Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

Quit masturbating!! Tease and denial will drive you through!
As soon as I cum, I get cold feet. My wife learned that about me after her first affair.
So the next guy, she got me all worked up one night, then told me her ex boyfriend had called. Of course I instantly got rock hard. She stroked me and manipulated my nipples until I was about to explode!
Then she made me beg her to fuck him…and told me to be sure..because once she told him yes…she would absolutely NOT back out!!!

Yea I need to stop having orgasms—another this morning during sex and my dick has been aching. I’m just constantly thinking about the situation, so anytime my dick is capable of getting hard, I'm cumming. I’m going to hold off until at least tomorrow night and only do anything then if wife wants to play.

[drstrangelove]

It seems you want to be a part of it and it's going to happen so stop trying to push it. Trust your wife if she wants to meet for drinks first and take it slow. You know if drinks go well she's probably blowing him in his car at the very least. Slow it down and take the time to be in bed having sex with her discussing what she's going to do so that you are included and she's sure you can handle what's about to happen. For this to not blow up your marriage she both need to be getting what you need out of this so make sure she understands your needs up front. It just seems bad that you want to have it start before you leave for a week vacation without her. If your head is spinning so much now how are you supposed to handle being away from her when she's going through NRE again with him?

In summary stop,planting seeds. Let her drive and make sure you are in the car while she is driving. Make reclaiming a priority so you don't feel left out. Explain to her why that's important and how important your marriage is to you.

Totally sensible post and I appreciate it.

I think I recognized my issue while reading your post—because right now she doesn’t really want to talk about it, it’s leaving me isolated to write (mostly here). She keeps saying things like “nothing has even happened yet!” And wants me to just take it step by step. But in my mind, *so* much has already happened.

On one hand, it worries me because I know I’m going to need more attention from her for me to manage this mentally and emotionally; on the other hand, this all broke several hours before her entire family arrived and we’ve been hosting a dozen people in and out of our house the last two days—it’s totally reasonable that she doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with any of this right now.

But I was shook by her reversal this week. She played it coy for months after she saw him at the event—then once he affirmed he was happy to see her, she made it clear that’s exactly how she has felt. She was afraid to admit that to me because she was protecting her ego if it didn’t turn out he felt the same.

Ultimately, it makes me feel like as transparent as she has been, she’s still hiding emotions and thoughts from me on this topic. She’s driving the car, but perhaps I feel like I’m in the backseat instead of through passenger seat.

And I think your point about not rushing past drinks is very fair—clearly selfish of me. She should go at the pace she wants. I won’t lead with suggestions anymore; I’ll let her lead.

I’m interested in how she feels tomorrow once Christmas is over and her kid can relax.

FWIW, we had sex again this morning and it was great. That’s another thing messing with my head—things are so good between us now I feel like I’m going to mess it all up.

Again, thank you for the post.

I felt at this point, you really need to get some more sleep and have a clear mind. We do weird things when not having enough sleep. Also, I don’t think she really hide anything, from your description she is not a confident person at all. Usually, non confident person will have a greater reaction to his or her environment. She is very likely think about this thing very differently just because how he behaves. I think what you described appears to be aligned the analysis well. Get some sleeping pill, don’t think too much.

Thanks, I’ve been using meletonin and magnesium last few nights, but even when I fall asleep, I wake up a bit later and my mind begins racing. I 100% need more sleep. Hopefully my mind starts to settle a bit.

The stress right now is through the roof—I’m hosting Christmas Eve and Christmas and doing most of the cooking and I feel like a zombie. Going to try to nap now for a bit before people come back over.

[drstrangelove]

Didn’t think I’d have another update, but i thought I’d write a brief one now that we have closed the door on hosting Christmas for our families. It was a whirlwind and I’m looking forward to resetting and getting back into a rhythm.

I wasn’t anticipating any further discussions on the F topic with my wife until at least tomorrow, but shortly after the kids were asleep, she engaged with me on it.

She wanted to express how deeply affected she was by my concern that F could steal her away. Initially she just dismissed it as absurd, but quickly it hit her and she began to empathize how I might feel. She knows she has no interest in F as a life partner, but she also understands nothing she could say would provide me with equal certainty as she has.

She did her best to reassure me and told me about her thought process on the topic. Initially she worried that doubt in my mind would be difficult to navigate, but she thinks she can do a better job on the assurances front and resolved to feel good about moving forward with exploring a relationship with F.

Her second topic was a response to me after I raised the possibility of her not getting drinks and just going to his apartment.

She thought it through a lot and to her the drinks aren’t what is relevant—she just wants to know how she’ll feel when she sees him now that sex is on the table. She thought drinks was a safe way for her to make that initial assessment, but upon reflection felt she could do the same at his apartment—go there without intention of hooking up and just chatting instead (I don’t buy that would happen, but I understand her point).

I confirmed that I’m supportive of any choice she makes on this topic and she let me know she’d navigate it during the next text exchange they have. She’s less concerned about where they meet and focused on how she’ll feel about him when she meets. And that’s a complicated topic for her and I can tell she doesn’t want to get too far ahead of herself—she understands how quickly things advanced in my mind on Thursday, but in her mind, it’s still not real yet.

I then raised two things on my mind, largely from this thread. First I revisited the topic of what she’s going to tell F about me—even though we left it as her not talking about me, I really wanted to understand more specifically what that meant—would she tell him she’s cheating? Would she tell him our marriage is in the dumps to sell it?

She said she planned to dismiss it ASAP by saying that we have reached agreement that I won’t ask her where she is and what she is doing. That’s a big difference from what she seemed to be proposing a few days ago and I’m more comfortable with this as it will prevent her from needing to actively lie and create alibis. She also likes that it won’t lock her into only meeting on certain days and times—I.e. she could visit him on a Saturday afternoon if she wants, etc.

I suspect she really hadn’t nailed it down and it was an active thought process in her mind this past weeks, so I’m glad we arrived at a mutual understanding. Still not ideal perhaps, but I’m willing to go with it.

Then the second topic was on each of our expectations following her first meet with him, something she hasn’t been willing to discuss. We were lock-step in our exceptions. We both want to lie in bed and hold each other upon her return—I want her to feel safe in my arms and able to exhale. And then as she relaxes, she will open up about the details I’m looking for. Essentially, the first time will be more emotionally focused than kink/sexual focused and we both agree on that. We need to be empathetic with each other. And then after future meets, we can adjust our expectations for what we want.

So that’s about it. Overall, my sense is that she really thinks this is going to happen. I’m routinely taken aback by how direct she is on that—so many comments I make she’s responding through with the context that she will soon be in a casual sexual relationship with F—she’s not balking at it ever. In her mind, it seems like she’s expecting to have set up a routine with him over the next several weeks. And that’s in clear contrast to her initial concerns over how she’ll feel when she sees him—which is why I think that’s largely posturing on her part.

Anyway, I hope you all had an enjoyable holiday and I’ll keep the updates coming as long as I find them noteworthy. The next big update will come when they text again—I still sense there might be a bit of a game going on regarding which one of them texts first next as I’m sure she would prefer he be the one to reach out; and reach out soon.

[Redwine]

Hello Doctor

I have followed your threads both on OHW and others for a few years now and you have certainly electrified this forum with anticipation of the next stage of your and your wife’s adventure.

For what it is worth please do not overthink of the many scenarios of “what if may occur” and enjoy the coming days will bring.

Regards

Redwine

[jratt85]

any interesting/sexy presents this year? Personally I would've gotten her a new huge dildo or a special vibrator and something sexy to wear.. maybe like a leather bondage harness or something with a set of nipple nooses, maybe one of those jeweled buttplugs. (at least that's my dream Xmas with a woman that loves me.. someday)

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Redwine.

[elina]

Dear drstrangelove

Thank you for this very encouraging and important update.

First, It is very good to see that your Wife now emphathically understands that you are genuine in your concerns about loosing Her,
and willing to actively try to navigate you through those emotions.

Second, It is very good to see that She will not tell lies about your relationship. Telling her Lover that you have and agreement that you are not to ask where She is and what She is doing is so much better also since it opens the path for Her to later inform Her lover that you are a willing cuck.

And third, I am very pleased to see that She seems determined to go through with this.

I wish you a wonderful ride forward and hope you will keep us posted.

Sincerely
elina

[drstrangelove]

Hello Doctor

I have followed your threads both on OHW and others for a few years now and you have certainly electrified this forum with anticipation of the next stage of your and your wife’s adventure.

For what it is worth please do not overthink of the many scenarios of “what if may occur” and enjoy the coming days will bring.

Regards

Redwine

Thanks, Redwine. I appreciate the kind words. A few people have mentioned following my “other” threads though and I’m not sure what’s being referred to. I assume it might be my brief time on survivinginfedlity two years ago after the affair, but if it’s anything else, it likely wasn’t me (unless I’m losing my mind!).

[drstrangelove]

any interesting/sexy presents this year? Personally I would've gotten her a new huge dildo or a special vibrator and something sexy to wear.. maybe like a leather bondage harness or something with a set of nipple nooses, maybe one of those jeweled buttplugs. (at least that's my dream Xmas with a woman that loves me.. someday)

So I had bought her gifts already and the major one hasn’t been bought yet. She asked me for an extremely expensive coat from a designer brand that I plan to buy her in Italy when I go.

I also bought her a book by Marisa Rudder, Cuckolding: A Revolutionary Guide that’s coming in a couple of days. I think the idea might be for me to read it as well and highlight some of the passages I connect with.

As much as our communication has improved, I feel like we still struggle sometimes and I think this could help us a bit.

As for the sexy stuff, I feel like that would have made her feel awkward—it’s a bit too soon I think. However, once this gets going, I can’t wait to start buying her lingerie all the time.

[drstrangelove]

Dear drstrangelove

Thank you for this very encouraging and important update.

First, It is very good to see that your Wife now emphathically understands that you are genuine in your concerns about loosing Her,
and willing to actively try to navigate you through those emotions.

Second, It is very good to see that She will not tell lies about your relationship. Telling her Lover that you have and agreement that you are not to ask where She is and what She is doing is so much better also since it opens the path for Her to later inform Her lover that you are a willing cuck.

And third, I am very pleased to see that She seems determined to go through with this.

I wish you a wonderful ride forward and hope you will keep us posted.

Sincerely
elina

Thank you, Elina. Her effort into more empathy and her shifting what she plans to tell F have greatly calmed my nerves!

Her seeming commitment to go through with it is actively jarring. Anytime I say something about what is obviously coming, she rarely inserts the hedge of “it might not happen!” Instead it’s just very casual conversation with us both on the same page.

We were discussing the month of January last night and talking about NYE, my Italy trip and my son’s birthday, going through checklist and she added that 2024 is going to be a really big year for our relationship; especially January.

And then we just had a brief text exchange about how we need to enjoy all these moments along the way, including the cuck journey. And I said while the anticipation now feels like it’s forever, it’ll just be a blip. Now is the only time we will be looking forward to what might happen instead of looking back on what did happen, so we should enjoy exploring this too. To which she agreed—no hedge, no nothing—just her agreeing with me.

So yea, I feel 99% that this happens because at every turn when I’d expect her to have anxiety about it, she resolves it on her own and arrives at the conclusion that it will be a good thing.

Hopefully I have another fun story to share soon—I won’t be putting on any pressure, but I feel like tonight has been a long awaited night for us to do something on the kink front since the last three nights have been consumed by holidays and families. Wish me luck!

[elina]

Dear Drstrangelove

I bsolutely wish you the best of luck with everything expected to happen for the next month, as well as everything unexpected that might also happen, regardless what.

Looking forward to your next update whenever that might be

Sincerely
elina

[Bomerang43]

I hope you get the best. I hope it will be rewarding for you. Dont rush anything, dont think too much. Thank you all for sharing updates. Enjoy!!

[drstrangelove]

So a minor update, but worth sharing.

This afternoon my wife noticed that F private messaged her on Instagram last night. (Again, until he knows that she isn’t being secretive, he’ll likely be discreet like this to avoid outright texting her.)

He wrote: “Should I hang mistletoe over my bed or can I just kiss your mistletoe instead?”

So she showed me and we discussed what to respond with. I suggested she consider something flirty about how it’s don’t ask don’t tell with me, so he can now text her anytime, but she preferred to wait to weave that in later. I deferred to her.

She went with: “You can kiss my mistletoe anytime! And if you have it hanging over your bed, I’ll just have to kiss you all over your body. “

He hasn’t responded yet, but she’s down to sext with him if it goes there. I asked if she would even be willing to send him naked pics again before meeting, and she replied: “maybe…”

So it’s escalating—I think tonight could be fun as I’d imagine he responds or maybe she reaches out via text.

[Rogueuser1]

One other thought: Is your wife on birth control or has he had a vasectomy? I seem to remember her not using any bc before. Will she use condoms with him?

[drstrangelove]

Real time update. It’s happening. She’s going to his apartment at 7 p.m. (EST) on Saturday night.

I will follow up with details when I can.

[US31]

Ok, Doc, I’m living vicariously through you on this.
Don’t Fuck it up!
lol

[drstrangelove]

Alright. So first off, here’s the current status: I had a very long, difficult night.

They messaged each other over Instagram from roughly 8:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. last night. I have the conversation, but it’s more than 30 photos worth of texts and not only would it take a tremendous amount of time to transcribe, most of it was not sexual and would likely require extensive editing as I don’t want to share so many intimate things over the internet. So for this post, I’ll try a different approach and recap it instead.

During the four hour conversation they had, my wife and I were having a separate conversation in real time about everything happening. It was overwhelming and largely frustrating for me. I’ve only gotten a few hours sleep, but my mind is racing so I want to write it all out here.

So the conversation started light and flirting—my wife even suggested sharing a photo or offering anything else he might want to “help” his hard-on. He thanked her, but was looking forward to seeing her instead and pivoted to finding dates where she could come to his house for drinks. The kids were with him, so she couldn’t come over, so instead a discussion of possible meeting times began.

Ultimately. Due to their conflicting work schedules and his time with kids, Saturday was the first available date—they agreed on drinks at his place instead and settled on the evening: my wife picked 7 p.m. as he has a work shift at 11 p.m., though she suspects the first visit over will be closer to an hour or so if she had to guess.

Once those plans were locked up, my anxiety peaked and I wanted to discuss a million things with my wife, but it was only 9 p.m. and she was more interested in chatting with him than me. That really started to weigh on me: me talking to her and her ignoring me to read and respond to his msgs. I felt disrespected and it built up my anxiety further—I’d say I was in a full on panic attack through most of the evening.

I did my best to calmly explain that I wanted her full attention, but all I can recall is the obsessive look in her face as she waited for his next msg and replied to it—again, it was clear he was her priority and I didn’t handle it well emotionally.

The first hurdle hit us almost immediately as my wife refused to explain to him the “don’t ask, don’t tell” dynamic of our marriage that we agreed to in terms of what she would tell F about me. She admitted that a big part of this for her is that she finds cheating/sneaking around to be a big turn on. (That’s something I suggested to her two years ago, but she wouldn’t fully admit to.)

So for her, it was important that he think she was cheating on me—it was a kink for her that she didn’t want to lose—she felt like a lot of the thrill would be gone for her if he knew I was a willing cuck.

That threw me for a loop—primarily because one of our biggest conflicts post-affair was her agreeing to things she didn’t agree with. She would constantly agree to things with me, but only to people please me, and they would become arguments down the line once she revealed she didn’t actually agree. So it’s a sore spot for me. But I think I handled it ok as I wanted to be receptive to the idea that she has a sexual kink she wants to explore.

My mind went into overdrive trying to craft messaging she could say that would satisfy my concerns, his likely concerns, while still fitting with her cheating kink.

It was a fool’s errand, because F kept on digging with increasingly pointed questions—his primary concern was that if I discovered their affair again, I’d cause trouble with his job (cops can’t have affairs with married women in their communities).

My wife kept insisting that I wouldn’t cause a problem, but he wanted to understand why. He asked if we were in an open relationship and my wife and I agreed on this answer:

“…no, more like a one way street. I can [see other men], but I haven’t acted on it until you reached out. But again, it’s more like don’t ask, don’t tell.”

She then went on to convince him that I have no animosity for him—and never have (which is true).

So the short of it is he’s under the impression essentially that I’m a willing cuckold who doesn’t want to know what she’s doing or who she is fucking. My wife and I agreed that setup worked for us for now as it keeps her cheating kink intact and leaves us the option later on of revealing to him I found out about the affair and am ok with it.

My wife even asked me about what she should do about her wedding ring—I told her I was fine with her wearing it and it seems she preferred that as it made it all seem more taboo for her and turned her on. I laughed and told her to have him cum all over it if that does it for her.

From there, the conversation between the two of them became more serious. F began asking her questions he had leftover and unanswered from two years ago. He wanted to know why so many details were shared with his now-ex-wife if I truly had no anger toward him. We tackled the questions together, honestly, over the course of a couple hours, and it went well largely. F seemed comfortable and reinforced he had no longer anger over any of it, but he felt it was important to get out of the way before she came to his house.

Then he dropped a bit of a bomb. He told her he remembered her saying something to him during one of the hotel stays—he couldn’t hear it, so he asked her to repeat it and she didn’t. He thought he knew what it was, but wanted her to tell him now.

I immediately asked her if she told him that she loved him, to which she denied. She told me she genuinely had no idea what he was referring to—so she kept asking him what he thought she said and he kept insisting she be the one to say what it was first.

Eventually he relented and said he thought she whispered to him that she loved him.

At this point my wife and I paused to discuss this. Honestly, I really didn’t care if she said it or not during sex; but my interpretation was that he was bringing it up because he (still) has feelings for my wife. So I decided to make a stand there and tell her it was non-negotiable that she shut this down immediately and make it clear she is not leaving her marriage and that this is purely about sex and escapism for her.

She decided to respond with this:

“No. I don’t remember whispering that. Listen I’m very understanding of what the arrangement is between us. Completely sexual.”

His response calmed my fears:

“Well yea this is definitely completely sexual. But didn’t know if at the time, you thought otherwise when you said that. But even so, it didn’t stop me from continuing to have fun with you haha.”

So my interpretation is he thought she caught feelings for her, but he was enjoying fucking her regardless, so played along—and that checks out with what I thought previously, so it quelled my concerns a bit.

He also acknowledged that he always knew the affair wouldn’t last forever, but felt it ended prematurely as they were still having fun. It does give me some concern that reopening this door is likely to leave my wife being hurt when it ends this time around, but she claims she’ll be ok and is taking it one day at a time.

So from there they tried to make it a bit light again with anticipation for Saturday, but I could tell the negative conversation took a toll on my wife, especially learning about all the negative things F’s wife had shared with him about her (essentially, things she twisted that I told her)—so it leaves my wife feeling ashamed knowing F’s wife was likely telling lots of other people.

At some point during the latter half of the convo we also discussed condoms again. It was clear her preference was not to use them (in terms of how it feels) and it’s obviously hotter for me if they don’t, but we both acknowledge the risks of both pregnancy and disease. My wife established she would use condoms on Saturday so we could cross one issue off our list entirely.

My wife and I then went upstairs and talked for a bit in bed—we did a bit of a dance on what to do sexually. It was well after 1 a.m., we both were exhausted, but as is usual, neither of us wanted to say or do the wrong thing, so we were paralyzed in fear of making a wrong move.

Do we go to sleep, do we have sex or do we lean into the kink and she give me a HJ?

We went in circles for a bit and ultimately I left it to her to choose and she said she’d like to give me a HJ. She began talking dirty and all my anxiety melted and I was reminded of why I was doing this to begin with.

First thing out of her mouth was: “Babe, he’s going to be inside my pussy this Saturday.”

From there, I just enjoyed the ride—I don’t remember the exact exchange unfortunately, but we covered a lot—she told me we should use the cage while she’s gone so she can have the key around her neck while he’s fucking her, noting when he pulls out he’ll probably cum all over it.

She also noted how she was looking forward to sucking his dick because she loves the way he moans and loses control when she does—he never lasts long from her BJs and she wanted to swallow his cum again.

I told her he might not want to cum in her mouth because he’ll want to make sure he gets to fuck her too. She laughed, noting it wasn’t an issue for him to go right into sex afterward and she expected that even if she’s there only an hour or so, he’ll cum twice without issue.

I asked her if he was the best lover she ever had, but that one made her pause and she didn’t want to answer it—there are still some things she dislikes talking about because she doesn’t want to hurt me.

That threw me off a bit, but we recovered and she enforced how easy this was going to be for her moving forward as he’d simply be able to text her anytime and she can run over to fuck him—she imagined it being at a minimum a weekly thing so she can get her fill. And told me I’d have to learn to accept that she would just be running out to fuck another guy now and I might not get much notice.

I also noted he’s not going to want to wear a condom if you keep going multiple rounds and she agreed (though we discussed later and she said that was fantasy to help me cum—the line between fantasy and reality is now very complicated for me; I don’t know how to deal with it.)

Needless to say, I came—hard. We cleaned up and went to sleep. As she was lying next to me, she admitted that things got way too heavy and negative tonight for her, spending so many hours digging through hurtful memories with F. She warned me that she would need to lighten things up today by sending him a sexy photo.

I realized in that moment that she in many ways is the ideal hotwife—I can spiral in negativity, like last night—she can reset and make it fun and light quickly. I told her I loved the idea and we went to bed.

I barely slept and when we woke up, we talked a bit. She was exhausted and not up for another deep dive; she began getting agitated, and for the first time expressed doubts because of how bad she felt after the talk with F combined with my extreme anxiety/vulnerability. It was overwhelming for her—she said the whole point of this is for us to have fun and she’s not having fun right now.

Hearing her say that actually calmed me a bit—I’d be concerned if she didn’t think about pulling the plug due to all this stress. It made me think for a moment she would actually go through with cancelling everything; something I’ve started to doubt.

But honestly, I don’t think I believe her—felt more like expressing frustration. I don’t think she has any plans to not go through with this and I’m fearful if we cancelled this, she’d end up just cheating on me again at this point. That’s a huge red flag for me as I feel like I’m in too deep in this dynamic to have any control of my own marriage.

Regardless, we do have a lot to discuss before Saturday. I'm going to give her space and maybe connect again tonight.

We need to discuss our plan for Saturday and what we expect of each other, my involvement, her telling her sister, how she will navigate further questions about me while talking to him in person, etc.

But we have a few days to cover it and she’s better if she has some time to think before we get to the convo.

I’m planning to get her a list of topics today, so please chime in with things I may be missing. There’s a balancing act here as I want to plan out everything so I’m not surprised and she wants to be impulsive and go with the flow—hopefully we can find a common ground for both of us to be happy with Saturday.

[drstrangelove]

One other thought: Is your wife on birth control or has he had a vasectomy? I seem to remember her not using any bc before. Will she use condoms with him?

Rogue, this is a topic of conversation my wife have had a bunch. My wife is not on BC and they only used condoms for the first two rounds of sex in the initial affair—it was all raw after and he’d pull out to usually come on her stomach or back; sometimes in her mouth.

He has not had a vasectomy that I’m aware of and my wife does not want to go back on BC.

The plan for Saturday is they will use condoms, which I already bought for her yesterday in a trip to CVS.

[drstrangelove]

So one more quick update as writing out that lengthy last post made me realize some things.

For starters, I’ve decided I need to take a step back from real-time involvement with my wife and F’s text conversations. It’s too much for me to handle right now, especially if I’m not in a horny/sexual mood. Through much of last night I was anxious and spiraling emotionally, so reading their texts was quite obviously too much for me to manage.

I recall a specific moment last night where he told her his favorite thing from affair was bending her over and eating her out from behind right before he fucked her at one point. He said he’s thought about it a lot and can’t wait to do it again.

Now something like that, if I was reading a post on this forum or I was simply with my wife jerking off, it would have really turned me on—it’s objectively hot.

But last night I recall the anxiety and dread that sank in my heart reading it in real-time while processing everything else. It was the worst jealousy I’ve ever felt and in only bad ways. For a moment, my primal instincts sank in and all I could think of is: “why does he get to do that to my wife and I never get to???”

It was such a toxic and unhealthy mindset—I need to guard against it moving forward. So I told my wife I’m going to give myself space from the text-to-text back and forth. I will engage when I’m in a good headspace only.

She reiterated to me that she feels really bad this morning about how it all happened last night. She feels like she did during affair; basically like her life is being overtaken by something dark instead of enhanced by something fun. It’s making her second guess doing this.

I took responsibly and said it’s on me to give her control. And that she must feel like I gave her a gift and now keep insisting on rules and stipulations for how to use it—would make anyone want to give gift back.

I told her I understand that there is a chance I just can’t handle this. That I’m going to give it my best shot to get better and cede all control, or I’ll fail and she can tell me. And if I fail, we agree to pull the plug on this together. She agreed.

[residueS]

So one more quick update as writing out that lengthy last post made me realize some things.

For starters, I’ve decided I need to take a step back from real-time involvement with my wife and F’s text conversations. It’s too much for me to handle right now, especially if I’m not in a horny/sexual mood. Through much of last night I was anxious and spiraling emotionally, so reading their texts was quite obviously too much for me to manage.

I recall a specific moment last night where he told her his favorite thing from affair was bending her over and eating her out from behind right before he fucked her at one point. He said he’s thought about it a lot and can’t wait to do it again.

Now something like that, if I was reading a post on this forum or I was simply with my wife jerking off, it would have really turned me on—it’s objectively hot.

But last night I recall the anxiety and dread that sank in my heart reading it in real-time while processing everything else. It was the worst jealousy I’ve ever felt and in only bad ways. For a moment, my primal instincts sank in and all I could think of is: “why does he get to do that to my wife and I never get to???”

It was such a toxic and unhealthy mindset—I need to guard against it moving forward. So I told my wife I’m going to give myself space from the text-to-text back and forth. I will engage when I’m in a good headspace only.

She reiterated to me that she feels really bad this morning about how it all happened last night. She feels like she did during affair; basically like her life is being overtaken by something dark instead of enhanced by something fun. It’s making her second guess doing this.

I took responsibly and said it’s on me to give her control. And that she must feel like I gave her a gift and now keep insisting on rules and stipulations for how to use it—would make anyone want to give gift back.

I told her I understand that there is a chance I just can’t handle this. That I’m going to give it my best shot to get better and cede all control, or I’ll fail and she can tell me. And if I fail, we agree to pull the plug on this together. She agreed.

Love to hear she is taking initiative. I think she is really getting into the role, and the only thing you should do now is to be as relax as you can and give her space. I think the cage is a good idea, maybe you should be locked now lol. if you are horny enough it may make it all easier. I particularly like the fact she brought it up.

[drstrangelove]

So one more quick update as writing out that lengthy last post made me realize some things.

For starters, I’ve decided I need to take a step back from real-time involvement with my wife and F’s text conversations. It’s too much for me to handle right now, especially if I’m not in a horny/sexual mood. Through much of last night I was anxious and spiraling emotionally, so reading their texts was quite obviously too much for me to manage.

I recall a specific moment last night where he told her his favorite thing from affair was bending her over and eating her out from behind right before he fucked her at one point. He said he’s thought about it a lot and can’t wait to do it again.

Now something like that, if I was reading a post on this forum or I was simply with my wife jerking off, it would have really turned me on—it’s objectively hot.

But last night I recall the anxiety and dread that sank in my heart reading it in real-time while processing everything else. It was the worst jealousy I’ve ever felt and in only bad ways. For a moment, my primal instincts sank in and all I could think of is: “why does he get to do that to my wife and I never get to???”

It was such a toxic and unhealthy mindset—I need to guard against it moving forward. So I told my wife I’m going to give myself space from the text-to-text back and forth. I will engage when I’m in a good headspace only.

She reiterated to me that she feels really bad this morning about how it all happened last night. She feels like she did during affair; basically like her life is being overtaken by something dark instead of enhanced by something fun. It’s making her second guess doing this.

I took responsibly and said it’s on me to give her control. And that she must feel like I gave her a gift and now keep insisting on rules and stipulations for how to use it—would make anyone want to give gift back.

I told her I understand that there is a chance I just can’t handle this. That I’m going to give it my best shot to get better and cede all control, or I’ll fail and she can tell me. And if I fail, we agree to pull the plug on this together. She agreed.

Love to hear she is taking initiative. I think she is really getting into the role, and the only thing you should do now is to be as relax as you can and give her space. I think the cage is a good idea, maybe you should be locked now lol. if you are horny enough it may make it all easier. I particularly like the fact she brought it up.

That’s promising for now, but I’m concerned I’ve miscalculated much of this. The truth is, I’ve always only wanted her; but she hasn’t felt the same—she has always wanted more than me, up to the point of having an affair to get it.

So now that she has what she wants, I’m expecting to get what I want: more sexual attention from her, in whatever form (even her sitting next to me while I jerk off for all I care). I don’t think that is going to go well for me—my feet is that I end up with even less sexual attention and come to feel isolated and disconnected from her.

I fear instead of more sexual attention, she will begin to see my sexual needs as a nuisance.

But right now, none of that may matter as it seems we could be at a tipping point. She’s really rattled from last night—in one breath she is talking about Saturday and she just took a naked picture of herself to potentially send him; but then she’s swinging to wanting to cancel Saturday and call the whole thing off.

Not only did I come off too controlling and oppressive, but he did as well with all the digging and concern about being caught. She wanted this to feel light, and instead she feels like she has two guys suffocating her.

My assumption is all I can do now is give her space. She is really in a horrible mood and what happens next will be decided by her.

So apologies to all those living through me on this as I may have messed it up.

[residueS]

So one more quick update as writing out that lengthy last post made me realize some things.

For starters, I’ve decided I need to take a step back from real-time involvement with my wife and F’s text conversations. It’s too much for me to handle right now, especially if I’m not in a horny/sexual mood. Through much of last night I was anxious and spiraling emotionally, so reading their texts was quite obviously too much for me to manage.

I recall a specific moment last night where he told her his favorite thing from affair was bending her over and eating her out from behind right before he fucked her at one point. He said he’s thought about it a lot and can’t wait to do it again.

Now something like that, if I was reading a post on this forum or I was simply with my wife jerking off, it would have really turned me on—it’s objectively hot.

But last night I recall the anxiety and dread that sank in my heart reading it in real-time while processing everything else. It was the worst jealousy I’ve ever felt and in only bad ways. For a moment, my primal instincts sank in and all I could think of is: “why does he get to do that to my wife and I never get to???”

It was such a toxic and unhealthy mindset—I need to guard against it moving forward. So I told my wife I’m going to give myself space from the text-to-text back and forth. I will engage when I’m in a good headspace only.

She reiterated to me that she feels really bad this morning about how it all happened last night. She feels like she did during affair; basically like her life is being overtaken by something dark instead of enhanced by something fun. It’s making her second guess doing this.

I took responsibly and said it’s on me to give her control. And that she must feel like I gave her a gift and now keep insisting on rules and stipulations for how to use it—would make anyone want to give gift back.

I told her I understand that there is a chance I just can’t handle this. That I’m going to give it my best shot to get better and cede all control, or I’ll fail and she can tell me. And if I fail, we agree to pull the plug on this together. She agreed.

Love to hear she is taking initiative. I think she is really getting into the role, and the only thing you should do now is to be as relax as you can and give her space. I think the cage is a good idea, maybe you should be locked now lol. if you are horny enough it may make it all easier. I particularly like the fact she brought it up.

That’s promising for now, but I’m concerned I’ve miscalculated much of this. The truth is, I’ve always only wanted her; but she hasn’t felt the same—she has always wanted more than me, up to the point of having an affair to get it.

So now that she has what she wants, I’m expecting to get what I want: more sexual attention from her, in whatever form (even her sitting next to me while I jerk off for all I care). I don’t think that is going to go well for me—my feet is that I end up with even less sexual attention and come to feel isolated and disconnected from her.

I fear instead of more sexual attention, she will begin to see my sexual needs as a nuisance.

But right now, none of that may matter as it seems we could be at a tipping point. She’s really rattled from last night—in one breath she is talking about Saturday and she just took a naked picture of herself to potentially send him; but then she’s swinging to wanting to cancel Saturday and call the whole thing off.

Not only did I come off too controlling and oppressive, but he did as well with all the digging and concern about being caught. She wanted this to feel light, and instead she feels like she has two guys suffocating her.

My assumption is all I can do now is give her space. She is really in a horrible mood and what happens next will be decided by her.

So apologies to all those living through me on this as I may have messed it up.

I think you may not look at it in the context of cuckolding, which is what you really wanted? Is the fact of cuckolding already imply she need something more where you are content with her? And she get what she wanted you also get what you wanted, i.e., being the cuckold, right. she may though like this as well, if from her understanding cuckolding is really want you wanted. I think for now, just don’t bring up the topic. I think she want this to be an excape rather than the center of you guys life

[realcucklife]

Need to give her space and let it be about her.

The excitement, the thrill is it’s her adventure.

Don’t use the past as a bargaining chip to get your way, give her space and support her. If you don’t, if you want to continue to micro manage, and if you want to keep changing minds, it won’t just be Sat night she cancels.

The pay off for you is seeing the way she blossoms, being along for the ride.

And if you like chastity tease denial games both agree, or choose an intimacy level that suits.

Be there for her, be her rock. You regulate yourself share in things that turn you on, AVOID things that don’t. For example I no longer watch wifey with guys, didn’t feel right, rather see pics, snippet video and her, but I’m there in a heart beat for a cream pie hen they are done.

Bareback for us was important, she desired him bare and our denial games saw me using condoms, while he was bare during our testing phase. Pregnancy risk wasn’t a huge turn on for wifey so the pill was a simple fix until a semi permanent solution.

[mf2hd82]

You being there during their recent text session and then giving your input was very annoying to me, so I can only imagine how much it turned her off. I understand why you wanted to be involved but i think you needed to give her her space.

The fact that you thought your sexual attention from her would increase seems funny to me as well. For me I would be happy if she allowed me out of my cage to masturbate to her getting ready to go fuck him, while throwing in a few teasing comments while doing it. I don't think I would expect to be having more sex or physical contact with her at this point. You need to embrace your cuckoldness a little more.

[drstrangelove]

Another update:

So it’s been a a seesaw of a day. As I noted in my last post, she was seemingly on the fence about going through with it. I kept my distance and let her know I would be drastically backing off. I don’t want to be involved in what she tells F, what she tells her sister, etc. I want her to make the decisions on these topics and pull me in if she needs me.

I thought I might be too late though, but then a bit after, she came into my office and asked if I would be ok with her seeing F Saturday morning instead of evening (9 a.m.~). She thought it was more casual, no alcohol; felt more like a friends/fuck buddy meet than a romantic evening one to her.

I loved the idea and was thrilled we were back on, but then she added that she still wasn’t sure.

The afternoon got worse though—she shared texts with me that she was leaning against it and didn’t think it was a good idea anymore, etc.

I was devastated and took a nap. I couldn’t believe I blew my shot at this—I was such a dope last night. When I woke up, it was more of the same—she seemed down on it. I told her I’d support any decision she makes, but inside I was crushed. I was back to square one.

But then…

She just showed me her phone and it was a text exchange with F. She asked him if she could come Saturday morning instead and he said it worked for him. She asked me if that was ok, and I just said: “thank you; I love you so much.”

So we are back on! I’m not saying shit the next two days. No way I’m messing this up again. I’ll still follow up with any updates, but the current plan is for her to go over for about 90 minutes on Sat morning (he’s busy at 10:30)—then she’ll come home and we will reconnect.

I learned a big lesson from this—perfect is the enemy of the good. I need to trust my wife to lead this, because honestly, we landed at the best possible outcome after I stepped out of it.