Seeking guidance regarding next best step.

[Wantsomefunto]

Vwc, you are doing a good job of managing how things are going. Just keep letting her decide how far to take this and maybe ask if she would at least flirt a bit at a bar for you to see?

[vixenwolfcouple]

VWC - So far, your desire to share your lovely wife and her arguments are almost identical to my situation w/ Annie. I worship her and she can’t understand why I would want to ‘loan’ her out. Additionally, she has always said she would need an emotional connection.
The farthest we have gotten is Annie sucking the cock of a co-worker and it has been fun to talk about and fantasize ‘if’ the affair had gone further that day and beyond.

I have received good advice on this site that I stubbornly don’t always follow but based on your last post, I would let her bring it up. She might surprise you.
Good luck and enjoy the ride.

Thank you for the reply and encouragement. How did you progress from concerns about attachment etc to blowjob?

[vixenwolfcouple]

Update

We had another conversation after I shared quite explicit fantasy story about her going out on a hot date where she fucks a handsome, classy guy. Initially she was aroused but then all kind of worries and even upset emerged including being used, not having connection with the playdate being a psychopathic behavior etc.
At the end she admitted that her personal history of being unfaithful to two previous long term partners which she replaced with some else (sequence of monogamy but with period of being unfaithful to previous one without telling him). And I am the last one she chose over previous one 15 years ago. She's afraid that once she makes a connection with a new guy she would develop feelings and find negatives in our marriage which ultimately would damage it destroy it.
I explained that that's why the fantasy assumes total transparency and limits on encounters etc. also that's why in the fantasy she's with young hunks half her age who are not in position to bond with her long term etc. We left it there. Then we had amazing passionate sex.
Is it the time to leave it be and let it simmer?

[myoralannie]

To answer your question, I am not certain how we progressed from concerns to the blowjob other than talking and fantasizing in and out of the bedroom, over a long period of time about her having fun. I told Annie she was free to explore and she knew I meant it.
I think the right guy came along. He was bold enough to let Annie know how he felt, first w/ looks that most woman recognize to sending some music or cultural things via e-mail/text/quick convos that she thought were sweet and created a fondness then it just happened after hours in her office. Annie did develop an emotional bond but I have leaned on it to reinforce that the emotional bond didn’t break us and that we are still strong as a couple.

[vixenwolfcouple]

To answer your question, I am not certain how we progressed from concerns to the blowjob other than talking and fantasizing in and out of the bedroom, over a long period of time about her having fun. I told Annie she was free to explore and she knew I meant it.
I think the right guy came along. He was bold enough to let Annie know how he felt, first w/ looks that most woman recognize to sending some music or cultural things via e-mail/text/quick convos that she thought were sweet and created a fondness then it just happened after hours in her office. Annie did develop an emotional bond but I have leaned on it to reinforce that the emotional bond didn’t break us and that we are still strong as a couple.

Do they stay in touch or meet still?

[sandy691196]

Update

We had another conversation after I shared quite explicit fantasy story about her going out on a hot date where she fucks a handsome, classy guy. Initially she was aroused but then all kind of worries and even upset emerged including being used, not having connection with the playdate being a psychopathic behavior etc.
At the end she admitted that her personal history of being unfaithful to two previous long term partners which she replaced with some else (sequence of monogamy but with period of being unfaithful to previous one without telling him). And I am the last one she chose over previous one 15 years ago. She's afraid that once she makes a connection with a new guy she would develop feelings and find negatives in our marriage which ultimately would damage it destroy it.
I explained that that's why the fantasy assumes total transparency and limits on encounters etc. also that's why in the fantasy she's with young hunks half her age who are not in position to bond with her long term etc. We left it there. Then we had amazing passionate sex.
Is it the time to leave it be and let it simmer?

"She's afraid that once she makes a connection with a new guy she would develop feelings and find negatives in our marriage which ultimately would damage it destroy it."

This is a blood red flag.
She is being extremely fare to you and the relationship. She is telling you things you should listen to.
There are plenty of threads on OHW where, inspite of all the "safe" features (age, rules, structures) being built into a hotwife's adventures, things have gone south.

Some women can't separate sex from romance & love & commitment. She is one of them.

Instead of pushing further, you should start demonstrating just how possessive you are about her emotionally and how scared you are after she used that sentence highlighted above.
Make her feel insanely loved and wanted once more.

Ask her permission if its OK to create safe fantasies in future. Then perhaps something transactional like massage can be thought of?

[vixenwolfcouple]

Update

We had another conversation after I shared quite explicit fantasy story about her going out on a hot date where she fucks a handsome, classy guy. Initially she was aroused but then all kind of worries and even upset emerged including being used, not having connection with the playdate being a psychopathic behavior etc.
At the end she admitted that her personal history of being unfaithful to two previous long term partners which she replaced with some else (sequence of monogamy but with period of being unfaithful to previous one without telling him). And I am the last one she chose over previous one 15 years ago. She's afraid that once she makes a connection with a new guy she would develop feelings and find negatives in our marriage which ultimately would damage it destroy it.
I explained that that's why the fantasy assumes total transparency and limits on encounters etc. also that's why in the fantasy she's with young hunks half her age who are not in position to bond with her long term etc. We left it there. Then we had amazing passionate sex.
Is it the time to leave it be and let it simmer?

"She's afraid that once she makes a connection with a new guy she would develop feelings and find negatives in our marriage which ultimately would damage it destroy it."

This is a blood red flag.
She is being extremely fare to you and the relationship. She is telling you things you should listen to.
There are plenty of threads on OHW where, inspite of all the "safe" features (age, rules, structures) being built into a hotwife's adventures, things have gone south.

Some women can't separate sex from romance & love & commitment. She is one of them.

Instead of pushing further, you should start demonstrating just how possessive you are about her emotionally and how scared you are after she used that sentence highlighted above.
Make her feel insanely loved and wanted once more.

Ask her permission if its OK to create safe fantasies in future. Then perhaps something transactional like massage can be thought of?

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Appreciate a sober nature of it. So I suspect all this will need to be suspended with a slim chance in the future.?

[sandy691196]

Depends on what you value and prioritize in life.

She has come through broken relationships and cheating in the past. She is happy with you... she wants a stable life and marriage.

One understands that just a stable, routine life may get boring over time. One needs new blasts of eroticism for motivation.

A middle ground has to be found. That works for her too. Swinger sites? Wife swapping videos.. Male escort servicing wives as hubbies watch?

Anything which doesn't imply alternative relationships or risky intimacies? Afterall she has to be mindful of her partner's sexual motivations too. She sounds like a wise, smart and responsible partner. She knows that she can't afford to let her husband get demotivated in the couple's sex life.

She is just looking for a safe option which doesn't go against her core nature.

[myoralannie]

I don’t want to hijack your stream so I’ll make it quick. They stayed in touch for a while via text. He was always asking for her to meet him. Annie claims they only played around the one-time.

It will be interesting to hear if ur gal brings up the topic on her own over time. It is tough to resist bringing it up yourself.
Of course, still following your story.

[vixenwolfcouple]

Depends on what you value and prioritize in life.

She has come through broken relationships and cheating in the past. She is happy with you... she wants a stable life and marriage.

I find it puzzling. I have always been loyal and want to offer her this gift of exploration while remaining faithful and scratching my itch by doing so of course.. And her concern is that she will cheat if she gets attached and at the same time she describes people who can separate sex from emotions as psychopaths. And she even mentions that even fantasy of her being currently unfaithful in a consensual fashions brings stress because of memories of her infidelity..

Swinging is absolutely off the table considering her jealousy towards other women. Even if they are just in the vicinity and scantily dressed.

I mean, it sounds pretty hopeless. Other than MAYBE an escort idea which did elicit dramatic response so far. Ugh.

[vixenwolfcouple]

She proposed to develop fantasies which are not set in reality, for example with her and me in the past before we were married. Which is basically antithesis of HW idea and attractiveness as a fantasy.. I said I will try to but frankly I cannot come up with anything exciting out of this premise. After all it's all about trust, communication, rock solid relationship where the bond between the husband and wife is so strong that her consensual indiscretions are only a source of rush and not a threat.

[sandy691196]

Then the escort thing is the ONLY alternative..
First you need to make that fantasy your own by masturbating to it alone..

Once it's a powerful trigger for you, then you can bring it up in bed with her and get her to imagine and see how it goes..
It's definitely a doable thing.

Is she class conscious? Will a blue collar hunk fucking her turn her on? A married much younger guy of the working classes?
Why I ask is because that kinda thing is emotionally safe perhaps for her? Someone who she wouldn't break bread with in normal life?

[vixenwolfcouple]

Then the escort thing is the ONLY alternative..
First you need to make that fantasy your own by masturbating to it alone..

Once it's a powerful trigger for you, then you can bring it up in bed with her and get her to imagine and see how it goes..
It's definitely a doable thing.

Is she class conscious? Will a blue collar hunk fucking her turn her on? A married much younger guy of the working classes?
Why I ask is because that kinda thing is emotionally safe perhaps for her? Someone who she wouldn't break bread with in normal life?

Thanks. She never gave indication that fucking blue collar worker would be part of her dreams. She would probably prefer to seduce a corporate executive or someone in position of power of sorts, and fuck him but from the standpoint of seductress not a fucktoy.

[vixenwolfcouple]

We did have another discussion. It appears that she does not have a great idea what all this involves and was reluctant to accept the fantasy because of a perception that I have a plan for her to go out and almost booked a hotel. We clarified its in fantasy realm and she shared some of her fantasies, some of them quite dirty and taboo which I loved.
When HW was mentioned again she said that random guys will never fuck her as well as I do so she has no motivation to seek that.. but then she mentioned one of her favorite actors which could be an exception for her and allow her to do it. Almost indirectly indicating that the quality of the experience would probably be dissappointing and same time not worth it.. Interesting though.

[sandy691196]

You are a lucky husband that your wife has such a high and positive opinion about you as a man so long after marriage?
Many men would give their rights nuts to be in your situation!

You sure you wanna mess with that?

A powerful corporate executive type would become "competition" in every sense!
Of course a married executive who is a player on the side may be safe. But how does one know in reality?

These are all hypothetical.

[vixenwolfcouple]

You are a lucky husband that your wife has such a high and positive opinion about you as a man so long after marriage?
Many men would give their rights nuts to be in your situation!

You sure you wanna mess with that?

A powerful corporate executive type would become "competition" in every sense!
Of course a married executive who is a player on the side may be safe. But how does one know in reality?

These are all hypothetical.

Yes I am lucky and proud of it but also deliver on every turn in every way. Whether it is worth messing with is a good question. Considering her loyalty, attachement and skepticism isnt she a good candidate for this, even mild version of it. She will not run with it. What do you think?

She meant some junior exec in mid 20s more so than senior one. She has strong sense of her value and wont waste time on subpar experience or men who will disappoint her.

[sandy691196]

You are a lucky husband that your wife has such a high and positive opinion about you as a man so long after marriage?
Many men would give their rights nuts to be in your situation!

You sure you wanna mess with that?

A powerful corporate executive type would become "competition" in every sense!
Of course a married executive who is a player on the side may be safe. But how does one know in reality?

These are all hypothetical.

Yes I am lucky and proud of it but also deliver on every turn in every way. Whether it is worth messing with is a good question. Considering her loyalty, attachement and skepticism isnt she a good candidate for this, even mild version of it. She will not run with it. What do you think?

She meant some junior exec in mid 20s more so than senior one. She has strong sense of her value and wont waste time on subpar experience or men who will disappoint her.

That's in fact a very good idea. I didnt at first get that she was party to this idea (Jr executive in 20s).. If she runs with this.. it's definitely an exciting and relatively safer idea.

A married/attached guy in his 20s is a good bet. Is your wife in corporate life?

[sandy691196]

You are a lucky husband that your wife has such a high and positive opinion about you as a man so long after marriage?
Many men would give their rights nuts to be in your situation!

You sure you wanna mess with that?

A powerful corporate executive type would become "competition" in every sense!
Of course a married executive who is a player on the side may be safe. But how does one know in reality?

These are all hypothetical.

Yes I am lucky and proud of it but also deliver on every turn in every way. Whether it is worth messing with is a good question. Considering her loyalty, attachement and skepticism isnt she a good candidate for this, even mild version of it. She will not run with it. What do you think?

She meant some junior exec in mid 20s more so than senior one. She has strong sense of her value and wont waste time on subpar experience or men who will disappoint her.

As to your Q on whether she is a good candidate for this, given her loyalty an'll, I think it all depends on how she sees you and life with you, after tasting a new man.

That's where she needs to be kept away from "competition"! But a 25 yr old junior executive with a steady GF ain't no competition..

[vixenwolfcouple]

She's not in corporate, so does not interact with targets like that on daily basis. It would have to be arranged through social occasion etc.

[sandy691196]

What kinda social occasions?
Your work parties? Would you 2 be OK with her hooking up with someone from your work circle? That can be insanely hot of course.

[vixenwolfcouple]

What kinda social occasions?
Your work parties? Would you 2 be OK with her hooking up with someone from your work circle? That can be insanely hot of course.

Work but also social circle, we do attend lots of parties with friends and their acquaintances so maybe that would be a route. However the potential for gossip may be limiting. There are two guys we haven't been in touch with for a while that I know she was attracted to.

At this time however, my main goal is to encourage her to flirt and be more provocative in public. Then in a restaurant etc and warm her up to the idea of receiving attention without feeling of losing control and being objectified.

[sandy691196]

hmmmmm that's a good plan per se. But doesn't that go against her basic nature?

[vixenwolfcouple]

hmmmmm that's a good plan per se. But doesn't that go against her basic nature?

Her nature is such as she is very elegant and ALWAYS dressed to kill. She also takes hundreds of selfies including nude ones and I wonder if I can make this develop into interest in what other men see in her and become more flirtatious without judgement etc.

[AZguy425]

It sounds like a lot of women who are excited by the sexual fantasy of it and even consider the logistics of doing it in reality. She seems like she's into the idea of making it real on a sexual desire level but then falls back on the societal norms she has for relationships.

The key is trying to get her to give into the lust by showing her that it won't affect the relationship negatively, which is a tall order and a barrier many of us struggle to get over. If we ever do. The plus is there is an acceptance and even excitement towards the fantasy for her.

[sandy691196]

hmmmmm that's a good plan per se. But doesn't that go against her basic nature?

Her nature is such as she is very elegant and ALWAYS dressed to kill. She also takes hundreds of selfies including nude ones and I wonder if I can make this develop into interest in what other men see in her and become more flirtatious without judgement etc.

Now she does it as your partner. As a part of your mutual intimacy and fun thereof.
What you are planning is a structural change in that paradigm. Now she will be required to make random strangers a part of that exclusive bubble of intimacy. There in lies the risk.

Whereas, targeting specific objects of sexual variation, like those executives in the social gatherings we were discussing.. is a less challenging ask..