Letters to my husband: Stella and Richard

[aaardvarky]

Letter 8
Dear Richard,
Again, I loved your message and response. But before I go further to reveal my secret fantasies, I want to hear more about yours. I have read your last reply three times and find that I get stuck with the words you use. Yes, so many words - and not enough meaning!

What I have gathered so far is that you too are totally excited about my forthcoming date with Alex. You have recognised that, for me, just thinking about it gives me a sexy feeling, that I find Alex attractive, I am committed to the date, and that I luxuriate in the anticipation of it. You also know that I struggle with my emotional responses to my thoughts and fantasies, sensed as guilty secrets of which I should be ashamed.

What about your excitement? In your exclusion from the time I spend with Alex, what do you find fascinating? How does that make you feel? What about your sexual response? Is it just jealousy or something more primeval? And something that I had wanted to ask earlier, has our thread made you need to masturbate?

[subtoall]

What I am most drawn to in your conception of this conversation as a series of letters, free of face to face conversation, is the sense that they are constructing an alternate universe of sorts, that this impending affair lives in. Away from these letters, I picture them enjoying the vicissitudes of domestic married life, much as they always have, as if nothing has changed, is changing, or will change, because it's as if it's all ocurring in an alternate universe. Exquisitely erotic.

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 8
Darling Stella,
You are right to reprimand me. I suppose I was retreating behind your revelations to avoid having to disclose mine as you would want me to.

Right, deep breath, yes; it was the thought of you being with Alex. That you feel sexy and want intimacy triggered something deep within me about which we have never spoken. It isn't simply that I am excluded from your date - but that it represents your sexual liberation, leaving me enslaved. Our recent discussion has really changed the sexual power balance between us. It has reasserted you as sexually dominant, released from the confines of fidelity.

I find the prospect of you being with Alex erotically exciting. I fantasise about your familiarity, intimacy, shared experience and possibly further meetings and connection. That I am not part of this frustrates me, makes me deliciously anxious and precipitates me into exquisite erotic overload with the need for immediate release.

[aaardvarky]

Letter 9
Darling, darling Richard,
Now that is a big leap. Sexual liberation; release from fidelity and enslavement? If you were behind before, you are definitely in front now. Gosh, you have quite exhausted me with images of sex, dominance and lustfulness! Don’t worry, I am teasing you, not criticising. In fact, I am rather loving your sudden spurt of energy. Before, I was rather worried that I was to lead all the way. Now I know that you are up for a race.

When you took that breath and allowed your responses to surface, how did it feel? In addition to recognising my freedom, did you sense that you had escaped your inhibitions? Tell me more about your sense of enslavement which I find fascinating. Where does that come from and how will it slot into our picture?

And do I take it from what you wrote, that you masturbated at these thoughts? When did you do that, and why didn’t you invite me to watch? I would have loved to witness it - to see you frustrated, then helpless as you ejaculated. Would you have enjoyed me watching, or would you have been too embarrassed and inhibited? Most importantly, can you tell me why the thought of me with another man caused such a visceral response? I would love to understand your psychological and emotional triggers so that I can use them on you nearer the time, for I adore the thought of leaving you in a sexual frenzy as I depart for my date, and reaping the benefit of it on my return.

[john jasson]

This is exquisite, aaardvarky, as we have come to expect from you.

In my lived experience of these matters with my wife, I can thoroughly attest that some of the greatest, unbearably affecting excitement comes with the subtle suggestion, the nervous anticipation, and the countless hours of agonising over what might transpire at each stage as she develops and descends deeper into a relationship. Over what her behaviour and her arousal is indicating could happen (or may be happening right now). Even to the extent that recklessness born of her fantasies may overwhelm her ability to control the reality. Amidst our promises that we, and particularly she as she goes out to play, will keep us and our love safe and strong, there is always the frisson, that tiny voice inside telling us we are playing with fire. And play with fire we inevitably will, for the brain is the greatest erogenous zone, and it's far too late now to kick this crazy drug. Nor would we want to, given that flying so close to the sun has sustained us as devoted soul mates throughout the exciting libidinous journey that has been our lives.

Final paragraph of letter 9 from Stella struck a special chord with us, but in our case, she didn't watch. She actually masturbated me when I thought we would be spending the evening together. She can edge me delightfully for hours, but she had the devil driving her, and she shocked me by bringing me crudely past the point of ejaculation in a couple of minutes and then took her hands away, ruining the orgasm which flew all over the place. She saw me frustrated and incredulous, but I'd told her I wanted her to run with her freedom and do exactly as she felt in the moment, even if she judged it to be hard on me. After ruining my orgasm, she coolly fixed her make up, put a coat over her lingerie and departed in a taxi to her lover and master. I didn't see her again until the next morning.


Life is not a practice for something else. Make the most of it, and take every opportunity.

[aaardvarky]

To my little band of followers - JohnG1953, John Jasson, Cobra100, Hornedhubby, Gearup, Discreteelys husband, Boobman987, Must Be Denied2, John Jasson, MichaelW and others unseen- thank you so much for your interest in the thread and comments. Your prize is in the next two posts! Do share them between you.

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 9
Darling Stella,
You ask so many questions that I know I can never keep up, let alone win this race.

Let's start with masturbation - to get it out of the way, so to speak, for I am embarrassed even writing about it. Our message thread left me emotionally and sexually overwhelmed. That is not to complain about it. Quite the opposite, what I felt was simultaneously challenging and exciting. Images of you together seemed to jump out at me, testing me, mocking and demanding my immediate attention. My orgasms were quick, copious and intense. They felt forbidden, that is why I didn’t speak of it, for it was my guilty secret until now. Would I have coped with you watching me? I think the idea at the time would have been horrifying. But now we have discussed it, I sense your presence as a watcher would have added a further erotic poignancy of denial.

You described my helplessness precisely as I experienced it, but there was another sensation too. Just before my ejaculation I felt a sense of humiliation. Put like that, it sounds aversive; but in reality it was an aphrodisiac. My disempowerment made it searingly sexy. I don’t remember feeling anything like it before. The images, my emotions and my aspirations seemed out of control as I fed on your pleasure of denial and exclusion.

Which brings me to your first question about enslavement. I have always been in control of my responses. If you remember, at one point you said that I was repressed; and I agreed. The prospect of your sexual elevation is so fascinating that it has quite changed my erotic landscape,I want your control over me, relish my denial, submerging me in a feeling of sexual helplessness. I want that feeling of being sexually exploited under the power you hold over me. Now I have said it!

As for leaving me in a sexual frenzy when you depart for your date, have no fear! If my present sensations are to be replicated then, your every wish will be fulfilled.

[aaardvarky]

Letter 10
Darling Richard,
I am yet to confirm the date with Alex and we are already in a state of meltdown. Our correspondence is wonderfully torrid and excites me so! Is there no end to our erotic possibilities? I notice that we are both feeling sexual anxiety yet loving it, heightened by the fact that our work schedules have given us no time for physical relief, ballooning our frustration.

What you described was both fascinating and exciting for me. I loved the idea of holding erotic power over you, a raw sexual control of a visceral nature in which I could demand and expect your obedience and punish any resistance! I had never seen myself as a dominatrix, and still don’t, but controlling you sexually gives a massive thrill. I must look online to get some ideas! Perhaps as my sex slave I could taunt you with descriptions of my fantasies involving Alex? How would you respond to that? Maybe I could cause you to hold back from your climax until I permitted it? Or is that going too far?

In such a short journey we seem to have come so far. It feels like having a new husband, one who has been awoken from a long sleep. I dearly want to keep this.

Which takes me to a suggestion. I plan to arrange my dinner date with Alex next Friday night, meaning that we can sleep in on Saturday and discuss the night before. Now I know Friday is some way off, but how would you feel about us sleeping apart to heighten the tension? It might elevate our anticipation of the date, adding to our fantasy the frisson of frustration, elaborating its erotic possibilities? It would also enhance your sense of denial that you mentioned in your last reply. A win-win. Frustration, denial, anticipation, longing, need, tease, fantasising, exclusion - and even a little enslavement - all in one!

Of course if you feel you cannot cope with my suggestion, or bear the thought of it, you are to tell me. Our choice must work for us both. If successful the adventure will drive us both to the highest of heights, as I mentioned in letter 3, perched on those shelves looking down into the void with fearful fascination.
What is your answer?

[boobman987]

You are really ratcheting up the sexual tension with this correspondence aardvarky. It is made more intense by not knowing the timeframe of the letters before date night!
Richard seems have really opened up to Stella about his way of dealing with the sexual tension and his release, yet Stella still seems somewhat reluctant to admit she is also suffering.
Poor Alex won’t know what’s hit him when they have dinner!!

[aaardvarky]

boobman987 - thank you for your insightful comment. You are right, we don't yet know the timeframe, but may sense from the story so far that it is close. Can I let you into a secret if you don't tell the others? My date is fairly imminent! Which is just as well as Richard is unlikely to survive much longer. Nor might I! You must know how it is as the tension builds relentlessly? First it seems distant and maybe improbable. Then as it becomes closer it is more real and preoccupying. Finally it is so close that the exit routes close, imagination takes over all of our senses which are sharpened to razor point. Finally the rush! We know from the frank exchange of this thread what is in store emotionally, don't we? But the future picture is yet to be revealed. Perhaps the situation is similar to a slow strip and reveal? Starting gradually, gaining promise and culminating in.....

[aaardvarky]

John Jasson - you are my hero! With me from the start, or very nearly, and staying to the end, interlacing my episodes with flirtatious and flattering comments from your heart. I loved reading your comment on letter 9 and the way your lovely wife managed every aspect of your needs perfectly, taking you to the edge, beyond the edge, and leaving you to slip into infinity. Clever girl: I congratulate her, tell her I am envious of her skills and give her a squeeze from me!
You are so right about the fire. Spark, flicker and flame. We know how it works but can't stop ourselves. Should we really be playing with it? We set rules, only to break them and in doing so, sometimes attain the new heights of ecstasy.

[Johng1953]

I like the letter format of this, I wasn't entirely sure I would since I'm assuming Stella and Richard are not actually apart? It works beautifully though in ramping up the sexual tension.

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 10
Darling Stella,
What you describe is erotically perfect. You have a talent in taking my emotions, twisting them into tight knots, and now you propose that I have to be denied release. How will I cope when I have images of you with Alex rushing through my mind?

I am relieved that you do not aspire to be a dominatrix, for I am not at all sure I could face the pain. But I am loving your ascendancy, knowing you can take what you want, when you want it. It is a different chemistry from our marriage experience, revitalising me physically, emotionally and sexually. I feel a changed sexual life awaits and can’t wait for our next step.


Letter 11
Darling Richard
In preparing for my date, I was thinking about our ground rules. I would like total freedom in relation to my evening. I want to make each and every decision for myself - how I prepare, what I wear, what time I leave, where Alex and I meet, how long I stay, when I return, and importantly, how we respond together when I return. I want to decide what we share and what will remain hidden. I am happy to talk about your feelings whilst we are apart and my feelings of being away. However it is important that you do not press me, just remain responsive to the detail I choose to share.

As you can tell, I really want this adventure to be about me - my experience, my feelings, my choices. There will be plenty of time to engage in deeper thoughts later. For now, I want to be at the centre of our erotic journey, unrestrained, uninhibited, disinhibited and unashamed.

Whilst I might infer an answer from your last reply, did you explicitly agree to resist masturbating? I need that assurance from you, and this is why. For you, to relish your denial and to submerge into sexual helplessness whilst sexually exploited by my absence with Alex - as I understand is your desire. And for me? It is simple. I want to control your quick, copious and intense orgasm in a special way that I shall determine on my return.

[shadowtantra]

Thank you both for sharing this lovely conversation between you two. I am enjoying the format of letters and the slow burn approach, appreciating each others vulnerabilities and honoring them but also pushing forward each time just a little! Clearly you know each other well and it comes out in your writing, I am fully erotic energy just reading this! I look forward to hearing more as it all unfolds.

[aaardvarky]

Shadowtantra, what a delightful comment. Thank you so much for it, and for reading our story. You have captured the essence of it perfectly when you speak of 'honouring vulnerabilities'. It is all a question of respect. Of course the other aspect of vulnerability is knowing how to manage it whilst exploiting it in a way that honours it? For Richard, the element of feeling exploited is part of the thrill to which he is already becoming addicted - the desire to have his control taken away by a sexually liberated wife. At this stage of the tale, we are still in the emotional foothills. There is much climbing to be done. No doubt that awaits! Thank you for your encouragement, and welcome to the band of followers.

[aaardvarky]

Johng1953 - I have not forgotten you! I am pleased that you have become a letter-convert! In life there are many advantages of speaking face to face, but it can import expectations and inhibitions. Letters take away that stress, for responses to messages can be considered rather than immediate. They also focus the mind on the cerebral aspect of eroticism, in which two people can play at will with nuance and implication, taking each other to unexpected heights. As to the question of whether we are together or apart at the time of writing, for the present, that has to be part of the mystery!

[aaardvarky]

Reply to letter 11
Darling Stella
These last few days have seemed interminable. When I have returned to my room after work I have been beset with erotic images, on each occasion becoming more visceral to the point that they have almost played out before me. My sensual and sexual feelings have been overwhelming, but as instructed, I have resisted any relief of my frustration. The rigours of this have been massive, but the effect places me exactly in the position I desired, and you required.

Tonight feels like a countdown to Friday. Is it fixed? Am I right to think that the die is cast?

[aaardvarky]

Letter 12
Darling Richard,
The die is indeed cast. All is arranged for Friday. I have decided that it would be fun to share some details with you. First I should mention that Alex leaped at my offer that we meet up. We spoke on the phone and I have to admit our conversation felt clandestine, different from the business lunches I am used to arranging. It was as if we were complicit in a naughty secret! He teasingly asked whether I had ‘sought your permission’. I told him that women like me did not need consent, but that I had told you about it. Interestingly, and even sensitively, he asked whether you had a problem with ‘the assignation’. I assured him that it was not an assignation and that you did not. We have decided to meet at 8pm at 'The Flowers' round the corner from work. I will get an Uber there. I checked online to make sure that none of the others in the office had made a booking. I mentioned I would take a taxi home, but he has insisted he would return me to my door.

How did I feel when Alex and I spoke? I have to be honest - all of the images and thoughts over the last weeks suddenly flooded into my mind. I could even sense his strong black hands as they held his phone and noted the time and place of our meeting. The pictures made me so dizzy and my heart fluttered that I had to sit. It felt like agreeing to a first date with a hot guy. Of course I didn’t want him to realise any of this, so kept the conversation efficient and business-like, trying to steady my voice. I don’t think he suspected anything.

Afterwards I had to rush to the ladies and bring myself to climax. It was the only way to get through the afternoon. Do you mind? I know that I had put an embargo on your masturbation, but I am sure you will understand my need for relief. It later occurred to me that my responses were quite bizarre for a grown woman, that I am happily married to a loving husband and that this is supposed to be a simple after-work dinner date. But then I reminded myself of how much I have enjoyed our erotic fantasies to this point, and that I didn’t want them to stop.
Like you, I am now counting down the hours.

[boobman987]

Letter 11
Darling Richard
In preparing for my date, I was thinking about our ground rules. I would like total freedom in relation to my evening. I want to make each and every decision for myself - how I prepare, what I wear,

Wow aardvarky, or is it Stella? you are really teasing your readers. I wonder what Stella’s preparations and clothing choices will be? Will it be easy access without underwear or a more formal attire? You have me on tenterhooks!

Letter 12
Darling Richard,
The die is indeed cast. All is arranged for Friday.
. . .
It felt like agreeing to a first date with a hot guy. Of course I didn’t want him to realise any of this, so kept the conversation efficient and business-like, trying to steady my voice. I don’t think he suspected anything.

Afterwards I had to rush to the ladies and bring myself to climax. It was the only way to get through the afternoon. . . .
Like you, I am now counting down the hours.

This is going from strength to strength. Stella’s need to relieve her pent up desires shows how wrapped up in this assignation she is. Can you please give us more details of the where and length of Stella's relief?

[hornedhubby]

Wonderful. Your sexy slow burn already has me roasted medium rare.

[aaardvarky]

Boobman987 - I enjoyed and appreciate your comments. What was I wearing? You are being naughtily impatient! In time (indeed in a short while), much will be revealed -whether in sufficient in detail is in question; but if sufficient in implication is entirely a different matter. Never underestimate intention. The thing is that there are common misconceptions about women dressing. First, that this is a male obsession. Wrong, we women are equally fascinated by what we wear. Sometimes we make our choices to allure, to attract attention, feel sexy, to feel feminine, to engender a response. Sometimes we don't feel all of these motivations (and on occasions any of them). But there are times when we are quite ravenous for them, knowing, desiring and intending the effect they will create. Of course I cannot speak for all women, but many women reading this will agree with the sentiment.

Right, now to the confidential bit, intended just for you boobman987, as you dared to ask the question.

I'm afraid that the moment to give detail about the process of relieving myself has passed. But rest assured that it was both slow and fast, considered yet instinctive, rushed but relished, desired and required. Delivery of a climax was significantly less of interest to me than effect. For method, you will have to use your imagination (as did I); but I will tell you a little more about the feeling. Beforehand I felt terribly, unstoppably anxious. It wasn't a case of choosing to masturbate, more compulsion to do it. I just needed to relieve the tension, badly, not necessarily to climax. It felt as if it didn't have a starting point, but definitely had a finish. For a moment I felt totally gripped by my orgasm. It was as if I had been paralysed, but pleasurably so. There was a build to it, but it came suddenly and unstoppably (not that I tried to stop it). I felt physically consumed in a different way from intercourse where emotional responses build and sometimes take over. In a strange way this singular physicality added to its intensity. Does that make sense? It was such a rush. Afterwards I felt guilty - in particular given my injunction to Richard. I had pleasured myself in a way that I had denied him. Yet in a strange way his exclusion from it added to its eroticism. It was a bit like winning in a race, not thinking about other runners who lost. Now I know that may make me seem heartless and selfish, but you asked and I wanted to be honest. I also felt a pang of guilt in relation to Alex. After all, apart from flirting, he had not sanctioned my fantasies and it felt a little exploitative of him. There again, I am sure, had he known, he would have loved it!

[aaardvarky]

hornedhubby - nice to have you back! I have missed your comments. Roasted medium rare? It is just the perfect steak, tender but with finish and finesse. Because you and your comment are so nice, you may share my reply to boobman987 above. Yet you make an additional, important point about the roast. So often here on OHW the posts (mainly by men) are overdone rather than medium rare. Sex is a whole heap of fun when combined with feelings of excitement, anticipation, longing, frustration, connection, intimacy and relief - or is that just women's perspective? The nuts and bolts of who puts what where are, for me, less enticing. That isn't to say that I am being critical of those who describe in fine detail each and every action and penetration, but those dialogues leave me with a feeling of 'so what?' It seems you may agree, so I will tell you a little more.

I suspect that you have already picked this up from our messages, but the thought of Richard's deprivation has been a big stimulant and impetus for me. It may be that I have not previously had sufficient sexual confidence to take a proactive and ascendant position in our relationship? Feeling in control and in charge has given me a significant erotic boost. I imagine that many men could not have coped with this as well as did Richard, a man with the sexual confident to cope, and willing to experiment.

[aaardvarky]

Stella has asked me to write something for her readers. There is a challenge! First I had to read her thread which I knew she was writing but in all honesty, I hadn't followed until now. I have to say that she has done a good job. Importantly, she has captured my feelings as they were, I suppose hardly surprising as she had kept my messages as well as hers. But I think she was worried that some readers, following the thread, may judge her as uncaringly exploitative. It is really important for me to say that this is certainly not the case.

She particularly asked me to write something about denial. Had I ever thought about this in a sexual way? I suspect I must have at some stage, for when unearthed, it became totally and irrationally compulsive. It felt as if it was something I had always needed but never properly experienced. It probably goes back to my youth and unrequited attraction - having unreciprocated hots for a girlfriend, then seeing her walking out with another boy. Whatever its origin, it was certainly latent, and amazingly uncovered by Stella. So I can assure you that, up to this point, whilst erotically exploited, no men were harmed in the writing of this story!

[aaardvarky]

There, I have posted Richard's message for him - uncensored, even though it makes me sound rather anxious, which I hasten to add I am not!
As you have probably gathered, I have loved the messages and comments from you all - JohnG1953, John Jasson, Cobra100, Hornedhubby, Gearup, Discreteelys husband, Boobman987, Must Be Denied2, MichaelW, Shadowtantra. Have I missed anybody? There are episodes to come shortly, for you will no doubt want to know what transpired. But in the meantime, do write just here on the thread - whether you are part of the original gang, or a new follower. If you comment with feeling I will of course reply.

[boobman987]

Thank you aardvarky for your full and honest answers to my earlier questions. However, your reply has prompted some follow up questions and comments:

Boobman987 - I enjoyed and appreciate your comments. What was I wearing? You are being naughtily impatient! In time (indeed in a short while), much will be revealed -whether in sufficient in detail is in question; but if sufficient in implication is entirely a different matter. Never underestimate intention.

I am smouldering with anticipation of the dinner date, but I was wondering if you were in your work attire and what that would generally look like.

boobman987, as you dared to ask the question.

I'm afraid that the moment to give detail about the process of relieving myself has passed. But rest assured that it was both slow and fast, considered yet instinctive, rushed but relished, desired and required. Delivery of a climax was significantly less of interest to me than effect.

Where did you your climax happen and were you aware of anyone else being about?

Afterwards I felt guilty - in particular given my injunction to Richard. I had pleasured myself in a way that I had denied him. Yet in a strange way his exclusion from it added to its eroticism.

No need to feel guilty aardvarky, you were there for pleasure, Richard had given his tacit approval beforehand.

I also felt a pang of guilt in relation to Alex. After all, apart from flirting, he had not sanctioned my fantasies and it felt a little exploitative of him. There again, I am sure, had he known, he would have loved it!

Are you going to tell him of this mini-adventure when you have your dinner date?