Struggling with feelings of inadequacy

[cuck4daze]

I've been a devoted cuckold to my stunning wife for a few years now, but only this past summer started watching her with her bulls. Since I started watching her with her different lovers I've started developing feelings of being inadequate to her. I love worshipping her and I try my very best to love, honor and obey her in every way that I can. My wife cut me off from having sex with her a couple years ago, so I've been an incel over that time. But since I've started witnessing the chemistry that she has with some of her bulls I feel like I can't ever measure up with what I have to offer her.

She assures me that my financial support (I'm the sole breadwinner and I pay for everything) and emotional support and the tribute that I pay her are enough to keep her, but I'm still unsure of myself. I'm so scared to lose her in my life and I often wonder what she sees in me and what I have to offer her. When I'm watching her having amazing sex with one of her bulls I often think to myself, "what can I do to ever please her in that way?"

I'm just curious if anyone else has ever experienced this and if you have any suggestions as to how I can deal with these feelings. I'm hoping it's just a phase and I will grow out of it. I love being her cuckold. I truly believe that my life's purpose is to serve her and please her at her command. But, in the meantime, I'd love to know if anyone has been where I am and what I might could do about it. TIA.

[coastalkid]

I'm not a cuckold but your situation is what scares me the most about the lifestyle. Feeling inadequate doesn't go away when your wife/gf ISN'T having sex. It resides in your head 24/7. It also seems to be an issue that husbands/bfs have to deal with all on their own. You almost NEVER read about a wife/gf that has indulged in the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle that has realized her husband/bf has gotten to the breaking point and done SOMETHING to help him.

What you normally read about is a wife/gf that says, "You were the one that wanted this! Now you have to live with it!" The problem of that statement is that whatever the "THIS" is, isn't always the what was envisioned and not what the situation has evolved into. Things like NRE and the attitudes and behaviors of the third party (ie lovers or bulls) are variables that are not easily anticipated. Those things and others are so often left to the husband/bf to deal with on their own. Alone doesn't always provide the best answers.

My own personal fear regarding inadequacy is that once you have it it stays with you. You don't just shed your inadequacy with divorce or separation, it remains a lingering doubt. Think of any non-sexual way that inadequacy manifests itself. You desire to be good at, "fill in the blank". In order to overcome inadequacy it takes work and commitment.

Even then you have to understand that "adequacy" isn't exceptional. You won't be THE best you'll at least be "adequate". It takes two people to help one person overcome inadequacy, you'll never convince yourself on your own. The task becomes impossible if you are convinced that the other person you need to help you overcome inadequacy is the one that

Some people seem to thrive on feeling inadequate. They find comfort and satisfaction in accepting their limitations. They are thankful for being absolved of the responsibility of providing "adequate" sex. For other people, inadequacy is never ending, a thought that creeps into every aspect of your life during every waking hour. It is associated with helplessness and hopelessness. It robs you of the joy of life. The future is now one that is "partially cloudy" and not filled with rays of hope for better days.

The wrong pairing of people will allow inadequacy to metastasize like a cancer and will inevitably succumb to it. The right pairing of people will recognize negative symptoms and DO something about it. The wrong pairing of people will ignore, or dismiss, or be so oblivious that they don't see the symptoms. The right pairing of people know when something is wrong and DON'T have to wait to be told.

Lots of people here know better than me. I just have my opinion.

[cuck_curioso]

This feeling you are feeling is insecurity. For example, the fear of losing her. His effort to please her. I think these obsessive feelings and thoughts must generate anxiety.
You have to work on these feelings within yourself.
Sorry for my bad English.

[Angsty Cuck]

Yep, being a cuckold usually takes you down a notch or two, and your wife isn’t going to rescue you.

[Tryagain]

First you must accept that you can never "please her in that way". Never. You are not built to satisfy her. Successful cuck relationships depend upon the husband accepting that. If you only felt inadequate in that way, you can fix things by accepting your limitations. But the cutoff from sex is another thing. THAT, and her general attitude towards you, is what is harder to fix. Why are you being cutoff? Did you just accept that? Why?

Sex fosters intimacy and that is what is lacking and contributing to the feelings of inadequacy. She has told you that she keeps you due to your financial and emotional support and “tribute” – meaning your over the heels attraction to her. BUT, I did not read that she said she loves you. I think you are picking up on that – you may lose her because she does not love you. There is no easy fix to that.

It would be helpful to the board if we knew your ages and how long you have been married. That helps to understand how much commitment has already been made to the relationship. If you cannot articulate how she shows her love for you, then you lost her already and perhaps you should rethink staying with her.

[coastalkid]

First you must accept that you can never "please her in that way". Never. You are not built to satisfy her. Successful cuck relationships depend upon the husband accepting that. If you only felt inadequate in that way, you can fix things by accepting your limitations. But the cutoff from sex is another thing. THAT, and her general attitude towards you, is what is harder to fix. Why are you being cutoff? Did you just accept that? Why?

Sex fosters intimacy and that is what is lacking and contributing to the feelings of inadequacy. She has told you that she keeps you due to your financial and emotional support and “tribute” – meaning your over the heels attraction to her. BUT, I did not read that she said she loves you. I think you are picking up on that – you may lose her because she does not love you. There is no easy fix to that.

It would be helpful to the board if we knew your ages and how long you have been married. That helps to understand how much commitment has already been made to the relationship. If you cannot articulate how she shows her love for you, then you lost her already and perhaps you should rethink staying with her.

Good reply!

[leeshubby]

I am not a cuck yet, but have dealt with those feelings. Mine started after a health issue and me not being able to hold an erection for long. I sought out help and it has really helped. I know that is probably not for you, but sometimes it does help. Now I kinda get turned on when she makes a comment about me not getting hard.

[masculinecuck]

ON the outside I"m a total Alpha male, successful business guy, military/cop looking my wife says I intimidate people. In the bedroom? I'm her pencil dick cuckold, for 8 years now. Love watching her with her 3 steady's. All younger and hung like horses give her the sexual satisfaction I cannot provide her. She cut me off 5 yrs ago said my weenie didnt' feel good. I average a BJ about every other month. I've accepted being her cuck and revel in our lifestyle.
It is what it is.........

[cuck4daze]

First you must accept that you can never "please her in that way". Never. You are not built to satisfy her. Successful cuck relationships depend upon the husband accepting that. If you only felt inadequate in that way, you can fix things by accepting your limitations. But the cutoff from sex is another thing. THAT, and her general attitude towards you, is what is harder to fix. Why are you being cutoff? Did you just accept that? Why?

Sex fosters intimacy and that is what is lacking and contributing to the feelings of inadequacy. She has told you that she keeps you due to your financial and emotional support and “tribute” – meaning your over the heels attraction to her. BUT, I did not read that she said she loves you. I think you are picking up on that – you may lose her because she does not love you. There is no easy fix to that.

It would be helpful to the board if we knew your ages and how long you have been married. That helps to understand how much commitment has already been made to the relationship. If you cannot articulate how she shows her love for you, then you lost her already and perhaps you should rethink staying with her.

I really appreciate your reply. It was very helpful! I am 28, Destiny is 25. We've been married for four years now, but she has been unfaithful throughout our entire relationship even before we got married. I became her cuckold as an act of acceptance, love and devotion to her. She is my world and I'd rather be her sissy cuck and have her in my life than be without her. It's hard to explain the joy I feel when I please her and she says, "good boy." I fear losing her and I think that's the source of my anxiety. Night before last when she came home from being out with her girlfriends, I couldn't stop kissing her feet. I was just so glad that she came home to me!

She's told me she loves me for my devotion to her and she says she knows she could never find another man who loves her like I do. I think that's why I pride myself on my obedience and commitment to her. I want her to know that pleasing her is my top priority and no one will ever serve her like I do. She's told me she recognizes how special what we have is and she is very happy with me. But in the back of my mind I always have this fear that I'm not enough and that she might get tired of me or want a man who isn't such a pushover like I am.

[Wooster]

For me, the best part of this lifestyle is that I no longer struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Instead, I just embrace and eroticize those feelings. My wife and I are both much happier with our relationship now than she ever was when I was trying (and failing) to live up to my responsibilities as a sexual partner. Now that she gets those needs met with her boyfriend, I don’t have to try to be something I’m not, and there’s no obligation or anxiety on my part. We have a great marriage, and I’m not worried about our future together. Hope that helps a little!

[parklife]

A couple thoughts…

- first, only you really know you and what you’re willing to sacrifice and what makes it all worthwhile. I will say that the two posts strike me with two very different tones and this might be because of where you are at in your relationship. When you say, “We've been married for four years now, but she has been unfaithful throughout our entire relationship even before we got married” I take that as a red flag because solid hot wife/cuck relationships are built on solid foundations and often when the entire relationship has been built on being u faithful, that could leave to challenges down the road. You’re still young, your marriage is still young and that could present issues. But, clearly, if you allow it and always have, of course she’s going to “love you for your devotion”. It’s more you that may develop other issues later on than it will be her.



- Wooster’s post is spot on and may be where you can move into this successfully.

For me, the best part of this lifestyle is that I no longer struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Instead, I just embrace and eroticize those feelings. My wife and I are both much happier with our relationship now than she ever was when I was trying (and failing) to live up to my responsibilities as a sexual partner.

I think eroticizing our fears is a great human defense mechanism and I would guess many eroticize the fear of unfaithfulness to a point it turns into a desire for horrifying/cuckolding. In the same vein, if you eroticize your feelings of inadequacy you take back power from them. Think those that eroticize the size of their penis and a fear (I have a small dick) turns into erotic (small penis humiliation). What was once a negative is now a positive to your sexual desire. Plus, when you do so, you remove the need/desire/want to change your nature because some things you just have zero control over. So again, you remove their power over you and turn it into a positive. You’re born with what you’re born with so you might as well learn to enjoy it. That can be your smal dick or in some sense, your hair trigger orgasm if you suffer as a pre-jac.

[Mgcouplemn]

With us there isn’t humiliation involved, size is a myth. At first we were swinging as a couple years before we married, the two of us absolutely love seeing the other having sex like us fucking another couple and seeing each other orgasm with someone else, watching her get fucked or gangbanged, the excitement is watching the other getting off, somehow. I just love watching her body move and the facial expressions when she is getting off. She loves seeing me fucking someone else’s wife. Now she does the fucking, I just jerk off, she says it excites her when she looks over and sees me wanking hard while some other guy is pumping her pussy.

[coastalkid]

A couple thoughts…

- first, only you really know you and what you’re willing to sacrifice and what makes it all worthwhile. I will say that the two posts strike me with two very different tones and this might be because of where you are at in your relationship. When you say, “We've been married for four years now, but she has been unfaithful throughout our entire relationship even before we got married” I take that as a red flag because solid hot wife/cuck relationships are built on solid foundations and often when the entire relationship has been built on being u faithful, that could leave to challenges down the road. You’re still young, your marriage is still young and that could present issues. But, clearly, if you allow it and always have, of course she’s going to “love you for your devotion”. It’s more you that may develop other issues later on than it will be her.



- Wooster’s post is spot on and may be where you can move into this successfully.

For me, the best part of this lifestyle is that I no longer struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Instead, I just embrace and eroticize those feelings. My wife and I are both much happier with our relationship now than she ever was when I was trying (and failing) to live up to my responsibilities as a sexual partner.

I think eroticizing our fears is a great human defense mechanism and I would guess many eroticize the fear of unfaithfulness to a point it turns into a desire for horrifying/cuckolding. In the same vein, if you eroticize your feelings of inadequacy you take back power from them. Think those that eroticize the size of their penis and a fear (I have a small dick) turns into erotic (small penis humiliation). What was once a negative is now a positive to your sexual desire. Plus, when you do so, you remove the need/desire/want to change your nature because some things you just have zero control over. So again, you remove their power over you and turn it into a positive. You’re born with what you’re born with so you might as well learn to enjoy it. That can be your smal dick or in some sense, your hair trigger orgasm if you suffer as a pre-jac.

I really enjoyed reading your responses and I agree with your observations.

[coastalkid]

I get that there are many types of inadequacy, like being handicapped. You always see these amazing people with inadequacies/handicaps doing phenomenal feats on TV. They achieved their goal/challenge for themselves. It takes strength to do something like that. That's why those people you see on TV are exceptional, rare. A lot of people with inadequacies don't have enough faith in themselves or they're too defeated to try.

At it's root, sexual inadequacy is no different than overcoming/accomodating any other inadequacy. It takes mental strength to find joy instead of wallowing in self pity. That's the same whether you have a bad job or a self limiting inadequacy. Nobody sets out in life saying, "I sure hope I'm inadequate!" When you find out that you are you have to reconcile that and figure things out. You have to have a strong enough mind to know that pity will not address your happiness. It has to be done on a personal level. A supportive understanding wife could makes things much much easier to accept things.

Accepting your inadequacy to alleviate your guilt is admirable. Accepting your inadequacy to see your SO happy is admirable too. Accepting NOT being as happy as you once were, shouldn't really work either. If your SO suspects that you've given up on being happy how can she be, honestly? I think about other friends I know that have handicaps. All of those people I know have outwardly shown me that they no longer notice having a handicap. They've coped and they've adapted and they've found their own version of happy and normal.

I think the whole stoic, I'll take care of this on my own thing is unlikely. You're gonna need help to find that strength.

[naivecuck2]

There is a 1965 song that was originally sung by Grace Slick that seems to me to relate to your "struggling with feelings of inadequacy"
"When the truth you found, to be lies and all the joy within you dies....Don't you need someone to love....Don't you want someone to love....you should find someone to love". All the lyrics are on YouTube.

[Dream Weaver]

There is a 1965 song that was originally sung by Grace Slick that seems to me to relate to your "struggling with feelings of inadequacy"
"When the truth you found, to be lies and all the joy within you dies....Don't you need someone to love....Don't you want someone to love....you should find someone to love". All the lyrics are on YouTube.

One would hope. But I have a brother, college educated, never had a girlfriend after age 30. Not gay. No guy friend lurking in the background. Just a little on the small side, not the greatest attitude. Some people have it, some don't.

[Wantsomefunto]

If she realizes she will never find anyone that will love her more, you will be just fine. She must greatly respect you in that you want her to be sexually satisfied by others and grant her the time and encourage her to do it.

[Ghalilaeus]

Women are transitional and transactional . All females are, ever seen a lion pride follow the losing male because they loved it so much? Enjoy what you have as long as you have it. Even her fabulous bulls can be replaced on a whim as they get older.

[4herpleasure89]

I'm not a cuckold but your situation is what scares me the most about the lifestyle. Feeling inadequate doesn't go away when your wife/gf ISN'T having sex. It resides in your head 24/7. It also seems to be an issue that husbands/bfs have to deal with all on their own. You almost NEVER read about a wife/gf that has indulged in the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle that has realized her husband/bf has gotten to the breaking point and done SOMETHING to help him.

What you normally read about is a wife/gf that says, "You were the one that wanted this! Now you have to live with it!" The problem of that statement is that whatever the "THIS" is, isn't always the what was envisioned and not what the situation has evolved into. Things like NRE and the attitudes and behaviors of the third party (ie lovers or bulls) are variables that are not easily anticipated. Those things and others are so often left to the husband/bf to deal with on their own. Alone doesn't always provide the best answers.

My own personal fear regarding inadequacy is that once you have it it stays with you. You don't just shed your inadequacy with divorce or separation, it remains a lingering doubt. Think of any non-sexual way that inadequacy manifests itself. You desire to be good at, "fill in the blank". In order to overcome inadequacy it takes work and commitment.

Even then you have to understand that "adequacy" isn't exceptional. You won't be THE best you'll at least be "adequate". It takes two people to help one person overcome inadequacy, you'll never convince yourself on your own. The task becomes impossible if you are convinced that the other person you need to help you overcome inadequacy is the one that

Some people seem to thrive on feeling inadequate. They find comfort and satisfaction in accepting their limitations. They are thankful for being absolved of the responsibility of providing "adequate" sex. For other people, inadequacy is never ending, a thought that creeps into every aspect of your life during every waking hour. It is associated with helplessness and hopelessness. It robs you of the joy of life. The future is now one that is "partially cloudy" and not filled with rays of hope for better days.

The wrong pairing of people will allow inadequacy to metastasize like a cancer and will inevitably succumb to it. The right pairing of people will recognize negative symptoms and DO something about it. The wrong pairing of people will ignore, or dismiss, or be so oblivious that they don't see the symptoms. The right pairing of people know when something is wrong and DON'T have to wait to be told.

Lots of people here know better than me. I just have my opinion.

Lots of people may “know” better than you, but few can put it as well as you. What the op has stated is extremely dangerous imo. I’ve seen many marriages dissolve over it. The hubby gets into his cuck mindset and the wife into her queen mindset, and they both miss what may be happening. She’s losing her attraction to her husband and he is becoming more and more insecure in the relationship.

I understand this dynamic because I’ve experienced it. There is nothing like enjoying your wife’s pleasure with another man. But when she discovers men who can rock her world like you perhaps cannot, everything changes. The problem is your wife is not a queen. She’s your wife. And she’s fallible. She can get caught up in things she cannot control. Her protector, you, are in your cuck head. So maybe the bull takes over. He takes over your role.

I pulled back from this mindset to strive for balance where some march head long into the danger zone. Some here seem to have a low view of marriage. They court disaster like a tornado chaser. It’s exciting. It’s thrilling. Until it isn’t.

This is not theory. Just yesterday I learned about a friend of mine, a fellow cuckold I met at a party years ago. We kept in touch, shared pictures and stories. They went into porn eventually, neglected their kids and lived an exciting of great sex thrills. But along the way she lost herself, moved in with a lover and her hubby saw it as part of their game. When his home life began to crumble and his kids needed mom, he asked her to come home. She said in one of her videos she would stop whenever her husband requested it. But when that time came, she refused.

Her husband sat in his truck, and blew his brains out. He’s gone. His kids lost their dad and much of their mom. These two weren’t crazy unstable people. They had a long loving marriage. But they got carried away. I don’t think it makes sense for hubby’s to give their wife a perpetual hall pass to do whatever they want. You may feel you are “worshipping your queen” but you may just be neglecting your responsibility. You may be neglecting your responsibility to protect her from danger she may not be seeing. And your wife may get too caught up in the excitement to recognize your meltdown for what it is. If that’s what you want that’s your decision. It’s not what I want.

[hornedhubby]

Very well said, CK and 4herp.

One always wants to suspend disbelief, be a little delusional, to enhance the thrill in this dynamic. Maximize the kink and the arousal. Be it femdom or be it cuckoldry.

But it seems to me that it's best (and safest) to play it more like a game or a hobby, rather than a way of life.

Sorry about your friend, 4herp.