I came while doing it. I told her I had even jerked off the night before and she laughed and suggested I do it again.

So I gave her slow, sensual head for about 45 minutes—she was soaked and loved every second. She then cuddled into me naked and we fell asleep.

I woke up early and I realized how poorly I handled the movie. Not only was I belittling something she enjoyed, but I was completely missing the irony of our current dynamic and the messaging of the movie. I wrote her an email, which I’ll copy below. She read it earlier this morning, thanked me for sending it and said she loved me.

**

I want to apologize for my behavior last night regarding the Barbie movie. You were right to be annoyed with me, and in the moment, I missed why you were upset and I feel badly about it now.

I realize that I was unintentionally gaslighting you. And considering the moment we are in, my response was daft and a bit ironic.

This world has been incredibly unfair to women throughout history and I do recognize that. Men have wielded the power professionally and in relationships/family forever and women have largely been powerless to change the dynamic.

When I look at where we are now in our relationship, the bigger picture is not lost on me. For the generations before us, our dynamic would be reversed entirely: millions upon millions of men throughout history have selfishly hidden away mistresses—not just because they could or because it was sexually fun, but because they wanted an escape from work and family life; they wanted an outside adventure to have without concern for their wives.

The truth is it was always the women stuck running the house, kids, etc., but they never had the power for an escape from it because of how our society was structured—and there were a variety of reasons stacked up causing that.

You and I can’t single-handedly change society, but this is your moment to embrace an opportunity so many women before you didn’t have—ironically, you have the power to embrace the Barbie movie.

You enjoyed your relationship with ‘F’ and had fun with him. I’m supportive of you exploring that again in whatever way you want.

And if this journey feels weird to us at all, that’s because of the patriarchal society we live in that the Barbie movie was pointing out.

So this is not about me finding it “kinky”—that just makes it more convenient for us. What it is about is you not feeling guilty about this because you deserve it in all the ways the many men before you didn’t deserve it.

You can escape the stress of your 24/7 life as a mom, wife, and very successful business woman, and go have an adventure—whether it’s flirty texts during the day or visiting him for a few hours, it’s your chance to reset and recharge to continue being the best mom and wife anyone could ask for.

And you have a husband who wants to support you and hold you up; someone who agrees that you deserve this; someone who will remain faithful to you throughout this journey—because he wants to, unlike the generations of women in my shoes before me who had no other choice.

So I laughed at the dialogue during the movie, but I really don’t know why. It’s the perfect movie for us in this moment. If you want to “fight” the patriarchy, this is how you do it: one step at a time; one marriage at a time.

You should feel emboldened and empowered; and you should feel my love and support with each step you take.

I love you so much and I promise to keep getting better at this as we go. I want to be your rock and I apologize for missing the mark last night.

I love you.

[safira]

Doctor, that was excellent.

[ResponsibullCummings]

I think you also missed the mark the other night when you assumed she was only offering sex to you because she was feeling some kind of obligation when she was really too tired and too stressed. The reality is if she offered to have penitrative sex with you she wants it. She is turned on thinking about resuming her affair and wants to be fucked at that moment. It would reduce her stress. By declining you are sending the message that it's not something you enjoy enough with her the accept the offer and maybe you don't find her desirable. In the morning she was clearly still horny so instead of fucking her you give her oral again demonstrating that you aren't that keen on fucking her. No wonder she is wanting to go back to the guy that made her feel wanted and sexy. He is no longer married and he's not privy to the fact she has your blessing. Maybe his goal is to take her away from you because he wants to or just to see if he can to end your marriage like hiscwas ended. Dongive him a leg up by rejecting your sexy wife. If she ever offers to fuck you, give her what she's asking for. She may pose it in a way that she's giving you the choice rather than telling you she wants it because she doesn't want to take the chance of being rejected and have you offer to eat her instead. In a perfect world she would find someone without all the red flags this guy has but clearly he makes her feel wanted and she wants that. Let her know you want her too.

[drstrangelove]

I think you also missed the mark the other night when you assumed she was only offering sex to you because she was feeling some kind of obligation when she was really too tired and too stressed. The reality is if she offered to have penitrative sex with you she wants it. She is turned on thinking about resuming her affair and wants to be fucked at that moment. It would reduce her stress. By declining you are sending the message that it's not something you enjoy enough with her the accept the offer and maybe you don't find her desirable. In the morning she was clearly still horny so instead of fucking her you give her oral again demonstrating that you aren't that keen on fucking her. No wonder she is wanting to go back to the guy that made her feel wanted and sexy. He is no longer married and he's not privy to the fact she has your blessing. Maybe his goal is to take her away from you because he wants to or just to see if he can to end your marriage like hiscwas ended. Dongive him a leg up by rejecting your sexy wife. If she ever offers to fuck you, give her what she's asking for. She may pose it in a way that she's giving you the choice rather than telling you she wants it because she doesn't want to take the chance of being rejected and have you offer to eat her instead. In a perfect world she would find someone without all the red flags this guy has but clearly he makes her feel wanted and she wants that. Let her know you want her too.

A lot of great advice in here, but I will push back on the other night. It was clear she didn’t want to fool around—she had just spent three hours stressed at her computer in an Excel sheet and was exhausted from day. I could tell she felt guilty because she had offered sex earlier in the day. She woke up feeling great and loved the oral.

I agree with the rest though—and we did have sex briefly last night after the 45 min of oral. Things right now are in a really good place.

I need to get through her family visit/Christmas so she can relax again. She’s running around like a crazy person and doesn’t have time for a lot of this right now.

I also recognized how easy the flirty texts were for them the other day—they slipped right back into it effortlessly. And just like affair, they’d sometimes go a week or two with limited interactions and then pick right back up. She can do that easily; I get obsessive about this stuff.

I think it’s fairly clear they’ll pick right up in new year and things will escalate fast—I’m trying not to come on too strong now and mess anything up; but it’s very hard for me.

[FNQLivin]

I am excited and concerned for you. Your wife hid her affair and also prepared her family for ending your relationship by setting you up as being responsible for her having an affair. Now he is single he has no limitations and it was clear, their relationship was far more than sexual.

[drstrangelove]

I am excited and concerned for you. Your wife hid her affair and also prepared her family for ending your relationship by setting you up as being responsible for her having an affair. Now he is single he has no limitations and it was clear, their relationship was far more than sexual.

Well, to clarify, I do believe she was preparing for us to potentially separate early in affair (Dec/Jan), but based on conversations I overheard, it was clear that by March she had resolved to stay married long term with me and let affair continue to run its course. He had made his intentions clear that he wanted it to continue a long time, but she seemed to be living in the moment.

Regardless, I do believe once the affair was well underway, she recognized he was not a longtime partner for her. But it’s messy and all of this was happening in a short time span.

And I grant you, him not wanting to leave his wife made it all a moot point; so now, with him single, I’d be a fool to not see the risk.

Where I’ve landed on that is I can’t find a path for her to do that.

Ultimately, she doesn’t see him as compatible as more than a friend/fuck buddy—their interests and personalities clash. Her and I have a very strong bond, but even more importantly, we both treasure our time with our children, who are ultimately the reason I didn’t walk away.

I’d be completely floored if she willingly walked away from our marriage and lost 50% of her access to kids and threw away our partnership.

But I’m cautious of hubris here—she shocked the hell out of me with the affair, so I recognize I could be misreading all of this. But I’ve also come to far to back out now—this *thing* has been a part of my identity for decades now and I’m at the doorstep of exploring it firsthand. That doesn’t mean I’m willing to throw all caution to the wind, but I am willing to make calculated decisions and bet on likely outcomes.

[FNQLivin]

‘Lose access to 50% of her kids’.

Nice thought and sentiment, but that’s not how these things work. Likely she’d keep the house, the kids and you get to pay half. The reader above me, who suggested you make sure you keep sexually engaged with her is correct. I firmly believe it was your gradual disengagement the last time, coupled with your pushing her to cuckold you that created the environment for her to cheat and, frankly, prepare to leave you.

I remember at the time feeling that you were pushing her away and she did exactly what you wanted her to do, but behind your back. He’s a deeply manipulative person, so don’t be surprised. And she needs to tell him you know. Absolutely non negotiable. Otherwise he thinks she’s fair game.

[FNQLivin]

I’m not saying don’t enjoy it, but remember that relationships break down for all sorts of reasons and people don’t always leave to go to a new one, sometimes they just want to be somewhere else.

[drstrangelove]

‘Lose access to 50% of her kids’.

Nice thought and sentiment, but that’s not how these things work. Likely she’d keep the house, the kids and you get to pay half. The reader above me, who suggested you make sure you keep sexually engaged with her is correct. I firmly believe it was your gradual disengagement the last time, coupled with your pushing her to cuckold you that created the environment for her to cheat and, frankly, prepare to leave you.

I remember at the time feeling that you were pushing her away and she did exactly what you wanted her to do, but behind your back. He’s a deeply manipulative person, so don’t be surprised. And she needs to tell him you know. Absolutely non negotiable. Otherwise he thinks she’s fair game.

Thank you; I appreciate the post and agree about him knowing I think.

I’m still not concerned with her leaving me, but things can change fast and I’ll make sure to be vigilant.