Conflicted on whether I should keep fucking my lover or listen to my boyfriend

[jax0112]

A couple months ago, I jokingly texted my boyfriend acting as if I was being fucked by another guy (It annoys him and he gets jealous, it makes me laugh) but this time, instead of telling me to cut it out, he went along with it, in fact he told me to keep going. Later on he confessed that he was into it and we started discussing and eventually he came out as a cuck. At the start it was just over text, but a few weeks after I found out a guy at my work liked me. He's black, handsome, and I told my bf about it. He was okay with it at first, but when I started to do more, kissing, hugging, etc. he started asking me to stop seeing him. I tried, but every time I would just fail and end up making out with him anyways. Then, one day he asked me if I wanted to suck him off, and I agreed. I sucked him off and he fucked me with his tip. A few days went by, and I ended up telling my boyfriend. He was aroused, but he wasn't happy I hid it. Since then, I sucked him off once more, and we had sex about 7 times. Each of these times, I did not tell my boyfriend until later because it turns me on so much to hide it from him. He begs and begs for me to stop but honestly, it feels so good when he fucks, we just had a talk a few days ago where I told him that I'm gonna stop seeing the other guy completely, but I said that so many times before and I broke my promise just because I was so horny for him. What should I do? I'm not kidding when I say his cock is the size of my face. My boyfriend for comparison is 5 inches hard. Any advice would be appreciated

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum jax0112.

[BallSpanking]

I'm not kidding when I say his cock is the size of my face. My boyfriend for comparison is 5 inches hard. Any advice would be appreciated ... What should I do?

Darling, read your own words. What more do you need to know? And you may only now be learning to take and love big cocks.
I am not sure of your measurements, but you have the makings of a size queen.
Try to explain to your BF why it's so hard for you to quit. Better yet, show him!
That would sink-in deeper than any explanation.

[Parsifal]

If I were your boyfriend I would end your conflict by telling you fare-thee-well. I would have concluded you're in lust with another man to such an extent that our relationship can't be salvaged. I don't think a guy should try to control his woman when her feeling for someone else gets to the point where she can't avoid but damage me, but by the same token it's a free world on my side of the equation too.

[Idahostagnvixenlkn]

If I were your boyfriend I would end your conflict by telling you fare-thee-well. I would have concluded you're in lust with another man to such an extent that our relationship can't be salvaged. I don't think a guy should try to control his woman when her feeling for someone else gets to the point where she can't avoid but damage me, but by the same token it's a free world on my side of the equation too.

I have to agree. There has to be some type of mutual respect and consideration.

[KevKevKev]

Have you two had an honest, sober conversation about it outside of the bedroom?

[venus-can99]

It appears as if your bf is trying to control you and you seek independence. As suggested above perhaps an honest talk with your bf about your needs outside the bedroom is needed. That may help you decide your future with your bf

[milf9902]

It sounds like you have a by definition hotwife/cuck relationship where you're in charge regardless of if he likes it, but he's turned on by it. Have a very honest conversation with him about it. If you truly aren't going to stop, or don't want to stop, he needs to know so he can decide if this is what he really wants or not.

[BCiym]

I’d suggest that you take an hour and write out some ground rules for staying together. For example, it sounds like you want to be able to see other men without feeling obligated to always tell him about it. This may already be the case, but perhaps you want him to recognize that fucking him is something you do only to make him happy and because you like the intimacy, but for you to cum he needs to give you more and better oral to cum (without you being expected to reciprocate). Another might be that after you’ve come home you may not want him touching you for a little while. Anyway, my point is that you could tell him precisely what you need with the understanding that it may change over time.

[Greg_N_Shelley]

If I were your boyfriend I would end your conflict by telling you fare-thee-well. I would have concluded you're in lust with another man to such an extent that our relationship can't be salvaged. I don't think a guy should try to control his woman when her feeling for someone else gets to the point where she can't avoid but damage me, but by the same token it's a free world on my side of the equation too.

Well said, Parsifal. This isn't consensual non-monogamy. This is deceit.

To the OP, if your boyfriend is indeed a "cuck", you may have an opportunity to have your cake and eat it too. But its obvious he's intimidated by the situation with your co-worker and needs time to process his own desires and fears. Fucking another guy behind his back isn't going to help engender the trust necessary for this to work as a relationship dynamic. If you value your relationship, you need to have a serious talk and be patient.

Communication, honesty, and mutual respect are essential for this to work.

[bob44044]

Your boyfriend will soon dump you for being a cheater. You can't be trusted. The Hotwife lifestyle requires total honesty and working together. You obviously are only concerned with yourself. Would you want someone to treat you that way? I think not.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Some questions. How do you feel about your boyfriend? Why are you staying with him? What are his good qualities and his shortcomings. What’s your connection like? Is there long-term or marriage possibilities here? Do you have any concern about him finding and dating other women, especially someone prettier, sexier, more disciplined and trustworthy than you? Do you respect him as a man? Is he loyal to you out of fear of losing you, or out of his own personal integrity?

[zorro]

And, as sometimes happens in cuck relationships, does he get off on your humiliating him by fucking someone else when he says don't? He may find learning about your cheating some time after the fact is a turn on, but it wouldn't work unless he told you don't do it. I am struck that the girlfriend cheats repeatedly but then tells her BF.

People can be the strangest monkeys.

Perhaps the GF can fill us in more on the details of their dynamic.