Wannabe Intro Post / Figuring Out My Place

[proppropprop]

Hey everyone!

Glad to have found this forum. Partially hoping for some guidance here, and partially just looking to get some things off my chest.

I (27M) have no idea where it came from, but in the past year or so I've started to develop a "soft" cuckold or cuckold-adjacent kink that I'm interested in convincing my fiancé, Carly, (26F) to explore with me. The thing is, I don't explicitly want her to actually have sex with or even be physical with another man - maybe it'll grow into that one day, but right now I really don't think I'd enjoy that. I also really don't like the humiliation aspect of cuckolding or having a hotwife. What really gets my rocks off is the idea of my fiancé teasing other men - I think the key thing for me is watching men drool over her, check her out, etc., while knowing they'll never be able to have her. Maybe it's a power thing or something? I don't know.

I've given it some thought and the things that would turn me on the most are things like (i) having her download Tinder or another dating app and flirt with men while I watch, (ii) having her flash random guys on those "random webcam partner" sites like Omegle/Chatroulette/etc., (iii) having her tell me about her past sexual experiences in great detail, or (iv) having her sext with men while I watch and provide input on responses, take pictures for her to send them, etc. Important to re-iterate that the fantasy ends for me when I start to think about her actually having sex with these men. Is there a word for this, and would you consider it to be cuckold or cuckold-adjacent? Or is there a more official term for it?

Anyway, my fiancé is 26 and about 5 foot 3, very fit, very "traditionally attractive". Super perky C-cup tits on a very petite frame and verrrry slim waist, about 105 pounds. She is extremely vanilla in bed (we both are, honestly) and has only had 4 sexual partners in her entire life including me. I worry about bringing this up to her since she is primarily attracted to masculinity (I am tall, muscular, into "guy shit", etc.), and I am afraid that she will think less of me or judge me if I tell her that I want her to do these sorts of things. I honestly was never even going to bring it up to her until a few nights ago when I was on her MacBook and mistakenly read a text conversation between her and a friend (really, I wasn't snooping!) where they were talking about having sex dreams about other men. Her friend had texted her to say that she had a dream about her ex, and Carly responded that she sometimes has those too and "feels sooooo guilty about it" when she wakes up. For some reason this gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe she'd be receptive to the types of things I mentioned above.

Do you think this is worth pursuing or just repressing entirely? If I were to pursue it, what do you think is a good way to ease her into the idea of it without just coming out with it?

Thanks in advance and happy to be here! Sorry for the long post

[Bent_n_Twisted]

Do you think this is worth pursuing or...

Are you really *sure* you want to start down this road? Do you really think you can let the genie only partway out of the bottle? What are you going to do if she likes the attention and wants to take it further?

[proppropprop]

Do you think this is worth pursuing or...

Are you really *sure* you want to start down this road? Do you really think you can let the genie only partway out of the bottle? What are you going to do if she likes the attention and wants to take it further?

I'd just say no, same as if I wanted something that she didn't want to do. I do see your point thought.

[leggysman]

I also really don't like the humiliation aspect of cuckolding or having a hotwife.

There doesn't have to be anything humiliating about it. Some guys like that, but it's only humiliating if you let it be!

My wife fucks other men. I love it, think it's ridiculously hot, and can't wait for the next time. (which, with any luck, might be very soooon...) Thus: not humiliating.

[athlete915]

Thank you for sharing, and welcome to the website. There's a lot to address, and I will do my best to share my thoughts with you.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that this is more than just a passing fetish for you. While most of us will have changing sexual interests (e.g., this month, you may be into a certain type of porn), you've come to a cuckolding website, created an account, and posted a lengthy intro. To me, that suggests that there is something deeper here, and it's not just a passing curiosity. Do you agree?

My anecdotal experience from talking with my cuckolds and others is that once this fantasy starts, it's tends to be very "sticky" and will start to predominate their fantasies. They'll find it becomes their go-to masturbation topic, and they even start thinking about it when they're with their wives.

I say all of that because if this is just a fleeting fantasy, then no, it's probably not worth bringing it up. They're risks involved, and you might as well repress it. If, on the other hand, you think there is something more to this fantasy, then I would suggest that the risks are worth it as long as you're smart about them and don't push too far or too fast.

Okay, if you're still with me, the next thing is to consider the nature of your desire. Right now, you want her to flirt with other men. If that is all you want, that's totally fine. Don't worry about labels, stereotypes, etc. The only thing that matters is what is right for you two. Don't let people try to push you into a preconceived box or beyond your comfort.

Leggyman is spot on. Things are only humiliating to you if you let them be. While some men would be humiliated by having another man fuck their wives, other men loved it. They are not humiliated by it. Again, don't let others tell you how to feel, and don't worry about labels.

To that point, while there is a certain stereotype that cuckolds/husbands that share their wives are all sissy weaklings, my experience has been the opposite. The boyfriend from my first couple played football with me. The other guys have been similarly athletic, confident, and otherwise masculine men; they just happened to enjoy watching their girlfriends and wives be pleasured by another man. Even when I've been dominant with them in the bedroom, it doesn't mean they are submissive in every other part of their lives.

Just because you have these feelings doesn't make you any less masculine, manly, a wonderful fiance, etc. You can be those things and still enjoy the attention your sexy fiance receives.

Again, I would start slowly if you're still reading and want to proceed. An easy option would be to point out the attention she receives. Tell her how great she looks, and then when you see someone checking her out, let her know. Be cool and confident about it; tell her it doesn't upset you. When you're alone later, let her know that it excites you that when you are out, you know every guy wishes they were you. That you love the attention she gets.

Nothing radical there. You're subtly letting her know that you are not jealous and that the attention she gets excites you. That will hopefully plant a big of a seed. Later, you can recommend certain outfits for her because you know that it will turn every head in the bar. She should see the attention won't upset you and that you're even encouraging her.

Good luck and let me/us know we can help.

[proppropprop]

I also really don't like the humiliation aspect of cuckolding or having a hotwife.

There doesn't have to be anything humiliating about it. Some guys like that, but it's only humiliating if you let it be!

My wife fucks other men. I love it, think it's ridiculously hot, and can't wait for the next time. (which, with any luck, might be very soooon...) Thus: not humiliating.

Good perspective - I meant more like intentional humiliation that seems prevalent in cuckold/hotwife kink. Like dick envy, telling you you're small, etc. - not just the act of your wife fucking another man.

[proppropprop]

@athlete915 - thank you for your detailed and lengthy response, I appreciate the thought and time you put into it. I'd start by saying that I don't think it's a passing fetish for me as it's been consistent for over a year now - it's definitely the thing that turns me on the most and I think about it repeatedly throughout the day. That said, it really has not "evolved" to be more than a wish to see my fiance lusted over / other men flirt with her / her flirt with them / etc. I'll definitely take your advice re: pointing out the attention that she receives, I think that's a good place to start. I really can't stress enough how vanilla she is when it comes to sex, so I don't want to spring anything on her that might seem extreme to her.

I do think that I could offer up the idea of her re-downloading Tinder to "see how many matches she gets" as a dare / challenge / joke and see where that takes us without causing offense, so I may go that route as well. Again, I appreciate your input! Will probably keep this thread semi-updated as I go, since it'll likely be a long and uphill battle.

[athlete915]

My pleasure. For better or worse, I’ve never been accused of being short winded The truth is, though, that this stuff is complicated, and glib short responses are rarely of much value.

The fact that you are thinking about it daily definitely seals the deal for me. This is more than just a passing fetish. There is something deeper here.

Given that, trying to suppress it would leave you feeling frustrated and, to a degree, unfulfilled. There’s nothing wrong with your fantasy, and to completely deny yourself would be unfair to you. Also you can imagine that keeping a part of yourself secret isn’t fair to Carly.

“Maybe it'll grow into that one day” – Maybe you will… and maybe you won’t… and both are okay. You’re not required to meet some predetermined criteria. Ultimately, this is about doing what feels right to you. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.

That takes me back to the whole humiliation thing. Just because some guys are into it doesn’t mean you have to be or even that most cucks are into it. In my personal experience, I would say that most of my cucks were into playful teasing vice humiliation.

I’m always cautious to write anyone off as vanilla. Sex drives and desires can vary wildly and are often tied to situations and partners. You would be surprised how many of my couples went from being lights-off missionary once-a-week types to lifestyle couples with vastly increased sex drives and interests.

And look at the two of you; you described yourself as pretty vanilla, yet here you are. You described her as being vanilla, but she’s telling her friend about sex dreams about other men. Are you two really that vanilla?

Tinder or some similar digital medium is a great option to explore. Playing online can be more comfortable than in real life. My only word of caution is to ensure you’re being discreet. You don’t want someone who knows you two to see her and think she’s cheating on you. You don’t need that kind of drama.

[trecital]

The truth is, though, that this stuff is complicated, and glib short responses are rarely of much value.

Agreed!

.....sorry, couldn't resist......

[athlete915]

Agreed!

.....sorry, couldn't resist......

lol That famed British wit couldn't be contained.