Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Lookingforadventure]

My wife asked me, “ what if I like it too much?” I think her meaning was what if she liked sex with another way more than she enjoys it with me. Of course I would love that, but I want to get a woman’s perspective on what she might want to hear from me.

I think she might want to know how you will feel if watching her have sex (or hearing about it after) isn't as emotionally neutral for either of you as watching porn. How will you feel if she enjoys herself? If she is really attracted to him? If she develops feelings? How will she feel about those things?

It sounds to me like she wants to talk to the emotional realities to make sure you are both on the same page and are ready. I don't know that you can ever predict everything, but having some frank "what if" conversations are probably healthy before your first time.

[Lookingforadventure]

Ok, so we need to start the post and be honest that we didn't read all 121 pages yet (we will haha) but this thread seems like the best place for advice on getting into this all. So, our question for the ladies that post on this thread - how long did it take from merely talking about becoming a hotwife with your husband to actually sealing the deal? Thank you in advance!!

I would answer this by saying that everyone is different and you should go at the pace that feels right to the two of you. If you are ready to create a profile online, go for it. It doesn't mean you have to meet anyone right away. Or if you are ready to go flirt in a bar, give that a try. It doesn't have to end in a hotel room. Figure out a reasonable "first step", try it out, discuss how you both feel, then repeat with the next thing that feels right.

[Lookingforadventure]

At what point do you married ladys allow a much older black bull to fuck you in front off your cuckold husband. Totally unprotected and birth control free. Knowing the bull is very virile and is going to put you into maternity knickers in a very short time does cuck hub have any imput at this stage

I don't think i would ever do that.

[irishstag41]

Have any of you beautiful hotwives been to Jamaica ? Planning to go this year. Do you know where to go. Can't figure if hotels cater for swingers or hotwives, maybe both. We would prefer hotwives only but i guess thats not feasible.
you

[Liese]

Have any of you beautiful hotwives been to Jamaica? Planning to go this year. Do you know where to go. Can't figure if hotels cater for swingers or hotwives, maybe both. We would prefer hotwives only but i guess thats not feasible.
you

Not yet. Hub and I have been to a few of the lifestyle places in the US like Rooftop, Caliente, the old Pandora's Forest and the Grove, to name a few. Maybe sometime this year, maybe not. And if Jamaica wants us hotwives only, then it won't happen. Hub's always a part of my pleasures.

[Tryn]

My wife asked me, “ what if I like it too much?” I think her meaning was what if she liked sex with another way more than she enjoys it with me. Of course I would love that, but I want to get a woman’s perspective on what she might want to hear from me.

I think she might want to know how you will feel if watching her have sex (or hearing about it after) isn't as emotionally neutral for either of you as watching porn. How will you feel if she enjoys herself? If she is really attracted to him? If she develops feelings? How will she feel about those things?

It sounds to me like she wants to talk to the emotional realities to make sure you are both on the same page and are ready. I don't know that you can ever predict everything, but having some frank "what if" conversations are probably healthy before your first time.

Interesting! I guess I can see that now that you mention it. Thank you!

[funchris]

Hello ladies,

I am very grateful to all of you who are willing and patient enough to help us men try to navigate the tricky ins and outs of this journey with our partners. Thank you for your time and efforts.

(I just re-read this and realized it is pretty long, please forgive me. There is ALOT more backstory regarding our bond and loving relationship and communication but I'm just trying to stick to the event and how to help serve her in processing after the fact).

The love of my life GF of 7 years just had her first 'hotwife' sexual experience with a guy she has had a few dates with. (She has had a few other girls nights out where she has drank and danced and made out with a few other guys but never exchanged number so those did not progress. But she LOVED the feeling of acting free and 'single'. She LOVES men and maleness and is so sexual and all woman that she can practically almost come from just making out with men). I'm so happy for her. This has been a long journey for us together to get to this point.

Amazingly, it was an almost perfect experience for her. She really built some chemistry with James over 3 drink dates. Lots of making out, flirting and good fun conversations. For her, she has always needed to build a connection and chemistry with a man before she sleeps with him. He bought a nice hotel room that night after drinks and the moment did not disappoint. His cock stayed good and hard, fucked for over an hour, wore a condom, he came (she said it that was hot). She let herself go with it and had passion apparently no guilt. She said next time she wants to sleep over. HA. we haven't really set any boundaries regarding things like that yet. I wanted to let her drive these experiences at her pace and her discretion. I mean, come on, we guys are the ones that bring this desire for a lifestyle that is not the 'norm' as to how most women have been programmed is 'wrong' or fraught with the perils of not maintaining a one man monogamous traditional relationship structure.

I am a huge compersion guy and was thrilled for her. I wanted to ask you how to best take care of her during the re-connect after her adventure. I wanted to say the right things (words) in order to help her reconcile her taking a new lover (says she wants to have more sex with him) and keep our primary relationship strong, closer, her feeling safe.

We both acknowledged that she will need time to 'process' and she wanted to wait a day before a download of exactly what transpired with him (most details) and then reconnect with sex with me.

I didnt get this question out to you all before this weekend so I went with what I have gleaned from this forum and other forums on what she would need to hear from me and actions I could take. But basically 'winged it'. Fri through today.

this morning she told me she feels incredibly close to me.

I told her,

"I think we navigated our relationship pretty well post a very big event on Thursday night that both of us wanted to make sure that we came through it in a way without any detrimental affects to our amazing love with each other.

I’m not sure if you got everything you wanted or needed from me regarding reassurance or safety the next day. And I love that you brought up the fact that it might take you a while to process. That’s very smart of you and from what I understand very normal and a very good thing to do. To give you a little bit of space, but also be there for you in whatever capacity you needed. And I don’t know how well you processed over Friday evening or Saturday day before you got a chance to debrief the details with me a little bit at dinner.

I know you have so much going on that you don’t need to throw in another very emotional and energy, sucking aspect to your life so please take your time and there’s no rush and let me know how I can be the best partner for you and however, you need me and however, things might change for you and how you feel And what your concerns are, etc.

I know I asked how you’re feeling a few times and wanted to make sure that you felt taken care of emotionally and things like that. Being tender and reassuring etc. Whatever else you needed that I didn’t provide see if you can ask for it.

Please feel free to tell me what I can work on in that regard. I know you gave me some things to work on Saturday night and an overall sense of our relationship to help build trust and safety and security with me. And I loved it again by the way.

I want to thank you for you being exactly the way you are and I’m very grateful for that and that’s what I love about you and I’m so happy that you reiterate that you need me and I think we just had a really really good Saturday and Sunday getting closer and closer and loving and cuddling, and I think we’ll get even better and better at that going forward.

I truly think you’re amazing and we have such a good thing together and I think we both want and need each other and no one else can give us what we have.

I did hear you about your warnings (about worrying that you might project and fantasize about how a life with one of these guys might be even though you understand that alot of it will be NRE and may fade) and all that and I take that seriously and I think those are the things that we will continue to need to have conversation, again. I respect that you are your own person and you will have your own thoughts and feelings and emotions and desires Around everything in your life so I just ask you to please stay tight with me and then communication so that I can adjust and do what I need to do to keep you."

Question, what other things do you think she needs to hear from me and actions I can perform post her encounter?

[Arrows4444]

Hi, I have a genuine question that I'm really interested in a female take on.

As my wife and I explore whether or not to turn our fantasy and role play into reality, it has crossed my mind that the ability to have multiple orgasms (or not) may be an influencing contributing factor to women enjoying this lifestyle?

My wife used to say she is like a man (lol), as soon as she orgasms she's done and just wants to go to sleep (if it's night time) or get dressed and get on with the day (if in the morning or daytime). She's never been able to have more than one orgasm, not that we haven't tried on occasion! And if she cums first (which I always try to ensure she does) she is happy for me to finish but then she's done.

I did wonder if this may impact her enjoyment/desire to include another guy in an MFM as for her, once she's cum she's done and I can see the broader appeal if you are multi orgasmic of 2 guys being able to provide more orgasms!

Am I overthinking this? Just wanted a female perspective other than my wife before I bring this up with her. She's already said not to push or rush things so I don't want to bring up the conversation too often and appear obsessed!

[armyguyot1]

Everything affects everything. There are women on here who only have one and women who have many. Mine has learned to allow herself to cum more than once. She originally had some little girl hangups about cumming at all. As she matured she allowed herself to cum and allowed more active orgasms. It took work on my part to learn how to give more and also to let her know they were good for the man as well as her. She can have many now and it makes it great. What a treat for the guy to have her buck and twitch and moan. Her pussy gets so active with contractions. It's worth working for and makes her sex and yours so much better. A single orgasm doesn't necessarily have to be a limit but in my case we overcame it. Now she can overcum to the point of headache. If she doesn't have a headache after sex I feel we have let her down. Doesn't happen often.

[Arrows4444]

Thanks for the reply and sharing your experience Armyguy.

Something for my wife and I to continue working on together, I don't think either of us will complain about that!

[Harrymonk36]

Hello everybody, I'm new here and have a question I'd like to ask if that's ok? My wife and I have enjoyed talking about the hotwife fantasy, but are yet to take the plunge. It's been a good few years, but she still has reservations.

How did you feel when your husband brought it up that he wanted you to sleep with other men? I'm interested to find out if it was a eureka moment, or something you already wanted to do or something else.

Thanks in advance, and apologies if this has been asked before and I've missed it.

[Liese]

How did you feel when your husband brought it up that he wanted you to sleep with other men?

Well, that's never how the conversation ever went for me and hubby.

Once I got over my hang-ups (instilled by my family of origin and society in general) in my late 30's we started talking about our sexual interests and fantasies. It was low pressure, no expectation that those ideas need to be fulfilled, just sort of putting it out there as ideas occurred. And that meant it didn't start with "hey, let's have sex with other people". It started with fun stuff we might consider doing together.

So we tried new stuff, baby steps. Stuff we decided we were both ok trying. Me masturbating for him while he watched and even took photos (were we both surprised when we discovered I enjoyed that at least as much as he did!) Me doing sexy/nude poses outdoors, tho secluded. Sex outside. All sorts of new toys. Watching porn together and getting ideas from that.

After a couple of years of that, I got bold enough to mention that the idea of watching other people have sex in person excited me, as did having another couple watch us. He was surprised, but interested in that idea. It took a while but we did have some same room sex with another couple we trusted, and enjoyed it. That progressed to me doing a toy show for hub and the other couple, and eventually into my first bi experience with the other woman in front of our guys, and moving on to touching and oral with the other couple, and eventually with other couples too. After each new experience, hub and I talked to each other. DId it work for us? Any weirdness? Any concerns? Did anything we did sort of go beyond our comfort zones? What were our comfort zones? What should our limits as a couple be?

We ended up as a moderate swap couple, with our basic limits being that we were always together in the same room when playing with others, that we reserved cock into pussy sex for just between the two of us (tho in front of and while entangled with others was just soooo fine too!), and that either of us could call a halt to any encounter at any time for any reason, or for no reason.

We've had a ton of fun giving and getting orgasms with others within those limits. He'll watch me with another guy then join in when he wants to (and he always wants to). We play with other couples, in 2some swaps and 4somes. I love the FFM fun too, and erotic massage with even more folks involved.

Well, that may be more info than you were looking for, or the wrong sort of info. Bottom line: Hub never told me what he wanted me to do, he told me things that he thought were exciting and that he thought we both might enjoy together. And I told him the same sorts of things. And sparks flew, for over 25 years now.

[alicexg]

Hello There Hotwives, looking to hear your opinion on this topic. thank you! love you all.

As a hotwife for many years, my desires have evolved. I’m no longer just looking for casual encounters—I now seek something deeper. I want to be kissed, passionately connected, and experience intimacy that goes beyond just sex, with a focus on missionary and moments of cuddling. I’m looking for a sexy, more frequent connection with my bull, but this doesn’t mean I’m in love with him or looking to end my relationship with my husband. It’s simply about finding something beyond physicality.

Currently, I’ve been with my bull for over four months, and I truly enjoy my time with him. He’s experienced, funny, and respects the boundaries of my marriage. My husband gets along well with him, they do fish together, watch games together and chat about me. He’s a black man in his 30s, well-endowed, and single.
what is your opinion about that?
thanks again
Alice

[EmilieFemBoy]

How do you hotwifes feel about your partners wearing same underwear that you wear? My partner let's me wear her panties and lingerie and I usually buy her lingerie that she can wear when she goes to meet her bull.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum EmillieFemBoy.

[Harrymonk36]

How did you feel when your husband brought it up that he wanted you to sleep with other men?

Well, that's never how the conversation ever went for me and hubby.

Once I got over my hang-ups (instilled by my family of origin and society in general) in my late 30's we started talking about our sexual interests and fantasies. It was low pressure, no expectation that those ideas need to be fulfilled, just sort of putting it out there as ideas occurred. And that meant it didn't start with "hey, let's have sex with other people". It started with fun stuff we might consider doing together.

So we tried new stuff, baby steps. Stuff we decided we were both ok trying. Me masturbating for him while he watched and even took photos (were we both surprised when we discovered I enjoyed that at least as much as he did!) Me doing sexy/nude poses outdoors, tho secluded. Sex outside. All sorts of new toys. Watching porn together and getting ideas from that.

After a couple of years of that, I got bold enough to mention that the idea of watching other people have sex in person excited me, as did having another couple watch us. He was surprised, but interested in that idea. It took a while but we did have some same room sex with another couple we trusted, and enjoyed it. That progressed to me doing a toy show for hub and the other couple, and eventually into my first bi experience with the other woman in front of our guys, and moving on to touching and oral with the other couple, and eventually with other couples too. After each new experience, hub and I talked to each other. DId it work for us? Any weirdness? Any concerns? Did anything we did sort of go beyond our comfort zones? What were our comfort zones? What should our limits as a couple be?

We ended up as a moderate swap couple, with our basic limits being that we were always together in the same room when playing with others, that we reserved cock into pussy sex for just between the two of us (tho in front of and while entangled with others was just soooo fine too!), and that either of us could call a halt to any encounter at any time for any reason, or for no reason.

We've had a ton of fun giving and getting orgasms with others within those limits. He'll watch me with another guy then join in when he wants to (and he always wants to). We play with other couples, in 2some swaps and 4somes. I love the FFM fun too, and erotic massage with even more folks involved.

Well, that may be more info than you were looking for, or the wrong sort of info. Bottom line: Hub never told me what he wanted me to do, he told me things that he thought were exciting and that he thought we both might enjoy together. And I told him the same sorts of things. And sparks flew, for over 25 years now.

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. I still have no idea if we will get to where you have, but we have been trying more things recently which is encouraging. When we were first together we experimented a lot, but this stopped when we had children. My wife has now started to enjoy dressing up, posing for photos, playing with toys. One of our favourite has been using a dildo and pretending that it's another man so she can have 2. We have tried porn too, but she finds it too male orientated, so I'm looking for more couples friendy content.

She's more than aware of my fantasy, as I admitted it years ago. She has admitted that she finds it hot, but it would feel like cheating, and she also has body image issues and feels that other men won't be attracted to her. I've also suggested sharing some anonymous pictures on here to test the water, but at the moment she's concerned about being recognised.

Sorry, I've now waffled on about my life a lot. Thanks again for the reply.

[Lookingforadventure]

How do you hotwifes feel about your partners wearing same underwear that you wear? My partner let's me wear her panties and lingerie and I usually buy her lingerie that she can wear when she goes to meet her bull.

I like when he buys me lingerie to wear. I don't really share my underwear with him. I'm not judging, it just isn't my thing.

One Christmas I did buy my boyfriend and husband matching pairs of boxer briefs. That was fun!

[Lookingforadventure]

Hello There Hotwives, looking to hear your opinion on this topic. thank you! love you all.

As a hotwife for many years, my desires have evolved. I’m no longer just looking for casual encounters—I now seek something deeper. I want to be kissed, passionately connected, and experience intimacy that goes beyond just sex, with a focus on missionary and moments of cuddling. I’m looking for a sexy, more frequent connection with my bull, but this doesn’t mean I’m in love with him or looking to end my relationship with my husband. It’s simply about finding something beyond physicality.

Currently, I’ve been with my bull for over four months, and I truly enjoy my time with him. He’s experienced, funny, and respects the boundaries of my marriage. My husband gets along well with him, they do fish together, watch games together and chat about me. He’s a black man in his 30s, well-endowed, and single.
what is your opinion about that?
thanks again
Alice

Hi Alice. I love this! I have learned that I'm not cut out for one-night stands or quick flings. I like longer term relationships and "all the feels" that comes with that. So your description of what you desire sounds wonderful to me. If it feels good to you, your husband, and your partner, then I say enjoy it.

[Libertine_Lark]

Have any of the hotwives here ever fantasized about working as an elite (high-end) escort for an evening, where the husband sets up the encounter as if he were an escort agency?

To be clear, I’m not talking about actually working as an escort but merely role-playing this with a witting man (e.g., handsome traveling businessman staying at an expensive hotel).

Welcome comments.

LL

[CumApocalypse]

Have any HW's ever had discussions with the next generation about the lifestyle? Or have been 2nd generation hotwives themselves?

[CumApocalypse]

Has any hotwife ever told their daughters about the lifestyle or been told it from their mother's?

[hotrocket]

hi all, my question is: do any of you have fun with and enjoy bulls that are clearly less attractive than yiur husband and with a smaller penis? if so what is it that attracted yiu to them to make you jave sex with them, and what do you enjoy about them?

context: my wife and i often sortof role play hotwifing during our sexy times with theoretical hot big dicked men, but i am not sure how likely she would want to ever do it, or enjoy it in real life. i already have a very large penis which can often cause difficulties and it wouldnt be easy finding someone bigger in real life. i am also very attractive and she very rarely finds other men attractive, so it woild be very difficult to find a guy hotter than me, especially thatis willing to have sex with her. (and pkease dont question this difficulty,i live in a small area within a small population large land mass island country).

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum hotrocket.

[Justaregularguy]

So my wife is not yet a hotwife but a few months ago after a session she asked me if she was on a work trip and saw and guy she liked and had the opportunity would I be angry with her for not discussing it first… I said no I wouldn’t but what’s everybody’s opinion on this… firstly is it a confession do you think or is it a sign that she’s really considering hotwifing?

[Lookingforadventure]

Has any hotwife ever told their daughters about the lifestyle or been told it from their mother's?

Sorry. I just realized that I've been negligent in checking this forum for awhile and there are several unanswered questions. As for your particular question, no. I have not talked about this lifestyle with my mother or my daughters. If my daughters found out about it in some way, I'd be honest with them about what was going on and answer any questions they had.