Is it worth advancing from the wannabe stage?

[wannabecuck27]

I've been a long time lurker here, and have had the 'sharing' bug ever since I was a teenager. I've tried to get rid of this part of me, but I keep coming back to it. I'm back visiting here again after a long break. I'm in better control of it now, but there's no denying that the lifestyle turns me on.

I've realised that my feelings reach a crescendo when I'm horny, and right after I finish masturbating and fantasising about seeing my wife with someone else and I feel guilt, shame and fear.Guilt about falling for this again, shameful for having thought of my wife like that and fearful of losing my relationship.

I really want to explore and see if I can handle it, but before I even bring this up with my wife, is it worth going from fantasy to reality? My fantasies end as soon as I ejaculate and I still have my relationship and my wife's respect for me intact. This may/may not be the case if this happens for real. How do I begin exploring this?

[truesub]

My fantasies end as soon as I ejaculate

Here's your answer. Don't.

[tiedyeHotwife]

It is a progression. Step after step of getting comfortable with what you previously were UNcomfortable with.
My husbands rule for himself was to never let himself cum until after.

You are most likely going to head down this path. Once tasted, most can't help themselves.
YOU owe it to your wife to be in control of your angst/jealousy and be positive and supportive of her after any sexual event as a hotwife. If you can't handle that - then do not proceed.

There is no "there, there". There will never be a time that you will be angst free if you already are experiencing such.
Another of my husbands rules is that "it needs to be 1% hotter than it is angsty. And you have to stay on the good side of that.
Someday in the future, you are going to wake up next to your naked wife, and she will be filled with another mans cum.
She will still smell like him. In the morning, the other mans cum will still be coating her pussy, leaking out.
You will kiss her, but her lips will still be feeling HIS lips.
You will fuck her, but she WILL be thinking of HIS cock. His moans as he came in her.
And she will still be tingling from the orgasms she had on him.

All that probably turns you on right now.
Rub one out and re-read it.
Can you truly handle that moment?
Love her even though she is filled with HIS cum and still filled with thoughts of HIM?

Best advice is that of the poster above. Don't.
But when you DO. Be prepared. Your reactions decide if it will be a fun game you both love, or if you are damaging your marraige.

[wannabecuck27]

Thanks for taking out the time to respond, tiedyeHotwife.

Yes, I understand that I would have to manage my emotions and that I will be angsty, but it's that gut wrenching angst that makes it work for me.

I take full responsibility for things in my control, and I'm willing to work towards building a tolerance. But will that work for my wife too? I know you can't answer for her, but I'm now asking this question in context of a husband-wife relationship, how would a regular wife react to her husband asking her if she'd be open to being shared? Is there going back from such a situation?

I know my wife will hear me out and give me a chance to put forward my thoughts, I'm very confident of that. But will she lose the respect she had for me, just a little?

[wannabecuck27]

My fantasies end as soon as I ejaculate

Here's your answer. Don't.

Thanks for responding, truesub. I'm curious to know, do your thoughts and feelings remain the same even after you've just come? What happens when you go through the post nut clarity phase?

For me, my mind returns to 'normal', I want to enjoy the moment I'm in, not think too much and move on. But then the fantasy slowly starts to develop in my mind like a slow burn, and then I've to give in again. What does your experience look like?

[Hopingshewill]

I am wondering the same thing and it would be useful to hear from some experienced guys about their first. Were they shocked, turned on, embarrassed. I can imagine the first time you see another man bringing your wife to an orgasm is life altering.

[truesub]

For me, my mind returns to 'normal', I want to enjoy the moment I'm in, not think too much and move on. But then the fantasy slowly starts to develop in my mind like a slow burn, and then I've to give in again. What does your experience look like?

Pretty much the same. Fantasies are just that, fantasies. This particular LS is extremely niche and goes way beyond harmless kinks, so trust us experienced pervs, you don't really need to explore it for real.

[doc73]

If you have to ask this and are doubting, then it is not for you.

[wannabecuck27]

If you have to ask this and are doubting, then it is not for you.

Why is that? I'm sure others would have gone through similar, if not the same thoughts? I'm just asking for the opinions of people who have gone down this path to understand if this may be something I want to pursue. Just trying to dip my toe (nail) first before I take the plunge

[BCiym]

At the onset I think your question is totally appropriate. This is high stakes stuff and you should think it over very carefully and solicit the opinions of others.

There is, of course, an enormous difference between jerking off thinking about your wife fucking someone else and it happening for real.

In my case I didn’t fantasize a lot about Karen going to bed with other men before it actually happened. One day I stumbled across the fact that Karen was “fooling around" and instead of going bat shit crazy I was, to both our surprise, very accepting of it. I never once told her to stop.

The only problem was once she became angry with me because she felt I was too encouraging of it. She snapped “I’m doing this for ME, not for YOU!” I backed off and respected it was fundamentally her choice, not mine.

I knew I wasn’t reacting “normally," but I didn’t waste time musing over whether that meant I was a “beta” as opposed to an “alpha” or any of that bullshit. I had past girlfriends who “cheated” and I was pretty accepting of it even though friends told me I was an idiot for being that way. For whatever reason, I’m wired up differently than other men.

That’s not to say it was always "smooth sailing." The first time Karen went to see her lover with my knowledge I felt light headed and nauseous. I was afraid I signed off on flushing my marriage down the toilet.

At the same time I discovered that nothing matched the intensity of the orgasms I had knowing Karen’s in bed with another guy. Times when she’d be away overnight I'd jerk off, cum, fall asleep, wake up and jerk off again, cum, and fall asleep. That would go on all night and I was a mess in the morning. In between I did worry it was a huge mistake, but I was able to get past that. When she’d come home I didn’t prod her to tell me about it.

Again, the only advice I have for you is to think this over very carefully. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t take the initiative and encourage your wife to sleep with another man. If anything I think all you can do is drop hints that you look down on husbands who are horrible to their wives when they find out they sex with someone else. Then I’d leave it alone. You don’t want to say anything that leads her to think you want to see other women.

I don’t like to invoke rules, but I really think being a cuckold is about fully respecting her needs and desires, not yours.

If your gut tells you that this is a bridge too far then don’t raise it at all. Keep jerking off and maybe chat with other husbands who are the same as you. Nothing wrong with that.

[SlimScott]

Questioning is normal and reasonable.

In my opinion, your wife will not lose respect for you if you discuss your fantasies and feelings. She may be surprised and think the fantasies are strange, but she will most likely appreciate the fact that you are sharing.

We are all different. Asking if it is worth it is a smart thing to do. Many here would answer "YES!!"
You'll never know unless you explore further.

[Drakebelg]

I'm still a wannabe but after telling my wife 2 years ago it has been really exciting and good for both us and our relationship. We play around with flr, chastity, penis sleeves roleplaying, her looking at other men, flirting, and very open now about our fantasies and hopes.

If you are not sure this has great tips on how to check it out for both of you.
https://femalereverence.com/how-to-test ... uckolding/

Flirting Field Test
Roleplaying
Fantasy Exploration Through Erotica or Pornography
Create a Cuckolding Agreement
Fantasy Sharing Journal
Cuckolding Simulation Game

[ferrisandrews]

Asking and having doubts is expected and it doesn't at all mean anything relating to whether you go forward with your fantasy. It just means you have questions and doubts. All of us were where you are at one stage or another. It's just growth.

What may be more interesting is the seemingly large gap between being so turned on before orgasm and so conflicted after. This has nothing to do with her or the lifestyle in general and everything to do with where you probably are at this point in time mentally and emotionally. It takes a lot of time and experience to square the sexual urges you naturally have with how they fit in with your social (and religious / political if relevant) expectations. e.g. You may think of yourself as Dominant 100% of the time, but the reality may be you sometimes crave submission. You may be a fan of the ladies, but your body may crave a wider variety once in a while. Get to know yourself much better and do a lot of researching and experimentation until you're pretty clear on what you want, so that you don't worry so much about the why.

I think one danger some run into in the very beginning stages of their experimentation is when they involve someone else too quickly. Like you said, after orgasm things can feel very differently. It will be difficult enough to get someone else on the same page as you without your second guesses and conflict stepping in and confusing things. To a certain extent you'll always have questions and doubt. At a certain level, there will always be some level of regret, similar to having regret after purchasing something and then wondering if you should have later (buyer's remorse). Having the experience and maturity to handle those feelings is the trick to handling the downs of this lifestyle so you can enjoy the ups. Believe me there will always be both.

Once you're pretty sure yourself (you will never be 100% sure) that you want to pursue this, then think about how you can introduce it to her in a non-threatening and exploratory way. Tell her about that dream you had, that hot video you watched, etc. Think about ways you can bring it up in a way that will be more fun than threatening to her. She probably has some fantasies that she's not comfortable sharing with you yet, maybe she'll follow your lead and begin including you in some of those thoughts eventually.

Good luck!

[Gmor]

This is a very good question for many wannabes - like myself.

On the one hand I’m obsessed with fantasizing about my wife other men giving her the type of sex that I only dream of. This is what I think of in 100% of the times in my sexual moments but I recognize that actually becoming a cuckold comes with some risk.

My wife knows about my fantasies and will ‘play along’ with me while I masturbate; telling me stories in 3rd person, which are obviously true stories of her sexual pas. However she refuses to consider being an actual hotwife. She doesn’t want to view herself this way and it doesn’t align with how she thinks about herself. She in no way condemns my fantasies and even supports them with her explicit stories but she vehemently states that actually becoming a hotwife would change everything about our marriage and for her not in a good way. She doesn’t want to be married to a man who would actually allow her to take on other men.

To further complicate things my wife has cheated on me. It was essentially a sexual affair and the she chose the man of her (and my) fantasy: fit, extremely well endowed and great in bed being able to give her orgasms). I’m an average ‘dad-bod’, small penis and have never been able to bring her to orgasm during sex. She feels tremendous guilt about her affair and is conscious of the emasculation she feels it’s caused by specifically selecting an affair partner who she knew was hugely endowed. The fact that he was so successful with her - in contrast to all my sexual failings - only compounds this. Even though she also knows this is central to my fantasy and can so easily drive me wild by providing details of how big and good he was in bed.

She still maintains that I wouldn’t like it if it was perment and moreover she wouldn’t like what it would do to our relationship.

[bighelmet]

I am personally happy keeping my fantasies to myself, and letting them evolve into a number of different things - I feel like opening up to my wife would not be worth it - and that she'd be upset, and things would get weird!

[Mumfred]

What may be more interesting is the seemingly large gap between being so turned on before orgasm and so conflicted after. This has nothing to do with her or the lifestyle in general and everything to do with where you probably are at this point in time mentally and emotionally. It takes a lot of time and experience to square the sexual urges you naturally have with how they fit in with your social (and religious / political if relevant) expectations. e.g. You may think of yourself as Dominant 100% of the time, but the reality may be you sometimes crave submission. You may be a fan of the ladies, but your body may crave a wider variety once in a while. Get to know yourself much better and do a lot of researching and experimentation until you're pretty clear on what you want, so that you don't worry so much about the why.

This strikes me as a more reasonable answer to his conflicts. This may not be for him but his immediate feelings afterward may not be a good indicator if this is not his bag.

[Heathenix]

Probably at the same stage as TS myself atm, some sound advice from more experienced members here
Actually I’m not sure whether by definition wife already a HW or only thinking about going into it, or maybe I misdefined what a HW is?
Been fantasizing it as well, liked the idea of wife being confident and happy with physical attention, although trying to be subtle with the way I encourage her