Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

I thought I’d give one more update before the holidays as I’ll likely be tied up the next few days.

We had a good day today—positive vibes. We had a brief text exchange as well and covered a lot—it’d be too long to post here, so I’ll cover the key things.

On the topic of telling F that I’m aware of the relationship, she is currently hesitant. She thinks it will aggravate him because I blew everything up when I found out during affair and now I’m ok with it. She suspects he simply won’t get it. Her current thinking is to take it slow—I can tell she really just wants to get through drinks and see how it goes.

I’m not sure I agree with her, so it’s a topic we’ll revisit after the holidays.

Her current mindset on it all is that she’s intrigued about the potential of the setup and in some ways eager to jump back in bed with him. She thinks it could be a a fun escape, good sex, and will give her lots of validation. It was incredibly hot to see her use the world “eager” on this topic as she has been so measured in her responses usually.

On the other hand, she also has a lot of anxiety about it—she’s coming to terms with the idea of me being ok with it and thinks she’ll be fine communicating with me about what goes down, but she also still feels connected to how it all happened two years ago and is reminded of that horrible time in her life. She’s also still a bit suspicious of him—she’s not worried that he’ll hurt her anymore, but she doesn’t understand why he wants to fuck her and not some girl off Tinder.

I explained, that in his shoes, this is almost certainly what he’s thinking:

1. She’s gorgeous and awesome in bed, so it’s not like he has a lineup of better options on tinder.

2. Groundwork is already laid and he can resume without all the get-to-know you stuff.

3. She’s married, so he doesn’t have to worry about her getting clingy or trying to advance relationship passed fuck-buddy status.

4. He knows her and likes her—they got along well in their alone time together and had fun chemistry sexually/banter.

Honestly, her concerns are largely just her insecurities and those will fade as this moves forward.

She can’t get to the step after drinks in her head right now—it’s a roadblock for her. She can’t tell if she’s going to see him and want to fuck him or want to throw up. But again, to me it just seems like she doesn’t want to get hurt or disappointed with how it goes.

I’d say at this point, drinks are all but a certainty—she seems committed to going and seeing how it feels. My bet is it escalates at drinks honestly—he made the move to feel her leg and kiss her when they had no history in the same situation; so I can’t imagine him not making a move this time around.

At that point, it’ll be up to her how she feels about the physical escalation. I suppose it could go anywhere from there. If I had to bet, it feels likely, but I don’t want to be overly optimistic.

So yea, that’s where we are—nothing is going to happen until at least the week of Jan. 1—and who knows if it even happens that week. I also have a vacation planned with my mom and sister without my wife from Jan. 8-15, so nothing will happen then either. So it could be a bit before the next meaningful update, but as always, I’ll keep this updated with anything that happpens.

[Rogueuser1]

Wow, great updates and what a wild ride for all of you. Hopefully it all goes smoothly and you finally get the cuckolding you have been hoping for all these years rather than the cheating.

[ResponsibullCummings]

If you aren't going to be around the week of January 8-15th and you want to be involved and do a reclaim afterwards, you should probably suggest she wait for the drink until after you get back from your vacation. If the drink goes well things are likely to start quickly seeing there past history and you do want to tempt her to go behind your back again.

[drstrangelove]

Well guys, I’m swimming in the deep end now. I can’t sleep, so I thought I’d start writing this post. It’s the biggest update I’ve ever given and I’ll take my time to capture every detail.

So we decided to start the new Jack Reacher show tonight, but midway through began chatting.

We again briefly discussed telling him if I know or not—her feeling is that it would hurt him if we go back two years later after destroying his marriage like it’s all fun and games. She wants to make him think she is cheating, agreed to handle stress of alibis, and agreed we could always change our mind later (or pretend I found out, but don’t care this time).

Sometimes she does a late dance class with a friend and is out from 8-10 p.m. on a weeknight, so the idea is she could use a second dance class as an alibi for going over his house routinely during week and no one would be suspicious (including our kids). Only downside that occurs to me is she would be restricted on type of apparel she wears lol.

Regardless, I agreed with plan for now.

Now it’s 9 p.m. and she turns to me and says:

“I’d be texting him now. I feel like I should text him.”

We discussed, and basically she said if she was being herself, she’d reach out to him, but didn’t know if she should with me sitting right there.

I was honestly blown away by her transparency. It was so honest. And I told her she should be her authentic self and text him. And she can decide if it’s ok for me to read along.

What proceeded, was a roughly 90 minute text exchange with me reading over her shoulder and us discussing exchanges in realtime.

I have screen grabs of texts, but rather than edit out names, numbers and various locations with paint, I decided to use all this time not sleeping and transcribe it all. This is verbatim, down to grammar:

Wife: “I don’t mean to get into your head” he said (face palm emoji)

F: (big eyes emoji)

W: You got into my head

F: Sorry

W: It’s ok

F: Can forget we had that convo then if better for you

W: No. I’m glad it happened.

W: I meant to be joking. And honestly you got into my head but in a good way

F: As long as it’s a good way. Didn’t mean for it to be a mindfuck

W: it’s not. It meant to be a flirty response. That I was thinking of you

F: (wink emoji)

F: So when you coming over

F: Or are we still doing that drink first

W: We are still doing that drink. Let’s see how that goes before I jump into bed with you

F: Fair

W: Thanks

F: You said M, T, or TH good?

W: I still don’t understand. You can go on tinder. Fuck anyone you want. Why me?!

F: haha ok

F: I don’t do tinder

F: I didn’t really think we’d have this convo again but after saw you at event things changed

W: Got it…

W: And I felt the same way

F: Yea?

W: Why didn’t you think you’d have this convo? You reached out to me?

W: I was waiting to have it

F: Meaning prior to that night I saw you, didn’t really think I’d be here talking to you about this. But then after that night thought a lot about it and decided to reach out

W: I’m glad you did

F: (smile emoji)

W: And yes those days are good

F: Ok good. Will keep you posted

W: Expect 8-15. I have to watch the kids that week

F: What time you get out of work

W: What time do you need me to get out of work?!

W: And I realized I spelled except wrong (sad emoji)

F: hahah I knew what you meant

F: ha ok. It all depends on if I have msg or not that day

W: Oh and I’m not in this week

F: Yea this week is definitely out anyway

W: Ok great

W: ok yea totally fine. We can meet in the new year

W: Give me some dates

W: I can meet at a bar in XX [his town] where the pta isn’t involved or NYCor CT. Your choice of county or state

F: I think we should definitely stay out of XX/XX [our town and his town]

F: And stick to NYC or CT

[Remindee note: During affair, they met at a hotel in Connecticut and his car in a garage while they were both in NYC.]

W: Are you worried?! Do you think someone would really find us in XX [your town]?

F: It’s not like it’s far

F: I just don’t think it’s too smart

W: You are so paranoid (big eyes emoji). So not fun…

F: hahaha I think I have a good reason to be!

W: I’m kidding…and agree

F: Holy shit haha

F: And you know how fun I am and can be (wink emoji)

W: Of course I do

W: Which is why I wanted to do this again

W: What about XX [another neighboring town]. Nobody goes there

F: Mayyybe

W: See I intrigued you…

F: You intrigued in different ways…

W: What ways might those be…

W: Should I try to sneak out the bathroom window again?

W: J/K

[Reminder note as I forgot if I mentioned this back during affair posts: That is a reference to during the affair when he asked if she could meet one night and she said I was sleeping upstairs, but in her drunken haze, thought she would quietly sneak out the bathroom window and he could pick her up—he refused, saying it was way too risky with me home.]

F: Oh my

F: Ha

F: Oh you know the ways

W: Bo I really don’t… (shrug emoji)

F: How you’ve answered the door when I showed up a few times

W: omg (big eyes emoji)

W: It was one time

W: And yes I answered half naked

[Reminder note: That’s a reference to Feb. 24, 2022, hotel stay when I had texted her to sext, she got naked and sent me a pic of herself and then told me she was going to bed. She then changed into lingerie, garter, high heels and answered door for him 15~ minutes later.]

F: Felt like more

F: Tied wrists

F: …those kind of intriguing ways

W: We had sex twice

W: Hmm

F: Huh!?

F: Way more than twice

F: Twice in a room

W: Oh you can’t count that

W: I’m like counting two hotel stays

W: Twice in a room?!

F: The hotel!

W: Like we fucked several times that night

F: And then however many in my car

F: Yeaaa we did. Many ways

W: we had sex once in your car. I might have blown you several times

W: But only once did I crawl into your lap

F: No way

F: More than once

W: No no no

W: [F] we fucked once in your car because I realized I could crawl over and fuck you

W: And the other times I gave you head

F: Alright fine. Felt like many more times

W: I’m glad you agree (straight face emoji)

W: And it could very well be more times if drinks go well…

F: That’s the plan

F: And would be nice

W: Yes, could be nice to be handcuffed again (thinking face emoji)

F: Yes it could

W: Ummm now that I’ve spelled out all the plans. Let me know when you’d like to get drinks

F: Obviously

W: Sorry I realized I’ve asked you that…this just all feels like Deja vu

F: ha like old times

W: Like old times. Just maybe better??

F: Will definitely be better

W: I’ll say good night. And hope it will be better. We have big shoes to fill…

F: I think we’ll be just fine

**

It’s now 10:30~ p.m. I had been quietly stroking my dick entire time and even pulled it out at one point, but I think that rattled her so I put it away. I could tell she was happy I was turned on rather than mad at anything she wrote, but it also was a bit weird for her.

Honestly, the text convo was surreal to experience. I could not believe how effortless she appeared and how sexually forward she was acting (I’ve never had a woman write like that to me, including my own wife lol).

She explained it as feeling totally familiar. She had been doing this flirty banter most nights during the affair, but I had never seen those convos—this was old news for her and completely new territory for me.

We then went upstairs. My head was spinning and I knew I needed to cum. I asked what she wanted and offered head. She told me she wanted her vibrator and went to get it. I asked if the vibrstor was really better than my tongue and she replied: “nothing is better than a vibrstor.”

I said: “even F? Is it vibrator, F, then me?”

Her: “Yea.”

Sadly, her vibrator had no charge left, so she wandered the room looking for plug as I watched, naked and rock hard. She was wearing a cutoff t-shirt with stomach exposed, no bra, and a fancy thong.

She finally turned off light and crawled into bed with me. She curled up to me, gently kissing me and started stroking me.

I thought this was an opportunity to push my luck and see if dirty talk was on the table, so I whispered; “what are you going to do to him?”

She softly replied: “Make out with him like this until he gets hard, but instead of my hand, I’m going to put his cock down my throat.”

It was a struggle not to cum, but I didn’t want moment to end.

Me: He’s going to want to reclaim you, babe. Are you going to let him fuck your pussy too.

Her: Of course

Me: What if he wants your ass again?

Her: Maybe.

Me: Will he get you doggysyyle?

Her: Yes, babe. That’s his favorite.

Me: I’m going to cum soon. Are you going to swallow?

Her: You’re going to cum on your chest.

Me: Are you going to swallow his cum again?

Her: Of course.

And I came one of the biggest loads of my life all over myself. I was dazed and my head was spinning—complete overload. I cleaned up and we were both smiling ear to ear—she even went back and re-read some of her convo with him smiling as she did.

She then fell asleep in moments—she has an uncanny ability to fall asleep in less than a minute—I’m very much the opposite. It was roughly 11:30 p.m. and I was wired—I tossed and turned for an hour, a mixture of anxiety, excitement and dread.

It’s been clear to me for a few days they were going to fuck, but now it was locked in a way that wouldn’t allow my brain to dismiss it. And it’s not just a one time fling; it’s clear this will be an ongoing affair.

For anyone who hasn’t experienced this moment. It’s hard to describe how emotionally destabilizing it is—it’s decidedly not a good feeling. I was flooded with second thoughts and abject terror.

By 12:30 a.m. the thoughts turned sexual again and my mind raced with all the cuck boxes I could check off my fantasy bucket list. I started stroking and came again in about 30 seconds. So for anyone who tells you sex isn’t all mental, they’re selling something lol.

I then tossed and turned again for a few hours; mostly dread again. I briefly began writing this post on my phone in bed, but I was too tired to transcribe all the texts. I ended up falling asleep for a couple hours and then waking up and writing again.

So here we are. I can’t fathom how long this post is, but I imagine for those of you who have stuck around all these years to read this weird blog, this is what you have been waiting for.

I have a laundry list of things to talk to my wife about when she wakes up—I’ve spent all this time worried about her emotional state, but last night I realized I’m the one we’re going to need to pay attention to. This isn’t going to be easy, but I’ve determined there are no brakes on this train. I don’t care how I feel or what happens next, I’m resolved to not stop where this is going.

A part of me wonders if I’m in a potential lose-lose situation. If I stopped things now, I’d regret it the rest of my life. If I don’t stop things and this goes bad in the myriad of ways it can, I’ll regret this exact moment the rest of my life too.

My decision for now is to press on. And thank you to everyone taking this journey with me. Writing here has been of tremendous benefit to my mental health.

[Aureus]

Maybe get her a butt plug to wear for her date.

[US31]

You’re telling it well. She’s right back in to the flirt! That was fun to read. I’ve been there several years ago.

[drstrangelove]

Maybe get her a butt plug to wear for her date.

LOL I love that this is the first post after that update.

FWIW, she won’t be using a butt plug anytime soon, but I do think she’ll end up blowing him in his car when they go for drinks at this point. She thinks I’m crazy, but after seeing those texts I’m certain he’s absolutely going to push for something and I know she won’t say no.

[Rogueuser1]

Sorry to be lazy and ask because I think you may have answered this but: did he take her anal virginity?

How many times have you had anal with her total? Since the affair?
When did she last swallow your cum?

[drstrangelove]

Sorry to be lazy and ask because I think you may have answered this but: did he take her anal virginity?

How many times have you had anal with her total? Since the affair?
When did she last swallow your cum?

I don’t know her entire anal sex history, but we did it twice when we first met in 2005-2006. I don’t know if that was the first time, but she didn’t do it again until Feb. 24, 2022 with F in the hotel room.

Then, right after I discovered the affair, she felt incredibly guilty and we went through the hysterical bonding phase and tried it briefly then. She really didn’t enjoy it, so we didn’t go to completion.

Her thoughts on it were that I’m larger than F, so it’s more painful for her. With him, she told him to do it at a point where he was close to finishing already, so combined with his smaller size, it wasn’t too big of a deal for her.

Anal clearly isn’t something she enjoys, but I get the sense that because of her great sexual chemistry with F, it’s something she would agree to do with him again in right situation. But she has been very clear that she won’t do it with me again.

As for swallowing, again, she did it for me when we first met a few times when she was really horny, but then became a full time spitter soon after. That lasted a decade.

Then on January 18, 2022, when she first met F in his car, she blew him and swallowed. Later on, her reasoning to me was she had no choice because she was in a car and had no where to spit it (open the door? lol).

Then two days later (maybe?), she shocked the hell out of me and swallowed my cum for the first time in more than 10 years—you can probably go back in this thread and find my post on it. I think it was one of the red flags discussed about her possibly cheating, but I don’t recall without looking back myself.

She began doing it with me during the affair and continued it during the hysterical bonding in the months that passed as we tired to repair marriage.

With F, she swallowed often, even during sex when he would swap to her mouth from fucking her. She would do the same for me, and it was the single hottest sexual experience (me pulling out during sex and putting it in her mouth and seeing her swallow every drop).

Then, gradually, months after affair, it began to change a bit. No more pussy-to-mouth transitions and if it was a BJ, she’d take first blast in mouth and then let rest cum on my chest. Lately now, she won’t even swallow first blast, she’ll spit any that makes it in her mouth, but most goes on my chest. And even more to the point, she’s now more likely to simply finish me with a HJ so none gets in her mouth (and HJ is easier than a BJ).

So I don’t recall the last time she swallowed my full load and didn’t go running to bathroom—it’s probably been a year or so—but again, it’s been a gradual change over time, not all or nothing.

**

I was going to make a separate post on this, but it’s connected to what I just wrote, so I’ll put it here. We had a talk tonight that started well and ended poorly.

I’m still feeling a bit insecure and destabilized over all of this, so I suppose I’m still looking for some assurances from her. One thing she really hasn’t vocalized clearly is why she’s interested in doing this—it’s largely just been labeled escapism, but any effort I made to dig deeper was deflected with her telling me: “nothing has even happened yet; let’s take one step at a time and see how drinks go.”

But for me, that’s not good enough—I want to feel comfortable with all of this before drinks. So I pushed a bit this time when she deflected and asked for a honest answer.

She responded: “because I can be in a room with ‘F’ and not have to think—we can just fuck. Sex is so easy with him.”

To which I nodded and noted: “but sex with us isn’t easy.”

And she said: “exactly—you’re always in your head, which puts me in my head—and I just sometimes want to not have to think about anything and just fuck. With ‘F’ I can just have a good time and escape from everything else for a bit.”

And that rings true for sure—sex between us is rarely light and easy. One of us is always feeling like the other isn’t happy, etc. And it’s obviously more my fault than hers—no question about it.

So in the moment, hearing that seemed like the best possible justification for doing this—she wanted easy, no strings attached fucking and F was the perfect person to give it to her—and more importantly for her, she already knew he could give it to her and wouldn’t have to find a new guy to test chemistry. And she noted that me being ok with it just made it all intriguing to the point where in Oct. she started to think of it as an actual possibility.

Then once they sexted last night and both agreed they felt the same when they saw each other and wanted to resume their relationship, she began to get excited. Her and F were on the same page and wanted to start fucking again and her husband was giving her a greenlight. So she went from guarded to not thinking something like this would ever happen to excited really quickly. And she woke up this morning feeling great about everything.

So that all makes sense and seems to be great news. However, I think it hurt me a bit and I tried to explain why to my wife.

There’s a paradox for me: I am very turned on by the idea that I’m a bad lover and that she needs to go find a real man to give her a good fuck; but that’s still not real to me—if you hooked me up to a lie detector test and asked if I was a good lover, I’d tell you I am. I’m good looking, muscular, big dick, stamina for days, etc. In my heart, I see myself as the “real man” playing the role of the beta loser.

However, now all evidence is to the contrary. Quite literally, my wife is telling me F is better in bed and she craves routine sex with him to satisfy her sexual desires. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m enough for her while she’s actively telling me I’m not.

This probably sounds stupid to anyone reading considering how inept I seem sexually, but it just never has fully registered with me. And it’s obviously on me to accept the reality here and stop pretending I’m something I’m not—I understand that fully—but it’s also important that I feel my wife loves and respects me as her husband and father of her children. I need to be the best man I can be for her and them regardless of my sexual prowess.

So after bearing this all to my wife, I suppose I was fishing for some empathy, compassion and love. Instead she responded: “That’s really heavy and I think we should go get some sleep.”

It really upset me, but I didn’t want to create an argument. She then literally fell asleep in less than 30 seconds (shocks me every time she does it…).

This was a few hours ago and her response made me want to cry, but now I’m up in bed writing this and laughing because it’s so silly. It’s all on me to readjust my residual image—I’m the beta cuck I always wanted to be and I need to accept it. I hope for my mental heath, I’m able to do that quickly.

And to pull this all full circle, she’s going to do anal, swallow, reverse cowgirl, etc. with F because she’ll be lost in the moment having fun. She won’t be thinking, she’ll just be doing what feels good and what she thinks will feel good for him. She rarely can do that with me, so she’s always taken out of the moment—it’s less appealing to swallow a load if you’re not aroused, but in her time with F, she was always soaking wet and chaining orgasms, so she just lets loose.

[ResponsibullCummings]

It makes sense to anyone that followed your story from the beginning. You were purposely not satisfying her to encourage her to find someone else to cuck you with. It worked so well she had an affair behind your back. It appears if you didn't discover her affair she would have continued because sex was fun with him. You get off by having her deny you and cumming while eating her pussy. She is getting off from that and has been craving sex with someone that wants to fuck her and make her feel desirable. Maybe try making it a competition with him when they start fucking again. Stop settlling for hand jobs and coming from giving her oral sex and fuck her good so you reclaim her. It will makes things much easier on both of you. Push back a little if she goes into denial and hand job mode and give her a reason to stop thinking.

[FNQLivin]

RC, well said.

I love the story, it ticks all my cuck boxes, but I really want this to have a happy ending (and not in a sexual sense). There are a few posts here where I am invested (totally ridiculous I know) in their story and all I want is for it to be good. By not telling him, he will think she’s unhappy and available.

[drstrangelove]

It makes sense to anyone that followed your story from the beginning. You were purposely not satisfying her to encourage her to find someone else to cuck you with. It worked so well she had an affair behind your back. It appears if you didn't discover her affair she would have continued because sex was fun with him. You get off by having her deny you and cumming while eating her pussy. She is getting off from that and has been craving sex with someone that wants to fuck her and make her feel desirable. Maybe try making it a competition with him when they start fucking again. Stop settlling for hand jobs and coming from giving her oral sex and fuck her good so you reclaim her. It will makes things much easier on both of you. Push back a little if she goes into denial and hand job mode and give her a reason to stop thinking.

I suspect one thing that may be disingenuous about my posts is that I don’t share everything—and the things I don’t share tend to be the non-cuck stuff. There are a variety of reasons, including time, but perhaps at various times I’ve liked to paint the picture to you all of me only being the beta cuck. I suspect it’s unconscious on my part.

The truth is most of our sexual interactions these last two years have been regular sex—frequency dropped from the madness of the hysterical bonding phase, but even recently we have been fucking a few times a week. I tend not to write about those, but I’ll highlight the less frequent HJ and cuck stuff because that’s why we are all here.

The bottom line is I’m driving the cuck stuff with my wife either directly or passively. Her participation when she leans in is solely because she knows I like it. I absolutely could have fucked her last night instead of being “forced” to only get a HJ. But the idea of her only being willing to give me a HJ turns me on, so we run with it.

Regardless though, our sex isn’t mind-blowing usually—sometimes it is, but it’s been less and less frequent. It feels to me often that she’s just going through the motions, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself; I hate the feeling of an unenthusiastic sex partner.

I think the irony though is she is enjoying herself—but when I get self-conscious about if she is enjoying herself, she feels that and gets self-conscious about herself, taking her further out of the moment.

So yes, I can fuck her silly as soon as she wakes up—and I think I should lol—but there’s still no denying her chemistry was better with F. They have none of the baggage that we do—no extra crap to bring in from our past or present to cloud a fun sexual experience. With F, she can feel totally liberated and only be in the moment. With me, that can happen, but it certainly won’t always happen.

[drstrangelove]

RC, well said.

I love the story, it ticks all my cuck boxes, but I really want this to have a happy ending (and not in a sexual sense). There are a few posts here where I am invested (totally ridiculous I know) in their story and all I want is for it to be good. By not telling him, he will think she’s unhappy and available.

FNQ, I appreciate your concern. You’ve been a vocal critic the last couple of years of many of my choices and I want you to know I appreciate those posts—I take nothing here personally.

As for the issue of not telling him, I honestly don’t care what he thinks. He could try to steal her regardless of what he knows I know. I do agree with you it would be preferable (would make it easier to get vids too lol), but ultimately this is entirely about trust in my wife.

I’ve discussed this with her and I told her I won’t be the one calling it quits to this. So if she finds herself feeling negative about me or disconnecting from me, it’s on her to recognize those feelings might not be real and take a break from F. I have to trust her to maintain her love for me and our family while making it clear to F that she wants nothing to do with him beyond a fuck buddy.

And believe me, I recognize based on who my wife has proven herself to be, it’s perhaps a naive hope on my end. But I think it’s equally naive for me to think holding an iron grip on this chess board is going to yield a positive outcome. I need to let the chips fall where they may and intervene only when critical.

[FNQLivin]

I hope you don’t think of me as a vocal critic. I just want things to be good for you.

[drstrangelove]

I hope you don’t think of me as a vocal critic. I just want things to be good for you.

I think both can be true! So don’t change a thing—both confirmations and criticisms are useful.

[drstrangelove]

So I did what I wrote I’d do last night—as both woke up early (before 6 a.m.) and we cuddled and rested.

At some point I initiated, gently rubbing her breasts and stomach, with her eventually pulling down her pants. I worked my way down and spent about five minutes giving her very tender oral sex. She then asked for sex so I moved up and we began missionary.

Interestingly, my dick wasn’t fully hard—not something that typically happens to me, but clearly the result of jerking off three times the day before lol.

I got fully hard during sex and I gradually picked up the pace and moved closer to her. She wrapped her arms and legs and around me tightly and had an orgasm—I came a few seconds afterward.

We then cuddled for a couple more hours and we noted how easy and natural that sexual experience was—and she noted the cuddles were event better and what she needed. She fell back asleep on my chest and I let my mind wander.

We just finished a talk as well. I’ve adjusted my feelings a bit from last night—I think what I was discounting after she told me about her desire to have fun, easy sex with F, is that as her husband, we will never have 100% stress-free easy sex all the time. There is too much baggage in our life with work, kids, finances and family—all of that compounds with us around each other 24/7 and we bring that into the bedroom. That is all missing with F—as she said, if she’s in a room with him, it’s so they can fuck. Period. There is no complicating factor and nothing for her to think about.

The other point here is about her clear Madonna complex, which I’m sure I discussed back after the affair. She doesn’t want her husband to treat her like a sex-object, even though she’s very turned on by the feeling of being a sex-object. I can’t fill the role of having rough sex and using her like my whore because anytime I do, she feels bad about herself. If she’s with someone else—including F—she can set her mind free to enjoy that, she doesn’t care if he thinks of her as a whore because she’s getting what she wants out of the experience and then leaving—she doesn’t have to look at him across a dinner table or cuddle on a couch. Again, as she has said—he is there to fuck.

After I worked some of this out writing on my own and on here last night, I wrote her a short email before trying to sleep. It was supportive and I planted the seed of her possibly reaching out to him after Christmas and skipping drinks and going to his house. I feel like we both have a lot of anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop now that it’s been made clear by both of them that they want to have sex—drinks are likely superfluous at this point.

With my trip to Italy upcoming, I’d love for them to see each other this week so I then have a couple of weeks—some of it without her around as well—to just process what happened. Getting on that plane before it happens would be brutal.

Her instinct is she still likes the idea of drinks for her own comfort, but I’ve planted the seed that I’d be ok with her skipping g that step. I’d say it’s 50-50 odds what she does, but I can see a scenario where she’s sitting around on Tuesday, her family is gone and stress of Christmas behind us, and she reaches out with a flirty text.

It seems her not doing that would be less about skipping the drinks and more about her concern she could come off too needy and obsessive if she is the one that keeps initiating.

I told her guys never think girls are needy about sex, but we almost always think they’re needy about everything else. It’s not that she needs to dial back in reaching out to fuck him, but she’d be wise to give him space afterward and not bombard him with texts on other topics (how are your kids; I’m stuck doing laundry; my boss is the worst, etc). She’ll need to direct that stuff at me instead and he won’t think she’s needy.

[Bomerang43]

You wanted to happen this for a long time. Good luck! Enjoy and be careful since he is single now

[drstrangelove]

You wanted to happen this for a long time. Good luck! Enjoy and be careful since he is single now

Thank you!

I think I’m as ready as I’ll be and I understand better what’s going on her mind. She wants to go have carefree sex where she can be a whore, but she can’t do that with me—even if I wanted to be that for her, she doesn’t want that with her husband.

F is going to be her opportunity to dress up and push sexual boundaries and then simply come home to her family—she doesn’t care if he fucks her throat because she won’t have to cuddle with him on the couch or share a meal with him. It’s perhaps as simple as having her cake and eating it too—she recognizes she can explore her sexual deviances safely in all the ways she wants and still return to her husband and father of her kids who will love and respect her.

It’s crystal clear to me that’s the main point here now.

So it’s fairly simple on my end—I have to be ok with that. And I think my rationale is that I am jealous that Frank gets to have that type of sex with her, but I’m hoping I can counter act losing out on that with getting to explore all my cuckold fantasies. And it’s not as though if I wasn’t a cuck that I’d get to fuck her like a whore—so really this is simply a win-win-win: She gets to experience both sides of sex (romance and passion); I get to explore my cuck kinks; Frank gets to have kinky sex with a married woman who wants to be his whore.

As long as I can frame it that I’m not losing anything, I think I’ll be ok. I’m going to need my wife to keep giving me assurances along the way to keep my emotions in check, but I feel like I’m ready for the next step.

No idea if I’ll have many more things to update over Christmas, but I’m sure I’ll have something by Tuesday or Wednesday.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

[jratt85]

lies are never a part of a healthy relationship, even if it's just for fuckbuddies.. once he finds out she's been lying to him.. he's going to be furious and it's going to hurt her even more and destroy her trust. Watch what Caitlin V says about having an open relationship, she's a sex coach/therapist. https://www.youtube.com/@CaitlinV/searc ... ationships

[drstrangelove]

lies are never a part of a healthy relationship, even if it's just for fuckbuddies.. once he finds out she's been lying to him.. he's going to be furious and it's going to hurt her even more and destroy her trust. Watch what Caitlin V says about having an open relationship, she's a sex coach/therapist. https://www.youtube.com/@CaitlinV/searc ... ationships

I agree. I think right now it’s a don’t ask, don’t tell situation. I went back and read some of his earlier texts and he phrased things very specifically, suggesting she delete his texts if she still needs to, etc. He’s made a few remarks, including on call, indicating he’s avoiding asking what her status is right now.

I think a compromise might be exactly what you said—she can say it’s an open relationship; don’t ask, don’t tell. She thinks he will be fine with that and won’t think anything more of it—she just wants to avoid diving into my kink with him when she doesn’t think he cares.

[drstrangelove]

Anyone already in this life style have advice for relaxing your mind? My head has been spinning for days and I’m not getting much sleep. I’m so analytical and there is so much new information coming in—I am scrutinizing everything constantly.

I keep going back to the text exchange they had the other day and wondering if she would have simply cheated again with him if I wasn’t into it. Or if I’m being foolish going along for this ride—I have this incredibly hot wife and wonderful family and I could be lighting my life on fire. And I also wonder if I could really stop it at this point anymore—seeing those texts in real time dissuaded any allusion of this being about me at all.

Granted, I didn’t want her to do this for me, but it sure seems like I’m not even a part of the equation. They both want to fuck again and since nothing is stopping them it’s going to happen—it seems that simple.

But then the answer to all these problems is the same. So what? The answer is to just take the ride and what will be will be. But relaxing my mind to do that has been impossible. I can’t imagine another week of this, so any advice would be lovely.

[ResponsibullCummings]

It seems you want to be a part of it and it's going to happen so stop trying to push it. Trust your wife if she wants to meet for drinks first and take it slow. You know if drinks go well she's probably blowing him in his car at the very least. Slow it down and take the time to be in bed having sex with her discussing what she's going to do so that you are included and she's sure you can handle what's about to happen. For this to not blow up your marriage she both need to be getting what you need out of this so make sure she understands your needs up front. It just seems bad that you want to have it start before you leave for a week vacation without her. If your head is spinning so much now how are you supposed to handle being away from her when she's going through NRE again with him?

In summary stop,planting seeds. Let her drive and make sure you are in the car while she is driving. Make reclaiming a priority so you don't feel left out. Explain to her why that's important and how important your marriage is to you.

[US31]

Quit masturbating!! Tease and denial will drive you through!
As soon as I cum, I get cold feet. My wife learned that about me after her first affair.
So the next guy, she got me all worked up one night, then told me her ex boyfriend had called. Of course I instantly got rock hard. She stroked me and manipulated my nipples until I was about to explode!
Then she made me beg her to fuck him…and told me to be sure..because once she told him yes…she would absolutely NOT back out!!!

[drstrangelove]

It seems you want to be a part of it and it's going to happen so stop trying to push it. Trust your wife if she wants to meet for drinks first and take it slow. You know if drinks go well she's probably blowing him in his car at the very least. Slow it down and take the time to be in bed having sex with her discussing what she's going to do so that you are included and she's sure you can handle what's about to happen. For this to not blow up your marriage she both need to be getting what you need out of this so make sure she understands your needs up front. It just seems bad that you want to have it start before you leave for a week vacation without her. If your head is spinning so much now how are you supposed to handle being away from her when she's going through NRE again with him?

In summary stop,planting seeds. Let her drive and make sure you are in the car while she is driving. Make reclaiming a priority so you don't feel left out. Explain to her why that's important and how important your marriage is to you.

Totally sensible post and I appreciate it.

I think I recognized my issue while reading your post—because right now she doesn’t really want to talk about it, it’s leaving me isolated to write (mostly here). She keeps saying things like “nothing has even happened yet!” And wants me to just take it step by step. But in my mind, *so* much has already happened.

On one hand, it worries me because I know I’m going to need more attention from her for me to manage this mentally and emotionally; on the other hand, this all broke several hours before her entire family arrived and we’ve been hosting a dozen people in and out of our house the last two days—it’s totally reasonable that she doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with any of this right now.

But I was shook by her reversal this week. She played it coy for months after she saw him at the event—then once he affirmed he was happy to see her, she made it clear that’s exactly how she has felt. She was afraid to admit that to me because she was protecting her ego if it didn’t turn out he felt the same.

Ultimately, it makes me feel like as transparent as she has been, she’s still hiding emotions and thoughts from me on this topic. She’s driving the car, but perhaps I feel like I’m in the backseat instead of through passenger seat.

And I think your point about not rushing past drinks is very fair—clearly selfish of me. She should go at the pace she wants. I won’t lead with suggestions anymore; I’ll let her lead.

I’m interested in how she feels tomorrow once Christmas is over and her kid can relax.

FWIW, we had sex again this morning and it was great. That’s another thing messing with my head—things are so good between us now I feel like I’m going to mess it all up.

Again, thank you for the post.

[residueS]

It seems you want to be a part of it and it's going to happen so stop trying to push it. Trust your wife if she wants to meet for drinks first and take it slow. You know if drinks go well she's probably blowing him in his car at the very least. Slow it down and take the time to be in bed having sex with her discussing what she's going to do so that you are included and she's sure you can handle what's about to happen. For this to not blow up your marriage she both need to be getting what you need out of this so make sure she understands your needs up front. It just seems bad that you want to have it start before you leave for a week vacation without her. If your head is spinning so much now how are you supposed to handle being away from her when she's going through NRE again with him?

In summary stop,planting seeds. Let her drive and make sure you are in the car while she is driving. Make reclaiming a priority so you don't feel left out. Explain to her why that's important and how important your marriage is to you.

Totally sensible post and I appreciate it.

I think I recognized my issue while reading your post—because right now she doesn’t really want to talk about it, it’s leaving me isolated to write (mostly here). She keeps saying things like “nothing has even happened yet!” And wants me to just take it step by step. But in my mind, *so* much has already happened.

On one hand, it worries me because I know I’m going to need more attention from her for me to manage this mentally and emotionally; on the other hand, this all broke several hours before her entire family arrived and we’ve been hosting a dozen people in and out of our house the last two days—it’s totally reasonable that she doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with any of this right now.

But I was shook by her reversal this week. She played it coy for months after she saw him at the event—then once he affirmed he was happy to see her, she made it clear that’s exactly how she has felt. She was afraid to admit that to me because she was protecting her ego if it didn’t turn out he felt the same.

Ultimately, it makes me feel like as transparent as she has been, she’s still hiding emotions and thoughts from me on this topic. She’s driving the car, but perhaps I feel like I’m in the backseat instead of through passenger seat.

And I think your point about not rushing past drinks is very fair—clearly selfish of me. She should go at the pace she wants. I won’t lead with suggestions anymore; I’ll let her lead.

I’m interested in how she feels tomorrow once Christmas is over and her kid can relax.

FWIW, we had sex again this morning and it was great. That’s another thing messing with my head—things are so good between us now I feel like I’m going to mess it all up.

Again, thank you for the post.

I felt at this point, you really need to get some more sleep and have a clear mind. We do weird things when not having enough sleep. Also, I don’t think she really hide anything, from your description she is not a confident person at all. Usually, non confident person will have a greater reaction to his or her environment. She is very likely think about this thing very differently just because how he behaves. I think what you described appears to be aligned the analysis well. Get some sleeping pill, don’t think too much.