Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[anondesires]

“Cancelled on us” ? Does that mean you would be there? Does she want you to watch?

I think so. We've not exactly made detailed plans but he was going to come to our house and both of us would've been here. She's implied that I will see things that he does that she likes and they've had sex in front of her ex or with him involved before so I don't think either of them care if I'm there or not.

Is it better to watch or not? I feel like I've not given this enough consideration but I'm not worrying because nothing's planned currently.

[Intosex]

I am the sort that I like to participate in the action at the appropriate times. Have you considered this? Having her kiss both us and play with both of us is so exhilarating.

[phelly]

That's an interesting development, I hope it works out for the best of you. It definitely evolves into a hot story. Thanks for sharing.

[joel68]

Yeah, I am wondering what happened with the latest development.

[avid fan]

Wow, thanks for the update Anon. Very interesting situation and it's hot that she's working things in this direction (whether she actually knows what that situation is for you, or not).

Curious how you ended up getting to the technical arrangements on this... has the discussion got to how you would feel as it's happening or is it more about her scratching that itch?! Either way, look forward to reading how it pans out... good luck.

[JackCUK]

I meant to post earlier but didn't have time and now things have obviously moved on, but maybe my thoughts are still relevant. There are two parts to it which are kind of separate, the first is what you say to your GF and the second is how you feel about/deal with your fantasies.

First, in terms of your fantasies, what you said made me think about the 'cuck shame spiral', which I think has been discussed by Dr. David Ley - I think I heard him talk about it on the Venus Cuckoldress podcast. Basically the more you try to repress your desires the stronger they will come back to haunt you. So trying to push them down is only going to make them come back stronger when you are having sex and worsen any issues there. And with ED in general, contrary to popular 'wisdom', the best thing is NOT to try to distract yourself but really to lean in to the truth of what you are feeling and experiencing. So I'd advise to have a listen to Dr. Ley and confront your desires directly - sounds like you may be having to do that anyway very soon! But with honesty and directness is the best way.

Second and more important - you just need to be as open and honest as you can with your GF. Not because you definitely want her to cuckold you, but because that's what you should do in a relationship - and if it turns out that is what you want, you may get it, in a way that's actually not going to destroy that relationship. She sounds great and it seems like you want to stay with her. In which case, you absolutely need to get in to the habit of being as honest as possible, for every reason. If you tell her the truth about your feelings and she loses respect for you and/or leaves, she wasn't the woman for you - you'll find someone better. But more likely - and if she's the right woman - you will find that your intimacy deepens in every way. And you don't have to know exactly what you feel to be honest btw - if what you really feel is 'this turns me on, but I also hate it/am conflicted about it', tell her that - then you can navigate it together.

This is especially important now she has been so courageous and opened up to you about her own struggles with her desires. You owe it to her to return the favour, and she's set a great example. Do you respect her less for telling you the truth? I'd guess not. And if you are really going to go through with watching her have sex with another guy, I'd guess the only way you will get through it is if you're able to be honest with her about your feelings before and after. It's most likely to blow up on you if you go into it feeling conflicted and then try to put a lid on those feelings around her.

Anyway good luck with everything - I hope it turns out well for you.

[anondesires]

I am the sort that I like to participate in the action at the appropriate times. Have you considered this? Having her kiss both us and play with both of us is so exhilarating.

I'm open to it but I imagine I'll be taking a back seat unless she chooses to include me.

[anondesires]

Wow, thanks for the update Anon. Very interesting situation and it's hot that she's working things in this direction (whether she actually knows what that situation is for you, or not).

Curious how you ended up getting to the technical arrangements on this... has the discussion got to how you would feel as it's happening or is it more about her scratching that itch?! Either way, look forward to reading how it pans out... good luck.

No, our discussions haven't been about me, they've been about her. Maybe I'm being a coward by letting her go through this as if I'm not turned on by the idea but I think it would be too much to handle if we both shared how we feel at the same time. It's interesting how similarly she feels about her urges as I do with mine. When she's horny, she really wants it and will tell me about it. When she's not horny, she regrets telling me, she feels bad about it and questions whether she really wants it to happen.

It's also actually really helpful for me coming to terms with it. It's nice how she tries to seduce me with the idea, tries to comfort me about it. It feels like that's what I needed. I don't feel like I've been lying to her about it, I'm only into it when I'm horny, this wasn't something I wanted to actually happen, still isn't, I'm just taking each step as it comes.

[elina]

No, our discussions haven't been about me, they've been about her. Maybe I'm being a coward by letting her go through this as if I'm not turned on by the idea but I think it would be too much to handle if we both shared how we feel at the same time. It's interesting how similarly she feels about her urges as I do with mine. When she's horny, she really wants it and will tell me about it. When she's not horny, she regrets telling me, she feels bad about it and questions whether she really wants it to happen.

It's also actually really helpful for me coming to terms with it. It's nice how she tries to seduce me with the idea, tries to comfort me about it. It feels like that's what I needed. I don't feel like I've been lying to her about it, I'm only into it when I'm horny, this wasn't something I wanted to actually happen, still isn't, I'm just taking each step as it comes.

Dear anon;

No, I do not think that you are a coward because you are not putting your true feelings out at this time.
What I would advice you to do though is to keep telling your Girlfriend how much in love with Her you are, and how you appreciate that She is honest with you. In particular when She is not horny, and regrets telling you about it; Kiss Her and tell Her that you do not think She should regret telling you, you love Her and truly appreciate Her being honest and want to learn to love Her just the way She is. Tell Her to always be open with and tell you what She has been doing.

Also, the fact that your Girlfriend gets so worked up about this when She is feeling in a sexy mood and at the same time feels sorry about letting you know when She is not to me is an indication that what She told you before; that She truly wants a relationship with someone She can nonnect to and that sex is not the decisive factors when She selects Her boyfriend is true. It seems to me that you and your Girlfriend have formed the basis for a long-term loving relationship.

Finally, consider the timing here, but at a certain point in time I think that you should suggest that She goes through with establishing a sexual relationship with a Bull She desires as a sex-partner but that at the same time you are scared about loosing Her and that She will also help you feel loved and wanted by Her even when She is in this relationship.

I am guessing that She will truly appreciate this and that this may prove to Her that you are exactly the guy She wants as Her longterm partner.

Sincere regards
elina

[anondesires]

The cuck shame spiral you described sounds accurate. I don't have ED, I've just felt more sensitive and cum quicker since having these fantasies.

I think I will eventually confess to her how I really feel, I think she will understand why I haven't, after all she has been supressing her fantasies for a long time too. She's reached the point where she's comfortable with how she feels, I'm not there yet. I'm liking the process of her opening up to me and being able to respect what she's going through, it definitely feels like we're getting stronger through that.

So much of this still feels so new and confusing. We'll both be horny and 69ing or something while she tells me about her desires or experiences. I'll be thinking about how hot it is that she has these desires despite having a boyfriend, forgetting that her boyfriend is me. She'll tell me about some waiter we've met and how she fantasised about him, I'll ask if she wanted to suck his cock and be hoping the answer is yes. I'll ask if she masturbated thinking about him, again hoping the answer is yes. I'll be thinking about how hot it is that she wants to cuck her boyfriend like that and then remember that I'm that boyfriend, the pussy she wants to give to that guy is the one I'm eating, the pussy that she pleasured herself with while thinking about other guys. It's all so conflicting.

[monraccoon]

sweet pain. all of the contradictions of this game are like the flint and the steel striking together creating moments of light and heat. the more you free her to explore and fully experience her sexuality, the more you will bond her to you. another lover can give her a large cock and long, intense fucking, but they can’t usually give her what you provide: freedom within a loving relationship.
read THE STORY OF O. read “my Korean adventure” and “my Asian wife wants more” on the slutwives website under the legendary threads tab. be brave.

[JackCUK]

The cuck shame spiral you described sounds accurate. I don't have ED, I've just felt more sensitive and cum quicker since having these fantasies.

I think I will eventually confess to her how I really feel, I think she will understand why I haven't, after all she has been supressing her fantasies for a long time too. She's reached the point where she's comfortable with how she feels, I'm not there yet. I'm liking the process of her opening up to me and being able to respect what she's going through, it definitely feels like we're getting stronger through that.

So much of this still feels so new and confusing. We'll both be horny and 69ing or something while she tells me about her desires or experiences. I'll be thinking about how hot it is that she has these desires despite having a boyfriend, forgetting that her boyfriend is me. She'll tell me about some waiter we've met and how she fantasised about him, I'll ask if she wanted to suck his cock and be hoping the answer is yes. I'll ask if she masturbated thinking about him, again hoping the answer is yes. I'll be thinking about how hot it is that she wants to cuck her boyfriend like that and then remember that I'm that boyfriend, the pussy she wants to give to that guy is the one I'm eating, the pussy that she pleasured herself with while thinking about other guys. It's all so conflicting.

Sorry mistyped- I meant PE not ED. Although I think a lot of the mechanism behind them is the same - basically getting in your head too much.

Of course, you need to go at your own pace. In a way it sounds like you are over the hardest part anyway since you don’t have to be the one to broach the subject of her having sex with someone else. She will have picked up on (to some extent at least) how it turns you on and it doesn’t sound like that is bothering her at all? And she struggles with her own desires so you have a good basis for understanding each other.

So sounds like you are in a good place. I would still just say, don’t think you have to tough it out by yourself if you continue to have mixed feelings. I think, the more open you are able to be the more likely it is you’ll navigate whatever happens without catastrophic misunderstandings. And she should be there for you just as much as you are there for her.

[anondesires]

I'm freaking out a bit, not sure what to do, I'm going to write down part of tonight's conversation while it's still fresh in my head. She'll usually think of some obscure guy that we can both remember to confess to having fantasies about, there's been a few so far, I thought I'd be ballsy and asked if there was anyone closer to home she needs to confess about. She paused for a while.

Her: ...like who?
Me: ...[my best friend]
Her: ...what about him?
Me: Have you fantasized about him?
Her: ...yes...(I'm sorry!)
Me: How many times?
Her: I don't know, I don't count, I've known him almost as long as I've known you.
Me: In the last month...
Her: I don't know!
Me: While masturbating...?
Her: Ok, stop, I'm trying to be honest with you but I don't want to outright hurt you.
Me: It's ok, I'm not mad, I'm just curious.
Her: I don't know! A few...
Me: ...times masturbating in the past month?
Her: I guess. I'm sorry!
Me: I'm not mad, just surprised... Have you seen his dick?
Her: ...yes...
Me: What? Like, through his clothes?
Her: ...yes... and in the flesh...
Me: What?! How?! When?!
Her: Argh! Something silly happened a few months back, I wanted to tell you about it but he started blackmailing me.
Me: When? What happened?
Her: I think it was between Christmas and New Year. He was wearing those tight shorts and had something hanging inside his leg, I assumed it was a pair of socks or something embarrassing, we were all a bit drunk and I thought it would be funny to reach in from underneath and pull whatever it was out...
Me: And it was his dick? Where was I?
Her: I think you'd gone to [get drinks/snacks from a place down the street]. Yes it was his dick but I honestly didn't expect it to be, I wouldn't have done it if I did.
Me: So what happened? How did you see it?
Her: I was confused. It felt like a big slightly hard dick but I guess I didn't believe it was real. I was like "omg is that real? I'm so sorry" but instead of pulling my hand out, I reached in further to see if it attached *laughs nervously*. He didn't answer immediately and I guess my hand was in there waiting for him to answer. It started to get hard in my hand and I guess out of habit I encouraged it with my hand a little. I think he said something like "why? do you like it?" and it snapped me back to reality, I pulled my hand out and freaked out. I begged him not to tell you about it and he said he wouldn't as long as I did as he said. I agreed. He stood up and told me to get on my knees. I asked how that would help the situation but he just insisted I do it or he'd tell you I came onto him and stroked his cock. I wasn't thinking clearly and did as he said. He told me to pull down his shorts and take out his cock. I thought it was a joke or a test or something!
Me: Did you do it?
Her: ...yes... I was scared of what he might tell you!
Me: Then what happened?
Her: He told me to make his dick hard!
Me: And did you?
Her: I started to with my hand but then he told me to suck it.
Me: And did you?
Her: No!
Me: So what happened?
Her: He said if I didn't he would tell you some exaggerated story and that if I sucked his dick we could just forget all about it.
Me: But you didn't?
Her: No!
Me: Did you want to?
Her: That's not fair!
Me: I'm not mad at you, just curious.
Her: Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.
Me: So that's a yes then! *laughs*
Her: *realises she would've just said no if she didn't and looks annoyed/guilty*
Me: Have you fantasized about that situation since?
Her: That's enough! We're not doing this! I've said I'm sorry and I really am.
Me: Sorry. I promise I'm not mad at you, I'm annoyed at him but I'm glad you could finally tell me about it.

[Colliercuck]

Be honest with her, tell her it turns you on like nothing else…..you gotta be you (meaning don’t try to be something your not) honesty is always the best policy

[CandA]

Now it’s getting real for you, because for some time it’s been real for her. That’s why you picked up on the sexual energy and also why he started being more assertive and less respectful of both of you.

My 2¢.. I’d suggest you focus on:
1) supportive, empathetic and honest communication, and
2) a realistic discussion that he is not behaving as a healthy, respectful friend who cares for either of your best interests.

Find others with the big dick for her and you two have fun with a non-destructive partner.

[wannabecUKold]

Now it’s getting real for you, because for some time it’s been real for her. That’s why you picked up on the sexual energy and also why he started being more assertive and less respectful of both of you.

That confirms our guesses earlier in this thread.
Quite a revelation. It’s good that she has felt able to tell you.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea. Your gf is clearly in need of sex with another cock. The ‘best friend’ is some way down the path and it may be this is the cock (aka pair of socks) she wants. But you may conclude he would disrespect you too much. Or that he wouldn’t. Other cocks are available. Chat further with her when you are ready.

[hubudig2]

Were you in 69 for this convo like others you've said about?

I'm sure you have so many questions for both of them. Give it time, let her know that you'll need to get his version too but reassure her that you trust her version. Offer for her to tell you anything more before you hear it from him. He'll insist that she wanted it and she's pretty much admitted to it too.

[elina]

Now it’s getting real for you, because for some time it’s been real for her. That’s why you picked up on the sexual energy and also why he started being more assertive and less respectful of both of you.

That confirms our guesses earlier in this thread.
Quite a revelation. It’s good that she has felt able to tell you.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea. Your gf is clearly in need of sex with another cock. The ‘best friend’ is some way down the path and it may be this is the cock (aka pair of socks) she wants. But you may conclude he would disrespect you too much. Or that he wouldn’t. Other cocks are available. Chat further with her when you are ready.

Mostly fully agree, except that I think that you should leave it to your Girlfriend to control who She decides to have sex with, the only restriction should be to ensure that She is fully transparant with you on what She is up to at any given time.

More urgently, to ensure that your Girlfriend comes to see this somewhat awkward conversation as truly positive, I suggest you go out today and buy Her a nice bouquet of flowers. Write Her a card, keep it simple but maybe just state that you love Her, and the more you learn about Her thoughts and fantasies, the stronger your desire to remain Her selected partner becomes.

Tell Her that you admire Her for who She is and loves Her more and more.

The opportunity here is to encourage Her to remain/become fully open and transparant with you.

The one thing I for sure knows about me if I were in your shoes now, I know that I would forever deeply regret it if I failed to keep this Lady and my partner for life. Only you can know if this is true for you as well.

Sincerely
elina

[luvwives999]

The conversation you had really turned me on, I assume it did the same for you. I think you need to outright ask her, do you think he will eventually fuck you? Tell her whatever her decision you will back her up, that you treasure her happiness, just explain that if she thinks it will happen, you don't want her to do it behind your back. That you just need her honesty and to share in her excitement, that you and she are in this together. I got to say, your friend is more brazen than most guys. A friend of mine, at his engagement party pulled my wife aside, put his hand down her top, and said, now that I am getting married, we can have an affair. This does work both ways, as a friend of my wife's, at her wedding pulled me aside and said, now that I am married, we can have an affair.

[joel68]

Wow. Loved the dialogue! Hoping for more conversations like that will be reported. Did you get hot talking about it? Did she?

It appears she is possibly going to be fucked by your friend.

[anondesires]

Wow. Loved the dialogue! Hoping for more conversations like that will be reported. Did you get hot talking about it? Did she?

It appears she is possibly going to be fucked by your friend.

There were a lot of emotions going on, I don't think hot was the one consuming me most. It was mostly my heart thumping away and a series of gut punches. As much as the gut punches hurt, part of me was "enjoying" the pain of it. I remember almost wanting her to tell me she sucked his cock, that his dick was bigger and better than mine, that they've been having an affair etc. I don't think she got turned on telling me. I think she was mostly worried, sorry and distressed.

[monraccoon]

best to get on board with her about fucking your friend. the better she understands that you’re down with it, the more readily she’ll be honest with you and share her deepest secrets. be open with her. tell her that your biggest fear is that your friend will treat you disrespectfully and that she will feel less for you when he does. get her on your side before it happens, and then enjoy her getting fucked by him together.
that’s my advice.

[joel68]

Good advice!

[anondesires]

Were you in 69 for this convo like others you've said about?

I'm sure you have so many questions for both of them. Give it time, let her know that you'll need to get his version too but reassure her that you trust her version. Offer for her to tell you anything more before you hear it from him. He'll insist that she wanted it and she's pretty much admitted to it too.

Good point. We've found 69 to be a good way for us both to be in the mood to handle telling and hearing about these things in an erotic rather than upsetting way. It's mostly hand job for me instead of blow job so that she can talk more. We started out just touching each other but I think even that had stopped by the time she said she masturbated a few times this month already. I don't think either of us realised that we stopped and it was a mistake to stop but I don't think we could've carried on through that conversation, it was too gripping/emotional

She's asked me not to mention it to him yet, that we need to revisit the subject first. We've discussed in the past couple of weeks that it might be hot to either:
1. tie her up and me torture confessions out of her and punish her for them
2. tie me up and me be forced to eat her pussy while she confesses to things while edging me
The 2nd one is similar to the 69 we usually do. She prefers the first option, I prefer the 2nd but I haven't been too vocal about it. So far we've agreed it's a bit extreme but I think revisiting this subject might warrant it.

[anondesires]

Now it’s getting real for you, because for some time it’s been real for her. That’s why you picked up on the sexual energy and also why he started being more assertive and less respectful of both of you.

That confirms our guesses earlier in this thread.
Quite a revelation. It’s good that she has felt able to tell you.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea. Your gf is clearly in need of sex with another cock. The ‘best friend’ is some way down the path and it may be this is the cock (aka pair of socks) she wants. But you may conclude he would disrespect you too much. Or that he wouldn’t. Other cocks are available. Chat further with her when you are ready.

Mostly fully agree, except that I think that you should leave it to your Girlfriend to control who She decides to have sex with, the only restriction should be to ensure that She is fully transparant with you on what She is up to at any given time.

More urgently, to ensure that your Girlfriend comes to see this somewhat awkward conversation as truly positive, I suggest you go out today and buy Her a nice bouquet of flowers. Write Her a card, keep it simple but maybe just state that you love Her, and the more you learn about Her thoughts and fantasies, the stronger your desire to remain Her selected partner becomes.

Tell Her that you admire Her for who She is and loves Her more and more.

The opportunity here is to encourage Her to remain/become fully open and transparant with you.

The one thing I for sure knows about me if I were in your shoes now, I know that I would forever deeply regret it if I failed to keep this Lady and my partner for life. Only you can know if this is true for you as well.

Sincerely
elina

I think I've already accepted that I want to keep her as my partner for life, regardless of where these confessions might end. Tbh that scares me. What's even more scary is that these are just the things she's done while trying to be a good monogamous girlfriend. Now we're considering her having a little freedom to get her "fix", where will that end? I try not to think about it. Most of me hopes that fucking that guy she used to fuck will get it out of her system for a little while.