Not sure if I'm in the right place..

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Back after a little break from the site.

We've been in the normal routine of life for a couple of weeks now and everything is going well between us.

L is extremely comfortable in her status as a hotwife now, although we don't really use that term. She is getting a lot more comfortable in her sexuality and is losing weight to gain more confidence. Not that she has much to lose, but women will be women.

She still talks to Pierre frequently. He is actually flying over to spend a night with her on the 2nd of March. He is getting a hotel room and L will spend the night with him. They never spent more than a couple of hours together on our trip, so this will be a big step. When he brought it up, he asked if I would be OK with it. We talked about it for a few minutes and I did some searching of my feelings. I couldn't really come up with a reason of why I wouldn't be, aside from her not being with me. Although there was something lingering that couldn't put words to, maybe it is just that I hadn't considered it before. But I gave the OK. It would be good for her to have the whole night, not worry about time limits or me waiting around.

We have had a little bump. L got out of bed one night and went downstairs to chat and masturbate with him over the phone. There was something about the secrecy of that event that bothered me and I was a bit of an ass about it. I felt a bit like she was choosing him over me and that there was a risk of them developing more 'relationship' type feelings within that shroud of secrecy and so I finally felt my first real jealous feelings. After we talked about it, I realised I was being an idiot and apologised. That was about a week ago and we're all good now.

On Wednesday evening we went to our local LS club on their single guys night, usually we just go on couples night. Oh my gosh the men there were a disappointment. 95% of these men were extremely overweight. I'm not one to body shame, but at least have some standards for yourself. However L intoduced herself to one guy that was younger and fit, probably the only white guy there that was reasonable by her standards. We had a good chat, he also had a SE Asian wife and they visited the club regularly. However he was on his own that night. L decided to go for it.

After chatting for about an hour and stipping down to robes, they started making out in the bar. It wasn't long before he got down on the floor and L spread her legs in front of everyone there and he began eating her pussy. Right in the middle of the bar, L was spread on the couch having her pussy eaten by a complete stranger. It was incredibly hot. She reached out a few times and held my hand. Soon they wanted to fuck so we moved up into the play area. The only bed that was free was the most public one, but L lay straight down and guided him into her. He used a condom, in case anyone was wondering They fucked in missionary for about 15 minutes. Probably 5 or 6 guys stood around watching and masturbating. One guy positioned himself behind and between their legs for the best view. That was the first time I've ever watched her and it was amazing.

Soon he came and thanked her, and me and excused himself. L and I went back to the bar for another drink. She didn't come during the sex, in fact she told me that she wasn't really attracted to him at all, but he was friendly and reasonable and she wanted to see if she could. So she went for it. Now she needed to cum though. So she spread her legs in the bar again and used the magic wand attached to the wall and masturbated to orgasm very very publicly. Not long after that we left.

I think we will avoid the club on Wednesday nights though, I don't see us going back. I'd like to go back on couples nights and now that we've broken the seal, so to speak, I think we will be more comfortable in introducing ourselves to other people there. We've always been very shy about that. Also, I've now watched and so I think L will be more open to that in the future. I've told her how hot she was and she trusts that it won't break me now

So, lets see where it goes in future. I doubt much will happen now until Pierre comes over in March, thankfully he is only staying for the night.

[sandy691196]

Great that you 2 have settled down in the hotwifing LS comfortably.
It's logical and empowering for you 2 that ya'll have started playing locally at your own pace. One ordinary experience needn't be a dampner.. It's just a realistic probability scenario.

I wouldn't write off your native instincts as and when they surface. In this case your discomfort with Pierre has been a recurring thing.
I firmly believe that one should follow one's gut level instincts on these things.
I have twice drawn back from the threshold in the LS with my wife, with 2 different men, 8 years apart.
The 1st time was when we were a wannabe couple, before what would have been our first venture.
Next time was after having tasted the apple (so to speak).. when my wife said she would "date" a guy we found thru an ad..Her point was that she can't enjoy unless she has a "relationship"..
It was hot to think and get worked up massively.
But once I searched my heart and soul, I drew back.

Your instincts tell you about things invisible to the "logical" mind. Throttling your gut feel maynot be a good idea.

[54321]

Thank you for another authentic post.

Every good wish for you both,

54321

[jeffx]

How did the visit with Pierre go?

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Have been away for a while.

There have been some updates in the meantime if anybody is still interested. If not I'll probably let this thread fade away.

All the best

[FNQLivin]

We are very interested. Please update.

[airhorn]

We are very interested. Please update.

Yes we are interested in an update, especially if there have been developments.

[coastalkid]

Definitely

[Dream Weaver]

Have been away for a while.

There have been some updates in the meantime if anybody is still interested. If not I'll probably let this thread fade away.

All the best

This is a great thread! Any update is very much appreciated!

[Nfhw]

Are you kidding? Catch us up!!

[Long Lurker 34]

We are very interested. Please update.

Yes we are interested in an update, especially if there have been developments.

MLO
- As above can't say it any better.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Hi all, I'm obviously a little out of habit coming here. I posted and then forgot to check in But happy to see there is some interest in our journey, even if it isn't the high octane sex fests of some of the more popular threads on here.

I'm going back in my memory here, as I believe Pierre was coming out in March, early March. I remember shaving L's pussy the day of the meeting and that she looked stunning. There is something erotic about shaving your wives pussy for the benefit of another man. I dropped her off in the city and then apart from a few check in messages, didn't hear much from her until after work the next day. A lot of guys on here talk about being consumed with angst and finding it difficult to concerntrate when they know their wive is with another man. Of being consumed with crazy thoughts about what they are up to and what she might be doing. I don't really feel much of that at all. I don't know if it's my ability to compartmentalise different things, or what it might be. Any ideas?

The next night after I came home from work she gave me the low down and we had reclamation sex. We're still not at the point yet where we go through every dirty little detail, we're still practicing that. She told me that they fucked immediately after I dropped her off at the hotel. She took her vibrator with her as she wanted to make sure she came this time. Something she struggled to do the first few times they hooked up. Then they went out to eat and had a date, dinner and a walk. Just enjoying each others company I guess. They didn't fuck again that night, but did have sex one more time in the morning before they said their goodbyes.

Our lives went on as normal for a bit. L and Pierre kept in regular contact and seemed to get closer to some extent. I'm not exactly sure how close, I don't tend to pry, and L likes to have some privacy in her conversations with him. That way she can be more free to talk without having the constant worry about what I may think about what she is saying. She does share some things with me though, she mentioned giving him some advice on his marriage. Pierre is in a sexless marriage and while he claims to love his wife deeply, he looks to fulfill his physical needs elsewhere. Fair enough, some might say. He mentioned to L when they first met that he has his wife's blessing to play outside however, based on some of the advice she was giving him, we're not so sure that's true.

During this time L was planning another trip over to Australia, primarily to see some friends, but she would also be spending several days in Melbourne. She opted not to tell Pierre about this and instead re-engaged with the Fireman. He seemed keen to meet her again and she wanted another go with him, he is an Adonis of a man, I'd let him carry me out of a burning building, so I don't blame her for that. Especially as their last meeting didn't end up with them in bed, even though L gave him a blowjob he never pushed further than that.

Then two things happened at once, at least from my perspective looking back. Fireman stopped replying to L and Pierre sent this strange message, which (maybe because of his English) was a little difficult to decipher. However, my understanding of it went along the lines of this, "I think that we're having fun, but we (or implying, you) are getting too emotionally attached and that some separation of feelings should be maintained." After showing me the message and considering it L responded with essentially, "I'm sorry if I've led you to believe this is something that it's not, if you feel that way then that's fine let's just enjoy our memories. I won't be contactable for a while." I think Pierre sent some kind of damage control message after that, but I honestly can't remember what it was. L blocked him and removed him from everywhere they had connected.

This all happened, probably three weeks to a month before L was due for her trip out, and what followed was a month of pure depression for her. I don't know if it was just the "breakup" or the combination of Fireman also not responding to her messages, but it really affected her deeply. To the point where we were seriously looking at getting her into therapy. It really triggered a lot of things from her childhood traumas, mainly feelings of abandonment. Supporting her through this was strange. Equal parts empathy at her childhood triggers being reopened, and frustration that she was being this affected by another man no longer being in her life. She even considered cancelling the trip to see her friends, something I was firmly against. I was convinced that time away from her day-to-day life and reconnecting with people that loved her would be the best thing for her.

In the end she went and happily she had the best time with them. She told them about her breakup and her friends really took amazing care of her. When she came back she was the same little ball of positive energy and vitality that I fell in love with. About a week after she got back Fireman got back in touch, saying how sorry he was for missing her trip and how much of an idiot he felt for forgetting to reply to her, etc, etc. Now I suspect that he wasn't that interested in L, but just didn't have the balls to tell her. This is a man that obviously does very well for himself in the hotwife scene and has a long line of women that will do anything he wants. Maybe he just didn't want the slower pace of a new hotwife like L that is just learning to open up sexually. At any rate, I have no respect for a guy that can't just openly say he isn't interested. And it's a testament to how much healing that L had done that this didn't phase her in the slightest. We discussed it and decided that as a hotwife, we wouldn't waste her time on anyone that wasn't 100% openly enthusiastic about meeting her. She took this journey to improve her confidence and wouldn't waste time on chasing men, they should be chasing her. Easy decision, blocked.

That was a couple of months ago now and all has been quiet on the hotwifing front. We've spent much more time focusing on our relationship, time and energy well spent. We're closer than ever. L always engages in dirty talk during sex, she talks about how much she wants to be fucked by other men and how she likes making me jealous, those sorts of things And even outside of the bedroom she is completely comfortable in her knowledge that she can fuck and experiment if she wants to, she has really taken it to heart now. I think she will always be a hotwife in her heart. Most, if not all, of the verified hotwives on this site say "Once a woman makes the change in the way she views herself and her sexual freedom, there isn't really going back on it because it changes the way they see themselves at a fundamental level." I believe that now to be 100% accurate, L has completely changed the way she sees her sexual freedom.

Currently we're not actively engaging with anybody, though aren't against it. Nobody has presented themselves in L's life that would make her interested in exploring anything with them. However this certainly isn't the end of our journey, it's definitely the beginning. We have both learned some lessons about emotional intimacy and the levels to which we're comfortable engaging. I don't expect, or at least I hope, the next guy she decides to hook up with will trigger such a deep emotional response at the end of the relationship. I hope she keeps her feelings on a little bit more of a tight rein. I certainly don't want her falling into such a deep depression again over something that can be avoided, but maybe that's part of the game we play?

This has been a pretty long update, so I'll leave it there. More than happy to hear any advice or feedback from those that have any and sorry it's not the high octane sexual erotica that I know gets the blood pumping

[FNQLivin]

Thanks for the update.

[skoot1958]

Thanks for the update, it is not all about the hot sex, the journey can be more interesting, well for me anyway, understanding someone through process and what drives them, has L considered a couple, L being the unicorn or considered a girl friend as a way of exploring her new sexual freedom

[venus-can99]

Thanks for the update MLO. Love the new confidence L has found and great to hear she sticks to her standards…

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Thanks for the update MLO. Love the new confidence L has found and great to hear she sticks to her standards…

Thanks for the update.

Thanks for dropping by! She is certainly more confident than she was and is learning what she wants from her affairs One this we have always said to each other is that there is no point engaging in this activity and taking these risks, managed as they are, for her to be spending her precious time with mediocre men. So she has pretty high standards and is definitely sticking to them.

Thanks for the update, it is not all about the hot sex, the journey can be more interesting, well for me anyway, understanding someone through process and what drives them, has L considered a couple, L being the unicorn or considered a girlfriend as a way of exploring her new sexual freedom

The short answer is no. However, I think she does have at least some interest in women, though she never admits it. She has said on more than one occasion, "What if I am a lesbian?" To which I usually answer, "Well, are you attracted to other girls?" She will always deny it. She has asked this question enough times over the years to make me pretty sure she is curious about being with a woman though. I don't expect anything like that to happen any time soon, though who knows if the right person or people come along.

[Long Lurker 34]

Thanks for the update MLO. Love the new confidence L has found and great to hear she sticks to her standards…

Thanks for the update.

Thanks for dropping by! She is certainly more confident than she was and is learning what she wants from her affairs One this we have always said to each other is that there is no point engaging in this activity and taking these risks, managed as they are, for her to be spending her precious time with mediocre men. So she has pretty high standards and is definitely sticking to them.

Thanks for the update, it is not all about the hot sex, the journey can be more interesting, well for me anyway, understanding someone through process and what drives them, has L considered a couple, L being the unicorn or considered a girlfriend as a way of exploring her new sexual freedom

The short answer is no. However, I think she does have at least some interest in women, though she never admits it. She has said on more than one occasion, "What if I am a lesbian?" To which I usually answer, "Well, are you attracted to other girls?" She will always deny it. She has asked this question enough times over the years to make me pretty sure she is curious about being with a woman though. I don't expect anything like that to happen any time soon, though who knows if the right person or people come along.

MLO
- Has she considered looking for a 'Sugar Daddy' at all? Making use of a guy with cash to spend. I don't mean doing it for the money, but for the experiences, with him, that a well healed guy can provide.
- With skoot on this.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

MLO
- Has she considered looking for a 'Sugar Daddy' at all? Making use of a guy with cash to spend. I don't mean doing it for the money, but for the experiences, with him, that a well healed guy can provide.
- With skoot on this.

She actually has joked about this on a few occasions. I am sure she would be open to it, however she also isn't going to go seek it out.
This is actually quite a common theme. L is open to a lot, but isn't interested in investing the time and energy to actively seek out men.
That's fine and I'm not going to push her to do that, I just think it's interesting. She seems to want proactive, confident men to come to her but obviously isn't giving off the right signals, as it's not happening. I'm actually mystified by how many women on this site seem to have a never-ending stream of confident men propositioning them every time they step out of the door.

[Long Lurker 34]

MLO
- Has she considered looking for a 'Sugar Daddy' at all? Making use of a guy with cash to spend. I don't mean doing it for the money, but for the experiences, with him, that a well healed guy can provide.
- With skoot on this.

She actually has joked about this on a few occasions. I am sure she would be open to it, however she also isn't going to go seek it out.
This is actually quite a common theme. L is open to a lot, but isn't interested in investing the time and energy to actively seek out men.
That's fine and I'm not going to push her to do that, I just think it's interesting. She seems to want proactive, confident men to come to her but obviously isn't giving off the right signals, as it's not happening. I'm actually mystified by how many women on this site seem to have a never-ending stream of confident men propositioning them every time they step out of the door.

MLO
- In"real" life I would say this is true for a lot of women, somehow they just expect men to sense what a particular woman wants. And then of course with all the 'outting' of guys in various manners a guy may sense something from a woman but just won't take that first step because of that possibility. So I think L will have to put off a few more 'positive vibes' to offer a whiff of encouragement to any prospect.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Hi folks, it's been a few months.

After a long period of connecting as a couple and really focusing on ourselves, my wife has surprised me with the fact that she is in the process of setting up a date.

I really didn't expect her to be interested in finding a lover until we moved over to Australia next year, but apparently, she feels she is ready to jump back in and have some fun. We had a little bit of a chat about her spiral after her previous 'break up' and what she felt happened to send her into such a negative frame of mind after that event, and what she sees going differently this time.

Long story short - she went in last time blind and without any boundaries. So she got far too attached to the guy. He was also very unclear with what he wanted and what he could give, constantly flip flopping between having boundaries and then connecting with her emotionally. The constant back and forth triggered some attachment anxiety L has from her childhood. Abandonment issues essentially. She has done a fair amount of work to understand herself and work on some of those issues, plus reading up about attachment theory, and now feels she is in a much better frame of mind.

In regard to what she would do differently this time. L has decided that she wants clear boundaries established early and that if the guys cannot meet her where she feels comfortable, then she won't be breaking her boundaries for the sake of the guy. So I'm hopeful that if she maintains her boundaries then when they inevitably end their relationship she won't spiral into another deep depression.

The guy she is meeting is a Spanish personal trainer. I've read a couple of their conversations and he seems like a normal guy, no red flags that I could see yet.

We had a discussion around when and if she should tell him that she is married, and whether she should let him know that I know about their dating.

I'm of the opinion that she should tell him, it will help to establish her boundaries, but I'm in two minds about whether she should tell him I know.

I'd love to hear from you all about what you think would be a good approach here. The last guys knew as we met in a hotwife environment, so this is new territory for us.

Hope you're all well and thanks for reading! As always any and all advice is appreciated!

[Long Lurker 34]

MLO
- Good to see you back.
- Glad L has worked through the situational issues that were bothering her.
- I do hope this date goes very well.

[coastalkid]

From your last update it seems that there are hopeful signs. She recognized her need for "connection" had issues. Clearly she was motivated to the point that she wanted another shot at it, that speaks to her desire. She obviously had some fun she wants to have again, at a minimum, thinks of fondly!

The thing that stands in the way is that she's worried about divulging that she just wants to fuck and her husband is cool with it. That alone was probably tough for her to work out. She probably thinks it's too much for someone else to wrap their head around and that it's better to hide amongst the cheaters! It's the path of least resistance. She may not be ready to say, "Yeah, I do it with my husband's blessing and encouragement!"

It would be ideal if it was your way. He knows and it's all understood. Your wife may have become a hot wife already but she may not be fully relaxed/settled into it because she still has some personal issues that aren't all worked out in her head. Otherwise it would be a non issue. If they can't handle it, move on, right?

Just supposition on my part. I could WAY off!

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

MLO
- Good to see you back.
- Glad L has worked through the situational issues that were bothering her.
- I do hope this date goes very well.

Thank you. It'll be interesting watching this develop

From your last update it seems that there are hopeful signs. She recognized her need for "connection" had issues. Clearly she was motivated to the point that she wanted another shot at it, that speaks to her desire. She obviously had some fun she wants to have again, at a minimum, thinks of fondly!

The thing that stands in the way is that she's worried about divulging that she just wants to fuck and her husband is cool with it. That alone was probably tough for her to work out. She probably thinks it's too much for someone else to wrap their head around and that it's better to hide amongst the cheaters! It's the path of least resistance. She may not be ready to say, "Yeah, I do it with my husband's blessing and encouragement!"

It would be ideal if it was your way. He knows and it's all understood. Your wife may have become a hot wife already but she may not be fully relaxed/settled into it because she still has some personal issues that aren't all worked out in her head. Otherwise it would be a non issue. If they can't handle it, move on, right?

Just supposition on my part. I could WAY off!

I think you're correct, the best way to go about it would be complete honesty. That's most fair for everyone involved.
She still needs some connection to really feel comfortable and enjoy having sex with someone. L's experience in the LS clubs taught her that. The issue will be establishing how much of a connection she wants to develop. We've discussed that boundaries are important. They protect her, and they protect our relationship. What L hasn't established yet is exactly where the limits of those boundaries are. I guess that those will be established with her coming experiences.

So as it turns out she has had quite a lot of matches on her chosen apps. That doesn't surprise me, a petite, young Asian beauty like her is bound to attract a lot of attention. Though as she is my wife, I'm probably biased The initial guy isn't getting a date quite yet, he is apparently away for a few days. So she has scheduled a date with another guy for Sunday. They are going for coffee. A safe choice for a first date. She won't be jumping straight into bed with him, L doesn't play that way. Her dates will have to earn their way into her pants

[Long Lurker 34]

MLO
- Good to see you back.
- Glad L has worked through the situational issues that were bothering her.
- I do hope this date goes very well.

Thank you. It'll be interesting watching this develop

From your last update it seems that there are hopeful signs. She recognized her need for "connection" had issues. Clearly she was motivated to the point that she wanted another shot at it, that speaks to her desire. She obviously had some fun she wants to have again, at a minimum, thinks of fondly!

The thing that stands in the way is that she's worried about divulging that she just wants to fuck and her husband is cool with it. That alone was probably tough for her to work out. She probably thinks it's too much for someone else to wrap their head around and that it's better to hide amongst the cheaters! It's the path of least resistance. She may not be ready to say, "Yeah, I do it with my husband's blessing and encouragement!"

It would be ideal if it was your way. He knows and it's all understood. Your wife may have become a hot wife already but she may not be fully relaxed/settled into it because she still has some personal issues that aren't all worked out in her head. Otherwise it would be a non issue. If they can't handle it, move on, right?

Just supposition on my part. I could WAY off!

I think you're correct, the best way to go about it would be complete honesty. That's most fair for everyone involved.
She still needs some connection to really feel comfortable and enjoy having sex with someone. L's experience in the LS clubs taught her that. The issue will be establishing how much of a connection she wants to develop. We've discussed that boundaries are important. They protect her, and they protect our relationship. What L hasn't established yet is exactly where the limits of those boundaries are. I guess that those will be established with her coming experiences.

So as it turns out she has had quite a lot of matches on her chosen apps. That doesn't surprise me, a petite, young Asian beauty like her is bound to attract a lot of attention. Though as she is my wife, I'm probably biased The initial guy isn't getting a date quite yet, he is apparently away for a few days. So she has scheduled a date with another guy for Sunday. They are going for coffee. A safe choice for a first date. She won't be jumping straight into bed with him, L doesn't play that way. Her dates will have to earn their way into her pants

MLO
- Would it be fair to say L is looking for a "emotional connection",though emphasizing the physical side of sex, but doesn't want things to slide into a GF/BF sort of arrangement?

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

MLO
- Would it be fair to say L is looking for a "emotional connection",though emphasizing the physical side of sex, but doesn't want things to slide into a GF/BF sort of arrangement?

I would say L definitely needs a connection. I wouldn't necessarily describe it as 'emotional' per se, however I suppose you might be able to characterise all connections as emotional to one degree or another.

From what I've gathered from our conversations over the last few days, she is looking for some fun. Nothing long-term, and certainly not someone that could be described as a BF. She isn't going to be deep diving into her feelings like she did with Pierre. Famous last words?

She seems to have a bit of a roster going at the moment, so she has put her active profile on pause while she sorts out which of these guys she will be going forward with. I suspect she will at least go on dates with a couple of them. They range from deeper more intellectual, to light and flirty. So I think she is keeping her options open on what she really wants at this stage.

I think she has 2 dates lined up currently, with 1 more on the horizon.

Guy # 1 - coffee on Sunday
Guy # 2 - ice cream on Tuesday evening
Guy # 3 - currently away, back next week. Date to be confirmed.

Anyone want to take bets on how long it takes her to jump into bed with someone?
I would generally say it's unlikely she will at all, but I'm surprised by how quickly she's taken this up and how open she is to even meeting up with anyone. I'm not sure exactly what's changed, but something sure has.