Double Standard???

[BT2]

Do husbands in general have a double standard, or is it just me?

Last evening we went to a friend's place for dinner (We have never had sex with them nor do we intend to.) At the end of the evening as we said good night, the women hugged for a few seconds, gave each other a quick kiss on the cheek, and the other husband and I briefly shook hands.

I was thinking about it this morning in bed. My wife and I have had a number of FMF threesomes over the years. She is not bi'. Although I am always in on the finale, for a major part of the most visits either my wife or the other woman is in the middle of the bed. I do what any normal male would do with two naked women in bed. The two women, doesn't matter who is in the middle, both pay attention to me sexually, but they also lie close to each other, hug a bit, fondle each other's breasts, kiss a bit, suck on the woman in the center's nipples, may fondle her pussy a bit, and two or three times have even climbed between her legs and licked on her pussy. It all seems quite normal that the two women would play with each other a bit.

We have also had a number of MFM threesomes over the years. My wife is ALWAYS in the middle. She plays with us both. The other male and I both fondle her, do all kinds of things a man does with a naked woman, the other male always has intercourse with her, and sometimes I do too. But the other male and I NEVER touch, and when the evening is over we shake hands - that is all. To touch him more than that, particularly sexually, has a definite negative feeling. I have even read on here that some husbands prefer their wives to go solo because they don't want to be around a naked man.

I've wondered if I have a double standard. Or more particularly, I know I have a double standard, but I don't think it is unusual.

[Aussiem]

There a lot of negative anti gay stuff in society and on these sort of sites. It generally makes males reluctant to touch. Over 40 years of playing in mfm and mfmf I became more relaxed with other men. It doesn't worry me when touching the other male. It's almost impossible not to. I have held their cocks and pushed them into my wife or theirs. Also double v sex a few times, so both cocks are rubbing together. In long sessions you get cum on you and taste it out of the wives. It's really just in your mind, all the anti gay stuff makes you worry. I learnt to be happy with who I am. I have zero desire to do guy on guy stuff but don't care if other guys do. It's the same with other things. I don't like anal, others do. I love eating out a lady when she has just had bare sex, others are repulsed by it. Unfortunately society still has bias about how guys and ladies interact.

[AdamGunn]

I identify as straight. But, in MFM situations, I can be bi when the right situation comes along.

It only happens when there is a woman involved. I've been offered sexual encounters with other men, I've turned them down every time. Usually, when both of us are pleasing the lady, one of us will touch the other, and a smile happens between us, and you know. After that, there's been feeling his cock (or him feeling mine,) possibly when it's penetrating the woman (or close to), or there's just some cock-sucking, either way. When it happened with my wife present, she would let us go ahead but keep in touch by stroking or kissing one or both of us.

An amazing thing, even if the other guy and I have been happily involved with each other, as soon as the woman leaves the room, we instinctually move away from each other.

And yes, I've fantasized about giving another guy head, even to the point of him coming in my mouth, but again, a woman has to be in the fantasy as well.

So, no, your 'double standard' isn't that unusual, I believe.

[leggysman]

It's just personal, I guess, and not necessarily a hang-up. I'm not interested in doing anything sexual with a guy, but incidental contact in an MFM is no big deal. We've done double oral (2 in her mouth) and I've licked her clit while a guy fucked her (much balls bouncing off my chin). I have no particular aversion to anyone else's dick (I like my own - it's nice!) but no attraction to them either. I reckon I'm easy-going about it, but at the same time - very straight.

Kissing a guy though is something I do not want to do. My very dear old friend, a flamboyant gay man who survived HIV for many many years (when it was killing most people) used to plant the occasional (forbidden) kiss on me when he was feeling exuberant. That was pretty gross. I think it was the stubble. I think I'd sooner have touched his dick

My wife leggysandy identifies as 100% straight, and I believe her. She can appreciate an attractive woman aesthetically, and she has said that she wouldn't necessarily object to a woman going down on her in the right situation, but I can't imagine her reciprocating anything. OTOH, people say that womens' sexuality is a bit more fluid, so one can never be sure.

[Cdncuck]

Double standard? Perhaps it's not a double standard so much as a different standard. My wife is not bi. She's always said she's not bi. However, I've seen her have sex with other women.

Back when we were swingers, after I had sex with another woman, my wife would frequently go down on her. She would eat the cream pie and sometimes that was all. Other times they would kiss and suck each other all over with the other women finishing by getting my wife to orgasm on her hand or go down on my wife.

When asked about it afterwards, my wife would say she wasn't bi. She explained that after I had sex with another woman and then she had sex with her, it was a continuation of me having sex with the woman.

Now I could never get my head around that but it made perfect sense to my wife. So despite having a hot and heavy sexual experience with another woman, she wasn't bi. It didn't matter to me if she had sex with other women. That's as exciting to watch as her having sex with a man.

My wife isn't generally attracted to other women but back in those days if I had sex with another woman my wife very often did too.

Maybe women see it differently. Perhaps if they aren't turned on by women normally they aren't bi. Many of the women my wife had sex with also swore they were straight. They had sex with other women occasionally but they weren't bi.

Maybe if they don't regularly have sex with other women, they just don't see themselves as bi. Just speculation on my part. I do know my wife absolutely believes she is % straight. I also know she sometimes fucks women.

[ferrisandrews]

Everyone has a different way of defining what definitions and labels mean to them. Does it mean you're bi as soon as you touch someone else of the opposite sex, anywhere besides the hand and shoulder? Does it mean if you come into contact with someone else of the same sex with the spouse present? What about when the spouse isn't present?

One interesting point you'll see repeated in the hotwife lifestyle is that some of us guys who perform sexual acts on another guy still don't consider ourselves gay or bi. The reasoning behind this is that if the spouse were removed, and it were simply two guys getting together, both males would be repulsed by it. They are not attracted to other guys, but having the spouse involved while practicing the hotwife and/or cuckold dynamic, makes that same act exciting for different reasons.

The classic example is in BDSM. If a bull or Dom owns the couple and the Dom orders the beta cuck to suck his cock, they would both engage in this act and be sexually stimulated by it. They may both consider themselves straight (not bi, not gay), but are still okay performing these sexual acts because they are doing it within the power exchange dynamic that they do openly get off on. Remove that power exchange and the excitement is gone, with nothing left but the act itself, which isn't doing anything for either of them.

Another example is with a cuckold and his chastity cage. If the cuck studies his chastity cage on the shelf, it's just a piece of metal or plastic, probably gathering dust. But if that same cage reminds him of what his wife's bulls did to her (and possibly him) the last time he had it on, suddenly that hunk of metal represents something exciting and memorable.

Does any of that make you straight, bi or gay? The only relevant answer is the one you come up with based on discussions with your triad. The more you can separate yourself from general definitions and labels, the better off you'll be. Care what your spouse and partners think, everyone else doesn't really matter much.

[Thebestdays1]

My ex wife has just read this and wants me to write a reply.

She doesn't believe it's double standards and neither do I. She's bi and has been sleeping with other women for 50 years. The first time I saw her with a woman was nearly 27 years ago, during a foursome with her sister and her partner. She's had other FFM hook ups and was happy to do most things with them as she enjoys doing things with women as much as men, but didn't want me to watch as she didn't go with a woman for my arousal.

I will fondle, fluff, clean and suck another man off, mostly in front of her or her sister but I have to intention of ever doing anything else, beyond shaking hands. I'm happy to thank the penis that's been pleasing my wife but nothing more and she's always understood that and never tried to push things.

She recently admitted cheating on me with her nephew over the last four years of our marriage and was having foursomes with him, her sister and her partner and the men used to fuck each other as the women had sex together. My ex believed at the time that I wouldn't be comfortable seeing the men together and she was right, although I was initially shocked and angry with her for cheating on me. I've enjoyed a few 69's with him lately when I've met up with him and his two aunts but that's all I'm inclined to do.

[MartasBoy]

Do husbands in general have a double standard, or is it just me?.....

....... I have even read on here that some husbands prefer their wives to go solo because they don't want to be around a naked man.

I've wondered if I have a double standard. Or more particularly, I know I have a double standard, but I don't think it is unusual.

I think it depends on whether or not the men involved have any element of bisexual attractions or interests. I've always thought that bisexuality can exist on a continuum and can be expressed in percentage of attractions.

Because I have always had femdom fantasies and some that included bisexual interactions, but always directed by a dominant woman, I long puzzled over the question of whether or not I was gay or bisexual at all.

I have tested it many different ways. I have booked at gay porn, I have looked at men out in public who are attractive and thought about whether I could imagine doing something sexual with them. Usually it doesn't interest me. But it also doesn't repulse me. If I were in a threesome or foursome, I could do some stuff with the guy.

I have concluded that I have 85% attractions to women, and 15% bisexual feelings.

It's funny, my gay son, I believe is 99% or 100% gay and focused on other men. He can comment on how attractive A well-dressed woman looks in her fashions. But it must be seems that his interest is in the clothes they're wearing. But my son had a boyfriend Andrew. Andrew and I spent a day together one day, shopping for presents for my son's birthday. I noticed that Andrew looked at men and women, and commented on beautiful women.

Later Andrew, my son and I, we're talking about attractions and I mentioned that I have always thought that I was 85% straight and 15% bi. I asked Andrew what percentage bi he was, and how much he felt attraction to women. Andrew smiled at the question and cheerfully started to answer, "Oh, that's an interesting question. I have always thought that I was...."

My son cut us off sharply and scolded me saying, "Dad! You don't ask somebody a question like that!" Andrew said that he didn't mind and my son still shut us down. Andrew just shrugged his shoulders and he and I smiled at each other and let the conversation drop. My son didn't seem to want to hear about his boyfriend having any interest in women, and didn't want to even have to consider that his parents might be sexual beings and still have sexual feelings.

So, you and these men that you've encountered, might not have any percentage of bisexual interests, or, they have been so conditioned to fear bisexuality, that they repress the feelings and react to any contact with fear.

I'm a hugger. I came from a hugging family. Everybody hugged in our family even the men. My father and I hugged each other, and my brother and I still hug each other. I hug my friends, both male and female. Most of my friends know this and accept it. Most appreciate it and return hugs warmly. However, I have a few men friends who are homo-uncomfortable. They will give me that exaggerated Macho hug that men give when they are uncomfortable with hugging other men. They will give a quick squeeze with upper body contact only, make a little neanderthal grunt, tap their closed fists on my shoulders a couple of times, and then sharply pull away limiting the hug to about a half a second of contact, then turn away avoiding all eye contact. I find these friends and their discomfort with a warm hug from a buddy, to be quite humorous.