Encouraging girlfriend to explore outside in a long distance relationship

[bartleby3]

Hello fellow members,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now and have long been interested in this lifestyle of cuckolding or hotwifing. Right now we are in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend has said in the past that she is not into sharing or threesomes or anything like that but she also mentioned that she has asked male friends if they are interested in a fwb. So far she has given me conflicting signals, on the one hand saying she is totally against anything outside the relationship, on the other hand saying that she has asked people for a fwb in the past. During the last visits it became clear that her libido is higher than mine. Not by far but I like to eat her out a lot while she takes much more pleasure in piv sex.
She even complained one time that I do not initiate enough.

But here’s the thing. I don’t like piv sex too much because I often have a hard time keeping my dick hard for a long time or long enough to give her enough pleasure. In my previous relationships I used to eat a lot of pussy and have her sit on my face, often we spent more time on me pleasuring her orally than anything else.

I think I like to be submissive when it comes to sex so being a cuckold or serving my partner sexually is a huge turn on for me.

Now I am considering letting my girlfriend know that I would support her looking for a more capable male companion when I am away.

Please let me know how I could encourage her towards looking for some action when I am away. I should add that I am comfortable enough in our relationship that I don’t fear that she would leave me for someone else because we are getting along very well outside the bedroom. I also don’t think that she is disappointed in our sex life, but I think it’s the best there is. I really want her to enjoy her sexuality and help her in any way possible.

Do you have any idea how to approach this topic it nudge my girlfriend towards it?

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum bartleby3.

[Wantsomefunto]

You just need to be open in communication with the gf. Ask what it is she is comfortable with and tell her what it is you like. Let her move at her pace.

[bbarnsworth]

My first reaction is; be careful what you ask for, you just might get it...

There's a few potential issues I see here;

• This being a long distance relationship, there are already pressures on the relationship. Adding in trying to balance her having other sexual partners could induce a great deal of stress at time when you are not physically in the same place. That is a potential issue.

• This being a relationship that's just a year old could itself generate problems. It's hard to know; I've no idea of the depths of your relationship. But, it could be asking for trouble.

• She obviously knows now of your difficult in maintaining erections. Are you prepared for her to go absolutely crazy over a guy who can not only maintain his erection but maybe come multiple times in a single session? I'm taking a wild guess that you are <35 years old. Many guys in that demographic can cum multiple times in a session, and some even maintain their erections after cumming. I was able to do that when I was young.

I might be scratching the surface here. There's a minefield here you need to be careful about. It might be best that this remain a fantasy until the two of you are living together.

Also, regarding your erection issues; see a doctor. If you are under 35, it's not normal for you to have this issue. There may be things that can be done (other than the usual pills) to help address this. Plus, there could be underlying issues that are complication your ability to maintain an erection.

[jesandjerry]

If you are sure you want your girlfriend to become a hotwife and that you will not regret it, then a long distance relationship is the easiest way.

Here is my experience:
My girlfriend hat to work abroad for two years in which we would only see each other one or two times per year on vacations.

I knew I wanted not to be without sex for such a long time but she would not accept me cheating.
I also new that in such a long distance relationship there is a risk that one of us will cheat. I have had a very bad experience in this regard.

When I asked her whether she could agree for that time being to have an open relationship she thought I was nuts.

But I explained to her the reason. No couple wants to cheat but most fail in the long term. Therefore it is pretty stupid to simply say that is not going to happen. It is much more wise to plan for if it happens and it can save your relationship from much bigger harm. Because if you fail and you do not want to loose your partner, you do not dare to tell her (and the other way around) but knowing this creates mistrust and if someone cheats and the other does find out, he will never trust again. Not the physical act but the loose of trust is often the beginning of the end of a relationship.

She told me that she would never have sex with another man and therefore the arrangement of an open relationship would only be for my benefit... but she also saw that I had a point and finally she agreed.

Six months nothing happened. Both of us were not having any sex. We stayed in contact by having video calls once in a while and almost every day we texted each other to keep us up to date about our life. On the weekend she sometimes went out with work colleagues (mostly only female group), sometimes with the other girls she shared a flat with.
Then it the day came where I had a one night stand with another women.
I immediately "confessed" it. Though it was "legal" according to our open-relationship-while-having-long-distance-relationship-agreement I was nervous how she took it. She did not say much. She just wanted to know how it happened and when I told her that I will never see this girl again, she was pleased and did not start a fight.

Only one week later she texted me: "I am going out tonight"
That was not unusual. I replied "Have fun, with who?" (meaning her girl - flat or girl - work group) then I went to bed early.
Next morning I saw that I got a message from her in the middle of the night: "I got fucked!"

Only two weeks later she had another ONS with another guy. Maybe she wanted to show me that when I can get another girl, she will much easier get other guys...

After she got laid but these two total strangers, she got a taste for it. With the open relationship I opened the Pandora's box. From this point on she was the one who did not want to take back the open relationship arrangement and she had much more sex than I.

But I am very sure, if I had not suggested an open relationship:
- she would never have suggested it
- she probably would not have cheated on me and if, she would never have told me and go back to a monogamous relationship
- if somebody would have told her something about wife sharing / cuckolding, she would have said that is pervert disgusting stuff.

I did not want to become a cuckold and never believed where the arrangement would end. Recently, four years after it started, we had our most extreme situation in that regard. While I was cleaning the house she was talking for over an hour on a phone with a guy she got to know the same day online. She did not care whether I was listening or not and informed me later that she will have a guest tonight. He only stayed for about an hour.... with her in our bedroom, while I had to wait in the living room. ...hearing her moaning loudly and our bed hammering against the wall... After the guy finished he left immediately. When he passed me, walking towards the door, he had a huge smile on his face an said casually "That was fun, I don't mind helping out again".

[bartleby3]

My first reaction is; be careful what you ask for, you just might get it...

There's a few potential issues I see here;

• This being a long distance relationship, there are already pressures on the relationship. Adding in trying to balance her having other sexual partners could induce a great deal of stress at time when you are not physically in the same place. That is a potential issue.

• This being a relationship that's just a year old could itself generate problems. It's hard to know; I've no idea of the depths of your relationship. But, it could be asking for trouble.

• She obviously knows now of your difficult in maintaining erections. Are you prepared for her to go absolutely crazy over a guy who can not only maintain his erection but maybe come multiple times in a single session? I'm taking a wild guess that you are <35 years old. Many guys in that demographic can cum multiple times in a session, and some even maintain their erections after cumming. I was able to do that when I was young.

I might be scratching the surface here. There's a minefield here you need to be careful about. It might be best that this remain a fantasy until the two of you are living together.

Also, regarding your erection issues; see a doctor. If you are under 35, it's not normal for you to have this issue. There may be things that can be done (other than the usual pills) to help address this. Plus, there could be underlying issues that are complication your ability to maintain an erection.

Thank you bbarnsworth for your words of caution. I did get checked out and there is nothing wrong with me it seems, I am probably just naturally like this which I have come to accept. I am absolutely fine with her being intimate with someone else because our bond is very strong despite my shortcomings in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom we are very harmonious and get along really well, especially in our daily life (when we are together).

There has been little development so far because I want to take it slow and not give her the feeling of being pushed towards anything. We recently had a conversation about her looking for a second job to make some extra money and I suggested jokingly that the only part-time job that generates a decent income would be having a sugar daddy which she didn't brush off in strong terms. I also encouraged her to get out of the house more frequently and reconnect with some friends, male and female. I also reassured her that I wouldn't mind her meeting male friends for coffee or food because I think it is healthy to have friends of different genders.

If you have any recommendations please let me know.

[truesub]

Initiating this LS from LDR is usually a very bad idea. You have a good chance of simply losing her.

[bbarnsworth]

My only recommendation is as before; don't try this until you're back living together. Truesub above is right.

[bartleby3]

Hello lovely people,
I just wanted to give a short update. Not much happened since my last post until a week ago when a friend sent me a screenshot of her active profile on a dating site, weirdly enough this didn’t bother me much since I don’t think she lost interest in me - our communication is as frequent and as positive as always and we are already planning to meet up again soon.
The idea that she is looking for someone to have a little fun with is actually very exciting to me but there could be the risk of her falling in love and leaving me which doesn’t seem very likely now but you never know.

So here is my question: Should I confront her about it and use the opportunity to have a discussion about my interest in being a cuck or is it better to wait and see how the vibe is next time we meet in person? Did anyone have a similar situation once and how did it play out?