Question about jealousy

[Lilbrathotwife]

So my wife and I have hoped to get a long term playmate for a while. We've been in the lifestyle for 3 years and had only ever played a couple times. We met this bull about 3 weeks ago and she's fucked him 3 times and scheduling a 4th for later this week. Everything about the situation is amazing and hot, but there have been some things I thought I would really like, that it doesn't seem like I do.

She needs to have a connection with someone to sleep with them. This is where my issues come in, not the connection itself, but just the following:

He has texted her a lot every day since the first time (3 weeks now), and texts her all day. Including a good morning text every morning. And he just showers her with compliments about the kind of person she is and how proud he is of her when she tells him about something going on in her life. And has done that since day two.

He calls her baby, which I don't like, that's my pet name for her.

They send each other little kiss emojis, in essence it feels like he talks to her more like a boyfriend than an FWB.

Now, his wife is involved too and he talks about her a lot and when we play, she watches as well (I mostly just watch too). They've only been together a year and a half, but the way they interact and talk they seem to be pretty deeply in love.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone to treat her bad or like a piece of meat, but it feels like this guy is coming on a little strong and the conversations make me jealous. I really like him and again, the situations are hot. Am I being a bitch about it?

[Restarting]

I don't see anything wrong with him being a boyfriend vs a FWB. What is your concern? Do you feel threatened that she might leave or think less of you or not care about your feelings?

Just stewing over it without a discussion is kind of being a bitch. You are entitled to your feelings.
Talk to her about whatever is bothering you. This is how trust is built.

(Pro tip: listen to what she wants and is feeling while you're at it)

I'm glad that she is finding enjoyment with her playmate. The next step is you enjoying it, too.

Good luck! Please keep us updated.

[Lilbrathotwife]

I don't see anything wrong with him being a boyfriend vs a FWB. What is your concern? Do you feel threatened that she might leave or think less of you or not care about your feelings?

Just stewing over it without a discussion is kind of being a bitch. You are entitled to your feelings.
Talk to her about whatever is bothering you. This is how trust is built.

(Pro tip: listen to what she wants and is feeling while you're at it)

I'm glad that she is finding enjoyment with her playmate. The next step is you enjoying it, too.

Good luck! Please keep us updated.

Thank you for the reply! We have talked about it and I haven't asked her to change it, but told her it bothers me, and she hasn't volunteered to change it. It's just kind of gnawing at me.

One of our clear boundaries is no feelings, so no "boyfriends" per se. I don't think she'll leave me, but I think breaking our boundaries could cause some resentment to build up for me.

[zorro]

Why do you say he is coming on too strong? Your wife may be a demisexual and need fondness for sex to be really good (a topic worth exploring with her). It sounds like so far everything he is doing with her to flirt and deepen feelings has been out in the open. Yes, maybe there are contacts you know nothing about, but I don't hear you have any evidence of that. Maybe there is nothing underhanded or sneaky. He sounds like he may be a winner. And there may be a component of NRE (new relationship energy) going on for both of them. NRE supercharges things for a while, until it simmers down. And I have found that phase superfun.

I don't know that you're being a bitch about it. You may just be uncovering insecurities that, with the help of a loving woman, you can work through using good communication and developing an intimate, loving connection. Typically in successful HW relationships, the husband feels pangs and waves of anxiety. Just notice them and try to go through them. She may just be started fucking him, but the number of times they fuck should not be the test for the quality of their relationship. In the end, you need lose nothing by her enjoying another man. And she may be gaining fabulous life experiences.

Also, keep in mind that it may be unrealistic to think your wife can fuck another man repeatedly and not develop some feelings for him. It does happen. And frankly, it would be sad and disappointing were that not the case. Try letting go of some ego and refocusing on your wife's experience and joy. THAT is loving, not trying to grasp her more tightly until you squeeze the vitality out of her. Let her feel out being yourself. Over time, your relationship will likely strengthen if there is honesty all the way around.

Do keep an eye on what emerges over time with this guy. The truth of his character eventually will out. In the meantime, enjoy and marvel your wonderful, loved woman. If your marriage is a good one based on good values, things can be just fine.

My wife is a demisexual, and her current LTR is with a kind man she feels deep fondness for. They have fabulous sex together, and all three of us come away from MFMs very happy and fulfilled. You may too, if you are loving when sharing your wife. I recommend letting love replace fear. It may well work out to be the best thing you two have ever done.

[Restarting]

I don't see anything wrong with him being a boyfriend vs a FWB. What is your concern? Do you feel threatened that she might leave or think less of you or not care about your feelings?

Just stewing over it without a discussion is kind of being a bitch. You are entitled to your feelings.
Talk to her about whatever is bothering you. This is how trust is built.

(Pro tip: listen to what she wants and is feeling while you're at it)

I'm glad that she is finding enjoyment with her playmate. The next step is you enjoying it, too.

Good luck! Please keep us updated.

Thank you for the reply! We have talked about it and I haven't asked her to change it, but told her it bothers me, and she hasn't volunteered to change it. It's just kind of gnawing at me.

One of our clear boundaries is no feelings, so no "boyfriends" per se. I don't think she'll leave me, but I think breaking our boundaries could cause some resentment to build up for me.

Makes sense. Sounds like more talk about boundaries and respecting them is in order. Although it may be more difficult for her to focus while she experiences NRE, which I suspect is unavoidable unless she's a complete zombie. Keep communicating until you can't (then you might have something much more serious to discuss).

The journey can definitely have its ups and downs. Stay true and stay strong! When done correctly, the result can be amazing!

[Restarting]

And yes, resentment cannot be sustained long-term. Do whatever is necessary to avoid it.

[Restarting]

Zorro did a much better job of framing the situation.
Well said, Zorro!

[Lilbrathotwife]

I appreciate you both very much. I want this to be amazing for her, but we entered this to enhance our already great sex life and the intention that it's about both of our enjoyment. Our agreement was that we would bail if it looked like it was going to change something about us or our connection, negatively, of course.

That's why I wanted to come here, was to either have my feelings validated or challenged.

[noreaster]

I can understand where you are coming from. For us, when my wife used to play we always hoped to find someone longer term. (Not an easy thing to find) Basically what we were looking for is a guy who would be friends with us both socially but have the extra benefits of sex with her. He would be someone that would add to both her and my sexual situational scenario enjoyment (I don’t mean bi stuff) and not turn into a one on one communication with her and leave me feeling left on the outside. Not an easy find at all.

We thought we had a guy and it worked out for quite awhile until I started feeling like the 3rd wheel. I openly talked with them both about how I was feeling. My wife did try to include me as much as she could but he just didn’t get it after awhile. When it had first begun we all agreed that anyone could end it with no hard feelings. I eventually got to that point.

She was more hurt than I had expected when I said it was enough and needed to end. She was never really one to openly talk about what she was feeling but it was clear she was upset but it did end. Too bad.

Your situation reminds me of that time.

[Lilbrathotwife]

I can understand where you are coming from. For us, when my wife used to play we always hoped to find someone longer term. (Not an easy thing to find) Basically what we were looking for is a guy who would be friends with us both socially but have the extra benefits of sex with her. He would be someone that would add to both her and my sexual situational scenario enjoyment (I don’t mean bi stuff) and not turn into a one on one communication with her and leave me feeling left on the outside. Not an easy find at all.

We thought we had a guy and it worked out for quite awhile until I started feeling like the 3rd wheel. I openly talked with them both about how I was feeling. My wife did try to include me as much as she could but he just didn’t get it after awhile. When it had first begun we all agreed that anyone could end it with no hard feelings. I eventually got to that point.

She was more hurt than I had expected when I said it was enough and needed to end. She was never really one to openly talk about what she was feeling but it was clear she was upset but it did end. Too bad.

Your situation reminds me of that time.

How does your relationship stand today? Are you guys still in the lifestyle?

[Lilbrathotwife]

Why do you say he is coming on too strong? Your wife may be a demisexual and need fondness for sex to be really good (a topic worth exploring with her). It sounds like so far everything he is doing with her to flirt and deepen feelings has been out in the open. Yes, maybe there are contacts you know nothing about, but I don't hear you have any evidence of that. Maybe there is nothing underhanded or sneaky. He sounds like he may be a winner. And there may be a component of NRE (new relationship energy) going on for both of them. NRE supercharges things for a while, until it simmers down. And I have found that phase superfun.

I don't know that you're being a bitch about it. You may just be uncovering insecurities that, with the help of a loving woman, you can work through using good communication and developing an intimate, loving connection. Typically in successful HW relationships, the husband feels pangs and waves of anxiety. Just notice them and try to go through them. She may just be started fucking him, but the number of times they fuck should not be the test for the quality of their relationship. In the end, you need lose nothing by her enjoying another man. And she may be gaining fabulous life experiences.

Also, keep in mind that it may be unrealistic to think your wife can fuck another man repeatedly and not develop some feelings for him. It does happen. And frankly, it would be sad and disappointing were that not the case. Try letting go of some ego and refocusing on your wife's experience and joy. THAT is loving, not trying to grasp her more tightly until you squeeze the vitality out of her. Let her feel out being yourself. Over time, your relationship will likely strengthen if there is honesty all the way around.

Do keep an eye on what emerges over time with this guy. The truth of his character eventually will out. In the meantime, enjoy and marvel your wonderful, loved woman. If your marriage is a good one based on good values, things can be just fine.

My wife is a demisexual, and her current LTR is with a kind man she feels deep fondness for. They have fabulous sex together, and all three of us come away from MFMs very happy and fulfilled. You may too, if you are loving when sharing your wife. I recommend letting love replace fear. It may well work out to be the best thing you two have ever done.

Thank you for the deep insight, zorro. There's definitely some good advice in there. She told me today that she feels my jealousy about the conversations takes away from all the efforts she's made to make it good for both of us. And I get that, and I hate that she feels that way because nothing could be further from the truth. Everything she has done has been perfect and amazing. I know she can't see it from her vantage, but I have VERY much enjoyed it and I hate that I haven't done the best job of showing her. I've tried to tell her and reassure her, but she's hung up on this issue with the communication.

You know, I think maybe I fear that her experiences with him will outshine our experiences together. We have an amazing sex life, except for recently, we had gotten into kind of a rut over the last few months and maybe the timing of this plays a part into my feelings. She touches him in ways I wish she touched me when we are together. She rides him every time they're together, but rarely does it for me and that's my favorite position for me that she does. Maybe I fear she'll come to crave the sexual experiences with him over the ones with me. My biggest fear, though, is something a poster below alluded to, it becomes a situation where I'm no longer comfortable and we end it and it breaks her heart. Or, he becomes too attached and it just gets weird and difficult.

She is my soulmate and my absolute world, we promised that we'd never let anything change that, especially this lifestyle. I don't want her treated bad, but nor do I want her hurt or put into a very tough situation. And, of course, I don't want our connection to diminish. I would go to hell and fight the devil to keep her safe. I've got to find some way past this, either ending it now or figuring out how to deal with the feelings because I want her to feel appreciated for what she's doing and enjoy every aspect of it.

[zorro]

she feels my jealousy about the conversations takes away from all the efforts she's made to make it good for both of us. And I get that, and I hate that she feels that way because nothing could be further from the truth. Everything she has done has been perfect and amazing.

Of course you feel jealousy. We all have had this happen to us, definitely in the beginning and sometimes with specific partners. And those feelings can become a stop sign, unless you reframe them and manage them as a couple. The good news is that jealousy often reduces over time, and it can be eroticized to increase excitement and pleasure. Some people even think that HW hubby may pursue this lifestyle orecisely to eroticize jealous energy.
I would urge both your wife and you talk about what the jealous feelings mean for each of you. They are normal. But your wife's reaction is to defensively shut down her erotic feelings to manage your jealousy. I don't think that's what you want. Our culture commonly assumes that fucking another person than the partner/spouse means they are on their way out of the relationship. But the definitely does not have to be the case. Does your jealousy automatically trigger the fear that you are going to leave her, since that is the culturally prescribed behavior? If so, she needs to consider she is jumping to conclusions. She likely does not want playing with others to endanger her marriage. We hear that here from couple after couple.

Another way to think about it is that the problem is not jealousy; it is insecurity for both of you. You worry that if she likes girl on top with another guy and not you, you are not good enough. Again jumping to conclusions. At least check it out to see if that is what she is thinking. When my wife plays with another guy and does something she doesn't do with me, I remind myself that it wouldn't be very exciting to have the same sexual experience with the other guy that she has with me. That would be boring. Novelty and diversity drive a lot of erotic excitement. Having different sex with someone else is expectable, because it makes for something new and different for your wife. Appreciate the difference and see if there is anything you would learn by seeing what the different sex does for her. We can all learn.

The core part of managing these feelings includes conversations with yourself and with your wife. You both need to better learn how the other sees things and then go from there. I could go on and on, but starting to examine the thoughts that make sense of each of your emotional reaction is the place to start.

[Ygt hubby]

So my wife and I have hoped to get a long term playmate for a while. We've been in the lifestyle for 3 years and had only ever played a couple times. We met this bull about 3 weeks ago and she's fucked him 3 times and scheduling a 4th for later this week. Everything about the situation is amazing and hot, but there have been some things I thought I would really like, that it doesn't seem like I do.

She needs to have a connection with someone to sleep with them. This is where my issues come in, not the connection itself, but just the following:

He has texted her a lot every day since the first time (3 weeks now), and texts her all day. Including a good morning text every morning. And he just showers her with compliments about the kind of person she is and how proud he is of her when she tells him about something going on in her life. And has done that since day two.

He calls her baby, which I don't like, that's my pet name for her.

They send each other little kiss emojis, in essence it feels like he talks to her more like a boyfriend than an FWB.

Now, his wife is involved too and he talks about her a lot and when we play, she watches as well (I mostly just watch too). They've only been together a year and a half, but the way they interact and talk they seem to be pretty deeply in love.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone to treat her bad or like a piece of meat, but it feels like this guy is coming on a little strong and the conversations make me jealous. I really like him and again, the situations are hot. Am I being a bitch about it?

Lilbrathotwife,
I just read your post and it really hit home, my wife and I have been in the lifestyle for about three years. I went from being her first and only sexual partner to now she has been with about 30 guys. So I’ve had plenty of different guys to have to deal with my different feelings.
She now has 5 different guys she plays with on a regular basis. One of them is a Daddy Dom and he calls her by several names some of them are baby, love, darling, and baby girl.
I was upset about it when I was reading their text ( we share Everything with total transparency). So I got to thinking about what was really bothering me about it. And once I put it into perspective it ended up being kinda weird that I was ok with the guy fucking her and her giving him bj’s but calling her by a pet name was to far. I really just had to laugh at myself and I had to stop being a little bitch. If he can fuck her then he can call her what ever he wants as long as she is ok with it. She wasn’t going to fall in love with him just because he called her by a nickname.

I was also concerned because one of her guys is very well endowed ( 11 inches and as big around as a soda can ) well as you can imagine he can definitely do some things that my 7 inches can’t. So I got jealous of him, I went to my wife and told her my problem with him and his ability to do things I couldn’t. She listened to me and said that she didn’t consider him better than me just different. Having a different experience with another man is what makes her appreciate the difference between each one of her guys. We are all good at different things and as long as I focus on what I do best then she is happy with each one of us in a different way.

You are doing really good talking with her and keeping an open dialogue with her that is super important. So great job.
I still get jealous a little but when I do I have to stop and think about what is going on that bothers me, and usually I find that I’m focusing too much on my self and if I change my focus to being on my wife’s pleasure everything comes back into alignment.

You are doing the right thing in trying to work through this and not just shutting things down. Let yourself feel the feelings and learn from them and what they really mean sometimes it’s just your perspective of the situation that is the thing to change.

Best of luck my friend.

[Restarting]

Appreciate the difference and see if there is anything you would learn by seeing what the different sex does for her. We can all learn.

So true!

The core part of managing these feelings includes conversations with yourself and with your wife. You both need to better learn how the other sees things and then go from there. I could go on and on, but starting to examine the thoughts that make sense of each of your emotional reaction is the place to start.

I concur wholeheartedly! Most would agree that the marriage being on a solid foundation is essential for a successful hotwife journey.

When you say, "but she's hung up on this issue with the communication.", it tells me work is still needed.
A solid footing requires trust on both sides. Trust to discuss everything, without limitation.

Insisting the journey be taken together is imperative if either of you feel that way.

If your wife sees it differently, she might resent you, consider cheating or even leaving if you shut it down, especially during NRE.

My wife has experience with other men within the boundaries of our arrangement (sharing with me) and without regard for our boundaries (excluded me entirely, deceitful, hurtful). If you DM her, she will confirm her experience was far more satisfying for her when we were in it together.

Ideally, you will both return to the original goal of these being shared experiences.

Stay true to yourselves. If you find common ground, you'll be on the road to a much happier future.

[EuroBB]

Why do you say he is coming on too strong? Your wife may be a demisexual and need fondness for sex to be really good (a topic worth exploring with her). It sounds like so far everything he is doing with her to flirt and deepen feelings has been out in the open. Yes, maybe there are contacts you know nothing about, but I don't hear you have any evidence of that. Maybe there is nothing underhanded or sneaky. He sounds like he may be a winner. And there may be a component of NRE (new relationship energy) going on for both of them. NRE supercharges things for a while, until it simmers down. And I have found that phase superfun.

I don't know that you're being a bitch about it. You may just be uncovering insecurities that, with the help of a loving woman, you can work through using good communication and developing an intimate, loving connection. Typically in successful HW relationships, the husband feels pangs and waves of anxiety. Just notice them and try to go through them. She may just be started fucking him, but the number of times they fuck should not be the test for the quality of their relationship. In the end, you need lose nothing by her enjoying another man. And she may be gaining fabulous life experiences.

Also, keep in mind that it may be unrealistic to think your wife can fuck another man repeatedly and not develop some feelings for him. It does happen. And frankly, it would be sad and disappointing were that not the case. Try letting go of some ego and refocusing on your wife's experience and joy. THAT is loving, not trying to grasp her more tightly until you squeeze the vitality out of her. Let her feel out being yourself. Over time, your relationship will likely strengthen if there is honesty all the way around.

Do keep an eye on what emerges over time with this guy. The truth of his character eventually will out. In the meantime, enjoy and marvel your wonderful, loved woman. If your marriage is a good one based on good values, things can be just fine.

My wife is a demisexual, and her current LTR is with a kind man she feels deep fondness for. They have fabulous sex together, and all three of us come away from MFMs very happy and fulfilled. You may too, if you are loving when sharing your wife. I recommend letting love replace fear. It may well work out to be the best thing you two have ever done.

What a beautiful post, Zoro

[ktcouple]

I think the core issue here is overstepping your agreed boundaries. Boundaries are flexible and can change over time, which is completely normal and expected. But that should happen in mutual agreement.
You say you agreed on no feelings (which is unrealistic in case of something longer term and you should revisit that boundary) and that it shouldn’t affect your connection negatively (which is completely valid) and it seems it does. Maybe it all happened too fast and pushed that boundary too much.

I would suggest talking with her about that aspect of it. You clearly enjoy the situation otherwise and support your wife in meeting him. That’s important and you should reassure her that’s the case. But you should also bring up the aspects that bother you so you can find a compromise that’s acceptable for everyone. They’re clearly in NRE, hence the intense communication, and it might get better over time, but you can agree on intentionally tuning it down, at least the daily chatting, to give you and your connection some more space to breathe.

Regarding jealousy, as others said, it’s completely normal, we all go through it. I always try to remember that it’s not her or him who causes the jealousy in me, it’s my feeling, and it’s my responsibility to deal with my own emotions. It means I’m insecure and I need to work on why that’s the case. If you frame in a way that she doesn’t feel responsible for your feelings (showing your love towards her and insecurities), she can give reassurance without feeling guilty. You can say “I’m feeling insecure about this and that”. She can give you the relief you need in moments when you struggle with jealousy, it’s completely valid to ask for that. And it will bring you closer as she will understand you more and feel your love more.

[BrunetteLover]

There can be an excitement about seeing him, but there should be little to no excitement about him as a person. This is a hobby and he is a toy.

[Lilbrathotwife]

There can be an excitement about seeing him, but there should be little to no excitement about him as a person. This is a hobby and he is a toy.

Yeah, and that's the premise under which we entered it. She calls him a toy, he calls himself a toy.

I very much appreciate everyone who has commented so far, it really has helped me a lot. I will say, though, it was her who was staunchly against letting feelings come into it (which is a position I don't disagree with), just because she doesn't want to give a piece of her heart to anyone else, nor do I want anyone to have it. She has said under no uncertain terms that if they develop, she will bail. And I FULLY believe that, but I worry about her tendency to people please and that might make her hold on longer than she should and she either gets hurt, or he gets too attached and it makes a messy situation.

Someone looking to enter the lifestyle messaged me and asked my advice if I had regret after seeing her fuck someone else, part of my response might also shed some light on my thought process:

"I have never regretted her having sex with someone and having fun with it. I don't know that our desire that no feelings get involved is realistic or not, and I think that scares me too, but zorro had some good advice in his response to me. I'm autistic as well, so unplanned changes hit me a little harder than others and to protect myself, I sometimes overthink situations to try to be prepared for all possibilities, and in doing so, I can really fuck up the present."

[Lilbrathotwife]

They’re clearly in NRE, hence the intense communication, and it might get better over time, but you can agree on intentionally tuning it down, at least the daily chatting, to give you and your connection some more space to breathe.

And that might be the key right there. I would feel so much more comfortable if it wasn't all day every day.

[Restarting]

She's still sorting out how she feels about everything. It's important that she knows you are her safe place to think things through. Stay engaged but try to give her a little slack. This is a big part of being in it together.

[Lilbrathotwife]

She's still sorting out how she feels about everything. It's important that she knows you are her safe place to think things through. Stay engaged but try to give her a little slack. This is a big part of being in it together.

Good advice, I'm definitely trying, I want to make sure she feels super supported.

Side note, I think I realized another piece of why I maybe am feeling the way I feel. We got into this to add spice to our sex life, but our sex life hasn't really improved since we started and she acts way more excited about getting with him rather than making time with me. Which I get the NRE, but it's still different than the intended result and we're only a little over three weeks in.

[Restarting]

OK! Something to work on!
Leverage reclaim sex. Get her to share what she likes most. Focus on making it part of her excitement to know she is turning you on when she is enjoying herself. Being on Team Encouragement is far better than being Debbie Downer. (not trivializing your feelings, though)

Remember Zorro's words: "Appreciate the difference and see if there is anything you would learn by seeing what the different sex does for her. We can all learn."

You are both new to this. You'll figure it out.

The initial goal of improved sex is obvious, important and reachable. Have fun with the process!

[tiedyeHotwife]

Being the "wife" in this lifestyle -

I'm agreeing with the OP that this is over the line.
The Bull is giving her the full push.
His ego is trying to REALLY own her, not simply be a fun part of her sex life.
I've experienced this and would hit the full STOP button right now.

Unless you and your wife have agreed to her having a full relationship with him - or more, Stop it now.
If you're hoping to experience "losing" your wife to another man, than I think you've hit the jackpot with this Bull as he is surely going to take her from you. He's grooming her, pure and simple.

[coastalkid]

FWIW, this is just my observation and nothing more. Zorro and Restarting (and others) have given you some valid insights.

I think that your wife knowing that your insecurities/jealousy cause some negative feelings for you is imperative. If she is unaware of or ignorant to your feelings then she needs to know them. More importantly, she needs to show she understands because ultimately it will be be down to what she says and does. NRE is a valid reason but not an excuse.

So many times I've read about husbands/bfs that want their wives/gfs to become hot wives/gfs. Initially many of these wives/gfs are reluctant or have all sorts of insecurities about their bodies, or their skill, or their age, or anything they can conceive. Wives/gfs that overcome these things suddenly forget all about the personal self torment they obsessed about before when they have a positive experience.

What seems lost on so many is that in the transition all those self doubts and insecurities are passed on to the husbands/bfs once the wife/gf becomes "comfortable" in her version of the lifestyle. Left alone to contemplate, tons of questions will naturally come to mind. Am I unattractive? Am I too small? Am I boring? Will I always be second best?

If things aren't fully out in the open then surely resentment will result and begin a destructive evolution. I get that some people get off the emotional pain but if the pain is always more than the pleasure then failure will likely be the result. I stand by the notion that people that really and truly love each other will ALWAYS want the very best for each other and that doing so makes that person feel good about being a loving partner. It's supposed to be fun, right?

[Lilbrathotwife]

Being the "wife" in this lifestyle -

I'm agreeing with the OP that this is over the line.
The Bull is giving her the full push.
His ego is trying to REALLY own her, not simply be a fun part of her sex life.
I've experienced this and would hit the full STOP button right now.

Unless you and your wife have agreed to her having a full relationship with him - or more, Stop it now.
If you're hoping to experience "losing" your wife to another man, than I think you've hit the jackpot with this Bull as he is surely going to take her from you. He's grooming her, pure and simple.

Can you talk a little more about your experiences? This is what my gut was telling me, but he does talk about his wife a lot and includes her in play (she and I both watch) and he knows that I read all of their messages. He also messages me some too. And he's very respectful. It's just the messages I have a problem with. It's too much, too often and more like someone who wants to be a boyfriend and not a friend with benefits. I did ask her to stop sending kiss emojis, which she was kind enough to do, but he still sends them. I really want to get this right, I want her to have fun, but the goal is OUR sex life. But I damn sure don't want to hurt anything about our amazing relationship.