10yrs and I Need advice

[philandhollie]

Hi, so here is the background. We have been in the lifestyle for over 10 years now, it has developed over the years as it normally does. We started out wanting MFM only, we explored couples and then Hotwife stuff. We kind of settled on a mix, we sometimes meet together and have MFM and Hollie also now meets solo as well. This lifestyle has been a fantastic adventure, it has made us stronger as a couple for sure. Our communication is fantastic and we discuss things in great detail. Overall we have loved the whole journey and still do.

Hollie started off metting solo with guys we had previously met as a couple, this then progressed to her meeting men that I had not met or even spoken to before. We both enjoyed this dynamic, it was challenging at first but we quickly found our feet and have loved it. One of then men she met was different, she came home after her first meet and was so excited. He dominated her in a way that she had not experianced before, and he is also rather large. Her joy about what she had just experianced was clear to see and we both enjoyed talking about her experiance. He had experaince in the lifestyle and talked about filming what they did and video calling me etc.

So moving on Hollie enjoyed her new man, it was clear she was so turned on by him. She was excited to see what new experiances he could show her. Hollie always communicated with me when she was meeting someone, sent me pics and genrally kept me informed. Pics and commication is so important to me in this experiance. So to cut to the chase, she had met this guy a few times and was comfortable with him. Then one night I did not get any pics or anything, I mentioned it but did not make a big deal of it. Then it happend again, she said whenever he takes a pic he goes soft and it spoils the moment. We talked a lot and Hollie understands that pics/videos are a important part of it for me to feel involved, she also discussed it with him and that they need to up their game.

So this Friday, they meet again. Hollie comes home and I am so excited. First thing she says is that I am going to be annoyed. I ask why and she says they did not take any pics. I took it on the chin and we discussed the evening and reclaimed. Following morining I bring it up and we talk, she is very appologetic and says it wont happen again. We dont argue as that is not us, its just a honest and sensible conversation.

Thing for me is this is the third time, should I just move on as I know that in the heat of the moment it is not easy to grab a phone and take pics etc? Anyway I would appreciate your thoughts/advice?

[hornedhubby]

Let it go.

Accept her apology and hope it doesn't happen again. She probably wants him to take pix for you. He seems resistant to that, in part due to performance issues.

Maybe suggest that she facetime you next time while he takes her from behind. Ask her to take charge of that part of the dynamic, so that you can feel involved and appreciated.

[philandhollie]

Let it go.

Accept her apology and hope it doesn't happen again. She probably wants him to take pix for you. He seems resistant to that, in part due to performance issues.

Maybe suggest that she facetime you next time while he takes her from behind. Ask her to take charge of that part of the dynamic, so that you can feel involved and appreciated.

Totally get the above, after the second time it happened we discussed it all in great detail as we always do. She understood my point and feelings and it was understood that she would make sure it was not going to be a issue again (Facetime & static cameras were discussed at this point as well).

I think its playing on my mind because of the above discussion and how clear we both were moving forward, yet it has happend again.

[funfortwo]

Good Morning,
My wife has had a BF for almost 3 years now and she enjoys her dates with him. During that time, ALL of her dates have been solo and it took, almost, a year to send me a video. Initially, she would send me pictures of her outfit before he arrived and the occasional "G" rated pictures with her BF while she was on her date. It took 10 years to build up to a point where she felt comfortable being a hotwife, but now she embraces it. In her words, she doesn't feel comfortable with me being there because she said it would feel as if it was a performance, rather than just being herself. She also worried about my possible reaction. I accepted this fact but mentioned about some videos would be beneficial for me. After about a year, she made a video and has continued to make them occasionally. She enjoys the videos, and we watch them together which enhances our sex life but also advised that she doesn't want a video every time, because it disrupts them while they are having time together. For me? I don't push and realize that she entered this LS at my request, and that she now truly enjoys her dates (as well as the reclamation afterwards). It's now become more about her than me, and that enhances every aspect of our dynamic. If she is happy and pleased, then so am I. Everyone is different, but that's how it works for us and we're enjoying the ride.

[sconesy73]

I very occasionally get sent a pic of S taken by her bull but never of them fucking or anything particularly explicit. She enjoys telling me in great detail what they did and every now and then I get to participate but that's it really.

The way I see it is her time with her bull is her time and I want her to enjoy herself, not be worried about taking pics or videos.

[Flavius]

Was the taking of pictures and videos and sending or showing them to you something that you had discussed before, was it a set rule?

Anyway, the question you may need to ask yourself is whether pictures and videos are a real need for you. Or could you do without, considering that he gives Hollie fanny flutters? Are you excited enough for her to waive that rule if it has been one?

We talked about that a long time ago. My wife made pretty clear that taking pictures and even sending texts are disturbances that interfere with her arousal and fun. For the sake of her enjoyment, I have never asked her again.

In the end only you know how important those illustrations are for you.

[love84]

I would let it go.

Maybe after all is said and done what really matters is her enjoyment, her sharing that with you in other ways, and the trust you have in each other.

For whatever reason (I suspect it's more than losing his edge) the guy has an issue with it but otherwise she really enjoys her time with him. Not sure pressing the pics & video issue is worth messing with that and/or ultimately putting her in an uncomfortable position.

I think as long as I was comfortable with her openness and honesty as well as her interest in making sure I'm in a good place post-date I would write this off as a minor issue that I probably need to accept and move on.

[philandhollie]

Thanks for the replies. To try and answer some of the comments. Pics have always played a big part in this lifestyle for us and even before we discussed getting into it. I suppose whats bothering me is more than the actual pics, its because we both understand the importance of them to me, and also that we discussed in detail after her previous 2 meets when none were taken that I was not totally comfortable with it and we both agreed that it should not happen again. But it did.

However, I do agree I should probably move on.

[love84]

Being that this is something that's been an important piece of the puzzle, I get it. It's a tough one. My sense is that she may be walking a very fine line here.

On one hand she's got this newish man that checks all the boxes and shows her the kind of good time that makes the lifestyle a real joy for a hw. On the other hand, she loves you and wants to respect and fulfill your needs and desires. Gotta be tough at times for a woman to keep both sides of that coin shiny and happy.

The biggest mistake I made, and from what I gather this is not uncommon, was at times making the experience too much about me and my desires. YMMV.

Again, if the trust, openness, honesty, communication are there, that's what counts and the rest is small potatoes.

I would encourage you to take this to the "ask a HW" thread to get a few women's perspectives. Wish both of you the very best!

[ferrisandrews]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. Some men (and women) just don't like the idea of being on display. If he has had performance issues in the past then the pics and videos may just make that worse and ruin the evening. All bulls bring something to the table and each have their own preferences. This one just isn't going to produce a lot of pics and videos, at least for now. Time can change things.

I would let things play out for a while and see what shakes out. If he's married or otherwise taken (or worried about his job finding out), that would explain why the pics or vids may be bothering him. You could have her suggest bdsm masks to see if that's even an option. His performance issues may be coming from being watched in general or they may be coming from the fear of being found out. It's difficult to say what might help. Either way just present ideas or suggestions to her and let her discuss with him at her own pace.

Good luck!

[weluvtoodoit]

I totally get what the OP is feeling. It has been some years now since my wife played with a lover who she had taken an overnight motorcycle trip with. I had asked for pics multiple times before they left. I was very disappointed when I never got any pics. There were not even any G rated pics of them together. At the time I was upset with her (and him), but she explained it to me that he did not feel comfortable taking pics of them together. I still wish I had visual proof to jerk off to, but time has softened the disappointment for me. It really was a great night for them and I am glad it was something that she enjoyed and has wonderful memories of. There is zero animosity towards him today and we still remain great friends, even though he got remarried and my wife and him have stopped having sex. Hopefully you can get passed the issue of no pictures for now, and reflect later on how great it was for her at that time in her life.

[Cdncuck]

Hi, so here is the background. We have been in the lifestyle for over 10 years now, it has developed over the years as it normally does. We started out wanting MFM only, we explored couples and then Hotwife stuff. We kind of settled on a mix, we sometimes meet together and have MFM and Hollie also now meets solo as well. This lifestyle has been a fantastic adventure, it has made us stronger as a couple for sure. Our communication is fantastic and we discuss things in great detail. Overall we have loved the whole journey and still do.

Hollie started off metting solo with guys we had previously met as a couple, this then progressed to her meeting men that I had not met or even spoken to before. We both enjoyed this dynamic, it was challenging at first but we quickly found our feet and have loved it. One of then men she met was different, she came home after her first meet and was so excited. He dominated her in a way that she had not experianced before, and he is also rather large. Her joy about what she had just experianced was clear to see and we both enjoyed talking about her experiance. He had experaince in the lifestyle and talked about filming what they did and video calling me etc.

So moving on Hollie enjoyed her new man, it was clear she was so turned on by him. She was excited to see what new experiances he could show her. Hollie always communicated with me when she was meeting someone, sent me pics and genrally kept me informed. Pics and commication is so important to me in this experiance. So to cut to the chase, she had met this guy a few times and was comfortable with him. Then one night I did not get any pics or anything, I mentioned it but did not make a big deal of it. Then it happend again, she said whenever he takes a pic he goes soft and it spoils the moment. We talked a lot and Hollie understands that pics/videos are a important part of it for me to feel involved, she also discussed it with him and that they need to up their game.

So this Friday, they meet again. Hollie comes home and I am so excited. First thing she says is that I am going to be annoyed. I ask why and she says they did not take any pics. I took it on the chin and we discussed the evening and reclaimed. Following morining I bring it up and we talk, she is very appologetic and says it wont happen again. We dont argue as that is not us, its just a honest and sensible conversation.

Thing for me is this is the third time, should I just move on as I know that in the heat of the moment it is not easy to grab a phone and take pics etc? Anyway I would appreciate your thoughts/advice?

Maybe there's some aspect of the relationship with him she doesn't want to share with you. It's possible and normal in some circumstances. Personally I say count your blessings. Enjoy her stories and the reclaiming.

I like pictures too but became a bit of a nag about it. My wife said to me, "I can take pictures or I can fuck. Pick one. " That kind of simplified things for me. We can't always get everything we want. Rather than be unhappy about what you don't have, enjoy what you do have.

[Cdncuck]

Hi, so here is the background. We have been in the lifestyle for over 10 years now, it has developed over the years as it normally does. We started out wanting MFM only, we explored couples and then Hotwife stuff. We kind of settled on a mix, we sometimes meet together and have MFM and Hollie also now meets solo as well. This lifestyle has been a fantastic adventure, it has made us stronger as a couple for sure. Our communication is fantastic and we discuss things in great detail. Overall we have loved the whole journey and still do.

Hollie started off metting solo with guys we had previously met as a couple, this then progressed to her meeting men that I had not met or even spoken to before. We both enjoyed this dynamic, it was challenging at first but we quickly found our feet and have loved it. One of then men she met was different, she came home after her first meet and was so excited. He dominated her in a way that she had not experianced before, and he is also rather large. Her joy about what she had just experianced was clear to see and we both enjoyed talking about her experiance. He had experaince in the lifestyle and talked about filming what they did and video calling me etc.

So moving on Hollie enjoyed her new man, it was clear she was so turned on by him. She was excited to see what new experiances he could show her. Hollie always communicated with me when she was meeting someone, sent me pics and genrally kept me informed. Pics and commication is so important to me in this experiance. So to cut to the chase, she had met this guy a few times and was comfortable with him. Then one night I did not get any pics or anything, I mentioned it but did not make a big deal of it. Then it happend again, she said whenever he takes a pic he goes soft and it spoils the moment. We talked a lot and Hollie understands that pics/videos are a important part of it for me to feel involved, she also discussed it with him and that they need to up their game.

So this Friday, they meet again. Hollie comes home and I am so excited. First thing she says is that I am going to be annoyed. I ask why and she says they did not take any pics. I took it on the chin and we discussed the evening and reclaimed. Following morining I bring it up and we talk, she is very appologetic and says it wont happen again. We dont argue as that is not us, its just a honest and sensible conversation.

Thing for me is this is the third time, should I just move on as I know that in the heat of the moment it is not easy to grab a phone and take pics etc? Anyway I would appreciate your thoughts/advice?

Maybe there's some aspect of the relationship with him she doesn't want to share with you. It's possible and normal in some circumstances. Personally I say count your blessings. Enjoy her stories and the reclaiming.

I like pictures too but became a bit of a nag about it. My wife said to me, "I can take pictures or I can fuck. Pick one. " That kind of simplified things for me. We can't always get everything we want. Rather than be unhappy about what you don't have, enjoy what you do have.

[JRE2]

We've never taken pictures of her with another man, since we agree that in this day and age, pictures are forever. if they induced arousal when viewed they would soon be seen around the world. My imagination is powerful, so I have no need to see her sexual adventures memorialized for the masses. We have enjoyed many threesomes as well as many intimate visitors to our home, so she has no problem with me watching them in action. She can do whatever makes her and him happy without worry that our private lives would unnecessarily be exposed.

[D+D]

Let it go if she still tells you everything and you still have great reclaim sex. When my wife comes home excited and tells me what happened and what they talked about, i know that I’m still her best friend and she loves me. I think pics are great but I want them to have their special time together too so it doesn’t bother me not getting pics. Obviously your wife loves you, you still make love, and she tells you about her time with him. You’re good!

[Justforfun65]

My thoughts are that if you both talked about this , and this was agreed on by you both. She needs to send you those pictures and or videos. After all you are the husband and these are your needs to be involved in the pleasure that she is receiving from him. If he is refusing to have the pictures sent , then she should be sending this guy away. The important part of your sharing your wife is what you both get out of this kink. The other guy is merely a prop in this equation.

[dreamer72]

I would say that you're probably making that classic, common cuckold anxiety mistake and making it all about you with complete disregard for your wife's pleasure. She has transitioned to that place where she is doing this for HER pleasure and fulfillment and your focus needs to be on her her pleasure, not your own. She is not your personal porn star to follow your direction and demands, she is your hotwife and whatever gives her pleasure IS your pleasure. So if she's telling you that taking pics is disruptive to the pleasure of her and her lover then you need to let go of trying to control things and stop making it about you. Give them their space and time together and be supportive and encouraging and perhaps in time they would agree to let you watch and take pics from time to time. Not every time, but occasionally. Your wife has moved into a fuller place of embodying the Hotwife and prioritizing her own pleasure, now you need to accept that your role has shifted as well, and embrace being the loving, supportive cuckold that also prioritizes her pleasure above your own. You're a REAL cuck now.....LIVE IT!

[BrunetteLover]

It is not easy to be the man in a sexual relationship and the photographer at the same time. I have given up, it just does not work for us.

My wife has a man who is incredible at doing both at the same time, but that is a rare talent.

[DavaoMike]

My wife’s boyfriend, Adam, has lived with us for years. He’s almost like a second husband to my wife, Maricel, though my role as husband has never been compromised or questioned. We don’t do the video or photo thing, since Maricel and Adam make love spontaneously. Occasionally he joins us in our master bedroom and makes love with Maricel while I’m on the other side of the bed, sometimes sleeping, but usually not. I’ve never found it necessary to video or take pictures of anything.

DM

[Restarting]

So this Friday, they meet again. Hollie comes home and I am so excited. First thing she says is that I am going to be annoyed. I ask why and she says they did not take any pics. I took it on the chin and we discussed the evening and reclaimed. Following morining I bring it up and we talk, she is very appologetic and says it wont happen again. We dont argue as that is not us, its just a honest and sensible conversation.

Thing for me is this is the third time, should I just move on as I know that in the heat of the moment it is not easy to grab a phone and take pics etc? Anyway I would appreciate your thoughts/advice?

Phil,
I agree with the majority of replies regarding the focus on your wife's pleasure being paramount.
My wife is somewhat technically challenged so I can understand the aspect of distraction for either one of them.

You said Hollie understands and apologizes. But, actions speak louder than words. It's not clear how long she has been seeing him. Is NRE still in play? It can obviously influence her decisions.

Whether you relax your stance on video/pics or not is certainly an option. You need to dig deep to get comfortable there. Breaking commitments, breaking trust, on the other hand, is a disaster waiting to happen imo. It's a major red flag that should not be ignored.

To me, trust is at the root of successful relationships. She made a commitment when she said it won't happen again.

You've been at this for 10 years now. I'm confident you'll both find your way to common ground. I'm a big proponent of the LS. For me, though, I would consider pausing the relationship with her new man until this difference between say and do can be reconciled. Trust in a marriage is non-negotiable.

Wishing you and Hollie the best!

[philandhollie]

Hi all, I have enjoyed reading and taking on board all of your replies and I thank you all for taking the time to give me your view point. I am sure there is a middle ground somewhere to be had in this, but as many stated above and I agree that I enjoy her having a good time, this is what excites me and should be the main focus.

Thanks Again

[JeffBingham]

I would say that you're probably making that classic, common cuckold anxiety mistake and making it all about you with complete disregard for your wife's pleasure. She has transitioned to that place where she is doing this for HER pleasure and fulfillment and your focus needs to be on her her pleasure, not your own. She is not your personal porn star to follow your direction and demands, she is your hotwife and whatever gives her pleasure IS your pleasure. So if she's telling you that taking pics is disruptive to the pleasure of her and her lover then you need to let go of trying to control things and stop making it about you. Give them their space and time together and be supportive and encouraging and perhaps in time they would agree to let you watch and take pics from time to time. Not every time, but occasionally. Your wife has moved into a fuller place of embodying the Hotwife and prioritizing her own pleasure, now you need to accept that your role has shifted as well, and embrace being the loving, supportive cuckold that also prioritizes her pleasure above your own. You're a REAL cuck now.....LIVE IT!

I feel like this response would be totally appropriate for the Cuckold forum. On this Hotwife forum, not so much

[dreamer72]

I would say that you're probably making that classic, common cuckold anxiety mistake and making it all about you with complete disregard for your wife's pleasure. She has transitioned to that place where she is doing this for HER pleasure and fulfillment and your focus needs to be on her her pleasure, not your own. She is not your personal porn star to follow your direction and demands, she is your hotwife and whatever gives her pleasure IS your pleasure. So if she's telling you that taking pics is disruptive to the pleasure of her and her lover then you need to let go of trying to control things and stop making it about you. Give them their space and time together and be supportive and encouraging and perhaps in time they would agree to let you watch and take pics from time to time. Not every time, but occasionally. Your wife has moved into a fuller place of embodying the Hotwife and prioritizing her own pleasure, now you need to accept that your role has shifted as well, and embrace being the loving, supportive cuckold that also prioritizes her pleasure above your own. You're a REAL cuck now.....LIVE IT!

I feel like this response would be totally appropriate for the Cuckold forum. On this Hotwife forum, not so much

Not really sure how that makes a difference. Sunce he's not a hot wife, he probably shouldn't have posted it here. I just responded to where the post was placed.

[CUCKCOUPLENY]

Just some thoughts; I agree with some of the previous posts. This is not about you and it is about her enjoyment. I never saw pictures of her until a few years of her relationship. Because I was well behaved, I was allowed to take pictures on my birthday. If you make a pest of yourself, you will alienate your wife and could risk losing her. If you interject yourself into her enjoyment, you risk losing her. You have to be 100% supportive and not create extra anxiety. You have to be 110% the best cuckold husband and go overboard to try to accommodate. You have to make sure you do become an object of derision and the boyfriend wants to take your wife away from you. You have to be positive supportive and an amazing husband that she would never want to leave you. Do not be associated with giving your wife grief. I am speaking from experience.

[CUCKCOUPLENY]

Just some thoughts; I agree with some of the previous posts. This is not about you and it is about her enjoyment. I never saw pictures of my wife until a few years of her relationship. Because I was well behaved, I was allowed to take pictures on my birthday. If you make a pest of yourself, you will alienate your wife and could risk losing her. If you interject yourself into her enjoyment, you risk losing her. You have to be 100% supportive and not create extra anxiety. You have to be 110% the best cuckold husband and go overboard to try to accommodate. You have to make sure you do become an object of derision and the boyfriend wants to take your wife away from you. You have to be positive supportive and an amazing husband that she would never want to leave you. Do not be associated with giving your wife grief. I am speaking from experience.