New to Lifestyle: Conflicting Emotions

[Asiancouple1995]

We are a couple in our early 30's and are first generation Canadians although I came to Canada when I was 2 years old, she was 22. We have been married for four years.

When we got married, neither of us was sexually experienced. To make a long story short, she was seduced at work by a client from another city (we both work in finance). She broke down and told me about it. We grappled with the emotions but I was turned on by this. Particularly since he was able to give her orgasms and I cannot. We agreed she could sleep with him when he comes to Toronto. Always at his hotel. Honestly it didn't impact our lives except for a couple of days every couple of months.

But a couple of weeks ago I came home early from a conference. She has been taking tennis lessons and when I opened our condo door, it was pretty clear they were making out.

I left for an hour. Came back to lots of crying and some anger. She said she hasn't been with him before and I believe her. But she did admit she wanted him badly. She has felt that she isn't attractive, because she is thin and not shapely. She melts when a caucasian male flirts with her.

Over the last week, I keep replaying what happened. I still feel a bit hurt, but am more aroused than angry. I sort of wish they'd had sex.

I am so conflicted about this. Am pretty sure if I told her it was okay to sleep with him, she would.

Am I insane for telling her to go ahead? She didn't cancel her next lesson with him but will.

Any advice would be so appreciated.

[Restarting]

You agreed to the Toronto arrangement without impact.
Maybe talk to her about sharing her thoughts about others before you discover them?
Otherwise, she wants it, I fail to see the conflict.