Fantasy an off topic, what now?

[Someone2love]

Hi,
My wife and I are mid 50's, married 20+ years, kids grown and left home. Sorry for long post.

I have been fantasising about sharing my wife for a while. I've never told her this, and currently I don't think doing so would be a good idea. We've had a great but relatively regular/'vanilla' sex life. Once our kids left home, and in our late forties, my wife's enthusiasm for sex was growing, and we had great energetic and vocal sex - the trajectory was upwards.

Then I had some health issues, began needing assistance from the blue pills, and side effect of my condition/treatment sometimes taking longer to orgasm. For a while this dented my wife's confidence as she thought she didn't arouse me any longer (far from the truth). We worked through that and she knows I desire her. Now we're mid fifties, she is going through menopause and her libido has decreased. I am understanding and supportive, but do get pent up sexual energy if you know what I mean. She is on HRT, so hopefully things will eventually level out.

When my wife was away for the weekend with girlfriends a while back I somehow found myself writing her a message acknowledging were both older, bodies changing... told her I was wanting to really satisfy her, her pleasure is the most important thing... and that I even fantasized that maybe we should have a threesome with another guy...

I didn't know what response I'd get, but it was positive - wow what a message... look forward to (post menopause) when 'active duty will resume'... Didn't comment on threesome with another guy, but I took the response as a positive baby step.

She later commented on how she found a young black actor attractive whilst we were watching TV, so that added interracial fuel to my fantasising.

I was gently working towards talking about fantasies, but then a bit later somehow fantasies came up in a fairly general sense, and she said something like "that's just weird" (giving me the sense fantasies are weird/not her thing). So kind of seems one tiny step forward, two steps backwards...

Having another man pleasure her whilst I watch, or participate, is still highly exciting, but I think is someway off if at all.

So here I am, a true wannabe.

[Pufferfish]

It sounds like you and your wife have a good strong relationship and good communication. But like many of us who start on this path, there is an issue with communication... Not really an issue, the issue is you tell her the truth and she believes she knows better and/or doesn't really believe you. When you tell her she's gorgeous, sexy, whatever, it goes in one ear and right out the other. You're her husband, you're supposed to say that, so she appreciates the comment but doesn't really believe you. It doesn't have the same weight as someone else giving her the same compliment.

Likewise, when you tell her your fantasy, she probably thinks you're not truly serious or that she knows you better and chooses not to fully believe you besides some sexy fantasy idea that couldn't possibly happen. The more she finds out what exactly you fantasize about, scenarios of how it might happen, why you like the idea, why you truly want to see it happen, the more she'll start to view it as sincere and start to believe it might be possible. When she actually believes it might be possible, you'll start having similar but very different conversations about it. So, don't be pushy, but be descriptive. Give her some actual stuff to consider and think about. And if you can get her venturing into the online world, flirting, sharing pics, etc she'll start to get more compliments from other guys which will only help fuel the fire.

[Someone2love]

Thanks, be descriptive sounds good idea.

[Someone2love]

Small update. We have been communicating better about sex in general. We've reading the same book to help us talk more personally about topics we've not previously broached. Early days, but feeling positive.

I encouraged her to buy some nice lingerie for V day. She wasn't keen on more risque stuff - doesn't think she would look good - however for a woman her age she has a great body. Beautiful full breasts, nice ass, soft curvy bits but not overweight. She could totally pull off a lot of sexy lingerie. Part of it is she has previously said she finds things like stockings sleazy. She didn't say that recently, so maybe a slight change in attitude (we've watched some talks and read about societal biases and pressures on womens sexuality. I think maybe she is becoming more comfortable with women being allowed to like sex, to say what they want... ). We did by a sexy, but respectful, nightie. Fingers crossed.

Most exciting development. I have ED, and from a medical condition have delayed orgasm. Very often my wife gives me a handjob to get me to finish (on her). Today I came inside her (first time in many months) and after I decided, fuck it, I'm going to eat her pussy and see what happens. She came hard, it was pretty hot 'cleaning her' for the first time. Have never done anything like that before. Tasting my own cum in her, kissing her with it on my lips - fucking sexy. Not sure if my wife 100% appreciated what happened - I said it was great to manage to cum in her, and asked what she thought about me eating her afterwards. Can't remember her exact words, they were low key, but good. Something like, it was good, why would it not be.

I'm taking this as a tiny step forward.