Do any of you wonder why you are in to this?

[Zekemitchell]

As the title states, one thing my mind constantly thinks about is why am I into being cucked? I guess that is the same question for any kink/fetish, but as someone with a somewhat analytical mind, I struggle with it just being who I am. I am a guy who was raised in a good family, with (still) married parents. Siblings, no drama, no trauma, no struggles with sexuality to report. Never been cheated on, felt less of an man etc. I feel like a normal guy with no explanation. I used to watch more porn in my twenties (35 now), and wonder if porn could explain it, but these days I barely watch porn and my desires for the lifestyle have never been higher. However, I should say I am a wannabe and my wife and I are exploring more, but roleplay is as far as we have gotten. My wife and I are firsts and only for each other, so maybe that plays a role too. Any ideas? Anyone like me?

[Cdncuck]

If you work your way through some of the posts and maybe the library you will see many of us wonder the same thing. After 30 years in the lifestyle still no answers.

[Her number1]

I wouldn't say I wonder why I'm this way. More so, early on (teen and early married), I felt embarrassed and unable to admit to my wife/girlfriend what I wanted. She understood it about me before I was able to admit it.
Now, I see it as an integral part of me, just who I am. No thoughts to why.
I can and do appreciate the whole dichotomy of having a wife and letting her enjoy other men while I enjoy her doing it.

[namitha157]

Still new to this. But I like the attention. Feels like guys would compete for me.

[Ladyofthehouse]

For me, an old girlfriend would argued with another guy and later ended up in a relationship with him. This kicked off my interest in cuckolding.

Of course it was later that I realized that it was also a mixture of jealousy of cis women and what some call candaulism. People contain multitudes

There’s not a huge community for trans women cuckqueans. It’s kind of a cishet space. If you are trans and want to talk about this send me a message

[little sissy Benita]

In this forum are users from the US, Canada, Europe like me and others.

I love reading the experiences of other cuckolds and hotwives.

But I can't really answer why I or others become cuckolds.

Maybe these are some reasons:
Curiosity
Spice up sexlife
The wife wants it
Too small a willie
Cuck comes too quickly
Cuck is not a real man - like me

little Benita

[Pillow_Talk]

I always look for a biological explanation. Of course it doesn't make sense biologically for a guy to want to be cheated on, but suppose it happened to you anyway (tens on thousands of years ago), what is the best thing to do, from a biological/genetical perspective? Run away? Fight the other guy? The first makes sense if you have no kids with this lady, the latter makes sense if you're young (and strong). But what if you're older and you do have kids with her? Is it good for your kids (and by extension, your genes) for you to run away or to risk dying in a fight? No, it's probably best to get aroused and pretend it didn't happen. Or even tell your wife that you know it happened and you like it (maybe it's less of a turn-on for her if you take away the risk -from her perspective). So I guess you're normal and it's just an evolutionary thing...

[Ladyofthehouse]

I always look for a biological explanation. Of course it doesn't make sense biologically for a guy to want to be cheated on, but suppose it happened to you anyway (tens on thousands of years ago), what is the best thing to do, from a biological/genetical perspective? […]

I’m pretty sure we have research suggesting that early humans up to and including homo sapien sapiens were way more non monogamous than the modern day western world. It’s a very puritanical thing, also a very European Christian thing.

[ugcp]

Ive studied non-monogamy and particularly hotwifing/cuckolding for many years. There are LOTS of very interesting psychological reasons that can be in play. I'll mention a few here, briefly, but I could probably write a book from all I've learned:

1. Competition (sperm/mate/etc) - It has been something studied and proven in lab environments with lab animals: when a male believes or knows his female mate has recently had another male sexual partner, his sexual drive seems to increase and his sperm production is elevated. Essentially, it sends him into a sexual frenzy in an effort to mate with and succeed in fathering offspring with the female that has mated with another male.

2. Eroticizing vulnerability - this is something more typical in males that have abandonment issues (parent or previous partners or both), and/or past experiences of being cheated on, though these things are not a requirement. It's essentially a psychological self-protection in which the eroticization of their partner's non-monogamy (cheating or consensual) allows them a feeling of security instead of the intense vulnerability and pain they would otherwise experience. If they feel they are a participant/contributer to it, they don't feel as powerless and vulnerable.

3. Compersion - we all experience enjoyment/happiness/pleasure when the people we love and care about experience their own enjoyment/happiness/pleasure. We are happy for them. This can happen with sexuality too. If a person's empathetic joy is stronger than feelings like jealousy/insecurity, they will be more inclined to a positive feeling from their partner experiencing sexual enjoyment with others.

4. Cultural subversion - Some people experience enjoyment from exploring counter-culture, violating "norms", or doing things that aren't considered typical. They feel a surge of excitement and this can translate to enhanced sexual pleasure when this moves into the sexual realm. Similar to how things that are taboo can be extra fun and enjoyable.

5. Voyeurism - For some, partner sharing is all about a voyeuristic factor. If porn is sexy and exciting, and you think your wife is the sexiest woman in the world, what can be better than porn that features your wife? Seeing her being sexually ravaged just like a porn vixen makes it hit so much harder because it's your wife... the person you know so personally and intimately.

I'm going to stop here, but there are many more reasons. And in the real-world, it is likely a combination of reasons, with the dials turned variously up or down, which affects us. Everyone is different, with their own complex psychology, so no 1 answer is probably the full picture for anyone.

[Pillow_Talk]

I always look for a biological explanation. Of course it doesn't make sense biologically for a guy to want to be cheated on, but suppose it happened to you anyway (tens on thousands of years ago), what is the best thing to do, from a biological/genetical perspective? […]

I’m pretty sure we have research suggesting that early humans up to and including homo sapien sapiens were way more non monogamous than the modern day western world. It’s a very puritanical thing, also a very European Christian thing.

No argument here. The question (if I understood correctly) was why we (meaning cucks) enjoy our wives' non-monogamy.

[namitha157]

Ive studied non-monogamy and particularly hotwifing/cuckolding for many years. There are LOTS of very interesting psychological reasons that can be in play. I'll mention a few here, briefly, but I could probably write a book from all I've learned:

1. Competition (sperm/mate/etc) - It has been something studied and proven in lab environments with lab animals: when a male believes or knows his female mate has recently had another male sexual partner, his sexual drive seems to increase and his sperm production is elevated. Essentially, it sends him into a sexual frenzy in an effort to mate with and succeed in fathering offspring with the female that has mated with another male.

2. Eroticizing vulnerability - this is something more typical in males that have abandonment issues (parent or previous partners or both), and/or past experiences of being cheated on, though these things are not a requirement. It's essentially a psychological self-protection in which the eroticization of their partner's non-monogamy (cheating or consensual) allows them a feeling of security instead of the intense vulnerability and pain they would otherwise experience. If they feel they are a participant/contributer to it, they don't feel as powerless and vulnerable.

3. Compersion - we all experience enjoyment/happiness/pleasure when the people we love and care about experience their own enjoyment/happiness/pleasure. We are happy for them. This can happen with sexuality too. If a person's empathetic joy is stronger than feelings like jealousy/insecurity, they will be more inclined to a positive feeling from their partner experiencing sexual enjoyment with others.

4. Cultural subversion - Some people experience enjoyment from exploring counter-culture, violating "norms", or doing things that aren't considered typical. They feel a surge of excitement and this can translate to enhanced sexual pleasure when this moves into the sexual realm. Similar to how things that are taboo can be extra fun and enjoyable.

5. Voyeurism - For some, partner sharing is all about a voyeuristic factor. If porn is sexy and exciting, and you think your wife is the sexiest woman in the world, what can be better than porn that features your wife? Seeing her being sexually ravaged just like a porn vixen makes it hit so much harder because it's your wife... the person you know so personally and intimately.

I'm going to stop here, but there are many more reasons. And in the real-world, it is likely a combination of reasons, with the dials turned variously up or down, which affects us. Everyone is different, with their own complex psychology, so no 1 answer is probably the full picture for anyone.

interesting

[Ladyofthehouse]

I always look for a biological explanation. Of course it doesn't make sense biologically for a guy to want to be cheated on, but suppose it happened to you anyway (tens on thousands of years ago), what is the best thing to do, from a biological/genetical perspective? […]

I’m pretty sure we have research suggesting that early humans up to and including homo sapien sapiens were way more non monogamous than the modern day western world. It’s a very puritanical thing, also a very European Christian thing.

No argument here. The question (if I understood correctly) was why we (meaning cucks) enjoy our wives' non-monogamy.

Oh totally, glad to hear it. I think it is for finitely a social or psychological one. USAmerican society paints relations between (exclusively) men and women as a competition so it’s definitely psychological bdsm to have her press on that sensitive spot.

My deal is that I would love to be the one with the pussy—and I think my wife is hot as fuck.

[Xmatty1]

I can’t get hard. I have eroticized my shortcoming. It’s a form of masochism I guess.

[discreetlys husband]

I wouldn't say I wonder why I'm this way. More so, early on (teen and early married), I felt embarrassed and unable to admit to my wife what I wanted. Once I did, I felt genuine.

She understands now and I think is genuine now in really liking the dynamic since she has really opened up and shared what she really likes about it.

Now, I see it as an integral part of me, just who I am. No thoughts to why. I’ve just always been wired this way.

I can and do appreciate the whole dichotomy of having a wife and letting her enjoy other men while I enjoy her doing it


(thank you Hernumber1)

[majestic17]

i think for me i was in a short relationship where the wife was cheating on her husband with me. Thing was she was sexually frustrated and wanted someone to provide. But it ended very badly. I think thats how it started for me as i tried to put myself in her husband's shoe. I felt bad at first then slowly got excited by the idea of my wife or gf cheating on me. Now i have a kink of getting cheated on. I know its weird but the thing is thats what i like now.

[hubudig2]

There's loads of triggers/reasons as others have said.
I like to think of it as a cruel part of human nature for the benefit of the gene pool.
You see other species do unfathomable things for the benefit of the colony such as female praying mantis consuming the male to give her the best chance of raising her offspring etc.
Cuckolding seems to be one of the human traits that's difficult to reason with.
We like to think we have evolved freedom and control over our thoughts and choices but cuckolding (and sexuality generally) reminds us that we are still slaves to our animal urges.
I think almost all men are capable of wanting to be cucked but they need to experience a trigger. Once they've experienced that trigger and indulged in it a little, it's nearly impossible to go back.

[stubbyhubby]

I have zero doubt as to why.

First and perhaps foremost, when I was 14 I found some porn stashed in the back of my parent's closet. It was old black and white Polaroids. Took me a while to realize the woman getting fucked in most of the pictures was my mom and occasionally her sister when they were in their 20s. I jerked off a lot to those pics before it hit me that it had to be my dad taking the pics since he was never the guy in the pics fucking her.

Fast-forward to my dating life...(all names have been changed somewhat)

My first few girlfriends were fairly innocent. My third girlfriend, Sue, was not. She was a freak. She loved doing anything wild, risky or taboo. We experimented in golden showers, public sex, mutual masturbation, bondage...all pretty wild stuff for just 18 years old. I quickly became comfortable with her and admitted that I had been sucking cock for years, which she instantly wanted to watch me do. After the first time I sucked off someone while she watched and she saw me eat his cum she wanted me to eat cum all the time. Anytime we fucked I had to cum on her stomach or tits and lick it up. She would suck me off then kiss me and pass my cum back to me. She eventually cheated on me 4 times and every time I took her back. We only broke up because her parents got divorced and she moved away with her mom.

My next girlfriend, Jenny, was wild but in a different way. She had fucked a lot of guys...I mean A LOT, so the first time we fucked she instantly locked in on me having a little dick. Instead of being upset, she loved it. When we fucked she would say "Stick that little dick in me" or "Fuck me harder. I can barely feel it!" She even arranged a little strip poker game with her best friend that they rigged to make me lose so her best friend could see my little dick. My penalty for losing was I had to jerk off for them while they laughed, giggled and talked about how little it was.

My next "girlfriend" Donna was a well-known slut in our small town. We fucked on our first date. Afterwards she told me she fucked me because she had heard I had a really little dick and she wanted to see if it was true. About 4 days later I was at a party and she fucked a guy in a back bedroom. When she saw me she asked if I was angry and I told her no and she took me back to the bedroom and we fucked (my first sloppy seconds). She saw how much I enjoyed that so after that she only let me fuck her when she had already been fucked because she said she could tell my little dick liked it. She was never officially my girlfriend, just more of a regular fuckbuddy.

My next girlfriend, Darlene, was a defining person in my life. We became romantic, but she refused to be my girlfriend for a while and eventually admitted that she had heard about how small "it" was and she didn't want to hurt me by cheating on me. After a day or so I realized what needed to happen and told her I didn't care if she slept with other guys as long as she was my girlfriend. She thought I was crazy, but agreed to it. Over the next 4 months she openly fucked anybody she wanted including several of my friends. Darlene never told me when she had fucked another guy, but thanks to Donna I knew what sloppy seconds felt like, so I knew. My experience with Darlene taught me that her sexual happiness resulted in our relationship happiness and that my sexual release wasn't important to for that. I probably would have married her, but from going to parties with the wrong people she got mixed up in hard drugs and it killed our relationship.

So when I married my wife I had an entire dating history of experiences that made it a natural transition. When my wife expressed unhappiness with my size I wasn't upset and knew it could be a positive thing if handled correctly (Jenny), I knew sexual exploration led to great things (Sue), I knew I enjoyed other guys cumming in my girl (Donna), and I understood that other guys fucking her could actually make our relationship better (Darlene). 30+ years later our marriage is going strong thanks to all of those girls before her.

[Thebestdays1]

I've wondered this hundreds of times over the years, that's how I found this forum.
My now, ex wife and I still talk about it via email and masturbate as it's exciting to talk to each other about it. But I'm still constantly wondering why I was never jealous of her giving a boyfriend more in one evening than she gave me in a month.
I enjoyed tasting the cum from her other lovers, the humiliation of other people knowing she was going with other men and knowing she preferred having sex with other men more than me. I was too vanilla for her so the fact that other men fancied her and that she was happy to fuck them and get her fun that way, was strangely arousing to me.
At first, we'd talk about the women's breasts we'd seen on the nearby topless or naturist beaches and we might mention a penis she'd noticed and liked the look of and it all seemed normal. Once I'd had a man in my mouth, we'd talk about how it felt to have our mouths filled and how we'd coped with swallowing his cum. It still felt sort of normal but I started wondering why it was strange that I could even know that and not mind that it was a penis she preferred instead of mine.
I guess I'll never know why I enjoyed the lifestyle but I should give up wondering and enjoy the memories. Especially as we meet up once a month, just after she's fucked her partner and I get to eat his cum from her before eating mine.

[Paulnlinda]

Excellent thread, particularly ucgp's '5 reasons'.

There is undoubtedly a biological factor to cuckolding which can (in part) be explained by parallels in nature.
One interesting (ongoing) study, enabled by advances in DNA analysis, is into Deer herds.

Previously the accepted wisdom was the alpha stag fathers nearly all the new born calves, though rogue males would occasionally sneak time with a stray male.
However DNA analysis of the herd consistently shows they father no more than 40-50% of the offspring, attributed to 'stray' females being more common than previously supposed.

Whilst these strays are often found by a single 'beta' male, they are usually found by a group of betas. They have the constraint of time - the Alpha will soon discover them. The studies show they generally do not fight the 1st male in attendance.

If they behave like alphas and fight for the privilege of mating they lose the opportunity permanently - whereas if they have evolved 'cuckold' tendencies' they will take turns and rely on their intense arousal to give their seed a slight reproductive advantage.

So there are precedents in the animal kingdom for alternative mating strategies, and whilst we are intelligent animals, we are still animals nonetheless.

This is merely offered as another piece of an extremely complex puzzle

[Cgb29]

Excellent thread, particularly ucgp's '5 reasons'.

There is undoubtedly a biological factor to cuckolding which can (in part) be explained by parallels in nature.
One interesting (ongoing) study, enabled by advances in DNA analysis, is into Deer herds.

Previously the accepted wisdom was the alpha stag fathers nearly all the new born calves, though rogue males would occasionally sneak time with a stray male.
However DNA analysis of the herd consistently shows they father no more than 40-50% of the offspring, attributed to 'stray' females being more common than previously supposed.

Whilst these strays are often found by a single 'beta' male, they are usually found by a group of betas. They have the constraint of time - the Alpha will soon discover them. The studies show they generally do not fight the 1st male in attendance.

If they behave like alphas and fight for the privilege of mating they lose the opportunity permanently - whereas if they have evolved 'cuckold' tendencies' they will take turns and rely on their intense arousal to give their seed a slight reproductive advantage.

So there are precedents in the animal kingdom for alternative mating strategies, and whilst we are intelligent animals, we are still animals nonetheless.

This is merely offered as another piece of an extremely complex puzzle

While I don't doubt there may be some interesting research of deer that can be applied to human behaviors, there is absolutely no way there is any serious research currently ongoing based on the alpha/beta male model, which has been debunked for decades. Such a thing would be simply data interpolated in some way to make a point that the original data aren't making.

[TXHotwifeandcuck]

Personally, I believe there are likely many factors at play for most men that are openly cucked. Several of those have been listed in some of the previous comments.

Voyeurism: many start off in a swingers situation and like myself, find more enjoyment watching our wife being satisfied by others than from our own personal sexual acts.

Size: allegedly, size doesn’t matter but as men we are all pretty sure at least in our own minds that it must be a significant contributing factor. Our thoughts go toward ensuring our wives receive the maximum enjoyment and this then ties back into the voyeuristic aspect.

Self Defense Mechanism: I can say that after many years in the lifestyle that I can admit that having been cheated on in previous relationships, it is possible that if I like it then I cannot be hurt. (Untrue, but it plays into my thoughts as to what may drive some portion of my interest.

Variety: also keeping the sex life fresh. With the multiple twist and turns that naturally occur in any type of relationship (sexual or other) there is a mystique about not always knowing what’s around the next corner.


Relief from expectations: I find that many times men who have “in charge” positions in life or employment that being the subservient (not the one in control) is a significant escape from the rest of the worlds daily pressures. Some Cuckolds are in an alpha role in all other aspects of their life and enjoy giving that role up in their sexual lives.

More than likely there are more than one of these or other factors that play a part in why we are into this.

Regards

[Amayzed]

I always look for a biological explanation. Of course it doesn't make sense biologically for a guy to want to be cheated on, but suppose it happened to you anyway (tens on thousands of years ago), what is the best thing to do, from a biological/genetical perspective? Run away? Fight the other guy? The first makes sense if you have no kids with this lady, the latter makes sense if you're young (and strong). But what if you're older and you do have kids with her? Is it good for your kids (and by extension, your genes) for you to run away or to risk dying in a fight? No, it's probably best to get aroused and pretend it didn't happen. Or even tell your wife that you know it happened and you like it (maybe it's less of a turn-on for her if you take away the risk -from her perspective). So I guess you're normal and it's just an evolutionary thing...

Biological/ evolutionary reasons like these make sense to me as well.
I wrote a post in the library a few years back along these lines -- see the "Viewpoint" link in my signature below.

[hornedhubby]

I used to wonder but I have known why with certainty for many years now.

Some of the factors - well outlined by ugcp - have already been discussed, along with the primal roots of this somewhat counterintuitive set of desires.

I'm in total agreement. All resonate with me. I would add the following observation.

My wife and I have been together for 44 years now and had sex many thousand times. It's all and always been excellent. But there have been only between 20 and 30 times, mostly in our early years together, where her desire before and during was far beyond typical. Moaning, panting, demanding pleasure and more pleasure in a quivering, lusty voice.

The most memorable was after watching a July 4 fireworks show together for the first time.

Seeing her like that, totally afire and uninhibited, made me crave seeing it again and again. I loved experiencing her like that!

She has acknowledged that even though she still has strong orgasms nearly every time I eat her pussy, it's hard to replicate that special passion because we've done this so many times and know each other so well. Just hard to make it new and exciting.

I think if she fucked another guy, a stud who really pushed her buttons and filled her pussy, while I watched or participated or heard about it later, it might reawaken that magical potential.

[mr_slapdash]

I am into it because I don't feel like a man, at all. And she loves having me as a husband, but I want her to see me as a wife instead. So this is the way she actually gets to have a man fuck her and do the things I cannot.

[inivisibletwin]

the topic of why I'm into this, why I want my wife to have sex with other men, why I get turned on by it, and why I dont ever want it to stop because the thought of returning to traditional monogamy just seems boring, is one I have given much thought to over the years.

in my case, I do come from a broken home. My parents divorced when i was too young to understand what was happening. There is a lot to unpack there, that we dont need to get into... but also, ever since I first started noticing girls, every girl I was ever interested in had a boyfriend, and every girl I ever dated cheated on me.

literally every one, except for my current wife, but only because we have redefined what it means to "cheat." My wife has slept with many, many men since we have been together, but I no longer consider that cheating.

in middle school and high school I had several girlfriends who cheated on me and left me. One of whom actually called me to tell me her parents were gone and there were 2 guys over to her house, and she was just wearing panties... one of the guys even got on the phone with me to tell me he was going to "take care" of my girlfriend... while that did end the relationship, i just remember being turned on instead of being hurt.

then my first wife ended up having an affair for some months, behind my back, after I opened up to her about wanting to experiment with non-monogamy. she ended up leaving me for him... and yeah, i was broken up about losing my wife, but i was also turned on by the way it happened... cuckoldry is weird like that.

i think all this put together has lead to my "jealousy" wire and my "arousal" wire being crossed, and things that should make me jealous actually just arouse me... and an argument could be made that the reverse is also true... if I had the option to fuck my wife, but doing so meant another man couldnt, then I'd rather let the other man fuck her. I would feel almost "bad" that I was taking her away from him... the thing that should turn me on kinda makes me jealous... if that makes sense...

there are deep psychological issues at play here, for sure... but one thing I do know for sure...

once you admit to yourself that this turns you on, theres no going back.