First Post from a Wannabe

[Harrymonk36]

Trying this one again as would love some responses/advice.

Long post alert.

Firstly Hello to all on the Forum. I've been lurking for a few weeks and getting brave enough to put a proper post up.

I'm H, 53yr Old Male, my wife S and 47. We've been married for 20 years. We were 31 and 25 when we first met so both of us were sexually experienced, and both had a relatively high number of partners, mainly one-night stands. We both settled and have been monogamous since.

It would be about 15 years ago that we started to discuss fantasies involving other partners. It started as being another woman as S was interested in playing with a woman, something she had never done. We even tried to do it one night after a few drinks, but didn't manage to find anybody suitable. It was probably for the best looking back, as we hadn't properly discussed it, and had a lot to drink. Over the next few years the fantasy developed and fuelled our sex life. We would both talk about having a 3rd party in bed with us, and that eventually turned into that person being a man and all attention being focused on S.

When I pressed the question of whether we should do it, S wasn't comfortable as felt that it would be cheating and breaking our wedding vows. My feeling on this is that it wouldn't be if it was something we both agreed on. Her other worry is body related. We're both a few pounds over the weight we would like to be, and she feels that other men wouldn't find her attractive or like her body.

When S turned 40 she went away with the girls, and I told her that she had a free pass to do anything she wanted. She jokingly called me a pervert, and asked would I really want somebody else to sleep with her. I told her I would, and would want to hear every detail. I explained how much I wanted it to happen and how I would feel. She didn't understand what I would get out of it, but my explanation made more sense. Long story short, she ended up kissing and touching with a guy when she was pretty drunk. He felt her ass while they kissed and she felt guilty afterwards. When she got home we talked it over and ended up having the best sex we'd had in years. We decided then that we would allow kissing with other people at any time, however I reiterated that my agreement for her to go all the way at any point was permanent.

I ended up having a similar experience, kissing and touching, with a girl in a club on a weekend in Germany. Once again it ended in passionate sex with S when I got home, it seemed to really fire her up. It seems that doung naughty stuff with others turns us both on. The fantasy often comes up in bed, although S often says she wouldn't actually go through with it.

The most recent developments have been interesting. S has recently allowed me to take pictures of her naked, then leading to much more explicit ones of us having sex. We then bought a dildo and once again talked about that being another man in our bed. She really enjoyed having that inside her while she went down on me. I would talk dirty about her taking two men at once. One of her great fantasies has been to have a black man, something she has never done thus far. This opened up discussion as to whether it would be something she would go through with if we could make it happen. She once again objected bit mainly because of her body. It is still something we are discussing when in the right place.

Sorry it was a long one, but I wanted to tell you all where we are, and what brought me here. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Gearup]

you are well past the first step to sex with others. perhaps setting her up with an on line profile and chatting with others might be fun for her

[patw3268]

I think you have a really good chance. You’ve been smart to ask her how she feels about your fantasy. Let her express concerns and validate her concerns.

You might ask her to do simple dares to help improve her mindset.

-go out together without her wedding ring and panties on.
-have her squeeze your hand when she finds a guy attractive.

She needs to see you stay calm and reserved. This is about opening her mind to an unconditional lifestyle. Not sleeping with another person, yet.

[Harrymonk36]

Thank you for your reply. We accidentally once got separated in a bar and a guy hit on her while I was getting drinks, which took some time. I could see him chatting to her and left them to it for a while. She didn't stop the guy and knew I was watching. The guy cooled off when she admitted she was married, but S admitted that she was attracted to him, and would have gone home with him if she had been single. She said that she couldn't, but I explained how exciting the thought of her with him made me. Sex was fantastic when er got home.

I think it's a good suggestion to try something like your suggestion.

[Harrymonk36]

you are well past the first step to sex with others. perhaps setting her up with an on line profile and chatting with others might be fun for her

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll suggest something like this. I also suggested posting some pictures of her online to see if if improves her feelings on her body. She dismissed it out of hand at first, but has since softened on it. She's worried about remaining anonymous so it hasn't happened yet. I'll post any progress.

[Gearup]

you are well past the first step to sex with others. perhaps setting her up with an on line profile and chatting with others might be fun for her

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll suggest something like this. I also suggested posting some pictures of her online to see if if improves her feelings on her body. She dismissed it out of hand at first, but has since softened on it. She's worried about remaining anonymous so it hasn't happened yet. I'll post any progress.

try posting headless photos to start - I suggest here or reddit - if reddit please give us her screen name so we can follow and post encouraging comments. My experience - she will get a LOT of positive feedback online about her body (some nasty negative too - be prepared for it - ASSHOLES do exist but a small minority) - should give her a big ego boost. If that works slowly reveal more and more of her - even parts of her face (smile but no eyes, etc) as she becomes more bold / self confident - or get her to wear a sexy lace mask ( can be had cheap on etsy $10 or less but a real turn on). Make her feel good about herself and she might surprise you.

[Gearup]

I think you have a really good chance. You’ve been smart to ask her how she feels about your fantasy. Let her express concerns and validate her concerns.

You might ask her to do simple dares to help improve her mindset.

-go out together without her wedding ring and panties on.
-have her squeeze your hand when she finds a guy attractive.

She needs to see you stay calm and reserved. This is about opening her mind to an unconditional lifestyle. Not sleeping with another person, yet.

like this! good idea

[Harrymonk36]

you are well past the first step to sex with others. perhaps setting her up with an on line profile and chatting with others might be fun for her

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll suggest something like this. I also suggested posting some pictures of her online to see if if improves her feelings on her body. She dismissed it out of hand at first, but has since softened on it. She's worried about remaining anonymous so it hasn't happened yet. I'll post any progress.

try posting headless photos to start - I suggest here or reddit - if reddit please give us her screen name so we can follow and post encouraging comments. My experience - she will get a LOT of positive feedback online about her body (some nasty negative too - be prepared for it - ASSHOLES do exist but a small minority) - should give her a big ego boost. If that works slowly reveal more and more of her - even parts of her face (smile but no eyes, etc) as she becomes more bold / self confident - or get her to wear a sexy lace mask ( can be had cheap on etsy $10 or less but a real turn on). Make her feel good about herself and she might surprise you.

Thank you very much for the comments. I'm going to work on her when the time is right. We have a good collection of photos already, but most are very explicit so I'll suggest taking some less porn type pictures and more erotic. S has recently started to enioy dressing up again. She now has a Maid, a secretary and a sexy nurse dress that she's taken to wearing a lot recently. She loves having sex while still wearing them. It has usually been me that has bought stuff like this, but recently she has bought a number of revealing lingerie items that she likes surprising me with. The next step is to encourage her to model them for me.

I'll keep you all posted of any progress.

[BBCfan]

HM36,
Very hot sharing of your journey thus far.
Actually like that you're both taking it cautiously and sharing the journey so intimately to enhance the bond you already have.
Seems like a very healthy and hot unfolding for you both.

[Rip_isback]

Hi HM,
It sounds like you and S are making progress. I like the idea of posting photos with a mask. I know that guys appreciate a real woman who is somewhat adventurous and will provide plenty of positive feedback.
One of the first things popped into my head while reading your post is to help her with her body image. Maybe both of you could make the lifestyle choices that would allow her to lose 10 pounds. You could call it your "BBC Boot Camp". Maybe walking after dinner and on weekends. Heaven knows as we get older, the pounds just have a way of hanging on. I'm sure with her having better self esteem, you'll both be enjoying your new lifestyle.
Good luck and please keep us updated.

[safado]

Thank you for your reply. We accidentally once got separated in a bar and a guy hit on her while I was getting drinks, which took some time. I could see him chatting to her and left them to it for a while. She didn't stop the guy and knew I was watching. The guy cooled off when she admitted she was married, but S admitted that she was attracted to him, and would have gone home with him if she had been single. She said that she couldn't, but I explained how exciting the thought of her with him made me. Sex was fantastic when er got home.

I think it's a good suggestion to try something like your suggestion.

Standing away from her in singles bars and dance clubs was something that I did. She resisted it at first but played along. I would watch as men approached her, danced with her. It was hot on its own and moved her forward. You have to pick the right bars and clubs - age-appropriate and full of horny men.