Feelings

[GreekHWcpl]

Hello to every one, the question is: how do you understand that a hot wife falls in love with her bull, which signs you saw, and how you handled it?

[BT2]

It has never happened to us in several decades, so I can't really answer your question.

You read on this forum that the hotwife experience MUST be a shared experience between husband and wife. It is also said on this forum that entering into hotwife activities is NOT an answer to a shaky marriage. I suppose when privacy and sex are mixed into the situation that bad results can happen, but it has also been said on this forum that people with a very bad hotwife experience no longer frequent this forum.

The above seems like good advice if the damage hasn't already occurred. Sorry, but I can't answer your question. Sounds like the damage has already been done.

[Coolcalm]

Has it happened to you? What’s the story?

[bbarnsworth]

My wife and I went into this expecting that if she were to have regulars, there'd be a fair chance she'd fall in love with them. We discussed that thoroughly before going into it. My wife's had many lovers, but just two boyfriends whom she dated for years. In both cases, she did develop feelings of love for them. It's kind of hard not to.

So how did we handle it? We took it in stride. We both recognize that being 'in love' with someone isn't something that can only happen with one person at a time. We love our two parents. We love our kids. We love our siblings. There's lots of people whom we love where there are multiple people in that same category; friends, parents, siblings, children. Are you incapable of loving more than one child? One friend? One parent? One sibling? Why should be suddenly be impossible to be in love with more than one person at a time?

Our society doesn't teach us how to handle the concept of non-monagamous love, much less how to manage a non-monogamous relationship. It can take time to develop an understanding of it, and learn to embrace it as health.

Other than that, can you tell us more? It might help us to give you more specific answers.

[GreekHWcpl]

Nothing happened to us, i am just asking just because i want to know what to look for if its occures

[GreekHWcpl]

Just wondering wich precutions you take for not letting it happen

[masculinecuck]

IT happens just embrace it let your wife fulfill her desires.

[bradisalpha]

In my experience as a BF, love will happen. That is why it is important to include the cuckold husband in your times together to keep the relationship as a three-way and enjoy the relationship with each one “in their place”.

Any time a man is filling a woman with his cum, feelings escalate. It cannot be helped. What is important is how those feelings are distributed between the BF, wife and cuckold. A wife has the ability to love more than one person. It is important to separate that love… love for the BF and sex.. love for the cuckold and home and family.

Just sayin…

Brad

[bbarnsworth]

I don't think love has to happen the more you have sex with someone, but it's fairly like it will.

GreekHWcpl, there is the idea of "new relationship euphoria" that happens in any couple that gets together, whether it's a regular vanilla relationship or a hotwifing sort of thing. The first many times you have sex with someone, you feel over the moon happy about it, want to have sex with them as soon as possible again, and yearn to be physically with them. This isn't 'love', but it's often mistaken as love. There absolutely can be love in such a scenario, but the euphoria itself is not love.

If the hotwife has sex many times with a particular lover, she's bound to have some of that euphoria. It can be managed by understanding it's euphoria, and not love. She can enjoy the euphoria for the sexual excitement that it brings while understanding it's not love. After a few months, assuming she continues to have sex with him, that euphoria will wear off. Then, love might set in.

The question then is...

Are you fearing her loving someone else? If so, why? Not that it's wrong to fear that, but understanding WHY you fear it can go a long way to understanding it all.

From my wife's and my chair, her (or me) falling in love with someone has never been a threat. We're totally devoted to each other, and are happy for each other to find love with someone else because it makes us happy.

[Her number1]

Hello to every one, the question is: how do you understand that a hot wife falls in love with her bull, which signs you saw, and how you handled it?

Having your wife love her lover or boyfriend isn't or doesn't have to be a bad thing. If your marriage is secure and based on trust, it's not really a problem.
The fact that you asked about it is good. If you have concerns, talk about them with her. That is how you build trust.
I had your concerns years ago before I learned to talk to my wife, and then to trust her.

[Flavius]

Nothing happened to us, i am just asking just because i want to know what to look for if its occures

My wife once had developed feelings and at that time she was communicating more with her lover than with me. In many weeks she spent at least one night with her lover. When she left home for their dates she was quite excited and I had the impression she could not wait to leave. Messages during her absence were few and terse. She hardly asked how I felt.

There were no real signs this was going to happen. It went from just enjoying the fun to NRE without warning.

Just wondering wich precutions you take for not letting it happen

I reckon this is one of the 'dangers' you need to live with in all kinds of ENM. Nevertheless, I daresay it happens in ostensibly monogamous relationships as well.

Having your wife love her lover or boyfriend isn't or doesn't have to be a bad thing. If your marriage is secure and based on trust, it's not really a problem.
The fact that you asked about it is good. If you have concerns, talk about them with her. That is how you build trust.
I had your concerns years ago before I learned to talk to my wife, and then to trust her.

As per usual, Her number1 nailed it!

[bbarnsworth]

Something else my wife and I discussed before (and during) getting into this; if she found a guy with whom she really, really enjoyed having sex... why get rid of him because of fear of emotions developing? Also, if you find a guy you really, really enjoy having sex with him...more sex dates will mean that he learns what she needs, wants, and enjoys and the sex will get even better. Also, adding love into the sex improves the sex.

Thing is, I want my wife to have as much fun as possible while she's having sex with another man. I'm not worried about her developing emotions for him, because I know she'll keep right on loving me, and won't leave me for another man. If she enjoys sex with him, and is in love with him, then great! I'm sure she'll be having a GREAT time! The problem ISN'T my wife falling in love with another man. I welcome that because I know what impact it will and won't have on our relationship. The problem might be how her lover will act as he falls in love with her. That's the unpredictable part. In the case of the two boyfriends my wife has had, it hasn't been a problem. They've remained respectful, considerate, and caring. They didn't try to break us up or anything. Instead, the sex became more like making love and more enjoyable.

[NorthOpen]

When we first started dating and she admitted that she had cheated in her first marriage and had never felt monogamous, my initial response was that having sex with other men was cool with me, but she also indicated that she doesn't have sex with men she doesn't care about, so feelings would have to be part of the equation.

I had to sit with that for a few days, but then realized that if I was going to love her, then I had to love all of her, not just the parts that fit my view of the world.

[ferrisandrews]

I'd worry less about love and the feels and more about whether she begins to be secretive, withdraw or insist on time alone, etc. As unintuitive as it sounds, this is a lifestyle you experience as a couple. Keep that line of communication going and take on that support role. Make her feel like it's okay to want and lust after someone other than you because that's part of the thrill for both of you. Bulls are temporary by nature, enjoy him while he's around and enjoy getting her back when he's gone.

[nevertoolate]

In my experience as a BF, love will happen. That is why it is important to include the cuckold husband in your times together to keep the relationship as a three-way and enjoy the relationship with each one “in their place”.

Any time a man is filling a woman with his cum, feelings escalate. It cannot be helped. What is important is how those feelings are distributed between the BF, wife and cuckold. A wife has the ability to love more than one person. It is important to separate that love… love for the BF and sex.. love for the cuckold and home and family.

Just sayin…

Brad

None of us are machines. Feelings and bonding will happen to all parties. Women are phenomenal in their ability to love many.

[sana9889]

Hard for this not to happen. Especially if it is a steady kind of relationship, as opposed to a just hookups.

[BT2]

I have had a number of regulars when I was an fb. As a result there were two women that I grew to love very much. BUT, never in preference to my wife. With my wife it was a different deeper kind of love. With one of the women, who was also a girlfriend of my wife's, I used to tell her (and her to me) that I loved her "in a safe sort of way". It is true that I used to enjoy MFM threesomes with both women (they and my wife also did a bit of girl-on-girl), but I felt much freer to kiss them and to let myself go when I saw them solo.

My wife has told be from time to time that she preferred to see her regular fb on her own. I never asked why, but I have always believed it was for the same reasons I had.

[coastalkid]

Feelings in one way or another seem to be inevitable. It also seems to put a strain on things."Feelings" seem to be one of THE major stumbling blocks in a hotwife/cuckold relationship. Feelings clearly affect communication because it seems that those feelings become personal and not shared as willingly. When a husband wants to shut things down the news always seems to come as a surprise to the wife. She didn't know her husband felt that way.

This is just my observation from reading hundreds or more of posts here. In my observation the critical part always falls to the wife once she has become comfortable in her "new" situation. I know it sounds unfair but she's the one that has the most power to make things work or fail. She has to decide to care or ignore. She has control and consent so ultimately what she does or doesn't do affects any outcomes.

It's just as clear to me from reading as much here as I have that only a handful of wives are capable and wise enough to truly make it work. These wives that to do make it work are exceptional. They know they are blessed with a great opportunity and they understand how to keep their good thing going. Being able to control their "feelings" is just one of the many abilities a successful hotwife/cuckold wife needs.

[Redrider]

Given time they most definitely will catch feelings. How they process these feelings you can't control. Even the strongest of marriages in some cases don't survive this experiment. This isn't a question to take lightly. It happens and communication doesn't always protect this from happening. I can say from experience, that if she starts to go silent sharing her experiences, that is a real red flag. If they start to shelf responsibilities or family over meeting their sex partner that's another red flag. If their feelings for you start to change, that's another sign.
When you get into this lifestyle many men, over time, become complacent and this is when trouble can begin. Again, this isn't the same for everyone, but has been my experience. It takes a very special women to filter sex from love and possibly destroying a family. I'm not trying to be a downer but your question is extremely valid and there most definitely are potential dangers in this lifestyle.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Redrider.

[Restarting]

Feelings in one way or another seem to be inevitable. It also seems to put a strain on things."Feelings" seem to be one of THE major stumbling blocks in a hotwife/cuckold relationship. Feelings clearly affect communication because it seems that those feelings become personal and not shared as willingly. When a husband wants to shut things down the news always seems to come as a surprise to the wife. She didn't know her husband felt that way.

This is just my observation from reading hundreds or more of posts here. In my observation the critical part always falls to the wife once she has become comfortable in her "new" situation. I know it sounds unfair but she's the one that has the most power to make things work or fail. She has to decide to care or ignore. She has control and consent so ultimately what she does or doesn't do affects any outcomes.

It's just as clear to me from reading as much here as I have that only a handful of wives are capable and wise enough to truly make it work. These wives that to do make it work are exceptional. They know they are blessed with a great opportunity and they understand how to keep their good thing going. Being able to control their "feelings" is just one of the many abilities a successful hotwife/cuckold wife needs.

I always appreciate your inputs coastalkid and marvel at your perceptions. In this case I take issue, respectfully, with the concept of being able to control their feelings. In my thinking, controlling feelings makes little sense. If she enjoys feelings if they are offered to her, they can become part of the experience that need not and should not be denied. If the marital bond can be broken by having additional love in your spouse's life, I'd expect the marriage would have challenges anyway. How can you want less for the one you love? If anything, the concern should be for the other guy who might understandably want a more exclusive arrangement.

So, I think the onus is on the husband to have trust in his wife's ability to enjoy life to its fullest without selfish constraints.

[nnjcpl2002]

I believe, from our own experience, that a good woman is perfectly capable of loving two men at the same time. But this can, indeed, cause problems for the husband. It's not pure jealousy, it's fear of losing her, or at least hubby losing his position as her primary focus.

So, as a starting requirement, it takes a truly solid marriage to make a success of wife sharing. Also, when the sharing is always occurring out of husband's presence, his exclusion may certainly be a source of fear or dissatisfaction. Occasional exclusion of hubby can be hot, even with some degree of cuckold angst, but total exclusion may lead to problems and cause hubby to feel insecure. A loving wife will assure her husband of her loyalty and commitment to their marriage, even as another man cums into her life. Love for a third may be sexually hot, yes, maybe hotter than with hubby, but
love within a good marriage is shared within a full and comprehensive partnership. This will involve a meaningful history together, family ties, as well as shared economic interests. Perhaps the extra affair is sexually hotter because the other aforementioned factors are absent and so no complications at all?

Bottom line, a loving hot wife relationship can work very well if hubby feels he is not at risk of losing his beloved. Better that hubby is not made to feel totally excluded. He should be allowed in as a non-participant or a full participant at least some of the time, if not all the time. The needs of all parties in a three-way must be considered for an ongoing and successful relationship.

[coastalkid]

Feelings in one way or another seem to be inevitable. It also seems to put a strain on things."Feelings" seem to be one of THE major stumbling blocks in a hotwife/cuckold relationship. Feelings clearly affect communication because it seems that those feelings become personal and not shared as willingly. When a husband wants to shut things down the news always seems to come as a surprise to the wife. She didn't know her husband felt that way.

This is just my observation from reading hundreds or more of posts here. In my observation the critical part always falls to the wife once she has become comfortable in her "new" situation. I know it sounds unfair but she's the one that has the most power to make things work or fail. She has to decide to care or ignore. She has control and consent so ultimately what she does or doesn't do affects any outcomes.

It's just as clear to me from reading as much here as I have that only a handful of wives are capable and wise enough to truly make it work. These wives that to do make it work are exceptional. They know they are blessed with a great opportunity and they understand how to keep their good thing going. Being able to control their "feelings" is just one of the many abilities a successful hotwife/cuckold wife needs.

I always appreciate your inputs coastalkid and marvel at your perceptions. In this case I take issue, respectfully, with the concept of being able to control their feelings. In my thinking, controlling feelings makes little sense. If she enjoys feelings if they are offered to her, they can become part of the experience that need not and should not be denied. If the marital bond can be broken by having additional love in your spouse's life, I'd expect the marriage would have challenges anyway. How can you want less for the one you love? If anything, the concern should be for the other guy who might understandably want a more exclusive arrangement.

So, I think the onus is on the husband to have trust in his wife's ability to enjoy life to its fullest without selfish constraints.

Thanks for the kind words, sincerely! I have no problem at all with your taking exception to the "controlling their feelings" notion. I can see that way I expressed that was too broad of a statement. As somewhat of a clarification I would say my idea of controlling feelings should be limited to what you stated, "How can you want less for the one you love?" If wife gets caught up in NRE and the result is hurtful or painful to their significant other then it is bringing up exactly what you questioned, "How can you want less for the one you love?" If her "feelings" result in diminishing the love and bond with a husband doesn't that do damage to the relationship? Is it something that should be accepted and left unaddressed? No relationship works solely on faith alone. It takes sensitivity to each other and adjustment and in actions and behaviors. Don't misunderstand my intent. Passion and feelings are definitely important however passion and feelings are not an excuse for insensitivity or causing hurt. When passion and feelings evoke negative results in a relationship then what are the benefits of letting them go unbridled or unaddressed?

Once again thanks for you kind words. In no way do I feel that I am absolutely correct or that my thoughts and feelings are applicable in any or all cases. These thoughts are only questions that I've come to contemplate with my observations.

[Bull4Oldrwives]

I agree with Brad in that the TRIAD is the key in providing a platform for incredible eroticism, passion, pleasure and romance. All my relationships have been long term and the wife and I have always fallen in love and the relationship has always resulted in deeper feelings between the wife and cuck as part of the Triad where he is valued and included within his role. This approach allows the Bull to become very integrated into the marriage and establishes that this incredible experience is happening WITHIN THE MARRIAGE thus enabling her to have a no limits relationship with the Bull. I believe that part of my job is to create a scenario where she absolutely believes that it "doesn't get any better than this".

[bbarnsworth]

Bull4Oldrwives; can't say I disagree. My approach is a bit different, but not terribly so. I'm a bull for the wife of a couple and have been for a few years now. My goal all along has been her pleasure. I don't view myself as part of their marriage, but I do think I'm important to them both in that they keep me around. She thoroughly enjoys the sexual escapades we have, and her husband loves watching us. We don't play every week, and sometimes it's many weeks between play dates, but it's enough that there's a closeness among all three of us. After a few times being a bull for her, I got a twinge of NRE. I'm old enough/experienced enough that I saw it for what it was and disregarded it. We've happily traveled along on this adventure since without falling in love per se, but we're all close.