My girlfriend and her interest in other men

[elina]

Yes she definitely enjoys sucking him in front of me. She's confessed it gets her hot and she has mentioned for her birthday she might like to try having sex with him in our apartment rather than just a bj. I'm getting a little more comfortable with it but tbh still very flustered when she goes down on him and starts doing her thing. She gets very into it and I've seen some very well lit views of them together. It messes with my head. She recently sent me a picture of her in his apartment, sitting on his sofa with arms crossed in a photogenic position and a sweet smile, with him standing next to her, approximately at blowjob height, which I feel was intentionally suggestive. I have been wanting to just ask her if he's her boyfriend or if I am, but so far haven't gotten up the nerve.

Dear Tolliver,

Maybe there is a better idea than to ask Her if he is or you are Her boyfriend.

Maybe it is time for you to buy Her flowers, present them while you are kneeling nude in front of Her, and tell Her that you love Her want to be Her primary boyfriend. Tell Her that you appreciate that She is very open with you with respect to Her need for additional lovers but that it is very important to you to feel that you have a special part in Her Life, then ask Her if you can please lick Her Pussy before She responds and that you very much want Her to direct you to teach you to become the best pussy licker She can ever have.

If you want to stay with this Lady, my hunch is that this approach will give a higher probability that you will be able to do so. If you ask Her to choose directly, you may or may not get the answer you want this time. But from how Rie has approached this, I guess it is very likely that She will continue to seek other lovers in the future. The fact that you now contemplate how to secure your place in Her life to me indicates that you have now accepted that you want to stay with Her and be Her cuckold, eventually Her Cucky-Husband?

Thanks for joining and your wonderful posts this year.
I wish you and Rie a very happy new Year.

Sincerely
elina

[loving_hubby]

Dear Tolliver,

Maybe there is a better idea than to ask Her if he is or you are Her boyfriend.

Maybe it is time for you to buy Her flowers, present them while you are kneeling nude in front of Her, and tell Her that you love Her want to be Her primary boyfriend. Tell Her that you appreciate that She is very open with you with respect to Her need for additional lovers but that it is very important to you to feel that you have a special part in Her Life, then ask Her if you can please lick Her Pussy before She responds and that you very much want Her to direct you to teach you to become the best pussy licker She can ever have.

If you want to stay with this Lady, my hunch is that this approach will give a higher probability that you will be able to do so. If you ask Her to choose directly, you may or may not get the answer you want this time. But from how Rie has approached this, I guess it is very likely that She will continue to seek other lovers in the future. The fact that you now contemplate how to secure your place in Her life to me indicates that you have now accepted that you want to stay with Her and be Her cuckold, eventually Her Cucky-Husband?

Thanks for joining and your wonderful posts this year.
I wish you and Rie a very happy new Year.

Sincerely
elina

Not an expert but this was a well written reply.

[hornedhubby]

While I would agree with elina that this would be the OP's best way to win Rie's acceptance of his role, I wonder if she is worth winning. This is a young relationship, not a marriage. And she seems to be in it all for herself. From the description so far, not a compassionate, caring person. I'd love to hear otherwise if the OP feels this is not a fair statement.

Unless the OP truly wants first and foremost to be her total slave, perhaps he needs to step back and assess whether Rie is capable of loving him over the long haul, under any conditions. If he expects more than fun - and I'm cucky enough to see the fun in this - he's going to get hurt.

[ucaneffher]

Dear Tolliver,

Maybe there is a better idea than to ask Her if he is or you are Her boyfriend.

Maybe it is time for you to buy Her flowers, present them while you are kneeling nude in front of Her, and tell Her that you love Her want to be Her primary boyfriend. Tell Her that you appreciate that She is very open with you with respect to Her need for additional lovers but that it is very important to you to feel that you have a special part in Her Life, then ask Her if you can please lick Her Pussy before She responds and that you very much want Her to direct you to teach you to become the best pussy licker She can ever have.

If you want to stay with this Lady, my hunch is that this approach will give a higher probability that you will be able to do so. If you ask Her to choose directly, you may or may not get the answer you want this time. But from how Rie has approached this, I guess it is very likely that She will continue to seek other lovers in the future. The fact that you now contemplate how to secure your place in Her life to me indicates that you have now accepted that you want to stay with Her and be Her cuckold, eventually Her Cucky-Husband?

Thanks for joining and your wonderful posts this year.
I wish you and Rie a very happy new Year.

Sincerely
elina

Not an expert but this was a well written reply.

I agree with Elina and Loving_Hubby. The ultimatum scenarios never seem to end well and or will bring some time of resentment and animosity if it does end "well".

Assuming that you are willing to compromise and accept her doing long term hint hint accepting to let her teach you and turn you into a full blown cuckold, then, you want to take the more mellow approach and not be as defiant. Unless you really don't want to have this type of relationship. It seems to me that she has made up her mind and has demonstrated that this is how she will operate whether you want it, whether like it, or not. Seems to me there is no negotiating other than setting ground rules but I suspect that she will always have other men on the side. So if you're not prepared to share her, she may not be the one for you.

The fact that you've caught her getting friendly in public with other men, allowed her to go spend time alone with the neighbor, and have watched being intimate with him, regardless of feeling uncomfortable or not liking it, it says you are willing to accept it and sort of predisposed to be accepting of a promiscuous girlfriend or wife.

A man not willing to accept this would've kicked his girlfriend or wife to the curb, especially if she started giving oral to another man in front of him. You on the other hand like most of not all of us on this board, have out up with it. So it seems that your best strategy is not to make her pick but to show support while still trying to set some ground rules and boundaries. Compromise is where it's all at!

[Tolliver]

Thanks for the responses. I don't know if I'm ready to be a long term cuck just yet. I have actually thought for a while now about asking her to stop bringing him over to our apartment and just go to his place on the weekends to get her kicks. That way I could compartmentalize more and I wouldn't have to see him over here with his big thing in her mouth on a regular basis. I mean dinner is one thing but I could do without watching her go down on him and feeling like he is her real man. As you will see later in this post that was about to change.

Also I'd like to know where this is all headed so I can have some say in it. Is she going to just do what she wants always? Because I'd like to have some say in it and have limits on how often this sort of thing can happen. It's very confusing to try and articulate though. I haven't done a good job of it so far. I do get turned on by the idea of her being with him but I don't feel I'm prepared to see it as often as she is wanting.

Last night he sent her a text telling her he was at a party and he wanted her to meet him at his place when he got home. (She has had a key fob to his door for months now). I couldn't help myself and just blurted out the million dollar question. Is he your boyfriend or am I? She calmly and cheerfully answered that I was her boyfriend but he was her stud. And every woman needs a stud. This actually didn't upset me at all, and on a whim I told her to have fun although I felt like a loser and an idiot after she left dressed up for him in a trashy skirt and low cut top and hour later, with my permission no less. We kissed at midnight but I definitely didn't feel like I was her bf as she was walking out the door to wait for him in his apt. The moment after she said bye and turned her back on me to walk out the door was a memorable moment, and not in a good way.

It messed up my head to the point where I needed to know what was happening. He returned around 1 like he said and I put my ear to the wall in the bedroom and to my surprise, could hear them talking and getting on although barely due to the noise cancelling walls. At one point I could hear him say "I need you over here more", and I'm pretty sure her answer, albeit low, was "I know. I'm working on it." After that I went back out to the living room, feeling pretty bad. The last thing I wanted to hear was the two of them in the throes of passion. I actually thought about breaking up with her briefly, then got the idea she might move in with him, which seemed like a much worse alternative. In that instant, my brain changed completely and I resolved to be more accommodating to her having him over. The idea of her switching to living with him scares the crap out of me, since everyone in the building would know and my family would possibly catch wind of it too. It would be crushing. I've never dated a girl as beautiful and personable as her, and don't want to lose her.

When she got back I was as nice as I could be to her, asking how it was, and she said they had a good time.

She had actually sent me pics of her with him, which I hadn't noticed. 2 of her sucking him, and one of her on her hands and knees with him behind her in a doggy position. It was kind of overhead and nothing x-rated was visible, but I could see her impressive T&A. After asking her about it, I found out he had taken the pics, sent them to her, and she sent to me, all while they were in the middle of getting busy. She sheepishly told me it gets her extremely hot for me to see her with him. I acknowledged and told her I thought it was a legitimate fantasy, and that she shouldn't feel guilty. Then I summoned all my courage and told her maybe she should have him over more often if she wanted. She said that's a good idea and we both went to sleep, having had more than a few drinks throughout the night.

[elina]

Dear Toliver,

I think you may be in a challenging position.

If what you want and the limits on your GF that you would like to impose is not aligned with what She wants, then basically I think it will be very difficult to make this relationship last.

I am not suggesting that you end this immediately, but I do think that when you go forward you need to recognize that this relationship may at some time have to come to an end.

Good luck whatever approach you deserve to take.

Sincerely
elina

[venus-can99]

Folks with experience in the LS can give good advice. IMO you need to have find out what is it you want from this relationship and then have an honest conversation with her. I am sure you may be able to find a consellor with experience in ENM give both of you some practical advise. In some cases this LS may NOT be for you.

[loving_hubby]

Folks with experience in the LS can give good advice. IMO you need to have find out what is it you want from this relationship and then have an honest conversation with her.

This right here. Coming from experience, you can't be half-in or wishy washy. Face some hard truths in what you want and how you see this relationship down the road. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

[hornedhubby]

Tolliver, I honestly hope my speculations about Rie are off-target. If you want to be a cuck, she certainly has some aptitude for being a dominant cuckoldress. But I'm not seeing her as a good partner, now or moving forward.

For instance, when she says you're her boyfriend, does she really mean her benefactor?

Are you being manipulated in other ways? Paying all the apartment rent, even after she moved in? Buying all the meals, all the groceries? All the everything? Does she contribute to your lives as a couple in any substantial way? Do you feel her love?

Read my post history and you will find I have strong submissive tendencies and love and admire powerful women who enjoy and act upon their sexuality outside the norms. But a satisfying cuck/cucktress relationship or female led relationship needs to have a love bond at the center, at least I believe this to be true.

Best luck.

[user322]

hello,
i have the impression that you are not sure of what you want in your cuckold relationship, and it seems to me that you need to clarify this in order to make the decisions that suit you, and then have the consequences that suit you.

When I read what you write, I have the impression that if you continue in this dynamic with your girlfriend, you will end up completely dominated, and perhaps excluded from normal sexual practices with your girlfriend ...

So either you agree with that, or you will have to act differently: that is to say, you will have to set your limits. You will have to dare to talk about these limits with your girlfriend, whatever the consequences for your relationship. If you don't do that, you risk ending up more and more submissive in the relationship.

If you don't want to be totally submissive, don't be submissive to her beauty, or to what she is...... You can love her with all your heart, but don't be submissive (unless that's what you want). When there is submission there is no equality. When there is love, there is equality between everyone, and therefore everyone must be able to derive pleasure from it and everyone must be able to express their limits if the pleasure is no longer there.

Having a cuckold's fatasm, and wanting to be submissive is not exactly the same thing.
You can want to be cuckolded while wanting to have a place in your relationship with your girlfriend.
Being submissive means that it is not you who decides, and that you can be put aside, and just be at the service of your girlfriend and her bull.
You have to understand the difference to know what you want .....

Really if you don't want to be submissive, and if you don't want that as a consequence, start to assert your opinions and your limits more, and do it now, because you are living the important moments of your cuckold dynamic ..... and sometimes when habits are taken, it is difficult to undo them ...

If you want to talk to him, do it by opening your heart to him, by telling him that these games really excite you, but that at the same time you have your limits. At the same time you must not impose your vision, but you must know how to give your opinion. You have to find the right balance, this can be done by being sincere and honest with each other.

So take the time to ask yourself the question of whether you like submission or not, and to what extent, and then make the necessary decisions.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

[OldChap]

Has she ever tried to kiss you after you watched her give him a blowjob or has she tried to have you go down on her after they had sex?

[VwatchesK92]

Maybe I have an unpopular opinion on this, and I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum here, but this seems too one sided.

Tolliver: I get that she’s not your wife, she’s your girlfriend, however I don’t see how this is fostering trust between you two. Every time you object, she smiles, pats your head, and says it’s alright. Then you two engage in some form of intimacy and off to bed.

Has she asked you how you feel? You have some clear internal struggles here, I fear that one of two things are going to happen.

Option 1:
You will become a subservient type of “man”, living your days tending to her and her lovers (eventually), all negative emotions subdued by you rationalizing this outcome as not wanting to be mean or controlling. Next thing you know you’ll be permanently caged, sucking dick, getting pegged or fucked by her bulls, maybe while wearing women’s lingerie. All because you didn’t cut through the BS and pump the brakes a bit.

Option 2:
At some point your internal struggles become too much for you to handle and you become totally overwhelmed at what has transpired in your relationship. You are an angry and resentful boyfriend/fiancé/husband to Rie and you eventually split.

I’m a Wanna be, I’m no professional here. I just don’t see the trust and respect coming from both sides here. There are hundreds of stories where the hotwife/cuckolding lifestyle goes sideways and the man or woman gets a version of it and it’s not what they want.

No disrespect here, I just don’t want this lifestyle to acquire another casualty because there wasn’t clear communication, trust, and understanding from both sides.

Good luck.

[Tolliver]

One thing I realized after reviewing my posts is that I have mostly wrote about our relationship in times of her being unfaithful. But there is a whole other side of our relationship where we spend time together and act normal. We do get a long pretty great except for occasional strife in this one area. She is very nice to me in most situations. The exception being she likes to fool around with our neighbor from time to time.

As far as therapy or counseling I wouldn't even know how to do that or what to say. Probably because how I feel changes on a regular basis depending on what's going on.

Last night instead of going to his place for sex she invited him here. We had dinner then she took him to the living room sofa and sucked him off while I cleaned the kitchen. She called him baby several times and when they were done she joked that she needed a second to finish swallowing his load. All of which messed with my head pretty bad. After he left she told me she was a little disappointed that with my positioning in the kitchen I wasn't able to see his c*ck in her mouth, and next time she wanted to change that.

Then she took me into the bedroom and blew my brains out, telling me after she wanted to thank me for letting her have a second guy on the side.

[marine20]

we who are into this sort of thing, would be extremely turned on by watching our lady fuck in front of us. i guess from what you say, you are not. i would give my left nut if my wife would act so slutty in front of me. but you are different ,it seems to pain you. if you ask me , you are not into this like we are , and you should end this relationship now. you either like her being a slut , or you don't , make up your mind.

[Bdoon69]

My friend
It appears obvious she is self centered and incapable of love. Not talking about Romeo and Juliet but the few long lasting cuckold/ hot wife relationships must have connections way beyond purient interests. Self centered people are incapable unless they change. Maturity is a must...like any marriage or commitment . Based on your narrative this seems unlikely.

[user322]

Ok thanks for the update and the details!

Maybe your wife really likes this cuckold dynamic, and that's maybe why she's really taking the lead...... maybe it's not meanness at all, maybe it's just that she likes to play

Then on your side, maybe you're excited by all this but you still have trouble assuming it?! (unlike your wife )
Maybe you're afraid of the image your wife may have of you, in this case you should talk to her to reassure yourself. If your wife is very nice to you, don't hesitate to open up the dialogue and communicate, it's the guarantee of a fulfilling relationship!

Next time, rather than running away when your wife is with her lover, try to enjoy it to the fullest without asking yourself any questions but just by concentrating on your excitement, and see what it feels like!

And always communicate with your wife, very important!

[FNQLivin]

Ok thanks for the update and the details!

Maybe your wife really likes this cuckold dynamic, and that's maybe why she's really taking the lead...... maybe it's not meanness at all, maybe it's just that she likes to play

Then on your side, maybe you're excited by all this but you still have trouble assuming it?! (unlike your wife )
Maybe you're afraid of the image your wife may have of you, in this case you should talk to her to reassure yourself. If your wife is very nice to you, don't hesitate to open up the dialogue and communicate, it's the guarantee of a fulfilling relationship!

Next time, rather than running away when your wife is with her lover, try to enjoy it to the fullest without asking yourself any questions but just by concentrating on your excitement, and see what it feels like!

And always communicate with your wife, very important!

It’s his girlfriend. Not long.

[ShyBiGuy954]

Last night instead of going to his place for sex she invited him here. We had dinner then she took him to the living room sofa and sucked him off while I cleaned the kitchen. She called him baby several times and when they were done she joked that she needed a second to finish swallowing his load. All of which messed with my head pretty bad. After he left she told me she was a little disappointed that with my positioning in the kitchen I wasn't able to see his c*ck in her mouth, and next time she wanted to change that.

Then she took me into the bedroom and blew my brains out, telling me after she wanted to thank me for letting her have a second guy on the side.

Does she, or has she tried to kiss you right after giving him a BJ?

Has she, or even you mentioned the word "cuckold" yet??

And what about him, does he tease you that that he's fucking your GF, that she prefers his bigger cock or try to Dom you in any way, etc etc?

[Tolliver]

I do like the idea of her fooling around with another guy but when it actually starts to happen in my own apartment, it's a little bit much for me to handle. My ideal situation would be, instead of her seeing our next door neighbor sexually, maybe we go out to a bar once in a while and have some drinks, and she flirts with another guy who we know whatever happens, will not be part of our lives after that one night. Now THAT I think I could get very into. The idea of Rie with another guy in that type of scenario is very very arousing.

[OldChap]

Did you think it would be hot for her to fuck another guy before she started doing it or is that a new kink you discovered after it happened?

[4incheslong]

There is a real spectrum in being a cuck. Not all are into the bi side of things are even watching. I think this is more of a stag situation.

I too loved my wife's slutty side but torn over all the other aspects that come with this. I wish I had this web site when I was twenty.

[Tolliver]

Yes I realized it was a turn on after she started going to his place and sleeping with him. Even though It's not always wonderful for me when she goes, it's always worse when he comes here and they fool around in front of me.

[hielosecoo]

I think this may be a bit to much to soon situation for you, I mean, you are just realizing it turns you on, some things of what is going on actually turns you on but worry you and maybe overwhelms you in a lot of levels (and that is pretty reasonable).

Did you think about speaking with her not necessarily about limits, but about going slower?

[4incheslong]

My take is to enjoy the ride and see where it goes. If you try to control it too much (like me) it will backfire. You enjoy it or you wouldn't be on this site.

[ucaneffher]

Yes I realized it was a turn on after she started going to his place and sleeping with him. Even though It's not always wonderful for me when she goes, it's always worse when he comes here and they fool around in front of me.

Perhaps you can tell her just that. Let her know that it's starting to turn you on but that it's too much too fast and you want to get used to it slowly to see what you're comfortable with. Perhaps you can find something to do when she's about to do something with him in front of you, maybe run out to the car or take a phone call in another room?

For some men, it's better when the woman plays solo, for some men it's better to be included and to be able to watch their lady getting it on with others, and then there's the ones who like both. While I have never witnessed a girlfriend of mine having sex with another man, I have actually seen a couple of my girlfriends sitting on other mens laps and hugging them in front of me and witnessed one of them getting touched intimately over her clothes in front of me as she let the guy feel her up. Based on those interactions, I feel that I would be capable to also watch and witness.

I'm back to being a wannabe but find your situation desirable as it is convenient to have her lover within walking distance. I would like to eventually see my girlfriend or wife develop a more serious and long term connection with a lover and this would allow her to go next door for extended stays or him coming to stay with us multiple days at a time. This would help determine if my ultimate fantasy is feasible and it would allow us to test waters to see if eventually my girlfriend can have her lover permanently move in with us so that he can take over in our bedroom. Like several other cucks on this board, I would like to see another man move into our master bedroom and become her primary while sleep in another bedroom.

My take is to enjoy the ride and see where it goes. If you try to control it too much (like me) it will backfire. You enjoy it or you wouldn't be on this site.

That is my take on it as well but then again I feel that I am wired for this, desire this, and want it as my lifestyle and not just a one weekend experiment so it's difficult to tell the OP to just go with it if he's not into it. On the other hand, he says it is now a turn on so maybe he just has to warm up to it first. His lady is the ideal girl for this lifestyle though, that's for sure. Many of us cucks here wished our girlfriends or wives were taking such initiative to get started.