How many people are having problems finding lovers

[wife4lends]

This is just a quick poll to see what the consensus is on finding good lovers for the wives. How hard is it or are you ready to give up!

[lovetowatchmomma]

I think I would probably agree with wannabeused. For the Hotwife it's probably more about finding the right one vs. finding anyone. Just my guess though. Although as a fb/fwb/bull, whatever you want to call it, I find it very difficult. I have found a couple of real Hotwife gems but sf I've come across 10 times more that flake out for one reason or another. Big like to chat a little and get to know someone first. I hate it when your chatting and everything seems to be going great, but when you set ups meeting they don't show or cancel and then just drop off the face of the earth. When that happens my gut tells me they are fakes. I would think anyone that was serious about it and just changes their mind or decides your not the one would at least give you some kind of excuse or reason vs disappearing.

Although after some no shows and fakes along the way, you find some great hotwives that are a gems when there is a little patience.

Just my experience as the FB.

Maybe they didnt care for you and didnt know how to say it. Lets be honest here, just about anybody with a penis can be a bull. Dont meant to be mean but just being honest. Your type are a dime a dozen. Good luck to ya though.

[Iris777]

I think I would probably agree with wannabeused. For the Hotwife it's probably more about finding the right one vs. finding anyone. Just my guess though. Although as a fb/fwb/bull, whatever you want to call it, I find it very difficult. I have found a couple of real Hotwife gems but sf I've come across 10 times more that flake out for one reason or another. Big like to chat a little and get to know someone first. I hate it when your chatting and everything seems to be going great, but when you set ups meeting they don't show or cancel and then just drop off the face of the earth. When that happens my gut tells me they are fakes. I would think anyone that was serious about it and just changes their mind or decides your not the one would at least give you some kind of excuse or reason vs disappearing.

Although after some no shows and fakes along the way, you find some great hotwives that are a gems when there is a little patience.

Just my experience as the FB.

Maybe they didnt care for you and didnt know how to say it. Lets be honest here, just about anybody with a penis can be a bull. Dont meant to be mean but just being honest. Your type are a dime a dozen. Good luck to ya though.

I think both sides suffer from an abundence of flakes. To say that anyone with a penis can be a bull is like saying that anyone with a vagina can be a hotwife. It takes the right personality and chemistry on both sides. I have had my share of flakes, but I have also had those for whom I just held no appeal.

[DaBolts]

I think I would probably agree with wannabeused. For the Hotwife it's probably more about finding the right one vs. finding anyone. Just my guess though. Although as a fb/fwb/bull, whatever you want to call it, I find it very difficult. I have found a couple of real Hotwife gems but sf I've come across 10 times more that flake out for one reason or another. Big like to chat a little and get to know someone first. I hate it when your chatting and everything seems to be going great, but when you set ups meeting they don't show or cancel and then just drop off the face of the earth. When that happens my gut tells me they are fakes. I would think anyone that was serious about it and just changes their mind or decides your not the one would at least give you some kind of excuse or reason vs disappearing.

Although after some no shows and fakes along the way, you find some great hotwives that are a gems when there is a little patience.

Just my experience as the FB.

Maybe they didnt care for you and didnt know how to say it. Lets be honest here, just about anybody with a penis can be a bull. Dont meant to be mean but just being honest. Your type are a dime a dozen. Good luck to ya though.

How do you know what his type is?

[DaBolts]

I think I would probably agree with wannabeused. For the Hotwife it's probably more about finding the right one vs. finding anyone. Just my guess though. Although as a fb/fwb/bull, whatever you want t cancelo call it, I find it very difficult. I have found a couple of real Hotwife gems but sf I've come across 10 times more that flake out for one reason or another. Big like to chat a little and get to know someone first. I hate it when your chatting and everything seems to be going great, but when you set ups meeting they don't show or cancel and then just drop off the face of the earth. When that happens my gut tells me they are fakes. I would think anyone that was serious about it and just changes their mind or decides your not the one would at least give you some kind of excuse or reason vs disappearing.

Although after some no shows and fakes along the way, you find some great hotwives that are a gems when there is a little patience.

Just my experience as the FB.

Agreed on the being fakes. If you guys had dialog going enough to set up a meeting they owe it to you to at least cancel so you dont waste time and money

[lovetowatchmomma]

@DUHBOLTS...by type I mean bull. Thought that was obvious.

[Rick4Brenda]

In our case, my wife Brenda never really tries to find lovers. They just sort of happen. When she happens upon someone she finds attractive, she checks with me first, then has a full-blown affair with him, usually lasting around 5-8 months. She remains sexually exclusive with her boyfriend during her affair. Then when it runs it's course, our marital sex life resumes in a new and re-energized way:

I describe our unique sort of marriage in much more detail in another thread:

http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3575

Rick

[zorro]

Perhaps it is just that we do a good job of screening possible candidates that has led to our hardly ever having trouble with someone we have finally selected. We exchange information, sometimes talk on the phone, and then when we get together in person it is usually already a good fit. It has happened only once in the past year or more that we have had a no-show; all the others have been great about being there. Occasionally, it has taken a couple of times together to sort out which ones don't quite light her fire, but once she picks one (maybe 70% of the time), it has been a great time under the sheets as an MFM.

When we have done swinging, it has been much harder to find a couple where everyone wants to play than it has been finding a few good men.

Since we assume not everyone who is willing is going to bring out her desire, we wouldn't say overall it is a problem finding lovers. There are many fine single men out there, and we have enjoyed getting to know them, sometimes several times. Not sure what we're doing right, but we are very satisfied.

[sexyhotwife]

For my wife, a "lover" is someone whom she can connect with mentally, physically and emotionally. Because of her being very picky in searching for that, it is that aspect that causes her (us) the most issue with finding someone for her. Most men are not willing to connect with her on that level. Most (not all) are really just interested in the physical aspect. The ones we found really aren't interested in "dating" her. They prefer to just hook up. And that becomes boring to her. She wants a relationship (she tends to be more poly as we progress with all of this) and most men we found do not want that. Personally I feel she would have more luck if she was just willing to hook up with different guys, but that isn't her style or her desire. And if I want to see her participate in this lifestyle, I have to do it her way....which is her desire to develop another relationship with a guy. Sometimes I think it's a losing proposition, but we hang in there because as I told her, you just never know unless you try.

[littleone993]

Ashley Madison has worked well for us though we have had success through a couple of other sites - only one no show in a year (his mother died but he still contacted us to let us know he wouldn't be there) . We make my profile very clear as to what we are looking for and after the first contact from a guy, we make it clear again just to make sure. There are a lot of responses from people who don't read the profile first, are curious and want more detail, or are not compatible right out of the gate but once we decide on a possibility, we have had very good luck.

We were looking for someone who didn't mind my husband being in the room watching, who would allow us to video the session, and meet with us on an ongoing basis as I hate going through the screening process. Any one of these criteria scare some guys off but we currently have two regulars that we are very happy with so the persistence in searching for the right guys is worth it.

[Liese]

I find that I don't have any problems finding a candidate that is willing, however it may not be the one that I wish to play with.

This.

[cao]

It's difficult, every guy we've met has been good but there is another twenty guys who contact you that are completely clueless. My wife always says " most of the guys are single for good reason" and I would agree. Even most of the guys we've met were lacking in one area or another. We've found the best guys for us are normally divorced men with children, they understand the dynamics of a marriage, many were swingers in their past relationships, they understand sex is not only about them, and they're able to commit, even if it's only for the night. And don't even get me started on the 40 year old men that call themselves a "boytoy".

[BallSpanking]

In regard to the question on your thread, perhaps the short answer might be this:

"Finding a fuck, that's easy. Finding a meaningful
fuck, that's hard."

(all punctuation in the above statement is optional)

[ajm]

finding a decent lay for her has been hard.

her "date" last night couldn't perform. Maybe it was because she laid the whole HW thing on him. honesty cometh with its own problems...

[lotus0721]

I have a profile on 3 online dating sites since I started HW 6 weeks ago. It seems that I am having about a 50% success rate on finding a fb. I have met 6 men - had sex with 4 of them (1 great, 1 good, 1 bad, 1 couldn't get it up), 2 said they would like to be regulars, 2 I just wasn't attracted to. I have 2 more that I am talking to and hope to meet within the next week. I think it's not so much the meeting a fb but to have one that can satisfy me so I would like to see him again. I don't just want to have sex, I was to have GREAT sex! It's not quanity but quality

[lotus0721]

finding a decent lay for her has been hard.

her "date" last night couldn't perform. Maybe it was because she laid the whole HW thing on him. honesty cometh with its own problems...

ajm is right. Next time I will keep the whole HW thing to myself until about the 3rd or 4th rendezvous. Live and learn.

[Matt2]

This is just a quick poll to see what the consensus is on finding good lovers for the wives. How hard is it or are you ready to give up!

My wife and I began the fantasy stage very young, under 25. Lots of baby steps, making out on a dance floor, heavy petting in our bedroom, all with similar-age men. Sometimes even the baby steps didn't go well. But at no time back then did we ever consider a LTR. It was just wild and naughty fun, all spontaneous. Eventually, two "old friends" from HS materialized that tried to be at her beck and call when she was in the mood to play.

We "partied" formally 4 or 5 times a year in our late 20s, gown and coat-and-tie affairs, and these two guys usually showed up. More often than not, by the end of the evening she was in the mood so we brought them home with us to play. This went on, off-and-on, for about 5 years. I wouldn't consider them LTRs because, beyond the "benefits", they were both "good friends" that we could sit around and talk about hot cars, cranky wives, Peter Cetera, and home remodeling with. It just so happened my wife was intimate with these guys too - sans the love component.

Some friends can be "good lovers" too.

[BrunetteBeth]

One of the fastest ways to get dumped from consideration is some nonsense about expecting me to prove myself. One guy found himself on the wrong side of the bakery window because he didn't want to waste time chatting in order for us to get to know each other. He then proceeded to tell my husband that I was clearly some bored housewife wannabe. Yup. I didn't want to play your game, so I'm clearly a wannabe. What do you want? A picture of the notches on my bedpost?

Ditto for the guy that wouldn't agree to meet unless I guaranteed I'd sleep with him. These guys make it spectacularly easy to get themselves winnowed out. Ditto anyone who wants picture after picture. Buy a Playboy, or LIGHTBULB go look on the internet. Lots of free pictures of naked women!

I never make assumptions until I have some evidence. You would think I'd be more jaded after nearly three years, (and maybe I am a bit) but I like to give things some time to unfold before I assume someone is wasting my time.

To answer the question, I have some good indecent arrangements going on now, and a few possibilities, though if someone falls into my lap I won't say no. I'm just not actively looking.

[cum4me2]

Not us since we started growing them in our backyard. That will teach em to leave those full condoms laying around.... Giggity-giggity-goo

[lovetowatchmomma]

Ok, we initially started playing on the west coast. We learned a lot from that. There was a two year period after that we couldnt play because of living arrangements. Now, my wife has been a waitress/bartender at the same place for over two years. We didnt like all the sites because there seemed to be a lot of flakes. Well, I asked her about patrons at work. If anybodies been a barkeep you know you learn quite a bit about people at the bar. She asked a gentlemen (regular) at the bar for his phone number to call because she had to ask him something. She called and explained things and he was shocked at first but excited to it even admitting to my wife that he had masturbated many times thinking of her. We followed the course and now she has three different guys the same way. They dont know this of one another though. Even if they did find out we wouldnt care as it fits us well and were both very happy. We dont like the idea of getting someone that calls them self a "bull". Lets be honest, if you have a cock you can be a "bull" but your probably single for a reason. We like to approach men and "surprise" them. My wife knows them well from observing them without them knowing but also notices them checking her out without being pigs. Thats our story.

[wife4lends]

Just thought I would post a follow-up to this poll that I started. Thank you for all the responses...95 votes is not bad! And the results are very interesting almost 50-50 that half are finding success and half are not. Not really what I expected, but very telling.

[lotus0721]

Wow, it's been 3 weeks since my last lay with a fb and I'm getting itchy. The 2 guys who were interested in being regulars are married and have to fit me into their schedules but they haven't been free. I have a new one on the horizon for a meet up on Saturday but he lives about an hour away so it will be also difficult to schedule time. I have another possible fb that lives in town. This is a young one (woohoo) at 40 but he works every other weekend and he's free ones are the weekends I have my kids with me so it will be trickier. <sigh> This is all becoming so much work! When does it become easier?

[Iris777]

OK, here is a perfect example of how complicated it can be. I went on two coffee/cocktail first dates last week. (While I seem to have an abundence of out of town friends, they are far from a regular thing and my hometown boys have been VERY scarce lately and I have been trying to find a regular local guy who is a good fit.) The first was in an open marriage, wife had a BF and we enjoyed each other's company. I mentioned I was looking for something hopefully longterm because I wasn't a huge fan of one time things. He kissed me at the car, all was well. Somehow, by the time I got home, he was backpeddinging about the long term thing saying he thought I wanted to take things slower than he did and that he couldn't promise something long term until we had been involved at least one time (mind you his profile said he wanted to go slow to see how things developed). Somehow he seemed to be worried that I wanted to practically marry him, not fuck him! To make things clear I made it simple: "I like you, I lust you' I want to be naked with you. And if it's fun, I might want to do it again". He said that sounded just like what he was looking for. That was a week and a half ago and I have heard nothing but crickets.

The other one was a little concerned that there were other people in my life, which I could totally respect. Except that we hung out for quite a while and talked it through. I am a no pressure kind of person and would never expect someone to do something that made him uncomfortable. So when he said he was feeling better about it and emailed me the next day that he couldnt' wait to see me again, I took him at his word. Today I got an email about how he had rethought the situation and wasn't comfortable with it. Funny just how fine he was with it when I was kissing him in my car and he was rubbing my hand over the huge hardon in his jeans, and how dissapointed he seemed that I made him wait until another time to do more than that

*Sigh* This can be so much fun when it's good and just such a pain in the ass when it is so much work.

[Melinda]

Sorry to hear about those. It can be pain in the ass sometimes. When all you trying get is literal little pain in the ass.

[Iris777]

It just gets tiring sometimes. I told Aynsley this morning that I was going to take down my profile on the dating sites for a while and to not pass on anyone who comes to him for a few weeks. I have some good guys in my life, even if I don't see them that often, so I will see them when they are available, email with those who have already contacted me, but put new contacts on hold for a little while. I just need a little break from the guys who say one thing, do something else and just can't find their own asses with both their hands.