New Hotwife - and this is how it began

[parklife]

I do hope we get to read about your law student. Regardless of what you call him (fuck buddy, stunt cock, lover, nothing at all), I’m sure it will make for a god story. I call my wife’s others “Friend-with-Benefits” because that is the closest approximation of what they are. She’s never had a play date with anyone that wasn’t a platonic male friend first. She doesn’t call them anything, she just has “extracurricular activities”.

I think it’s good to pause early on… look at all you’ve accomplished in a relatively short period of time. And the pausing has allowed the two of you to delve into your feelings talk adnauseam, but that’s ultimately allowed you to see speed bumps before they turn into potholes.

And I think in general it’s true that bonds are only as strong as their weakest link and being able to expose those and see them to address them now before decades have allowed them to fester and weaken is the sign of a healthy relationship that can co to use to develop and grow.

Hope the good times continue to roll….

[zumiruni]

My best friend kissed me last night and I kissed her back.

Let me back up.

Law student ghosted me back in February. Really unfortunate timing, given that the last text I sent him was a raunchy invitation of what I’d like him to do to me with my ass up in the air. I don’t hate him for it – he’s young, busy, generally an avoidant type. I get it. But being left in a vulnerable position made me hate myself a little. Why is a married lady putting her ass in the air for a 25 year old anyway?

Shame.

The other bit of unfortunate timing was that my favorite fuck buddy (long distance, lives in a city we’ll be moving to this summer for unrelated reasons) had just taken a step back, a “break,” but I figured that was the end of it. I didn’t blame him for it – he’s got his own life and doesn’t owe me anything. I get it. What is a married lady feeling sad and rejected for anyway?

Dumb.

He reconnected after the month was over like he said he would. Points. But I’m more guarded this time. Currently taking a step back of my own because I’m going through various stages of procrastination – packing a house littered with hotwheels and legos is a bitch – and I keep opening the dumb messaging app like an addict. Not even expecting anything to be there but somehow still disappointed when there’s nothing there to distract me. Delete the app, remove the opportunity for disappointment and distraction.

Law student texted after 3 months of silence – “hey stranger.” When he left my ass in the air I didn’t try to track him down. We had exchanged phone numbers and I’m not going to be the insane lady who’s blowing up anybody’s phone. I kindly let him know I didn’t like being ghosted. “I know, I’m sorry.” Told him he was fun and sexy, that I’d had a good time with him, good luck with the rest of school. That was that. I’m kind but I’m not a doormat. Just as well. I think he wanted me to be his “mommy” but he never would really say what he wanted. Just be real and say what you want. I might have tried to play along but wouldn’t have enjoyed it. I have enough asses to wipe.

Can somebody take care of me for once?

Which sort of leads me to the present moment. My best (local) friend is one person in my life who leaves me feeling cared for. A midwife, nurturing is her nature. We share that in common. She’s the friend I’ll leave to go have one drink with and end up tiptoeing into the house well after midnight because we got caught up spilling our guts to each other. The only irl person I’ve told about all this. It’s nice to have someone to tell all the weird things I’ve done, knowing that she’s not going to judge me.

I went out with my friend and her boyfriend last night and smoked a cigarette – haven’t done that in a decade – and now I feel gross. I’m putting off packing for the morning because I woke up with a headache. And I just have to write this down. I think I still feel good about it all, but writing brings post-nut clarity.

We have another friend who was talking about having a threesome with her husband.

*By the way, quick note, all of these people are completely normal. See them walking their dog or at a pta meeting and you’d never think, gee I wonder if they’re unicorn hunting.*

So weeks back she was telling me about this friend who was talking about having a threesome with her husband and how every time she hung out with them the couple would get all flirty with her and then be like “oh just joking” but clearly weren’t joking. And I told her why not? Go for it. I’d do it, Beth is hot. And she said Nah, think I’ll avoid that. But I’ll tell her you’re into it. Haha. Well I see Beth because she works at the library and I take my kid there for story time. Normal. Fucking. People. And the next few times I see her she smiles a little bigger and hugs me a little longer. One time playfully tapping my ass in passing. There is no one to talk to about these things. I’m a 33 year old nurse/housewife living in Suburbia USA and my friends want to fuck me

Anyway last night. Hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend who’s visiting from out of town. They are just chill fun people and it’s not weird at all when the conversation goes toward “oh you’re in an open relationship, right?” Well, sort of. Am I? Talk of threesomes comes up. When asked hypothetically I say sure I’d do that.

I’m not telling the story the way I wanted to. Writing it out a play by play doesn’t communicate the moment as it was. What I want to say is – I have this really good friend who I trust and love. And when she kissed me it felt really nice. Not weird at all. I liked kissing her back. I’ve never kissed a girl before. Girls who kissed each other in high school or college always seemed to be doing it for the attention of dumb guys, that never interested me. This felt genuine and really lovely. I liked her small soft lips. The way her hand rested on my face. Such a strange combination of friendly and sexy. Curious and caring all at once. I brushed a curl behind her ear. We smiled and hugged goodbye, talk soon. Her boyfriend missed it, which made it all the more genuine. There was no performance. I like men, but that was nice.

When I got home I told my husband and he chuckled. It’s getting really hard to shock him, he was somehow not surprised at all. Who knows if anything else happens. But I’d do it. My favorite part is that I don’t think our friendship would change at all. Life is weird.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

Thanks for checking in Zumiruni. You actually described the intensity of that kiss quite well. Sounds like you have been enjoying reliving that moment today, and would like to explore more of those new, and surprisingly pleasant sensations.

I do hope you get the opportunity to further explore this in the midst of all your packing and moving stressors.

Mr GILF

[parklife]

Can somebody take care of me for once?

You’re the hotwife…. You’re the one who should be being take care of period…. That’s the point!

And yes, I’ll raise my hand screaming “pick me” “pick me”

It sounds like you had a great moment. Who knows where it may lead but I’m a firm believer that the journey is often more important and better than the destination. I hope so for you and it would put a rather nice booked end to your time in suburbia if you went out on a high note.

Before really meeting my wife I used to go to a dance club (electronic music club where the beat was pumping till 6am). I noticed her for weeks before we officially met and she would go every weekend with a particular girlfriend. They would kiss in an effort to appear “together” to keep guys away from them. I was enamored with her but never approached because I had assumed she was in a relationship with this other female. Oh the weeks I lost being shy and full of self doubt. I’m sure there was an element of performance to it but she was also on E so she was feeling the good vibes regardless.

Hope you continue to have fun (and continue to share).

[PaNic]

This is a great read Zumiruni,
Love your stream of consciousness style and the loving stops and starts the two of you are enacting. I hope you continue writing your story here I’m all ears...

[zumiruni]

I don’t want to be your hotwife. I want to be your naked friend. Pt. 1

Our last month in the Midwest was busy and fulfilling. I didn’t end up exploring any further with my friend, that ended up being a see you later kiss. She was busy with her own move across town, and when you get two default parents together… well - good luck getting two default parents together. Our friendship is unchanged and she plans to visit this year.

Her kiss did ignite a certain kind of horniness. The kind that got me browsing through Feeld noncommittally. There was a profile I’d seen before that caught my eye for the reason that he reminded me of my husband. Magnetic kind eyes with the crinkles at the sides, proof that he smiles often and for real. I have yet to meet a person with eye crinkles who is untrustworthy. Not any particular definition as to what he was or what he was looking for. Just that he was open, curious. Of note, poly listed in his interests. So likely ENM friendly. I absentmindedly hit the like button and got the connection notification instantly.

I’ve learned to be selective with the like button and hardly ever press it. I see what everyone has said about dating apps - so many men hitting likes left and right just to try to catch something, leaving the women overwhelmed and unsure where to start. I try to make a point to engage with matches rather than letting it sit there unattended and I get easily overstimulated at baseline.

So I had an oh shit moment. Now I have to engage. But he was cute and friendly and got right to the point. I said I’m sorry, I feel silly for even matching because I’m moving in a month, I had logged on when I was feeling particularly horny, I tend to get crushes and didn’t want to get attached. He was the right level of persistent. Said I was probably over complicating things. I’d used the word canoodling in my sorry I can’t message and he said it turned him on. Ok, now I’m turned on - you liked my words? When and where?

We met for a drink. He ate dinner because he’d just run 7 miles. He talked the entire time, most often without taking a breath. I loved it. He listened intently and responded cleverly whenever I talked. But then he’d rattle on again, telling me all about his world. Thank you.

When I’m listening

I love listening

I lean in a bit, keep my eyes on the subject, nod and smile - smirk - snicker in response. His eyes darted all around and would land on mine briefly. Kept shin contact under the table the whole time. He mentioned the eye contact -

do you always do this?
Oh I’m sorry, is that weird? Yeah I do, this is just how I listen.
Ok you are just really paying attention.
…yeah

I went to the restroom, then he went. When he sat back down I said, “so R, where are we going to go?”

He was speechless, truly did not believe the night was going to end like this. “Well I guess we can go to my place. Yeah let’s go to my place” in between disbelieving chuckles. I loved it. Really? Turns out he hadn’t had much luck with app connections. Fakes, flakes, etc. That ain’t me. I’m not meeting you unless I feel it with you. Yes, feel it. I have feelings, ok? I never caught them, they already exist. They flicker, glow, burn in the company of certain individuals and I’m a pro at regulating them.

I rode in his truck to his place. It felt risky+freeing/safe+lovely 40/60. Good ratio. He’s a cat guy, and while I am 100% a dog woman (cats, really? sit around and wait for their love?) I’ve never met a cat man who was untrustworthy. He jibber jabbered the whole way there. Continued when we pulled up to his house, I’ll never remember what about. And then he just kissed me when I least expected it. Top 3 first kiss level. Pawed and kissed our way into the house. Such a good kisser. He was embarrassed about the clutter, really didn’t expect the night would end like this. I could’ve cared less and told him so as I felt him up. He led me to his bedroom that was suspiciously neat… he’d hoped

The sex was unexpectedly amazing. I feel like I describe the details of sex in a really unsexy way, so bear with me as I try. However quirky and disorganized he might have come across in conversation, all of that disappeared in the way he moved his body. I don’t know if our bodies just fit together particularly well or if he’s just always that good, but I’ve never been closer to coming with penetration alone. I can’t even describe it. He was so sure about the things he was doing, and then he’d occasionally just start giggling, again saying he couldn’t believe this was happening. The way he looked at me, so genuinely pleased. I felt like a magical fairy.

I got in a lot of trouble that night. Made mistakes that when you read about other hotwives doing you see comments flooding about how disrespectful, how thoughtless, you need to reign her in. And those judgements are not wrong. What I did was thoughtless and definitely didn’t show respect to my husband. And it was completely unintentional. Doesn’t make it any better. I got so caught up I forgot to text when we were leaving the restaurant. Then I dropped my purse by the door, forgetting to bring my phone to keep nearby. My husband rightfully freaked out, I had more than a few missed calls, he’d started to fear the worst. Big big fuck up. Took us a few days to repair. It’s still a sore spot and I still feel terrible about it.

R and I saw each other about once a week until we moved. I liked the dates and the openness to be able to form a genuine friendship. I liked how one moment we were talking about workplace monotony and the next we were jumping each others bones. I liked how he trusted me to let me in. I liked not feeling like a fetish. I just felt like me.

It was sort of sad to say goodbye. But not a heavy sadness. Just like a bittersweet mutual - thanks for the connection. We still chat from time to time about things friends would chat about, flirtation mixed in. He might be a comet, never know when paths might cross again.

I’m really grateful to my husband for supporting these unconventional friendships. Especially as it’s morphed into something different from what he originally pictured. The mental/emotional connections that I form still stretch his comfort levels. But each time he’s still my horny little freak, deliciously hard as I slide in between the sheets and do my best to tease him with details before spooning him to sleep.

[parklife]

If I could insert fireworks and a way to fucking go meme, I’d enter it here…. What a note. Love those connections and those people that can fall into and out of our lives with no drama, just good vibes all around and acceptance of taking what life gives in that moment.

So glad to see you write again.

[zumiruni]

I don’t want to be your hotwife. I want to be your naked friend. Pt. 2

To say that the last year of hotwifing has fanned the flame in our marriage bed would be an understatement. It’s also stretched us in understanding ourselves and each other more deeply. With plenty of plot twists and mistakes it’s definitely challenged what we thought was a solid history of communication. We’ve grown in our ability to repair with plenty of practice.

With our big move also came a big decrease in baseline day to day stress. Our family is starting a chapter the two of us have been looking forward to for the last 13 years. It’s a big transition. I haven’t felt this free and secure since a magical summer I spent in a small mountain town, well, 13 years ago. We keep looking at each other like, I can’t believe we’re here. The kids either lose or break everything we own. Potty training is the worst. But we can feel the buzzy warmth of the good old days happening right in front of us. The simple moments feel romantic. The difficult moments brush off so much more easily.

We’ve had lots of really open honest and sort of groundbreaking conversations surrounding our ENM exploration. My husband’s brain is such that there are about 80 tabs open and active at any given point in time. His sexual curiosity is no exception. His trust in me over the past year has grown my trust in him and the security of our relationship. Our dirty talk and fantasy life together is more adventurous, and it’s moving in directions I never thought I’d be comfortable with. The first time I saw spit roasting or had even heard of it was a year ago and I was appalled. Now it’s at the top of my list. Thinking about my husband being with someone else sexually doesn’t completely make me want to cut out all my insides anymore. Nothing’s solidly decided. There was something I’d wanted to check in on first before making any changes.

We might venture outside the realm of hotwifing. This set up can start to feel a bit limiting. I don’t know if we actually fit into any of the molds. The more I read and learn, I wonder if I might identify with demisexuality. Everything’s a spectrum of course. But I don’t know how well that realistically fits with hotwifing.

I love our new city. This part of the country is so beautiful everywhere you look. The people are kind and a little bit weird. There’s so much to see and do. I fill a bowl of blackberries from the quickly ripening bushes surrounding our rent house each night. I water the lavender in our front beds and breathe more deeply than I have in a while. Every day feels like a vacation.

And.
I’m sad.
And it feels a little heavier than saying see you later to R.

It’s really hard for me to leave a ripe blackberry unpicked. They grow like weeds all over. I’m sure the locals are unfazed, but I just get so excited when I see them ripening and the branches start bowing over. I have a designated blackberry picking outfit, because I kept brushing against the thorns reaching for the clusters higher up.

Why is it that the juiciest ones are just out of reach?

I get so into it, tip toes on a step stool, determined to not let good fruit go wasted. But even with a step stool I’m a pretty short lady. So I’ll reach as far as I can but I get pricked by a thorn. I’ll pause, reassess, try again. I might brush the fruit with my fingertips and godddd

I want it in my mouth.

But I still can’t reach it. My hand is starting to hurt from all the thorns guarding the prize. My arm is getting tired. The blackberry might as well be growing on the other coast. It’s frustrating. And it’s only my fault. I’m the one who keeps grabbing for it. The berry’s enjoying its time in the sun. My skirmish with the thorns isn’t any of it’s responsibility. I keep coming back to it, just staring. Wishing it could move itself just an inch closer. At some point this just becomes self harm.

I put away the step stool and try to move on to something less frustrating.

I still just really fucking want that blackberry.

[Long Lurker 34]

I don’t want to be your hotwife. I want to be your naked friend. Pt. 1

Our last month in the Midwest was busy and fulfilling. I didn’t end up exploring any further with my friend, that ended up being a see you later kiss. She was busy with her own move across town, and when you get two default parents together… well - good luck getting two default parents together. Our friendship is unchanged and she plans to visit this year.

Her kiss did ignite a certain kind of horniness. The kind that got me browsing through Feeld noncommittally. There was a profile I’d seen before that caught my eye for the reason that he reminded me of my husband. Magnetic kind eyes with the crinkles at the sides, proof that he smiles often and for real. I have yet to meet a person with eye crinkles who is untrustworthy. Not any particular definition as to what he was or what he was looking for. Just that he was open, curious. Of note, poly listed in his interests. So likely ENM friendly. I absentmindedly hit the like button and got the connection notification instantly.

I’ve learned to be selective with the like button and hardly ever press it. I see what everyone has said about dating apps - so many men hitting likes left and right just to try to catch something, leaving the women overwhelmed and unsure where to start. I try to make a point to engage with matches rather than letting it sit there unattended and I get easily overstimulated at baseline.

So I had an oh shit moment. Now I have to engage. But he was cute and friendly and got right to the point. I said I’m sorry, I feel silly for even matching because I’m moving in a month, I had logged on when I was feeling particularly horny, I tend to get crushes and didn’t want to get attached. He was the right level of persistent. Said I was probably over complicating things. I’d used the word canoodling in my sorry I can’t message and he said it turned him on. Ok, now I’m turned on - you liked my words? When and where?

We met for a drink. He ate dinner because he’d just run 7 miles. He talked the entire time, most often without taking a breath. I loved it. He listened intently and responded cleverly whenever I talked. But then he’d rattle on again, telling me all about his world. Thank you.

When I’m listening

I love listening

I lean in a bit, keep my eyes on the subject, nod and smile - smirk - snicker in response. His eyes darted all around and would land on mine briefly. Kept shin contact under the table the whole time. He mentioned the eye contact -

do you always do this?
Oh I’m sorry, is that weird? Yeah I do, this is just how I listen.
Ok you are just really paying attention.
…yeah

I went to the restroom, then he went. When he sat back down I said, “so R, where are we going to go?”

He was speechless, truly did not believe the night was going to end like this. “Well I guess we can go to my place. Yeah let’s go to my place” in between disbelieving chuckles. I loved it. Really? Turns out he hadn’t had much luck with app connections. Fakes, flakes, etc. That ain’t me. I’m not meeting you unless I feel it with you. Yes, feel it. I have feelings, ok? I never caught them, they already exist. They flicker, glow, burn in the company of certain individuals and I’m a pro at regulating them.

I rode in his truck to his place. It felt risky+freeing/safe+lovely 40/60. Good ratio. He’s a cat guy, and while I am 100% a dog woman (cats, really? sit around and wait for their love?) I’ve never met a cat man who was untrustworthy. He jibber jabbered the whole way there. Continued when we pulled up to his house, I’ll never remember what about. And then he just kissed me when I least expected it. Top 3 first kiss level. Pawed and kissed our way into the house. Such a good kisser. He was embarrassed about the clutter, really didn’t expect the night would end like this. I could’ve cared less and told him so as I felt him up. He led me to his bedroom that was suspiciously neat… he’d hoped

The sex was unexpectedly amazing. I feel like I describe the details of sex in a really unsexy way, so bear with me as I try. However quirky and disorganized he might have come across in conversation, all of that disappeared in the way he moved his body. I don’t know if our bodies just fit together particularly well or if he’s just always that good, but I’ve never been closer to coming with penetration alone. I can’t even describe it. He was so sure about the things he was doing, and then he’d occasionally just start giggling, again saying he couldn’t believe this was happening. The way he looked at me, so genuinely pleased. I felt like a magical fairy.

I got in a lot of trouble that night. Made mistakes that when you read about other hotwives doing you see comments flooding about how disrespectful, how thoughtless, you need to reign her in. And those judgements are not wrong. What I did was thoughtless and definitely didn’t show respect to my husband. And it was completely unintentional. Doesn’t make it any better. I got so caught up I forgot to text when we were leaving the restaurant. Then I dropped my purse by the door, forgetting to bring my phone to keep nearby. My husband rightfully freaked out, I had more than a few missed calls, he’d started to fear the worst. Big big fuck up. Took us a few days to repair. It’s still a sore spot and I still feel terrible about it.

R and I saw each other about once a week until we moved. I liked the dates and the openness to be able to form a genuine friendship. I liked how one moment we were talking about workplace monotony and the next we were jumping each others bones. I liked how he trusted me to let me in. I liked not feeling like a fetish. I just felt like me.

It was sort of sad to say goodbye. But not a heavy sadness. Just like a bittersweet mutual - thanks for the connection. We still chat from time to time about things friends would chat about, flirtation mixed in. He might be a comet, never know when paths might cross again.

I’m really grateful to my husband for supporting these unconventional friendships. Especially as it’s morphed into something different from what he originally pictured. The mental/emotional connections that I form still stretch his comfort levels. But each time he’s still my horny little freak, deliciously hard as I slide in between the sheets and do my best to tease him with details before spooning him to sleep.

Z - You nicely lightly paint the apartment scene just enough to have ones imagination visualize one of those "strangers meeting" (oh, right!! )in a movie where buttons and clothes fly. Well done. Glad you took the plunge and hopefully you guys can meet up again.

[Kingmidas]

I don’t know how I missed this thread until tonight. Hugely funny and at the same time sobering and moving.

[Dream Weaver]

I don’t know how I missed this thread until tonight. Hugely funny and at the same time sobering and moving.

Because it's over a very long time only a few posts so they slip out easy. I'm guessing you saw her "I'm outta here" post.

Amazing writing. She's learned a bunch about herself. A very big ego (with venom to boot), but I can see why. Her husband is lucky but I'm guessing they are having real problems now and she's feeling very blue.

I hope if she reads this I come from a supportive place (strangely enough considering my venom comment). But I have her sorts of acerbic thoughts. I get it.

[Sexilexi]

I can tell you’re beautiful, both inside and out. Thank you for allowing us to read your journal entries and being so open with your thoughts via writing through your journey.

I love writing. I understand how it brings clarity and freedom.

-Lexi

[wittol]

You are an outstanding writer and I have enjoyed (and learned from) your posts. Thanks.

[54321]

Last post Wed Jul 26, 2023 9:19 pm

I hope you guys are well and happy.

54321

[fraktastic]

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