A Cuckold's Diary, Chapter 40 - "Organic Cuckolding"

[Paul_Pines]

A Cuckold’s Diary
Chapter 40 – “Organic Cuckolding”
July 2013

“ORGANIC: forming an integral element of a whole”

For those of you who have had the interest and patience to follow my Diary over the years, you know that Sally, Ted and I have explored some of the deepest recesses of cuckolding. So many steps have been surprising, and none more surprising than how my loving wife has taken to having a lover. I refer you back to the earlier chapters if you’re not familiar with our journey.

There have been several places along the way where I thought I had written the last chapter, not because Sally and Ted ended their relationship, but because I don’t want to write the same thing over and over. Each of their dates has been wonderful for them and overwhelmingly powerful to me, but I have resisted the temptation to write “he fucked her again!” every time he fucked her again. Certain moments, however, have led me to continue writing – both because they seem worth sharing, and because writing helps me to process what has just happened in our lives. This is one such tale.

To begin, I have to go back a few months. After Sally and Ted’s date in April, which I wrote about in Chapter 39, I realized that I was pushing too hard for them to share with me what they were doing together. Yes, I was excited when they closed the door on me so they could have sex together in private, but I wanted to see – I NEEDED to see – what they were doing. I didn’t ask… well, I didn’t ALWAYS ask, but from time to time I did “mention” to one or the other of them that it would mean a lot to me if I could see part of their lovemaking. They were always open to my suggestions, and did their best to accommodate my desires while not taking too much away from their time together. I knew I was being a pain, but something in me needed to have my role as a cuckold affirmed by them as they cuckolded me. If you’re not a cuckold this will sound completely absurd, but I felt bad to keep asking them to make me a part of their lovemaking.

So, in early May, I asked each of them for a favor – a gift. I asked if I could take a video of their lovemaking, from beginning to end. I said it would allow me to “see” any time I wanted, and thereby to be able to leave them alone (or at least not bother them so much) when they were together. Sally’s first concern was for the safety of the video; as my Good Girl, the very thought of it getting out on the Internet worried her tremendously. I assured her that I would store it in an encrypted file, and that no one would be able to see it even if they gained access to my computer. She said she would think about it.

One night, as we were watching one of the many episodes of NCIS she has recorded, she asked me if Gibbs would be able to find the videos if he got on my computer. I looked at her and said yes, he would, but no one short of NCIS could do that. She appreciated my honesty, and so a minute later I took a chance and said, “But the idea of Gibbs seeing you fucking Ted turns you on just a little, doesn’t it?” She blushed, but didn’t say no.

A few days later she brought up the video again. She asked me if I planned to be the director, telling them what to do. I said absolutely not; I wanted to stand there silently and record what they shared, without saying a word unless they spoke to me. I think she was surprised by my answer, because just a short while later she said, “If it’s okay with Ted, I guess I’m okay with it, too.”

It was fine with Ted. He knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, and that I know enough about computers to make that happen. He also knows that, within limits, giving me what I need allows him complete access to my wife’s body.

I thought I was going to make a video of them fucking for me, but I was wrong. Instead, they let me see and video what they share, and what they let me see changed everything. Instead of a performance for my benefit, I saw a woman and a man making love. I saw each of them so concerned for their partner’s pleasure, so tied up in each other’s body that it made my head spin. I saw a man who really knows how to turn a woman on, turn my wife on. And I saw my wife – my loving wife – give herself to her lover, using her body and her mind to make him feel as good as a man can possibly feel.

While the video was not about me, there were times where each of them shared their feelings with me. When Sally dove for Ted’s cock, as he tells me she always does, she looked directly at me. Right now I am staring at a video cap from that movie, with my wife’s mouth filled with Ted’s penis, her naked body lying against his, and her beautiful, hazel-colored eyes staring at me and burning a hole in my soul. Another picture shows him with his eyes closed, his mouth open, his body clenching as she takes his whole cock into her mouth… and again, she is staring at me.

What the pictures don’t show, but the video does, is her pausing her blowjob to say to me, “You could have this the other 364 days a year, but I don’t want to,” followed by her licking the head of his cock and making him shudder with pleasure.

She got on top of him, guided his cock into her pussy, and I recorded the deep, guttural moan he made as she sat down on him and forced his erection deep inside her. I actually have a movie of her fucking him – of his cock going in and out of her as she tightened and relaxed her pussy muscles around his sex organ. I moved to the side of the bed and recorded their fucking as Ted held my wife’s tits in his hands, moaning and groaning as she fucked him, not me. At one point he turned to me and said, “You have no idea how good this feels,” and he was right. And when, a few minutes later, he looked at me again and laughed, “your hands are shaking!”, Sally looked over at me and laughed along with him. I stood there, shaking, and continued recording the scene as Sally and Ted fucked… and laughed at me.

When Sally laid beside him and started up her Pocket Rocket, Ted made love to my wife. Honestly, it wasn’t just sex, it was lovemaking. I saw him kiss her, caress her, explore and stimulate her in ways I know I have never done, and even as I made the recording I saw why she wants to fuck him and not me. It took her a long time to cum, but he never grew tired of touching her, never gave the slightest hint that he was frustrated or bored. When she said she was sorry for taking so long he responded, “I know you’re feeling good, and that’s all that matters.” He meant it; she knew it, and I knew it, too.

Finally she said, “Here it comes.” He sucked her right nipple, squeezed and pinched her left nipple, and held her as she lost control of her body and came. He kept her nipple in his mouth as she thrashed around the bed, and only changed position enough to be able to look at her O-face as she gave him what he calls “her most intimate gift to me.” As I watched, and as I’ve watched the video over and over, I remembered what she told me: “We don’t think about you at all when we cum.” It was obvious she told the truth. Her eyes rolled back in her head – I have a vid cap of her eyes open, showing only white as her pupils disappeared completely into her head – and when she let her breath out with a gasp she turned to him and kissed him.

Even then, he didn’t stop making love to her. Right after cumming she said she wanted him inside her, to feel her “aftershocks” from inside (he hadn’t cum yet), but he said no, there would be time for that. “Now I want you to enjoy the ride,” he said, as he continued to make love to her, wrapping his arms around her and sliding his hand down to cup her ass cheek. When his fingers slipped into the crack of my wife’s ass, she spasmed again; he kissed her, held her and said, “thank you for giving that to me.”

Finally, when her orgasm was truly finished, she gave herself to Ted for HIS pleasure. She kissed him, caressed him, sucked his cock and sucked his nipples until he was crazed with lust. He got on top of her and pushed his cock into her pussy – I have a movie of that, so I know it really happened. I captured his cock sliding in and out of my wife, her pussy forming a big O around his shaft. Then I moved to beside the bed and watched how my wife fucks her lover. I saw her look into his eyes, caress his arms and his stomach, and move her hips to stimulate his cock in every way possible. “Oh, Sally, I can’t tell you how good this feels to me,” he said.

“Tell HIM,” she answered, flicking her eyes in my direction.

But he didn’t tell me. He just kept fucking my wife.

“Do you want to try the scissors position?” she asked.

“No, I want to CUM,” he said. And he did. Right in front of me, captured on video, Ted fucked her faster and faster, his gasps growing shorter and shorter, until his whole body tensed and he let out a moan/gasp/cry of pleasure as he came in my wife. I watched his body spasm, and knew he was ejaculating into Sally with each contraction of his muscles. I stood there, hands shaking more than ever, and recorded the facts of my cuckolding.

When Ted finally slipped out of her and laid down beside her, Sally turned to me and said, “Time for you to leave us alone.” Ted quickly added “Bye!” with a smile of pleasure and dominance that left no question about my place… outside the closed bedroom door.

They fucked again that day, and I was not included in any of it. They went to bed after lunch, closed the door and spent an hour making love to each other.

When Ted finally emerged from the bedroom he was dressed and ready to leave. He told me Sally was sleeping for a while, and I should not disturb her. I sat in the chair in the living room while he gathered his phone and briefcase and told me how wonderful it was to fuck my wife. I sat and masturbated as he talked, and the tone of his voice coupled with what I had seen was just too much: I came right in front of him, squirting my cum on the floor in front of me. That wasn’t my intention, and I was ashamed that it happened, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“What a pity,” he said as he headed for the door. “You cum on the floor, while I get to cum in your wife.”

-------

That day – and the movie it produced – changed me. I realized I had spent so long trying to prove to myself that I really was a cuckold, that I didn’t notice that I WAS a cuckold! It wasn’t a show, it wasn’t for my excitement: Sally and Ted are lovers, and I am irrelevant in that part of their lives. I don’t share Sally with Ted; I am her husband, and he is her lover. When I look at the video, which I’ve done just under three million times since I took it, I see that my Good Girl has overcome her extremely inhibited upbringing, and is now a proud, happy cuckoldress.

I apologized to them. To each of them. I said I realized how I had still been pushing to “choreograph” their dates, and how I kept waiting for MY part – for when they would call me in to watch, for when they would make loud noises so I could hear, etc. The video showed me that they are lovers, and that I should be satisfied being cuckolded as I always wanted. I said I would do my best to stay out of their way in the future, and most important, I would completely understand if they did not call me in while they were making love. Sally didn’t quite believe me, but I assured her that I was now ready to be excluded, and to take my satisfaction and pleasure from being allowed to prepare her for her dates, get them anything they needed, and sit outside their bedroom door while they made love.

My offer was soon put to the test, and I’m pleased (and excited) to say I passed with flying colors. And so did they. And that experience is what led me to write this chapter.

Our schedules are easier during the summer, so I suggested we try something different. Instead of going to the hotel late at night and welcoming Ted at 9am, I proposed going in the early afternoon and having him come to his lover around 3:30 in the afternoon. I even suggested that they take a break from sex and go out to dinner, which was VERY well received. That surprised me, because my Good Girl is massively paranoid about anyone discovering our little kink, but apparently her relationship with him and having me there as her “beard” combined to make the thought appealing to her.

So for the first time in a long time, Sally dressed for Ted while we were still at home. She chose a sleeveless shirt and a long skirt with a slit nearly its entire length, with a matching, long-sleeve jacket. She looked stunning, and as we drove the long drive to Pennsylvania I stole many glances at my very beautiful wife… and Ted’s very beautiful lover.

The drive was filled with phone calls and other nonsense that people have to deal with in real life, so I kept my lascivious thoughts to myself. When we got to the hotel our room was not ready, which was really annoying. I wanted to go to the receptionist and explain that my wife needed to be fucked, but instead we simply hung around close enough to let her know that we weren’t going away until we had our room. Fortunately, Ted ran a little late, too, so we were able to get into the room a few minutes before he arrived. Sally took that opportunity to fix her makeup, and I used the time to set out her vibrator, her KY Intense, and to fold down the covers on the bed for them. Not much time to focus on the significance of what I was doing, but I took satisfaction in knowing I had prepared everything for them on short notice.

When Ted arrived, I opened the door for him as usual. And as usual, he made a beeline for my wife. He kissed her deeply, and didn’t stop kissing her as he sat down beside her. They made out for a few minutes, then Sally asked me (told me, actually) to get the moisturizing cream for her legs. When I returned with it I saw Ted’s hand tracing the contours of her tits, which he continued to do as Sally lifted her legs onto the coffee table in front of her and nodded toward them. I understood the message, and I immediately began applying the cream to her legs so they would be soft for her lover.

As I applied the cream, Ted continued to kiss Sally and feel her up – first over her shirt, then reaching inside it. She broke the kiss just long enough to say “Wow, I feel so pampered,” and then gave her lips back to him. “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” Ted replied, as his hand slid down between her legs and into the crease of her pussy. For a moment it felt like we were both making love to her, but then I remembered that my time touching her was about to end and his was just beginning.

“Let’s go have a naked conversation in the bedroom,” Ted suggested. Sally nearly jumped to her feet and started toward the bedroom. Then she stopped, walked directly up to me, and gave me the most powerful, sexual kiss I had felt in a long time; it literally took my breath away. “I’m going to fuck Ted until he cums in me,” she said. Before I could catch my breath or process what my Good Girl had just said, she and her lover disappeared around the corner and into the bedroom. I heard the door click shut, and I was alone, her words ringing in my ears: my wife – MY WIFE – just told me that

SHE
was going to FUCK
TED
until he CAME
IN her.

Yes, I am a cuckold. Not only is my wife DOING all of that, but she TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO DO ALL OF THAT. I sat there and understood that neither of them had the least concern that I would do something assertive like stopping them, and that Sally said that to me to make sure I understood exactly what she was about to do, and what that made me. She had never said anything like that to me before, and it really, really hurt.

It also felt really, really good to know that she understood what I am, and accepted it. The strange calm that followed can only be described as “wow, she thinks as badly of me as I do.”

Apparently they took me at my word that I could accept their being together without me, because for the next hour and a half they did just that. Through the door I heard clothes being removed; I heard kissing; I heard moaning which can only originate in a man’s or a woman’s sex. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew WHAT was happening. I sat outside the door and rubbed my penis while Sally and Ted made love.

I can’t say that I never wished they would call me to come in, but when they didn’t, I was okay with it. I listened to them and told myself that this is why we came here: so my wife and her lover could be together in private. I heard Sally’s vibrator start up, and in a surprisingly short time I heard her cum: a deep, powerful orgasm which shook the bed and the floor, and which was accompanied by Ted’s own sounds of excitement. I remembered how much HE gets off on getting her off, and I took painful satisfaction in knowing that they were both enjoying their date – without me. I say “satisfaction” because it was great to hear my wife feeling such intense pleasure. And “painful” because I knew that I’ve never made Sally feel that way. Ever.

Not long after Sally came, I heard Ted cum, too. I heard the rhythmic bouncing of the bed which anyone who is not a virgin knows to be fucking, and now I heard both of them enjoying Ted’s pleasure. His panting increased, just as it had in the video, and he came in my wife as her cuckold husband sat and listened outside the door. He came a long time. And it sounded like it felt really, really good.

They talked quietly for a while, and again my hopes that they would call me in, at least to talk, were dashed. No chance; they were together and enjoying the fact that they didn’t need to worry about me. I was surprised when I heard Sally’s vibe start up again, but I was more pleased than surprised.

The sound of the vibrator disappeared, which meant it was between her pussy lips. I heard Ted begin to talk with her, too softly for me to make out the words, but clearly words of encouragement, excitement and affection. Suddenly I heard Sally call my name.

I didn’t know what she wanted, so I just sat and waited. She called to me again, and this time I got up, opened their door and entered. What I saw overwhelmed me: there was my wife, lying naked on the bed. There was her lover, lying naked beside her, his body glued to her side. His left hand was on Sally’s right breast, and as I drew closer I saw that his mouth was greedily sucking on her left nipple. Sally was excited. VERY excited.

I know I’ve said this before, and I know it sounds stupid given what I’ve described hearing, but there is always a shock in seeing my wife naked in Ted’s arms. Remember, the last time I saw her she was completely dressed, telling me she was going to “fuck Ted until he cums in me.” But in spite of her promise, and in spite of all the sounds of sex which made their way through the door for the past 90 minutes, it still took my breath away to see my wife naked with another man.

I didn’t know what to do, and they weren’t talking to me. I stood at the foot of the bed for a while, taking in the scene of my wife with her right hand holding her Pocket Rocket against her clit, shaking and shuddering with pleasure as Ted made love to her tits. From time to time he turned his head to kiss her, and she kissed him back – that same kiss that she gave me before going to bed with him, but which she never gives me at any other time. A deep, passionate, sexy and sexual kiss, right in front of her husband.

I could tell she was close to cumming. Her legs were stretched out, her toes were pointed. Her left arm was under Ted’s neck, and her left hand was caressing his back. Her wedding ring was clearly visible to me each time her hand glided toward his shoulder. (She always removes her rings and jewelry when she goes to bed with Ted; as she said to him on the video, “I don’t want to hurt you in the heat of passion.” But she always leaves her wedding ring on. It’s part of her love for me, and part of her gift to Ted.) She was close… SO close… and Ted was whispering his encouragement.

“That’s it, Sally. Cum for me. Cum for your lover. I want to feel you feel good. Give that to me. I know you save it for me, so now it’s time. You look so beautiful like this. Cum in my arms.”

She was panting now. Her body was shaking with a hundred tiny spasms, and her left hand was rubbing his shoulder in the way I recognized from when she used to cum with me.

Then she looked at me and said, “I wanted you to see this.” Nothing more. She simply turned back to him, kissed the top of his head as he sucked on her nipple, and came.

It looked like a huge orgasm. She jumped, spasmed, grunted, gasped and her eyes rolled into the back of her head, leaving just the whites showing as she came. Later, Ted said it wasn’t nearly as powerful as her first one, but only he was there for that one. For me, I saw my wife lose it completely in her lover’s arms.

Ted has said many times that the most intimate gift Sally gives him is to cum with him. “Everything else is mechanical,” he says, “but when she lets go and cums it is a private thing – the MOST private thing. If you are ashamed of anything, be ashamed that she cums with me, and not with you.”

I THINK I thought about that as I watched my wife orgasm, as I watched her experience pleasure she no longer shares with me; pleasure she really never got with me. Maybe not; maybe I only thought about it later, as I replayed it in my mind. I do know that I stood there, masturbating, as Sally gave Ted her most intimate gift right in front of my eyes.

As her orgasm subsided, the lovers kissed and held each other. Gentle, post-coital cuddling and affection; one of the things Sally likes most about her lover. I stood there stroking my erection, afraid to make a sound for fear of disturbing the happy, satisfied couple.

When they finally moved, Sally looked at Ted and said, “Dinner?” Ted nodded enthusiastically, and Sally got out of bed, walking right by me. As she gathered her clothes, two men watched her every naked move.

“Your wife has the most beautiful tits, doesn’t she?” he asked.

That question scrambled my brain, and I nearly came. Who was that man to be commenting to ME on my wife’s tits? Oh right, he’s her lover – he can compliment her on her body, and she loves it when he does. And how does he know what my wife’s tits look like? Right again – after 15 years as her lover, he knows her tits better, more intimately, than anyone - even me. And how dare he make such a crude comment to me? As I stood there playing with my penis after watching her cum in his arms, the truth of the only possible answer was almost more than I could bear: because I’m a cuckold, and we all know it.

Can a loving wife become so comfortable cuckolding her husband that she enjoys all of it – the sex with her lover AND the humiliation of her husband? Yes, she can. It takes time, and love, and communication, but it is possible. My wife cuckolds me as comfortably as she holds my hand when we walk together.

Which made our walk to the car and to the restaurant an exercise in competing values… and priorities.

When we were all dressed, and I tamed my hard-on enough to fit it in my pants, we walked together through the hotel, toward the parking lot. It was clear Sally was torn: she was in the middle of a date with her lover, but walking in public she knew she needed to make clear that she was with me. So she held my hand, and brushed against his at every opportunity.

When we got to our car, I unlocked it… and waited. Ted opened the back door for his girlfriend, then climbed into the back seat next to her. I thought she would protest, but she didn’t. They didn’t make out during the short ride to the restaurant, but I know they held hands.

The hostess seated Sally first, and Ted sat next to her at the table. I sat across from her, and we all ordered drinks. When they arrived, I offered a toast – to the two of them. They looked into each other’s eyes, clinked their glasses and drank.

Dinner was surreal. Oh, we were all G-rated in our behavior and appearance, but I sat there thinking that the two of them had just had sex for an hour and a half, and Ted’s sperm were now swimming in my wife. I thought of her saying proudly that she was going to fuck him until he came in her, and of her calling me in to watch her cum in his arms. I don’t know how I was able to swallow anything I ate; I do know I didn’t taste it. But the conversation was surprisingly, achingly normal, and once again I realized that Sally and Ted are lovers, not just fuck-buddies. They enjoy spending time together and, as Ted has said many times, I am simply irrelevant to them when they are together. And that’s how I felt as we ate: there, but not there. Sally’s husband, but not her lover. The man she would go home with when her date was over, but no one to be bothered with while she and he were close.

It was 7:15 by the time we left the restaurant. I didn’t know what Ted’s schedule was, or when he had to leave, but as soon as we got back in the car – they sat together in back again – Ted moved close to Sally and began kissing her. They made out the whole way back to the hotel, and I had a feeling he wasn’t ready to say goodbye quite yet!

When we got to the room, Sally went to the bathroom. I followed Ted as he went to the bedroom, but I stood at the door and watched as he quickly shed his clothes. This was something we hadn’t done before, coming back to the room after a meal.

“This is really strange for me,” I said. “I don’t know what to do now.”

Naked, his half-hard cock pointing at me, Ted slid into their bed. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “Now you GO AWAY. That’s what you do.”

I don’t think Ted has ever spoken to me that way before. Honestly, I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to me that way before. I bristled, and for a brief moment thought about responding. Then I remembered who I am, and why we were there… and I actually bowed my head as I sheepishly made my way down the hall to the living room.

Sally came out of the bathroom. She saw me standing in the living room, then looked into the bedroom and saw Ted lying naked on the bed. Without so much as a word to me, she walked to her lover and closed the door behind her.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be insulted. Damn, no one talks to me that way – not without suffering the consequences. But as I stood there trying to formulate my response, I heard Sally gasp. A sex gasp. And all I could think to do was pull down my pants and sit down outside the bedroom door, hoping to hear more.

Her vibrator started up, and they were at it again. Ted responding to her excitement with his own, and my wife losing herself in her lover’s embrace. I heard it build, and as I rubbed my penis Ted’s words rang in my ears: "Now you GO AWAY."

Suddenly, in addition to the hum of the vibrator and the moans of pleasure from my wife, I heard a different sound: the bang-bang-bang of the headboard against the wall. Ted was fucking her… again! He lasted only a few minutes, and the sounds of his orgasm were quickly followed by Sally’s.

I’ve never cum three times in a day in my whole life, but Ted did today. Sally has never cum three times with me in our whole marriage, but she did with Ted today. And I did my job: I went away.

Ted left a little while later, apologizing to me that he didn’t have time to sit and talk with me. I said I understood, and I thanked him for taking such good care of my wife.

“It was my pleasure,” he said as he gathered his phone and briefcase. “You have NO IDEA what a pleasure it was, and you never will. Bye.”

I sat on the floor of the living room, leaning against the couch and masturbating like a man possessed. Sally walked out to me a few minutes later, and sat in the chair facing me.

“You told me you were going to fuck Ted until he came in you, and you did,” I said to her.

“I know,” she responded.

“You ignored me for an hour and a half while you had sex with him. You didn’t say a word to me, you didn’t include me, for an hour and a half.”

“I know,” she said. “You said it would be okay, and I believed you.”

“Then you called me in to watch you cum in his arms. You NEVER let me see you cum, but you called me in and told me you wanted me to watch you cum with Ted. Can you tell me why you did that?”

Sally thought for a minute, then looked at me sitting on the floor, masturbating. I think she decided this was no time to pull punches – that I didn’t WANT her to pull her punches. So she said, “I wanted to make you feel shame. And small. And inadequate.”

I looked into my wife’s eyes. I saw love, understanding and, believe it or not, compassion.

“Is that really what you wanted me to feel?” I said, gasping as I jerked off.

“Yes.”

“It worked. I am ashamed of myself… what I did, what I didn’t do. I’m not much of a man, am I?” I grunted.

“No, you’re not. And I’m ashamed of you, too.

“But I love you.”

I looked into my wife’s eyes, searching for hesitation, or discomfort, or role-playing. I saw none of those. As I had the only sex I ever get, rubbing my own penis, I saw how she sees me: with shame, and with love. And I came.

Sally didn’t make any move to help me, or even to encourage me. She let me make myself cum in front of her as I relived my cuckolding. HER cuckolding of me.

When I stopped shaking, she got up, came over to me, gave me a kiss on the top of my head, and headed back to the bedroom. As she turned away she said, “clean up your mess, then come watch TV with me.”

I did as she instructed, and eventually followed her into the bedroom. When I sat down on the bed she put her arms around me, kissed me gently on the lips and said, “I love you. I don’t WANT you, but I love you.”

I thanked her for loving me, and said I loved her, too. Then we watched NCIS.

Comments welcome; flames cheerfully ignored.

Cuckold Paul
Newatthis22a@yahoo.com

[Open2it]

Real life cuckolding at it's best. Well written Paul.

[bufaker]

amazing paul. Love the way you narrate exactly what we want to know.

[allhers]

As always, thanks for taking the time to share.

[CuckPride]

That's as organic as it gets.

[phaedruscj]

You spelled "orgasmic" wrong!