Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[Coolcalm]

Actually you DO have a choice. You can say if she continues to see him and you’re not getting sex from her in any way you want then you’ll just do what she is doing and get it somewhere else. You actually can say that.

[drstrangelove]

Hello Doctor

In the not to distant future as your cuckold relationship with your wife further expanses is one of your cuckold aims is to be able to hold your naked wife’s hand whist she has another male between her legs.

Would she allow this and have you discussed this with her?
How do you think you would handle it?
Knowing the bad fallout for the boyfriend that resulted from the affair do you think that he would ever agree to such a scenario or do you think this would have to wait until your wife spreads her sexual wings to start a sexual relationship with another male?

Regards

Redwine

Hard to say as that’s not on the table now. If/when F finds out I know, lots with change, so I suppose that dynamic could be on the table.

Truthfully, I still want to be cautious about my emotions—it was only a couple of weeks ago this all started and I’ve had major emotional swings since then. As hot as that sounds, I don’t think I’m prepared to see her getting fucked in person. I think the video will be an important first step toward that for me. So hopefully that’s something I’ll get soon.

[drstrangelove]

Actually you DO have a choice. You can say if she continues to see him and you’re not getting sex from her in any way you want then you’ll just do what she is doing and get it somewhere else. You actually can say that.

I’m unclear on what you’re responding to, but I’m aware I could cheat on her—that’s not the direction I’m looking to go.

[drstrangelove]

Ok, so a big update.

I woke up around 5 a.m. (local time in Rome) to pee and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I checked my phone and noticed my wife hasn’t sent me an email (she always sends an email every night when I travel solo). So I texted her, thinking she might still be awake (11 p.m. in NY).

She was and we had a lovely chat about her day—she hung out with other moms and hosted a play date for all the kids. They had left the house around 9:45 p.m. (75 min earlier) and she was just unwinding before bed.

I then asked if she was just watching TV, but she responded telling me she had been chatting with F since 10 p.m. Here’s the full convo, which picks up right where the last one ended—her requesting he use handcuffs again.

Wife: What do you think of the handcuffs?

F: I’m game

Wife: Good. If you weren’t really into it I’d hope you’d tell me.
Wife: Althoigh the first time…you were into it *wink*

F: Hahah oh I’m into it

Wife: Haha

F: I don’t have anything to put them around though - I’m just going to have to cuff you behind your back

Wife: That’s what you did before and I did not complain
Wife: In fact, I believe I came

F: Perfect
F: Make sure you wait to cum until my mouth is on you

Wife: The amount of times I can cum from that is endless

F: It’s great
F: Suck it right up

Wife: You know what is amazing is that you enjoy it

F: I do

Wife: Which is amazing. So I’m hoping you cum down my throat because I like it just as much *wink*

F: Oh I plan on it. You better be ready to turn around when I pull out so I can cum down your throat

Wife: Challenge accepted

F: Perfect

Wife: There are so few boundaries I have with you.

F: There weren’t many from what I remember. Not many at all

Wife: Technically there aren’t
Wife: Anything is fair game

F: Yum

Wife: Honest question. How sure were you that I’d say yes again when you called.

F: I wasn’t
F: But I had a feeling

Wife: The sex is just that good

F: It is

(I think there is something missing here in the exchange—she may have missed a line or multiple lines in screen capping.)

Wife: Omg you sometimes take me off guard

F: *Smirk*

Wife: I was just thinking about that

F: Oh yea?

Wife: Oh two minds…

F: Two dirty minds which makes it that much better

Wife: Listen that second hotel stay was insane…there are no words to describe how good everything felt and it was just so dirty and so carefree

F: Yes it was

Wife: And to be honest, when you said it would be better I thought you were insane
Wife: However as anxious as I was the first time when I came over a few weeks ago when you threw me… (cuts off here)

F: I was anxious as well but as soon as we kissed that feeling went away also

Wife: Maybe my moment was when you opened the door naked and my mind went completely blank *shock face*
Wife: And don’t think I haven’t thought of just wearing a coat over and coming over completely naked
Wife: You just have a habit of asking me to come over when it’s winter

F: Hahaha winter.
F: You back in action this coming week?

Wife: Do you mean I’m finished adulting and ready to have fun? Then yes
Wife: It’s been an extremely long and boring week

F: Yes. And perfect

Wife: When are you available
Wife: I’ll just come right out and say it because I’m that horny

F: Tuesday morning but would have to be in my car by 9:50.
F: Wednesday morning

Wife: Any night?

F: Hmm

Wife: Tuesday there is a snow storm

F: How late or early at night are we talking

Wife: And Wednesday I might be in the city
Wife: Depends
Wife: I’m flexible

F: Yea you are
F: And schedule wise I guess

Wife: Oh so you know
Wife: How easily it was to get my legs on your shoulders

F: Easy enough that I got them there

Wife: Favorite position?

F: From behind

Wife: I knew that
Wife: And it’s mine too

F: And reverse cowgirl is a lovely sight

Wife: Because my ass is just that good *wink*

F: And maybe Wednesday night

Wife: Wednesday night could work

F: I have no complaints of it

Wife: I would hope not

F: I like to fuck it and eat it
F: What time Wednesday?

Wife: What time works for you?
Wife: And yes, I do enjoy you eating it

F: Good bc I wasn’t going to stop

Wife: And quite frankly I just can’t believe I typed that *ashamed face*
Wife: I hope not

F: Depends I guess - maybe earlier in the evening? Late afternoon?
F: Haha why?

Wife: Because admitting I enjoy when you eat my ass
Wife: But ultimately I enjoy it and last time you made me squirm
Wife: And I really liked that

F; That’s amazing
F: I mean I’ve literally fucked and cum in your ass and eat it every time we’ve been together. I think we are passed feeling awkward saying what we like haha

Wife: I guess you’re right. It’s funny. I’m just very carefree about what we do

F: No complaints from me ha

Wife: But wait a second
Wife: You have not fucked my ass in two years
Wife: So let’s get facts straight

F: Let’s fix that
F: And when I said every time I was referring to eating it

Wife: That is the truth

F: I’m going to have to take the condom off for that part

Wife: For what part

F: Your ass

Wife: Yes I know

F: *drool face*

Wife: You can literally cum in my ass and I don’t care

F: Oh my god

Wife: Did I strike a nerve? Does that intrigue you?

F: I’ve been hard since we’ve been talking about all this but somehow I just got harder

Wife: The power of my ass

F: Hahaha

Wife: And you cuming in it

F: Mmmm

Wife: So what turned you on more
Wife: Knowing you can fuck my ass
Wife: Or knowing you can cum inside me

F: Holy shit. Uhhh
F: Can I say both
F: Well maybe fucking your ass bc I can’t cum in it until I fuck it

Wife: Fair you can say both
Wife: And is there anything that turns you on more than fucking my ass
Wife: That maybe we haven’t done

F: Hmm I’m not sure. What about you?
F: Fucking your ass is very high up there

Wife: Really?

F: Especially when you add cuming in it

Wife: What about shower sex
Wife: Did we do that?

F: We tried the bathtub sex ha
F: Shower sex I’m down for but can be a pain in positioning

Wife: I know
Wife: I read an article

F: Oh yea?

Wife: it can be hugely arousing but in the right position

F: Interesting

Wife: It was in the same article I read about impulsive behaviors *shrug emoji*

F: Actually I’ll add cumming in you in general. That’s up there with your ass.
F: But obviously not with no bc

Wife: Hmmm
Wife: So maybe I should add bc to my diet

F: That’s up to you

Wife: Haha
Wife: Maybe it’s an option

F: You let me know when ha
F: But anyway. Other than me eating and fucking and cumming in your ass - anything that you REALLY enjoy or want to do that we haven’t

Wife: You know I just enjoy being in that moment
Wife: But I will admit what is hot and maybe is silly to you is when you threw me on the bed
Wife: It was this sense of dominance and control and I kind of lost it

F: I like being the dominant one
F: However. I also like someone else taking control sometimes

Wife: I enjoy taking control of your balls and dick

F: I like when you do

Wife: Talk to you soon and also decide what time on Wednesday

(My wife and I were talking by this point and she wanted to go to bed and give me her full attention before she did.)

**

Ok, so wow. I can take a step back and recognize that is an incredibly hot read. But being transparent, I’m struggling right now. That was a lot to take in.

For context:

- She refuses to let me eat her ass, let alone fuck it. She had my blessing to do anal with him, so I was prepared for it I guess.

- She refuses to mention anything about STD testing and has opened the door to unprotected anal sex and getting on the pill (something she has refused to do since we had our second child six years ago). And again, her being on the pill is hot because I’ll get to eat a full cream pie, but without STD testing, it feels like a crazy risk.

- Her telling him she has no boundaries with him and he can do whatever he wants to her was a lot to handle—obviously I’m jealous.

Honestly though, if I were home with her, I think I’d be much better. Being so far away and disconnected is a lot to handle right now. So my plan is to hold it together for a few more days as I’ll be home on Monday.

We talked briefly tonight and she just got her period, so she likely won’t be clear until Tuesday. She offered me sex then but I recognize it breaks our buffer rule as she is seeing him Wednesday—she doesn’t care, but maybe I can just lean into it and let him fuck her first. I can wait until next weekend.

So yea, I’ll leave it there as I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety and jealousy right now and I don’t want to turn this thread negative again. Ultimately the convo was super hot, so I should be happy.

(Edited for typos.)

[mf2hd82]

I'm kind of getting the feeling that she likes the thought that she's cheating. Like it exciting her to be "bad".

[drstrangelove]

I'm kind of getting the feeling that she likes the thought that she's cheating. Like it exciting her to be "bad".

For sure. She’s told me that’s a part of it for her. Last night she was drunk and it was after a full week of madness at work and dealing with both kids. She sat down to have that convo with F and it was her dopamine hit and escape from life. The reason she had the affair and the reason she’s into this now is she wants an outlet away from her life—that’s what F is to her.

On my end, it’s hard to accept. Her telling him she has no sexual boundaries; asking for him to cum in her ass this week; telling him shes down to try BC after one passing request from him despite me asking for years.

When I process all of that, *I* internalize it as her not loving me. Rationally, I understand that’s not true, but the negative spiral hits me and I feel repulsed by how little she loves and respects me.

It’s so much for me to deal with.

I’m in Rome and visited some designer outlets this afternoon—I broke off from my family and went shopping in Zenga solo. The young employee was being very flirty with me—discussed my Italian background and we had some fun banter. She offered to meet me tonight in Rome as she was going out with friends.

The dichotomy is impossible for me to regulate. I have my wife giving me HJs while she begs another man to fuck her ass…while at the same time an attractive Italian woman is likely thinking I can be her escape. My wife is no different than the saleswoman looking for adventure.

Before you ask, I threw away her number so I’m not tempted later, but the issue isn’t my wife or the saleswoman. The issue is me.

Who am I? Am I the attractive, well dressed, muscular, gourmet chef who countless women would kill to be with? Or am I the pathetic, sexually inept, beta male who begs to lick another man’s cum off my wife?

Truthfully, I’m struggling with my identity. I haven’t found comfort in my own skin in this new dynamic. And I’m certain that’s not my wife’s fault.

This is all new to me and I’m trying to navigate my way through it. When it was fantasy, it was so easy, but now the reality creeps into my life at every turn and I’m not prepared for it. It’s not something I can opt into only when I want it anymore—it’s not a role I can play when I choose to play it. This new lifestyle has malignant features I wasn’t prepared to deal with, so I’m just trying not to overreact to any feeling in a specific moment.

[residueS]

Thanks for a very heartfelt post. I can understand your struggle. I think you can view this as your wife’s fantasy, her submissive fantasy. It is not about not loving you enough. Same as when you always going down on your wife, it is not because you don’t love her enough to fuck her good, but because you have this particular fantasy of submission. For you own identity, I can see it will be a journey of your own self-discovery, but you can always be more than one thing

[drstrangelove]

So I had a bit of a rough convo with my wife. She’s stressed beyond belief with kids and on her period and I’m stressed knowing she’s pushing unprotected anal sex before we even discussed it.

Ultimately, we calmed down and reset and had a good talk.

She feel comfortable that he’s clean and is ok letting him fuck her ass without a condom, but her reasoning is a bit absurd honestly. Her position is that he works two jobs, has kids and says he doesn’t use Tinder, so therefor he’s probs lt clean. Just crazy non-logic.

However, I also understand her position of not wanting to require he get tested—she feels awkward asking.

So we settled on a compromise: she’s going to raise the conversation with him regarding his sexlife the last two years and tell him she wants to make sure she’s safe. We can then see his responses and make a judgement if he’s being shady or not. If *either* of us get bad vibes, she won’t move forward with any unprotected sex.

And regarding BC, we both think it’s a good idea, so she’s going to setup a visit with her doctor to get a BC prescription within the month.

It has not been a fun day, but if the net result is no more condoms and cream pies in the near future, it was a good next step.

[mf2hd82]

I'm kind of getting the feeling that she likes the thought that she's cheating. Like it exciting her to be "bad".

When I process all of that, *I* internalize it as her not loving me. Rationally, I understand that’s not true, but the negative spiral hits me and I feel repulsed by how little she loves and respects me.

I was truly wondering if she would sneak off and meet him while you were away. If she really hasn't, then I think that's testament to how much she doe love you and respect you.

[Rogueuser1]

Wow that is a hot text conversation. On the plus side you'll get to cum in her too (maybe - if she lets you) once she is on the pill again.

How long has it been since you have been able to just let loose and cum in your wife without the fear of pregnancy after all? I bet it will feel good to do that any time during the month!

[drstrangelove]

I'm kind of getting the feeling that she likes the thought that she's cheating. Like it exciting her to be "bad".

When I process all of that, *I* internalize it as her not loving me. Rationally, I understand that’s not true, but the negative spiral hits me and I feel repulsed by how little she loves and respects me.

I was truly wondering if she would sneak off and meet him while you were away. If she really hasn't, then I think that's testament to how much she doe love you and respect you.

That was never a real concern for me—she shares her phone location, texts with him and is the sole person watching our kids this week as my mother and I are both in Italy.

I don’t think her not sneaking off to see him means she loves me lol. I suspect she does love me and my insecurity is at such a high height right now I can’t see it and it’s likely frustrating her that she can’t prove it.

[drstrangelove]

Wow that is a hot text conversation. On the plus side you'll get to cum in her too (maybe - if she lets you) once she is on the pill again.

How long has it been since you have been able to just let loose and cum in your wife without the fear of pregnancy after all? I bet it will feel good to do that any time during the month!

We have done it a handful of times right as her period is about to start—maybe three times in six years?

Honestly, my favorite thing to do is to pull out and put it in her mouth, but that has not been happening and she just offered to that to him…

I have to say, I was not prepared for the negative side of all this jealousy.

[Rogueuser1]

I think a key for you will be embracing the jealousy and channeling it into something positive rather than stewing in it. Find a way for the jealousy to arouse you rather than hurting you however you have to think about it.
Oh and you should try offering to kiss her ass better after he fucks it - that might be your ticket to finally eating her there since of course you'll need to french kiss it better . If you don't mind eating her ass that is.

[drstrangelove]

Another major update.

A lot happened the last 18~ hours and I’ve been busy on my trip, so haven’t had time to update the thread. I will abbreviate some of this to avoid writing out a million texts.

So as I noted, yesterday afternoon was a bit of a struggle for us—I felt marginalized and disrespected and she felt judged. We were not communicating well. I went to dinner and we both took a few hours to reset—ultimately, I wanted her to not jump into unprotected sex without talking with me and she didn’t want to feel like I was controlling what she can do.

So after dinner I thought about it—logically, I was 100% right—any decision she makes affects me and she should want to be careful for our mutual health. However I also understood where she was coming from and wanting to have autonomy and control in this dynamic.

I asked her if I should just roll with her making the decision and she told me she’d appreciate that. I told her it was a big step, but I trust her fully to make the choice. We agreed that she could proceed with unprotected oral and anal, but she wants to still use a condom for vaginal until she gets on BC, which she decided to do for sure.

I told her as long as she can be transparent with me on what she is thinking, I can trust her to make the decisions.

As I texted her that, F also texted her (timing creeped her out). He was clearly turned on from yesterday’s chat and he asked her to come over and he sent a dick pic (first time I saw his dick and it was as she described, slightly smaller than mine; about six inches I’d guess, fully shaved everywhere).

She declined as she was watching both kids solo (and she was on her period, but he didn’t know that).

Her convo with him slowed down and she told me she was nervous about anal sex again, but knows he will push for it after she offered. She’s nervous about having a poop incident, which happened with us when she let me do it briefly post-affair. I suggested her using an enema, but unsure where she will land—ultimately she said it was fine when he did it, so she thinks it’ll be ok (I plan to buy her the enema kit so she has the choice though).

I was taken aback by how casual she was about it. She told me he’s already cum in her ass, so it’s not like it’s a novel thing. I’ll admit that hurt as I only came in her ass once and it was 20 years ago during a drunken college night.

So I was trying to process what was happening—essentially, it seemed like a sure thing seeing her texts that he was going to cum in her ass on Wednesday. Eating an anal cream pie seems intense, but I also don’t want to miss the opportunity, so I asked if she would be ok if I did that when she got home.

Wife: You can totally do that and I’d be ok
Wife: It makes me feel good if that’s what you want

Me: You’re so kind and amazing.
Me: I feel like this is a big deal and you’re making it so approachable

Wife: You’re licking my ass

Me: Well yea, but it’ll be filled with cum

Wife: It will be

We then went on to discuss my biggest ask: getting this on video. He had asked what would turn her on yesterday, so I suggested telling him to video it as the answer. I also suggested she beg him to cum in her ass on video as it’ll also make him cum faster, so it’s a win-win. She laughed and said she planned on that and was well aware of how that works lol.

In parallel, they were still talking. She asked him what he was most excited about from yesterday’s convo: her telling him she has no boundaries with him; her offering to go on BC so he can cum in her or if it was her asking him to cum in her ass.

He said he loved them all, but cumming in her ass was currently at the top of his list.

She then asked him to film something on Wednesday—suggesting maybe a video of him cumming down her throat and he replied: “Well consider it a done deal next time.”

So in a perfect world, I’ll get a video of a BJ and anal sex, but I don’t want to get my hopes up until it happens.

We discussed timing for Wednesday and agreed evening would work best (7-10 p.m. range so work is out of the way and I could deal with kids bedtime). She asked if it worked for him and he said he’d have to get back to her, so that’s a loose end that could delay the next date.

My wife got a bit nervous based on how much she offered to do next visit (swallowing his cum, anal cream pie and filming as much of it as possible). I offered to make her any meal she wanted and deal with kids so she could relax before she goes over in the evening.

So I needed sleep and I asked her to recap the plan for me and she texted me this:

Wife: On Wednesday you’ll make this incredible dinner, then I’ll go over and he’ll take a video of me blowing him, gently stroking his balls, and then he’ll turn me over and cum in my ass
Wife: All while you put the kids to bed because this is what I deserve
Wife: And then you’ll lick it all up.

So at this point I went to bed feeling great (I came reading those last msgs actually—took me seconds—it’s crazy how erotically powerful all of this is while living it).

I woke up six hours later (7 a.m) and turned on my phone to receive a flurry of emails and texts screenshotting more convos between my wife and F.

At 11 p.m. NY time she sent him a naked selfie in the bathroom mirror to help with his hard on. Started another convo and she sent another pic of her using her vibrator on her pussy and they had some routine dirty talk.

And then, because my wife is awesome, she initiated the convo on safe sex with him. I know it was a big step for her and it’s funny how she did it only after I told her she didn’t have to. He reassured her he was clean and I can understand why she trusts him.

Of note here though, she told him she hasn’t been with anyone other than him in two years—I know I’m just assumed, but I have noticed both of them seemingly go out of the way to avoid referencing me. He knows she’s still married (she even wears her ring to his house), so it’s just something that leaves me feeling a bit insecure I guess.

She also confirmed with him here that she will go on BC for him. Again, hard to see as she refused for years with me and she immediately agreed to it after he passingly mentioned wanting to cum inside her. Again, I’m ok with it, so I’m letting it go, but the jealousy is fucking intense.

I’m not going to transcribe the entire convo because it’s another long one—they talked about how good she was in bed, how great her ass looks due to daily spin classes, how much it turns her on that she’s fucking a younger man (3 years younger lol). And then this exchange happened after discussing her ass:

F: I like when you grab mine as well

Wife: Well I need to grab it more because I like it too *wink*

F: Grab it and do whatever all you want

Wife: Whatever I want with it?!

F: Well not ANYTHING, but most

Wife: What do you want me to do with it haha

F: Ha surprise me with that one
F: No dildos, vibrators or plugs though. I draw the line somewhere hahaha

Wife: Should I bring my vibrator?

F: HAHAHA
F: So funny

Wife: Maybe I’ll put a finger up there?
Wife: Only fair since youre putting a dick in mine, right?!

F: As long as you lick it first
F: My ass that is

Wife: OMG is that a turn on for you?

F: It does feel good

Wife: I’ve never licked your ass

F: I know

Wife: But you like it

F: Won’t stop ya

Wife: That’s actually something I’ve never done and didn’t realize you’d like
Wife: But willing to explore

F: Oh yea?

Wife: I don’t know yet

F: No pressure and not expected

Wife: No. I’m not saying no I was just very surprised by the request

F: Oh geez, a request *facepalm emoji*
F: Not something I generally ask for. I just let it go and if it happens it happens

Wife: How often has it happened

F: Haha idk! I don’t keep count

Wife: Well you oddly have me captivated
Wife: I’m competitive so I’m asking

They then went on to discuss how they both love sex in public too and loved how she’d routinely blow him and swallow his cum in a public parking garage—so more of that is already in the works.

**

Ok, so I woke up to that last section and started writing this post. I’ll be honest, it’s a bit much for me. Licking his ass is a bit much—she kisses my kids, you know? It’s just all really extreme really fast. I don’t want to seem like a prude and I want her to have fun, but I just have you guys in my head telling me how fast this is going to go and you’ve been right.

For perspective here, she cucked me on Dec. 30. It’s now two weeks later and we’re talking about anal cream pies, BC and her eating his ass. Am I wrong to think this is a bit much?

It’s hard because it’s all a turn on too—so I’m sure you guys are loving this. But it’s my actual life lol. My wife is acting like his personal whore—zero boundaries that I can see.

Anyway, I have another big day ahead and then I fly back home early in the morning on Monday. I want to let this all marinate and see her again before I freak out. Yesterday sucked and I don’t want to repeat it. I just wish she’d give me a day to get home before she pushed more boundaries.

[Bomerang43]

I think they love explore sexual things together!

[scarfolamew]

Who am I? Am I the attractive, well dressed, muscular, gourmet chef who countless women would kill to be with? Or am I the pathetic, sexually inept, beta male who begs to lick another man’s cum off my wife?

Truthfully, I’m struggling with my identity. I haven’t found comfort in my own skin in this new dynamic. And I’m certain that’s not my wife’s fault.

I personally don't see it as a dichotomy. The fact that you have the courage to sieze life by the balls and share your wife also makes you 'alpha' or whatever. Most men would be way too cowardly!

I remember I had a friend in high school. Bunch of us were boasting / clowning each other about dick size (none of us had seen each other's dicks) but he just shrugged and said 'Mine's not that big. It is what it is.' My god, the fucking confidence and security to utter such a thing as a teenager. And of course this guy had maybe the least trouble pursuing and attracting women out of the lot of us.

Anyways, if you're a good looking bilingual chef AND someone with the balls and gumption to embrace the fact that you're a freak in the bedroom, that just makes you all the more of a hero in my worldview.

[drstrangelove]

Who am I? Am I the attractive, well dressed, muscular, gourmet chef who countless women would kill to be with? Or am I the pathetic, sexually inept, beta male who begs to lick another man’s cum off my wife?

Truthfully, I’m struggling with my identity. I haven’t found comfort in my own skin in this new dynamic. And I’m certain that’s not my wife’s fault.

I personally don't see it as a dichotomy. The fact that you have the courage to sieze life by the balls and share your wife also makes you 'alpha' or whatever. Most men would be way too cowardly!

I remember I had a friend in high school. Bunch of us were boasting / clowning each other about dick size (none of us had seen each other's dicks) but he just shrugged and said 'Mine's not that big. It is what it is.' My god, the fucking confidence and security to utter such a thing as a teenager. And of course this guy had maybe the least trouble pursuing and attracting women out of the lot of us.

Anyways, if you're a good looking bilingual chef AND someone with the balls and gumption to embrace the fact that you're a freak in the bedroom, that just makes you all the more of a hero in my worldview.

Sorry, so clarify, I’m a good home chef, not a professional cook! I just meant I’m a catch .

So today was a bit hard for me—her pushing to eat his ass after we discussed slowing down hours before hurt me. But we chatted and patched things up and things are good now.

It’s my last night in Rome and then I fly home tomorrow. Then the next date is Wednesday likely, so I’ll be back at it again soon…

[magnus]

The last few updates have been super hot and I really appreciate you sharing them with us. You are certainly living every cuck's dream at the moment, with all the ups and downs that make it so exciting yet so tense.

In regards to BC, it can have a powerful negative effect on a woman's libido due to hormonal disruption and it would be something I would be careful with, although I do understand it makes life much easier.

[drstrangelove]

The last few updates have been super hot and I really appreciate you sharing them with us. You are certainly living every cuck's dream at the moment, with all the ups and downs that make it so exciting yet so tense.

In regards to BC, it can have a powerful negative effect on a woman's libido due to hormonal disruption and it would be something I would be careful with, although I do understand it makes life much easier.

That’s a big concern because it was the reason she didn’t go back on it. Her libido cratered when she was on it years ago and that’s a major risk. Right now her sex drive is higher than mine and it’s awesome—it would suck if that went away.

And thank you for the kind words! It’s been a rollercoaster, but I try to remember I need to appreciate living out this dream right now. The ups are hopefully worth the downs!

Ultimately, as long as I feel I can reconnect with my wife and we can land on the same page, I’m comfortable. That was just hard this week with me traveling.

[drstrangelove]

I’m about to take off back to home and I thought I’d write a bit before the flight.

I think the one thing I can’t express clearly in my posts is how destabilizing this journey is. Feelings of insecurity and jealousy—which typically have never affected me—hit me like a typhoon.

So in that first chat I shared between my wife and F this week, there was a lot there for me to deal with—it’s too much for me to process all at once. So the big things: her offering unprotected anal and me possibly trying an anal cream pie or her offering to go on BC—those things are like nuclear bombs going off in my brain.

But then there are little things—things my brain puts aside because it’s focused on the nuke—but those things rot in my subconscious until I work to process them. They need to be addressed, but I may need hours or days to get to them because I haven’t gotten through the big stuff yet.

So then the next day, my wife kept moving forward—telling F she was down to lick his asshole. That felt like another nuke. I hadn’t recovered from the previous day’s nukes and hadn’t even begun to process the smaller stuff.

That’s when I break. It’s just too much, too fast for me to handle. And that is not something I’m used to—I’ve made a career out of thinking fast and dealing with crisis better than everyone else around me. But the last few weeks has really tested my mental and emotional capacity.

And as for the little things, one hit me last night. Reading about how great my wife thought the sex was on Feb. 24 during second hotel stay and reading F note how he came in my wife’s ass that night required my attention because those shifted narratives I had long left alone.

In March 2022, when we debriefed about the affair, my wife was adamant he didn’t cum in her ass. I didn’t believe her (what guy wouldn’t?), so it was a sticking point. But she maintained the lie. When I noted it this week, she gaslit me and told me she doesn’t remember what he did, but apparently he did.

It’s all a lie—she knew then he came in her ass and she knows now what happened—it’s all lies. And I don’t care about him cumming in her ass, but I do care about her lie then and her lie now. I also care that it revises what I had established as fact—it brings me back to the affair, and that’s a bad place for me to be.

Her reminiscing with him about how incredible the sex was that night is also not a big deal—it’s something she had admitted back in March 2022—but since then she has fought that idea with me; getting frustrated if I reference how much she enjoyed it. 2022 was such a dark time in our lives, she didn’t look back on that night fondly.

None of this really matters, except that it does in terms of my mental health—it’s what destabilizes me. Truth and transparency has been so important for me, and as transparent as she is, these stumbles undo a lot of her positive efforts.

We are now in “affair season”—it’s the two year anniversary. Last year I was a mess dealing with all the anniversary dates, but this year I’ve been fine (Jan 4, 2022, the first hotel stay, was the big one last year). I recognize that we are essentially rewriting that past—she’s doing all the same things with F again, but now with my consent, so the pain of the affair has dissipated.

What’s interesting is what happens when the facts of the affair change—even slightly—like they did this week. My brain can’t write over a document that is still being edited. It’s like dressing a wound being reopened. And I realize as they text and reminisce, my version of reality will constantly be challenged by theirs, which I know is more accurate.

It’s all very difficult for me to manage—and I’m trying my best—but I do think I can share this all as a fair warning to those looking to join this lifestyle. Whether or not it’s worth it is a separate question, but it’s undoubtedly not easy.

[Rogueuser1]

You're doing a great job handling this. Your wife is doing a great job handling this. You are openly communicating and enjoying the ride together. You know there are lies she told back then but it's better to think of that as "old her" that had to lie and go behind your back. The important part is that "current her" is being open and honest with you. Continue to encourage that rather than digging up the past. Most importantly keep talking!

[elina]

I agree with Rgueuser1

I think both you and your Wife is struggling with this.

Your Wife clearly has a very high sex-drive and a strong need to be taken by F and to give Herself to F.
From what you have written; I am guessing your WIfe is clearly struggling with accepting Herself and how willing and horny She is, I also supsect that at least one year ago, she was afraid that you might disown her if you really new everything.... Do your think I may be right?

You also have a strong drive towards being Her willing and supporting cuck, but have been struggling with being completely honest with both yourself and your wife.

I think you should now focus on the benefits of the two of you opening more up and becoming more open and honest about this. The best way to encourage your Wife to not hide anything from you in the future is to demonstrate that you accept Her and love Her like She is. Looks to me like you have been doing a great job of that lately. So your Wife forgot, or will not accept she hid this from you a year ago, but try to understand and accept and if you are able to that will probably be the best for both of you.

Sincerely
elina

[drstrangelove]

Thank you both for the kind messages. I’m back home and ready to reset. This week was a lot to handle, but it looks like the date is on for Wednesday evening. My wife let me know she had no intention of doing all the stuff in her texts this week, so there’s plenty of time for us to discuss BC. I also asked her to hold on tossing his salad as I don’t quite think I’m ready for that.

So we will probably fool around tonight and then abstain tomorrow as has become tradition. Wednesday will be a new boundary just on its own as it’s an evening date, which feels a bit more intimate. They also won’t have time constraints like the last two meets, so I’m curious to see how long she stays over.

[drstrangelove]

Interestingly, I checked on the convos she had now that I’m back home on another device. On multiple occasions, it’s clear she deleted texts before sending to me. But it’s a bit weird as none of it was too crazy—I noticed three anomalies:

1: F wrote that he loved fucking and cuming in her ass during the second hotel stay (during affair).

This was one I called out in my transcript as clearly her skipping a line from him when she sent the screen grab. It would make sense to cut that because it was a lie two years ago, except he said it again a bit later and she didn’t edit that one.

2. F said he liked when she took control, took the top and grabbed his throat.

Unsure why she would delete this exchange, but it was clearly deleted—the photo she sent looked seamless, so she deleted the texts locally on her phone.

3. She accidentally sent him a heart emoji instead of a wink emoji. And she caught herself and noted the mistake.

This is the obvious one she’d delete as she’d know that would have been a red flag for me.

Overall, I’m not sure how to react to it. I *hate* that she is being deceitful. I want to call her out, but I feel like that’s stupid as I’ll lose my ability to monitor this stuff without her knowing. It’s just a very frustrating feeling because it brings me back to the affair over really stupid stuff.

[elina]

Thanks DrSL

May i suggest you should not over-analyze things?
It is not for us mere simple men to understand how a Lady is thinking

Sincerely
elina