The journey to a vixen, hopefully.

[Deeperlove1369]

Hiding things from you is not a good sign, unless you are both on board and she is playing games to tease you. If she is sneaking around, even if you think it is hot, it's going to end in disaster my friend. This lifestyle is about open communication, trust, and honesty to which, hiding things from you is a violation of all 3. When you are a team ans sharing the experience, it brings you closer together. When you are not, it tears you apart. There is no reason to sneak around or hide anything from you, so if she is, that's bad ju-ju. I'd have a very honest conversation with her. Good luck.

Funny. My mind didn't go to cheating or setting up something behind my back. I'm thinking she is exploring the fantasy online and trying to get an idea about it. Learning what a vixen Hotwife marriage is etc. She is very shy and direct conversations about sex have been uncomfortable for her because of beliefs about sex and what would be considered a most rural conservative background. The reason I am believing this is that she is still opening up more and pushing her personal boundaries more and more. Last night, she made a point of expressing disappointment that she wasn't up to giving me a blowjob even though I wasn't asked for, hinted at or anything. It was out of the blue

The history clearing also seems to be happening after a night a sex with Hotwife talk, almost like she is fact checking things I say or was looking at stuff before we had sex to get revved. She knows my feelings on cheating and knows that this is about us doing this together so I am fairly confident it is not anything nefarious that way, just shyness she is slowly overcoming.

If she knows you're all-in, why would she try to hide her research? I get that she is somewhat confused and embarrassed, maybe, but you've made it perfectly clear what turns you on so I'm not as certain as you, but you know her best and I'm just on the outside looking at very little, but maybe that is a perspective that will help you. I'd still suggest you talk to her about her covert actions, and if your suspicion is correct, then start researching together so she is comfortable with everything, ya never know, that could get her totally onboard.

[bbarnsworth]

And there's the problem. "Fairly confident". Therein begins doubt, fear, and jealousy. Deeperlove is absolutely right. No matter how shy she is, the two of you really need to get a handle on this secrecy bit. It can be difficult, but once that level of communication really opens up, it will be wonderful, and will completely enable hotwifing.

That said, it IS possible she is already initiating things with someone, but hasn't "crossed the line" so to speak, so doesn't feel she's done anything wrong, but also doesn't want to be exposed. If that's the case, then there's train wreck in the future.

So, either way, this has to come out in the open.

[Deeperlove1369]

And there's the problem. "Fairly confident". Therein begins doubt, fear, and jealousy. Deeperlove is absolutely right. No matter how shy she is, the two of you really need to get a handle on this secrecy bit. It can be difficult, but once that level of communication really opens up, it will be wonderful, and will completely enable hotwifing.

That said, it IS possible she is already initiating things with someone, but hasn't "crossed the line" so to speak, so doesn't feel she's done anything wrong, but also doesn't want to be exposed. If that's the case, then there's train wreck in the future.

So, either way, this has to come out in the open.

I wish posts had likes/dislikes. You get a thumbs-up from me bbarnsworth. We're both pulling for hope2explore, he appears to be on the brink of either basking on the beach or riding that train off the cliff.

[hope2explore]

Hey guys, really appreciate your comments and suggestions.

Things have been in a bit of a holding pattern so to speak. No much going on as there has been a need to attend to regular life stuff. We have continued with our regular sex routine, if you can call it that, and I have been purposely keeping it fairly middle of the road talk wise. The other day when I started to get heavy into it, she told me to "avoid the rabbit hole tonight and hurry up" as we had been going for sometime.

As it turns out, there have been a few non hotwife things that explain some of the observations I made lately about her behaviour. Might have been a mite of "fantasy lens" at play. The protectiveness of the phone was that she was planning a surprise gift for me (not a hotwife gift) and was communicating with the place setting it up. She has since returned to the normal not protective stance with her phone. The internet history is another thing but part of it was researching the surprise. The rest of the internet history clearing is due to a work software issue that she has openly been talking about and IT has informed her to clear the history regularly due to a cache issue. (seen the email inadvertently).

But, there is a real and valid portion of her hiding her searches about hotwifing, stag vixen, wife sharing etc. And, as hard as it is to understand, I truly accept this as necessary and it makes me hard as a rock knowing this is what she is doing. I figure that If I kept this fantasy from for almost 11 years before finally admitting it as I explored it to make sense for myself, I need to afford her the same ability to figure it out on her own. During those years, I was very secretive of my actions as I researched this and would be a hypocrite if I expected a different set of rules for her. I know this approaching is working as she is doing this at her pace and it is paying off as she is becoming more open to comments and talks about hotwifing and being open having experiences. I also am waiting for an opening to suggest that we set up a couple's email for exploring websites, X, forums etc together but want to give her more time to get herself up to speed first. We're not there yet, but definitely getting closer to this step and I have been purposely leaving hotwifing sites up on my iPad and phone for her to see as well as leaving my search histories tab open for her to find including my "special interest" bookmark. Basically, I am trying to let me know it is okay to be looking at this stuff.

I have brought up in the past that this is a mutual activity and not solo venture I am proposing and will continue to re-visit his. However, I will admit that the past few weeks I am finding myself turned on to the idea of her sprinting it on me that she has a pussy full of cum or sending me a pic of her and another guy. The point being, right now, she is aware that this is an idea about mutual / shared experiences. When I think back, I believe it was the "reclaiming" comment that might have nudged her more than I expected it would. Time will tell.

[silky nylons]

A very fascinating turn of events. I just found your thread. Thank you for sharing. Tights? How sexy. Sheer, silky shine? What color?

[hope2explore]

A very fascinating turn of events. I just found your thread. Thank you for sharing. Tights? How sexy. Sheer, silky shine? What color?

There were yoga type tights. A deep pink colour and not sheer

[hope2explore]

it has been a rough week as we have had a cold go through our house so not much of anything happening.

Last night, as we relaxed on the couch, we decided to watch a movie. I took the chance and said let's watch "Babygirl" with Nicole Kidman knowing full well that it had the cheating wife storyline.We watched it and at times, my wife stated that it was hard to follow and not as good as expected but kept watching. After the movie, she said that it was weird but interesting.

We went to bed and as I was cuddled up next to her, I told her that the movie had a hotwife slant, although an extreme one in which the wife cheats, fesses up and the husband accepts the cheating and they carry on. No response. Then added that my hotwife fantasy isn't that extreme and is about shared experiences. As is normally the case, anytime I talk wiht her about hotwifing, I get hard and made sure to let her feel my hard cock against her ass. (if it wasn't for the cold holding on, I think I would have had a very wet pussy to enjoy)

So, I think in the coming week, I am going to send her a vixen hotwifing website / blog that I have been following to help her understand my hotwifing fantasy better. Might hint at signing up the site to explore the fantasy together, to see what we can do without involving another person, yet.

[hope2explore]

Past 72 hours have been interesting.

Both my wife and I have been slowly recovering from an illness that took the house by storm. Notice on Tuesday night that my wife was making a few comments with a subtle sexual overture. She even commented about joking with a contractor about him being a popular guy in demand, because his phone rang when they were talking about a job. Kicker is she was wearing a pair of shorts and a lower cut tank top during this exchange apparently.

Yesterday started with me whispering in her ear as I was leaving for the day that I wanted her. Last night, lots of innuendoes and she was very playful and touchy with me. She talked about going by a tile place recommended by a contractor. She made a point of saying it was “off the beaten track” and might be interesting to check out. In bed, told her that I hoping we are good to go for fun tomorrow, especially knowing how horny she is today. No denial. Asked her if I was wrong. She replied that “I’m not denying it”.

Today, much the same. At supper, she asked if I wanted any pickles with dinner. Told her sure and told her that I know you’re going to have a pickle aren’t you? She quickly said she’s not going to answer because my mind will make something up. Told her that it looks like your minds thinking about dirty about pickles already. Added that I know you like getting a pickle and like the idea of having more than one. No reply, no comment. But, she passed by me a few minutes later and made a point of caressing my side as she walked by.

[hope2explore]

Well, a few notable moments in the last bit. Definitely the roller coaster of the vixen hotwife journey.

After my last post, my wife did in fact open a bit. We had a few hours of just us in the house so i through out that if went to the bedroom, I’d have no choice but to join her via a text. She replied about the amount of work I said I had but moments later, she was heading to the bedroom and asked if I was joining her or not. As she was blowing me, I told her how hot it was to watch her take my cock in her mouth. She made the comment about not need the “porn talk” (her label for the Hotwife talk). Message received.

Once again, super wet and ready as I slid in and threw out to her So, what if I see you as my personal porn star and get turned on by you and what you do. Little chuckle followed by a moan as I made sure it hit her spot. I respected the no porn talk but as IU was taking longer, I asked if it would be cool if I talked a bit. She comment not now and I realized that she was in her own fantasy at this point. She got very wet and the moment caught me off guard and I didn’t last much longer. On a side note, this is one of the things I explained to her that I would want to do differently - not be schedule focus with sex and if the chance presents, lets take it.

This weekend she was distant at times during the day and wanted to cuddle at night. Nothing sexual. Plus, the innuendos have continued, albeit not as often since Thursday.

Today, I had to grab her phone and noticed her new audio book. It was a collection of short erotic stories. Checked it out afterwards and this line caught be “ From thrilling encounters with mysterious strangers to forbidden affairs that defy all societal norms, these stories offer an escape from reality into a world where anything is possible.”. She is clearly exploring the hotwife fantasy and I am not seeing things through the fantasy lens like I was worried. This is the first tangible proof that she is checking things out.

Just when I was giving up hope.

[hope2explore]

Been a bit since an update.

For all intent and purpose, I have completely laid off the "porn talk" (kinda) and not pushed any real chats about hotwifing, the fantasy and it seems to be working. I have also been more open about sexual comments etc or even being very suggestive about desiring her. About a week back or so, I sent her a text that outlined that I came home, found her waiting for me naked in bed, face down. I told her that I would begin exploring her that way and begin eating her from behind before flipping her over. No response tot he text but when I got home, she made clear that she read it but told me "I read your porn script". Quickly corrected her that it wasn't a porn script but what I would see myself doing with her and added that I want you to realize that my hotwife fantasy is only one of the ways I see her bering open sexually with me. She appeared taken aback.

That night, she said if you want a blow job, close the door and boy did she go for it. One of her hard lines has always been a dislike of having hands on her head as she gives blowjobs but this time, she was open to me having a hand on the back of her head as she aggressively worked on me. She even responded to me thrusting my cock into her mouth as she sucked. She as a different woman and had me moaning like I have never moaned for any blow job. Told her that I wanted her pussy and she eagerly moved off my cock and offered her pussy. I slid in and she was soaking wet. It took everything to keep it together and not blow a load. Told her she was so wet and whatever she was thinking about, to keep thinking about it. Things got so hot as she was grinding and responding back to my thrusts that at one point, it felt like she squirted for the first time in a while. I reached down and my hand was as wet as putting it under a running faucet. I couldn't hold back and told her that I want her taking cock like this whenever she wants. She started moaning and it put me over the edge.

As we laid in bed afterwards, asked her what made her so wet. She replied, I guess it I got wet from sucking cock. She finally openly admitted to it being a huge turn on for her. Decided to just let her admission sit with her but told her that whatever it was that kept her getting wetter, let me know she that I can do it again.

Next time she had sex, it was straight to the action. Last night however, figured it was time to re-engage a bit and as we were getting it bed, told ehr to close the door as I know she wants to suck my cock. she asked why would i think that so I replied because I know your horny (her behaviours throughout the night) and it turns you to suck cock. No denial and quickly she was sucking me. This time however, she positioned herself so that I could play with her pussy while she was going to town which I eagerly did. At one point, as I was rubbing her pussy (not into fingering) and focusing on her clit, I put a hand on the back of her head and I started to feel her getting wet. about 30 seconds later, she said, "thats enough" and quickly offered up her pussy. Once again, wet and moaning. Told her that her pussy loves cock because it gets so wet when I am fucking her. No denial. Asked her if she likes getting fucked, "maybe". Told her that her pussy doesn't lie and its obvious she loves taking cock. She orgamsed when I said that and all i could do was tell her that i want her taking cock before I lost it too.

Sexually, she is so much more into it and doesn't appear to be as concerns about how I might perceive it. She is also open to more sexual comments thrown out. The other day, she asked where I had put something and I told her in the dresser draw, but don't might the 10" BBC dildo in there, that for another time. she chuckled. She is also in her glory with warmer weather. Bought a new bikini top and is looking for a bottom / full set too. Pointed out a higher cut one and she is considering it. Also wearing tank tops that are lower cut too.

On a side, she is finished her naughty stories book. I think it might have awakened her. Timing is good as we are heading for a night away soon and will be hitting a few lounges and bars after our dinner.

[hope2explore]

I am always amazed at the small little things that you notice or witness on this journey.

Came home from work yesterday and my wife was wearing a pair of jean shorts and a spaghetti strap top with her hair up. She looked hot AF. Its even better that we have contractors in the house (not her type but the fact that she was dressed this way was a huge shift). Now here is the kicker. The jean shorts had a rip across the lower butt cheek that allowed you to clearly see her lace underwear. Pointed out that there was hole and her response was, "oh well, I noticed that but they are comfy." Told her that its sexy.

Later in the evening as we are sitting on the couch chilling, she is scrolling her phone and a reel started playing with the sound up. It was a male voice talking and it sounded like advice to couples or more specifically, married men. He was talking about what women need in relationships to feel stable and I lot has to do with how society present the way they are suppose to act etc. The conversation then changed to be directed towards women, telling them that they need to know themselves and what brings them joy. As he started to talk about women needing to understand what pleasures them, my wife reacted by skipping ahead in the video. She was obviously waiting for me to say something but I just let it hang there as we both heard the content of the video. It was a lifestyle slanted reel. So, she is still exploring but is now letting it "slip" that she is.

Later, I was checking my iPhone and went to my bookmarks to pull up a website for work. When I opened up the bookmarks, it was on my reading list where I have added a few hotwife videos I wanted to watch when I had some alone time. The video that was showing was titled "My wife made my hotwife fantasy real". Lets just say I am glad I stopped hiding things form her on my phone. But, I'm wondering how many times she watched it.

This weekend, we are heading out for a night away as a couple to a busy tourist area. We will be hitting a few lounges and maybe a casino. Took her out shopping last week for a new dress for our dinner and she picked out a very classy yet sexy dress. Interested to see where things go.

[Fearlesspain]

Congrats on all the progress you two have made!

She seems to be enjoying dipping her feet into the water to see how it feels and I think you're doing a great job of keeping the pace slow and not making a big deal out of things.

Can't wait for your update over the weekend. I hope you two have the best time together!

[hope2explore]

So, a couple of interesting conversations leading up to our night away today.

The other night as we were getting sexual, my wife commented about having to use the main washroom due to a reno to the en suite and walking with cum dripping down. Told her she can always sit on my face and I will gladly take care of it. (She is aware that before we were married, I was sexually bi with others and enjoyed cum.). Her response was "ewe". Joking challenged her back saying that what's "ewe" about pleasuring you. She kept to "Ewe" as her response, which isn't a no so it is something she might come around too in the right circumstances I believe. Finally told her that she knows that I am open to her sitting on my face after sex and or me cleaning her up so, whatever. Figured the seed was planted, let's see where it goes. Funny thing is that a few years ago, during a very hot night of sex, I did in fact go down on her after I came. She came hard and I immediately fucked her after for a second orgasm and multiply for her. So, yeah, in the right moment.......

As we fucked, I told her that I can't wait to have her naked body before me, watching her pleasure. Her patented "really" came out which I responded by starting to fuck her hard and fast like she enjoys. She started moaning and I told her that I know she loves taking cock and her pussy's wetness tells me how much she enjoys taking cock hard. More moaning and an orgasm. Unfortunately, I was too excited and unable to finish but made sure she knew that I thoroughly enjoyed her pleasure and I might be saving up for the night away.

Yesterday she brought up an idea she had for a non sexual activity to do this summer. I was not really interested and let her know but added that I would still go along with her. We bantered a bit back and forth then I reminded her that I like things that she's not interested in and that's okay. She replied that it's because your ideas are weird. These conversations are funny because she knows exactly what we are talking about at points like this but won't say it. So, I figured fuck it, push the limit - I know you think they're weird but I also know deep down you are interested in them and really want to give them a try. Silence, no denial, no rebuttal, just the silence of a person who was called out and exposed.

[hope2explore]

in a very strange but exciting spot.

My wife is visiting back home for a few days. Last night, she told me that she has a coffee planned with an old friend while there. This old friend, lets call him Matt, is someone that she was extremely close with before we got together and when we started dating, I questioned if he was someone that she was dating as well. She denied dating or interest in him but he was a source of jealousy at the start. It was also clear that he was very interested in her and would have loved to advance beyond friends. After she assured me she was not interested beyond a friend with him, all three of us got along great.
As soon as it sunk in that she planned this meeting and ensured that it would be one on one with him, my mind began spinning. She's also made plans for our kid to hand out with relatives while she goes to meet with him. I doubt that anything will happen but the thought that it might has put me in a constant state of arousal. It is making me wonder if she is testing me with this and at the same time, testing the waters a bit with a known safe person - testing the waters by going for a coffee to see how she feels being one on one with a male other than me. regardless, i have been rock hard off an on thinking and fantasying about the possibilities.

This morning when she reached out to say hi, I asked when she meeting Matt for coffee. She replied with the time. Decided to reply with an open ended - "Have fun and have a good visit with Matt" leaving coffee out of it. Her reply was a simple I will LU (Love you).

If anything happens, I will be more than okay with it and couldn't think of a better choice to enter the lifestyle with. But I also know this is wishful thinking on my part so I am trying not to read too much into it or expect anything but the lust and desire for this is something I never thought of. If anything, this situation is confirming for me that I want her to be my vixen / hotwife and enjoying herself sexually with others.

What a fucking rush.

[shadowtantra]

Hope2, What an exciting time for you and your wife! I hope it all goes well and sounds like you are supporting her on this adventure! Cant wait to hear more about the coffee when you have time!

[aztd]

Just read the whole post. Very well written. I'm very excited for you. Seems like she's gone from not being too sexual to be in a firecracker. For getting wet when you talk about f****** cocks. I will be f****** my wife and ask her if she wants another cock makes her moan then I ask her if she wants a big black cock and throws her over the edge coming as hard as ever.

[hope2explore]

Hope2, What an exciting time for you and your wife! I hope it all goes well and sounds like you are supporting her on this adventure! Cant wait to hear more about the coffee when you have time!

Nothing happened on the visit, directly. Indirectly, and a lot has to do with my relaxed attitude about it, has been she was able to see a very non jealous response from me. I was very open to her talking about the coffee get together and telling me how he has been doing. She also met with another old friend, someone who we both know was very interested in her and desired (lusted) her big time. It was a very platonic meeting. Once again, I as non jealous and very open to the conversation about their meeting.

[hope2explore]

Just read the whole post. Very well written. I'm very excited for you. Seems like she's gone from not being too sexual to be in a firecracker. For getting wet when you talk about f****** cocks. I will be f****** my wife and ask her if she wants another cock makes her moan then I ask her if she wants a big black cock and throws her over the edge coming as hard as ever.

Thanks. Yeah, it has definitely been interesting to see her body react positively to the idea when her mind is still saying not interested.

[hope2explore]

Over the last few weeks, I purposefully and with intent pulled back from the Hotwife fantasy right across the board. During sex, any talk has been about her reaction and response to getting fucked without suggesting other cocks being involved and jokes or comments about hotwifing outside of the bedroom have been stopped. This hasn't stopped me from watching hotwife porn and keeping my search history up so that if she checks, she knows it is still on my mind even if I am not bring it up.

Despite the pull back, something interesting has been happening as a result.

- She has unleashed a new level in her blow job skills. She gets possessed sucking my cock and I had to pull her off the last time so that I didn't shoot my load in her mouth. (side note, she has never allowed me or has been interested in me cumming in her mouth so this is very different).
- She gets very into sex and has been more expressive that she has ever been in our relationship. When I point out how wet she is, she starts moaning and gets more intense in the moment.
- she continues to wear the jean shorts with the rip across her lower ass cheek and has been pairing it with tank tops without a bra when she is going out shopping.
- She is wearing more dresses when we are out for dinner / drinks and is walking with confidence
- she recently bought an outfit for sleeping that is different than her usual cotton nightdress. She bought a pair of sleep shorts with lace around he legs and a spaghetti strap top.
- she has been making comments/ jokes about hotwife type topics and has been using "sissy" to describe me in situations. (I've been lightly correcting her about the sissy label as it is not a fit for me but shows her trying to understand the fantasy more).

The new night attire definitely was an eye opener, particularly because she got a tighter version of shorts that I would have considered. Made it very clear that I liked what she was wearing and found it to be sexy as fuck. In the morning, opened her housecoat to get a good look at the outfit again, letting her know how hot she looked. She enjoyed the attention and tried to play it off like it was no big deal but she was clearly loving it.

[hope2explore]

Well, not the type of update I was hoping to add considering the progress that I felt was being made.

Last night during sex, I brought up a situation that played out while we were recently on holidays in which my wife and I went to a hot tube at the hotel. There were two to choose from, one was occupied by a group of women and the other had two guys sitting in it. My wife looked at me, dropped her housecoat and got into the hot tub with two guys. They both watched her get in and then spent the next while checking out her tits. When they got up to leave, one of the guys stood up facing my wife as his swim trunks clung to his body, giving a very descriptive view of his cock. It was fucking hot and a huge turn on. But when I brought it up, my wife's response was nothing less than a complete mood killer.

My wife went completely limp and commented that she wasn't interested in hearing about it. Apologized for bringing it up and tried to get going again. Couldn't keep going and pulled out, saying that we can try tomorrow night. She asked me what was the problem and I told her that I made her feel uncomfortable and that's not what I wanted for her or me. She made it clear that she did not want to hear about someone checking out of tits. Tried to explain that it was a play on my fantasy but realized that it was not going to go any where.

Because of her reaction of going limp X 2 and clearly demonstrating how disgusted she was with the idea along with the lack of desire to purposely play with the fantasy, I've decided it is time to face reality. As much I want this fantasy to become reality, it is not something that my wife is open to even considering as something to explore between us. I don't want to make her uncomfortable so, I'm walking away from my fantasy.For the short term, this means ending this thread and possibly leaving the forum as well as keeping anything Hotwife related to myself going forward.

Wish others well on their journeys but it is time for me to see the reality of my situation, not through a stag /cuck lens but through sober non fantasy lens and move on.

[playwifeplease]

Well, not the type of update I was hoping to add considering the progress that I felt was being made.

Last night during sex, I brought up a situation that played out while we were recently on holidays in which my wife and I went to a hot tube at the hotel. There were two to choose from, one was occupied by a group of women and the other had two guys sitting in it. My wife looked at me, dropped her housecoat and got into the hot tub with two guys. They both watched her get in and then spent the next while checking out her tits. When they got up to leave, one of the guys stood up facing my wife as his swim trunks clung to his body, giving a very descriptive view of his cock. It was fucking hot and a huge turn on. But when I brought it up, my wife's response was nothing less than a complete mood killer.

My wife went completely limp and commented that she wasn't interested in hearing about it. Apologized for bringing it up and tried to get going again. Couldn't keep going and pulled out, saying that we can try tomorrow night. She asked me what was the problem and I told her that I made her feel uncomfortable and that's not what I wanted for her or me. She made it clear that she did not want to hear about someone checking out of tits. Tried to explain that it was a play on my fantasy but realized that it was not going to go any where.

Because of her reaction of going limp X 2 and clearly demonstrating how disgusted she was with the idea along with the lack of desire to purposely play with the fantasy, I've decided it is time to face reality. As much I want this fantasy to become reality, it is not something that my wife is open to even considering as something to explore between us. I don't want to make her uncomfortable so, I'm walking away from my fantasy.For the short term, this means ending this thread and possibly leaving the forum as well as keeping anything Hotwife related to myself going forward.

Wish others well on their journeys but it is time for me to see the reality of my situation, not through a stag /cuck lens but through sober non fantasy lens and move on.

Hello Hope2explore,

Please don't leave our community, simply because you had no success. (in the short term)
This is all about our journeys and feelings.
I for one am not looking for some 'porn movie' account of their wife being 'gang banged', but an honest account of your journey, is worth more than anything, and helps our community with real input, from succeses and failures.
NB: Sometimes, a success can quickly become a failure, so every step is like a junction on a road!
Keep posting your thoughts, I for one, appreciate them.

[leggysman]

Agreed. This kink we have is probably not going to go away, or even be very controllable. Back off for now, certainly (and as many more times as needed). But be who you are, manage your expectations, be consistent about what you desire, and be patient. Slow and steady wins the race. Things change, people change, wives evolve.

[bbarnsworth]

I agree with playwifeplease and leggysman!

The seed's definitely been planted. She's well aware of your desires in this. It's her desires that need to build to it of course. Maybe she'll get there, maybe she won't. If you back off and don't mention it for a long while, perhaps she'll eventually bring up the subject on her own. Who knows?

Regardless, stay on the forum. You're more than welcome to post your thoughts/dreams/frustrations/etc., even if nothing is discussed or happens with your wife venturing into this.

[hope2explore]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I was very frustrated and down from her response as it was so extreme and hasn't been anything that I experienced from her since opening up about the fantasy. But.....

Like everyone says about this journey, it is built on open and healthy communication so that I what happened this week. Talked with my wife and explained that I was thrown by her reaction to my comment about the hot tub. Told her that her response killed the mood for me because the last thing I want is to make her feel uncomfortable. She stated that she was bothered by it because she wanted the sex that night to be about us and when I brought up the hot tub, it ruined the moment for her.

Explained to her that talking about the hot tub is about us. I'm letting her know what turns me on about her and the fact that other guys are checking her out is a huge turn on. Pushed it a bit and said that it was wild that the younger guy purposely stood up facing her knowing that his swim trunks would be tight against his crotch, giving her a good view of his semi hard cock from looking at her tits. She didn't deny that it happened nor did she balk about another guy getting turned on by her. She did say that "that's not me nor has it ever been me, someone that seeks attention or flaunts herself." Explained that I know that but she does get checked out and it is a turn on. Told her that it's a turn on for me knowing that other guys find her sexy and that I'm the one who is going to be enjoying your body later not them (for now at least). Pointed out that that makes this all about us as it turns me on and in turn, I turn her on because of how I respond to it. Left it there to see where it goes....

Later that evening, we had a great session that I made sure to make it all about us in the talking. Focussed on her submissive side and told her that this is my pussy and I was going to fuck her how she likes it. That seemed to do the trick to a degree as she was very wet, prompting me to tell her that I was not going last long because of how good she felt. Since then, she has been a bit more playful and joking. Today in the Mall, we walked past a swimwear store. Went in and pointed out a number of really nice looking two piece sets. One was rather risqué for her but she actually liked it. As we continued to wander, suggested that we need to plan another date night go out and have some fun.

Going to take it easy the next while and see where the last chat goes.

[hope2explore]

Fuck the twists and turns of this wannabe journey towards the lifestyle. It is going to be the death of me.......

I had resigned myself to detracting from the fantasy and letting sleeping dogs lay. I have realized that she is very aware of my desires, fantasy, encouragement and openness to her exploring pleasure with me and others. I really am good with her knowing that she has this freedom and acceptance from me. Coupled with this is the ongoing physiological issues (menopausal) that impacts her sexual enjoyment at times. She has been more open about his which has helped me back off from seeking sexual intimacy with her at times so that I am not pressuring her. Then something happens and flips everything upside down and makes things feel unsettled and different.

Laying in bed, my wife tells me that we haven't done anything lately and it feels like we should. I asked if she is wanting to go out on a date night for an evening and she quickly replied yes. We decided to look at doing something one night this weekend. There was a moment of silence before she told me that the treatment she is trying is making things better. I asked if its working then and she said, I told you it is making it better. I suggested that we might also look for a better lube to help make things more comfortable during sex and I would get rid of the other lubes that cause irritation. This prompted her to comment that there is a lot left so "your going to be very busy then", referring to me using it to jerk off. Told her that I would just toss the lube and let her know that I have been abstaining from jerking off since we had sex the other week, before things got irritated.

Her response shocked me a bit because she mentioned that thats good as she doesn't want to find my loads dripping from the shower wall. Pointed out that my preference is to let it shoot on me, as she has witnessed when I've finished myself off during sex. Turned the tables on her and said "I assume you don't finger yourself (she doesn't like digital penetration) and go with the rubbing one out approach". her reply, "Maybe, but it isn't a priority." Asked her what would happen if she made it a priority for herself from time to time? Got a "hmmm" and then silence.

So, this is the first time that my wife has:
a) suggested the need to go out and connect ( it will be interesting to see how she dresses - does she go for attention or classy),
b) informed me that things are getting better with treatment as a means of opening up about sex (she is clearly wanting to have sex)
c) started to talk directly about a sexual act - me jerking off and admitting that she does. (a definite step towards opening up)

She is sexually frustrated and it is bothering her because she is learning that she loves sex and getting fucked. I wonder if me backing off since the last chat is playing into this? She has been "accidentally" bumping / rubbing into me and making sexual references with more frequency this week too. I'm trying not to read too much into this and just see where it continues togo but I can honest say that the dream I had last night didn't make things any easier in regard to sitting back and taking it in.