Does the anxiety ever go away?

[Angsty Cuck]

Longtermhubby, does it bother you all the time or only when she’s with him?

[LongTermHubby]

Longtermhubby, does it bother you all the time or only when she’s with him?

The anxiety rises when she has a meeting scheduled with him and peaks while they're together. Afterwards, it subsides.

[stevens4fun]

Sometimes we are not ready for the loss of control that comes with a hotwife or cuckold relationship. Early in our marriage, I had those feelings as my wife was connecting emotionally and sexually with a guy she had feelings for. Thankfully I was able to rationally discuss those feelings with her and she reminded me that it was me who urged her to have sex with him on a regular basis. She assured me our marriage was secure, and also stated she wasn't going to give him up unless she had to. "Can you deal with it," she asked. That was the pivotal question.

[wildrollercoaster]

I had to choke her

That's deadly force, dude.

It's not a tort if within consent. However, consent is a slippery legal concept, because the law doesn't eqate volition with consent. There is, for example, an arbitrary age of capacity for giving sexual consent. In the same vein, the law will not recognize consent to hysphyxia by act of another if if the air passage is interrupted such as to cause reasonably foreseeable physical harm. That might be the kind of rule the courts would adopt, maybe stricter. It would be a big grey area for the prosecutor. I could counsel - It's close enough to deadly force not to risk it.

A tort is a civil offense.

I am talking about a decision made at 2am out on the street when everyone has been slinging bullshit at each other for hours. The sergeant rolls up and says 'make the fucking arrest already, you have a DV accusation' not in the interest of justice or to protect the 'victim', but so his guys can get this over with and get back out on patrol. All based on one utterance from the wife, husband or boyfriend about the hands around the neck thing.

Then you have one very scared and unhappy hubby who is going for a ride.

Fast forward three, four, five years later, when hubby has spend tens of thousands of dollars to apply for a Relief from Disability for a Felony Conviction so he can get on with his wrecked life.

In most or all US and Canadian jurisdictions, legislation does not allow consent for physical harm. Criminal conviction can result from some rough sexual acts that the ostensible victim explicitly requested or demanded.

[54321]

The real issue here is that she is showing signs of emotional intimacy with this guy.
It's not just sport fucking. It's lovemaking which you find worrying.

The last thing a hotwife husband wants is to lose the wife he adores so it is perfectly understandable
that you feel threatened. You two need to have a conversation which recognises and acknowledges this.
Then, you need an update on how she is feeling about you, him and the relationship.

Different hotwives handle it differently. Most need some kind of emotional connection, some avoid emotions altogether
and some enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of falling madly in and out of love, knowing that they always have
the emotional security of their loving husbands throughout.

Whichever way works for her, you need to establish that your relationship is safe. It's normal to continually check in
together on this fundamental point and neither of you should feel bad about it.

All successful hotwifing and swinging couples will tell you it's ALL about communication, communication and more communication.

Please tell us how it goes.

54321

[Bluetoed]

Just an update…. He still comes over. Him and I play pool for a while. Then the three of us retire to the bedroom for the night. I did lose my shit a couple weeks ago because I felt let out. I blame it on the booze and an argument I had with my kid. We invited him over for dinner. It was really not a good night as the weekend before was not one of my wife’s best. Anyway, he came over and (he knew about this issue the weekend before) and he teased her about it. She got upset. Then my kid came downstairs from his lair and he said something that set me off. My kid went back upstairs and we all calmed down. I told my wife and her friend to head to the bedroom to get warmed up while I clean up the kitchen. Usually, she waits, maybe some heavy kissing and making out, until I get back. They went at it until he filled her pussy(I have a camera hidden in the bedroom). That wasn’t really the issue. The issue was she wasn’t looking for me, she didn’t say, hey let’s see wait for hubs, they were cuddling afterwards and getting ready for round two. I usually give her some time. However the above actions set me off. I walked into the bedroom and said some choice words to both of them and told him to leave.

This isn't typical hotwife/husband anxiety.

This is lack of trust in your wife.

And it may be justified. You might be sensing that her relationship with him is more than just sex, and maybe she knows she is crossing a boundary of yours but is letting it happen anyways.

You two may not be in a good place to be engaging in this dynamic, which can put the marriage at risk. With kids involved, I would suggest a pause and you two work on you two.

[adrion_renae]

Please tell us how it goes.

54321

My wife and I talk things out constantly. We talked through things that make me uncomfortable. She constantly reassures me that I’m her one and only but she really enjoys his company and that he’s great in bed. They still text each other daily. It’s just mundane stuff that they talk about. He came over and spent the night last Saturday. I apologized to him for my behavior when I threw him out. I’m surprised he came back. We all hung out, drank, played pool. I’d excuse myself to give them some short time alone. We took turns pleasing my wife that night. The next morning, while she was laying on her side with her hand on his chest, I slid my cock in her well fucked pussy. I came really fast then pulled her to me and fell asleep. I woke up some time later and he was fucking her again. Afterwards, we all had coffee and he left to go home. I reclaimed my wife three more times that day.

He supposed to spend the weekend this weekend… I’m a bit anxious about this.

[adrion_renae]

I would characterize the angst as a combination of excitement and anxiety. It is something I accept but never get completely used to.

I’ve been in the lifestyle for MANY years. My ex wife and I started 18 years ago(we were married for 30 years). Been too LS resorts, clubs, cruises,…. Our marriage ended four years ago. We did everything including the hotwife thing. The longest a guy stuck around was maybe a month. My current love has also experienced everything above. Again, most guys stick around for a few pump and dumps and then it’s done.

This situation is VERY new to me. Her guy friend is super respectful. As has my wife. She even put a tracking app on her phone so I can see where she is. He’s never hit her up to play alone. The only times they played solo was a car hookup (supposedly he couldn’t get it up) and when I drank too much(see kicked him out).

Yes. I have trust and separation issues.

[adrion_renae]

This past weekend was a bit of an adventure…

[readyy2009]

Would love to hear about this weekend

[BBCfan]

Very honest and illuminating picture of real life experiences.
If I'm wanting my wife to experience ecstasy reconnecting with the FWB she has told me about, I don't think I could be there from hearing your reactions.

As secure as I feel I'm sure that would be immensely tested in the moment as you described. I imagine I would be completely ignored if it was as intense for her I imagine it would be.

Don't feel it would be fair for me to spoil her enjoyment with my insecurities if she gets completely lost in pleasure of the moment.

[adrion_renae]

Ok. Friday the Mrs and him were texting. He was messing with her telling her he was meeting up with another woman for a drink. Then he stopped messaging her for a while. She was not happy about this. He messaged her and said he was gonna get a room for his date. My wife lost it. The thing is, he was texting me what he was “doing” which was at his moms cooking dinner. He told me he’d be over if I was ok with it. He also said don’t tell her…

[54321]

Ok. Friday the Mrs and him were texting. He was messing with her telling her he was meeting up with another woman for a drink. Then he stopped messaging her for a while. She was not happy about this. He messaged her and said he was gonna get a room for his date. My wife lost it. The thing is, he was texting me what he was “doing” which was at his moms cooking dinner. He told me he’d be over if I was ok with it. He also said don’t tell her…

This all sounds a bit silly and juvenile. She needs to tell him to stop fucking around and just make with the fucking.

54321

[adrion_renae]

This all sounds a bit silly and juvenile. She needs to tell him to stop fucking around and just make with the fucking.

54321

Both the Mrs and he play this game. It’s kinda funny.

[adrion_renae]

Just an update. He is still coming over a couple times a week. Sometimes the three of us go out together. Last night the three of us hung out naked in and by the pool. He and I swapped head in between fucking the Mrs. By the poolside.

[patm81288]

For me, yes! My wife never could understand how powerful the energy was, when she screwed around. When she was "out", sometimes I would clean up house, wash cars or who knows what from, nervous energy. She would hang out, just talking, or go to store, or whatever, before coming home. Then I would have an attitude, and that ruined fun for us, that time. This didn't happen every time, but to often! I noticed that it wasn't quite exciting as it was in the begining. But we've been doing it almost 20 years, so I figured a decline in energy was to be expected. Then one day energy was gone. I still get excited when she messes around, but just a small fraction of what it was. And Viagra, Cialis, blue chew, none of that helps at all! So don't wish away that anxiety, channel it!!

[coastalkid]

For me, yes! My wife never could understand how powerful the energy was, when she screwed around. When she was "out", sometimes I would clean up house, wash cars or who knows what from, nervous energy. She would hang out, just talking, or go to store, or whatever, before coming home. Then I would have an attitude, and that ruined fun for us, that time. This didn't happen every time, but to often! I noticed that it wasn't quite exciting as it was in the begining. But we've been doing it almost 20 years, so I figured a decline in energy was to be expected. Then one day energy was gone. I still get excited when she messes around, but just a small fraction of what it was. And Viagra, Cialis, blue chew, none of that helps at all! So don't wish away that anxiety, channel it!!

This is exactly the thing that I've been asking about. No one seems to address when the "new" becomes routine. No one seems to talk about whether wives are wise enough to wield the power they have. I realize that communication is the answer. If frustration and conflict are a result then that communication needs to be more thorough because it's obvious that the initial conversations didn't cover things.

I know you didn't "wish away" your anxiety. It just happened over time. Can you think of a way you could have kept your anxiety and do so in such a way that it wasn't destructive?

[Parsifal]

No, the anxiety never fades because we have no routine; it's a constant work in progress that never gets old, stale, or too predictable. My wife and I try to strike the right balance by modulation her variety, frequency, and also my level of participation. And this varies over the course of any given year. We're always fined tuning it to achieve the optimum emotional and erotic effect.

Erotic distancing is our favorite technique for adding mystery and angst. For example, a sleepover date always wracks my mind and emotions, making the her homecoming explosive for me. Or just day to day life with her having a hall pass to have an affair of her choice for 6 months without telling you about it. Or suggest she try a lover outside of your comfort zone. If her routine is monthy, propose she try weekly for a while. Let her take a lover in a different city that she visits for a weekend, or let her invite a lover into your bed while you're out of town on business. Shake it up for her and yourself if you're feeling too non-plussed about it.