Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[wannabecUKold]

She had clearly been reading up about cuckolding and hence bought the cage and the dildo. I think they were used for fun and yes to show her domme side and anon’s slight sub side. It helps her to get him where she - and he - would like him to be.

That said, in order to get this to work with best friend, anon’s mindset should be more stag than cuckold. It should be lighthearted. “The sun is shining, we’re all horny, let’s get naked. My girl wants you to fuck her. I’m ok with that. Just keep it sex only. Let’s have a threesome. I want to watch. Don’t be a prude. Push the boundaries.”

[anondesires]

In my opinion, you need to set boundaries for her. I highly recommend that you stop sucking on the dildo and stop letting her peg you. You need to show her that she can't just do anything. Part of her desire for you resides on the fact that you are man enough to set limits on her. If you fail to do that, she may lose any sexual desire she still has for you. And in that case, you will be relying solely on her "love" for you, which is a bit risky.

You even stated in a previous post:

"I don't think I mind so much doing it on a dildo just for her to get turned on by, it seems harmless enough and an easy way to turn her on a lot".

It's a big mistake to believe it's that harmless. You sucking on a vibrator in front of her makes her perceive you differently. If you don't mind, that's fine, but it's not as harmless as you think.

This is what I suspected and what I'm afraid of. The pegging only happened once, neither of us liked it, it was a bit of a misunderstanding. I didn't let her per say, I was tied up, didn't think she'd do it and forgot about the safe word.

The dildo sucking is tricky though, it really turns her on but I can almost feel her respect for me diminish as we do it. Also, despite what she says now, she's surely going to want to pressure me to do it for real some day?

[monraccoon]

do you think that there’s a trajectory underlaying your adventure towards feminization? is there some part of yourself that you’ve been suppressing to which she may instinctively be attuning? could she be keying into this part of you and helping you to bring it to the surface?

[knight4princess]

My 2 cents:

Try to do everything with her in this endeavor. Go to meets with prospective guys, read conversations if she invites you to. In short, make yourself part of her team. That way you can be there to monitor the pulse of the entire situation. Don't feel shame. You should be proud that you are open enough to allow this and proud that she is sexy enough and open enough to engage in this "team sport."

My wife probably looked at me differently after she watched me suck a cock for the first time years ago. But I know now that she saw me as sexier and absolutely amazing that I could get in to one of her hottest fantasies -- watching men play a bit as part of pleasing her.

[anondesires]

do you think that there’s a trajectory underlaying your adventure towards feminization? is there some part of yourself that you’ve been suppressing to which she may instinctively be attuning? could she be keying into this part of you and helping you to bring it to the surface?

Feminization, no. I don't consider anything we've done to be feminization.

I think I've never felt worthy of a woman of her beauty. Whenever I've looked at her, my underlying urge has been to eat her pussy. I enjoy that I can do that now instead of it being discouraged and trying to do other things like dominate her.

If you're referring to the dildo sucking, I still don't understand what's at play. I guess I do have some fascination with big dicks but I feel a degree of dislike/jealousy towards guys that have them because they just lucked into being born that way and can wield these dicks and women will worship them for it.

[anondesires]

My 2 cents:

Try to do everything with her in this endeavor. Go to meets with prospective guys, read conversations if she invites you to. In short, make yourself part of her team. That way you can be there to monitor the pulse of the entire situation. Don't feel shame. You should be proud that you are open enough to allow this and proud that she is sexy enough and open enough to engage in this "team sport."

My wife probably looked at me differently after she watched me suck a cock for the first time years ago. But I know now that she saw me as sexier and absolutely amazing that I could get in to one of her hottest fantasies -- watching men play a bit as part of pleasing her.

This makes sense to me. I'd say that the making out and dildo sucking sessions we've done felt like a "team sport". We're both turning each other on and sharing a moment together. I think we've both been trying to do everything together where possible now whereas we've both come from a place of having secrets. I feel like her secrets now are whatever she's been reading about and her ambitions/motivations. The things she bought from a sex shop the other day for example, she won't tell me everything she bought or even show me but I put this down to her learning to be dominant and secrets/surprises being an erotic part of that.

[Bluetoed]

If you're referring to the dildo sucking, I still don't understand what's at play. I guess I do have some fascination with big dicks but I feel a degree of dislike/jealousy towards guys that have them because they just lucked into being born that way and can wield these dicks and women will worship them for it.

Things people were born with tend to result in them being weaker as an overall person. For example, a person who works their ass off to earn money is typically more liked by everyone else, and especially their significant other, than a person that was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. People that are born blind or deaf are able to use their other four senses much better than everyone else. Your lack of size is what has made you into the person she loves.

One way to look at it is that their big dicks are just wealth they've inherited. Would you have any issue with your wife using a man to spend his money lavishly on her, knowing that she would never be happy being married to a nepo baby, and that she loves you because of how hard you work to please her?

Would I like to have born with a huge dick? It's easy to say yes, just as it's easy to say I would have liked to have been born rich. But I wouldn't be the same person I am now if either of those were true.

[joel68]

Watchinu69,

I agree. He needs to get his friend to fuck her!

[knight4princess]

Redacted by mod

Oh come on! It has now been 45 days since his initial post here. And he has moved from being troubled by cuckold fantasies to looking at it actually happening. During that time he has been looking for support -- not simply whining. Maybe some of us would move a little faster than he is. But others are only hoping to be in his position some day.

For me and my wife, it took about 15 years to evolve from a vanilla newlywed couple to a swing / hotwife lifestyle. It took another 20 years before we moved fully into a hotwife/cuck arrangement. Sometimes things like this take TIME. I think he's doing pretty well, letting things move at their own pace, and getting the support he needs.

[elina]

Redacted by mod

Oh come on! It has now been 45 days since his initial post here. And he has moved from being troubled by cuckold fantasies to looking at it actually happening. During that time he has been looking for support -- not simply whining. Maybe some of us would move a little faster than he is. But others are only hoping to be in his position some day.

For me and my wife, it took about 15 years to evolve from a vanilla newlywed couple to a swing / hotwife lifestyle. It took another 20 years before we moved fully into a hotwife/cuck arrangement. Sometimes things like this take TIME. I think he's doing pretty well, letting things move at their own pace, and getting the support he needs.

Completely agree!!

And also, please remember that it is not just the OP who is developing here,
His Girlfriend is also new to the idea of cuckolding and only discovered the concept from the OP suddenly not being able to perform as usual because his mind kept focuing him on the inferiority he felt when his Girlfriend was flirting with his big cocked friend.

They are evolving together and deserves to move forward at the pace which works for BOTH of them.

We are privileged to learn along with them as they evolve. The OP has said he appreciates comments and suggestions, but lets make sure we respect their space and don't push them to move forward just because someone thinks 17 pages is to muc.

Sincerely
elina

[hubudig2]

Things people were born with tend to result in them being weaker as an overall person. For example, a person who works their ass off to earn money is typically more liked by everyone else, and especially their significant other, than a person that was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. People that are born blind or deaf are able to use their other four senses much better than everyone else. Your lack of size is what has made you into the person she loves.

I was thinking about this and it's probably true for me in that I've never been to a gym, I never buy anything expensive to show off, I haven't worked on having an outgoing charismatic personality, I generally never draw attention to myself, I've never felt the need.
Put me on Tinder and I won't get many matches.
Put me in a nightclub and I won't meet many girls.
My strengths have always been confidence, psychology, listening and fucking.
In my late teens and early 20s, I had a reputation for having a big dick and being a good fuck, that's all I needed so I didn't work on the other things.

[hubudig2]

If you're referring to the dildo sucking, I still don't understand what's at play. I guess I do have some fascination with big dicks but I feel a degree of dislike/jealousy towards guys that have them because they just lucked into being born that way and can wield these dicks and women will worship them for it.

I know I'm biased but wouldn't it be boring if everyone had the same sized dick?
I find it hot and fun to consider that everyone has a sexual role they were born into and can't doing anything about.
Don't hate a guy because he was born with a big dick, he can't change that, some guys on here have big dicks and wish they had a small dick.
I do really love the effect my dick has on some women and cucks though, it's such a turn on.
Sometimes my wife will tell me that she doesn't just love me for my dick, (if we're having sex) I'll tell her to say the opposite, it's hotter.

[elina]

Dear Anondesires.

I hope you and your Girlfriend are both doing well.

Looking forward to hear from you again regardless if something did or did not happen this weekend.

Sincerely
elina

[user322]

hello
all it's good for you ?

[KevKevKev]

It's always disconcerting when someone goes from posting all the time to not posting at all. Especially if it's early on in the cucking relationship. I hope I'm wrong and Anon has good news for us.

[venus-can99]

Annondesires hope everything is well and you and your gf are doing well

[parheliam]

Maybe someone can send him a PM just ti check if everything is ok?

[elina]

Maybe someone can send him a PM just ti check if everything is ok?

I did that earlier today. No response yet but it may be too early

Unfortunately, his profile no longer shows his last login date, not sure what that means on this site, or if it means anything at all.

BR
elina

[anondesires]

Sorry, there are a few toxic people on this forum and that put me off posting (I don't enjoy writing anyway) and then I got too far behind and gave up with it. I've since realised that it's a bit selfish of me to completely stop posting. It was actually seeing that all 3 of parheliam's posts being on this topic that made me realise that. I then realised that I hadn't actually seen his posts, I guess because they don't show up for a while when you're new and people were posting quite fast.

Everything's fine with us, nothing to worry about. Going back to where I left off... That Thursday we went to meet with the guy she had arranged to meet at a coffee shop. From the advice on here, I decided to go with her. We sat at a corner table, us on adjacent sides to each other so it wouldn't feel like an interview. I think we were both nervous but got less nervous as time passed until we realised that he wasn't coming. She messaged him but got no reply. We were there for an hour or so and gave up, she hasn't heard from him since. This bad experience seemed to make her more determined.

I'm not sure why but even though this is fairly anonymous, I don't feel like explaining what happened next. I guess because until now I've been looking for advice and help from people who have gone through similar experiences. I feel like I've weaned myself off of that and I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who has offered guidance along the way. I guess telling what happened next would be about giving back to those who have helped but I would probably just get abuse from others too.

I'm open to suggestions but I'd probably prefer to leave it there.

Thanks

[joel68]

A lot if flakes out there. I has happened to a lot of guys on here. Nothing new.

But I am sure everyone would want to hear more of your story. Please continue.

[Midnight Joker]

Sorry, there are a few toxic people on this forum and that put me off posting

While I'm sure there are simply trolls on this site, others live their lives though your words and they get scared. They see what happens with you and despite their wanting to be cucks it terrifies them inside. Please block/report them. There are many here, including myself, who want to hear your story and appreciate your taking the time to tell us about your adventures.

[venus-can99]

Anondesires - I do count myself among those who would like to hear more about your adventures. But it is your thread and your decision on how comfortable you are sharing them with the readers. As many have pointed out, in terms of advice, YMMV. Thanks again for sharing the start of your journey, the angst, the elation, the disappointments so far. Best wishes on wherever this journey takes both of you.

[raoulduke]

Sorry, there are a few toxic people on this forum and that put me off posting (I don't enjoy writing anyway) and then I got too far behind and gave up with it. I've since realised that it's a bit selfish of me to completely stop posting. It was actually seeing that all 3 of parheliam's posts being on this topic that made me realise that. I then realised that I hadn't actually seen his posts, I guess because they don't show up for a while when you're new and people were posting quite fast.

Everything's fine with us, nothing to worry about. Going back to where I left off... That Thursday we went to meet with the guy she had arranged to meet at a coffee shop. From the advice on here, I decided to go with her. We sat at a corner table, us on adjacent sides to each other so it wouldn't feel like an interview. I think we were both nervous but got less nervous as time passed until we realised that he wasn't coming. She messaged him but got no reply. We were there for an hour or so and gave up, she hasn't heard from him since. This bad experience seemed to make her more determined.

I'm not sure why but even though this is fairly anonymous, I don't feel like explaining what happened next. I guess because until now I've been looking for advice and help from people who have gone through similar experiences. I feel like I've weaned myself off of that and I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who has offered guidance along the way. I guess telling what happened next would be about giving back to those who have helped but I would probably just get abuse from others too.

I'm open to suggestions but I'd probably prefer to leave it there.

Thanks

Sorry to hear that the abuse has negatively affected you. One thing about this community is that there are people who are unwell who don't have a sense of perspective to see where they are veering into unhealthy territory, it's something I struggle with myself. What's part of my sexual identity and what's feeding into unhealthy thought patterns?

When you say you've "weaned" yourself, do you mean from needing advice from the community here, or something else? I do think it's helpful to talk these things out. One helpful way of thinking about the posts from people is: does this person care about my well-being and is offering advice, or are they feeding their own addictions and offering nothing but judgments? Anything you're doing should help in all parties' self-realization, anything else should be discarded.

[anondesires]

When you say you've "weaned" yourself, do you mean from needing advice from the community here, or something else?

Mostly from needing advice. I felt lost, from when I started getting these fantasies until very recently when it's gotten easier. I think I was posting everything I thought and felt in the hope that people would say that they've been through the exact same thing and to do these things but avoid those things.

I do think it's helpful to talk these things out. One helpful way of thinking about the posts from people is: does this person care about my well-being and is offering advice, or are they feeding their own addictions and offering nothing but judgments? Anything you're doing should help in all parties' self-realization, anything else should be discarded.

There have obviously been people that want my situation to turn into something that's erotic for them to think about. There have been people that seem to have my best interests in mind but it's not that black and white. I get it, it's normal. I'm sure even people that have warned me not to get into this may have secretly hoped I don't listen and do it anyway, it's the nature of this forum after all.

[raoulduke]

That makes sense. Selfishly, I've enjoyed following your story and find it hot. I'd certainly appreciate hearing more from you, but I get that it can be burdensome. Maybe I should post my own story on here sometime to see the other side...