New Here - We started to explore

[ash_hotgf]

just got my account set up (waiting on that verification, fingers crossed!). I’m really excited to join this community and learn from all of you. My boyfriend and I are exploring this lifestyle together, and we’re curious about how others navigate it with respect. Any tips for newcomers like me on building trust and keeping things exciting while staying connected as a couple

[SocalLife]

Communicate, Communicate & Communicate. That’s the best advice. Also things happen and it’s ok to call a timeout. Remember you want to be in it for the long haul!

[JeffB72]

Whenever there is something new I want to see my wife do with another guy, I will tell her about a dream I had that matches what I want to see her do. Then we will roleplay it. Usually that leads her to trying it. This has added a lot of excitement to our marriage. Using the i had a dream about you doing ... is a good way to introduce new ideas. It could be as simple as you watching her fuck your best friend. If she doesn't want to try that, she will tell you no.

[Tank Turner]

Communicate, Communicate & Communicate. That’s the best advice. Also things happen and it’s ok to call a timeout. Remember you want to be in it for the long haul!

^^^That's excellent advice that will ensure you guys have most fun^^^

All couples should engage in open, honest, and nonjudgmental sexual communication.

[BT2]

We started strictly by accident. We thought a sensual massage would be fun. We found masseurs through adult personal ads - never a professional masseuse or masseur. First visit ended with sexual touching that went mutual before the massage was over, and my wife had a happy ending. Eventually the massages ended with some mutual oral (same guy). The masseur and his girlfriend moved in together, so we had to find a new guy who advertised that he gave sensuous massages. He gave more than a massage - she became a hotwife the first visit.

It could cost you but you could treat her to some tantric massages. In my wife's case, the tantric massages eventually ended in intercourse.

I agree with a previous poster that honest communication is essential. Also, honesty, and trust that your partner has good sense and doesn't get carried away.

[ash_hotgf]

Now verified, I want to introduce ourselves and share a bit about our journey so far. Tim’s actually the one who brought up the idea of exploring this lifestyle, and I’m excited to dive in with him by my side. This post is a bit long, but I want to give you a real sense of who we are and where we’re coming from.

I’m Ashley, 28, and Tim is 30. We’ve been together for three years, living in a cozy apartment in California. I work in marketing while Tim’s in tech, always tinkering with some new gadget or coding side project. We’re a pretty laid-back couple—love hiking, binge-watching Netflix and hosting game nights with friends. We’ve always had a strong relationship, built on trust and open communication, which is why we feel ready to explore something as adventurous as the hotwife lifestyle.

Tim and I have always been open about our fantasies. Early in our relationship, we’d share little “what if” scenarios. laughing about what turned us on or what we’d be curious to try. It was all playful until about six months ago when Tim brought up the hotwife concept. He’d stumbled across some blogs and forums (including this one!) and was intrigued by the idea of me being desired by others while we stayed rock-solid as a couple. At first, I was like, “Wait, what? You want me to do what?” But the more we talked, the more I saw how much it excited him—and, honestly, it started to turn me on too

Tim was the one who first floated the idea. He didn’t push or pressure me; he just shared how the thought of me being a “hotwife” got his heart racing. We spent weeks talking it over—long walks, coffee dates, even some late-night pillow talk—making sure we were both on the same page. I had a million questions: Would he get jealous? How would we handle boundaries? What if I felt weird afterward? Tim was patient, reassuring me that we’d go at my pace and that our connection always comes first. He even suggested we start small, like flirting at a bar or posting here to get advice, which is why I’m here now!

We’ve done some light experimenting already. A month ago, we went to a local club, and I flirted with a guy Jake at the bar while Tim watched from a distance. It was nerve-wracking but exhilarating. The guy was charming, and knowing Tim was watching, totally into it, made it feel like we were sharing this secret adventure. We exchanged number and we've texted from time to time. We didn’t take it further than some playful banter, but it was a rush, and we talked about it for days afterward.

We’re total newbies, so we’re here to soak up as much wisdom as we can. We want to explore this lifestyle in a way that keeps our relationship strong, exciting, and respectful. One thing we’re big on is trust. Tim and I have always been honest with each other, and we want to make sure this lifestyle strengthens that. We’re also excited about keeping things fun

We’re both curious and open-minded, but we want to take things slow to make sure we’re both comfortable. We’re not rushing into anything big—just want to learn, connect, and have fun while keeping our relationship first.

Tim and I have been talking about maybe exploring a bit more with Jake , like a coffee meetup

[jane]

It sounds like you have a good start of talking it out with each other...be honest with yourself about what you are into. Go slowly to see if it's what you both are okay with. It can be exciting, sometimes like you've felt, the flirting is as good as the sex

[ash_hotgf]

It sounds like you have a good start of talking it out with each other...be honest with yourself about what you are into. Go slowly to see if it's what you both are okay with. It can be exciting, sometimes like you've felt, the flirting is as good as the sex

You’re so right about the importance of being honest with ourselves and each other, Tim and I are trying to keep that front and center as we dip our toes into this lifestyle. Your point about going slowly really resonates with us, especially since we’re so new to this. I love what you said about the flirting sometimes being as good as the sex. It’s got me thinking about how much fun the anticipation and buildup can be. Since we’ve been texting Jake a bit, I’m curious about your experience—how did you know when you were ready to move past flirting with someone.

[Restarting]

One thing we’re big on is trust.

Your hotwife experience is destined for incredible success.
Hope you keep us posted on your journey.

[joel68]

Can you describe yourselves? Like ht., wt., hair/eye color. Your measurements if you know them? Just curious and it helps create a visual.

[Happyjohnson]

Good luck on your journey together, I hope it works well for you both.

Communication of all aspects and levels is paramount to your success. if something feels off, talk about it as if you are asked to perform an act you are not happy with talk about it, don't hide it!

Most important - "Enjoy what you are doing or don't do it!"

[ash_hotgf]

Can you describe yourselves? Like ht., wt., hair/eye color. Your measurements if you know them? Just curious and it helps create a visual.

5'4", 120lbs, long blonde hair, blue eyes, 32B you can play with your imagination

[joel68]

Cool. You sound very hot. Whoever you choose will be a lucky guy.

[ash_hotgf]

Tim and I have been talking a lot about how to keep exploring in a way that feels fun, safe, and exciting for both of us. You all gave us so much to think about. That night at the club, flirting with him while Tim watched was such a thrill, and we’ve been texting lightly since then, keeping things playful. We’re planning to invite Jake for coffee this week. Tim will be there to keep things comfortable, and we’re keeping it casual—just a chance to chat, have some laughs, and see how the vibe feels. We’re not planning to bring up the hotwife lifestyle directly yet, but we’re hoping maybe drop some subtle hints to see if he’s open to something flirty. We’ve been talking a lot about how to approach this, and we’re leaning toward keeping it light and fun, like our club night, to build on that chemistry without rushing anything.

This whole process is bringing Tim and me closer in such unexpected ways. Planning this coffee meetup has sparked so many fun conversations. I’m feeling more confident with each step, and the idea of flirting with Jake again has me buzzing. We’re being super careful to keep trust first, with clear boundaries like sharing our texts, checking in after every interaction, and agreeing that either of us can pause things at any time. Our biggest focus right now is figuring out how to move forward with Jake without making it awkward, especially since we know him socially. We’re also excited about keeping the buildup fun and playful, like Jane mentioned. The anticipation is such a thrill. We haven’t felt any jealousy yet, but we’re staying mindful and talking through every possibility to stay prepared

[ferrisandrews]

Congrats on discovering this lifestyle! It sounds like you're off to a great start! Continue to keep us posted!

[radio4ron]

We hope you guys find your way thought this lifestyle as it fits you both. Communication is king and also for me, there were a lot of different feelings I wanted to experience but my mind and body did its own thing and made it far better than either of us could have imagined.

The only real downside for my wife has been, she's very spontaneous and finds that planned sex isn't as enjoyable as organic (non-planned) sexual encounters, but we never really found a way around that and after she would start having sex the feelings of planed sex would always melt away.

If you have encounters always give it some time and talk about it after and express your open feelings with each other. We would always talk with the guys over the next week or so to see how they enjoyed it and also got good advice from them and we would often come up with ideas of new things to explore each encounter that the three of us would mutually agree on.

With any new guys, I'd always meet them for coffee to get my take on them and after I would report back to my wife if it sounded good we'd usually arrange to have dinner tougher to socialise and get to know each other, and if that went well usually the following week we'd have him over for sex.

Our goal was always to not get it done, but to get it right.

[ash_hotgf]

We hope you guys find your way thought this lifestyle as it fits you both. Communication is king and also for me, there were a lot of different feelings I wanted to experience but my mind and body did its own thing and made it far better than either of us could have imagined.

The only real downside for my wife has been, she's very spontaneous and finds that planned sex isn't as enjoyable as organic (non-planned) sexual encounters, but we never really found a way around that and after she would start having sex the feelings of planed sex would always melt away.

If you have encounters always give it some time and talk about it after and express your open feelings with each other. We would always talk with the guys over the next week or so to see how they enjoyed it and also got good advice from them and we would often come up with ideas of new things to explore each encounter that the three of us would mutually agree on.

With any new guys, I'd always meet them for coffee to get my take on them and after I would report back to my wife if it sounded good we'd usually arrange to have dinner tougher to socialise and get to know each other, and if that went well usually the following week we'd have him over for sex.

Our goal was always to not get it done, but to get it right.

I’m a bit spontaneous myself, and I love in-the-moment energy. We love your approach of talking with the guys afterward to get their perspective and brainstorm new ideas together. That sounds like such a great way to keep things collaborative and exciting for everyone. We haven’t gotten to that stage yet, but it’s something we’re keeping in mind as we explore with Jake.

[Parsifal]

I'm so pressed for time that I can't follow all of the threads in these postings but this one may intrigue me enough to keep up with it. I think you're making a good decision using this Site as a point of reference and for feedback, which I've often found helpful. My input for now is to approach your relationship as a work in progress that will end up as your own creation. There are many patterns or styles of open marriage described on this Site. Some are similar enough to some of the others that a social scientist might be able to draw big categories to put them in. But when you look closer, there are subtle differences within each broader category, almost to the point that you can see that no two are exactly alike. So my point is that in charting your own course, you may find some things work for other people but won't for you, or you might find some ideas a template for a direction you might explore, with or without some modification to fit the dynamic you and your husband or significant other(s) want to achieve. And don't think that whatever feels right today will necessarily solidify into something eternal that won't continue to want to grow or become better refined once you get your collective heads around it as a couple and you decide to explore some new aspect of opening your relationship to other people and experiences. Good luck!!

[ash_hotgf]

I love your point about how every couple’s dynamic is different, even within similar patterns - We’re definitely approaching this with an open mind, knowing that what works now might evolve as we learn more about ourselves and each other. Your advice about not assuming what feels right today will stay the same forever is super insightful. We’re trying to stay flexible, checking in with each other constantly to make sure we’re both comfortable and excited. For now, we’re focused on keeping things light and fun with Jake, but we’re open to exploring new aspects of this lifestyle as we grow more confident.

[rascalnvixen]

Ash, I'm following your thread with great interest. You express some similar thoughts we had when we first became involved with the alternative lifestyles. I do have one question for you, how many men have you have had sex (intercourse) with?? It is interesting reading of your excitement with possibly having sex with another man other than your BF.

Rascal

[zorro]

You are receiving solid advice from every one of the posters. My wife and I have been in the LS for over 15 years, except for a break for a couple of years during the pandemic, and continue happily to this day. So, your ideal of having a solid long-term marriage and openly have fun with others along the way is definitely doable. When she makes love with her long-term guy, usually as part of a threesome, everyone has a great time and is happy afterwards and looking forward to a go again. Yes, honest communication is a must, and being faithful -- to the truth -- are essential. Being honest with yourself (ditto for your husband) is a constant requirement for things to go well. There are lots of guys out there, and you need to feel chemistry if you fuck someone. If you don't feel desire, comfort, and excitement, look for another guys. Don't fuck someone you don't feel like fucking. There are 4 billion of them out there. It's easy enough to just fuck someone, but over time you will lose interest with a mechanical fuck. As R. Crumb said years ago, "Don't fuck me unless you mean it!"

Having said that, sometimes it is fun to just have some old-fashioned raw sex, and if you want that, go for it!

And if you fuck someone when you have feelings, it can stir up feelings in your husband that should not surprise you but need to be honored and responded to. There are negative feelings each of you will predictably feel along the way. I offer that these are opportunities for deeper self-understanding and growth. They most times can be worked through but they are best responded to with honesty, caring, and loving.

You will have to design your own HW relationship. Decisions to make: Are you going to play alone or will your husband be present? Will you play with married men? Will you play with single men? (Each has its pros and cons). Will you do overnights, either solo or as a threesome? How much of an extrasexual relationship will you have with your extra guys? Will you do foursomes or moresomes? Will your husband have the freedom to explore same-sex contact (because such contact is almost inevitable in a threesome)? There are more, but enough for now. Know that none of these decisions are forever (absolutely not, because peoples' desires change over time), but they should be thought about. And you can try all of them to see which feel right for you.

You are beginning an extraordinarily exciting journey. Don't fall into the fallacy of conventional culture that dictates that if you have sex with someone
else that means you are exiting your relationship. The truth can be very different. We started with our love, and including others has only strengthened our intimacy and loving. Allowing your loved one to know the truth about your sexuality is the most intimate thing you two can do.

Do keep us informed. This could be the start of something beautiful.

[ash_hotgf]

Morning -

We finally had that coffee meetup with Jake yesterday. I went with casual but flirty: dark jeans, an off-shoulder top, ankle boots, and a bold lip. Before the meet Jake and I texted a bit more, nothing too flirty at first, just sharing hiking recommendations since we all love the outdoors. I was a mix of nervous and excited. Tim and I grabbed breakfast together, talking through our game plan. We chose a cozy cafe in our neighborhood with outdoor seating. We arrived a few minutes early, grabbing a table outside. Jake showed up right on time, looking casual in jeans. He’s about 6’1”, with dark hair and brown eyes. He greeted us both with a friendly hug for me and a handshake for Tim. We ordered drinks, me a fancy latte. We started with light topics - work, Netflix, hiking spots. It felt natural. As the chat went on, the flirty talks started to emerge. Jake would hold eye contact a bit longer when talking to me. Tim noticed and later said it gave him that thrilling rush. There was a moment when Jake asked about our relationship. Tim smiled and said open communication and trying new things together. We talked for about an hour and a half. Jake shared funny stories, I opened up about a recent project gone hilariously wrong and Tim chimed in with tech anecdotes.

There was definite chemistry between Jake and me, little touches like him brushing my arm when laughing. No mention of the hotwife lifestyle yet; we wanted to feel out if he’d be open before going there. As we wrapped up, Jake said this was fun and we should do it again sometime. Maybe grab drinks or hit that hiking trail? We all agreed.

We drove to a nearby park to debrief right away. I started by saying how much I enjoyed the flirtation. Tim shared that watching the chemistry was a huge turn. We talked about what we liked. We spent the night at home over wine. Tim admitted the anticipation leading up had been as exciting as the meetup itself. I confessed I’m even more intrigued by Jake now. We discussed potential next steps: maybe inviting him for drinks or a game night, where we could test more. We also revisited boundaries, agreeing to always include Tim in initial meetups and to bring up the lifestyle only when we’re both ready.

We're planning to invite Jake for a casual drinks night soon, maybe at a bar or our place if it feels right. We want to build more rapport before introducing the hotwife concept.

We’re curious about exploring other ideas too but for now, Jake is our focus. We’re committed to getting it right, not just done.

[JaesCuck]

Love to hear more 🥰🥵

[ash_hotgf]

Ash, I'm following your thread with great interest. You express some similar thoughts we had when we first became involved with the alternative lifestyles. I do have one question for you, how many men have you have had sex (intercourse) with?? It is interesting reading of your excitement with possibly having sex with another man other than your BF.

Rascal

back in high school, I had my share of fun; I’d say I was with a handful of guys during those years—six, if I’m counting right. Maybe even coming off a bit wild or “slutty” in the best way.

Junior year, there was this guy, Matt, on the soccer team - At a beach party we slipped away from the crowd, found a quiet spot, It was raw and quick.

Senior year, I dated Chris for a few months, and we’d get wild at house parties. One night, after too many drinks, we ended up in an upstairs bedroom. He pinned me against the wall, and it went from making out to full-on action on someone’s guest bed.

Late in senior year, I went to a big party at a friend’s lake house. I was tipsy, maybe a bit more than tipsy, from too much cheap vodka. Two guys I knew from school, Alex and Nate, were flirting hard with me all night. We ended up in a bedroom, it started with some playful kissing - one thing led to another. Nate pulled my top off, before I knew it, my skirt was hiked up and Alex was fucking me from behind .They took turns, flipping me between them, it was chaotic and messy.

There was this guy, Jack who I’d flirt with after school. One evening, we parked his car by a lookout point, started making out, and things escalated fast. We climbed into the backseat.

After high school, though, I settled down a lot, focusing on college and my career, and didn’t date much

[ash_hotgf]

You are receiving solid advice from every one of the posters. My wife and I have been in the LS for over 15 years, except for a break for a couple of years during the pandemic, and continue happily to this day. So, your ideal of having a solid long-term marriage and openly have fun with others along the way is definitely doable. When she makes love with her long-term guy, usually as part of a threesome, everyone has a great time and is happy afterwards and looking forward to a go again. Yes, honest communication is a must, and being faithful -- to the truth -- are essential. Being honest with yourself (ditto for your husband) is a constant requirement for things to go well. There are lots of guys out there, and you need to feel chemistry if you fuck someone. If you don't feel desire, comfort, and excitement, look for another guys. Don't fuck someone you don't feel like fucking. There are 4 billion of them out there. It's easy enough to just fuck someone, but over time you will lose interest with a mechanical fuck. As R. Crumb said years ago, "Don't fuck me unless you mean it!"

Having said that, sometimes it is fun to just have some old-fashioned raw sex, and if you want that, go for it!

And if you fuck someone when you have feelings, it can stir up feelings in your husband that should not surprise you but need to be honored and responded to. There are negative feelings each of you will predictably feel along the way. I offer that these are opportunities for deeper self-understanding and growth. They most times can be worked through but they are best responded to with honesty, caring, and loving.

You will have to design your own HW relationship. Decisions to make: Are you going to play alone or will your husband be present? Will you play with married men? Will you play with single men? (Each has its pros and cons). Will you do overnights, either solo or as a threesome? How much of an extrasexual relationship will you have with your extra guys? Will you do foursomes or moresomes? Will your husband have the freedom to explore same-sex contact (because such contact is almost inevitable in a threesome)? There are more, but enough for now. Know that none of these decisions are forever (absolutely not, because peoples' desires change over time), but they should be thought about. And you can try all of them to see which feel right for you.

You are beginning an extraordinarily exciting journey. Don't fall into the fallacy of conventional culture that dictates that if you have sex with someone
else that means you are exiting your relationship. The truth can be very different. We started with our love, and including others has only strengthened our intimacy and loving. Allowing your loved one to know the truth about your sexuality is the most intimate thing you two can do.

Do keep us informed. This could be the start of something beautiful.

your experience is a goldmine; So far, we haven’t hit any bumps, but we’re preparing for them by committing to talk through anything that comes up. Your list of decisions to consider is incredibly helpful as we're working on ours For now, we’re leaning toward Tim being present for any initial interactions. We’re open to both single and married men, but we’re cautious about vetting. Overnights feel a bit far off, but we’re interested by the idea of trying different setups to see what clicks. The point about Tim exploring same-sex contact wasn’t something we’d considered yet, but it’s a great reminder to keep an open mind