Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Lookingforadventure]

Hi! Relatively new to the forum and I'm loving all the information. My wife and I have been married for 10 years with kids. I relatively recently told her about my hotwife kink. She was actually really receptive and we have been having fun fantasizing. Our communication is great and sex life is on fire again. Our reservation about going much further comes down to how it would affect our life outside of our sex lives. I'm sure this question has been answered before, but searching this thread would take all day. How has pursuing this kink affected your relationship outside of your sex life? Does it mostly stay the same? Anything positive or negative that wasn't expected? Thanks in advance!

I would say that it has been all positive. With that said, there were some tougher moments along the way and we had to trust each other to be totally honest about how we were feeling or what we needed. Sometimes we needed to pause to give ourselves time to regroup and make sure we were both on the same page. If your communication is strong and you are committed to prioritizing each other, I think you will find it a great experience.

[Farmgirl]

Has any hotwife had negative effects from HRT such as nodules in breasts and was advised to stop HRT and if so how did you deal with the H flashes, dryness, internal thinning? And has any of you had negative health effects from lubes causing UTI's and such?

I have never had any reaction to lube, and have tried many before I found a few I like. Liquid Silk is currently my favorite. I have been on BioTe pellets for a few years now, and love it! About every 4 months I get new ones implanted in the upper part of my butt, and have a blood test to monitor levels of everything.
For me, there have only been great results and absolutely no downside.

Hopefully, others will give their experiences.

[Farmgirl]

Hi! Relatively new to the forum and I'm loving all the information. My wife and I have been married for 10 years with kids. I relatively recently told her about my hotwife kink. She was actually really receptive and we have been having fun fantasizing. Our communication is great and sex life is on fire again. Our reservation about going much further comes down to how it would affect our life outside of our sex lives. I'm sure this question has been answered before, but searching this thread would take all day. How has pursuing this kink affected your relationship outside of your sex life? Does it mostly stay the same? Anything positive or negative that wasn't expected? Thanks in advance!

I would say that it has been all positive. With that said, there were some tougher moments along the way and we had to trust each other to be totally honest about how we were feeling or what we needed. Sometimes we needed to pause to give ourselves time to regroup and make sure we were both on the same page. If your communication is strong and you are committed to prioritizing each other, I think you will find it a great experience.

Along with everything LFA said so well, It really has been great for us. Once we learned to communicate and trust, it didn't matter when we hit a pothole.
BTW, our lives are only better for it!

[grnlght]

Are BioTe pellets Estrogen based?

[Farmgirl]

Are BioTe pellets Estrogen based?

Your doctor does a blood test along with a questionnaire, and then BioTe formulates what you need. Generally, the pellets contain both testosterone and estrogen for both men and women. The amounts are based on what they need. You will be different from my husband and your wife will be different from me.

[grnlght]

Thanks for your reply. With her history of breast lumps and cancer in the family it was deemed risk out weighed rewards of HRT. So we are just trying to deal with the symptoms, Back story a bit she went through menopause at age 35 so her body in that respect is 10 years ahead of her age.

[Sexilexi]

Do any of you beautiful hotwives have boyfriends who are monogamous to you only? My wives boyfriend is now. They see each other once a week. He's 31 she's 44. She only plays with me and him now. She did have other lovers but has said two is enough for her.

I always find it interesting how every couple is so different in the way they do the lifestyle!

To answer your question I’ll share what we usually tell new friends:

“Some couples desire for their “bull” to see them only and other couples don’t care who you play with - as long as you’re safe! We(I) play with multiple men and will never ask you to only play with me. It’s your life! Do what you want!”

If they choose to only play with me, that’s their choice! We like to have communication open with “rules” (I hate saying rules but it’s the only thing I can think of lol) between us and our friends we allow to fuck me. It makes everything so much smoother.

So I’m not sure if any of our friends are monogamous to me only. lol. But I’m not monogamous to any of them LOL.

I love that your wife knows what her limits are… if no more than two is all she can handle… then bravo to her for recognizing it!

-Lexi

[candygirl]

New to the HW scene. Need advice. Im 32, hot looking , great body. 36C implants.

First time with a bull, should my husband be present ? Or is it better to be alone, so Im less inhibited? Do I spend the night with him

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum candygirl. I am pretty sure you are going to hear people say it's up to you.

[Farmgirl]

New to the HW scene. Need advice. Im 32, hot looking , great body. 36C implants.

First time with a bull, should my husband be present ? Or is it better to be alone, so Im less inhibited? Do I spend the night with him

All of your questions are per what you want, and each of us is different .
I play solo and tell my husband afterward all of the details. That way he is included, yet I don't have to feel like I'm just putting on a show. I don't spend the night or have my boyfriend spend the night unless my husband is out of town or we are at a convention or such.
This is how I do things, but your way is for you to decide, and how your husband feels.

[Parsifal]

It sometimes strikes me as odd how so many hotwives are so completely devoted to their husbands yet their best sex is with their lovers. Maybe that observation by me is delusional. Dear HWs, if I'm mistaken about you, tell.

I believe you when you express devotion for your husbands in these posts. And the way you describe your other experiences, it does seem many of you like them better. You may say it's different, and I will agree with you. But by definition, different subsumes better, it also subsumes worse.

My Q, dear HWs - What is the dynamic of your devotion? I'm especially interested in the answers of the devoted ones for whom it's better in some sense with her lover.

[Farmgirl]

It sometimes strikes me as odd how so many hotwives are so completely devoted to their husbands yet their best sex is with their lovers. Maybe that observation by me is delusional. Dear HWs, if I'm mistaken about you, tell.

I believe you when you express devotion for your husbands in these posts. And the way you describe your other experiences, it does seem many of you like them better. You may say it's different, and I will agree with you. But by definition, different subsumes better, it also subsumes worse.

My Q, dear HWs - What is the dynamic of your devotion? I'm especially interested in the answers of the devoted ones for whom it's better in some sense with her lover.

I know, my friend, that you and I have dipped into this arena privately, and I hope other Hotwives will give their views as well.

For me, I am devoted to my husband, my Number1. He is my anchor, my strength, my warrior, partner, my best friend, and lover. Sex with him is great, he knows all of my buttons, and how to push and tweak them . But, then, he is the husband. The one that not only shares all of my good times but also the mediocre and the bad.
With a boyfriend, I mostly see only the good. Sure, we share some of our day-to-day ups and downs, but not to the extent we do with our spouses. Sex with a boyfriend is always fresher, naughty, and taboo. In some ways, I can be a little more free with a lover, at least in my mind. With a lover, I can completely let go and be a naughty slut fully enjoying the taboo of another man. And, then I can go home and tell my husband all about it and be his naughty slut, and enjoy knowing I have thrilled my husband with the taboo. I win on both ends, I'm both my lover's slut, and my husband's slut at the same time.
Most of us will say that the sex isn't better, just different. But, sex with another man is naughty, taboo, and exciting, for those reasons. And, on the other side, it's exciting for what it does to my husband. I have a loving husband who adores me and wants me to enjoy lovers, which makes for great sex too!

[Lookingforadventure]

It sometimes strikes me as odd how so many hotwives are so completely devoted to their husbands yet their best sex is with their lovers. Maybe that observation by me is delusional. Dear HWs, if I'm mistaken about you, tell.

I believe you when you express devotion for your husbands in these posts. And the way you describe your other experiences, it does seem many of you like them better. You may say it's different, and I will agree with you. But by definition, different subsumes better, it also subsumes worse.

My Q, dear HWs - What is the dynamic of your devotion? I'm especially interested in the answers of the devoted ones for whom it's better in some sense with her lover.

When my husband is in a cuckold mood, he wants me to say that sex with my boyfriend is better than it is with him. I always shift my response to focus on all the things my boyfriend is great at in bed, but I can't bring myself to say that it is better.

To me, sex is way more than the physical acts and orgasmic release. The mental and motional aspects are as big a part of "great sex" as the activities that take place...maybe even more so. With my boyfriend, those emotional aspects are amazing. As Farmgirl described, they have a sense of naughtiness to them. They make me feel desired and sexy. There is new relationship energy and the butterflies that come with that. I love it!

With my husband, the emotional aspects are deeper. He just knows me better. There can be intimate and romantic sex that makes me feel like I'm someone's main person forever. There are moments that remind me of our history or make me think about our future and all of that just fills me with a depth of feeling that can't be matched by anyone else. When the sex with my husband is more playful or naughty, it still feels different than with a boyfriend because he knows exactly what buttons to push. Sometimes he deliberately pushes my limits because he knows it'll bug me, but then I see his devious smile and I have to laugh at it.

All of which is to say that sex with someone who isn't my husband isn't better, it is just different. I kind of love having both!

[greyman21_2001]

Posted below in Wannabe forum but would be interested in VHW input

I [38M] have had a hotwife fetish for a long time, probably a decade.

I have introduced my wife to it through erotica and buying lifelike toys and naming them. She is great at role play, great at saying the right things but has never been overly turned on by it. Its been clear that the fetish is mine and she participates to be supportive of me.

Last night we played our usual thing where she uses a dildo and we mutually masturbate and I go down on her while she plays.

The twist last night was that she asked me to lick her toy to get it ready for her. She enjoyed that I paused and thought about it before hand and that she was pushing my boundaries the same way my fetish pushes hers. So I did what I was asked to do I licked it for her and it turned her on. Not something abhorrent for me but not something that does much for me EXCEPT that it turned her on. She seemed confused that it did something for her.

She then explained that, while shes never been interested in having a 3rd involved, that having a third that was interested in both of us was interesting to her in this moment. It made it feel more like we were participating in the fantasy together and I wasn't putting something on her. She stopped while she was enjoying herself with her toy and said "imagine he is in me right now and he reaches down and starts stroking you" then asked me to add something and I mentioned that my tongue has some incidental contact while I go down on her during her play. When she finished she asked me to lick her cum off the toy.

Has anyone had there wife move into the lifestyle this way? What would be the best way for me to support her interest so it becomes a reality. At the end of it she said that she likes that shes turning "my" thing into "her" thing.

[Farmgirl]

Posted below in Wannabe forum but would be interested in VHW input

I [38M] have had a hotwife fetish for a long time, probably a decade.

I have introduced my wife to it through erotica and buying lifelike toys and naming them. She is great at role play, great at saying the right things but has never been overly turned on by it. Its been clear that the fetish is mine and she participates to be supportive of me.

Last night we played our usual thing where she uses a dildo and we mutually masturbate and I go down on her while she plays.

The twist last night was that she asked me to lick her toy to get it ready for her. She enjoyed that I paused and thought about it before hand and that she was pushing my boundaries the same way my fetish pushes hers. So I did what I was asked to do I licked it for her and it turned her on. Not something abhorrent for me but not something that does much for me EXCEPT that it turned her on. She seemed confused that it did something for her.

She then explained that, while shes never been interested in having a 3rd involved, that having a third that was interested in both of us was interesting to her in this moment. It made it feel more like we were participating in the fantasy together and I wasn't putting something on her. She stopped while she was enjoying herself with her toy and said "imagine he is in me right now and he reaches down and starts stroking you" then asked me to add something and I mentioned that my tongue has some incidental contact while I go down on her during her play. When she finished she asked me to lick her cum off the toy.

Has anyone had there wife move into the lifestyle this way? What would be the best way for me to support her interest so it becomes a reality. At the end of it she said that she likes that shes turning "my" thing into "her" thing.

From what I get out of your words, you need to work on your communication so that you two can openly discuss what she wants. Otherwise, it's too vague to build on.

[irishstag41]

Do any of you beautiful hotwives have boyfriends who are monogamous to you only? My wives boyfriend is now. They see each other once a week. He's 31 she's 44. She only plays with me and him now. She did have other lovers but has said two is enough for her.

I always find it interesting how every couple is so different in the way they do the lifestyle!

To answer your question I’ll share what we usually tell new friends:

“Some couples desire for their “bull” to see them only and other couples don’t care who you play with - as long as you’re safe! We(I) play with multiple men and will never ask you to only play with me. It’s your life! Do what you want!”

If they choose to only play with me, that’s their choice! We like to have communication open with “rules” (I hate saying rules but it’s the only thing I can think of lol) between us and our friends we allow to fuck me. It makes everything so much smoother.

So I’m not sure if any of our friends are monogamous to me only. lol. But I’m not monogamous to any of them LOL.

I love that your wife knows what her limits are… if no more than two is all she can handle… then bravo to her for recognizing it!

-Lexi

Thank you.
When we first started this adventure our fear was she would get feelings for a boyfriend. This happened and has turned out to be a positive.
Thanks for your reply

[Jimbo7giveher]

So I'm responding to the original post...I want to ask the hotwives on here a question. If you have been involved in mmf or mmmf or had multiple men take turns fucking you...how was it? would you do it again? whats the best way for you to enjoy it, like a gang bang thing or you boys take a number and go one at a time. I have having a party for my wife tommorow and there will be three guys plus me there. she wants the boys to draw numbers for order and go back to the bedroom one at a time an fuck her. Im going last...my choice. any advice?

[Marinecuckplease]

So for all of you newer hotwifes that had a ton of online information at your disposal, what kind of information did you find? Was it generally good? Bad? I ask because id like to have as many answers for her as i can when i bring up the subject. When i look info up im looking at it through my eyes not a monagamous female whos only ever been with 1 guy.

[Lookingforadventure]

So I'm responding to the original post...I want to ask the hotwives on here a question. If you have been involved in mmf or mmmf or had multiple men take turns fucking you...how was it? would you do it again? whats the best way for you to enjoy it, like a gang bang thing or you boys take a number and go one at a time. I have having a party for my wife tommorow and there will be three guys plus me there. she wants the boys to draw numbers for order and go back to the bedroom one at a time an fuck her. Im going last...my choice. any advice?

I haven't been involved in group sex that was more than two men, so maybe my perspective isn't what you are looking for. But with two guys, I've enjoyed both simultaneous activity (e.g. a spitroast or our attempt at a DP) and I've liked when they've tag teamed and each taken turns. In the later situation, I was always the focus of someone's attention and it gave the guys a chance to recover.

If your wife wants guys one at a time, I can understand that. It will give her the opportunity to focus on what's happening. It also gives her a bit more control. What scares me about group sex in larger numbers is that I wouldn't be able to slow things down or stop something if there are too many other things happening at the same time.

And you going last sounds perfect. You can kick everyone else out and enjoy being with just the two of you

Let us know how it goes.

[Lookingforadventure]

So for all of you newer hotwifes that had a ton of online information at your disposal, what kind of information did you find? Was it generally good? Bad? I ask because id like to have as many answers for her as i can when i bring up the subject. When i look info up im looking at it through my eyes not a monagamous female whos only ever been with 1 guy.

I am a newer hot wife (Around 3 years now). I didn't do a lot of online research beforehand. Instead, I did a lot of talking with my husband about what it might look like, and what would happen if X,Y, or Z happened. And we also started very slowly with me getting to set the pace of whatever activity we decided to try. For example, we started with an anonymous profile online and some sexy but not nude photos. It got some positive attention, so we moved to me chatting with folks (Still anonymously and totally online). The key was that I got to decide who I was talking to and how the conversation went. If we shared photos, I got to choose which ones. My husband and I also checked in a lot about how we were each feeling.

After we had taken several steps towards nonmonogamy, I did enjoy reading "The Ethical Slut." We also found a few podcasts that I enjoyed. And this site was invaluable too. I hope this helps.

[irishstag41]

A question for the ladies,
Recently my wife had a conversation with her friend regarding our lifestyle. She had had a few drinks and divulged to her about the fact she had a boyfriend. She told me this today.
We had an understanding not to talk so I was a little pizzed tbh. In this liberal world it seems the lifestyle is the last taboo. Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing. I'm not giving my wife shit over it, I'm just paranoid about the fall out.
Am I wrong

[Sexilexi]

A question for the ladies,
Recently my wife had a conversation with her friend regarding our lifestyle. She had had a few drinks and divulged to her about the fact she had a boyfriend. She told me this today.
We had an understanding not to talk so I was a little pizzed tbh. In this liberal world it seems the lifestyle is the last taboo. Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing. I'm not giving my wife shit over it, I'm just paranoid about the fall out.
Am I wrong

IrishStag,

Your feelings and emotions are never to be taken for granted. They are valid, always. You’re human just like all of us.

You have to ask yourself why you got pissed about it?

1) She told a friend when you both agreed not to tell anyone
Or
2) Fear of the/your “world” knowing
Or
3) What else?
Or
4) All of it?

Once you find out why you’re upset about it, then you can sort the situation with you feeling “am I wrong?”.

IMHO- if you both agreed to keep it between the two of you, then you’re not wrong to be upset that she shared with a friend. I would recommend having a deep conversation about it and what the future looks like now that a friend knows your secret. Then go from there…

Side note - you’re not wrong with the LS being a small taboo within our liberal world lol… so deep breaths and know that there is a HIGH chance that you and your wife will be fine.

-Lexi

[Jimbo7giveher]

So I'm responding to the original post...I want to ask the hotwives on here a question. If you have been involved in mmf or mmmf or had multiple men take turns fucking you...how was it? would you do it again? whats the best way for you to enjoy it, like a gang bang thing or you boys take a number and go one at a time. I have having a party for my wife tommorow and there will be three guys plus me there. she wants the boys to draw numbers for order and go back to the bedroom one at a time an fuck her. Im going last...my choice. any advice?

I haven't been involved in group sex that was more than two men, so maybe my perspective isn't what you are looking for. But with two guys, I've enjoyed both simultaneous activity (e.g. a spitroast or our attempt at a DP) and I've liked when they've tag teamed and each taken turns. In the later situation, I was always the focus of someone's attention and it gave the guys a chance to recover.

If your wife wants guys one at a time, I can understand that. It will give her the opportunity to focus on what's happening. It also gives her a bit more control. What scares me about group sex in larger numbers is that I wouldn't be able to slow things down or stop something if there are too many other things happening at the same time.

And you going last sounds perfect. You can kick everyone else out and enjoy being with just the two of you

Let us know how it goes.

thank you looking. it went well. see viewtopic.php?f=5&t=73094
three showed up. hot tub between sessions. she did not do the draw numbers thing, just let it unfold. worked out great. we have had bad experiences...guys that couldnt get it up, guys that could stay hard, guys that couldnt finish...this went well. all hard as a rock and all were well endowed and energetic.

[snoogaloo82]

So I'm responding to the original post...I want to ask the hotwives on here a question. If you have been involved in mmf or mmmf or had multiple men take turns fucking you...how was it? would you do it again? whats the best way for you to enjoy it, like a gang bang thing or you boys take a number and go one at a time. I have having a party for my wife tommorow and there will be three guys plus me there. she wants the boys to draw numbers for order and go back to the bedroom one at a time an fuck her. Im going last...my choice. any advice?

I haven't been involved in group sex that was more than two men, so maybe my perspective isn't what you are looking for. But with two guys, I've enjoyed both simultaneous activity (e.g. a spitroast or our attempt at a DP) and I've liked when they've tag teamed and each taken turns. In the later situation, I was always the focus of someone's attention and it gave the guys a chance to recover.

If your wife wants guys one at a time, I can understand that. It will give her the opportunity to focus on what's happening. It also gives her a bit more control. What scares me about group sex in larger numbers is that I wouldn't be able to slow things down or stop something if there are too many other things happening at the same time.

And you going last sounds perfect. You can kick everyone else out and enjoy being with just the two of you

Let us know how it goes.

thank you looking. it went well. see viewtopic.php?f=5&t=73094
three showed up. hot tub between sessions. she did not do the draw numbers thing, just let it unfold. worked out great. we have had bad experiences...guys that couldnt get it up, guys that could stay hard, guys that couldnt finish...this went well. all hard as a rock and all were well endowed and energetic.

I never thought of the potential pitfalls of group sex. Thanks for enlightening us to the highlights of a good session!!!

[snoogaloo82]

What advantages do you find in being a verified hotwife. I am asking so that I can best tell my sweetie about it.