Hotwife going out alone/why is it too difficult for me?

[mrs_reese]

MrsP, thank you for that post.
It made a lot of sense to me. Xoxo.

It's not like I'm telling hubby that I want to have a baby with another man and leave him.
If my husband really wants me to with intimate with another man, I just can't guarantee that I won't fall in love. I don't want to date a lot different men anymore.

[BallSpanking]

The tendency in this forum is for posters to encourage wives to date other men and practice the HW lifestyle, but I think a healthier perspective would be to focus on the wife's overall happiness.

I don't think anyone can criticize your HW credentials Mrs Reese, and if you are in a phase where you would prefer to date only one guy, I am rooting for you, because that is what you would prefer at this time. I hope you will find the happiness and fulfillment you deserve, however many or few guys you decide to date. I understand Mr Reese would want you to be a practicing HW, but is accepting of your desire to date only one guy. I hope that works out well for you, but I also hope you will continue to post so we can follow your lovely adventures and loves.

Kisses

[AgentA]

I'm going to add a little to what mrs_hotwifecplsa (Maria?) said.

But first, you've got your head on the wrong side of this issue. You don't realize it, with all the giddy ups and downs you're experiencing, that you've given your wife a gift that simply has no parallel: a night of sexual freedom. You can't buy this stuff, it's not for sale. You can't wrap it because it has no form. You can read about it, but those are just words. No one else can give this gift to her, only you. Never in a million years would she ever ask this from you, and ONLY you can create the moment and present it to her.

What have you given her? A night of total freedom to go and feel like an unencumbered woman. Even single women don't enjoy that kind of freedom; mostly there are vague strings attached, or uncertainty, moral obligations, assumptions created. But this way she can dress like she wants, act like she wants, remain open and honest with you, and fuck some lucky guy with wild abandon. She needn't worry about repercussions, creating debt, assumptions on his part. He's an erotic sex machine and she's going to try him out. Maybe she'll tease him a little, be coy, remember a few forgotten techniques. The most important thing, she doesn't have to worry about the outcome. She has you, her reliable rock.

Afterward she'll return to you because she belongs to you. Her nest is with you. Her life is with you. That was her choice. This is nothing but entertainment of the wildest kind, and she has a one-night pass to be a passionate woman. Your gift is going to feel very good to her. Hopefully the sex will be great but it's more than that; you trust her to go out on her own, and she knows this. While this behavior is most often the domain of lies and deceit... not this time; she has this little gift of yours and that's pretty major.

So be her rock, let her lean on you. Be the gift giver because you've earned the right. Reclaim her because she's yours. Even when you "lose her" to the other guy she's still yours.

Enjoy your emotions and the pain they cause while you still have them. Down the road this will be old hat and you'll laugh at yourself

Holy shit, this seems like the most useful post ever. Thank you.

[mrs_reese]

St. Patricks Day- last night I was a bad girl!
Hubby and I were with a lot of friends when I noticed this cute hottie trying to get my attention.
I went to the restroom and on the way back I approached him.
One thing let to another with small talk and his nervousness and I have to admit, as hubby was watching, I led my friend to our SUV, sent hubby a text and gave my friend oral sex.
Hubby claims he saw me standing next to the window, I doubt it though, as our friend didn't last long.

On another note, I am still struggling with poly and a committed relationship.
It's such a big step.
Hubby is also re-evaluating our situation at hand.

[BallSpanking]

Very sweet, Mrs Reese...
It seems old habits die hard...
The important thing is that it's something you love and enjoy.

[mrs_reese]

So it's been about a month since I spoke and met with Steve.
It's been been business like and kind of frustrating.
Last night, we both decided to meet tonight and see if the "fireworks" are still there.
I will let you know how it goes later!
Xoxo

[BallSpanking]

[enjoylife313]

My hubby and I are going through very similar circumstances with wonderful results. I have been going it alone on dates for nearly 2 months now. When I return and that may be the next day. He and dedicate unlimited time to a "tell all" sessions. We have wonderful, erotic, fulfilling time together rehashing the event with as much detail as I can remember. This is what "hot wifing" should be. The opportunity for me to realize heights of pleasure unrealized previously and then share with a loving husband. This is a huge high for us. We are loving every minute and each other in the process. I get to buy new clothes (sexy of course) and he gets to experience "my pleasure" in the process. It is wonderful

[54321]

Dear enjoylife313,

Thank you for a great post. If you were to start a thread of your adventures, I for one would be very excited to read it.

Best wishes,

54321

[reese]

My wife just left the house to go out on her date w Steve.
I'm nervous and excited... Hoping this will jump start her into full hot wife mode.
Enjoylife313.... I wish you the best of luck ... Communication and openness... That's the key to enjoying this lifestyle.

[BallSpanking]

Hang in there, Mr Reese...

It is already a hopeful sign that she took the initiative the other night to suck a young stud's cock, and tonight she is seeing Steve to see if they can rekindle their fire... Wow...

Aren't these the moments and emotions that you love/hate?
Because it's so damned hot your wife is seeing other men, but there is all this damned angst!

Hang in there, you are likely to have your answer before the night is over.

[reese]

Thanks my friend.
I'm working out now, then watching some hockey.
It's much less hi octane on these nights as it was in the past.
I hate to say that I've overcome the crazy emotional rides these nights used to take me on...
But I've learned to put it all into perspective..,, keeping occupied helps me stay calm!
It's the moments I wake up at 3am and realize my wife isn't in bed with me that I panic and go crazy with "Hotwife" angst!

[BallSpanking]

I think you just coined a seminal aspect of being a HW husband..."Hotwife Angst"!!

[reese]

Sounds like I should put on a shirt!
Lol

[BallSpanking]

That would be a scream!

[MrAmbassador]

Wow...what an epic thread!

I am currently in a poly relationship with my wife and another woman. The three of us love each other very much, and have wonderful times together. We don't have emotional relationships outside of our threesome. This relationship has convinced me two things:

1) That anything is possible. The rules are up to the people in the relationship, not society or our biological predispositions.

2) That some things in relationships are finite, namely time, energy, attention, and emotions. I work really hard to be a good partner to both my wife and our partner--I don't want to shortchange either of them of what they would receive in a monogamous relationship. But I won't lie that it is really hard at times. When my job/life gets otherwise hectic I can feel very drained and pulled in a million directions as I try to make everyone happy.

So in short. I believe poly can work, but some aspects of relationships are zero sum IMHO.

I also believe that HWing should not "hurt" based on my personal experience of having my wife go out with other men. You should be nervous and high-strung (that is part of the fun!), but it should not be emotionally painful. If it is, consider slowing down or taking a small break away from all your lust and compersion to re-evaluate boundaries. I encourage you to make a conscious decision about the nature of your relationship and stick to the plan. You strike me as the kind of husband who wants to give your wife everything, and I really admire that. However, I think it is better to agree to something that has boundaries and is sustainable, than end up going too far and needing her to stop.

Good luck!

[mrs_reese]

Hi MrAmbassador, thank you for sharing your thoughts, you seem to have the right frame of mind!

I met w Steve and it was like we never split up!
I'm even more confused!
Actually, I want to move forward as his fulltime lover.
I'm just scared about the poly arrangement.
It's too complicated.
Hubby seems to be happier that I'm backing off for now about all of us living together!

[BallSpanking]

Did you stay with Steve last night, Mrs Reese?

[SSQ]

This is what "hot wifing" should be. The opportunity for me to realize heights of pleasure unrealized previously and then share with a loving husband.

It's good that it works like that for you, but it's also great to respect that everyone does this lifestyle differently, and there is no one way to do it "right". As long as all partners are consenting and happy, we should respect that.

Mrs Reese, why not just let it flow organically and go where it goes instead of focusing on what shape you'd like the relationship to take? Just wondering.

[joytous3]

Poly can get pretty gnarly. You can screw up a good thing by trying to have too much of it and then it's hard to put the genie back in the lamp. We stepped right up to the starting line once and backed away and I'm still convinced we did the right thing.

[Mia]

OMG. Hot thread!

Welcome to OHW, justplayinlv.



Mia

[mrs_reese]

Thanks Justplayinlv!

[mrs_reese]

Joytous3, my thoughts exactly.
After I discussed all the possibilities and complications, all this became too much again!
At times I just want to be a wife to my husband.
Other times, I like the thrill of being independent and having a lover all to myself.
My date with Steve?
We chatted for a long time, shared a few drinks and teased each other all night.
I left without anything happening other than kissing.
I'm afraid to start this with him.
He's more than a FB.
I'm so confused

[unfaithfullyurs]

Before getting run out of here on a rail, let me first say that I have the upmost respect for both Mr and Mrs Reese. Also, having followed this thread for years (receiving insight into this lifestyle, and a lot of excitement ) I still find it hard to understand why a husband doesnt want to be actively involved and/or participating when the wife "plays" with another guy.

Hell, look at the title of this thread. I think that says a lot right from the start of this. With that being said, I can see why the poly side of this might be something you both would enjoy, and both get a lot out of it.

Whatever happens I wish you both the best and I hope you continue to keep us informed on what is going on. And a big thank you, to you both for sharing your experiences.

[BallSpanking]

Thank you for posting Mrs Reese, it's always fun to follow your HW adventures.

I realize you have an interest in going Poly, although you are somewhat conflicted about it.
So I was wondering if it wouldn't be less stressful for all involved to just go the BF route instead of looking to change all your living arrangements?
Conceivably (pun intended), it could ease the difficulties over being with Steve and hubby at the same time.

I was surprised and delighted that you took the initiative to suck a young guy's cock the other day...
Are you sure you want to stop dating other men?
Perhaps you can identify the stress factors in doing that, and correct those things that you are not happy with...?

As you say, sometimes you wish you were a vanilla wife to Mr Reese, and other times you miss the newness and excitement of dating new guys... Might it not be possible to find a good accomodation where you can enjoy both?

Cheers!