Question about jealousy

[tiedyeHotwife]

Ego - my experience has been that some men attempting to be a "bull" have a need to "own" the woman to some degree.
As if its not enough to just fuck a woman and give her orgasms. They seem to need more influence in her life.
I've played along a few times now and can be fun attention for your wife, but you need to be careful.
The constant attention is basically dopamine saturation. Your wife starts getting all her dopamine from him. She will start to crave HIS attention.
(this is the grooming part).

I had one lovely man go deep with this. I loved the constant texts. The occasional gift. Always thoughtful messages, caring.
He started playing daily sexy games with me, "what are you wearing", "unbutton your blouse for the guys at the office". really fun to play with.
After a few weeks I realized that its addictive. Basically a form of behavior modification.
The sex got deeper and more intimate. I started dressing daily with HIM in mind (he would often ask for pics of what I was wearing at work and I wanted his approval).

So what I'm saying is, that I was always aware of what he was really doing to me and I actually wasn't that into it - and it STILL got to me.

I just started seeing someone new and its very similar, only this time I REALLY like that guy and the orgasms he gives me are intense.
So "ex" husband and I have agreed that we are going to take the full ride with this.
In only two weeks, this new guy is dominating my text feed, my thoughts, etc.
Its only going to take a couple weeks and I know I will feel like I really belong to him and start to crave him. Thats how this works.

Be careful that you don't end up in a situation you didn't want.
Don't ever be passive in policing your agreed upon rules. The men fucking your wife DID NOT agree to those rules and a mans ego will always have him pushing for more with your wife.

my 2cents.

[Lilbrathotwife]

Ego - my experience has been that some men attempting to be a "bull" have a need to "own" the woman to some degree.
As if its not enough to just fuck a woman and give her orgasms. They seem to need more influence in her life.
I've played along a few times now and can be fun attention for your wife, but you need to be careful.
The constant attention is basically dopamine saturation. Your wife starts getting all her dopamine from him. She will start to crave HIS attention.
(this is the grooming part).

I had one lovely man go deep with this. I loved the constant texts. The occasional gift. Always thoughtful messages, caring.
He started playing daily sexy games with me, "what are you wearing", "unbutton your blouse for the guys at the office". really fun to play with.
After a few weeks I realized that its addictive. Basically a form of behavior modification.
The sex got deeper and more intimate. I started dressing daily with HIM in mind (he would often ask for pics of what I was wearing at work and I wanted his approval).

So what I'm saying is, that I was always aware of what he was really doing to me and I actually wasn't that into it - and it STILL got to me.

I just started seeing someone new and its very similar, only this time I REALLY like that guy and the orgasms he gives me are intense.
So "ex" husband and I have agreed that we are going to take the full ride with this.
In only two weeks, this new guy is dominating my text feed, my thoughts, etc.
Its only going to take a couple weeks and I know I will feel like I really belong to him and start to crave him. Thats how this works.

Be careful that you don't end up in a situation you didn't want.
Don't ever be passive in policing your agreed upon rules. The men fucking your wife DID NOT agree to those rules and a mans ego will always have him pushing for more with your wife.

my 2cents.

Thank you for sharing.

Would be really interesting to hear from any other hot wives out there that have experienced the same, or the opposite.

[zorro]

Maybe we have just been lucky, but over 15 years we have had only one man who became fixated on having more than good old-fashioned sex with Ruth. He was a more than decent fuck and in good physical shape, so she really enjoyed his fucking her. But he started to probe whether she would take care of his 2 teenaged girls whose mother had died from an unexpected medical crisis. He also kept seeking out her opinion on how to relate to the girls. But she wanted none of that. She just wanted his good cock and what can come with it. He did groom her enough that she, with my prior knowledge, rented a room in a nice neighborhood motel so they could romp for the night. But after having a drink at a bar right beforehand, he excused himself and went home "to take care of the girls." No offer to pay for the room. No apologies. Just humiliation. And subsequently he kept getting her worked up in anticipation of some more good sex, only to back out at the last moment and even just ghost her.

I pointed out his sadistic pattern of exciting her and getting her ready to take him only to let her down and leave her disappointed and hurt. I was wary of him when I early learned he wanted to take her away, but had to balance that threat against how much she wanted and enjoyed sex with him. So, I opted to let her figure out for herself when she was done with him. My take was that Ruth had made her life choice with me and was not going to mess that up just for some sex. Fortunately, my guess was accurate.

She was very ethical with him: She told him she only wanted to fuck him but not to be part of his life. My guess is he was punishing her for the rejection. He could have cum in her many times if he had been more mature, but he decided to manipulate her for the whole enchilada.
Eventually, he moved away to another city, ostensibly to marry another woman.

He was the worst fuckbuddy we have ever had in our bed. And we have had many FBs. Just an example of what TiedyeHW was talking about when she astutely alerted everyone how some guys may be dominant -- and, may I add -- be dicks as well as have a good dick. The only antidote, as we found, was to keep communication fully open between us to counter the manipulation and sadism.

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

I’ve been quite pleased to see this thread gain so much traction in just the couple of days since Lilbrathotwife made his original post.

At one point after zorro’s initial post, I had a comment prepared that so much of the OP’s experience resonates with my experience as well. (Some slight differences, but overall very similar.) I feel like I could have written a post very similar to Lilbrathotwife’s post. I really like my wife’s boyfriend. He’s a pretty cool guy, and he treats her well. Etcetera. Etcetera.

I think I logged out and let it slip away.

Coincidentally, my wife and I just took a one-week vacation to Vail, here in Colorado where we have a time-share, and I had been struggling to tell her about all of these uncontrollable emotions I’m having surrounding her unique experiences with him…an overnight trip to Telluride where they had “fabulous” pizza together, another overnighter to spend some time “dipping their toes” in the Great Sand Dunes National Park, shopping in a nearby arts district to help him pick out some art for his new home…the list goes on.

Whereas I was simply trying to clear the air and tell her that I don’t understand where these feelings of jealousy are coming from but that they all seem to swirl around this idea of unique experiences, she felt like it was an attack on their relationship…..even though we all three have understood our ground rules from the very beginning.

I was so excited to discover the OP and everyone’s VERY good advice….especially as I was wrestling with them, myself.

She didn’t understand why I’m so bothered by all of this; why I’m jealous since she has ALWAYS maintained that I would be her primary.

So…. In a moment of vulnerability, when the communication just didn’t seem to be working, I asked her to listen as I read the OP to her. (She’s acutely aware that I turn to OHW for support. Being a hotwife hubby is a lonely endeavor. Beyond my wife, you guys are my “next best support system.”) I also read the half dozen or so replies from zorro, Restarting, and noreaster, and I think we had “a moment” together when zorro remarked that unique experiences are the secret ingredient that makes a hotwife lifestyle so thrilling…for all three of us. As zorro said, to simply recreate what she and I have would be boring. New experiences, including the new relationship energy, are precisely what’s making her happy.

She realized, of course, that I was reading some of the replies for the first time as I read them to her.

It was a great relief, and she realized that I wasn’t attacking so much as struggling, like Lilbrathotwife.

She could see by the replies that this is certainly some kind of common experience among us hotwife hubbies, and hearing “us” (hubbies and hotwives) post and reply allowed her to drop her guard so we could talk earnestly about where my insecurities are coming from. As one of you so wisely pointed out, our insecurities are born from inadequacy and irrelevance.

It all suddenly made so much sense.

Today, upon returning from our week in the mountains, I’m happy to report that things are smooth again. (In fact, she’s hanging out with him tonight, and I couldn’t be more at ease with it.) Sometimes just talking it out helps level the bumpy patches. As usual, communication is key for those of us in this lifestyle.

Thanks, everyone, for the help. (This is why I sponsor OHW. I hope you would consider contributing, too, if you don’t already do. There’s really nothing else like it.)

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

…Sorry. Somehow, I double-posted.

Nothing more to see here. Move along!

[Lilbrathotwife]

I’ve been quite pleased to see this thread gain so much traction in just the couple of days since Lilbrathotwife made his original post.

At one point after zorro’s initial post, I had a comment prepared that so much of the OP’s experience resonates with my experience as well. (Some slight differences, but overall very similar.) I feel like I could have written a post very similar to Lilbrathotwife’s post. I really like my wife’s boyfriend. He’s a pretty cool guy, and he treats her well. Etcetera. Etcetera.

I think I logged out and let it slip away.

Coincidentally, my wife and I just took a one-week vacation to Vail, here in Colorado where we have a time-share, and I had been struggling to tell her about all of these uncontrollable emotions I’m having surrounding her unique experiences with him…an overnight trip to Telluride where they had “fabulous” pizza together, another overnighter to spend some time “dipping their toes” in the Great Sand Dunes National Park, shopping in a nearby arts district to help him pick out some art for his new home…the list goes on.

Whereas I was simply trying to clear the air and tell her that I don’t understand where these feelings of jealousy are coming from but that they all seem to swirl around this idea of unique experiences, she felt like it was an attack on their relationship…..even though we all three have understood our ground rules from the very beginning.

I was so excited to discover the OP and everyone’s VERY good advice….especially as I was wrestling with them, myself.

She didn’t understand why I’m so bothered by all of this; why I’m jealous since she has ALWAYS maintained that I would be her primary.

So…. In a moment of vulnerability, when the communication just didn’t seem to be working, I asked her to listen as I read the OP to her. (She’s acutely aware that I turn to OHW for support. Being a hotwife hubby is a lonely endeavor. Beyond my wife, you guys are my “next best support system.”) I also read the half dozen or so replies from zorro, Restarting, and noreaster, and I think we had “a moment” together when zorro remarked that unique experiences are the secret ingredient that makes a hotwife lifestyle so thrilling…for all three of us. As zorro said, to simply recreate what she and I have would be boring. New experiences, including the new relationship energy, are precisely what’s making her happy.

She realized, of course, that I was reading some of the replies for the first time as I read them to her.

It was a great relief, and she realized that I wasn’t attacking so much as struggling, like Lilbrathotwife.

She could see by the replies that this is certainly some kind of common experience among us hotwife hubbies, and hearing “us” (hubbies and hotwives) post and reply allowed her to drop her guard so we could talk earnestly about where my insecurities are coming from. As one of you so wisely pointed out, our insecurities are born from inadequacy and irrelevance.

It all suddenly made so much sense.

Today, upon returning from our week in the mountains, I’m happy to report that things are smooth again. (In fact, she’s hanging out with him tonight, and I couldn’t be more at ease with it.) Sometimes just talking it out helps level the bumpy patches. As usual, communication is key for those of us in this lifestyle.

Thanks, everyone, for the help. (This is why I sponsor OHW. I hope you would consider contributing, too, if you don’t already do. There’s really nothing else like it.)

That's so great to hear! I'm glad my experience was able to shed some light for you, and the great advice everyone is giving has really helped.

I know my wife and I will get there, we are a soulmate power couple. I just need to find a way to help her understand what I'm feeling while still making sure she knows I 100% support her and am her BIGGEST cheerleader in this game. I just don't want the original intention of maximizing our sex life to be forgotten, and it feels like to some degree it has. Don't get me wrong, the videos we've done have made alone sexy time freaking phenomenal, but that's not my goal, my goal is being with her. And I don't want anything bad to come of this for her, or me, of course, but she's my number 1 priority, I'm her protector.

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

That's so great to hear! I'm glad my experience was able to shed some light for you, and the great advice everyone is giving has really helped.

I know my wife and I will get there, we are a soulmate power couple. I just need to find a way to help her understand what I'm feeling while still making sure she knows I 100% support her and am her BIGGEST cheerleader in this game. I just don't want the original intention of maximizing our sex life to be forgotten, and it feels like to some degree it has. Don't get me wrong, the videos we've done have made alone sexy time freaking phenomenal, but that's not my goal, my goal is being with her. And I don't want anything bad to come of this for her, or me, of course, but she's my number 1 priority, I'm her protector.

I, too, am my wife’s biggest cheerleader.

We started this journey in 2007. She had one boyfriend from March, 2007 through December, 2022. FIFTEEN YEARS AND NINE MONTHS she had been seeing him. NRE made it three, four, sometimes five times per week she was hopping on him for a good ride. Good times for all three of us, really. (Watching NEVER gets old! Am I right?) By the time she finally wanted to end it in December, 2022, it was down to, maybe, once every two weeks…maybe a little bit more….with occasional sputters of once every three weeks or so.

I know that quantity is not a realistic measure, but I want you to get an idea of how things slowed down over time.

He was, for all practical purposes, a sort of second husband for her…but without the drivel of raising kids, major home improvements, family drama, etc.

During that entire time, the only time I felt jealous was in the very beginning when he was enjoying her (for about that first year) without so much as an acknowledgment of my needs and desires to watch. (It had been my core motivation for wanting to explore this lifestyle with her. I desperately wanted to watch her taking pleasure with another man. We all knew it was there, that watching was important for me.) Finally, one day, I snapped. I had a little tantrum with the two of them, and I demanded to be included from time to time. They both agreed. It kind of felt like they (mostly “he”) were holding out from including me for as long as possible. (He said he felt uneasy with another man watching his junk as he fucked her.) After I was finally invited to watch, he eventually became more comfortable with me there. I think he could see that my focus was not necessarily on his junk, but on her pleasure. I LOVED seeing her happy and satisfied on another man’s cock while I kissed her and told her how much I love her.

But absolutely ZERO jealousy for the next 14+ years. It was a great run.

I don’t know why. (In retrospect, it’s weird.) No jealousy?

Then, she decided she’d had enough of him. She was ready to move on. Their union had come to a natural conclusion.

She had been eye-balling a coworker of hers, four years her junior (making him eight years younger than me). Flirting. Private conversations. And her eventually revealing to him that I was VERY aware of her activities, and that I encouraged her to play.

His defenses immediately went up. Before she ever mentioned it, he very quickly surmised that I’m a watcher.

There was “no way” he’d EVER be able to have me in the room while they had sex. He felt it destroyed intimacy, and he was very uncomfortable with some other guy looking at his junk while he and she fucked.

Having been through this once before with her first boyfriend, she and I figured it would just take some time for him to get used to the idea, but that he would eventually be okay with it. (My wife rather enjoyed having me watch, so I knew she would gently persuade him to let me watch over time.) So, we proceeded.

So, it’s been two years and eight months, now.

In the meantime, I have come to enjoy NOT being able to watch. I rather enjoy her storytelling and the smell and taste of him on her/in her when she gets home. (Having watched her with her first boyfriend hundreds of times, if not a thousand-plus, my need to watch seemed less “urgent” as part of our ground rules. Countless hours of video to help us relive those great moments. I feel like I was growing. No real need to watch, anyways. I can very accurately imagine exactly as it went down based on how she described it.)

But then, suddenly…for some reason THIS time around…I feel all of these jealous pangs.

The unique experiences he’s having with her that I mentioned in my first post in this thread. The fact that he’s eight years younger than me and (as she describes it) can make her cum in a minute. (I’d love to think I’m as potent as I was when we were in our 20s, but it takes me considerably longer to get her to cum now that we’re in our 50s. Five minutes? Ten minutes on bad days?) His pleasant, calm, laid-back personality. His much better body. And (as a Spanish immigrant), his VERY THICK Latin accent that just melts women’s hearts the moment he starts speaking. (I swear, it’s right out of a Hollywood script. He could pretty much have any willing woman he wants within his circle. But he chooses my very married wife…..who is VERY willing for him.)

And as you can imagine, as our kids move out of the house and we enter the pre-retirement/retirement phase of our lives, I’m feeling rather inadequate. My wife has taken (and THOROUGHLY enjoys) a true Latin lover, and I’m sitting here wondering how relevant I am in her life.

I hadn’t expected to feel so inadequate…maybe even irrelevant. I just witnessed her throw a 15-year boyfriend aside because their relationship had come full circle, to its natural end. “Natural end?” Could the same be happening to me as we entered this retirement view? Was/Am I about to be a 60-year-old divorcee as she switches to the younger, more potent, heart-melting, laid-back, cooler Latin lover?

The mind runs away with these worries if you don’t keep them in check.

Don’t get me wrong. Our romantic life is popping, too. She’s more than forthcoming about the great sex they have, and she takes very good care of me, too. (Even if it takes a little longer!)

It’s just that it’s……different this time around. I hadn’t expected to be having these feelings.

As I’ve noted in my first post in this thread, communication has ALWAYS been the key to living successfully in this lifestyle, so I knew I needed to get my baggage out into the open.

It’s been a good week.

Though she initially thought I was throwing a shit-fit to put an unreasonable end to it all, she calmed down once we read the posts above. She sees that we are ALL struggling with these pangs. She assures me that I am (and always will be) her primary, and that she’s just having a bit of fun right now. She points to things that bind us that can never be matched, like having and raising two kids into adulthood, and what that means for us.

The pangs are there. He’s younger, more handsome, and can make her cum in a flash. But she knows he is her dessert and not her main course. Super tasty, but ultimately not what’s best for her long-term health.

I’m glad she’s getting some dessert.

[Lilbrathotwife]

She's been awesome about it the last couple days, she's really slowed the conversation down with him. My only fear is that it dimishes her excitement about it, but it's a massive balancing act between our fun and comfort with the situation. I mean if one of us isn't comfortable, then it's supposed to be that neither of us are, right? Whenever she's uncomfortable with something, I am super supportive and make whatever change I need to make immediately, with zero resentment.

tiedyeHotwife really hit on what my fear is. And I know she loves what he says to her and I love how kind and complimentary he is to her, she's my baby, I want her treated very well. But what tiedyeHotwife talked leads to either scenario I was mentioning before, she comes to like him/the situation more than she intended and she gets hurt at some point, he becomes too attached and causes issues. In either case, we, get damaged to some degree. This is that autistic overthinking thing I was talking about earlier. The damnable part of being an over thinker is that you have a problem living in the moment. Whether that's a boon or a bane, I couldn't tell you with certainty. One hand I want to sit back and enjoy, the other, as a protector, I want to keep constant vigilance. The answer, I'm sure, is somewhere in the middle.

Maybe if it feels like our sex life benefits from it, that will help a lot. Like I say, though, to this point, nothing has really changed and that was the whole point.

[Restarting]

...she comes to like him/the situation more than she intended and she gets hurt at some point...

I'm assuming you mean her feelings are hurt, not physically harmed.

Some hotwives' relationships last an extraordinarily long period of time, like decades. Most don't.

The irony is that the better the relationship/sex, the more it hurts is when it ends. It's natural, and it's what you want.
She'll miss him and the way she felt with him. But that wouldn't happen unless she really enjoyed her time with him, which is everyone's goal.

When a breakup happens, you'll be there to comfort her. You are in this together.

[Lilbrathotwife]

...she comes to like him/the situation more than she intended and she gets hurt at some point...

I'm assuming you mean her feelings are hurt, not physically harmed.

Some hotwives' relationships last an extraordinarily long period of time, like decades. Most don't.

The irony is that the better the relationship/sex, the more it hurts is when it ends. It's natural, and it's what you want.
She'll miss him and the way she felt with him. But that wouldn't happen unless she really enjoyed her time with him, which is everyone's goal.

When a breakup happens, you'll be there to comfort her. You are in this together.

Yessir, hurt emotionally, cause again, she has no intentions of bringing feelings into it and says she'll bail if it happens. But I just worry about like what tiedyeHotwife said about it happening and you're not expecting it, even when you don't necessarily want it because the bull is basically pushing the envelope too hard and saying all the right things that a girl with a trauma history wants to hear. I tell her all the same stuff, but she refers to me as "biased", which maybe, but my compliments are real, as an autistic, lying, even to make someone feel good hurts my soul so I try not to do it.

Our goal was to spice up our sex life, the fun and experiences with someone else are part of it, but not the primary. One case in point was I told her how much I enjoyed watching her ride him and I'd love for her to do that to me. She said then that's something we will do immediately. That's been over two weeks ago. We've barely even had sex. It feels like all we've done in increase her sexual appetite for him and not at all for me. I feel almost like a third wheel in my own sex life.

[Restarting]

Bulls regularly tell women what they want to hear.

Be patient, she's still under NRE. But speak with her. Be insistent about not being ignored sexually. Letting it pass without a challenge is tantamount to acceptance, which you don't want to communicate. Increasing her sexual appetite for him is a good thing. Listen empathically to her reasoning but make sure you are both on the same page with regard to your needs. Her enjoyment is a priority, but that should include her care for you.

Stay strong!

[Lilbrathotwife]

Bulls regularly tell women what they want to hear.

Be patient, she's still under NRE. But speak with her. Be insistent about not being ignored sexually. Letting it pass without a challenge is tantamount to acceptance, which you don't want to communicate. Increasing her sexual appetite for him is a good thing. Listen empathically to her reasoning but make sure you are both on the same page with regard to your needs. Her enjoyment is a priority, but that should include her care for you.

Stay strong!

Thank you, I really appreciate everyone on this forum.

[Lilbrathotwife]

Ok, so new question. I'm out of town for the week (since Monday) we've agreed she won't play while I'm gone. She is still talking to him everyday and I feel completely left out because I can't read the conversations. In a round about way, I asked if she'd screenshot the conversations and send them to me, she said she didn't want to do that, but is saving them for when I get back. It makes me feel some kind of way that she wouldn't screenshot them. Am I within my right to feel like that, or over thinking it?

[FNQLivin]

Probably a bit of column and column b.

[Parsifal]

Jealousy is one of those primary color emotions that turns a different shade depending on the mixture of other emotions a man may pour into it. Mixing jealousy over another man fucking my wife with the eroticism I add through compersive transference turns jealousy into something else. A similar psychic event takes place when insecurity or fear of abandonment gets cathected with compersive transference. In other words, fire and pepper both burn, but one cooks and the other seasons. We want our wives to spice our jealousy rather than leave us to burn alive in it.

[ktcouple]

Ok, so new question. I'm out of town for the week (since Monday) we've agreed she won't play while I'm gone. She is still talking to him everyday and I feel completely left out because I can't read the conversations. In a round about way, I asked if she'd screenshot the conversations and send them to me, she said she didn't want to do that, but is saving them for when I get back. It makes me feel some kind of way that she wouldn't screenshot them. Am I within my right to feel like that, or over thinking it?

I think you should keep talking with her. Why doesn’t she want to show them? Why is she keep talking with him daily if it bothers you and you asked her to tune it down? (did you?) As you mentioned, you went into this as a way to spice up your relationship, to benefit your marriage. It doesn’t sound from your posts that it does. You have all the right to feel jealous and even though it’s your emotion and for you to deal with, these type of relationships work best if you’re helping each other. From your posts it feels that either you’re not communicating enough with her or she is not listening. Or maybe you’re secretly enjoying this struggle with your angst in a cuck way? Which is fine of course, but something for you to reflect on?

[LongTermHubby]

My wife is currently in a relationship that is transactional to some degree. He wines and dines her and treats her like a queen and she sleeps with him. Interestingly, she refers to him as her lover but makes it clear she is not in love with him. That is an important distinction for her.

[Lilbrathotwife]

Ok, so new question. I'm out of town for the week (since Monday) we've agreed she won't play while I'm gone. She is still talking to him everyday and I feel completely left out because I can't read the conversations. In a round about way, I asked if she'd screenshot the conversations and send them to me, she said she didn't want to do that, but is saving them for when I get back. It makes me feel some kind of way that she wouldn't screenshot them. Am I within my right to feel like that, or over thinking it?

I think you should keep talking with her. Why doesn’t she want to show them? Why is she keep talking with him daily if it bothers you and you asked her to tune it down? (did you?) As you mentioned, you went into this as a way to spice up your relationship, to benefit your marriage. It doesn’t sound from your posts that it does. You have all the right to feel jealous and even though it’s your emotion and for you to deal with, these type of relationships work best if you’re helping each other. From your posts it feels that either you’re not communicating enough with her or she is not listening. Or maybe you’re secretly enjoying this struggle with your angst in a cuck way? Which is fine of course, but something for you to reflect on?

I enjoy the when they are together and the performance she puts on for me, but definitely not liking the struggle with the communication, unfortunately no secret cuck here, would definitely make things easier.

Yes, you are correct, to this point there hasn't been much benefit to us, I feel anyway, which was the goal. We even shit talk less (though he constantly talks sex stuff with her) than we did before we were actually doing it. As to your points about communication, I feel that's true. I try not to bring things up because I don't want to ruin her fun and be supportive and when I do bring things up she gets very defensive. She's promised to do better, but we'll see, still didn't feel supported a couple days ago when I she said "I had a constant complaint about it", but she's the one that told me not to bottle it up. And obviously she doesn't volunteer to change anything about what she's doing no matter what concerns I've voiced. In fairness, she asked me to tell her what level of communication I would be comfortable with (in a very unhappy tone) and who would want to answer that question under that circumstance? And honestly, I don't know, never felt like this before. As a supportive partner, seems like she would offer to try a few things to make me more comfortable instead of just continuing full speed ahead. Her complaint is that she says she has to talk to him to feel comfortable, like my ask is not to talk to him at all or barely, I've told her that's not the case, many times, but that's the argument she always goes back to.

I do want to point out, everything else in our relationship is absolutely amazing. She makes me feel VERY loved and secure, we are truly soulmates and act like it everyday. She is my princess and VERY spoiled, intentionally. And honestly, it feels like that is the root of a lot of this, she's finally gotten exactly what she wants and doesn't want to change anything at all about it because I've never told her "no" before, lol. To the point that she said if we stop doing this, I have to delete the videos I've taken. If she can't have playtime with him, then I can't have my videos. She's NEVER said that before. Seems a bit bratty and retaliatory to me (because she self identifies as my personal porn star and performs for ME), cause I mean, she at least got to HAVE the experience, and the videos are my way of having the experience. But regardless, I agreed. Though I'm in no way ready to ask her to stop, quite literally the communication is the ONLY problem I have. And I encourage the hell out of her on every other aspect of it. And even really the communication, there are just parts I'm not comfortable with.

So you add it all up, my fear about the communication is primed for a situation like tiedyeHotwife alluded to, and in that scenario, either she gets hurt or he gets too attached and both scenarios cause problems we vehemently agreed we wanted to avoid and damage us to at least some degree. I don't feel like I'm being selfish or unreasonable. I'm quite literally protecting her and us and making sure we accomplish the goals we both set out on this journey with.

[coastalkid]

This doesn't sound like a mutually beneficial situation. Just taking snippets of your last post/reply shows the divide between you and your wife. She gets defensive. She accuses you of constantly complaining. She asks what level of communication is acceptable in an unhappy tone. She's spoiled. You never say no. If she can't have her lover you can't have your videos. She's bratty and retaliatory. She has a "first person" experience and you have a "third person" experience. She continues full speed ahead.

You say you don't want to ruin her fun yet she doesn't concern herself with ruining your experience. You have to trust this guy doesn't have an ulterior motive as suggested by Tiedyehotwife. You have to trust that your wife will recognize an ulterior motive and reject his influence. It seems like your wife has chosen to ignore or disregard your feelings and doesn't offer anything to try things to make you feel more comfortable.

I get the impression that your wife is unwittingly ruining the experience for you. If your feelings are not acknowledged now at what point will they be? She equates your acceptance with your silence. I get the feeling that if your roles were reversed your wife would be adamantly opposed to the behavior and pump the brakes. This feels like a classic case of NRE induced hypocrisy. If your thoughts and feelings are discounted ANY complaint about an escalation in their actions will be expected to be discounted too. Eventually this will spill over into your otherwise amazing relationship because "an important to you" situation is "unimportant to her".

Altogether, you are in a tough spot. You want a hot wife but you don't like the way she implements it. If you complain and she shuts things down then you lose the hot wife. If you don't complain and give her free reign you lose the fun of enjoying having a hot wife.

[Tryagain]

I do not know much of anything about autism but I think people with that disorder have more difficulty with communication and with various other interpersonal difficulties. Your perception that you have a very good relationship (outside of this sex thing) may be faulty.

Your wife does not appear to be acting like a mature, giving, considerate person. You should think about how she really treats in other ways. I do not know how "disabled" you maybe by your autism, but people can sometimes treat the disabled in a condescending manner, ignoring their needs because they can "get away with it". It appears that if you interfere with her relationship, your relationship may be in for more real trouble than it already is as your sex life is suffering now.

You guys need to have a professional counselor help you examine it.

[bltn1966]

So my wife and I have hoped to get a long term playmate for a while. We've been in the lifestyle for 3 years and had only ever played a couple times. We met this bull about 3 weeks ago and she's fucked him 3 times and scheduling a 4th for later this week. Everything about the situation is amazing and hot, but there have been some things I thought I would really like, that it doesn't seem like I do.

She needs to have a connection with someone to sleep with them. This is where my issues come in, not the connection itself, but just the following:

He has texted her a lot every day since the first time (3 weeks now), and texts her all day. Including a good morning text every morning. And he just showers her with compliments about the kind of person she is and how proud he is of her when she tells him about something going on in her life. And has done that since day two.

He calls her baby, which I don't like, that's my pet name for her.

They send each other little kiss emojis, in essence it feels like he talks to her more like a boyfriend than an FWB.

Now, his wife is involved too and he talks about her a lot and when we play, she watches as well (I mostly just watch too). They've only been together a year and a half, but the way they interact and talk they seem to be pretty deeply in love.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone to treat her bad or like a piece of meat, but it feels like this guy is coming on a little strong and the conversations make me jealous. I really like him and again, the situations are hot. Am I being a bitch about it?

Me and my wife have the same type of relationship with an older couple. Me and the guys wife mainly watch whenever the husband and my wife have sex. We met the older couple years ago when we were swingers. We got out the swingers lifestyle but have maintain in contact with the couple. My Latina wife likes the husband because he, unlike most young guys, knows how to make love to woman. He treats her like a queen in bed. He constantly kisses her before, during and after sex. He’s white but lovingly speaks to her in Spanish while making love to her. Does that make me jealous? Hell yeah but my wife loves it. I, personally, like seeing a guy relentlessly pounding her into one of her body shaking orgasms. Watching my wife look lovingly into another man’s eyes as he slowly makes love to her is a little intimidating.

The main thing my wife likes is the fact that his wife is ok with everything. One time my wife called the guys wife when we were driving around town. My wife told her I had to work the night shift and asked if it was ok if she borrow her husband tonight. The wife happily invited my wife to spend the night with them. I was surprise when my wife did that in front of me.

As a matter of fact, my wife mainly talks to the wife more than she talks to the husband. Although the husband call my wife sweet pet names, his wife is usually present whenever he does. My wife feels like it would be disrespectful to only talk to the husband. But it’s still a little off putting when my wife lovingly talk about him but she always assure me that I’m number one in her life. She loves having sex with the older gentleman but it’s only for fun. She’s not about to mess up our lives or try to ruin his marriage