Hello from Buffalo NY!

[716plusone]

How’s everyone doing? I’m 38 and my gorgeous wife is 34. I’ve been a long time lurker here but finally just made an account after a multi year hiatus from the lifestyle. Life unfortunately got in the way…. Covid, the kid, careers, etc. Plus back then I could never get the balls to just tell her truly how much I fantasized about and loved seeing her with other guys even though we already doing it to an extent.

We started out swinging with other couples in our mid to late twenties. That was a fun and great intro to playing with others but it was also when I realized the real kick I got from it was sharing and watching my sexy wife with another guy. So it progressed to giving a mfm a try which we both really enjoyed and our “swinging” turned into me just sharing her. Up until our break from the lifestyle we primarily stuck to just sharing her… mostly mfm’s but one time where I watched and one time I where I wasn’t there.

Anyway my wife has lost a lot of weight and got into amazing shape and we’ve been talking about it again so have decided to start looking for a quality guy which is way harder than it should be but that’s a different story. I just felt like maybe it’s time to join up here and make some friends.

[athlete915]

First, thank you for setting up an account and sharing some of your experiences. We all learn from each other, and I'm sure plenty of folks will connect with what you wrote. I know I did.

To that latter point, what you wrote about your evolution from swinging to more of a cuckold role is similar to what some of my couples have experienced. My first two couples were new to the lifestyle when they got started with me, but my third couple was experienced, and like you two, they had started with swinging. While the experiences were fun, the husband found that he was far more interested in watching what his wife was doing than playing with the other wife. It was almost like the other wife was a distraction. Eventually, when he tried just watching, he found it was far more exciting to be able to focus his attention completely on his wife and her pleasure.

You mentioned that you had one time when you just watched her. How was that for you? Did you feel left out, or were you like my previously mentioned cuckold and found that you enjoyed just being able to watch?

The other thing you wrote that stuck with me was the challenge of finding a quality guy. Again, that matches with my own anecdotal experience. What many of my couples have expressed is that while there are plenty of guys who want to sleep with their wives, the challenge is finding one who the wife is attracted to (physically/emotionally), who has the right sexual ability, and who understands the unique requirements that come with being with a couple. The good news is that those men are out there; you just have to weed through many men who don't measure up before you find the right ones.

Has your challenge been similar? If so, is there a particular trait (e.g., their understanding of you two as a couple) that has been the biggest challenge?

Anyway, welcome, and thank you for sharing.

[Seekingmore12]

Welcome to ohw

G

[Lookingforadventure]

How’s everyone doing? I’m 38 and my gorgeous wife is 34. I’ve been a long time lurker here but finally just made an account after a multi year hiatus from the lifestyle. Life unfortunately got in the way…. Covid, the kid, careers, etc. Plus back then I could never get the balls to just tell her truly how much I fantasized about and loved seeing her with other guys even though we already doing it to an extent.

We started out swinging with other couples in our mid to late twenties. That was a fun and great intro to playing with others but it was also when I realized the real kick I got from it was sharing and watching my sexy wife with another guy. So it progressed to giving a mfm a try which we both really enjoyed and our “swinging” turned into me just sharing her. Up until our break from the lifestyle we primarily stuck to just sharing her… mostly mfm’s but one time where I watched and one time I where I wasn’t there.

Anyway my wife has lost a lot of weight and got into amazing shape and we’ve been talking about it again so have decided to start looking for a quality guy which is way harder than it should be but that’s a different story. I just felt like maybe it’s time to join up here and make some friends.

Welcome. I hope that you enjoy this site and find lots of friends and advice here. Is your wife on the site as well? You could have her get verified and join us in the ladies lounge. I find that its a great place to ask questions and get advice.

How is your wife feeling about the search for fwb? It can be a tough slog, but good guys are out there, I promise.

[716plusone]

First, thank you for setting up an account and sharing some of your experiences. We all learn from each other, and I'm sure plenty of folks will connect with what you wrote. I know I did.

To that latter point, what you wrote about your evolution from swinging to more of a cuckold role is similar to what some of my couples have experienced. My first two couples were new to the lifestyle when they got started with me, but my third couple was experienced, and like you two, they had started with swinging. While the experiences were fun, the husband found that he was far more interested in watching what his wife was doing than playing with the other wife. It was almost like the other wife was a distraction. Eventually, when he tried just watching, he found it was far more exciting to be able to focus his attention completely on his wife and her pleasure.

You mentioned that you had one time when you just watched her. How was that for you? Did you feel left out, or were you like my previously mentioned cuckold and found that you enjoyed just being able to watch?

The other thing you wrote that stuck with me was the challenge of finding a quality guy. Again, that matches with my own anecdotal experience. What many of my couples have expressed is that while there are plenty of guys who want to sleep with their wives, the challenge is finding one who the wife is attracted to (physically/emotionally), who has the right sexual ability, and who understands the unique requirements that come with being with a couple. The good news is that those men are out there; you just have to weed through many men who don't measure up before you find the right ones.

Has your challenge been similar? If so, is there a particular trait (e.g., their understanding of you two as a couple) that has been the biggest challenge?

Anyway, welcome, and thank you for sharing.

Thanks for reaching out! Yes the one time I just watched her was amazing. I didn’t feel left out at all and I could tell she also enjoyed that I was watching.

Honestly I think the biggest challenge is finding guys that she is attracted too and guys who dont’t flake. Yes, if I make a post on say Reddit, I’ll get 100 replies and 96 of them don’t meet the criteria. Not that Reddit is a great place to look but that’s just an example.

[funandready963]

Hello 716plusone!

Welcome to the forums here! Just wanted to reach out, I'm also in Buffalo, NY. Always happy to come across another local. I sent you a private message on here, but I know you're a new user so wasn't sure if you saw it. If you're interested in chatting more, I would love to connect and see if there could be more to explore. Like you said, it's hard to find the right guy (and getting inundated with messages doesn't help).

[athlete915]

Thanks for reaching out! Yes the one time I just watched her was amazing. I didn’t feel left out at all and I could tell she also enjoyed that I was watching.

Honestly I think the biggest challenge is finding guys that she is attracted too and guys who dont’t flake. Yes, if I make a post on say Reddit, I’ll get 100 replies and 96 of them don’t meet the criteria. Not that Reddit is a great place to look but that’s just an example.

My pleasure! I'm also relatively new here, but I have found it to be a generally great community. I definitely want to make others feel welcome as well.

"Amazing" is certainly good to hear. I remember the first time I was with a couple. The boyfriend and I grabbed a beer after the first round, and I still clearly remember him looking me in the eyes and telling me that watching us had been the hottest experience of his life. While it took me a while to understand things from his perspective (i.e., what he got out of it), hearing him say that at least erased any doubt that he had enjoyed himself.

Did you find that you preferred just watching her to your previous sharing experiences?

I'm glad that you didn't feel left out. I never want my cuckolds to feel like third wheels. Even if they are just watching, there are plenty of ways to ensure they feel connected to the entire experience and feel valued. Combine that with the excitement of getting to watch their wife be pleasured, and you have a recipe for a happy cuck

Now, how was it for you when she played alone?

It's also great to hear that she seemed to enjoy having your watch. Being watched can be challenging for some wives, but it can add a lot of excitement when done well. What's better than amazing sex? Amazing sex with a supportive, loving audience.

Again, I'm sorry about the struggles of finding the right guy. I've had many a couple use the analogy of finding a needle in the haystack.

When searching online, I usually recommend that husbands take the role of the initial filter. Not because they should get first say, but rather to save the wives the pain of sifting through the dregs and getting exposed to the worst of the internet. The husbands can then provide her with the ones who pass that initial review and let her weigh in.

Do you find she is attracted to a certain type, or is it really on a case-by-case basis? Are there particular traits that you look for in her partners?

[716plusone]

Hello 716plusone!

Welcome to the forums here! Just wanted to reach out, I'm also in Buffalo, NY. Always happy to come across another local. I sent you a private message on here, but I know you're a new user so wasn't sure if you saw it. If you're interested in chatting more, I would love to connect and see if there could be more to explore. Like you said, it's hard to find the right guy (and getting inundated with messages doesn't help).

Hey yeah, I saw your message but it won’t let me reply but I’d love to chat. My telegram is in my profile.

[armyguyot1]

It takes 5 successful post without being a pain in the ass to get signed for no moderation and the ability to PM.

[716plusone]

Yeah that sucks but I see the point. Without it, this place would probably be as bad as reddit.

[716plusone]

Yes, it does seem like a great and friendly community. Nice to find some likeminded people that aren't just trying to sell OF content.

I don't generally prefer watching her over joining in but I certainly do still enjoy it. But sometimes I'm just in that mood to watch. I also don't consider myself a cuckold necessarily. I'm not small, we/I'm not in to humiliation or anything like that, I just love sharing and watching her.... more of a stag/vixen kind of thing.

When she played alone it was wild because it was spontaneous and we hadn't really ever talked much about doing it (yes she did check with me first), we'd only had threesomes up until that point. It was nerve wrecking and incredibly exciting all at the same time while it was happening and the sex when I saw her afterwards was phenomenal.

A needle in a haystack is 100% on point. I do take the lead to filter out the nonsense. Typically the plan is I talk to the potential guy via telegram or whatever for a while, if he seems decent and gets her approval we'll start a group chat and see where it goes from there.

In the past I think it's been a case by case basis. Now that we are getting back in to things and have had some experience, I was given some criteria for the potential guy but it's nothing too crazy or unattainable.

Her partners physical traits don't matter much to me. I would prefer (and so would she) that he's at least the same size as me or bigger (that's not a humble brag but we have yet to find a guy larger than I am, at least not without specifically seeking that out) but thats really it for me.

[Seekingmore12]

Welcome again, might be worth considering having her setup her own account and become verified, this gives her access to the ladies lounge where she can meet other like minded women.

Could help with “ networking “ that may also help with reduce the sifting.

G

[athlete915]

I also don't consider myself a cuckold necessarily. I'm not small, we/I'm not in to humiliation or anything like that, I just love sharing and watching her.... more of a stag/vixen kind of thing.

I use the broad dictionary definition of a cuckold, which is simply a man whose wife is nonmonogamous. I would add that in my definition, a cuckold is aware of and enjoys his wife's nonmonogamy. That is it, though. All of those other things you mentioned are sometimes associated with being a cuckold, but from my perspective, they are not required. In fact, the more extreme the behavior a person is associating with cucks, the more likely I am to believe that they're confusing fantasy with reality.

In my anecdotal experience, none of my cucks have been below average. I've even had a cuck who was above average.

Similarly, while many of my cucks have enjoyed playful teasing, there hasn't been hardcore humiliation. It wouldn't do anything for me anyway. I want both the husband and wife to enjoy themselves. The idea of the husband hating it would take the fun out of the experience for me.

Anyway, that's a long way of saying that if you ever see me using the term cuckold, I'm doing so in the broad sense of a husband who enjoys his wife sleeping with other men.

I wrote a thread on what I look for in my couples and mentioned that while I prefer to have the husband there watching most of the time, it is nice to have the wife one-on-one occasionally. As long as they are comfortable with the idea, those one-on-one sessions can not only be fun for the wife and I, but also provide the husbands with a special thrill. I love to amplify that thrill by sending them pictures and texts to give them an idea of the fun that we're having.

Here's that thread: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=71774

Also, in that thread, I mentioned that while I enjoy being with inexperienced couples, there is certainly something to be said about being with experienced couples. As you mentioned, with the criteria she provided you, it is nice when they know what they are looking for.

I'd love to hear her criteria, if you don't mind me asking.

Your criteria for size make complete sense. Size is a component of sexual ability, and I would never understand a husband wanting his wife to be with a guy who is less sexually capable than they are. The goal should be for her to have the best sex possible, and while indeed not everything, good endowment is undoubtedly a contributing factor to great sex.

I'm not sure if this makes sense to you, but I also like to get along with the husbands on a personal level. We don't need to be best friends, but we're going to spend time together outside of the bedroom, so we should have mutual respect and be able to hold a conversation.

[leggysman]

I use the broad dictionary definition of a cuckold, which is simply a man whose wife is nonmonogamous. I would add that in my definition, a cuckold is aware of and enjoys his wife's nonmonogamy.

Most of the people here (people familiar with "lifestyle" terms?) don't use it that way. And I think your definition is actually closer to what's called a "wittol"

Around here when people say cuck[old] they tend to mean a particular set of behaviors/desires that often include a humiliation fetish, and things of that nature.

On OHW we have a whole separate forum for it, distinct from the Hotwife and Stag/Vixen forums (where the husbands would probably balk at being called cucks - see above).

Labels are just labels, but they become a lot less useful if people can't agree about what they mean.

[athlete915]

I don't want to hijack 716's thread with a semantics slapfight, but yes, words do matter. As I mentioned, there are actual dictionary definitions of cuckold (see links below), and none of them have anything to do with small penises or a desire for humiliation. They don't exclude those aspects, but they certainly don't require them either. Furthermore, the term cuckold has been used in literature for centuries (e.g., Shakespeare's Othello), again, without the additional connotations that you suggest.

Cambridge: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dic ... sh/cuckold

Merriam-Webster: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cuckold

My point was that I adhere to the broad dictionary definition of cuckold with the slight addition that the husband enjoys his wife's nonmonogamy. That strikes me as fairly sensible. There is a risk of alienating and driving interested parties away when you add too many additional fetishizes.

You also mentioned the term "wittol." I have never heard someone use that term in the real world. Aside from the cuckold Wikipedia page and various dictionary results, I can't find any lifestyle-related pages that use it either.

[leggysman]

I wasn't attempting to argue about what the dictionary says mate. Maybe read my post again to understand what I was trying to say, and look around these forums a bit more.

Not gonna threadjack this OP any more than we already have. Over and out.

[Shiphead]

I don't want to hijack 716's thread with a semantics slapfight, but yes, words do matter. As I mentioned, there are actual dictionary definitions of cuckold (see links below), and none of them have anything to do with small penises or a desire for humiliation. They don't exclude those aspects, but they certainly don't require them either. Furthermore, the term cuckold has been used in literature for centuries (e.g., Shakespeare's Othello), again, without the additional connotations that you suggest.

Cambridge: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dic ... sh/cuckold

Merriam-Webster: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cuckold

My point was that I adhere to the broad dictionary definition of cuckold with the slight addition that the husband enjoys his wife's nonmonogamy. That strikes me as fairly sensible. There is a risk of alienating and driving interested parties away when you add too many additional fetishizes.

You also mentioned the term "wittol." I have never heard someone use that term in the real world. Aside from the cuckold Wikipedia page and various dictionary results, I can't find any lifestyle-related pages that use it either.

Athlete,
I agree with Leggysman 100%. Don't you think it is better to integrate and communicate with a community in the way it has been set up rather than argue with your silly dictionary response?
Join and be respectful. You haven't demonstrated that thus far. Next do you want to argue punctuation.
You have made me think that you are very likely one of the disrespectful flakes they are talking about skipping during their search. What does the dictionary give as a definition of flake?