Young married guy here

[Dream Weaver]

Hey folks! It has been an hour and half since she has been gone. She said that she will back by 06:30 pm. I am filled with excitement and I am hoping that she will text me that she might have to stay a bit longer. let us see.

Dag just saw the update.

[joel68]

Maybe it went south. It happens. I wonder if she did get fucked.

I guess we will know in time.

[RunDannyRun]

I just checked the instagram chat they were having, I see a string of apologies from him. "Sorry for doing that", "I misread some signals", "Sorry again". So not sure what happened but I hope nothing too bad. I will know more soon.

[joel68]

He could have overstepped. Glad that you have honesty in that you can check.

I would assume details will be forthcoming whenever she cares to share. Good idea to let her tell you in her own time.

[JeffBingham]

Umm I think something bad has happened. Lauren just came home and told me that the date didn't go well and she just wants some space. She just went into the bedroom and I tried to talk to her but she just said that she wants some time to process what has happened. She told me that she is not mad at me but she just wants to be alone.

Just love her and support her right now without smothering her. Give her some space. Don’t pressure her with questions. Let her process everything and she will share everything with you when she is able to make sense of it all. Love and support her!

[Rogueuser1]

Yikes - sorry to hear it didn't go well. Agree with Jeff: show her nothing but love and support for now, not questions.

[dadah]

so very sorry. i damn sure hope james hasn't fucked up a potentially really good thing !! be as reassuring and positive as you can !!

[RunDannyRun]

I am unable to sleep now but spoke to Lauren about what happened.

So they had some coffee first and then went around a park. Everything was going good and Lauren was enjoying the date.

Towards the end of the date, he made his move and tried to kiss her and she was not opposed to the idea. But apparently, he tasted like stale smoke. He didn't tell her that he smokes beforehand. But she told me that she didn't mind that too much and actually started to enjoy the kissing. His hands were like on her hips for most of the time but at some point of time he got them under her dress. She told me that she kind of froze and didn't know how far she wanted to take and then he suddenly started fingering her. She pushed him away and she told me that he realized quickly that he messed up. He apologized immediately and said that he misread the situation (apparently he could feel her wetness). She just came home straight after that.

She told me that she should have pushed him away after a simple peck but she admitted that she got lost in the moment. She was enjoying it but she was fairly certain that she doesn't want to meet him. But when she could feel his fingers near her her private parts, she was confused and then she kind of freaked out when he inserted his finger. She was fairly certain that she wouldn't meet him again after kissing but she admitted that she was a bit aroused while kissing him.

I wanted to ask a few more questions but I thought they would come out as victim blamey (Why didn't she immediately push him away when his hands were first under the dress? How long did he have his hands under the dress? I know it is super gross to think but maybe he thought she was receptive when she didn't shut his advances down and he mentioned that he could feel her arousal)

I just listened to her. She seems okay now but I will just let her process her feelings at her pace. I am here to support her.

[BallSpanking]

It might be good if you did a little damage control. Let her know that the reason he overstepped his bounds is because she turned him on so much, and also that soon she will get a handle on how far she wants to go, and make it clear to her date that she is not ready to go that far, but not to feel guilty about it. It's only natural, and it has been a long time since she had to set up limits with a man.
You might also let her know that you are happy that she agreed to try this, and will be happy to accept her decision if she changes her mind and is willing to meet him again. Because, for all her freakout, it is only to be expected that the reason it went that far was because they were enjoying one another, and that is a very encouraging thing.
Buy her some flowers, give her time to digest this, and don't push ... She will likely come around again soon if she remains curious and intrigued by the possibilities yet unexplored.

[Dream Weaver]

It might be good if you did a little damage control. Let her know that the reason he overstepped his bounds is because she turned him on so much. and also that soon she will get a handle on how far she wants to go, and make it clear to her date that she is not ready to go that far, but not to feel guilty about it. It's only natural, and it has been a long time since she had to set up limits with a man.
You might also let her know that you are happy that she agreed to try this, and will be happy to accept her decision if she changes her mind and is willing to meet him again. Because, for all her freakout, it is only to be expected that the reason it went that far was because they were enjoying one another, and that is a very encouraging thing.
Buy her some flowers, give her time to digest this, and don't push ... She will likely come around again soon if she remains curious and intrigued by the possibilities yet unexplored.

I think this (every step mentioned) is fantastic advice.

[kaskap79]

She has her first meeting, which is the first important step.
When she is ready, try to talk to her about all the good things that happened and what she liked about that.

Tell her that next time she has a first meeting, she knows where her boundaries are and can stop him before he goes to far.

I am sure that she will try again, it might take a while, but she will.

[wannabecUKold]

I am sorry that she was shocked and upset by his actions. I hope she is able to put it behind her quickly.

Did she say whether she had disclosed to him the true situation about her being married?

[sandy691196]

I am unable to sleep now but spoke to Lauren about what happened.

So they had some coffee first and then went around a park. Everything was going good and Lauren was enjoying the date.

Towards the end of the date, he made his move and tried to kiss her and she was not opposed to the idea. But apparently, he tasted like stale smoke. He didn't tell her that he smokes beforehand. But she told me that she didn't mind that too much and actually started to enjoy the kissing. His hands were like on her hips for most of the time but at some point of time he got them under her dress. She told me that she kind of froze and didn't know how far she wanted to take and then he suddenly started fingering her. She pushed him away and she told me that he realized quickly that he messed up. He apologized immediately and said that he misread the situation (apparently he could feel her wetness). She just came home straight after that.

She told me that she should have pushed him away after a simple peck but she admitted that she got lost in the moment. She was enjoying it but she was fairly certain that she doesn't want to meet him. But when she could feel his fingers near her her private parts, she was confused and then she kind of freaked out when he inserted his finger. She was fairly certain that she wouldn't meet him again after kissing but she admitted that she was a bit aroused while kissing him.

I wanted to ask a few more questions but I thought they would come out as victim blamey (Why didn't she immediately push him away when his hands were first under the dress? How long did he have his hands under the dress? I know it is super gross to think but maybe he thought she was receptive when she didn't shut his advances down and he mentioned that he could feel her arousal)

I just listened to her. She seems okay now but I will just let her process her feelings at her pace. I am here to support her.

The guy obviously "misread" her signals since she didn't say NO verbally or through actions at any stage. Whatever reservations she had were inside her mind and hence invisible to the partner of the moment.

BUT that is NOT the point here. She is not accusing him or implying that she was assaulted or stuff like that. She DID NOT enjoy the experience. PERIOD.

Now is not the time for analysing and hair splitting. She knows in her guts what's ok with her and what ain't.

She didn't want to continue seeing him after the first peck, A person's mating decisions are an outcome of a complex set of factors. Whether her body responded in the moment can't form the basis of a conscious - all things considered- decision. A guy can get a partial hard on from being pressed by a crowd against a door handle and rubbing against it repeatedly! That doesn't mean he wants to hump the door!

PLEASE show NO disappointment at the thing not working out. Just gratitude that she took a bullet for the two of you! Love her demonstratively and show her a good time in bed and outside for the next few days. Don't bring this shindig up at all.
Let her get over the yuckiness of this experience in her own time and then see what she has to say.

[RunDannyRun]

Thanks for these messages. Lauren also had some time to reflect on what has happened. She mentioned that it has been long time since she dated anyone, and that she was in a flux of emotions while she was kissing James and should have thought about boundaries better. She still doesn't want to see James again. She texted him saying that there won't be any more dates (in a more diplomatic fashion).

I did not ask her what she wants to do now. I feel like she will bring it herself if she wanna play with someone. I reassured that everything is going to be okay.

[sandy691196]

Thanks for these messages. Lauren also had some time to reflect on what has happened. She mentioned that it has been long time since she dated anyone, and that she was in a flux of emotions while she was kissing James and should have thought about boundaries better. She still doesn't want to see James again. She texted him saying that there won't be any more dates (in a more diplomatic fashion).

I did not ask her what she wants to do now. I feel like she will bring it herself if she wanna play with someone. I reassured that everything is going to be okay.

Reassurance with a lot of demonstrated love. Make her feel precious. Show her that you mightily appreciate that she has non negotiable principles and can't be pushed around

Tell her that you are proud to be her husband. Her conduct makes you emotionally secure.

[grnlght]

Make sure she knows that she does not have to feel any guilt about having sexual pleasure with another man and that you would never see her that way and nor should she. Sounds like she felt slutty/guilty when that kiss happened and the fast paced move to him fingering her ruined the innocence of it maybe, she should go into another meet looking at it as not a love relationship but a sex only one kind of like going for a massage it feels good and satisfies but you don't fall in love with the masseuse.

[wannabecUKold]

I think she hadn’t appreciated how much of an emotional hermetically-sealed security envelope she had around her, which was suddenly breached when the other guy’s finger entered her knickers and pussy. She felt completely shocked by that intrusion into her security. She felt raped and dirty. I expect when she went upstairs she washed herself to feel clean.
That feeling will fade. She will recognise the sense of intrusion and it will partly put her off doing it again but she will also be forewarned about it in future, and perversely she will want to experience that intrusion again.
Obviously you have to let her take her own time on this. She is already talking about it, which is a promising sign, and you can gently encourage her to talk more. Very good that she is not bottling it up. Good luck.

[sandy691196]

I am totally against second guessing her "latent desire" or otherwise, to feel that intrusion again.. and stuff like that.
RunDanny would be well advised to emotionally support her desire for staying "normal" till such time as she has an internal urge to try things out again. This may be never..
But RunDanny must realise that he is lucky that his partner has non violable principles and integrity. How many people can boast of this quality in their spouses?

[dadah]

danny - just curious, since james' offensive blunder, has lauren expressed any interest in continuing with extra marital play?

[Mkliny442015]

You handled it well. Give her space right now, let her absorb and process all this. Sometimes its not so much what the guy did but her internal reaction projected onto him. She was probably surprised at herself at enjoying it so much and suddenly came to a sobering realization how much she actually did and she may have felt a pang of guilt, this is normal in the beginning. This is your fantasy that you have somewhat conditioned your mind to but for her its virgin territory, mentally. She will most certainly want to get back out there. Internally she is very turned on by what happened and in her mind most likely fantasizes about it while also struggling with the guilt of enjoying it.

She will come around. She already had a taste and will most certainly want more . Also remember once you start this, there is no turning back.

It may also be a great time to revisit your plan on her presenting herself as single vs telling the truth about being married and ethically non-monogamous. Some guys may get very mad, some may be vengeful and want to expose her for being played etc. you are actually safer revealing the truth, and thats coming from experience. What you put out there is what you will also attract. The guys that have no problem fucking married girls who cheat will also objectify her or treat her with less respect and tend to be more promiscuous. There are facebook groups now that specifically post pictures of girls asking other guys if they are dating the same women, either to catch them cheating or exposing the married cheaters. The world can become very smaller and you could end up in an embarrassing position.

[RunDannyRun]

Thanks for your replies. So far she didn't bring it up again. i am hoping she would do it at some point of time. But I am not gonna push it. We are still young. We have lot of life ahead of us.

[sandy691196]

Thanks for your replies. So far she didn't bring it up again. i am hoping she would do it at some point of time. But I am not gonna push it. We are still young. We have lot of life ahead of us.

Its not enough to "not bring it up".. Its important to show that you are happy and proud that you have a partner with such inviolable integrity and non negotiable principles. A partner who cant be pushed around and who will only do things within the boundaries of her established values.

A person's genitals reacting in the moment don't prove nothin'! A guy can have a semi-chubby if his dick gets rubbed against a bus handle.. Its just the blood travelling there. A person is a whole being. Mind, body, heart. She, as a person, was repelled by the experience. Period!

Please don't allow her to feel inadequate or odd for having withdrawn from the thing. Her love and respect for you would magnify, if she realises that you are giving her the gift of "permission".
Permission doesn't mean ONLY permission to go wild.. Loving her for NOT compromising with her values is also permission (to be her true self)!

[wannabecUKold]

I'm not reading this as Lauren's super-ego/conscience stepping in to maintain her integrity and principles. I think this was much more a visceral 'flight' reaction to a physical intrusion into her body. As such, she will calm down from the shock and will work out what level of incursion she is willing to accept and how and when to do it. For instance she would likely feel much more comfortable with a masseur, who can take his time and who she can give clear directions to. Of course Dan must be sensitive in raising this topic, but I don't believe all is lost.

[dadah]

i don't believe all is lost either. lauren is clearly interested / curious. she is the one who brought it up to danny and she is the one who met james out. to the extent that james fucked up a good thing as to him. lauren's interest remains.

danny just needs to be patient and let lauren come around when lauren is ready to come around. thus far danny as been playing his cards perfectly in my opinion. my only advice from my own experience is to dote on her and make her feel just how incredibly hot and sexy you find her without ever mentioning hotwifing or extra playing or other dicks etc. she'll find it all again herself when she is ready. enjoy your youth and her beauty, and please keep us informed!!

[dadah]

has lauren said anything about her other 'potential', paul, returning from his backpacking trip and trying to make contact ??