I finally told her

[runya123]

I finally told my wife that I fantasize about her being with another guy. Big step for me, I have been wanting to do this for awhile. She was not upset at all.

She said it freaks her out to think of me being with another girl. I assured her this was not about me being with another girl, that I do not want that at all. She said she definitely knows that.

I also told her all my sexual fantasies involved her, which she was very thankful for.

What should I do next?? Any tips to take this forward? At this point, I think we want to spice up the bedroom with it, but I do not think we are ready to actually try it in real life.

[patw3268]

Most of us screw it up by being a salesman.

Your next step should be to ask her questions about how she felt.

Resist all temptation to force your narrative. Your only goal here is to validate her feelings. Negative or positive. Again, resist the urge to sell the idea.

[BallSpanking]

Let the idea percolate in her brain, give her time to digest it and figure out what it means for her.
If she is interested at all, or curious, she will bring it up, ask you questions. Be ready to give the the best, most reassuring answers you can, and continue to emphasize that this is not an underhanded way for you to exercise a similar freedom. This is about her sexual fulfillment and what you can do to bring it about.
What you have done is called 'Planting the Seed', you have sown the delicious notion in her head. Now give her the time, space, and reassurance (when she needs it) to allow the seed to germinate and grow strong. Be loving and patient, and, remember this is about your wife's sexual self realization, not about your kink, so, she may take this in a direction that turns her on, and not necessarily what you fantasized about with your 'little' head, so be ready to be supportive and encouraging of her exploring her own desires, and I can guarantee you they will challenge you and stretch your notions of what you wanted for her (or yourself).
Above all, don't harangue her, quiz her, or give her the third degree, let her wrap her head around the concept in her own time, organically. It may take her days, weeks, or even months, but when she brings it up, you will know for sure it has been on her mind. Moreover, if her questions are along the lines of "How would this work", or "What are my boundaries ...?", then you'll know for a fact she has accepted the idea, and now is looking for ways to put that dynamic into play in a safe, successful manner.
Please keep us posted. Good luck.

[zorro]

Have you asked her if she would like to add another guy? That will get her thinking about it and considering the possibilities.

[KevDi69]

Good start. Be supportive of her as she tests the waters. Her questions may explore the limits of your desires. Then she might start telling you when she finds a guy attractive and eventually flirt in front of you. Do not freak out if she does! Let her advance on her own pace. Good luck.

[Treat yourself girl]

Start talking about it next time the two of you have sex. Tell her how hot she is. Tell her how lucky you are to fuck her. Tell that so many other guys would love to have her. Watch and sense her reaction. Pick some guy you know and tell her he wants to fuck her. If she plays along ask her how she'd fuck him. If it goes well be prepared to be surprised.

Keep playing the games.

[Pufferfish]

Women try to understand this fantasy by thinking about it the other way. She can't understand WHY you would have this fantasy about her having sex with someone else because she wouldn't like you having sex with someone else. So she'll decide that she knows best, that you wouldn't really like it, it's a trap, or something else and just never go through with it. That is unless she begins to believe that this is actually something you would like for some reason. So don't be pushy, but help her understand that you would seriously love it and why.

What helped my wife was me writing specific stories/scenarios for her to think about and imagine, and because I came up with them she knew that I also liked it. So talking at least about some scenarios or situations that you would enjoy will get her thinking about it positively. The longer she thinks positively about it, the more likely a positive outcome. If she thinks it's a bad thing, she'll never think about it positively. Don't push her to do it, just give her some fuel to think about.

[BritishCuckCpl]

Don't rush things but it sounds very similar to how it started for us.

I was nervous as hell but finally told her and explained how all my fantasies are about her, how way back when we were dating I would imagine her playing around when I wasn't with her and it would turn me on and it was just something I loved the idea of and wondered if she would be willing to roleplay ideas sometimes. My wife was fine with that and was actually pleased to be the centre of my fantasies. So similar to you and it took a lot of baby steps afterwards.

I'll list out some things that worked for me.

- Roleplay in the bedroom and make it obvious how much more turned on I am when she talks about other men. She worked it out that when she wanted my attention and wanted good sex, that was the way to do it so it became an important part of our sex life after a while, just something we both started to enjoy and need to get things going in the bedroom.

- I was talking to a bull on a phone chat app and she was curious about what we talked about so I showed her. She was expecting me to be talking about other women but she was pleased that we really were talking about her and she enjoyed reading his comments. She ended up picking out better pictures to share with him and then I suggested I install the app on her phone and we have a group chat. No pressure, she could just read and not talk. Well she agreed and a week later I was a disappointed that she hadn't spoken much at all, but then I found she had been 1 on 1 chatting with him and even flashed him. I was totally stunned that she had dared to do that. Later she said that it's one thing to have me tell her she's sexy because I always do that as her husband, but there's something very arousing about another man saying it. It made her feel sexy again and that pulled her in to wanting to hear that more. She went on to share some porn with him (she was very anti-porn around me) but she enjoyed exploring her hidden side with a man she had no long term commitment to.

- Later I suggested meeting the bull but she said no. The next day she came to me and was suggesting places to meet him socially. Just let her build some confidence around the subject.

- Later, start with social meets, just coffee. We went to one arranged as a group where a bunch of couples and bulls just went out for a summer social. For her, seeing that people in the lifestyle are just normal people and nice people with some fun and exciting stories to share was very eye opening and really relaxed her to the idea.

- Talk honestly and often. Listen to her fantasies as well. Talk from the heart and let her see how much you enjoy it when she talks about these things. It takes time to really relax to the idea.

That's it really. After that it's dating and playing.

[KevKev]

What helped my wife was me writing specific stories/scenarios for her to think about and imagine, and because I came up with them she knew that I also liked it. So talking at least about some scenarios or situations that you would enjoy will get her thinking about it positively.

Do you still have copies of those stories? I'd be interested in reading them.

[BritishCuckCpl]

What helped my wife was me writing specific stories/scenarios for her to think about and imagine, and because I came up with them she knew that I also liked it. So talking at least about some scenarios or situations that you would enjoy will get her thinking about it positively.

Do you still have copies of those stories? I'd be interested in reading them.

That's a great tip, I did something similar. I still have those early stories I wrote but I haven't read them for years, they won't be amazing quality I'm sure.

[KevKev]

That's a great tip, I did something similar. I still have those early stories I wrote but I haven't read them for years, they won't be amazing quality I'm sure.

I'm interested in reading them.

[BritishCuckCpl]

I just checked and I have 9 I wrote back in those early days. I'm going to read them again because I can't remember what I wrote at all.
Not sure where I could post them, or I just PM them if they're not too awful.