I thought I'd add a little bit of background to how we got to our current situation of occasional Dom/sub sessions.
The Dom/sub sessions developed slowly. Not sure when we started referring to them as "sessions".
I think it originated from early days, when we'd lark about and have a bit of 'rough and tumble' before it would move on to sex.
In the rough and tumble stuff, sometimes I'd end up astride Lucy, sort of holding her down, and trying to get her clothes off, her resisting, both of us laughing. Sometimes she'd end up on top of me. A situation that I didn't try to hard to prevent.
I remember one time, we'd ended up naked during one of the rough and tumble sessions, and I'd subtly allowed Lucy to get on top of me, her astride my thighs/cock (but without me penetrating her). She was holding my wrists down with her hands. I think she was saying something like "do you give in?" And I kept saying "no!" But she didn't know how to press home her advantage, so we were at a bit of a stalemate. We were both breathing heavy and a little tired from our 'fighting'.
I wanted her to win, but didn't want her to think I was allowing her to do so. So, after a bit, I said to her "Do you know how to make a guy do whatever you want, when you are in that position?". She said "no". I said "move further up, on to my stomach". Which she did. Then I said "Now reach around and grab my balls.....gently!" She grinned and sat up enough to be able to reach behind her and find my balls. Very quickly, with just a slight bit of pressure (I told her immediately to not do it too hard!) she had me asking her to stop. Then she asked me again if I gave in.....little squeeze, ask again, slightly more pressure, until I said "I give in".
She must have known about this male vulnerability, I assume. But I'd maybe just given her permission to use it.
She started to use this tactic whenever we had a physical 'fight'. She really liked the power it gave her. We are both the competitive type, and now she knew she had the ultimate weapon to use against me.
She was getting off on being dominant, and she started to realise that I was getting off on being dominated. I remember her saying to me one time, "you really like this, don't you?", referring to her domming me. I just nodded.
From there it just evolved. Sometimes she'd end up on my back, me face down, and would slap my bum. Which evolved into her spanking me.
Then, one time, I suggested tying her up "As if I was raping you". She wasn't happy about the rape idea, and I got a bit of a lecture about male fantasy, violent men etc. So I just said, "It was only a fantasy thing. You can rape me if you like".
She just looked at me and said "Ok then". I quickly got very rigidly erect, you know, a real iron girder strength one! She tied my arms out to the corners of the bed and then climbed on me. She sank herself down on me really roughly, then looked at me. She said "My god.... you're so hard!" I couldn't deny it. She did her best to make it rough and aggressive, which only helped to stimulate her more. She was a bit of an animal, and didn't take long to make herself cum. I can't finish her off if I'm doing the work. She always has to use her fingers to climax. But not this time. She just used my cock instead. She fucked me.
That little experience got repeated quite a lot. I'd unlocked quite a little animal!
And I absolutely loved it! I loved that she was getting so excited 'using me'. And I felt so excited being used. It just ratcheted up the excitement level for both of us.
Then we found that there were times when one of us wasn't quite in the mood for the Dom/sub stuff as the other. So we talked about a way to let each other know how far we wanted that session to go. We came up with the idea of saying 'light', 'medium' or 'heavy', or 'soft', 'medium or 'hard'. We never defined what was what, but that changed over time anyway.
Heavy started out as more spanking, her saying humiliating things to me, SPH stuff, calling me a lousy fuck, and so on. These days I encourage her to push me, if she's in the mood. I like her to spank me, telling her to make me beg for her to stop. Sometimes she stops too soon, afraid she's hurting me. Which she is, a bit. But I remind her that, though it's painful at the time, it doesn't really last. An hour or so later any redness is gone and there's barely any remaining sensation, maybe a bit of tingling. That has reassured her, and she's gone a bit further sometimes, with me really having to beg her to stop. We don't have a safe word, but I think we both know when I'm at my limit.
For some reason, I'd love her to spank me hard enough to make me cry. And I mean, really blubbing, saying sorry to her, and me being 'defeated'. The thought of that gets me real hard! Which worries me a bit. But we aren't very close to that, and might never be.
I don't want to cry because of the pain, although that would be an element. But more because of the humiliation, her verbally demeaning me etc.
To initiate a session, either of us might suggest it, there and then, or in advance. I virtually always agree to what she wants. She isn't always in the mood for my 'heavy' requests, so I don't push it by nagging or getting pissed off about it. I suppose really, that she mainly controls the level.
It was during one of our heavy sessions, a few years ago, that she was struggling to think of a way to dom me. I wasn't tied up (not all heavy sessions involve bondage). We were in the bedroom, and I was already naked. She likes me naked, regardless of whether she is or not. She told me to go to her underwear drawer and choose a pair of her panties. I assumed they were for her to put on. I held them out to her, but she just said "No....you put them on".
I laughed but told her "No way...."
She got real stern and told me "Either you put them on, or we stop right now". I tried to make a joke of it, because I really didn't want to put them on. But she insisted. Then she said "Do as your told, and don't answer me back". She was real serious.
I hesitated a bit more, hoping she'd let me off. Then I put them on.
The feeling of shame and humiliation that I had was real strong. But I had that same mix of fear and arousal as when I think of being cucked.
Lucy really loves the look on my face when she gets me to put stuff on. She knows I struggle with doing it. I'm not allowed to go off and put the things on. I have to stand, a bit away from her, like a naughty little boy, while she watches, smiling.
Sometimes she'll talk to me, for example, when I've finished, saying things like, "There, that wasn't too difficult was it?" When she talks to me like that I feel completely humiliated but intensely aroused. I just can't really explain why.
"Who's a good little boy then? Say 'thank you Miss, for allowing me to wear these pretty girly panties' "....
When she talks to me like that....OMG, I feel like I'm close to ejaculating hands free!
The majority of our sex sessions are pretty vanilla.
