First small attempt was a disaster

[brisfun1980]

Hi all.

I'm sad to report our first attempt was an absolute dumpster fire of a disaster. For the sake of length, here is the summary of us;

44M, 43F, together 24 years, married 17 years, brought up hotwifing about 7-8 years ago and now at a point where my wife is excited about taking the next step.

After many discussions and all of the ups and downs, my wife was really getting on board these last few months. Role play in the bedroom kicked up a massive amount, her dirty talk about taking another guy was at another level and after many out of bedroom conversations she said she was interested in meeting a guy.

I went on to a swingers website primarily used in Ireland, created the profile, started chatting to guys, got bombarded by hundreds of messages and eventually ended up with a few profiles and she chose one in particular. My wife is a little particular about the meet and felt like a 1-on-1 at a cafe or bar would be really awkard if we didn't gel, so she said to organise to meet him at one of the regular social events one of the local groups organise.

I picked the date (yesterday the 13th), kept messaging the guy and over ~3 weeks or so got a really good vibe off him. We did the pic exchange, he was really keen to meet and so we agreed to meet at the social yesterday. If it didn't work out with him, my wife and I figured there would be other couples and single guys to mingle with so it wouldn't be a wasted night. She was really keen, more keen than I've ever seen her before, to take her first steps - so much that she got in the mood by masturbating in the afternoon while having a bath, something she rarely does.

We talked on the way in, excitement was building, she was mentioning this 3rd guy and then we got to the venue. What was labelled as a bar forgot to include it was dingy and seedy as fuck. We'd driven the hour to get here and didn't want to waste the time so we went in. What was in the bar was probably the least social event I've ever been to. Maybe 2 couples and 5-6 single guys, nobody mingling, no greeting, not even a hello and welcome from the bar staff - it's worth noting that the bar IS specifically for swinger social meets and greets and is a regular Sunday event.

The event also neglected to mention that their "smart casual" dress code seemed to be optional and we were well and truly out of place. We dressed to impressed like we were going to a decent cocktail or wine bar, and everyone else was in t-shirt and shorts. We had a quick word, decided we can suffer through it to meet up with our 3rd who we planned to meet at 7. We got there at 6.45 and we waited until 7.30 and then figured he was a no show. Well not only that, he deleted his profile off the site.

Surprisingly my wife is handling it really well, saying we just picked the wrong event, the wrong day, there'll be another attempt and so on. I expected her to say "fuck this" at the slightest upset so I'm surprised at her reaction. Me? I am completely gutted and despondent about any future attempts. I saw yesterdays social as the first step that meets both of our criteria and now that it's nothing like what was expected, I can't see any way forward for her.

She doesn't want to meet 1-on-1, she wants a social meet first but there doesn't seem to be any (for lack of a better word) worthy of going to. I had high hopes of course, but it fell so far below expectations that I question if it's worth doing anything at all now.

Would love to hear your thoughts..

[milehinbi]

Welcome to the forum and hang in there. It's not near as bad as a disappointing start has you convinced. First off, your woman's on board so you're 90% further ahead than most of the guys here. Second, if you read here enough, you'll discover that you are definitely not alone in having your third flake out on you. Happens all the time. Time to adapt, improvise and overcome. Chat with your honey and figure out what's a workable alternative. Maybe just go out to a nicer pub or disco (do they still call them discos ) and have fun, let her dance and be flirty. Surely she will gather some suitors. Women always do. Play it by ear and even if you don't meet a good match right off, surely you'll end up with some hot moments to rev both your engines until you do connect.

[brisfun1980]

Welcome to the forum and hang in there. It's not near as bad as a disappointing start has you convinced. First off, your woman's on board so you're 90% further ahead than most of the guys here. Second, if you read here enough, you'll discover that you are definitely not alone in having your third flake out on you. Happens all the time. Time to adapt, improvise and overcome. Chat with your honey and figure out what's a workable alternative. Maybe just go out to a nicer pub or disco (do they still call them discos ) and have fun, let her dance and be flirty. Surely she will gather some suitors. Women always do. Play it by ear and even if you don't meet a good match right off, surely you'll end up with some hot moments to rev both your engines until you do connect.

Thanks! I know I should hang in there and knew about how flaky 3rds can be, plus as you said the wife is still keen to try again. I should accept that as a win, but it just feels like there's no next step as Ireland is pretty shit when it comes to clubs and events. We're ~1hr from Dublin so it's a considerable amount of time & effort with sitters, driving, getting a night off, etc to go into town without having a sure thing lined up.

Plus she hates to flirt and dance so going to a bar or disco would be hell for her

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

Not a disaster at all in my opinion, just strike one to use a baseball analogy. Keep trying it will happen as your wife seems 100% on board.

[Wantsomefunto]

Find a guy and set it up as quick as you can, seems she is ready, don’t let her change her mind

[milehinbi]

Thanks! I know I should hang in there and knew about how flaky 3rds can be, plus as you said the wife is still keen to try again. I should accept that as a win, but it just feels like there's no next step as Ireland is pretty shit when it comes to clubs and events. We're ~1hr from Dublin so it's a considerable amount of time & effort with sitters, driving, getting a night off, etc to go into town without having a sure thing lined up.

Plus she hates to flirt and dance so going to a bar or disco would be hell for her

Well one thing is true all around the world. Men are horny and looking to fuck. Just a matter of connecting with the right one(s). Maybe personal ads here or elsewhere. Google Hotwives Ireland and see if any resources pop up or possibly join a site like Adult Friend Finder or similar. Guarantee you there's someone out there who would love to entertain your woman for you. Hehe, see Connor MacGregor's penis is in the news today. Maybe you could bump into him at his pub.

[wulfenus]

Yes as others have noted, hope it gets better, and realize with your wife working with you, you're in a really hot situation !

[bbarnsworth]

Brisfun, sorry this was a let down in more ways than one. A few things...

Swinger events run the gammut of types. Some are seedy as you saw, some are middle of the road, some are higher class sorts of affairs. There's no one type of event that applies to all of them. See if you can try another, and move on.

I agree with others; the guy flaking out on you is hardly surprising. It's happened to my wife a couple of times. I don't want to say it's "normal" for this to happen. It's not. But, it does happen from time to time.

I agree with others above; take your wife to a nice club that is more upscale, had some dancing, and let her have some flirty fun.

I realize it's a lot of work to make this happen. But trust me, it's really...REALLY...worth it. Your wife seems keen on doing this, and as milehinbi said, you're 90% ahead of many guys on this "wannabe" forum. I'm not a wannabe, but I follow this subforum in the hopes of helping wannabes. My wife and I first got into this more than 15 years ago. There's been some flakes along the way, but its absolutely been worth it. She's had some fantastic men along the way, gotten some great sex, and had an absolute blast. It's really magnified the closeness of our marriage and love, and I'm ever so glad we went down this path.

So, sit back, take a breath, and then move forward. There will be other guys, other opportunities.

One tip to help avoid flakes if you try setting things up online; move to meeting in person sooner rather than later. This will usually sort out the flakes and result in less time wasting. If you can't get both of you away to meet the guy, then just you go and meet with the guy. That might seem strange, but it isn't. You're helping your wife sort out the guys who aren't worth the time, you'll want to be happy with any guy your wife might bed, and you're helping her not waste precious nights out together meeting guys that are duds.

[brisfun1980]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I got swamped with work and only got back to reading through this thread now.

Good news is the wife is still keen and is interested in a 1-on-1 now that the social event was a bit of a disaster. All is seemingly well even if our first attempt didn't go the way anyone planned.