Affair Games

[Parsifal]

Love the forensic examination of evidence. You two have so much fun.
Do her lovers know they are bit players in your game and have a short lifespan?

I can only answer telling of what she's revealed of past games. It varies. Some she lets think she's having an affair with, with others she says she's in a dont-ask, don't-tell type of open marriage. Not sure, though, if she's ever up front about the projected lifespan of her connections. Just as with the expiration all good things in life, too much awareness of its finitude is a downer.

[Mumfred]

Love the forensic examination of evidence. You two have so much fun.

I love this scenario too.

[ursamajor69]

My wife loves male attention, and being a natural flirt often gets it. Better yet, every time a random guy or work colleague hits on her she literally can't wait to tell me. I tell her how proud I am, how hot it is and tease/encourage her. She has gone on many dates with single or divorced guys, but never gone all the way to sex. I have no doubt that if she ever did sleep with another guy, she would tell me straight away, so from my end, no "affair games".

On the flip side, she has made it entirely clear that if she ever did have sex with another guy, she would never tell him that it was with my permission or as part of a hotwife thing. In her mind, it is "too awkward" to have that conversation, so she would frame all of this as an affair to the other guy. I guess from an external optics perspective, playing the role of a cheating wife is the easier option for her. Thus she would be playing the "affair game" for her play buddy.

[Mumfred]

On the flip side, she has made it entirely clear that if she ever did have sex with another guy, she would never tell him that it was with my permission or as part of a hotwife thing. In her mind, it is "too awkward" to have that conversation, so she would frame all of this as an affair to the other guy. I guess from an external optics perspective, playing the role of a cheating wife is the easier option for her. Thus she would be playing the "affair game" for her play buddy.

It's crazy how comfortable guys are being with a cheating wife but get uncomfortable when the husband knows.

[Parsifal]

On the flip side, she has made it entirely clear that if she ever did have sex with another guy, she would never tell him that it was with my permission or as part of a hotwife thing. In her mind, it is "too awkward" to have that conversation, so she would frame all of this as an affair to the other guy. I guess from an external optics perspective, playing the role of a cheating wife is the easier option for her. Thus she would be playing the "affair game" for her play buddy.

It's crazy how comfortable guys are being with a cheating wife but get uncomfortable when the husband knows.

So to with my own wife's experience. Why is that?

1. Guys having affairs on their wives prefer a woman with skin in the game too (no pun intended). If the woman is having an affair herself, she's less likely to upset the apple cart.

2. Guys get an ego boost from knowing that women are so hot for them that the women will risk their marriages just to spread their legs for those guys.

3. Hotwifing is still a fringe fetish. Ironically, for lots of people, affairs are a more socially acceptable form of deviant behavior than consensual non-monogamy. This is because cheating merely breaches the accepted norms of traditional marriage, while accepting those norms as governing, whereas hotwifing and other forms of consensual non-exclusity subverts those norms and replaces them with guilt free nonexclusivity.

[Mumfred]

It's crazy how comfortable guys are being with a cheating wife but get uncomfortable when the husband knows.

So to with my own wife's experience. Why is that?

1. Guys having affairs on their wives prefer a woman with skin in the game too (no pun intended). If the woman is having an affair herself, she's less likely to upset the apple cart.

2. Guys get an ego boost from knowing that women are so hot for them that the women will risk their marriages just to spread their legs for those guys.

3. Hotwifing is still a fringe fetish. Ironically, for lots of people, affairs are a more socially acceptable form of deviant behavior than consensual non-monogamy. This is because cheating merely breaches the accepted norms of traditional marriage, while accepting those norms as governing, whereas hotwifing and other forms of consensual non-exclusity subverts those norms and replaces them with guilt free nonexclusivity.

I agree that all your reasons contribute to why guys are more interested in affairs than being with a hotwife. I just think it's perverse. Affairs are so much more damaging than hotwifing.

[Parsifal]

Affairs are more damaging. The people that have affairs get hooked on the thrill of taking risks. Risk taking with a marriage is just another form of big stakes gambling. Some people sexualize big stakes gambling by having affairs. Many a fortune is lost on the throw of the dice, or a horse race.

[Acousticpat]

Buying those books!!! Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs

[ursamajor69]

I agree that all your reasons contribute to why guys are more interested in affairs than being with a hotwife. I just think it's perverse. Affairs are so much more damaging than hotwifing.

Affairs are more damaging. The people that have affairs get hooked on the thrill of taking risks. Risk taking with a marriage is just another form of big stakes gambling. Some people sexualize big stakes gambling by having affairs. Many a fortune is lost on the throw of the dice, or a horse race.

I think almost everyone on this forum would agree with both of you that cheating is more harmful than hotwifing.

However, never underestimate people's ability to engage in maladaptive or self-destructive behavior.

Secondly, hotwifing is still a minority pursuit, as you say Parsifal. Having said that, perhaps it is not as rare as all that. No really good data exists, but the sheer amount of cuckold, hotwife, gangbang, bridal dress, wife-paying-off-debt porn etc would seem to indicate that the kink is probably more common than men care to admit openly. Much easier for say your wife had an affair without you knowing than admitting she did it all with your permission...indeed, for your pleasure! Because this fetish is still taboo, it is not spoken about openly, and so "hotwifing" is changed to "cheating" for public consumption.

[Greg_N_Shelley]

Affairs are more damaging. The people that have affairs get hooked on the thrill of taking risks. Risk taking with a marriage is just another form of big stakes gambling. Some people sexualize big stakes gambling by having affairs. Many a fortune is lost on the throw of the dice, or a horse race.

I agree with this 100%.

Long before I met Shelley, I had several relationships (affairs) with women who were engaged and married. I was largely unconscious of it at the time, but the excitement of clandestinity and danger was a major accelerant.

In four out of six of those affairs, the marriage/engagement ended while I was still seeing the woman. Two ended rather amiably and without fanfare (both partners had drifted apart well before she met me). The other two ended quite messy to say the least.

Putting it in Parsifal’s terms, I was a bit of a gambling addict and a number off people paid a price (myself included).

What I find most curious when I reflect on those days, is I wasn’t the instigator in most of those relationships. It was usually the woman who made the first overture. But considering how frequently it happened, there must have been something I was projecting (unconsciously/subconsciously) that invited those situations.

As for consensual affair games in our marriage, I suppose the closest we had would be my encouragement of Shelley to set up a private night with her favorite FWB while I was traveling. I loved whenever she would take initiative with her dates, and the idea of returning home to the sight of Shelley with a naughty smile and story to tell was a favorite fantasy for many years.

[Parsifal]

The thrill-seeking aspect of affairs gets libidinized and wrapped up with the ionization of the nervous system. See, e.g., https://link.springer.com/article/10.10 ... 23-02573-y. The goal is to set the table for the optimum discharge of energy. Skydiving taps into a similar dynamic as affair games - to simulate the danger of jumping from fatally high perches without the attendant consequence or significant risk (Russian roulette).

[InigoMontoya]

Cute idea! Whenever she is out of your sight, you must be wondering, "Is she or isn't she? What is she up to right now?
Is she fellating a lover this very minute? Is someone fucking her?"

DING!

Or at least, that's the version I got. I used to be the "other" guy for a HW couple. He knew about me, but he didn't know the details until well after the fact. Maybe she was going to the store...or maybe she was gonna meet me for a quicky. He might get some pics when she got home, or maybe not for a week. The goal for them was to keep him on edge, always wondering, always horny.

I think the "best" one she did was meet me in their garage for a quicky while he was watching a football game. He could have walked in at any time, but was wrapped up in the game. She let me in the garage door. We fucked. She let me back out. I'm told that he got a creampie for halftime, but I was long gone.

edit: Oh, and while I was obviously aware of the game, I'm told that not every boy toy of hers was told of the reality. If they suspected that the guy might be indiscrete they didn't tell him. They figured he'd be less likely to talk if he was worried about a pissed off husband.

[nevertoolate]

What we now refer to here as Hotwifing was very much encapsulated in mystery and illicit romance themes by my wife years ago. Much as a fan of the texts celebrating the naughty and wanton woman. Lots of "rogering" there. Emmanuelle was a popular series from a French author that even scandalized the French. The theme of the "bored" wife is as old as time. Regardless of economic or social class, familiarity breeds wandering eyes. The fortitude required of a man to embrace this in his beloved is not just from the power of titillation. Probably a mixture of confidence and love.

"Sneaking off" to conquering another lover and returning home with the spoils was great sport.

[MistressVixenMrStag]

Are affair games uncommon among hotwifing couples? I'll define an affair game as a situation in which the husband consents to the wife simulating adultery. My wife has become quite fond of that style of play. We've explored a few variations of play on the same dynamic.

Sounds very hot, we have occasionally done something similar, we usually play together, but wife has an open pass as long as she lets me know eventually.

I travel long distance with work occasionally, a couple of years ago a was away for a week.

Unbeknownst to me, wife had arranged for the kids to stay with their Nana (she lives down south and loves to host them in the holidays).

I found out the last night I was away, she asked for a cage check (thank god for airlocks) and when she knew I was still locked up, she admitted that one of our long term bulls had been staying over in our bed the whole time I was away.

She then sent me a compilation video of the multiple times he had cum in her while he had been staying (6 days worth & one night to go) luckily all I had to do was get home the next day as all I could think of was getting home to reclaim my naughty wife.

MS

[Parsifal]

Are affair games uncommon among hotwifing couples? I'll define an affair game as a situation in which the husband consents to the wife simulating adultery. My wife has become quite fond of that style of play. We've explored a few variations of play on the same dynamic.

Sounds very hot, we have occasionally done something similar, we usually play together, but wife has an open pass as long as she lets me know eventually.

I travel long distance with work occasionally, a couple of years ago a was away for a week.

Unbeknownst to me, wife had arranged for the kids to stay with their Nana (she lives down south and loves to host them in the holidays).

I found out the last night I was away, she asked for a cage check (thank god for airlocks) and when she knew I was still locked up, she admitted that one of our long term bulls had been staying over in our bed the whole time I was away.

She then sent me a compilation video of the multiple times he had cum in her while he had been staying (6 days worth & one night to go) luckily all I had to do was get home the next day as all I could think of was getting home to reclaim my naughty wife.

MS

Your affair game is an inverse variation of the hall pass game. In the more commonly discussed variation, H gives W a "hall pass" when she travels without him such as for work or for an occasional girlfriend trip. Your inverse hall pass operates when you travel and she's home alone, bored and horny. The inverse hall pass is thus operative in the hallways of your home, leaving open to other possible lovers all of the intimate spaces of the house she shares with you. I once had an experience like that and I was the other man.

[SammySigns]

I find the idea of her cheating super hot and love wondering if something is happening, though she is too honest to be super mysterious.

[cuckhus715]

We do that all the time. Most times in bed we talk about my friends and others Fucking her and doing to her and what is being done. Using their names when talking to me.

[Chuck_pgh]

How do you "punish" her if she gets caught?

--> there will be a penalty if I happen to catch her

[MrPepeLePew]

She has lied to some bulls and said she was cheating and sometimes we've posted ads online admitting she's cheating and wants a regular fuck buddy. The likelihood of guys showing and coming back for play time is higher since the assumption is that she has just as much as he does to lose if someone starts to blab. But she likes me to watch too much and doesn't like the pretend situation. Plus the guys who go for this arrangement are typically selfish and aren't that great in bed.

[john jasson]

On the flip side, she has made it entirely clear that if she ever did have sex with another guy, she would never tell him that it was with my permission or as part of a hotwife thing. In her mind, it is "too awkward" to have that conversation, so she would frame all of this as an affair to the other guy. I guess from an external optics perspective, playing the role of a cheating wife is the easier option for her. Thus she would be playing the "affair game" for her play buddy.

Don't see that as any kind of a flip side. In our book it's the hottest way to do it. He thinks she's risking all to be with him. Just makes her seem hotter. Always this way for us.

[Parsifal]

How do you "punish" her if she gets caught?

--> there will be a penalty if I happen to catch her

I've never caught her. But she knows if I do a likely punishment will be me having "revenge" sex with another woman. That's not something she would like but would grudgingly accept as only fair. Screwing someone else isn't something I'm really pressing for either - we're not swingers. But I think it's good for the stakes to be high and the downside of getting caught real, so the simulation feels close to the real thing.

[luvhotc]

I find this idea so hot. When we first did this she was hot for an old crush and began seeing him. The fact that she hid details from me and I was obsessed with finding out made our sex unbelievably hot and fierce. It was a real fuel. One time she ended up fucking a guy I had wanted her to do, but waited a long time to tell me. It was amazing. I love the idea of catching her.

[ferrisandrews]

Let me begin by crediting my source of inspiration, two books by Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, which can be purchased as a set from Amazon. Those books are the best guide I've read for understanding how the overfamiliarity that develops in many long term intimate relationships can smother the sense of mystery that we seek to recapture through affairs or open marital arrangements...

If you're interested, I just finished a new book called "The Real Hotwife and Cuckold Handbook" which is specifically focused on starting and managing a hotwife / cuckold relationship. The ideas of novelty and a woman's dual sex drive (wanting both the familiar and non-familiar) is a recurring topic. It's only in print form now but ebooks and audio books to follow.

Cheers!

[Chuck_pgh]

Like many hotwives, she is very against me being with another woman.

My "punishment" for being a "bad" girl would be roleplaying the jealous husband even though I am not jealous at all.

Rough sex, etc. She likes the idea of being caught and me reclaiming her roughly. We often roleplay this scenario where she comes home messy with no panties under her dress.

I am not as jealous as she would like sometimes.

[Parsifal]

Let me begin by crediting my source of inspiration, two books by Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, which can be purchased as a set from Amazon. Those books are the best guide I've read for understanding how the overfamiliarity that develops in many long term intimate relationships can smother the sense of mystery that we seek to recapture through affairs or open marital arrangements...

If you're interested, I just finished a new book called "The Real Hotwife and Cuckold Handbook" which is specifically focused on starting and managing a hotwife / cuckold relationship. The ideas of novelty and a woman's dual sex drive (wanting both the familiar and non-familiar) is a recurring topic. It's only in print form now but ebooks and audio books to follow.

Cheers!

Yes, thanks!   I will check it out!

 That paradoxical dual need of which speak is just as male as female. The drive for security leads to overfamiliarity which in some cases breeds even comtempt, but at a minimum kills spontaneity and erotic mystery. The recent hotwifing phenomenon notwithstanding, the traditional paradigm –  men stray, women pray – remains the norm, albeit on shakier footing perhaps. The extent to which that traditional norm gets supplanted by a hotwifing women-play, men-say-okay norm, remains to be seen.

Speaking personally, I’m as attracted to other women as my wife is to other men. I have a dual sex drive yet I don’t act on it. My wife would hate that. And as a hotwife she’s not alone in having that double standard.

If you look at stats showing internet hits on hotwife (cuckold) porn vs. hothusband (cuckquean) porn, you’ll see that women who consume porn are significantly less interested in fantasies about their husband’s sexual prowess with other women than their husbands fantasize about them with legs open for other men.  What’s going on?

From time immemorial, women have had certain biological advantages that translates into power over men. Generally, men are the pursuers of sex, women, the pursued.  This is why prostitution is said to be the world’s oldest profession. Men will sacrifice (or in some cases, pay) for it; women generally don’t need to as long as a few petals can be seen hanging on the rose

What’s seemingly different, however, if we look at current statistically demonstrable preferences, is that men, who as a group are over a barrel in the world of supply and demand with keeping their wives’ dual sex desires fully placated, have a greater capacity to internalize their wives’ fulfillment through extra-marital sex. This is so beneficial to marriage because couples who can do it in a trusting, loving way can keep the marriage so much happier and above-board (authentic) than those where sexual desires are repressed and outwardly play-acted. (Please dont read into this any assertion that all men are one way and women another - I'm painting with a broad brush. There are lots of men who are jealous to the point of murdering another man over sex with his wife or alienating her affections in the slightest).

 In the patriarchal days of yore, when it was the men who strayed and the wives out of economic necessity pretending not to notice or even care, the wives subjected to that kind of marriage deeply resented it as betrayal – betrayal they oft rationalized as “that’s the way men are,” a stereotype with a grain of truth, while in self-righteous denial about women being that way too. Nonetheless, husbands who play remains a behavior comparatively few women have much capacity to embrace and internalize vicariously as a source of sexual energy, as do their stag or cuckold husbands.

 In a nutshell, it appears to me, as least based on current sentiments and practices, that women as a group are less able than men to experience the ego transference we feel as sexual compersion than men. I’m not wedded to that hypothesis; and I’m open to the current phenomena being a function of social conditioning. It remains open in my mind whether women are locked into it biologically. But that said, I have tried to test it out with a variety of strategems to open my wife to greater receptivity to compersion, but it always falls flat.   Odds are hothusbanding will always be a niche fetish.